Posted 9:20 PM by Gene

Any GanNETtoid who quotes from PERFESSER THOMPSON while helping his bosses plug SUPER BOWL ADS deserves...



A NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD!

Posted 12:26 AM by Gene

Here's another profound example of news-hack Swift so impressive AHTSJournal linked to it, which we translate thus: The Web makes a great come-hither noise -- that in time will become an embarrassed (and embarrassing) silence.

Posted 12:07 AM by Gene

AP NEWSALERT!

KANDAHAR, Afghanistan (AP) -- Afghan police say border patrol fatally shot 7 civilians it mistook for insurgents.

We dare say, alas, a lot of people in that part of the world might be mistaken for -- insurgents.

Posted 12:04 AM by Gene

A hack whose name inaptly resembles gunslinger writes what he supposes to be rollicking social commentary, further proof PINCH and SLIM can't put their pile of posturing and puff pieces behind a wall fast enough.

Posted 11:36 PM by Gene

Irene Rosenfeld runs for No. 10!

Posted 6:12 PM by Gene

There will be no work stoppage in the NFL, the most highly self-regarding collection of zillionaires this side of The Four Hundred -- but that's not to negate hope.

Posted 6:03 PM by Gene

I'm thinking lately there haven't been too many PC provocations of Christians (i.e., Piss Christ). Perhaps there are so many now we don't notice. But one thing, and one thing only, now renders them impotent: Islam. We may safely assume anyone who plays that "transgressive" game curls into the fetal position just thinking of being shot by a Muslim MILITANT for making fun of his faith. Not only does Islam render such provocations moot, it renders them hypocritical. There will be more such provocations, but thanks to an emboldened people such jokes are self-neutering.

Indeed I go one step further: Any culture maven who proclaims he "pushes the envelope" pretty well has his folded, sealed and sent down the nearest coal mine -- thanks to that unmentionable religion.

Posted 12:16 PM by Gene

We think of certain CEOs as honorary Democrats because they go out of their way to be PC and finance show-business, and certainly the head of Moon 'n' Stars must qualify; so it is astonishing to read that he's chiding His Omnipotence for wanting to taxtaxtax business!

A CEO as "a straight talker"! Now that's a rarity. But we'd like to hear him talk about all that junk TV he finances before calling him a hero. We've had too many CEO "heroes".

(Via Seeking Alpha)

Posted 8:41 AM by Gene

And why must people see what's happening in the world economy as a bunch of unfortunate coincidences rather than an organic whole? But of course -- it's a way of denying we're in a global depression, and we all know it, despite the best efforts to deny it.

(Via TINA!!!!!)

Posted 8:31 AM by Gene

And just how much should CEOs celebrate? The unemployment rate went down! Why is that bad news? Wanna bet it went down because so many more people are out of the work force? Let's party, CEOs!

Posted 8:20 AM by Gene

Speaking of, every idiot CEO who thinks he can still get away with hugging himself at the Super Bowl should be tarred and feathered -- and I'm not sure I mean that figuratively.

Posted 8:16 AM by Gene

Mr. Toyoda has "apologized", which we should take as seriously as any other corporate apology -- a cost of doing business.

Posted 6:38 PM by Gene

We see America's Sister is lonely and her friends want her to date an "older, mature man." Hey we qualify! (For older, anyway.) But he has to be a zillionaire. Didn't Anna Nicole You-Know-Who marry one? But shucks, she'll go back to dating airheads -- "actors and musicians", because actresses know nothing they haven't rehearsed.

(Via -- oh well -- the interns at VULTURE)

Posted 6:19 PM by Gene

Or to put our fantastical Super Bore another way, if it happened in another nation we'd likely say, "Who cares"? We hate posting pictures for people looking for PR0N, but we doubt if anyone on this side of the Atlantic knows who this comely lass is, yet she is in the sad middle of a British near-equivalent of the TGSM mess. Given no one here knows who this comely lass is reminds us that very few Americans care for soc -- FOOTBALL, just as very few Brits care for foo -- AMERICAN football, which should tell us both sports are oblivious time wasters in their own ways, which should further tell us any nation that can waste so much time vacuuming out its brains deserves to be the banana republic it's in danger of becoming -- and yes, we speak for BOTH nations.

Posted 6:09 PM by Gene

As if on cue for another TV bonanza, Yahoo! and the TWXSTERS run a joint press release. How many people see such advertising and wish its recipient ill? When will the marketers who run every news suite of BIGMEDIA learn of the phrase "reverse psychology"?

Yahoo! "edits" its "news" for three-year-olds. When does it suffer the same sad fate as the former TWXSTER overlords?

Posted 5:46 PM by Gene

Astonishing that anyone in the Semi-Independent Nation on the Pacific Coast would entertain its losing House seats, but God does it deserve it.

Posted 5:28 PM by Gene

Another MadAve bloviator self-pityingly laments what has become of the ad biz:

[O]ver the years, while many of the games were lacking, the ads weren't. For several years, the ads were more memorable than the game. [Which took MadAve GENIUS! --ED.] People started to pay more attention to the ads, anticipating what clever idea might come next.

The press picked up on this, writing stories about which advertisers would be in the Super Bowl, which ones were out, and what they were spending. They previewed the ads, reported on "banned" ads, wrote stories about the best and worst ads, and have now set up on-line ratings that are published the day after the game.

Ah, the ratings. It's the ratings that have ruined Super Bowl ads.

TRANSLATION: Blame GanNETt. That jernalistic super-RealTOR perfected the art of ranking Super Bowl ads. It can't report to save its hide but it can rank Super Bowl ads.

Because of the attention to the ratings, Super Bowl ads are now dangerously close to a series of Saturday Night Live skits, designed to bombastically amuse the viewer. While I would admit that an ad's biggest crime may be to be forgotten, Super Bowl ads have become a contest where each competitor sees who can out-gross, out-animal-talk or out-uncomfortable-body-part the next ad. The hype and ratings have continued to erode the quality and integrity of ideas.

What's the remedy?

Ignore the ratings. Avoid the clichés.

BOLD THINKING!!!!!

Resist using talking babies, cute animals and crotch shots -- well, unless you're selling diapers, pet food or jock straps.

Go back to listening to consumers [?????????? --ED.] before the Super Bowl.

Okay guy, since you seem to think big business listens, if I could talk to a high-mucky-muck Super Bowl-enabling consumer-products CEO I'd say, "Hey moron, you spent zillions of our money on offensive ads so you can hector the help for years boasting that you were in a luxury box at the Super Bowl. I hate you for other reasons but this makes my esteem for you subterranean. Please build yourself a rocket to Mars and GET LOST! You sponsor the Super Bowl so you can AFFORD it."

Posted 5:07 PM by Gene

ARCHDaily!



Some buildings scream, "I'M MODERN ARCHITECTURE!"



SO DOES THIS ONE!



AND THIS ONE!



AND THIS ONE! (In Philthydelphia, natch.)

Why can't starchitects keep quiet?

Posted 9:42 AM by Gene

Unique among the press stooges are SUPERADAM's teeming coterie of interns who type his Vulture section, engaging in the most flagrant show-biz fanny-kissing with just a smidgeon of irony and just enough harmless leavening sarcasm to fool credulous readers -- and whose SUPERBOSS compounds their excellence by hiding their bylines (you have to click on the comments to find them). Your modern hack may think himself new and improved when he's no different from the rats who scampered along Fleet Street, or the numb lockstep types who put out balderdash for Citizen Hearst and Henry Luce. BS is BS whatever the medium -- and whenever.

Posted 9:35 AM by Gene

One of show-biz' leading stooges is SHARON, who just ran a favor stating (as we've mentioned before) how TV's sugar daddies are BACK!!!!!, but it does contain this curiosity...

Of course, much like the broader economic recovery, the business of television advertising is still a long way away from actual growth. [Emphasis added]

...in the eighteenth graf. Somehow the exciting news on unemployment makes us suspect show-biz flacks, for all their outward confidence, may be looking for jobs harder than ever.

Posted 9:21 AM by Gene

If you consume too much "news" as I do you become painfully aware the industry is full of stooges. Stooges for the left, stooges for the right, stooges for every conceivable industry. E. J., one of the left's most reliable stooges, has lent himself out as a flack for Veep Throttlebottom. Oh yes, he can call it an interview, but this being the paper of the SA-LOHN we can recognize it as a pure partisan favor. This sort of thing shouldn't surprise us -- Throttle hired a TWXSTER as his spokespoop and he was never seen again. E. J. long established himself as one of those we don't read just from the byline, combining table-pounding partisanship with an unshakable superiority and surpassing glibness; but the important thing he is not that he is left, but that he is a news hack, a zillionaire news hack, a condescending news hack, and he reminds us we peons' challenge in putting the demagogues and liars and ad salesmen out of the biz has only begun, and will never end.

Posted 7:25 PM by Gene

PEOPLE WARNER thought it could produce an umpteenth crime drama for SUMNER'S NETWORK, which already has umpteen of them, and when that proved perhaps an umpteenth too many the TWXSTERS took a $77 million writedown, which they could do without qualms because they know their sugar daddies will always be around to cover the cost of umpteen crime dramas, or however many pieces of JUNK TELEVISION Mr. Bew-KES and SUMNER wish to inflict on Their RETARDS (we know THEY won't stop using the word); but the recently ended drought in advertiser donations to big media suggests such hopeful thinking may not be -- wise, however infinitely SUMNER lives to redeem it.

Posted 2:58 PM by Gene

Guess what! The American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers wants to finance three-song playlists again!

Posted 12:32 PM by Gene

Who knew His Omnipotence sports TWO Alexander P. Throttlebottoms -- one as vice-president and one in Transportation!

I guess he remembered Toyota makes cars here too!

(Via Bloomberg via FinViz.com)

Posted 10:26 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: ARIANNA!!!!!'s trying to boost her audience. GLENN!!!!!'s trying to boost his ratings.

SHUT UP, both of you!

(Sorry for the NewsMAX!)

Posted 9:39 AM by Gene

I suspect that Apple believes that when Jobs does eventually pass on, the company would simply take a three-day vacation and wait for Jobs to resurrect himself so things can go on as they always have.

Why not? If SUMNER has eternal life why can't The Lord God Steve?

And look at those hosannahs from His Church! They BELIEVE!

Posted 9:33 AM by Gene

Contributions to Colleges Drop 12%

Could all those rich dodos finally be comprehending where their largess is going? No, probably just the depr -- ECONOMY.

Posted 9:06 AM by Gene

OSCAR: 10 GREAT!!!!! MOVIES!!!!! [Hooray-for-Hollywood overemphasis added]

So -- the experiment worked ! There are more GREAT!!!!! movies now than in the thirties and forties!



A NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD TO SCOTT!

Posted 8:51 AM by Gene

How unfortunate that guvment must own Detroit's truly astounding Guardian Building, but at least it's occupied.

Posted 8:49 AM by Gene

Toyota is digging a hole for itself all the way to Japan, and Mr. Toyoda seems ready to step into it on the other end.

I'm beginning to think it couldn't happen to a nicer company.

Posted 8:44 AM by Gene

Ohhhhh, a dark, dark, DARK day for SUMNER NETWORK NEWS, and all the genius being kicked onto the street.

Yes some undeserving people are losing their jobs, but if these folks are so wonderful why did their flagship broadcast keep sinking in the ratings? And how much high-powered talent did it cost to put superscripts on the air?

(Via the usual Romy, who is very mournful)

Posted 8:44 AM by Gene

It can't be! The Chief Social Engineer courageously demands justice -- and now he's being hung out to dry?

NO JUSTICE, NO PEACE! PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!

Posted 8:03 PM by Gene

"[A] law enforcement source" doesn't tell Politico.com that our Christmas bomber is cooperating for his health. I wonder, Bob, has this gotten so embarrassing even you're ashamed? Or maybe the Chief Social Engineer's looking out for his career health?

(Via TINA!!!!!)

Posted 6:39 PM by Gene

The 22-year prison sentence given to would-be Los Angeles International Airport bomber Ahmed Ressam is so lenient that it constitutes procedural error and failure by the Seattle judge who sentenced him to adequately protect the public, a federal appeals court ruled Tuesday.

A divided three-judge panel of the U.S. 9th Circuit Court of Appeals [TRANSLATION: The Chief Social Engineer has fans there] ordered the Algerian's case transferred to a different judge for resentencing, saying that U.S. District Court Judge John C. Coughenour failed to heed federal sentencing guidelines and a U.S. Supreme Court rebuke.

Speaking of rebuke, could we call this one to His Omnipotence?

Posted 6:23 PM by Gene

Something called Shine has made a stink because Gray-DOHN's latest cover is lily-white. It can't be true Gray-DOHN is indifferent to "people of color" -- I'm sure he employs some as maids. All kidding aside (who's kidding?), what really rankles is how many starlets did Gray-DOHN plug in, say, 1994? Who remembers them now, whatever their skin color?

I wonder: Did one of Gray-DOHN's mai -- PR types whisper a sweet nothing into a Yahoo!ligan's ear? I wouldn't put it past Gray-DOHN...or Yahoo!

Posted 5:49 PM by Gene

Of course there is...ARCHDaily!



This is going up in Nawlans? Katrina's destruction wasn't complete!



A water filtration plant? A mausoleum for native Americans!



And speaking of mausoleums, here's one for economists -- or audio engineers!

Posted 5:47 PM by Gene

Think of these GENIUSES of recorded sound as WEARING their..."MUSIC", and you'll get the idea.



And who was Elvis channeling? DRUDGE?!?!?

(Originally posted 10:46 a. m. as a placeholder)

Posted 1:50 PM by Gene

Newspaper Web Site Traffic Slipped in Q4

All the more reason to go pay!

(Via the usual Romy)

Posted 1:37 PM by Gene

Brennan: All Transferred Detainees Who Returned to Terrorism Were Released by Bush, No Recidivism for Those Released by Obama

1. We'd have expected Dubya's motley crew not to notice. 2. Start counting, John! 3. How many people in His Omnipotence's government are running for president?

Posted 10:30 AM by Gene

This time MICHAEL didn't need G000,000,000,000,000,000GLE:



When will people finally realize that computers do NOT have brains?

Posted 9:23 AM by Gene

We may presume the Wall Street Casino has sent many of these companies threatening to "deluge" America with their debt into the stratosphere, meaning not only is our "recovery" bifurcated, those promoting it have a split-level head.

Posted 9:04 AM by Gene

And the more hacks abandon themselves to typing basest drivel, and the more their audience shrugs its shoulders in disgust and further inures itself to drivel for self-defense, the less likely we get articles that can tell something approaching the truth, like this 1963 TNR review that intimates despite itself Mr. Franny and Zooey may not have been that good.

Posted 8:56 AM by Gene

In the industry's current state, it's hard to imagine a slate of 10 nominees that could come anywhere near capturing the luster of the Class of 39 [sic].

STILL.... [Hooray-for-Hollywood overemphasis added]

ALWAYS count on entertainment hacks to be looking for jobs.

How do so many topics of public conversation get so tiresome so fast?

Posted 8:41 AM by Gene

As further proof we have a bifurcated "recovery", the zanies of MadAve are likely back to burning their clients' money, and the clients seem more intent than ever on bequeathing it, and no one knows if it really does any good, and thankfully no one has to care.

"Evidence of improvement in advertising trends since third-quarter earnings has been largely anecdotal."

Hey so long as the anecdotes are from SUMNER BROADCASTING and ad-sales departments that's all the proof we need!

Posted 8:33 AM by Gene

A reason to pinch yourself today:

Print classified advertising revenue down 70% in 10 years

We were about to say these jackasses won't have quite the wherewithal to insult our intelligence anymore but they seem to do the same efficient job with fewer typists, and so many have moved to the Web their numbers have increased.

Posted 8:46 PM by Gene

ASSPress, having made an ASS of itself by censoring Perfesser Thompson, seems to have found a new sound-byte machine to take his place. His name is Paul Levinson. Remember the name:

PAUL LEVINSON.

You'll have to. ASSPress won't make you forget it.

Posted 8:01 PM by Gene

ARCHDaily!



A two-story bathroom turned inside-out.

AND:



A very expensive copper-clad kiln -- OR -- Concerto for Three Fingers.

Posted 7:21 PM by Gene

Jo-NAH gets EXTREMELY EXCITED!!!!!!!!!! over a WALTER WINCHELL STORY LINK!!!!!!!!!, only to have to sort of completely backtrack when it turns into nothing. This is why I avoid WALTER WINCHELL!!!!! -- and this is why I do not think too very highly of zillion-dollar con-SER-va-tive pundits who turn to HIM for their news before anyone else.

PARTIAL CORRECTION on 2/3 at 11:19 a. m. Jo-NAH linked to THIS BLOG POST!!!!!, which apparently broke the "news", but the fact he mentions WALT the way he does means he must have gotten it from HIM FIRST, so I stand by my assertion.

Posted 11:18 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: American Catholics have a crisis in faith -- that mysteriously vanishes at Catholic kolledges. PLEASE.

Posted 10:39 AM by Gene

Jeff Jacoby devises a reliable new excuse for the Nine Fingers' ruling: Campaign advertising DOESN'T WORK!

So why are MITCH and MB2 drooling?

(Via Jo-NAHdom)

Posted 10:06 AM by Gene

GREAT: Luke Spielberg's making a GERSHWIN BIOPIC.

After Johnny Williams is through he'll sound like Erich Wolfgang Korngold -- if Luke hasn't fixed George's brain tumor, that is.

Or maybe Luke will make it without music. By all means DO, Luke!

Posted 9:41 AM by Gene

His Omnipotence is scrapping manned lunar missions, presumably to help pay for such things as trials for MILITANTS.

Posted 9:37 AM by Gene

WHY JEFF ZUCK KEEPS HIS JOB: Only in broadcasting could an outfit that loses tens of millions a year be considered a success.

Posted 9:18 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: The author of Franny and Zooey may have written a lot of secret hooey.

When Salinger declared that he was writing for himself, not for the world, he was echoing the words of the Bhagavad Gita that Seymour and Buddy Glass posted on their wall: "Work done with anxiety about results is far inferior to work done without such anxiety, in the calm of self-surrender." Yet this philosophy seems incompatible with the writing of fiction, which is nothing if not an engagement with the world and the self. It seems highly unlikely that the books Salinger wrote for his own pleasure—if they exist—could be as lovable as the books he wrote for the pleasure of his readers.

HINT HINT, BIG MEDIA?

(Via the usual AHTSJournal)

Posted 9:12 AM by Gene

Amazon.com has one hell of a nerve complaining about Macmillan. I keep a very active shopping cart. How many times have I put something in the cart only to see its price jump 30 or 40 percent the next day? (I know, the opposite can happen, but it doesn't seem to happen quite as often.) Before complaining about Macmillan's predatory pricing JEFF!!!!! might want to look into HIS.

Posted 9:06 AM by Gene

Any government that can spend so much money on its "rubber room" can spend money on anything. Let us hope Honorary Mayor Mike's anger is not cosmetic.

Posted 8:53 AM by Gene

And what awaits a female suicide bomber? 72 eunuchs?

Posted 8:50 AM by Gene

Speaking of hacks, the bad news, from a hed:

Gannett reverses 4Q loss

The good news:

Ad sales still dropping

The bad news: GCI still goes up $5 today.

Posted 8:31 AM by Gene

I think I know why the news hacks' show-biz hype grates on me: it's because they've cured cancer. I don't know when they first cured it; probably when Joseph P-Ulitzer uttered his first bromide. The impetus for cancer curing goes back further, of course, to Horace Greeley's one-man drive for the Emancipation Proclamation, or even earlier perhaps to the abolitionist papers, but they were truly in the right, and their views were no doubt the exception, the press always tilting toward reaction. Cancer curing advanced in earnest in 1971 with the Pentagon Papers, and reached a fever pitch when Woodstein forced Tricky Dick's resignation and other P-Ulitzer winners ended an UNJUST WAR, and none of the mountainous fiascoes or shame or the cold clear stare of history since have vanquished that heroism. So news hacks can cure cancer while causing mental obesity with their verbal junk food.

Posted 8:22 AM by Gene

President Barack Obama proposes a $3.8 trillion fiscal 2011 budget today that calls for $100 billion in additional stimulus spending and projects this year’s deficit will hit a record $1.6 trillion.

So much for counting pennies.

Posted 8:06 PM by Gene

AMERICA'S LEADING PR HANDOUT!!!!! finally realizes maybe that masterwork it and its fellow flack sheets have been touting isn't THE BIGGEST BOX-OFFICE SUCCESS OF ALL TIME!!!!!, and SCOTT (who's probably been looking for that cushy studio job ever since he was lucky enough to wind up with AMERICA'S LEADING PR HANDOUT!!!!!), being the fine publicity maven he is, has the guts to type this:

Studio executives argue that comparing the performance of films today with those of decades past is an unfair comparison....

But it's a comparison studios brought on themselves, says Paul Dergarabedian of Hollywood.com.

"Hollywood has always liked to beat its chest," he says.

It's a wonder PAUL DRECK has chest bones.



Nonetheless, for his devoted use of another of America's great PR kings, A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO SCOTT!

Posted 10:18 AM by Gene

Shhh, don't say anything, but Speaker Babs and Whiny Reid are trying to push Obamacare..veeeeeery quietly. Promise you won't tell? We won't!

Posted 9:59 AM by Gene

BREAKING NEWS FROM THE MESS!!!!!

BREAKING NEWS: Accused 9/11 plotter likely to be executed — White House spokesman

But BOB, what if we have that CIVILIAN TRIAL your Chief Social Engineer has the hots for -- and we find TWELVE IGNORAMUSES who are willing to give him LIFE -- or maybe even ACQUIT HIM? What THEN?

We know one thing: your TONGUE will get us out of any jam, BOB.