THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
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Posted
5:55 PM
by Gene
Posted
11:52 AM
by Gene
"Oh, my boss doesn't have a heart," Roger explained. "He works in Hollywood." (last graf)
NUF SAID.
Posted
11:50 AM
by Gene
People laugh at HIM?
Posted
11:27 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:52 AM
by Gene
Linux: Stallman Convinces Cuba to Switch to Open Source
Posted
6:46 PM
by Gene
More WTC Steel Buried at Ground Zero
Why do stories like these have a habit of congregating?
Posted
6:43 PM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: Microsoft launches MeTube.
Posted
5:54 PM
by Gene
Left-wing demagogue, right-wing demagogue, right-wing demagogue, preening ass, preening ass, left-wing demagogue. Yep, we can understand the big bucks.
Posted
5:52 PM
by Gene
Dems: Iraq Is a Defeat
Who says con-SER-va-tive news orgs can't be good at bias too?
Posted
5:44 PM
by Gene
Pffh-hh-hh hh hh hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!
Posted
5:40 PM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: GM could merge a competitor out of business.
Posted
5:29 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:44 PM
by Gene
What will Branson East do without such promising attractions? Such high-voltage theme parks? Produce more junk as usual.
"Their act is over," says a veteran producer.
WHAT? It was only supposed to live FOREVER!
P. S.
"He vus my boyfriend/He vould come home in a snit/He vould have a terrible fit/I am the first thing he vould hit/But I didn't give a s---/He vus my boyfriend."
Still sure this is a MASTERPIECE, Ben Brantleys?
Posted
1:39 PM
by Gene
Posted
12:10 PM
by Gene
The good news is: It’s really, really bad.
That being good news from the Corner must mean it's really, really GOOD!
Especially when it stars Mr. Willies!
Posted
11:55 AM
by Gene
The French appear to have shrugged their shoulders once too often.
Posted
11:31 AM
by Gene
THE FIRST AMENDMENT IS DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMED!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
10:41 AM
by Gene
Whasa mattah? People ain't hot for XP-DRM -- VISTA?
Posted
10:12 AM
by Gene
Hmmm: $1 million more and we'll be able to say, "I HELPED FINANCE THE MOST EXPENSIVE ADS ON TV AND YOU DIDN'T!!!!!"
Posted
7:08 PM
by Gene
CIVIL WAR PORTENDS at THE CORNER as MULTIPLE NINCOMPOOPS FIGHT over WHO CAN PRAISE SHOW-BIZ THE MOST!
Posted
6:23 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:20 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:04 PM
by Gene
(Via the incomparable Slashdot -- ditto)
Posted
5:44 PM
by Gene
Once again the question arises: Why is our Treasury no longer able to make attractive currency? All it makes are bright shiny collectables, and Monopoly money.
Posted
5:36 PM
by Gene
So why does this sort of thing not stop them?
Posted
5:29 PM
by Gene
Americans watched and enjoyed it all; and were also aware, like gawkers driving past the scene of an accident, that they might at any moment witness something awful. The story of poor-girl-makes-good was never quite straight, the fame never without its tawdry side, the money never reliably there, the behaviour rarely unembarrassing. (Why not "often embarrassing" and be done with it?)
All very well, but dammit, why does it take rich hacks to ascertain the truth when the amateur bloggers are out there beforehand?
Posted
5:24 PM
by Gene
"[A]n alliance to share the costs of designing and developing cars" my eye -- this is a de facto coupling, or rather misery loves companies.
Posted
1:13 PM
by Gene
It would NOT have to do with all these CEOs who must pour zillions into the "sport" so they can say, "I SAT IN A LUXURY BOX AT DAYTONA AND YOU DIDN'T!!!!!"
“I came real close to not running today.”
And then he remembered all the zillions and thought better.
Posted
12:00 PM
by Gene
It doesn't make sense -- but who says a company that employs MONEY HONEY® and KEITH O makes sense?
Posted
11:26 AM
by Gene
If we could earn $1 million a year like these idiot talking heads of any stripe -- well, we would't be BLOGGING for NOTHING.
Posted
5:43 PM
by Gene
A delegation of 13 U.S. religious leaders will be visiting Iran next week (Feb. 17-25) in efforts to deepen dialogue with religious and political leaders there in the hope of defusing tensions between the U.S. and Iran.
During the weeklong visit the group is scheduled to meet with Christian and Muslim religious leaders, women serving in the Iranian parliament, former President Mohammad Khatami and President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.
The U.S. delegation includes representatives from the Mennonite, Quaker, Episcopal, Catholic and United Methodist churches as well as the National Council Churches [SIC], Pax Christi and Sojourners/Call to Renewal in Washington, D.C. The trip comes after 45 religious leaders met with Iranian President Ahmadinejad during his visit to New York, Sept. 20, 2006.
Let me guess -- Iran isn't such a bad nation after all!
Posted
5:39 PM
by Gene
Now think of the JOURNALS, and think of which races each JOURNAL would have a scholarship program for. NUF SAID.
(Via the usual Romy)
Posted
5:32 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:27 PM
by Gene
And yes, though the point sounds cheaply partisan, we can see BRENT opening his mouth about TV violence to cotton up to Democrats -- after all, he cottoned up to SLIME.
Posted
5:18 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:12 PM
by Gene
We must confess there should always be a place for awwwwww stories like this. Perhaps a puppy nursing among kitties can teach us all how to get along a little better.
Posted
4:58 PM
by Gene
Posted
4:55 PM
by Gene
I've said it before: If the shoe were on the other foot...happily we hacks never know when the foot is in the mouth.
And it doesn't change the fact it's NON-BINDING.
Posted
2:53 PM
by Gene
Anna Nicole Smith's last movie is going direct to DVD and is scheduled to arrive in stores in May.
Posted
11:52 AM
by Gene
P. S. at 5:15 p. m. It seems increasingly likely DaimlerCorp will do with Chrysler what TRIBCO's doing with itself: just hang on to what it's got, and go sideways-forward from there. Who really wants to buy a second-rate auto firm -- and who would waste the money on it?
Posted
6:06 PM
by Gene
The sport's smothered in money and they're worried about picky-picky violations? Yep, sounds like the CEOs of our SPONSORS are at the track!
P. S. Shucks, just another ASSPress story. Well, we can dream.
Posted
5:57 PM
by Gene
Barely covered babes ... need we say more?
It doesn't hit newsstands until tomorrow, but TMZ has your sneak peek at the mouthwatering Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue today!
For more titillating photos and video from the shoots, check out Sports Illustrated's site ... and try not to drool on your keyboard! [Synergistic overemphasis added]
PEOPLE WARNER!!!!! Need we say more?
I think JACK and WOLF have COMPETITION!
Posted
5:44 PM
by Gene
And yet -- the rhetorical flourish is apt for a Democrat. Since this war is WRONGWRONGWRONG, why is it not correct to suggest that our 3,000-plus have died in it for nothing? That was the mantra of Vietnam, and look how successful that was. If the Dems intend to be cowards let them be cowards FULL BORE.
Posted
5:34 PM
by Gene
We understand that people have to keep active, but doesn't she run the risk of being another Hollywood practical joke?
Posted
5:31 PM
by Gene
COURTHOUSE NAMED FOR RUSH LIMBAUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Overemphasis added]
As the world knows (and as the third graf admits), it is NOT; it's named for his grandfather. No, if we're going to name anything for PILLHEAD it would HAVE to be an OUTHOUSE.
Posted
5:24 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:22 PM
by Gene
Speaking of the SAINT OF CABLE NEWS, if this photo is typical we suggest that Anna was starting to take on a John Waters aura.
Posted
5:10 PM
by Gene
On February 9, about 24 hours after the death of Anna Nicole Smith, CNN curmudgeon Jack Cafferty was reading viewer emails complaining about non-stop cable coverage of that story—and agreeing with them.
"That’s the only story we reported [yesterday] for two solid hours and WE WEREN'T THE ONLY ONES," growled Wolf Blitzer’s "Situation Room" sidekick. "Her death was tabloid gold and apparently, we just couldn’t help ourselves."
"I know a lot of people are complaining about that," said Blitzer, somewhat defensively. "BUT A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE ALSO WATCHING!!!!!!!!!!" [Overemphasis added]
WHAT'S GOOD FOR PEOPLE WARNER....
(Via the usual Romy)
Posted
5:01 PM
by Gene
Put off until a later date would be negotiations about how to completely dismantle all its nuclear facilities, declare and relinquish whatever weapons and fuel it has stockpiled and decide the fate of a parallel weapons project involving the enrichment of uranium. [Emphasis added]
Hmmm -- does history have a CATCH?
Posted
2:05 PM
by Gene
What it isn't is a college serving its students.
Posted
11:46 AM
by Gene
(Via the usual Romy)
Posted
11:45 AM
by Gene
What else can explain his embarrassment at the hands of a righteous blogger?
Posted
9:07 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:01 AM
by Gene
But it is not clear that the support was uniform. Mr. Ayeroff, who founded the voter-registration group Rock the Vote, said a man sitting behind him in the Grammy audience snickered each time the Dixie Chicks received another trophy. “Finally,” Mr. Ayeroff said, “I got so disgusted, I turned around and said: ‘Dude, you’re in California now. Even our Republicans are Democrats.’” [Link SIC]
Posted
5:48 PM
by Gene
Well WHO would have GUESSED?
The details are pretty geeky, but basically Microsoft has reworked a lot of the core operating system to add copy protection technology for new media formats like HD-DVD and Blu-ray disks. Certain high-quality output paths--audio and video--are reserved for protected peripheral devices. Sometimes output quality is artificially degraded; sometimes output is prevented entirely. And Vista continuously spends CPU time monitoring itself, trying to figure out if you're doing something that it thinks you shouldn't. [That's the interestingly named mfpmp.exe.] If it does, it limits functionality and in extreme cases restarts just the video subsystem. We still don't know the exact details of all this, and how far-reaching it is, but it doesn't look good.
Microsoft put all those functionality-crippling features into Vista because it wants to own the entertainment industry.
You mean ruling twenty-seven universes isn't enough for Bugmeister? We've got to RUSH out and UPGRADE -- NOW!!!!!
P. S. We suspect Little Malcolm will be hearing from Bug after this and Stephen Manes's rave review of XP-DRM -- er, VISTA. Now will Little Malcolm hold his own -- or will he just make another LIST?
P. P. S.
Microsoft is preparing to launch the next generation of its operating system by 2009.
Microsoft's corporate vice president of development Ben Fathi last week at the RSA Security conference in San Francisco suggested said that the next operating system would take about two to two-and-a-half years to build. That would put the final release at the end of 2009.
Which would be scant months after the end of "mainstream" support for XP. I say, go for it!
Posted
5:27 PM
by Gene
Report: FBI Loses 3 To 4 Laptops Every Month
But there is good news:
While 116 FBI laptops were reported lost and 44 were reported stolen in the last 44 months, the agency is doing better than it was five years ago, the DOJ's audit said of one of the nation's top investigative agencies. Another audit, conducted in 2002, showed that in a 28-month period 300 FBI laptops had been lost and 17 had been stolen.
Maybe the Fumblers, Bumblers and Incompetents should read this one:
How To Protect Your Precious PC Data: From Physical Security To Encryption
...if their computers haven't been stolen.
Posted
5:20 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:08 PM
by Gene
So we can't believe the Republicans because of their ineptitude; and we can't believe the Democrats because of their malevolence. Just as before.
Posted
5:02 PM
by Gene
Posted
4:55 PM
by Gene
But when guess-who isn't having abortions doesn't that mean we may be moving away from modernity? Or has Europe become so so-what it's vanquishing itself without an army?
Posted
3:19 PM
by Gene
P. S. at 5:33 P.M.:
The Heritage Foundation’s Bruce Klingner says the United States should ask for nothing less than full dismantlement, saying, “Talking is not success, and North Korea should not be rewarded for its intransigence or its noncompliance with U.N. resolutions.” Each meeting round in Beijing “provides perfect international diplomatic cover for an unobstructed North Korean nuclear arms buildup,” writes the American Enterprise Institute's Nicholas Eberstadt, who calls the negotiations a “farce.”
Ahead of the talks, Hill admitted he did not expect to achieve full denuclearization, but that “we have a basis for making progress at this round” toward implementing the Six-Party September 2005 agreement.
Do I hear the creaky sound of fingers being crossed?
Posted
2:52 PM
by Gene
Shhhh, don't say anything, but a few people in Hollywood want to help REPLICATE HD PORN DVDs.
Remember -- quiet's the word!
Posted
2:37 PM
by Gene
If she did, it was about a couple of inches above an ad for MICKEY D'S NEW HONEY MUSTARD SNACK WRAP!!!!!
Somebody at PEOPLE WARNER's going to get a BIG PROMOTION!!!!!
Posted
10:01 AM
by Gene
After the final buzzer, the Maryland fans didn't rush the court - an indication, perhaps, of Duke's fall from elite status.
That's an insult!
P. S. at 5:15 P.M.:
Duke falls out of men's basketball poll for first time since 1996
GASP! St. K's HUMAN! What'll that do to his FEES?
Posted
8:58 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:52 AM
by Gene
This is the sort of tiny eyeball-rolling moment that reminds one of all the news-biz' bigger eyeball-rolling moments. If there's one thing a hack can't resist, it's a stupid pun. It's his Oscar Wilde moment, his time to bask in the sun of a witty apho...apho...a witty saying. And his idea of wit is the third grader's, and the third grader would cringe. And third graders run the news biz, and treat us like infants.
And what is the point of the pun? Isn't the Westminster Dog Show out of Manhattan?
Posted
6:41 AM
by Gene
HYPE aside, the absurdity of a Police reunion leading off last night's Grammy awards was a bad harbinger for the most important night in music.
No, we may not be in nursing-home territory, but as the concert biz knows we're getting there. As for the act that made figurative right arms fly upward in a salute:
The Dixie Chicks, who won an arm load of Grammys, including the top prize - album of the year - didn't help the get things started by performing the power ballad "Not Ready to Make Nice."
That tune, which snagged top honors as song of the year, was too slow and mopey at the start and too brash at the end. The ex-blonde, now brunette vocalist Natalie Maines made the song even less attractive by contorting her kisser into the angry scrunch-face during most of the tune.
An angry scrunch-face...but isn't that how the GRAMMY ALBUM OF THE YEAR is ALWAYS mouthed? Isn't that how the undying verities of POP are supposed to be mouthed? Isn't that what makes the recorded...SOUND biz a repository of ETERNAL GENIUS?
Things didn't improve from there.
Well if there's anything the recorded...SOUND biz doesn't want it's an improvement.
Posted
10:16 PM
by Gene
Which may be an increasingly rare phemomenon: GM cut its ad bills by $600 million, perhaps a sign of common sense in Detroit -- but then the head of its marketing feifdom says nope, which means GM's recovery may yet be down the road apiece.
Posted
9:38 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:32 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:20 PM
by Gene
Posted
11:51 AM
by Gene
The Poop
The Poop presents: The Muppet Movie; TIME: Hipster-parents are pretty much douche bags [Home-page squib]
There's no reason we can't hold BIGMEDIA in contempt for its "blogging" as we do for its reporting; at its worst it's merely another form of condescension. Besides, don't they give us enough godawful writing?
Posted
11:47 AM
by Gene
The extrasensory perception lab at Princeton University will be shuttered at the end of the month. Maybe you already knew that.
Really, CURLEY'S [Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!] STOOGES should stick to the comedy they know, like slanting the news.
Posted
11:44 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:26 AM
by Gene
Thunkthunkthunk testing testing 1-2-3 testing mike on? Iran is no threat to Israel. Hear me? NO THREAT TO ISRAEL. Okay turn off the mike. DEATH TO ZIONISTS!
Posted
10:20 AM
by Gene
House Minority Leader John Boehner, addressing Tuesday's closed-door conference of Republican House members, gave a clean bill of health to two California colleagues under federal investigation: Reps. Jerry Lewis and Gary Miller....
Lewis did not address the conference, but Miller pleaded innocent of wrongdoing in California land transactions. That won Miller a standing ovation, but a few colleagues noted the resemblance to a similar speech to the conference last year by then Rep. Bob Ney of Ohio. On Jan. 19, Ney was sentenced to 30 months in federal prison after pleading guilty to conspiracy in the Jack Abramoff influence-peddling scandal.
Posted
10:16 AM
by Gene
Not even the saintly Sen. BOOBS McKEATING. "The senator declined to be interviewed." Too busy running for president. WwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwELL!
