THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
Blogroll Me!
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Saturday, February 28, 2009
Paul Harvey was at the heart of modern radio. He was, first and foremost, a salesman; and the perceived efficacy of his pitches surely helped lead petty tyrants like LOWSY MAYS and ZONNNNNNNNN to build their radio empires, dedicated to the notion of selling, the listener be damned, empires built with enormous debt, now imploding under it. Just this week the NYSE delisted Harvey's employer, Citadel. By all accounts he was a gentleman and had respect for his audience; and we don't blame him for what radio is now, for the ungentlemen and disrespect for the audience that turned radio into one continuous shill, which is why (thankfully) it's in one continuous heap of trouble today.
A RORSCHACH TEST OF MU-SICK: When our daily news whines are having trouble covering city hall, when Rocky Mountain Newses are folding, when newspaper chains are declaring bankruptcy or cutting their dividends, it is hard to believe the Boston Globe has what seem like twelve rock mu-SICK cri-TICS. And their schtick here is exasperating: they mock overrated acts and praise acts they admit are mostly bad -- and tellingly their mocks are far longer than their praises, which we can't ascribe to mere guilt feelings for the latter. It is exasperating because our news hacks have only spent the last four decades telling us we live in an age of unprecedented cultural bounty, yet now, now in 2009, they must concede the Four Mop-Haired Jesus Christs have become tiresome through overexposure, and that William Shakespeare Dylan cannot sing -- and that it seems like the first time such concerted common sense has run in a paper makes this effusion of would-be iconoclasm even more exasperating.
Here's a great way to improve public-opinion polls: Divide the results by IQ.
Buffett admits mistakes in annual Berkshire letter
ST. WARREN is...MORTAL?!?
P. S. at 11:40 a. m. NO:
Warren Buffett still optimistic after rough 2008
Nifty job changing the hed on us, ASSPRESS!
P. S. at 1:20 p. m. The ASSPress does even better:
Buffett sees economic shambles, still optimistic
Shut up, ASSPRESS!
ST. WARREN is...MORTAL?!?
P. S. at 11:40 a. m. NO:
Warren Buffett still optimistic after rough 2008
Nifty job changing the hed on us, ASSPRESS!
P. S. at 1:20 p. m. The ASSPress does even better:
Buffett sees economic shambles, still optimistic
Shut up, ASSPRESS!
FURTHER INTRANSIGENCE FROM NRO:
The Rand Brand [John J. Miller]
The Age of Obama and the rotten economy have been good for the Rand estate: Sales of Atlas Shrugged are surging. (Hat tip: Kyle Smith.)
02/27 08:18 PM
Meaning more WIZARDS OF OZ, meaning more BUBBLES, meaning more DEPR -- ECONOMIES.
The Rand Brand [John J. Miller]
The Age of Obama and the rotten economy have been good for the Rand estate: Sales of Atlas Shrugged are surging. (Hat tip: Kyle Smith.)
02/27 08:18 PM
Meaning more WIZARDS OF OZ, meaning more BUBBLES, meaning more DEPR -- ECONOMIES.
The Obama Team's Drink of Choice? Coke, Not Pepsi
Make that TWO HUNDRED ROCKY MOUNTAIN NEWSES.
P. S. As of 2007 there were 1,422 total newspapers. Given reporting like this a couple of hundred missing ones (and one already AWOL NEWSRAG) wouldn't matter.
Make that TWO HUNDRED ROCKY MOUNTAIN NEWSES.
P. S. As of 2007 there were 1,422 total newspapers. Given reporting like this a couple of hundred missing ones (and one already AWOL NEWSRAG) wouldn't matter.
Porn in the USA: Conservatives Are Biggest Consumers
A press release like this shows us that an occasional bankruptcy in the news biz is a good thing. Such stories serve only two purposes: to make fun of conservatives or to be in with the in-crowd. And really hacks in their straitened circumstances shouldn't be risking what little they have of their reps. If it takes a hundred ROCKY MOUNTAIN NEWSES to clear such scourges from the system, and restore legitimate reporting to their place -- so be it.
And despite THE BEATLES!!!!! and DICKIE V ESPNCORP is only $6.78 from SINGLE-DIGIT TERRITORY.
A press release like this shows us that an occasional bankruptcy in the news biz is a good thing. Such stories serve only two purposes: to make fun of conservatives or to be in with the in-crowd. And really hacks in their straitened circumstances shouldn't be risking what little they have of their reps. If it takes a hundred ROCKY MOUNTAIN NEWSES to clear such scourges from the system, and restore legitimate reporting to their place -- so be it.
And despite THE BEATLES!!!!! and DICKIE V ESPNCORP is only $6.78 from SINGLE-DIGIT TERRITORY.
Friday, February 27, 2009
In our latest episode of THAT UNANONYMOUS ALCOHOLIC and his BESOTTED WORD CLOUDS:
I second the motion! Let the bankrupt TRUMP take over!
And at NINE CENTS (down almost THIRTY-SIX PERCENT TODAY) he can even afford the NYSE-EXPUNGED CITADEL!
The company expects to begin trading on the over-the-counter (OTC) market on March 6 under a new symbol.
How about HICCQ!
I second the motion! Let the bankrupt TRUMP take over!
And at NINE CENTS (down almost THIRTY-SIX PERCENT TODAY) he can even afford the NYSE-EXPUNGED CITADEL!
The company expects to begin trading on the over-the-counter (OTC) market on March 6 under a new symbol.
How about HICCQ!
TNR comes up with a stupendous suggestion of Illinois's soon-to-be-vacated Senate seat: the Missus. You pining for Mike Kinsley a bit too much?
Maybe GOLDILOCKS KUDLOW should campaign for THAT. Pffffffffffffffffffft!
Maybe GOLDILOCKS KUDLOW should campaign for THAT. Pffffffffffffffffffft!
The Paper of Re-CORD's Boston edition site points us to two crimes that can at best be called the height of stoopid: A court clerk had sex with a prosty and a promise of getting her off the hook and a school's "assistant director of information technology" (ta-DA!!!!!) installed "a hidden video camera in a women's bathroom". What went through these bozos' non-existent brains when they plotted these brilliant capers? Duh, I want sex?
Great: Remember that awful train collision in LA? Not only was the engineer of the commuter train text messaging, the conductor of the Union Pacific freight allegedly did a "controlled substance." One may wonder after this whether mandatory drug testing captures only the innocent.
The good news: The One's new FTC boss doesn't shrink from regulation.
The bad news: He worked for DR. EVIL.
The bad news: He worked for DR. EVIL.
Well, when a PATsy says what a great guy CHAS is....
Do the loony right and the loony left shake hands at their ends?
Here's another stopped clock, despite the DUHB and PILLHEAD. I've removed it from its one-day place in my bookmarks.
Do the loony right and the loony left shake hands at their ends?
Here's another stopped clock, despite the DUHB and PILLHEAD. I've removed it from its one-day place in my bookmarks.
We will, for now, give The One the benefit of the doubt regarding "conscience regulations", but why do we think his stances on social issues will always be dictated by the looniest leftists in the lower rungs?
The One's going to Durban II! No he's NOT going to Durban II! The One's upping defense spending! No, he's cutting it!
Which One is it?
Which One is it?
ENTERPRISING LISTICLE REPORTING FROM THE BIZ ON GE:
One share would buy you little over half of a General Electric (GE) brand PC Stereo Headset (at Target for $15.49).
Which is not made by GE.
One share would buy you little over half of a General Electric (GE) brand PC Stereo Headset (at Target for $15.49).
Which is not made by GE.
"Scripps is in the best financial shape of any newspaper company in America, save the Washington Post Co."
With a share price of $1.10 and a market cap of $59.2 MILLION.
Dave also forgets: Kaplan, Inc. is AN EHDYUKAYSHUN COMPANY FIRST.
What do sports columnists know?
(Via the usual Romy)
With a share price of $1.10 and a market cap of $59.2 MILLION.
Dave also forgets: Kaplan, Inc. is AN EHDYUKAYSHUN COMPANY FIRST.
What do sports columnists know?
(Via the usual Romy)
GEKKO KUDLOW tells a well-placed source who tells JENNI-FER HE'S RUNNING FOR THE SENATE IN CONNECTICUT!
A chicken in every pot and $500 MILLION FOR EVERY CEO!
"Oh, God!" should run against him. TWO demagogic imbeciles.
P. S. "Message to all you worrywarts out there: The U.S. economy remains strong! There is no recession ahead!! GOLDILOCKS RULES!!!!!!!!!!" End of campaign.
A chicken in every pot and $500 MILLION FOR EVERY CEO!
"Oh, God!" should run against him. TWO demagogic imbeciles.
P. S. "Message to all you worrywarts out there: The U.S. economy remains strong! There is no recession ahead!! GOLDILOCKS RULES!!!!!!!!!!" End of campaign.
Oddball circumstances led to the newspaper situation in Denver, which doesn't make it any more palatable. The fact remains, through their Web sites newspapers now exist on a national scale. This offers promise, regardless of the financial side. A great newspaper can't exist solely on the Web but it can exist outside the usual media enclaves.
DUELING FIFTH-RATE CABLE NEWS CHANNELS: GE BANCORP'S MESS (aka "The Oh, God! Channel") calls The One THE MESSIAH, THE LORD, whatever. GE BANCORP'S BIG C calls him A MENACE TO THE ECONOMY.
Very Very Very Littler Jeffrey's having it both ways as he slowly leaves the executive suite.
(Link via JENNI-FER, who sees nothing wrong with a KEITH O!!!!!!!!!! so long as he's RIGHT-WING)
Very Very Very Littler Jeffrey's having it both ways as he slowly leaves the executive suite.
(Link via JENNI-FER, who sees nothing wrong with a KEITH O!!!!!!!!!! so long as he's RIGHT-WING)
It's official: Citi's virtually nationalized.
Gee thanks for all that brilliant banking!
The bank's chairman, Richard Parsons, said Friday the troubled financial services giant plans to reconstitute its board through a majority of new independent directors "as soon as feasible."
TRANSLATION: We're rearranging the rubble.
Gee thanks for all that brilliant banking!
The bank's chairman, Richard Parsons, said Friday the troubled financial services giant plans to reconstitute its board through a majority of new independent directors "as soon as feasible."
TRANSLATION: We're rearranging the rubble.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
The One is set to try an alleged terrorist in the CRI-MI-NAL JUS-TICE SYS-TEM.
And if he's acquitted and commits terrorism? Well, look at this way: OJ was caught the second time.
And if he's acquitted and commits terrorism? Well, look at this way: OJ was caught the second time.
There's been a big stink in Con-SER-va-tive Land over this Charles Freeman, with lockstep knee-jerk liberals joining in the mix. That Democrats are turning increasingly gung-ho against Israel does not comfort us, nor does the man's background (and toadying), but this writer has a point. Intelligence needs brutal honesty, something it hasn't exactly had in bushels of late. To be sure the Beltway has its own odd definition of brutal honesty, and so may The One, but let's give the man a little time to become an embarrassment -- and maybe he won't.
Cablevision's dimwits, having paid vastly too much for Newsday, now want to turn it into a private social club.
Our prediction: A few prominent sites go pay -- and then when their audiences fall off a cliff they slinkingly go free again. Yes, we understand why they would do this, but one thing that got them in this mess was paying too much for properties -- or stock buybacks.
(Via the usual Romy)
Our prediction: A few prominent sites go pay -- and then when their audiences fall off a cliff they slinkingly go free again. Yes, we understand why they would do this, but one thing that got them in this mess was paying too much for properties -- or stock buybacks.
(Via the usual Romy)
In a clever bit of budget making, Obama is taking advantage of George W. Bush's dishonesty to make his own budget look better.
TRANSLATION: The One is...no, we dare NOT say that about the one -- can we?
FURTHER TRANSLATION: The One isn't dishonest; DUBYA is. Only Dubya isn't president anymore.
TRANSLATION: The One is...no, we dare NOT say that about the one -- can we?
FURTHER TRANSLATION: The One isn't dishonest; DUBYA is. Only Dubya isn't president anymore.
Top 5 best conservative movie moments.
I won't look because if I know WALTER WINCHELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JR. and the likes of Jo-NAH three of the five involve lopping someone's head off and the fourth involves somebody being shot fifty times in slow motion. NO THANK YOU, SLIMESTERS.
I won't look because if I know WALTER WINCHELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JR. and the likes of Jo-NAH three of the five involve lopping someone's head off and the fourth involves somebody being shot fifty times in slow motion. NO THANK YOU, SLIMESTERS.
I presume these WorldNetDaily-Exclusive! tea parties will be PILLHEAD fests, giving off enough hot air to heat millions of gallons of tea, but any president who would change the world may ignore his people at his peril.
(Via Seeking Alpha)
(Via Seeking Alpha)
Pelosi: I would have raised taxes faster
Well, it appears she didn't quite say that; but Speaker Babs would raise taxes until the turnips her national constituents bled, and she is deaf, dumb, blind and politician enough to know how to not distinguish between a tax increase and ending an unnecessary tax cut.
Of course if he were majority leader, the Senator from Kentucky would have cut taxes until we had the second coming of Herbert Clark Hoover.
Well, it appears she didn't quite say that; but Speaker Babs would raise taxes until the turnips her national constituents bled, and she is deaf, dumb, blind and politician enough to know how to not distinguish between a tax increase and ending an unnecessary tax cut.
Of course if he were majority leader, the Senator from Kentucky would have cut taxes until we had the second coming of Herbert Clark Hoover.
The dreadful folding of the Rocky Mountain News shows the absolute pickle such outfits are in: Too small to compete nationally, too bland (perhaps) to compete locally. Being an award winner as it was isn't enough as people see awards as back-slapping. Only a paper with true character could survive in a middle market, and today's papers don't have character enough. (We don't count Frisco's Chronicle which has character of the wrong kind). As for the notion fees would have saved such enterprises, we say somebody would have been first and biggest with free news. End of experiment.
Bad as this is we note America has survived the folding of many papers, including some which it would profit us to read. But ever since electricity newspaper owners have tilted at windmills, and the Web is but their latest; more to the point, we should never forget the obscene profits they made from local TV, whose video police blotters brought such disgrace to the news and made the print business that much less tenable, and credible. We expect more carnage; we hope it is limited; and we hope the survivors will realize they can't make money by getting along and going along, whatever the handicaps of this -- economy, or free news, or CRAIGSLIST.
Bad as this is we note America has survived the folding of many papers, including some which it would profit us to read. But ever since electricity newspaper owners have tilted at windmills, and the Web is but their latest; more to the point, we should never forget the obscene profits they made from local TV, whose video police blotters brought such disgrace to the news and made the print business that much less tenable, and credible. We expect more carnage; we hope it is limited; and we hope the survivors will realize they can't make money by getting along and going along, whatever the handicaps of this -- economy, or free news, or CRAIGSLIST.
Gwyneth's GROSS! Web site is attracting unwanted attention.
Combine dubious health and beauty tips, celebrity and a dose of "omniscience" and of course the result is a FARCE.
Combine dubious health and beauty tips, celebrity and a dose of "omniscience" and of course the result is a FARCE.
That PC clod at PepsiCo who turned her flagship brand's logo into a whatisit has DITCHED her redesign of the Tropicana brand. We can guess why -- it was confusing, it didn't stand out from the other brands -- and it was flat out BAD.
...an absurdly incredible story lashed to a strangely banal climax....
Lenny, former master of the Beltway universe, has written a "novel"!
Lenny, former master of the Beltway universe, has written a "novel"!
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
RUMBLE RUMBLE RUMBLE, MUTINY MUTINY MUTINY -- you mean con-SER-va-tives (even of the Pat kind -- or maybe especially) are getting fed up with those AUTOMATIC RIGHT-WING WIND MACHINES?
(Well yes, it is the DUHB, and he is a little, shall we say, off-center? Better that, we suppose, than being complete out of kilter.)
(Well yes, it is the DUHB, and he is a little, shall we say, off-center? Better that, we suppose, than being complete out of kilter.)
THE NEXT RONALD REAGAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SHUT UP, PILLHEAD.
(Via Ross Douthat. By the way, why did somebody hack theatlantic.com?)
Even the CW types at Grate.com have their doubts:
As if to complete yet another State of the Union tradition, Obama spent a great deal of time on the laundry list of programs he was proposing. He increased the number of troops, hinted at the need for more bailout money, promised universal education through college and universal health care. At one point, he even promised to cure cancer.
This causes at least two problems. It sounds too good to be true (and it is), and the groaning basket of policy dreams creates dissonance with all of Obama's recent talk about fiscal stability. The polls show Americans list the deficit as their top concern. This won't settle their fears.
Which didn't stop the bozos who gave us the deceptive MEIN NUTS!!!!! from going,
Or rather, "IT WORKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" (Kinsleyesque with-a-wink-and-a-leer overemphasis added)
And elsewhere in Kaplan, Inc.:
We will soon find out how President Obama proposes to do all of this without making theoretical national bankruptcy a reality.
Yes, I guess we will -- and we'll have you hacks to thank, in no small part.
As if to complete yet another State of the Union tradition, Obama spent a great deal of time on the laundry list of programs he was proposing. He increased the number of troops, hinted at the need for more bailout money, promised universal education through college and universal health care. At one point, he even promised to cure cancer.
This causes at least two problems. It sounds too good to be true (and it is), and the groaning basket of policy dreams creates dissonance with all of Obama's recent talk about fiscal stability. The polls show Americans list the deficit as their top concern. This won't settle their fears.
Which didn't stop the bozos who gave us the deceptive MEIN NUTS!!!!! from going,
Or rather, "IT WORKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" (Kinsleyesque with-a-wink-and-a-leer overemphasis added)
And elsewhere in Kaplan, Inc.:
We will soon find out how President Obama proposes to do all of this without making theoretical national bankruptcy a reality.
Yes, I guess we will -- and we'll have you hacks to thank, in no small part.
"Humor" as defined by MOVEE S&M PHREAKS:
Madea's brother, Uncle Joe, also played by Perry, is a crusty old coot who breathes with the aid of an oxygen tank while smoking marijuana throughout the movie (he even wears a bong around his neck). Madea, ever the boss woman, scolds him mercilessly about the dangers of mixing fire and oxygen. And -- here's where the audience howls -- as Madea waddles past, her behind wide as a doorway, Uncle Joe cracks: "King Kong ain't got nothing on her."
Pardon me while I do not collapse on the floor in hysterics.
Madea's brother, Uncle Joe, also played by Perry, is a crusty old coot who breathes with the aid of an oxygen tank while smoking marijuana throughout the movie (he even wears a bong around his neck). Madea, ever the boss woman, scolds him mercilessly about the dangers of mixing fire and oxygen. And -- here's where the audience howls -- as Madea waddles past, her behind wide as a doorway, Uncle Joe cracks: "King Kong ain't got nothing on her."
Pardon me while I do not collapse on the floor in hysterics.
Vandals cut down nearly two dozen trees that blocked view of billboards
CHEAP CHANNEL! BUY WORLD WIDE RUSH!
CHEAP CHANNEL! BUY WORLD WIDE RUSH!
TRANSLATION: SUMNER's turning His cable channels into an ad agency, meaning His extrusions will be even worse.
And how will this lure back audiences, O LORD GOD SUMNER?
And how will this lure back audiences, O LORD GOD SUMNER?
Iran's reformers put hope in 'New Khatami'
That's putting your hope in a coin. Which Khatami is heads and which is tails?
That's putting your hope in a coin. Which Khatami is heads and which is tails?
We missed this good news yesterday from SUPERNIKKI!!!!!:
Some Good Hollywood News: Marvel Made Ton Of Money In 2008
That's good news?!?
Some Good Hollywood News: Marvel Made Ton Of Money In 2008
That's good news?!?
Yankee Alex Rodriguez booed loudly at first spring training at-bat
Another supremely profitable year for SELIGISM!
P. S. at 2:32 p. m.
2:00 p.m.: And Alex Rodriguez just went deep. He launched a 2-and-2 pitch off Ricky Romero to left center field, a two-run shot to give the Yankees a 3-1 lead in the fourth after Robinson Cano got on to start the inning when he was hit in the bill of his batting helmet. He was cheered as he rounded the bases.
Fan outrage can be mighty fickle.
Why Dick Parsons? Why Now?
Maybe somebody felt sorry for that man with the tin cup out on the street.
Pffffffffffffffffft!
As for the Citi position, Frederick says Parsons might have been the only high-profile exec who wanted it.
Or maybe he felt sorry for them.
Pffffffffffffffffft!
Maybe somebody felt sorry for that man with the tin cup out on the street.
Pffffffffffffffffft!
As for the Citi position, Frederick says Parsons might have been the only high-profile exec who wanted it.
Or maybe he felt sorry for them.
Pffffffffffffffffft!
Schwarzenegger to play himself in Stallone film
As what, an incompetent governor?
Or maybe one of his odder tattoos?
(A respectable 77% thumbs-down from the Cheat Sheet, from whence this came)
As what, an incompetent governor?
Or maybe one of his odder tattoos?
(A respectable 77% thumbs-down from the Cheat Sheet, from whence this came)
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
"While our economy may be weakened and our confidence shaken, though we are living through difficult and uncertain times, tonight I want every American to know this: We will rebuild, we will recover."
All right -- it's afternoon in America.
All right -- it's afternoon in America.
How the Tobacco Business Got It Right From the Start
First it put nicotine in the product, then....
Jonathan Salem [SIC!!!!!] Baskin is the author of "Branding Only Works on Cattle" and blogs at Dim Bulb.
NO COMMENT.
First it put nicotine in the product, then....
Jonathan Salem [SIC!!!!!] Baskin is the author of "Branding Only Works on Cattle" and blogs at Dim Bulb.
NO COMMENT.
TRANSLATION: Somebody thought he'd invented a Wall Street version of a perpetual motion machine. Just one problem: No one's invented a perpetual motion machine yet.
(Via Seeking Alpha)
(Via Seeking Alpha)
Barney, we have an idea: Say cutting the defense budget is "patriotic." It's patriotic because we need to cut our budget deficit at a time of crisis, thus saving the money so we can patriotically spend it in a time of crisis on health care and education and jobs and people losing their homes and...oh, never mind.
And in our last Os-CAR® mention until September, we would note ShowBizData pointed out yesterday that its ratings wore off as the evening wore on; not even THE JOKER'S ASCENT TO HEAVEN could stop it. We still submit the vast bulk of Americans have either lost interest in movees or actively dislike them, and all the admirers of ugly dresses can't make up the loss.
And in other tiresome comic-book...GRAPHIC-NOVEL talk, THIS is what SLIME and the TWXSTERS fought over:
[I]t was supposed to be all so different. We were promised darkness. We were promised maturity.
But what we’ve got, is 163 minutes of tin-ear dialogue and absurd violence, capped with one of the most trouser-wiltingly laughable sex scenes since Nomi Malone went outboard motor in the Showgirls swimming pool.
We will not attempt a comment on that "maturity" gag (nor on the "darkness" gag, the movee biz these days being the blind leading the retarded), but we will say this: It sounds as if the comic-book geeks got exactly what they wanted -- and definitely what they deserved.
Now if only someone would make a movie pitting the SUPERVILLAIN SLIME against the SUPERVILLAIN MR. BEW-KES -- in a battle BOTH would lose.
P. S. NWSA and TWX closed for a grand total of $14.00 today -- far less than what either stock would have sold for ALONE a year ago. Good!
(A demerit for the fact that Robbie shows SLIMEDOM can take it, but even SLIME's craven hacks can sometimes tell the truth -- like the proverbial stopped clock.)
[I]t was supposed to be all so different. We were promised darkness. We were promised maturity.
But what we’ve got, is 163 minutes of tin-ear dialogue and absurd violence, capped with one of the most trouser-wiltingly laughable sex scenes since Nomi Malone went outboard motor in the Showgirls swimming pool.
We will not attempt a comment on that "maturity" gag (nor on the "darkness" gag, the movee biz these days being the blind leading the retarded), but we will say this: It sounds as if the comic-book geeks got exactly what they wanted -- and definitely what they deserved.
Now if only someone would make a movie pitting the SUPERVILLAIN SLIME against the SUPERVILLAIN MR. BEW-KES -- in a battle BOTH would lose.
P. S. NWSA and TWX closed for a grand total of $14.00 today -- far less than what either stock would have sold for ALONE a year ago. Good!
(A demerit for the fact that Robbie shows SLIMEDOM can take it, but even SLIME's craven hacks can sometimes tell the truth -- like the proverbial stopped clock.)
Mark your calendars: the Spider-Man® theme park opens next February 18 in Branson East!
I wonder: Will the owners issue half-price tickets for the "previews"? Six Flags would do it.
By the way, the full title is Spider-Man®: Turn Off the Dark. Clever Branson East tourist-guide writers might rework it as Spider-Man®: Turn Off the Lights.
(Via ASSPress)
I wonder: Will the owners issue half-price tickets for the "previews"? Six Flags would do it.
By the way, the full title is Spider-Man®: Turn Off the Dark. Clever Branson East tourist-guide writers might rework it as Spider-Man®: Turn Off the Lights.
(Via ASSPress)
OOOOOH, I don't think con-SER-va-tives will like this: Ford Motor may have to give a board seat to the UAW!
It's worth a try, though; it might give the unions more incentive to put up or shut up.
It's worth a try, though; it might give the unions more incentive to put up or shut up.
It was only 13 years ago that Bill Clinton declared before a joint session of Congress that “the era of big government is over.” President Obama’s challenge on Tuesday night is to declare that, out of ugly necessity, big government is back — and then to make a persuasive case, with a specificity he has avoided until now, that if done right, this era will not last for long.
Co-President Babs says good luck!
The same New York Times/CBS News poll that found that Mr. Obama instills a remarkable sense of confidence — 76 percent of Americans say they think he will make the right economic decisions — also found that Americans dislike many of the choices he has made thus far.
Fifty-nine percent said that the bank bailout would help bankers far more than it would help the country. More than two-thirds had no stomach for bailing out G.M. and Chrysler, even if the alternative is liquidating the companies.
Though we detest public opinion polls as the hacks have fashioned them into blunt instruments to beat us silly we wonder if, in carefully controlled doses, they might still be useful. Then again we wonder if they contain so many quirks and paradoxes as to be useless except as blunt instruments.
Co-President Babs says good luck!
The same New York Times/CBS News poll that found that Mr. Obama instills a remarkable sense of confidence — 76 percent of Americans say they think he will make the right economic decisions — also found that Americans dislike many of the choices he has made thus far.
Fifty-nine percent said that the bank bailout would help bankers far more than it would help the country. More than two-thirds had no stomach for bailing out G.M. and Chrysler, even if the alternative is liquidating the companies.
Though we detest public opinion polls as the hacks have fashioned them into blunt instruments to beat us silly we wonder if, in carefully controlled doses, they might still be useful. Then again we wonder if they contain so many quirks and paradoxes as to be useless except as blunt instruments.
Monday, February 23, 2009
The STEVE TAX will not work with netbooks. Low-cost makers dominate the field with snazzy technology like solid-state hard drives (which reputedly are no faster than the spinning magnetic kind and may wear out faster). The alleged superiority of His software may be irrelevant too. Stevedom had a gimmick with the iPod and the iPhone. Excepting touch pads (which will never be made smudge-proof) you do not add a gimmick to an already useful device.
Brian Tierney should not have worked for two Philadelphia papers. He should have worked for John Thain.
Here's guessing he still feels underpaid.
(Via the usual Romy)
Here's guessing he still feels underpaid.
(Via the usual Romy)
As expected, Pete came to realize that, like SUMNER, SLIME intends to live forever.
Just how forever is not clear as His stock hit a sixteen-year low, despite the lucky bounce.
Just how forever is not clear as His stock hit a sixteen-year low, despite the lucky bounce.
Our favorite PR guy Rog, back from a phantasmagorical revival meeting at the Kodak Theater, and the happy hours attendant thereto:
And here’s something else: on Sunday, in the late afternoon, Snark died. The website defamer.com, which prided itself on miserable comments about Hollywood, went out of business. It was merged into its mothership, Gawker.com, a site that that has long presented itself as the web version of the long defunct Spy magazine.
One of my favorite writers, David Denby, of the New Yorker, recently wrote a whole book on the subject of Snark. What’s interesting is that snarkiness is not going to go over in the era of Obama, or in this economy. That’s why Defamer is gone. I predict that other Hollywood-bashing sites – all of which pounced incorrectly all over the Academy Awards how last night because they weren’t invited—will be gone soon. The absolute worst is one run by former New York Times writer Sharon Waxman. As usual, Waxman just doesn’t get it. Go ahead, bite the hand that feeds you, Sharon. Soon you’ll be out of another job.
Perfect timing! (Via Portfolio.com)
P. S. at 6:53 p. m. Out six weeks and two stars on Amazon.com, with 33 one-star reviews out of 61. OooooOOOOOoooooh, thahyt smarts!
And here’s something else: on Sunday, in the late afternoon, Snark died. The website defamer.com, which prided itself on miserable comments about Hollywood, went out of business. It was merged into its mothership, Gawker.com, a site that that has long presented itself as the web version of the long defunct Spy magazine.
One of my favorite writers, David Denby, of the New Yorker, recently wrote a whole book on the subject of Snark. What’s interesting is that snarkiness is not going to go over in the era of Obama, or in this economy. That’s why Defamer is gone. I predict that other Hollywood-bashing sites – all of which pounced incorrectly all over the Academy Awards how last night because they weren’t invited—will be gone soon. The absolute worst is one run by former New York Times writer Sharon Waxman. As usual, Waxman just doesn’t get it. Go ahead, bite the hand that feeds you, Sharon. Soon you’ll be out of another job.
Perfect timing! (Via Portfolio.com)
P. S. at 6:53 p. m. Out six weeks and two stars on Amazon.com, with 33 one-star reviews out of 61. OooooOOOOOoooooh, thahyt smarts!
Four years ago, while Chief Justice Rehnquist was dying of cancer, we suggested the Nine Fingers be elected -- with term limits. Now a group of legal thinkers has endorsed the term limits. It sounds agreeable to us (if somewhat convoluted) but as the Fingers are so susceptible to political winds we still say let's get the "objectivity" business out of their deliberations and admit what they do is political, that other judges are popularly elected, and that the people deserve to choose the Nine Fingers.
Shucks, we were hoping they'd be down. Fortunately it now appears the audience problem won't go away. Let's throw some more stupid ideas at the Os-CARS®, Mogul's Friend!
THE SOUND OF EYES ROLLING:
In regard to transparency, Mike Mitchell, a Kraft rep, said that the company’s new logo is a manifestation of a bottom-up change at the company. The visual treatment, he said, is designed to convey Kraft’s new mantra: “Make today delicious.” It symbolically represents various Kraft products. The triangle shape “is invocative of pizza,” he said.
How about mac 'n' cheese?
Cal McAllister, co-founder of Wexly School for Girls, a design firm that has worked with Microsoft, Nike and others, said the new logos are a reflection of a desire to at least appear more approachable and transparent. “Everyone is working off the same brief,” he said. “They say, ‘Give me something natural, like a sun or a flower,’ or ‘Make it soft and make it seem friendly. It’s the opposite of IBM’s logo, which is ‘Trust us.’”
Since such sentiment is based on consumer research, McAllister speculated that the gloomy times may be prompting consumers to gravitate to such imagery.
“Because we’re in a tough time and people are getting laid off, I think there’s a subconscious desire to take you back to when you weren’t worried about things like that, which is why we’re seeing these almost hand-drawn logos,” McAllister said. “And when you see a logo that’s boxy and the edges are hard and sharp, and the company just laid off 10,000 people, you get mad at them. But if it’s a watercolory rounded logo, you feel kind of sorry for them.”
I? feel sorry for CORPORATE AMERICA?!?
Nevertheless, Steve Lamoureux, chief innovation officer of design testing firm Affinnova [don't you love all these cute names?], said that companies like Kraft may be falling victim to a fad: “There’s a risk associated with changing your ID to be on-trend because trends come and go.”
Why not monthly logos?
Those who believe the government needs to pay our top civil servants more will please explain the Postal Service.
And the clatterclatterclatter isn't confined to the Journals. Michelle of TNR confides to us that The One is "self-conscious" and "kind of a dork." This being TNR we don't now whether the joint's deking us out with its traditional Kinsleyism; but while we're not sure we'd use a word like "dork" we might ask why it took so long for one of America's leading opinion rags to see flaws in a saint.
As we've mentioned before we imagine one of the hacks' favorite songs is "The Typewriter", as they can type idly away to the obsolete clattering of a keyboard and think they're saying something. Well, one doesn't have to be a hack to use a typewriter, and this perfesser did a whole lot of typing thinking our current...economy might produce an effusion of artistic genius. If someone can identify a new F. Scott Fitzgerald, Sherwood Anderson, James Agee, Edmund Wilson, etc., etc., etc., I will happily agree. Certainly with logrolling as strong as it is in book revueing the temptation is unavoidable. Unfortunately, unless you're a book revuer or movie ad-blurbist the chances of a reincarnation of twenties genius in our age are about as strong as the second coming of Jimmy Cagney.
(Via the usual AhtsJournal)
Sunday, February 22, 2009
DAMMIT! Too late for a bailout: STINKYINKY PUBLISHING CO.'S FILED FOR BANKRUPTCY!
Another pointless acquisition.
(Via Cheapie Marketwatch)
Another pointless acquisition.
(Via Cheapie Marketwatch)
Being unable to sleep I'm following God's Gift to Man on three separate live blogs. Here's one from VanityFair.com:
John Lopez: Wow, Slumdog's really rubbing it in The Dark Knight's face with this sound mixing award.
And here's one from the inimitable Freep:
Go back to watching your favorite homosexuals parade their anti-American values.
Oiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii....
OR:
Jim Windolf: Wow, Eddie Murphy presenting an award to the future version of himself [Jerry Lewis].
OoooooooooOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooh!
And on A. V. Club:
Josh Modell: ...Didn't Eddie read the EW article in which Jerry said he wishes he hadn't let Eddie re-do The Nutty Professor?
Double oooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooh!
John Lopez: Wow, Slumdog's really rubbing it in The Dark Knight's face with this sound mixing award.
And here's one from the inimitable Freep:
Go back to watching your favorite homosexuals parade their anti-American values.
Oiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii....
OR:
Jim Windolf: Wow, Eddie Murphy presenting an award to the future version of himself [Jerry Lewis].
OoooooooooOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooh!
And on A. V. Club:
Josh Modell: ...Didn't Eddie read the EW article in which Jerry said he wishes he hadn't let Eddie re-do The Nutty Professor?
Double oooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooh!
When movies were worse than today's: These last few days I've been utterly fixated on Lionel Newman's recording of Korngold's Kings Row theme, from the 1961 Warner LP that brought his film music back from the dead. You've probably heard it: John Williams wrote it for Star Wars. (He called it a homage, which is merely pretentious; but plagiarism is too strong, so let's call it for what it is: photocopying.) It is disappointing to learn the mighty Warner orchestra did not record it or the rest of the album despite its appearance on the company label; it was done by a second-string orchestra in Munich but they do a very good job imitating it. And if the theme seems out of place given the subject matter (I've never seen the film) it would take ears of stone to deny its majesty. One would call it awesome had DICKIE V and stupid teens not relegated the word to ridicule. Well, there's a better way of putting it: "There are the greats -- and then there is Korngold."
It is annoying, though, to learn that ten years ago the TWXSTERS dedicated the Burbank sound stage where Korngold and Steiner and Waxman and the others recorded to THE GREATEST ACTOR-TURNED-DIRECTOR EVER, whose forays in music include an AHTHOUSE bio of BIRD, and singing flat in Paint Your Wagon.
Luxury Manhattan Real Estate Could Fall Another 50% - Barron's
Let's see -- Bernie was half of that, and....
...a glut of condo conversions.
Oh, really?
True that once-in-a-lifetime deals like Brooke Astor’s $46 million penthouse can now be had for $29 million, but how much less will that be in 2009? Buyer beware.
Could I snatch that up for 200K?
Let's see -- Bernie was half of that, and....
...a glut of condo conversions.
Oh, really?
True that once-in-a-lifetime deals like Brooke Astor’s $46 million penthouse can now be had for $29 million, but how much less will that be in 2009? Buyer beware.
Could I snatch that up for 200K?
Are all those overeager well-intentioned young Turks at the bottom rungs preparing a big embarrassment for The One in Durban?
(Via Marty, who also reminds us that Phil Gramm stinks, as if we didn't already smell it)
(Via Marty, who also reminds us that Phil Gramm stinks, as if we didn't already smell it)
In the Baltimorean world of NO SNITCHIN'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:
"Studies have shown that these crime-scene dramas, such as CSI, have done damage to courts across the country," said Maj. Terrence McLarney, who commands the Police Department's homicide unit. "The expectations are unreasonable - just way out there - and some of the science is not even true. ... And the ability to recover fingerprints is way overblown."
Give yourself a beauty treatment -- SUMNER.
"Studies have shown that these crime-scene dramas, such as CSI, have done damage to courts across the country," said Maj. Terrence McLarney, who commands the Police Department's homicide unit. "The expectations are unreasonable - just way out there - and some of the science is not even true. ... And the ability to recover fingerprints is way overblown."
Give yourself a beauty treatment -- SUMNER.
If it's Sunday it must be BIG DOUBLE-A-SCRIBBLE TIME:
1. The Ranceoids remind themselves who reads their rag by shouting, "TV COMMERCIALS WORK BETTER THAN EVER!!!!!!!!!!"
BUT:
Despite the improved effectiveness since 1995, more than half the advertisers (16 of 29) in the study still lost money by running their TV ads. "The ones that did make a profit, though, did very well," said Mr. Lodish, to the extent that on the whole, advertisers in the study made a profit from their TV ads after 1995, but lost money before 1995.
That's obviously a serious caveat to the value of spending on TV. The other caveat is one that other marketing-mix analysts also report from client work that creative quality makes a big difference, in many cases explaining more about success and failure than media choices.
Mr. Lodish said he still doesn't really know how TV advertising effectiveness could have increased since 1995. Mr. Brooks can't really explain it either, though he has a theory that the highly analytical clients using marketing-mix modeling or matched-market tests may compensate for the impact of DVRs, fragmentation and clutter by making smarter bets.
TRANSLATION: We still don't know, no one knows, but the best part is we have a tenuous excuse for wasting our clients' and our CUSTOMERS' money annoying people into buying our goods.
2. And how well does annoying your customers work when most of them are switching to PRIVATE-LABEL?
1. The Ranceoids remind themselves who reads their rag by shouting, "TV COMMERCIALS WORK BETTER THAN EVER!!!!!!!!!!"
BUT:
Despite the improved effectiveness since 1995, more than half the advertisers (16 of 29) in the study still lost money by running their TV ads. "The ones that did make a profit, though, did very well," said Mr. Lodish, to the extent that on the whole, advertisers in the study made a profit from their TV ads after 1995, but lost money before 1995.
That's obviously a serious caveat to the value of spending on TV. The other caveat is one that other marketing-mix analysts also report from client work that creative quality makes a big difference, in many cases explaining more about success and failure than media choices.
Mr. Lodish said he still doesn't really know how TV advertising effectiveness could have increased since 1995. Mr. Brooks can't really explain it either, though he has a theory that the highly analytical clients using marketing-mix modeling or matched-market tests may compensate for the impact of DVRs, fragmentation and clutter by making smarter bets.
TRANSLATION: We still don't know, no one knows, but the best part is we have a tenuous excuse for wasting our clients' and our CUSTOMERS' money annoying people into buying our goods.
2. And how well does annoying your customers work when most of them are switching to PRIVATE-LABEL?
I pledged to hold my peace on the Os-CARS® but Dick "GUNS CAUSED COLUMBINE!!!!!!" Corliss came up with an idea: Make the votes public.
Methinks Dick thinks if you-know-who had been in it might have helped our SYNERGY.
And bringing up former SYNERGISTS, when MR. MELLERDRAMMER writes, “I see the Oscars as a long, boring, idiotic joke. The awards are about politics and prejudices and have next to nothing to do with the quality of film-making. I’m braced for another less-than-stellar gay movie to win”, in the back of his head he wouldn't mind it winning, for an idiotic joke of a reason. Better to be honest about it than cute, but if MR. MELLERDRAMMER weren't cute he wouldn't be MR. MELLERDRAMMER.
I believe we've seen more Os-CAR® jackassery from news hacks this last week than ever.
P. S. And yes, even The Econowiz had to weigh in:
What viewers will see on Sunday night is an industry talking to itself.
Think of a rag all the CEOs pay all that money for not reading so they can show it off on their desks coming up with THAT!
Of course the 'Wiz could have gone one step further -- it could have mentioned all the Os-CAR® debaters engaging in verbal onanism.
More onanism at six minutes before HIS-TORY: Os-CAR® Central™ goes into the whole female-uglification-for-an-award gag, and more than one commenter calls the piece sexist. (One or two commenters also call it SYNERGY.) We say it is not sexist to bemoan the lack of memorable faces in the biz, because it cuts both ways. Who is Gary Cooper? (And no, it's not that twerp D'Antonio, or whatever his name is.)
Neither is it sexist to note that we highly doubt MM, Liz, Sophia, Audrey, Barbara Stanwyck, Jennifer Jones, Irene Dunne, and the other goddesses had to uglify themselves to be artistically acceptable. (Although we would note Mary Pickford did uglify herself for Stella Maris in 1918, but that was well into her career, and she also played a woman who looked like Mary Pickford.)
Methinks Dick thinks if you-know-who had been in it might have helped our SYNERGY.
And bringing up former SYNERGISTS, when MR. MELLERDRAMMER writes, “I see the Oscars as a long, boring, idiotic joke. The awards are about politics and prejudices and have next to nothing to do with the quality of film-making. I’m braced for another less-than-stellar gay movie to win”, in the back of his head he wouldn't mind it winning, for an idiotic joke of a reason. Better to be honest about it than cute, but if MR. MELLERDRAMMER weren't cute he wouldn't be MR. MELLERDRAMMER.
I believe we've seen more Os-CAR® jackassery from news hacks this last week than ever.
P. S. And yes, even The Econowiz had to weigh in:
What viewers will see on Sunday night is an industry talking to itself.
Think of a rag all the CEOs pay all that money for not reading so they can show it off on their desks coming up with THAT!
Of course the 'Wiz could have gone one step further -- it could have mentioned all the Os-CAR® debaters engaging in verbal onanism.
More onanism at six minutes before HIS-TORY: Os-CAR® Central™ goes into the whole female-uglification-for-an-award gag, and more than one commenter calls the piece sexist. (One or two commenters also call it SYNERGY.) We say it is not sexist to bemoan the lack of memorable faces in the biz, because it cuts both ways. Who is Gary Cooper? (And no, it's not that twerp D'Antonio, or whatever his name is.)
Neither is it sexist to note that we highly doubt MM, Liz, Sophia, Audrey, Barbara Stanwyck, Jennifer Jones, Irene Dunne, and the other goddesses had to uglify themselves to be artistically acceptable. (Although we would note Mary Pickford did uglify herself for Stella Maris in 1918, but that was well into her career, and she also played a woman who looked like Mary Pickford.)
OR:
Please, Chinese, pretty please, remember, we're part of your surpluses. Please, pretty please, pretty pretty please, we want the money!
Please, Chinese, pretty please, remember, we're part of your surpluses. Please, pretty please, pretty pretty please, we want the money!
Finally (amazing -- as Kaplan, Inc.'s stock goes down our links to it go up!) somebody tells the potential Os-CAR® winners how to speak, which they should have learned before accepting their coveted awards, which pretty well says without a script they're without a clue.
Now to keep quiet about it, and concede the ratings will improve, if for no other reason the Os-CARS® have no other place to go.
Now to keep quiet about it, and concede the ratings will improve, if for no other reason the Os-CARS® have no other place to go.
Elsewhere The Daily Kaplan devises a new gag: it blames GITMO for turning a meek, mild Muslim into a SUICIDE BOMBER!!!!!
Well, maybe. Or maybe he was always angry and his anger found an excuse. Or maybe, since the holy cockroaches always yak about whom they call their "God", dear old "God" waited until he was out of Gitmo to tell him to do his deed. The Daily Kaplan is the sister rag of the NEW! IMPROVED!! ECONO - NEW YO - ATLAN - ZEITGEIST, which has told us for years why we're on the brink of catastrophe in IraqAfghaniPakistan, and told us so often we couldn't believe it, which is not why it's drastically shrinking its circ and becoming another magazine.
Well, maybe. Or maybe he was always angry and his anger found an excuse. Or maybe, since the holy cockroaches always yak about whom they call their "God", dear old "God" waited until he was out of Gitmo to tell him to do his deed. The Daily Kaplan is the sister rag of the NEW! IMPROVED!! ECONO - NEW YO - ATLAN - ZEITGEIST, which has told us for years why we're on the brink of catastrophe in IraqAfghaniPakistan, and told us so often we couldn't believe it, which is not why it's drastically shrinking its circ and becoming another magazine.
Now that his broadcasting biz is falling apart MB2 comes to the rescue -- to complain for the umpteenth time against CAMPAIGN FINANCE REFORM!!!!!
And when do YOU retire, MB2?