THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
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Saturday, February 17, 2007
A TNR writer propsoes a new national weekly book review. It sounds like a good (or at least well-meaning) idea until you start to think of it. With publishers disgorging a mountain of words even the most dedicated of magazines will let some works worthy of publicity languish. And who is to say that the problem is not enough well-written reviews but too many books? Wouldn't even the most discriminating of reviews get swamped? And where precisely will we find writers for it? Edmund Wilsons do not exactly flourish in publishing or academe these days. And who would pay them? Moreover Mr. Herf sems to limit himself to scholarly tomes, desiccating the air considerably. Besides we already have the New York Review of Books, which one correspondent here calls "comically narrow", and the Paper of Re-CORD's Book Review, which can be comically trendy. We've not counted the deluge of "reviews" on Amazon.com. Methinks we have enough scribble about books as it is.
What Hollywood renaissance? (title)
"Oh, my boss doesn't have a heart," Roger explained. "He works in Hollywood." (last graf)
NUF SAID.
"Oh, my boss doesn't have a heart," Roger explained. "He works in Hollywood." (last graf)
NUF SAID.
The time has come for leading news organizations to start dedicated sites devoted to one person or phenomenon. I'm not talking fan sites; I mean actual "reporting" on just one person or phenomenon. Indeed if these clowns are going to lavish so much attention on folks the rest of us have had it up to our gizzards with, why not just ditch all other topics in favor of said person or phenomenon, as that's the unspoken point of such "reporting" in the first place?
The sort of thing that could ONLY appear in Slashdot:
Linux: Stallman Convinces Cuba to Switch to Open Source
Linux: Stallman Convinces Cuba to Switch to Open Source
Friday, February 16, 2007
House Passes Measure Opposing Troop Surge
More WTC Steel Buried at Ground Zero
Why do stories like these have a habit of congregating?
More WTC Steel Buried at Ground Zero
Why do stories like these have a habit of congregating?
Olbermann's deal puts him among the highest-paid personalities in cable news, a list that includes Bill O'Reilly, Sean Hannity, Anderson Cooper, Larry King and Chris Matthews.
Left-wing demagogue, right-wing demagogue, right-wing demagogue, preening ass, preening ass, left-wing demagogue. Yep, we can understand the big bucks.
Left-wing demagogue, right-wing demagogue, right-wing demagogue, preening ass, preening ass, left-wing demagogue. Yep, we can understand the big bucks.
Dems: Iraq Is a Defeat
Who says con-SER-va-tive news orgs can't be good at bias too?
Dana Priest: 'We Need To Crack Down on Anonymous Sources'
Pffh-hh-hh hh hh hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!
Pffh-hh-hh hh hh hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!
The case for a merger, meager as it is, could go something like this: buy Chrysler for almost nothing, spin off Jeep or Hummer, absorb the minivan operations and a few other product lines, like the Chrysler 300 rear-wheel-drive platform. And then fire a lot of people. Were this merger to happen, the companies would likely see job losses on a scale that would make Chrysler's announcement to cut 13,000 from its payroll look quaint.
TRANSLATION: GM could merge a competitor out of business.
TRANSLATION: GM could merge a competitor out of business.
A DOUBLE-TRAGEDY IN BRANSON EAST: RICHARD RODGERS'S GRANDSON and William "Nobody Knows Anything" Goldman have "acrimoniously" split over developing another Camelot theme park (it had to do with "ownership" -- something R&H would have appreciated); and MATTHEW may not appear with NATHAN again, because he sorta kinda doesn't like him -- and he can't stand KERNGERSHWIN HAMMERSTEIN anymore after he STIFFED him for that new MUSICAL SITCOM!
What will Branson East do without such promising attractions? Such high-voltage theme parks? Produce more junk as usual.
"Their act is over," says a veteran producer.
WHAT? It was only supposed to live FOREVER!
P. S.
"He vus my boyfriend/He vould come home in a snit/He vould have a terrible fit/I am the first thing he vould hit/But I didn't give a s---/He vus my boyfriend."
Still sure this is a MASTERPIECE, Ben Brantleys?
What will Branson East do without such promising attractions? Such high-voltage theme parks? Produce more junk as usual.
"Their act is over," says a veteran producer.
WHAT? It was only supposed to live FOREVER!
P. S.
"He vus my boyfriend/He vould come home in a snit/He vould have a terrible fit/I am the first thing he vould hit/But I didn't give a s---/He vus my boyfriend."
Still sure this is a MASTERPIECE, Ben Brantleys?
It is useless to complain about PC in HYER EHDYUKAYSHUN anymore, for it is a well-oiled machine (oiled in large part with TAX DOLLARS) that can engage in empire building, that answers to no one, not even itself, and would not know right if it got hit on the head with a $1 TRILLION GRANT.
Last night I caught a preview screening of Ghost Rider, the new comic book movie starring Nicholas [SIC] Cage as a vengeful biker with a flaming skull for a head. One thing you can say: perfect casting. No special effects needed!
The good news is: It’s really, really bad.
That being good news from the Corner must mean it's really, really GOOD!
Especially when it stars Mr. Willies!
The good news is: It’s really, really bad.
That being good news from the Corner must mean it's really, really GOOD!
Especially when it stars Mr. Willies!
Anger at France drives Rwanda into arms of the Commonwealth
The French appear to have shrugged their shoulders once too often.
The French appear to have shrugged their shoulders once too often.
Oscar Night Will Cost Marketers $1.7 Million a Spot
Hmmm: $1 million more and we'll be able to say, "I HELPED FINANCE THE MOST EXPENSIVE ADS ON TV AND YOU DIDN'T!!!!!"
Hmmm: $1 million more and we'll be able to say, "I HELPED FINANCE THE MOST EXPENSIVE ADS ON TV AND YOU DIDN'T!!!!!"
Thursday, February 15, 2007
While I have little doubt that our (splendidly) hedonistic ways have contributed *something* to jihadist rage....
CIVIL WAR PORTENDS at THE CORNER as MULTIPLE NINCOMPOOPS FIGHT over WHO CAN PRAISE SHOW-BIZ THE MOST!
CIVIL WAR PORTENDS at THE CORNER as MULTIPLE NINCOMPOOPS FIGHT over WHO CAN PRAISE SHOW-BIZ THE MOST!
We'd never heard of Jim Black before. He was only Speaker of the North Carolina House for eight years. He has just pled guilty to taking some serious bribes. Why are state legislatures such productive breeding grounds for finanical crimes? Is it because they can operate a little under the public radar?
In light of some nasty diseases (not to mention people dying from smoking in bed) maybe the "mixed blessing" of a lower smoking population isn't so mixed.
A man who writes role-playing games tells all the thousands spending thousands of hours playing roles to GET A LIFE!!!!!
(Via the incomparable Slashdot -- ditto)
(Via the incomparable Slashdot -- ditto)
Iraq's Interior Ministry spokesman has said al-Qaida in Iraq's leader was wounded and an aide was killed in a clash north of Baghdad.
So why does this sort of thing not stop them?
So why does this sort of thing not stop them?
The Econowiz pontificates on you-know-who, and not far from my take (albeit a little bit too in awe of the MM angle, and further albeit in the ninth of ten grafs):
Americans watched and enjoyed it all; and were also aware, like gawkers driving past the scene of an accident, that they might at any moment witness something awful. The story of poor-girl-makes-good was never quite straight, the fame never without its tawdry side, the money never reliably there, the behaviour rarely unembarrassing. (Why not "often embarrassing" and be done with it?)
All very well, but dammit, why does it take rich hacks to ascertain the truth when the amateur bloggers are out there beforehand?
Americans watched and enjoyed it all; and were also aware, like gawkers driving past the scene of an accident, that they might at any moment witness something awful. The story of poor-girl-makes-good was never quite straight, the fame never without its tawdry side, the money never reliably there, the behaviour rarely unembarrassing. (Why not "often embarrassing" and be done with it?)
All very well, but dammit, why does it take rich hacks to ascertain the truth when the amateur bloggers are out there beforehand?
Great, just what Detroit needs -- a merger of Clunker Brothers.
"[A]n alliance to share the costs of designing and developing cars" my eye -- this is a de facto coupling, or rather misery loves companies.
"[A]n alliance to share the costs of designing and developing cars" my eye -- this is a de facto coupling, or rather misery loves companies.
HEAVEN FORFEND! A top NASCAR driver apologizes for -- CHEATING -- by using a FUEL ADDITIVE!!!!!
It would NOT have to do with all these CEOs who must pour zillions into the "sport" so they can say, "I SAT IN A LUXURY BOX AT DAYTONA AND YOU DIDN'T!!!!!"
“I came real close to not running today.”
And then he remembered all the zillions and thought better.
It would NOT have to do with all these CEOs who must pour zillions into the "sport" so they can say, "I SAT IN A LUXURY BOX AT DAYTONA AND YOU DIDN'T!!!!!"
“I came real close to not running today.”
And then he remembered all the zillions and thought better.
TRANSLATION: GE BANCORP AND REALTY is getting into a business where it won't make much money (consumer electronics? Didn't LEGENDARY WELCH fire 300,000 to get out of it?) in order to show off.
It doesn't make sense -- but who says a company that employs MONEY HONEY® and KEITH O makes sense?
It doesn't make sense -- but who says a company that employs MONEY HONEY® and KEITH O makes sense?
Shucks, the BIG O has to settle for $1 MILLION a YEAR to spout his ignorance.
If we could earn $1 million a year like these idiot talking heads of any stripe -- well, we would't be BLOGGING for NOTHING.
If we could earn $1 million a year like these idiot talking heads of any stripe -- well, we would't be BLOGGING for NOTHING.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
PRESS RELEASE OF THE DAY:
A delegation of 13 U.S. religious leaders will be visiting Iran next week (Feb. 17-25) in efforts to deepen dialogue with religious and political leaders there in the hope of defusing tensions between the U.S. and Iran.
During the weeklong visit the group is scheduled to meet with Christian and Muslim religious leaders, women serving in the Iranian parliament, former President Mohammad Khatami and President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.
The U.S. delegation includes representatives from the Mennonite, Quaker, Episcopal, Catholic and United Methodist churches as well as the National Council Churches [SIC], Pax Christi and Sojourners/Call to Renewal in Washington, D.C. The trip comes after 45 religious leaders met with Iranian President Ahmadinejad during his visit to New York, Sept. 20, 2006.
Let me guess -- Iran isn't such a bad nation after all!
A delegation of 13 U.S. religious leaders will be visiting Iran next week (Feb. 17-25) in efforts to deepen dialogue with religious and political leaders there in the hope of defusing tensions between the U.S. and Iran.
During the weeklong visit the group is scheduled to meet with Christian and Muslim religious leaders, women serving in the Iranian parliament, former President Mohammad Khatami and President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.
The U.S. delegation includes representatives from the Mennonite, Quaker, Episcopal, Catholic and United Methodist churches as well as the National Council Churches [SIC], Pax Christi and Sojourners/Call to Renewal in Washington, D.C. The trip comes after 45 religious leaders met with Iranian President Ahmadinejad during his visit to New York, Sept. 20, 2006.
Let me guess -- Iran isn't such a bad nation after all!
Who WOULD have known? The publisher of THE WALL STREET JOURNALS had a race-based scholarship program!
Now think of the JOURNALS, and think of which races each JOURNAL would have a scholarship program for. NUF SAID.
(Via the usual Romy)
Now think of the JOURNALS, and think of which races each JOURNAL would have a scholarship program for. NUF SAID.
(Via the usual Romy)
When we first heard of the UNICEF report on children we thought it just another attempt to STICK IT to the League of Nations' enemies, but The Econowiz says it may have a point. After all, so much of our raising of kids nowadays falls somewhere between condescension and neglect, and with media as surrogate parents the consequences grow that much more dire.
Jamie -- oh, how do you pronounce that last name? -- just hurt his chances on Synergy Lane: he called 24 "a loud, dumb TV show." We cannot recall a single negative comment on this masterwork. When we cannot recall a single negative comment on a masterwork and somebody finally makes one, some time into said masterwork's run, shouldn't that make us question whether it is a masterwork?
And yes, though the point sounds cheaply partisan, we can see BRENT opening his mouth about TV violence to cotton up to Democrats -- after all, he cottoned up to SLIME.
And yes, though the point sounds cheaply partisan, we can see BRENT opening his mouth about TV violence to cotton up to Democrats -- after all, he cottoned up to SLIME.
ANNOYING: America's HIPpest, HOTtest new BEDROOM community, Center City Philthydelphia, had a steep decline in condo selling prices -- including the LUXURY neighborhood of Rittenhouse Square. What makes us smile is that two condos are going up there. When idiot Real-TORS® get a throbbing in their big toe that tells them to build they deserve to ache ALL OVER.
We must confess there should always be a place for awwwwww stories like this. Perhaps a puppy nursing among kitties can teach us all how to get along a little better.
I'm not sure why the hacks are hot for this story either. Yes, there's a stick-it-to-CONSERVATIVES angle, and the fact it's the daughter of the EEEEEEEEEEEVIL Justice Scalia, but I'd guess that's not all. Why should we be interested when the sons and daughters of the famous get in legal trouble? What is the intrinsic interest of it? What does it say of their sons' and daughters upbringing other than zero? Yes there are exceptions; Andy Reid's two miscreants come to mind. But aren't there more pressing matters for the hacks to cover -- like Britney's latest explosion?
PA. REPUBLICAN SAYS HE PLANS TO SUPPORT DEMOCRATS' WAR RESOLUTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Overemphasis added)
I've said it before: If the shoe were on the other foot...happily we hacks never know when the foot is in the mouth.
And it doesn't change the fact it's NON-BINDING.
I've said it before: If the shoe were on the other foot...happily we hacks never know when the foot is in the mouth.
And it doesn't change the fact it's NON-BINDING.
An all-too-fitting epitaph:
Anna Nicole Smith's last movie is going direct to DVD and is scheduled to arrive in stores in May.
Anna Nicole Smith's last movie is going direct to DVD and is scheduled to arrive in stores in May.
DaimlerCorp may sell Chrysler. Why did it buy it in the first place?
P. S. at 5:15 p. m. It seems increasingly likely DaimlerCorp will do with Chrysler what TRIBCO's doing with itself: just hang on to what it's got, and go sideways-forward from there. Who really wants to buy a second-rate auto firm -- and who would waste the money on it?
P. S. at 5:15 p. m. It seems increasingly likely DaimlerCorp will do with Chrysler what TRIBCO's doing with itself: just hang on to what it's got, and go sideways-forward from there. Who really wants to buy a second-rate auto firm -- and who would waste the money on it?
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
OooooOOOOOoooooh, USAOKAY!!!!!, the OFFICIAL PR OUTLET OF NASCAR, is reporting it (NASCAR, NOT USAOKAY!!!!!, although we wonder if there's a difference) is docking four crew chiefs points for CHEATING!!!!!
The sport's smothered in money and they're worried about picky-picky violations? Yep, sounds like the CEOs of our SPONSORS are at the track!
P. S. Shucks, just another ASSPress story. Well, we can dream.
The sport's smothered in money and they're worried about picky-picky violations? Yep, sounds like the CEOs of our SPONSORS are at the track!
P. S. Shucks, just another ASSPress story. Well, we can dream.
HOT CHICKS IN BIKINIS!!!!!!!!!!
Barely covered babes ... need we say more?
It doesn't hit newsstands until tomorrow, but TMZ has your sneak peek at the mouthwatering Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue today!
For more titillating photos and video from the shoots, check out Sports Illustrated's site ... and try not to drool on your keyboard! [Synergistic overemphasis added]
PEOPLE WARNER!!!!! Need we say more?
I think JACK and WOLF have COMPETITION!
Barely covered babes ... need we say more?
It doesn't hit newsstands until tomorrow, but TMZ has your sneak peek at the mouthwatering Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue today!
For more titillating photos and video from the shoots, check out Sports Illustrated's site ... and try not to drool on your keyboard! [Synergistic overemphasis added]
PEOPLE WARNER!!!!! Need we say more?
I think JACK and WOLF have COMPETITION!
Oops! Abe "JFK" Lincoln makes his first faux pas, and it doesn't quite sound like "ASK NOT."
And yet -- the rhetorical flourish is apt for a Democrat. Since this war is WRONGWRONGWRONG, why is it not correct to suggest that our 3,000-plus have died in it for nothing? That was the mantra of Vietnam, and look how successful that was. If the Dems intend to be cowards let them be cowards FULL BORE.
And yet -- the rhetorical flourish is apt for a Democrat. Since this war is WRONGWRONGWRONG, why is it not correct to suggest that our 3,000-plus have died in it for nothing? That was the mantra of Vietnam, and look how successful that was. If the Dems intend to be cowards let them be cowards FULL BORE.
TRANSLATION: Betty Bacall's so busy making fourth-rate movies she's quickly forcing people to forget she sat on Bogie's knee and Harry Truman's piano.
We understand that people have to keep active, but doesn't she run the risk of being another Hollywood practical joke?
We understand that people have to keep active, but doesn't she run the risk of being another Hollywood practical joke?
After a long time reprinting ASSPress dispatches NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is back in the groove (albeit with a hed to another ASSPress story):
COURTHOUSE NAMED FOR RUSH LIMBAUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Overemphasis added]
As the world knows (and as the third graf admits), it is NOT; it's named for his grandfather. No, if we're going to name anything for PILLHEAD it would HAVE to be an OUTHOUSE.
COURTHOUSE NAMED FOR RUSH LIMBAUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Overemphasis added]
As the world knows (and as the third graf admits), it is NOT; it's named for his grandfather. No, if we're going to name anything for PILLHEAD it would HAVE to be an OUTHOUSE.
Speaking of the SAINT OF CABLE NEWS, if this photo is typical we suggest that Anna was starting to take on a John Waters aura.
Two PEOPLE WARNER CABLE NEWS talking heads become almost as thoroughgoing organization men as the former head of the Cartoon Network:
On February 9, about 24 hours after the death of Anna Nicole Smith, CNN curmudgeon Jack Cafferty was reading viewer emails complaining about non-stop cable coverage of that story—and agreeing with them.
"That’s the only story we reported [yesterday] for two solid hours and WE WEREN'T THE ONLY ONES," growled Wolf Blitzer’s "Situation Room" sidekick. "Her death was tabloid gold and apparently, we just couldn’t help ourselves."
"I know a lot of people are complaining about that," said Blitzer, somewhat defensively. "BUT A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE ALSO WATCHING!!!!!!!!!!" [Overemphasis added]
WHAT'S GOOD FOR PEOPLE WARNER....
(Via the usual Romy)
On February 9, about 24 hours after the death of Anna Nicole Smith, CNN curmudgeon Jack Cafferty was reading viewer emails complaining about non-stop cable coverage of that story—and agreeing with them.
"That’s the only story we reported [yesterday] for two solid hours and WE WEREN'T THE ONLY ONES," growled Wolf Blitzer’s "Situation Room" sidekick. "Her death was tabloid gold and apparently, we just couldn’t help ourselves."
"I know a lot of people are complaining about that," said Blitzer, somewhat defensively. "BUT A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE ALSO WATCHING!!!!!!!!!!" [Overemphasis added]
WHAT'S GOOD FOR PEOPLE WARNER....
(Via the usual Romy)
Yes, Dubya is in a new Nobel phase, where all he has to do is negotiate, and it gets the ASSPress to talk about "landmark" agreements, and the shrimp from Texas to say to himself, "Gee! Maybe I can make -- history!"
Put off until a later date would be negotiations about how to completely dismantle all its nuclear facilities, declare and relinquish whatever weapons and fuel it has stockpiled and decide the fate of a parallel weapons project involving the enrichment of uranium. [Emphasis added]
Hmmm -- does history have a CATCH?
Put off until a later date would be negotiations about how to completely dismantle all its nuclear facilities, declare and relinquish whatever weapons and fuel it has stockpiled and decide the fate of a parallel weapons project involving the enrichment of uranium. [Emphasis added]
Hmmm -- does history have a CATCH?
Given the screwloose bass-ackwards ways of HYER EHDYUKAYSHUN we'd think some of the screwiest screwlooses would say letting a prostitute loose in a campus dorm to spread AIDS is "liberating." At the very least the notion of a whore running naked through a college building might qualify as performance art.
What it isn't is a college serving its students.
What it isn't is a college serving its students.
Hey Joe! Just because Larry King said you can't write doesn't mean you should be flattered by it.
(Via the usual Romy)
(Via the usual Romy)
Last week we reflected how the hacks all but ignored Frankie Laine's death -- and he sold (allegedly) 100 million albums. That was unjustified, but we should reflect that someday, if there is a God, the hacks might do the same thing to KEYBOARD THROWER -- and we doubt he can carry a tune.
And as PINCH sings one last chorus of "Deutschland, Deutschland über alles", even His hack admits political conformity may not be what it used to be -- in the ELEVENTH graf:
But it is not clear that the support was uniform. Mr. Ayeroff, who founded the voter-registration group Rock the Vote, said a man sitting behind him in the Grammy audience snickered each time the Dixie Chicks received another trophy. “Finally,” Mr. Ayeroff said, “I got so disgusted, I turned around and said: ‘Dude, you’re in California now. Even our Republicans are Democrats.’” [Link SIC]
But it is not clear that the support was uniform. Mr. Ayeroff, who founded the voter-registration group Rock the Vote, said a man sitting behind him in the Grammy audience snickered each time the Dixie Chicks received another trophy. “Finally,” Mr. Ayeroff said, “I got so disgusted, I turned around and said: ‘Dude, you’re in California now. Even our Republicans are Democrats.’” [Link SIC]
Monday, February 12, 2007
Well WHO would have GUESSED?
The details are pretty geeky, but basically Microsoft has reworked a lot of the core operating system to add copy protection technology for new media formats like HD-DVD and Blu-ray disks. Certain high-quality output paths--audio and video--are reserved for protected peripheral devices. Sometimes output quality is artificially degraded; sometimes output is prevented entirely. And Vista continuously spends CPU time monitoring itself, trying to figure out if you're doing something that it thinks you shouldn't. [That's the interestingly named mfpmp.exe.] If it does, it limits functionality and in extreme cases restarts just the video subsystem. We still don't know the exact details of all this, and how far-reaching it is, but it doesn't look good.
Microsoft put all those functionality-crippling features into Vista because it wants to own the entertainment industry.
You mean ruling twenty-seven universes isn't enough for Bugmeister? We've got to RUSH out and UPGRADE -- NOW!!!!!
P. S. We suspect Little Malcolm will be hearing from Bug after this and Stephen Manes's rave review of XP-DRM -- er, VISTA. Now will Little Malcolm hold his own -- or will he just make another LIST?
P. P. S.
Microsoft is preparing to launch the next generation of its operating system by 2009.
Microsoft's corporate vice president of development Ben Fathi last week at the RSA Security conference in San Francisco suggested said that the next operating system would take about two to two-and-a-half years to build. That would put the final release at the end of 2009.
Which would be scant months after the end of "mainstream" support for XP. I say, go for it!
Comforting:
Report: FBI Loses 3 To 4 Laptops Every Month
But there is good news:
While 116 FBI laptops were reported lost and 44 were reported stolen in the last 44 months, the agency is doing better than it was five years ago, the DOJ's audit said of one of the nation's top investigative agencies. Another audit, conducted in 2002, showed that in a 28-month period 300 FBI laptops had been lost and 17 had been stolen.
Maybe the Fumblers, Bumblers and Incompetents should read this one:
How To Protect Your Precious PC Data: From Physical Security To Encryption
...if their computers haven't been stolen.
Report: FBI Loses 3 To 4 Laptops Every Month
But there is good news:
While 116 FBI laptops were reported lost and 44 were reported stolen in the last 44 months, the agency is doing better than it was five years ago, the DOJ's audit said of one of the nation's top investigative agencies. Another audit, conducted in 2002, showed that in a 28-month period 300 FBI laptops had been lost and 17 had been stolen.
Maybe the Fumblers, Bumblers and Incompetents should read this one:
How To Protect Your Precious PC Data: From Physical Security To Encryption
...if their computers haven't been stolen.
Do I detect more than a little jealousy? Of course I do. Most of the biz is jealous at Money Honey®'s wealth, and connections, and "beauty". Face it, every last hack would be Money Honey® given a choice. Indeed the biz' constant MO is to look out for Money Honeys®. That doesn't make this combination of envy and self-interest any less revolting.
For all the brave talk the Dems are in a bind. They know they can't do the noble thing and call for a withdrawal; the memories of Vietnam still linger -- and 9/11. But they can't not offer up red meat to the Deaniacs, and so we get 435 instances of sound and fury signifying nothing, and the decrepit Dubya status quo until he finally leaves office.
So we can't believe the Republicans because of their ineptitude; and we can't believe the Democrats because of their malevolence. Just as before.
So we can't believe the Republicans because of their ineptitude; and we can't believe the Democrats because of their malevolence. Just as before.
Catholic Portugal's decision to join most European countries and allow abortions has shaken the country's conservative establishment but was hailed by liberals as a victory for modernity.
But when guess-who isn't having abortions doesn't that mean we may be moving away from modernity? Or has Europe become so so-what it's vanquishing itself without an army?
But when guess-who isn't having abortions doesn't that mean we may be moving away from modernity? Or has Europe become so so-what it's vanquishing itself without an army?
Not too long ago Dubya's critics accused him of wanting to bomb everyone in sight. Now he seems to want to negotiate with everyone in sight. How well this works we probably won't know until twenty years hence, but we suspect negotiating with everyone in sight will hardly be better than bombing everyone in sight.
P. S. at 5:33 P.M.:
The Heritage Foundation’s Bruce Klingner says the United States should ask for nothing less than full dismantlement, saying, “Talking is not success, and North Korea should not be rewarded for its intransigence or its noncompliance with U.N. resolutions.” Each meeting round in Beijing “provides perfect international diplomatic cover for an unobstructed North Korean nuclear arms buildup,” writes the American Enterprise Institute's Nicholas Eberstadt, who calls the negotiations a “farce.”
Ahead of the talks, Hill admitted he did not expect to achieve full denuclearization, but that “we have a basis for making progress at this round” toward implementing the Six-Party September 2005 agreement.
Do I hear the creaky sound of fingers being crossed?
P. S. at 5:33 P.M.:
The Heritage Foundation’s Bruce Klingner says the United States should ask for nothing less than full dismantlement, saying, “Talking is not success, and North Korea should not be rewarded for its intransigence or its noncompliance with U.N. resolutions.” Each meeting round in Beijing “provides perfect international diplomatic cover for an unobstructed North Korean nuclear arms buildup,” writes the American Enterprise Institute's Nicholas Eberstadt, who calls the negotiations a “farce.”
Ahead of the talks, Hill admitted he did not expect to achieve full denuclearization, but that “we have a basis for making progress at this round” toward implementing the Six-Party September 2005 agreement.
Do I hear the creaky sound of fingers being crossed?
Did Britney Blow Chunks?
If she did, it was about a couple of inches above an ad for MICKEY D'S NEW HONEY MUSTARD SNACK WRAP!!!!!
Somebody at PEOPLE WARNER's going to get a BIG PROMOTION!!!!!
If she did, it was about a couple of inches above an ad for MICKEY D'S NEW HONEY MUSTARD SNACK WRAP!!!!!
Somebody at PEOPLE WARNER's going to get a BIG PROMOTION!!!!!
The Dukies lose their fourth straight, and...
After the final buzzer, the Maryland fans didn't rush the court - an indication, perhaps, of Duke's fall from elite status.
That's an insult!
P. S. at 5:15 P.M.:
Duke falls out of men's basketball poll for first time since 1996
GASP! St. K's HUMAN! What'll that do to his FEES?
After the final buzzer, the Maryland fans didn't rush the court - an indication, perhaps, of Duke's fall from elite status.
That's an insult!
P. S. at 5:15 P.M.:
Duke falls out of men's basketball poll for first time since 1996
GASP! St. K's HUMAN! What'll that do to his FEES?
Reign of terrier likely to go on at Westminster
This is the sort of tiny eyeball-rolling moment that reminds one of all the news-biz' bigger eyeball-rolling moments. If there's one thing a hack can't resist, it's a stupid pun. It's his Oscar Wilde moment, his time to bask in the sun of a witty apho...apho...a witty saying. And his idea of wit is the third grader's, and the third grader would cringe. And third graders run the news biz, and treat us like infants.
And what is the point of the pun? Isn't the Westminster Dog Show out of Manhattan?
This is the sort of tiny eyeball-rolling moment that reminds one of all the news-biz' bigger eyeball-rolling moments. If there's one thing a hack can't resist, it's a stupid pun. It's his Oscar Wilde moment, his time to bask in the sun of a witty apho...apho...a witty saying. And his idea of wit is the third grader's, and the third grader would cringe. And third graders run the news biz, and treat us like infants.
And what is the point of the pun? Isn't the Westminster Dog Show out of Manhattan?
Seeing all the heds for our favorite "country" group winning all those piles of tin you could almost hear the hacks humming, "Deutschland, Deutschland, über alles...." But last night probably wasn't an immortal masterpiece, as DA POST!!!!!'s ad blurbist admits:
HYPE aside, the absurdity of a Police reunion leading off last night's Grammy awards was a bad harbinger for the most important night in music.
No, we may not be in nursing-home territory, but as the concert biz knows we're getting there. As for the act that made figurative right arms fly upward in a salute:
The Dixie Chicks, who won an arm load of Grammys, including the top prize - album of the year - didn't help the get things started by performing the power ballad "Not Ready to Make Nice."
That tune, which snagged top honors as song of the year, was too slow and mopey at the start and too brash at the end. The ex-blonde, now brunette vocalist Natalie Maines made the song even less attractive by contorting her kisser into the angry scrunch-face during most of the tune.
An angry scrunch-face...but isn't that how the GRAMMY ALBUM OF THE YEAR is ALWAYS mouthed? Isn't that how the undying verities of POP are supposed to be mouthed? Isn't that what makes the recorded...SOUND biz a repository of ETERNAL GENIUS?
Things didn't improve from there.
Well if there's anything the recorded...SOUND biz doesn't want it's an improvement.
HYPE aside, the absurdity of a Police reunion leading off last night's Grammy awards was a bad harbinger for the most important night in music.
No, we may not be in nursing-home territory, but as the concert biz knows we're getting there. As for the act that made figurative right arms fly upward in a salute:
The Dixie Chicks, who won an arm load of Grammys, including the top prize - album of the year - didn't help the get things started by performing the power ballad "Not Ready to Make Nice."
That tune, which snagged top honors as song of the year, was too slow and mopey at the start and too brash at the end. The ex-blonde, now brunette vocalist Natalie Maines made the song even less attractive by contorting her kisser into the angry scrunch-face during most of the tune.
An angry scrunch-face...but isn't that how the GRAMMY ALBUM OF THE YEAR is ALWAYS mouthed? Isn't that how the undying verities of POP are supposed to be mouthed? Isn't that what makes the recorded...SOUND biz a repository of ETERNAL GENIUS?
Things didn't improve from there.
Well if there's anything the recorded...SOUND biz doesn't want it's an improvement.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
IF IT'S BAD IT'S IN AD...AGE: The thousands of YESPERSONS who read Rance's rag will say, "Oh yes yes yes, we mustn't pay $2.6 million to run stupid ads during the Super Bowl right right right!", and then, when feeling the hot breath of a CEO who wants his LUXURY SUITE, will be happy to accomodate him -- not to mention THEMSELVES.
Which may be an increasingly rare phemomenon: GM cut its ad bills by $600 million, perhaps a sign of common sense in Detroit -- but then the head of its marketing feifdom says nope, which means GM's recovery may yet be down the road apiece.
Which may be an increasingly rare phemomenon: GM cut its ad bills by $600 million, perhaps a sign of common sense in Detroit -- but then the head of its marketing feifdom says nope, which means GM's recovery may yet be down the road apiece.
Tonight I allowed myself to have the Bugmeister entertain me with a sales pitch for his NEW! IMPROVED! XP -- er, VISTA. Some of the apps look neato, but it's clear they might be done through other means. He shows of the flippable pages of priceless manuscripts at the British Museum -- and when you click on the site you find you can do it with Shockwave! (Although the effects may not be as neato.) We don't suppose the BILL GATES Codex Leicester has anything to do with it, huh? Fortunately SUMNER has the right idea -- to use His TurboNick you HAVE to HAVE VISTA! But this would seem to limit His audience -- and it will be awhile till lots of parents and kids have the OS, whatever its WOW FACTOR. (Maybe this brilliant idea is one reason TurboNick's parent is laying off several hundreds, n'est-ce pas? But then Pinch wants to charge for His Paper of Re-CORD Reader -- and darnit if that isn't XP-compatible! What gives here?) But really, is zooming in an out of pictures of NorthFace gear that exciting? And how practical will 3D illustrations in Word documents be outside CAD/CAM -- and maybe GRAPHICAL NOVELS? One suspects Bug knows he's selling an old wine in new bottles -- which might explain why His stock has gone down every day since Vista's official release. Second bubble, huh?
We understand why Iran's reformists prefer we keep our cool. The problem is, when your president talks of nuking Israel and the Holocaust as myth a civilized people can't keep quiet; at any rate it plays well with the holy cockroaches, and that, alas, may be all he needs; besides, there's been talk of reformists for decades, and the best we got was the Holy Two-Face.
A piece like this is testimony of how straight reporting has become well-nigh impossible. Faced with a master of spin like the Bionic Do, most hacks are content to spin the spin, often with a heavy dose of irony as here, leaving the reader as confused and suspicious as ever. (Of course Elea-NOR's presence in a byline is suspicious in its own right.) Most times the reader must go by his best instincts. The only thing is he doesn't get paid six digits to bloviate about them.
And elsewhere in the kingdom of BIGMEDIA, HEARST -- MARCHES ON:
The Poop
The Poop presents: The Muppet Movie; TIME: Hipster-parents are pretty much douche bags [Home-page squib]
There's no reason we can't hold BIGMEDIA in contempt for its "blogging" as we do for its reporting; at its worst it's merely another form of condescension. Besides, don't they give us enough godawful writing?
The Poop
The Poop presents: The Muppet Movie; TIME: Hipster-parents are pretty much douche bags [Home-page squib]
There's no reason we can't hold BIGMEDIA in contempt for its "blogging" as we do for its reporting; at its worst it's merely another form of condescension. Besides, don't they give us enough godawful writing?
Elsewhere the Universe's Leading News Organization shows a sense of humor:
The extrasensory perception lab at Princeton University will be shuttered at the end of the month. Maybe you already knew that.
Really, CURLEY'S [Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!] STOOGES should stick to the comedy they know, like slanting the news.
The extrasensory perception lab at Princeton University will be shuttered at the end of the month. Maybe you already knew that.
Really, CURLEY'S [Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!] STOOGES should stick to the comedy they know, like slanting the news.
J'ACCUSE!!!!! The ASSPress scrunches its face and gets angry because some college students staged A POLITICALLY INCORRECT PARTY!!!!! Okay, they shouldn't have done it, but we can think of certain things our BIGMEDIA superiors shouldn't do that are offensive, but they do them anyway -- because they're BIGMEDIA.
Iran negotiator: Nuclear program 'no threat to Israel'
Thunkthunkthunk testing testing 1-2-3 testing mike on? Iran is no threat to Israel. Hear me? NO THREAT TO ISRAEL. Okay turn off the mike. DEATH TO ZIONISTS!
Thunkthunkthunk testing testing 1-2-3 testing mike on? Iran is no threat to Israel. Hear me? NO THREAT TO ISRAEL. Okay turn off the mike. DEATH TO ZIONISTS!
Elsewhere in the land of the handout, where they don't call you a beggar for begging:
House Minority Leader John Boehner, addressing Tuesday's closed-door conference of Republican House members, gave a clean bill of health to two California colleagues under federal investigation: Reps. Jerry Lewis and Gary Miller....
Lewis did not address the conference, but Miller pleaded innocent of wrongdoing in California land transactions. That won Miller a standing ovation, but a few colleagues noted the resemblance to a similar speech to the conference last year by then Rep. Bob Ney of Ohio. On Jan. 19, Ney was sentenced to 30 months in federal prison after pleading guilty to conspiracy in the Jack Abramoff influence-peddling scandal.
House Minority Leader John Boehner, addressing Tuesday's closed-door conference of Republican House members, gave a clean bill of health to two California colleagues under federal investigation: Reps. Jerry Lewis and Gary Miller....
Lewis did not address the conference, but Miller pleaded innocent of wrongdoing in California land transactions. That won Miller a standing ovation, but a few colleagues noted the resemblance to a similar speech to the conference last year by then Rep. Bob Ney of Ohio. On Jan. 19, Ney was sentenced to 30 months in federal prison after pleading guilty to conspiracy in the Jack Abramoff influence-peddling scandal.
The wholly-owned subsidiaries of lobbyists that are Congresspoops continue to rake in the dough, and no one talks about ethics anymore.
Not even the saintly Sen. BOOBS McKEATING. "The senator declined to be interviewed." Too busy running for president. WwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwELL!
Not even the saintly Sen. BOOBS McKEATING. "The senator declined to be interviewed." Too busy running for president. WwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwELL!