Posted 9:34 PM by Gene

THE CONSPIRACY WON'T make movies people want to see, but somehow it's managed in the last year to release not one but TWO movies about TRUMAN CAPOTE. The first wasn't even that successful in PAPER OF RE-CORD country, and needless to say this new fillum is BOMBING. But NOTHING will stop THE CONSPIRACY from proving how much better it is than a mere AUDIENCE.

Posted 4:48 PM by Gene

What is the point of Temple University having a 1-A football team? The alums will say it puts it in THE FIRST RANK OF UNIVERSITIES. We say the CLASS ACT John Cheney already put it there. Heck people must giggle at Rutgers making the AP poll. And that a SKOOL can burn millions on this ever-losing cause shows a slight skew in its priorities. How many other SKOOLS waste fortunes on equally impossible dreams? Hang up the 1-A CLEATS, Temple.

Posted 4:31 PM by Gene

The aim is to stop materials and technology that could be used for nuclear weapons production from going to or from North Korea.

They'll get by with a little help from THEIR FRIENDS.

Posted 2:14 PM by Gene

New York City’s bid to land the 2008 Democratic National Convention is in jeopardy because Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg is spread so thin with fund-raising commitments that he may not be able to raise the money from private donors needed to pay for it, an official said on Thursday.

There's an obvious solution: have Honorary Mayor Mike provide all the money himself. He can afford it. He's also a Democrat. It's the least he can do.

P. S. We see Honorary's mad because Honorary Gov. George and "the normal gaggle of Congress people who rush to the microphone anytime they think they can get on the air" want to take away his right to play with his airborne toys, using that dreadful plane crash the other day as an excuse. TRANSLATION: A zillionaire + a pilot's license = AN EFFETE SNOB.

Posted 1:26 PM by Gene

We see the first openly gay Congrespoop, whose last name was Studds, has died, meaning the flags are lowered to half mast in every luxury news suite, assuming they have any.

P. S.



Google News search: "Studds husband"

Posted 1:23 PM by Gene

THE LEAGUE OF NATIONS LAUNCHES A FULL-BORE WET-NOODLE ATTACK ON NORTH KOREA!!!!!

The definition of "if, and or but", no doubt.

Posted 9:05 AM by Gene

MORNING EVERYBODY [Jonah Goldberg]
That's all.
Posted at 7:20 AM

Good night, Jo-NAH! See you on 500 battlin'-pundit shows!

Posted 8:57 AM by Gene

News hacks always tell us if they could only unleash their mighty force of truth telling they'd right every right, and make good every good. Well, here Lenny has a chance to battle alongside SUPERMAN with the forces of justice -- wasn't CLARK KENT a REPORTER? -- so what does he do? He campaigns for Democrats because they're BETTER LOOKING!

This is in the same league as all those idiotic press releases for the EDWARD R. MURROW OF COMEDY. If we're going to have a partisan press let's have it. Let's go back to the days when Horace Greeley told lies in The Log Cabin to elect a president who'd serve one month. Let's stop with this blithering nonsense about objectivity, whose sole purpose is as a fig leaf. Let's stink out the gym LOUDLY and PROUDLY!

Posted 8:30 PM by Gene

[W]e were repeatedly stymied by a "Network error" message that prevented us from saving our work or even performing a spell check (since Docs must save the document first). Likewise, "Unable to connect to the network" left us frustrated and at a dead end. Worrying about whether your documents and spreadsheets will be available and hoping they won't disappear or be corrupted is no way to work....

Though response time was fair and the delay in opening files was acceptable, we often wondered what (if anything) was happening. When we highlighted text and pressed the Del key, for instance, Docs took several seconds to delete the text. We frequently encountered delays or redraw problems when we cut and pasted text, even with a broadband connection.

Sounds as though G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE has moved BLOGGER into word processing.

Posted 6:45 PM by Gene

One, two, three -- POSTURE!

LABOR UPDATE....Good news! That four-month lockout at Southern California supermarkets that ended in Safeway slashing pay and cutting health benefits for its workers is working out swell. Thanks to the cost cutting, they've managed to scrape by for another few months:

The Pleasanton, Calif.-based parent of the Vons and Pavilions grocery chains said Thursday that fiscal third-quarter profit jumped 42%....

Analysts said that labor dispute, which resulted in a contract that reduced benefits and pay rates for new hires, was finally paying off for Safeway.

"There's no question the restructured labor contracts have had a positive impact" on the company's bottom line, [analyst Craig] Hutson said.

Yep, that was a close call. Without the new contract profit might have increased only 10% or so. Can you imagine?

Unfortunately, we can imagine con-SER-va-tives thundering back with their free en-ter-prise baloney, followed by liberals tantruming as they did in Chicago over Wal-Mart, answered by con-SER-va-tives who....no one seems to care for ordinary people, does anyone?

Posted 5:36 PM by Gene

Another AHThouse flick few will see becomes a favorite for the Os-CAR®!

Let's see: Martin the TAXI DRIVER, that other great director's PC, this...the biz had better hope Showgirls or whatever that musical is called is a blockbuster, or else the ACADEMY AWARDS®' ratings will be busted.

Posted 5:23 PM by Gene

Since NewsMAX!!!!!!!!!! has decided it's the ASSociated Press, I'll be NewsMAX!!!!!!!!!! and copy it in full:

Maybe she'll just say "good night." Katie Couric says about 50,000 people have sent her suggestions on how she should sign off each night's broadcast on the "CBS Evening News." She made the good-natured appeal for help with a new catch-phrase exit line on her first night of the broadcast last month.

She told David Letterman on CBS' "Late Show" Thursday that her favorite was "Here, kitty kitty kitty." [Editor's Note: Read more about the Katie Couric experience at CBS News and get this FREE Offer from NewsMax. Click Here Now!] [P. S. NOT from the ASSociated Press, we're sure.]

Another idea alluded to her 15-year stint as NBC's "Today" show host.

"Thanks for watching," she said. "I'm Katie Couric, and I'm not just for breakfast anymore."

We could suggest sign-offs involving her advertisers, her boss, or her ratings, but those are probably already among the 50,000.

Posted 2:03 PM by Gene

Wait till USAOKAY!!!!!, the OFFICIAL PAPER OF SUPER BOWL ADS, comes across THIS ONE!!!!!!!!!!

Here's another PR stunt to justify every buzzword and gimmick lately down the pike: VIRAL MARKETING, WEB 2.0., and the INFERNALLY OMNIPRESENT YOUTUBE. It won't work because people will see through it, most likely the ads will be made by professionals of one kind or another anyway, and if they aren't they'll probably be more of those Web doggy or magic acts and not the least memorable.

Posted 1:20 PM by Gene

"I never acted to enrich myself or to get things I shouldn't, but over time, I allowed myself to get too comfortable with the way things have been done in Washington DC for too long."

And the way to get things done in Washington DC is to enrich yourself.

Posted 11:50 AM by Gene

I think we can call this a pretty fair prediction, though it comes from that avatar of CW Lexington:

In America, it may be the fin de siècle of the Republicans, but the Democrats do not inspire much confidence. Too many of the party hacks in Congress are pre-Clinton types who want to roll back Bush's tax cuts, adopt a lower profile around the world and, above all, take revenge on Mr Bush and his cronies. If they get their way, the result will be not a change in direction but paralysis and political warfare. If the first six years of Mr Bush's presidency have been characterised by unbridled energy in the executive, there is a danger that the last two could see too little of it, with endless inquiries and investigations. The prospect of leaving the world's only superpower distracted and self-obsessed may be the Republicans' only trump card.

Posted 11:44 AM by Gene

America's No. 2 Newsrag has started what it calls a "blog." We beg to differ. "New" media (and we don't call a BIGMEDIA "blog" new) will still radiate with old-media thinking. That's why we find such shticks insincere; what these hacks wouldn't scribble into their columns they just put on their Web sites. It reeks of slumming. And worse, from what we can tell here, it isn't even interesting. Yet we have to waste more time careening up more cul-de-sacs for information that ultimately cancels itself out from its vast profusion.

Posted 11:30 AM by Gene

On the cusp of national greatness, on the eve of a lib -- PROGRESSIVE revival, when all the forces of good are in the ascendant, ERRAMERICA files for its long-awaited BANKRUPTCY!

We will never figure out why people don't want left-wing Rushes. Maybe it's their sense of humor. Or maybe PILLHEAD's cornered the market on flatulence.

Posted 11:14 AM by Gene

FYI [Jonah Goldberg]

It appears I'll be on CNN's Reliable Sources this Sunday with ... Andrew Sullivan. Should be interesting.

Posted at 10:54 AM

It appears so many of our leading loudmouths spend so much of their time on TV the networks ought to build studio-condos so the pundits wouldn't have to schlep their way in. Heck they probably wouldn't know the difference if they lived in the studios.

Posted 9:29 AM by Gene

Has anyone ever played an office prank on Little Jeffy?

Posted 9:04 AM by Gene

Some people have a "mental" problem: they shop. A lot.

The problem is widespread and serious enough that the American Psychiatric Association, which is updating its influential "bible" of mental disorders, is weighing whether to list compulsive buying as a disorder.

That proposal is sure to stir a long-running debate about whether psychiatry is turning every troubling aspect of human behavior into a disease.

Why not? If anything can be a mental illness, everything can.

Blogging certianly is.

Posted 7:02 AM by Gene

MORT ZUCK so LOVES stories like this we wish an asteroid would come and find him.

Posted 6:58 AM by Gene

America's No. 1 SOUTH PARK fan and the greatest blogger since the PROFESSOR is in overdrive: NINETEEN straight posts in the Corner!

Jo-NAH, why not give her her own space so she doesn't crowd into ours?

Posted 6:41 AM by Gene

A. O. with B. O. is in a GOOD MOOD today -- which is why the ad-blurbists become ever more the stuff of laughter, and avoidance.

“Natural’s Not in It” (speaking of great pop songs) blasts over the electrifying pink-and-black opening titles, kicking us into 18th-century Versailles with a jolt of anachronism. (Later there is some period-appropriate Rameau to go with the 80’s post-punk Ms. Coppola favors, and a high-top sneaker tucked amid the fabulous ancien régime couture.)

We can see why B. O. would love this: it's IN YOUR FACE, like PINCH. That may explain why it got booed at Cannes, and why PAPER OF RE-CORD readers have lately been IN YOUR FACE at PINCH's shareholders.

Posted 6:31 AM by Gene

We do not know how microcredit figures into the Kaboom-Man Peace Prize except maybe it avoids the kind of lockstep PC for which it's become famous, and maybe the Thinker statues of Sweden who dispense it were tired of hearing questions about Iraq. It's as if they may be preparing for a long haul of bestowing their "honor" upon Dilberts.

Better luck next year!

Posted 6:14 PM by Gene

SO -- Grover "Show Me the Money" Norquist was in bed with THE RED-STATE SCORPION.

Who'da thought?

Posted 6:11 PM by Gene

Oops: Looks like I'm gonna have to surf NewsMAX!!!!!!!!!! on Firefox with its FLASHBUSTER; they're running ads for ANOTHER CON-SER-VA-TIVE MOVIE!

Wait! Isn't this the landmark director who had his girlfriend get an abortion? Didn't he just come out for EUTHANASIA? To paraphrase JPOD, IT STINKS -- BUT IT'S RIGHT-WING.

Posted 5:53 PM by Gene

Now that the agonizing Amish saga has "ended" am I the only person who thinks the coverage stunk? I've often complained of the fake Our Town routine the hacks slather on stories about the pee-PUL, but this was worse: they seemed to be reporting on Martians. The Amish are strange, and their intense desire for privacy must ultimately make any reporting voyeuristic; but take the fact that few if any hacks attend church, and combine it with the fact that they couldn't really report firsthand, and you got speculative bathos. This was the Kremlin in Dutchland. Neither the Plain People nor the story were served by this latest attempt of news hacks to scribble their way around a problem.

Posted 2:14 PM by Gene

I don't know -- shouldn't TRIB's bean counters be going after loud 1,198-word burping wri-TERS like STEVE?

(Via Romy, who was inevitably impressed by his DEEP intellect)

P. S. OH-oh, a member of ED's demographic is NOT PLEASED!

I'd say Rafi has shown more insight than an army of eructing DAVID REMNICKS.

Posted 1:58 PM by Gene

America's most PC university says, "You WILL be socially just -- or ELSE! JAWOHL!"

Posted 1:33 PM by Gene

Since the dot-com mania started we've seen lots of waves of the future. Yahoo! was the wave of the future in search engines. Netscape was the wave of the future in browsers. AOL was the wave of the future in ISPs. Broadcast.com was the wave of the future in media. eBay was the wave of the future in shopping. Priceline was the wave of the future in travel. Nearly all these waves then washed back out to sea, leaving scattered carcasses of hopes and investors.

We suspect this extremely perplexing and annoying YouTube mania is another. Who has time to scour all those videos, no matter how cute? They're like blogs only the vast majority are hyperkinetic dead air. And they won't last: what happened to MP3.com's library? The same in time with all those doggy tricks and glorified magic acts and archives of obscure musicians on G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE's new toy.

Posted 1:30 PM by Gene

The PEOPLE WEEKLY of biznews says CEOs were being ousted "every 13 days" in the first three quarters of '06.

On their salaries I'm sure we can feel very sorry for them.

Posted 10:55 AM by Gene

A fine reason to move the League of Nations to Tehran.

So much for John Bolton -- or Pat Moynihan -- or anyone.

(Via -- alas -- Jo-NAH)

Posted 10:45 AM by Gene

A man with "uncompromising politics" has won Dynamite Man's Li-te-rah-tee-yure Prize, although at least this time it appears not to mean 100-percent PC.

It says here he has written and spoken forcefully on the Armenian genocide, so maybe for once the Dynamite Committee has chosen someone useful.

On to the PEACE LAUGH!

Posted 10:44 AM by Gene

Translation: The League of Nations has just given North Korea carte blanche with its nuke program.

Posted 10:21 AM by Gene

Mark Warner isn't running for president, so John Edwards' hair is safe.

Posted 10:21 AM by Gene

G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLEBLOGGER BREAKS DOWN AGAIN!

Posted 6:38 AM by Gene

How apt that USAOKAY!!!!! runs this story on the ineffectiveness of anti-psychosis drugs for Alzheimer's patients right below one of those creepy banner ads (you know, Lincoln and the gopher) for Rozerem, made by a Japanese firm with its finger in the rich Alzheimer's pie. Sometimes it seems as if big pharma is less an industry than a conspiracy.

Posted 6:34 AM by Gene

Elsewhere SKNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNX leafs through polls, and leafs, and leafs, and tells us something wonderful is about to happen in Washington, without even bothering to tell us how it is wonderful to go from one kind of bad to another.

He also praises the late Johnny Apple, the ultimate CW stamp of approval, and thus far less flattering than SKNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNX thinks.

Posted 6:33 AM by Gene

I guess Lenny put Whiny Reid's sneaky land deal in the paper to prove his boys can occasionally report bad news on Democrats too. Occasionally.

Posted 7:40 PM by Gene

Howard "C. W." Fineman tries butting to the head of the line to take credit for Year of the Woman II, ultimately remembering who butters his -- paycheck:

One last name: Deirdre Imus. She has the toughest media management job of all. She is a leading environmental and children's-health advocate and runs a major foundation, but also has an important responsibility: her husband.

Half a seven-digit news hack's day is spent in buttering.

Posted 4:50 PM by Gene

In more cable-news-Titanic deck-chair rearranging Lou "The Fightin' Lollipop" Dobbs gets to be quite a weighty anchor.

Dobbs is only one of a number of CNN personalities who are getting their own hours in primetime to focus on issues surrounding the November 7 midterm elections where the House of Representatives and possibly control of the Senate are up for grabs. CNN's Jack Cafferty will have the first hour in primetime on what CNN is calling the "Broken Government" series at 7 p.m. Thursday, October 19.

Broken government? Broken cable news.

Posted 3:20 PM by Gene

Knee-jerk liberals and Romy are up in arms because BizWeek has fired a "serious" labor reporter. It's become "THE PEOPLE OF THE BUSINESS WORLD!!!!!" they're thundering. We answer back (and repeat ourselves): any rag that estimated THE DONALD's net worth at $500 BILLION or whatever the number was, and whose staff includes LEGENDARY WELCH'S GHOST, was probably never that serious for starters.

Posted 2:30 PM by Gene

We've found something worse than MORT ZUCK mining private tragedies: SUPERADAM and his "BLOGGERS" making ironic fun of them.

Posted 12:32 PM by Gene

The wet-noodle flogging begins in earnest:

Japan bans North Korean imports

And how many zeroes is that?

Posted 12:29 PM by Gene

Remember last year when the hacks threatened us with another bad hurricane season?

Chalk up another topic they know nothing about.

Posted 12:20 PM by Gene

More from the WONDERFUL world of ADVERTISING -- and INTERNET BUBBLES:

How much buzz does it take to sell Milwaukee's Best? Apparently a lot more than 3 million hits on YouTube and 197 blog mentions.

Proving that viral sensations don't always immediately translate into sensational sales, the bargain beer's video of its "Beer Cannon" that fires cans of Milwaukee's Best Light to destroy such unmanly targets such as china dishes, house plants and fruit has inspired discussion but not much consumption.

Sales of Milwaukee's Best fell 11% in supermarkets for the 52 weeks ended Sept. 9, according to Information Resources Inc., and sales of Best Light dropped 7.5%.

Pffh-hh-hh hh hh hh hh hh hh hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!

It's the PRODUCT, stupids!

Posted 11:49 AM by Gene

With international concern mounting that the murder of Mrs Politkovskaya represented perhaps the most disturbing development yet in a crackdown on Russian media freedoms, Mrs Merkel said she had raised her worries in talks with Mr Putin.

"The Russian president has again made it clear that everything will be done to clear up this murder," the chancellor told reporters.

And clearing it up is what Belly Kisser no doubt has already done.

Posted 6:50 AM by Gene

The generation's greatest comedian who is not a newsman fulminates:

"This is not about one party or another. This is about how the whole system sucks," Williams told reporters.

He criticized the influence of special interest groups, the millions of dollars needed to campaign for office and the negative advertisements candidates use to hurt their rivals.

OR:

How Bad Will This Movie Be? - Monday, October 09, 2006 @ 11:53:15 AM

Heard from [SIC] a radio ad for Robin William’s [SIC] new pic, Man Of The Year:

Actress playing reporter: Have you given any thought to what the make up of your Cabinet will be?

Williams: Well, I’ve always favored hard woods like teak and mahogany.

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OHMIGAWD! I didn’t see that one coming! ROTFLMAO!

Posted By: David Hogberg

(Sorry for the AmSpec)

Posted 6:41 AM by Gene

Over the past century the U.S. has been tested in Asia many times. Kim Jong Il is only the latest in a long line of gamblers who thought they could get America to fold. [Home-page tease]

Only this time he has a chance.

Posted 6:38 AM by Gene

Excellent: Philthydelphia spends billions to build a Taj Mahal for the IGGLES -- and one of its exit ramps is unsafe!

Nah, it's not unsafe, says the city, it's the FANS. Science knows everything.

Posted 6:34 AM by Gene

At least 655,000! Two million! Ten million!! TWENTY MILLION!!!! have died in the Iraq War!!!!! (So some "non-partisan scientists" claim; and being scientists they must know EVERYTHING.)

"They're almost certainly way too high," said Anthony Cordesman of the Center for Strategic & International Studies in Washington. He criticized the way the estimate was derived and noted that the results were released shortly before the Nov. 7 elections in the United States.

"This is not analysis, this is politics," Cordesman said.

This is not politics, it's EVERYWHERE!!!!!

We hope.

Posted 8:31 PM by Gene

NYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH-NYAH-NYAH-NYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH-NYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

``We had it right, and someone else had it wrong,'' said Greg Gallo, sports editor at the Post, which ran the headline ``Joe's Safe'' on this morning's page one. ``The News blew it up, and it blew up in their faces.''...

``This is what we want from newspapers,'' said Mitchell Stephens, a New York University journalism professor and author of ``A History of News.'' ``We want them to be competing. This is good old-fashioned scoop journalism.''

Yeah but do we want them to be wrong as often as DA NOOZ and DA POST!!!!!!!!!!?

Posted 8:14 PM by Gene

Why in God's name should the lives of an airplane's passengers and crew depend on a single switch?

Posted 8:11 PM by Gene

We may be witnessing the self-immolation of North Korea. If the "international community" gives it another free pass we may as well close the League of Nations, not that it should be open for business anyway.

Posted 8:09 PM by Gene

Report: N. Korea may have done 2nd nuke test

WHAT ARE THESE @#$%&* NORTH KOREANS TRYING TO DO? GET @#$%&* FOLEY OFF THE FRONT PAGES?!?!?

P. S. False alarm -- but for how long?

Posted 5:23 PM by Gene

China backs ‘some’ N. Korea punitive action

Okay, Eastern Wal-Mart Empire, what does "some" mean?



It would seem the South Koreans have much more sense than the "international community."

P. S. There is widespread speculation the test was non-nuclear. It does stretch credulity to think a country that can't feed itself can build the bomb. Nuclear or not, it was provocative, and the next time may be for real, assuming this wasn't.

Posted 2:34 PM by Gene

Yes, it's a liberal, and YES, King Denny IS a "bumbling half-wit."

Posted 2:22 PM by Gene

12 dead in Philippine bomb blast, dozens injured

Eskimos, don'tcha think?

Posted 1:59 PM by Gene

JPOD offers a motto for Ms. Travers and all her fillum-reviewing friends:

IT STUNK, BUT IT WAS RIGHT-WING

Posted 9:27 AM by Gene

Shucks, Joe stays put.

Yes, we think George HAS mellowed.

Posted 9:25 AM by Gene

If EHDYUKAYTERS can't teach, what makes them think they can stop school violence?

As if they ever CAN think.

Posted 9:20 AM by Gene

People Warner Magazines' boss thinks she can "transform" her outfit into a Web company.

Isn't that what People Warner thought when it agreed to be bought by you-know-who?

Posted 9:13 AM by Gene

Now YouTube has the money to defend itself against charges of COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT!

Posted 8:55 AM by Gene

Two MediaBistro links that prove the media can never reform:

1. CJR wants news hacks to "lead." We know from Watergate and Vietnam what this means: to lead us over a cliff.

2. Huff'n'Puff (which MediaBistro must identify as "Eat the Press") thinks Mike Wallace's son is a jerk. Fine. He is a jerk. But so is someone like HHHWWWALTER CRRRONKITE JR., and it gets me mad to think again A JERK ISN'T A JERK WHEN HE'S OUR JERK. And what's the difference between someone named Rachel Sklar and someone named Prowler?

Posted 8:44 AM by Gene

Charlie Gibson (Charles Gibson when doing dramatic roles) doesn't want "adult diapers, dentures [Gail Shister-cannot-write SIC!!!!!] and 'patent medicines'" selling on his show. He wants cars.

He may have a point; perhaps they could be sold on SNL, which does seem to have a similar demographic. We do hope Charlie is a regular viewer.

On the plus side he did turn down a guest lackey spot on FAZE THE NATION or whatever the ERIC SEVAREID OF COMEDY's show is called, though he obligatorily called him brilliant -- one news hack logrolling another. (It appears from Gail's blithe scribble ERIC worked briefly on "GMA", which should prove for all time he and ED ARE NEWS HACKS.)

(Via the inevitable Romy, who's also not getting any younger)

Posted 7:02 AM by Gene

Fixer wants us to talk to North Korea.

Has any man ever been so motiviated by OIL?

Posted 6:56 AM by Gene

In another brilliant move to fight the decline in record sales, the industry is giving us one album on a USB flash drive.

How apt. USB flash drives are, of course, erasable.

Posted 6:45 AM by Gene

The blithering dimwit(s) whom the equally blithering Mencken impersonator EMMETT insists can use Democrat as an ADJECTIVE will say to his (her, their, its) dying day, THE DEMOCRAT PARTY DID IT!!!!!!!!!! And no doubt the disclosure of Horny Mark and his escapades was a DemocratIC Party-media police state co-production. That said, perhaps the CO-CONSPIRATORS would have drawn a blank if Horny Mark hadn't had a LIKING for BOYS. We must admit, too, that the Republicans are experts at cute little tricks, most notably shakedowns (ask the heroic RED-STATE SCORPION, or the DUKE) and THIRD-RATE BURGLARIES.

We will further admit it is odd that a party that triumphantly endorses gay marriage should try to win an election with what it would call "homophobia." But politics has never been about scruples, as any number of Republicans can also attest.

By the way, EM, what purpose do you serve in making ol' Democrat as an ADJECTIVE anonymous? Don't you have the guts to put your money where your atrocious grammar is?

Posted 6:42 AM by Gene

The imperial march of President Babs's latest farewell tour continues:

Befitting an event that suggested a one-woman Super Bowl in which the star competed with her legend, the concert was packed with distracting bells and whistles. A useless question-and-answer session in which she responded to randomly selected audience questions wasted precious time. During the Bush impersonation, a solitary heckler so annoyed Ms. Streisand that she lost her temper and hurled an obscenity.

But, our ad-blurbist tells us, she sang "magnificently", which we'll take as code for you had to be there.

Posted 5:21 PM by Gene

Let's just say BOTH parties performed on North Korea with flying colors, and be DONE with it.

Posted 4:50 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: When a Republican candidate hints a M----m opponent may be soft on terrorism by supporting groups like CAIR, we campaign for the opponent.

When the news hacks hid under the desk during the CARTOON calamity they earned themselves the right to recuse themselves from any reporting on anything M----m, and they should exercise that right NOW.

Posted 4:44 PM by Gene

Analysts Say Blast Was Small for a Nuclear Weapon

Meaning the "international community" has more reason to do nothing.

We see the test site was near the Chinese border, so now we KNOW the "international community" will do nothing.

Posted 10:58 AM by Gene

Wal-Mart fakes a blog.

Sorry, PROFESSOR, blogging lost its virginity a LONG time ago.

P. S. Looking at the blog I think, why did Wal-Mart bother?

Posted 10:50 AM by Gene

The only way to stop North Korea is through reunification, and there isn't enough courage among the "international community" to lift even one finger for it.

Posted 10:45 AM by Gene

Meantime the uberflack Peter "Softie" Bart daydreams of Yahoo! buying VIACON or G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE "swallowing" ESPNCORP, which is rather like daydreaming of AOL buying TIME WARNER.

(Also via IWantMedia)

Posted 10:43 AM by Gene

Youth spending LESS time online?!?!?

TRANSLATION: Maybe all those social networking sites aren't worth a combined $200 BILLION.

You have to wonder whether L'AFFAIRE HORNY may be taking hold too. It wouldn't hurt some people to hold off the online yakyak.

(Via IWantMedia)

Posted 10:28 AM by Gene

Elsewhere in the ASSPress:

Stewart Dispels Rumor [SIC!!!!!] of White House Run

This idiot RUMOR started in SUMNER's head. A NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD to CURLEY [Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!] and ANOTHER COURAGEOUSLY UN-BYLINED SCRIBBLER!

Posted 10:25 AM by Gene

That a South Korean will now certainly head the League of Nations is meaningless. He will no doubt prove so mushy headed his appointment couldn't rise even to the level of symbolism.

There was growing speculation in U.N. corridors that the North Koreans timed their nuclear test to the Security Council vote on Ban — to express their displeasure and opposition to a new U.N. chief from South Korea.

They'd flatter him that way?

Posted 10:24 AM by Gene

BULLETIN!!!!! BUSH CONDEMNS NORTH KOREA'S NUCLEAR TEST!!!!! [Overemphasis added]

BULLETIN!!!!! BUSH FLOGS NORTH KOREA WITH A WET NOODLE!!!!!

Posted 10:12 AM by Gene

Here's another thing Little Jeffy can point with pride to: a potential $250 million budget for a comedy.

With that kind of money He could afford two percent of YOUTUBE.

This leaky patchwork scupper should send GOODTHINGS ENTERTAINMENT out of its Fairfield port. How do you Six Sigma comedies?

And the ROOTKIT PEOPLE refused to co-finance it, which shows how adrift from reality Bob Wright or whoever runs that outfit is.

Posted 10:03 AM by Gene

An al Reut editor loses his job for writing a screed against TARZANA?!?!?

We don't know whether any news hack should lose his job for writing a screed on anything, but we wonder how much this may have to do with the rep of news hacks in general and al Reut in particular.

(Via MediaBistro)

Posted 9:52 AM by Gene

Another wins the Nobel Prize, this time for explaining things we suspect even the Wizard of Oz would have a tough time explaining to us.

How much of the Economics winners' folderol has held up over time?

Now on to LAUGHTER!

Posted 9:40 AM by Gene

The ideological pretzel of liberalism defined, but because both sides have become so reinforced-concrete-headed we don't expect any nonpartisan sense from anyone.

Here is why even now there are doubts Mssssssssssss. Pelosi's crew can win. And what would YOU do about North Korea, MADAME SPEAKER?

Posted 9:36 AM by Gene

The ERIC SEVAREID OF COMEDY's 72 STAFF WRITERS get together to devise a cover plug for SUPERADAM!

Now think if he'd used 200 writers! Maybe he did.

Plus a 4,424-WORD FEATURE PLUG that NOWHERE mentions his ratings. You looking for a job, SUPERADAM?

We know we shouldn't call him Eric Sevareid as his alleged target's the NO-SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN ZONE, but if we recall correctly his show was first intended as a kind of commentary to the EDWARD R. MURROW OF COMEDY's news, and this greatest comedian of all the ages proved in DC he could be as pompous as ERIC was in his prime, so for now, we stick with it.

We also note (in what little of this advertisement we could bring ourselves to read) that ERIC seemed to gulp at the notion that he is in some ways like TARZANA -- all the more reason not to regard these frauds as COMEDIANS but as NEWS HACKS. They want to be taken seriously without being taken seriously. But these HACKS are now every bit as much the self-regarding bloviators as the people they presume to skewer, in a different way -- and they're PAID AS MUCH. They're nothing more than "COMEDY"'s version of the NEW JOURNALISM. The time's come to deprive them of their exemption.

A NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD to BOTH ADAMS! Look out newsrags, here they come!

Posted 9:33 AM by Gene

Now to flog North Korea with a wet noodle after the fact!

It will be a measure of how serious the news hacks are to see how long this lasts on front pages and home pages. We say ONE DAY. Then it's back to campaigning. In fairness part of this is because now the League of Nations "takes charge", and buries it in the drone of snoring.

Posted 9:19 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: Fixer says what he has to though it's not in his heart -- just so long as BIG OIL gets ITS.

Posted 8:41 PM by Gene

I must confess too I'm a little mad because even now, a good hour or more after THE GAME OF THE CENTURY, there are clowns outside our local ESPN TAVERN or whatever they call it cheering. Thankfully many people don't have to work tomorrow (yours truly included), but isn't there something more substantial in life than rooting for a bunch of mercenaries knocking stone heads? And who the hell is this T. O.?

Posted 8:30 PM by Gene

MISSING THE POINT, AGAIN AND AGAIN:

Missing the point, again: A brief Nathan Lee review on Friday of an exploitative "prequel" to the classic horror film "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" echoes A RELIGIOUSLY OFFENSIVE COMMENT!!!!! from Week in Review columnist FRANK -- RICH. [BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!]

Here's Nathan Lee on the new "Texas" flick: "THE MOVIE EXISTS TO BRUTALIZE!!!!! LIKE 'THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST,' IT IS AN INVITATION TO HARD-CORE SADISM!!!!!!!!!!" [Overemphasis added]

SIX OF ONE. I don't see ANY difference between these two masterworks because they BOTH worship VIOLENT DEATH. Ironically this CON-SER-VA-TIVE attitude that we must NOT criticize ANYTHING CHRISTIAN has an unnerving parallel to the LIBERAL belief that we must NOT CRITICIZE ANYTHING MUSLIM.

It is bad enough that I get less than ten hits a day. It is worse that in order to write a blog for a non-existent audience I have to work myself up over IDIOTS of BOTH SIDES who've had their MIDDLE FINGERS SURGICALLY FUSED UP. It's as if the WHOLE WORLD's ruled by LOUDMOUTHS who must take every last cue from two men whose names begin with the ALL-TOO-SYMBOLIC O.

(Via THE CORNER, where Ms. Travers must STILL be in a lather)

Posted 4:54 PM by Gene

HUNTER! COME BACK!! ALL IS FORGIVEN!!!

PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!

Posted 4:40 PM by Gene

BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURP: I'm convinced we need FEWER news sources. Thanks to the Web we have something called the New York Sun, where the Glibertarian Amity gets to eruct in so many words that America needs a Glibertarian Republican party. Just two problems: 1. Glibertarians think they can solve the world's social ills by admiring themselves in the mirror (i.e., Dow 36,000); and 2. What's the difference between one kind of liberal Democrat and another?

Posted 3:27 PM by Gene

The NO-SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN ZONE is a raging maniac; news hacks fume. HHHWWWALTER CRRRONKITE JR. is a raging maniac; DAVID "300" BAUDER raves.

What's the difference between RAGING MANIACS except when one's OUR raging maniac?

P. S. There goes the idea of RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hiring him.

Posted 1:34 PM by Gene

OooooooooOOOOOOOOooooooooh, Norm Ornstein, the PAUL DRECK of politics, wants King Denny to resign thanks to his REALTOR®ING.

Why is it we can so blinded by someone's rep as a publicity seeker we can think him wrong even when he may be right?

Posted 11:30 AM by Gene

Byron eats his SPINACH!

Hope it isn't contaminated.

(Via, oh well, the Corner, where the usual Jo-NAH links to a Playboy whatisit [they can READ?] of its ten favorite bloggers, all of whom get fifty billion hits, including a new favorite, a left-wing Volokhhead [1,483 WORDS in his latest post]. Will anyone ever find ME?)

Posted 9:05 AM by Gene

PSST!! Joe. JOE!! You have my permission to tell people what a great CEO I am.

We would note, as unspeakable a man as MICKEYMOUSE NIXON was, He managed to get His stock to levels Ub Iger hasn't seen. We might also say, wait until the tables turn. They turned on MICKEYMOUSE NIXON.

Posted 9:00 AM by Gene

Shucks, THE CONSPIRACY lost a valiant ally.

GOOD RIDDANCE!

"He was someone who was very supportive of copyrights and artists' rights," said one music industry executive.

Foley also had another agenda: "He was very eager to get to all the parties," said this person.

Foley was a frequent guest at entertainment industry events. Two years ago at a pre-Grammy gathering honoring Sting in Los Angeles, the congressman was seated next to this columnist at a table hosted by music giant EMI. Over the course of the evening, Foley proceeded to get quite tipsy - and handed over his phone number along with an offer to fly me back to New York in a private jet. (For the record: The overture was rebuffed.)

This alone is an OUTSTANDING argument to oust the GOP -- if only the DEMS weren't slightly to the right of Karl Marx.

Posted 8:55 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: HHHWWWALTER CRRRONKITE merely gives his help what he gave his audience for so many years.

P. S. How can he stand his girlfriend's sister's singing?

Posted 8:51 AM by Gene

Now ya done it, Joe: ya got George to fire ya.

We wonder that he hasn't done it before. Maybe he's mellowed.

(Via the ASSociated Press)

Posted 8:36 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: The lab ate my homework!

Posted 8:30 AM by Gene

With this, the first issue with JonBoy as head of his newsrag, we repeat our suggestion: he should run covers on both sides, one upside down. That way he can tell two stories at once. First he can dance on the GOP's grave, second he can tell us how global warming is destroying the earth and we have to do all sorts of hopeless and destructive things to "save" it. They must have laughed in the luxury news suite last week; Mr. Mark (now safely ensconced upstairs) must have said to JonBoy, GIVE ME FIVE!!!!! before slinking into his office and locking the door.

P. S. Three decades ago the League of Nations and all its slaves said DDT was destroying the earth. We wonder how many front pages and covers that inspired. Now, with malaria out of control, even THE PAPER OF RE-CORD admits bringing it back is the right thing. We can trust news hacks on little they say, including definite and indefinite articles.

Posted 8:25 AM by Gene

The bad news for Noam Chomsky, Oliver Stone, Michael Moore, etc.: the TWXSTERS say Fidel has terminal cancer.

The good news for Noam Chomsky, Oliver Stone, Michael Moore, etc.: the TWXSTERS said ELVIS was dead.

Of course, such intelligence reports could be wrong....

PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!

Posted 8:24 AM by Gene

NK 'may drop test if U.S. talks'

WE'LL TALK!!!!! WE'LL TALK!!!!!