THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
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Saturday, June 13, 2009
And how can we forget THIS ONE?
(Though we suspect it wouldn't bother the CULT OF AYN either -- it's just a flag.)
(Though we suspect it wouldn't bother the CULT OF AYN either -- it's just a flag.)
SLAVES TO SOME DEFUNCT ECONOMIST: "REASON".com tries to counter the lockstep thinking of the TWXSTERS' putative flaghsip with lockstep thinking of its own (drugs aren't bad, porn isn't bad, blahblahblah), which reminds me of a quote I posted before from P. J. O'Rourke, via Joe Queenan:
Once described as “the funniest writer in America” by Time and The Wall Street Journal, O’Rourke suspects that this raised his profile among libertarians, who for some reason think of themselves as a pack of wild cutups.
“There’s a nutty side to libertarians, starting with the Big Girl, Ayn Rand, and going straight through Alan Greenspan,” O’Rourke told me over the phone. “When I go to Cato Institute functions, there’s always a group of guys who look like they cut their own hair and get their mothers to dress them, with lots of buttons about legalizing heroin and demanding a return to the gold standard. The institute has tried to weed them out over the years, but they still turn up at the bigger events. As soon as I see them coming toward me, my heart sinks.” [Emphasis again added]
I might further add that even that former WIZARD OF OZ believes Milty Friedman is a god no longer.
P. S.
Though I'd flashed by the article somewhere and paid it no mind because I already knew its contents by heart I clicked on it through a ZEITGEIST.com link, meaning we won't ever criticize ITS dubious covers. A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO JEFF, RADLEY AND JONBOY!
Once described as “the funniest writer in America” by Time and The Wall Street Journal, O’Rourke suspects that this raised his profile among libertarians, who for some reason think of themselves as a pack of wild cutups.
“There’s a nutty side to libertarians, starting with the Big Girl, Ayn Rand, and going straight through Alan Greenspan,” O’Rourke told me over the phone. “When I go to Cato Institute functions, there’s always a group of guys who look like they cut their own hair and get their mothers to dress them, with lots of buttons about legalizing heroin and demanding a return to the gold standard. The institute has tried to weed them out over the years, but they still turn up at the bigger events. As soon as I see them coming toward me, my heart sinks.” [Emphasis again added]
I might further add that even that former WIZARD OF OZ believes Milty Friedman is a god no longer.
P. S.
Though I'd flashed by the article somewhere and paid it no mind because I already knew its contents by heart I clicked on it through a ZEITGEIST.com link, meaning we won't ever criticize ITS dubious covers. A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO JEFF, RADLEY AND JONBOY!
With Sort-Of God and crew telling us how much of their stimulus might go into the wrong hands why didn't they just announce a bailout for white-collar criminals? They've bailed out everything else.
And we can guess how much news coverage will go into these scams, and how much into CLOUD FORMATIONS.
And we can guess how much news coverage will go into these scams, and how much into CLOUD FORMATIONS.
Which reminds us of how the hacks have taken yet another vacation from reporting on Sort-Of by running thousands and thousands of stories about the battle between two tired late-night comedians. When tens of millions watched Johnny Carson few if any news hacks noticed. Now that these zillionaires have a combined audience of maybe seven million a night the hacks go overboard. That fewer people watch them than ever says enough, but not enough to news hacks, who must say anything.
IMBECILE: Paul is RILED UP!!!!! that the ASSPRESS is giving away content from FOUR COMMIE ORGANIZATIONS. And where does he get that idea? FROM CONSERVATIVE PRESSURE GROUPS!
IDIOT!
IDIOT!
The obvious thing is to write tons of paragraphs on the symbolism of the Red Wings' loss, but all it says to me is yet another boring sporting "event" passed by with few people watching, and we'll leave it at that.
I hate to drone on this story as I all but predicted it, but between something like this and the non-reporting on FDR we have a couple of pretty good reasons why the Glob's hacks deserved their 23-percent pay cut, and why, with luck, PINCH will have to give His paper away, or better yet, CLOSE IT.
It is also further proof the hacks do favors, and for that reason alone cannot be trusted.
It is also further proof the hacks do favors, and for that reason alone cannot be trusted.
Do the hacks not realize that by not reporting on Sort-Of they create an invisible presidency? How are we served by that, o P-Ulitzer winners?
Ho-hum, another rigged election.
The problem with this "democracy" business is that lately "democracy" has come to the aid of a lot of tyrants. What is the point of an election that's already decided? Why not be a tyrant the old-fashioned way?
The problem with this "democracy" business is that lately "democracy" has come to the aid of a lot of tyrants. What is the point of an election that's already decided? Why not be a tyrant the old-fashioned way?
Friday, June 12, 2009
If the Hartford Courant can report on Sandy "Mozilo" Dodd's Irish cottage why can't the news hacks break their veritable blackout on SUPERMAN?
Forbeslist looks on the bright side of the...ECONOMY:
Financial blogger and investment adviser Barry Ritholtz singles out a few more goods that are going cheap: boats, jewelry, Picassos and Monets, second homes. "Make a list of the favorite things that you want, and put in a low-ball offer, and tell people the offer is good for six months," he says. "Your spending habits should be countercyclical; You don't buy, buy, buy when the economy is great."
Gotta get that Picasso right now!
Financial blogger and investment adviser Barry Ritholtz singles out a few more goods that are going cheap: boats, jewelry, Picassos and Monets, second homes. "Make a list of the favorite things that you want, and put in a low-ball offer, and tell people the offer is good for six months," he says. "Your spending habits should be countercyclical; You don't buy, buy, buy when the economy is great."
Gotta get that Picasso right now!
The peculiar case of Congresspoop Laura's house is but an expression of what these frauds would do literally that they only now do figuratively.
And we must say they're doing a pretty good job figuratively too.
And we must say they're doing a pretty good job figuratively too.
In another measure of how brilliantly our crusading First Amendment defenders are doing their jobs, they have pretty well squooshed reports (mostly, alas, from CONSERVATIVES) suggesting Sort-Of is having his peons read the Miranda warning to terrorists, and no one seems to know how true that is. Why do we need to know? It's just news.
Look! Up in the sky! It's cloud formations!
Or is it YOUR SUPERMAN?
Look! Up in the sky! It's cloud formations!
Or is it YOUR SUPERMAN?
Who'd have guessed: In Branson East they're having trouble financing that new Spider-Man theme park. Really, those folks should stick to cartoon characters that don't travel with webs.
Did Mickey Mouse need one?
Did Mickey Mouse need one?
Meantime Sort-Of God finds he must continue to keep the waters parted between us and the terrorists.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
The ASSPRESS may not know what the heck FDR's doing -- judging from the hacks' lapdog snoozes I'd say they've put themselves in the perfect position not to care -- but thankfully its intrepid reporters are keeping on top of cloud formations.
And in YOUR automotive future:
Lousy bumpers smack owners of small cars with huge repair bills in low-speed crashes, study finds
But at least you pay for a good cause.
One reason the Smart ForTwo fared so well in the study was not because of the effectiveness of its bumper in crashes, but because of the affordability of its repairs. The Smart’s plastic body parts can be easily replaced. The front and rear bumper come in three sections and are prepainted.
TRANSLATION: Do-it-yourself cars! How 'bout it, FDR?
Lousy bumpers smack owners of small cars with huge repair bills in low-speed crashes, study finds
But at least you pay for a good cause.
One reason the Smart ForTwo fared so well in the study was not because of the effectiveness of its bumper in crashes, but because of the affordability of its repairs. The Smart’s plastic body parts can be easily replaced. The front and rear bumper come in three sections and are prepainted.
TRANSLATION: Do-it-yourself cars! How 'bout it, FDR?
Ahmadinejad election lead slipping
Did someone take a poll -- in IRAN?
Didn't think so. Just that famous Cable News Nuisance speculation.
Besides, it many depend on what your definition of "slipping" is. Slipping on a banana peel onto a mattress is not slipping.
Did someone take a poll -- in IRAN?
Didn't think so. Just that famous Cable News Nuisance speculation.
Besides, it many depend on what your definition of "slipping" is. Slipping on a banana peel onto a mattress is not slipping.
Well I can think of one good thing about a Cash-for-Clunkers law: it would take a lot of Chrysler clunkers off the highway.
If the BUGMEISTERS had not perfected SLOTH in the first place we, their unwilling guinea pigs, would not have had to shell out untold billions protecting ourselves from THEIR SOFTWARE.
(Also via Henry Honest)
(Also via Henry Honest)
We have often said how news hacks stumble and fall onto the truth, and if one of the Ranceoids doesn't execute a pratfall to end all pratfalls:
Mr. Weinstock cautioned against being overt or ham-handed in the delivery of R-rated marketing content online.
But isn't overt ham-handedness the point of these masterpieces? Isn't the point of the red-bands to sell to as many minors as possible?
A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO CLAUDE, WHO'S LOOKING FOR A JOB WITH VERY LITTLER JEFFY!
Mr. Weinstock cautioned against being overt or ham-handed in the delivery of R-rated marketing content online.
But isn't overt ham-handedness the point of these masterpieces? Isn't the point of the red-bands to sell to as many minors as possible?
A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO CLAUDE, WHO'S LOOKING FOR A JOB WITH VERY LITTLER JEFFY!
If only there were an SPCA to capture political attack dogs. When they yap I take it personally. They attack the other guy for their own excesses and are trying to erase the word humility from human nature. Does it matter what politics a man has who kills an Army recruiter, or a security guard at a museum? Why do such idiots measure the worth of a man -- of any man -- by his politics?
Which raises another question: To what higher force are bloggers responsible? Those of us who've greeted the collapse of the news biz with glee are reaping what we've sowed. A newspaper can go out of business when it loses money. A blogging network of amateurs and true believers can never go out of business so long as it has THE TRUTH. Thus has political lying increased by an incalculable sum, and we cannot follow any news without a highly partisan splitting headache.
Which raises another question: To what higher force are bloggers responsible? Those of us who've greeted the collapse of the news biz with glee are reaping what we've sowed. A newspaper can go out of business when it loses money. A blogging network of amateurs and true believers can never go out of business so long as it has THE TRUTH. Thus has political lying increased by an incalculable sum, and we cannot follow any news without a highly partisan splitting headache.
Since a really really really popular president is enacting all these really really really popular programs, the question is: When do the Democrats start talking of repealing the Twenty-Second Amendment?
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW:
The richest members of the House of Representatives were not immune from last year's economic meltdown, financial disclosure forms released Wednesday indicate.
The near-collapse of insurance giant American International Group hurt the fortunes of House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, her report shows. Her husband, developer Paul Pelosi, lost between $100,000 and $1 million when he sold AIG shares at the end of the year, the report says.
The California Democrat reported that the couple's net worth is as much as $96 million, down from as much as $144 million in 2007.
Don't you feel sorry for our superiors?
The richest members of the House of Representatives were not immune from last year's economic meltdown, financial disclosure forms released Wednesday indicate.
The near-collapse of insurance giant American International Group hurt the fortunes of House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, her report shows. Her husband, developer Paul Pelosi, lost between $100,000 and $1 million when he sold AIG shares at the end of the year, the report says.
The California Democrat reported that the couple's net worth is as much as $96 million, down from as much as $144 million in 2007.
Don't you feel sorry for our superiors?
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
BARACKMOBILE's new GM division boss:
“He was one of the guys who helped create a new AT&T that wasn’t so dependent on land-line phone service,” said Hall, a former GM engineer.
Did I put that link in there?
(Possibly accidental second link via The Consumerist)
“He was one of the guys who helped create a new AT&T that wasn’t so dependent on land-line phone service,” said Hall, a former GM engineer.
Did I put that link in there?
(Possibly accidental second link via The Consumerist)
ARCHDaily -- THE WORLD'S LEADING ARCH SITE!
Mmmm! Looks like Cool Whip!
Would that thing on the lower right be called a spoon or a ladle?
Mmmm! Looks like Cool Whip!
Would that thing on the lower right be called a spoon or a ladle?
The up-is-down, in-is-out, left-is-right, day-is-night world of the WALL STREET CASINO: Crude is going UPUPUP. That's good. It means WE'RE IN A BULL-MARKET ECONOMY!!!!!!!!!! Strange, though: stocks are going downdowndown today because CRUDE WENT UP TOO MUCH. MORONS.
“I don’t know if it’s true in Dobbs’ case, but sometimes people just tire of acts.”
This is obviously false, and not just because it comes from KEN FELATTA. People aren't tiring of the NO-SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN ZONES. More to the point, the cable TV "news" moguls will never tire of them, and that's why we'll have the fraudulent loudmouths even when their audiences turn to ZERO.
(Via the usual sources)
This is obviously false, and not just because it comes from KEN FELATTA. People aren't tiring of the NO-SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN ZONES. More to the point, the cable TV "news" moguls will never tire of them, and that's why we'll have the fraudulent loudmouths even when their audiences turn to ZERO.
(Via the usual sources)
Another reformer has a suggestion for the news biz:
Spend less time covering the bankers, power brokers, and masters of spin who dominate news, and spend more time in coffee shops and corner stores, bowling alleys and backyards.
But news hacks, many of whom share the power brokers' pay class and self-importance, might find coffee shops, corner stores, bowling alleys and backyards a demotion. Besides, what news would they find there? They might find a vague, inarticulate discontent, but what more? Too much of news happens among the news hacks' friends, which qualifies this little reform as just another platitude.
He also quotes from Jefferson, who stood on both sides regarding the press.
(Via MediaBistro)
Spend less time covering the bankers, power brokers, and masters of spin who dominate news, and spend more time in coffee shops and corner stores, bowling alleys and backyards.
But news hacks, many of whom share the power brokers' pay class and self-importance, might find coffee shops, corner stores, bowling alleys and backyards a demotion. Besides, what news would they find there? They might find a vague, inarticulate discontent, but what more? Too much of news happens among the news hacks' friends, which qualifies this little reform as just another platitude.
He also quotes from Jefferson, who stood on both sides regarding the press.
(Via MediaBistro)
Chrysler Group LLC and Fiat Finalize Global Strategic Alliance; New Chrysler Emerges as a Stronger, More Competitive Global Company
TRANSLATION: PR first.
TRANSLATION: PR first.
YOUR TUITION MONEY GOES TO PAY FOR...kolledges selling HOUSE-BRAND PERFUMES?
Stacey Simeone, a 2008 graduate from Chapel Hill, was a skeptic at first sniff.
"When I first saw it, I thought it was kind of stupid -- they can't make a perfume that would smell like it," she said. "Then I smelled, and then I thought it smelled really good, but it didn't necessarily remind me of Chapel Hill" -- which, to Simeone, smells like "spring."
Asked what her personal recipe for Penn State perfume would be, Silko didn't hesitate for a moment. "Stale beer and nachos," she said.
HYER LURNING in a nutshell.
Stacey Simeone, a 2008 graduate from Chapel Hill, was a skeptic at first sniff.
"When I first saw it, I thought it was kind of stupid -- they can't make a perfume that would smell like it," she said. "Then I smelled, and then I thought it smelled really good, but it didn't necessarily remind me of Chapel Hill" -- which, to Simeone, smells like "spring."
Asked what her personal recipe for Penn State perfume would be, Silko didn't hesitate for a moment. "Stale beer and nachos," she said.
HYER LURNING in a nutshell.
I think I've figured our why all this news of THE RECOVERY!!!!!!!!!! annoys me. I wonder if we deserve one.
Unfortunately it would appear show-biz will not have another strike for awhile. But the labor strife these last few years has helped significantly weaken the biz, and as we never cease saying, bad news for show-biz is good news for the people.
Yapping pundits are making a big thing of SLIME supposedly selling The Weekly Standard. The former home of John "Capo" Carroll has it both ways by saying SLIME has The Wall Street Journals CONSERVATIVE Edition and is growing more "moderate" at the same time, which translates into clueless. Meantime Isaac says in so many words he doesn't like the magazine, and he saves that bit for the end, which makes us ever angry that we have to read so much only to learn the obvious. And no, we're not fond of MR. NEOCON either. He strikes us as...SLIMY.
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
We often make fun of AdAge and the Ranceoids but they're at the forefront of news on our publicity economy. Danica in NASCAR would be one infinite press release, combining the worst of USAOKAY!!!!! and the MESS!!!!!, non-stop selling, non-stop politicizing, righteous blather about women along with equally righteous blather about the poor, uneducated easily led...NASCAR FANS. ADDED BONUS: Another chance to do really rotten business coverage! A hint: this will probably work as well as the TATTOOED MAN's entree into American...football, and money will be lost, but not before the news hacks have another chance to drive us insane.
And speaking of Femail Today, for our lovelorn transients who come here for Sophia, here's another of its Rubensesque models, of whom we cannot complain, except that they lure visitors here for the wrong reasons.
Some people seem to live sheltered lives -- especially those who write press cri-ti-ci-sm. We've got...news for you, Amanda: Huff'n'puff is no worse in the celebrity skin game than "Femail Today" in DailyMail.co.uk. Perhaps Mandy is exercised because people were expecting Huff'n'puff to change the world, instead of merely ruling over it.
It does confirm, however, that there are few reasons for being there, other than to behold a left-wing WALTER WINCHELL!!!!!!!!!! with outside sucke -- investors.
(Via the usual alternarag-mad Romy, who no doubt has never been to DailyMail.co.uk either)
It does confirm, however, that there are few reasons for being there, other than to behold a left-wing WALTER WINCHELL!!!!!!!!!! with outside sucke -- investors.
(Via the usual alternarag-mad Romy, who no doubt has never been to DailyMail.co.uk either)
SUPERNIKKI!!!!!
How 'The Hangover' Got Made (P.S., It's Based On Someone In H'wood)
Which gives us an idea -- Why can't Hollywood do autobiography? It's certainly enamored of itself. Besides, it beats recycling. (Sorry for The Mogul's Friend)
How 'The Hangover' Got Made (P.S., It's Based On Someone In H'wood)
Which gives us an idea -- Why can't Hollywood do autobiography? It's certainly enamored of itself. Besides, it beats recycling. (Sorry for The Mogul's Friend)
Sans Gehry, Arena Will Create Black Hole In Heart Of B'klyn (AHTSJournal link)
Say STARCHITECT! For your next project why not design...a black hole?
Then again, maybe the Nets are lucky -- they won't have dribble to go along with the dribble.
The Paper of Re-CORD's cri-TIC is, needless to say, crushed. This isn't the guy who touted the Tinkertoys for Ground Zero, is it?
Say STARCHITECT! For your next project why not design...a black hole?
Then again, maybe the Nets are lucky -- they won't have dribble to go along with the dribble.
The Paper of Re-CORD's cri-TIC is, needless to say, crushed. This isn't the guy who touted the Tinkertoys for Ground Zero, is it?
Monday, June 08, 2009
Yes, we saw this story, and we can say anyone who insists on making a federal case about our isolated and unfortunate instances of torture now that two Americans are under North Korean control should sit down and SHUT UP.
I hate wasting time on trivia but the few people who pay attention to thea-TAH must be excited that the Branson East Awards' ratings went UP!!!!! They went up because the show attracted a YOUNGER AUDIENCE!!!!!* And here are the HIP! HOT! shows that drew the audience: A British import written by a sixty-something who's specialized in nuisances for supermarkets and making an ass of himself in public, and which conspicuously lost the award for best filler among the book scenes; a 42-year-old show that people could have seen for free; a 51-year-old show devised by two men who are dead, a third who is 79 and a fourth who is 91 in July....
I love the thea-TAH! It THINKS YOUNG!
AND ALL PRODUCED BY HARVEY WHINER! If that isn't a disqualification!
*Up from 1.1 to 1.3 in 18-49! Doesn't that fall within a pretty wide margin of error?
I love the thea-TAH! It THINKS YOUNG!
AND ALL PRODUCED BY HARVEY WHINER! If that isn't a disqualification!
*Up from 1.1 to 1.3 in 18-49! Doesn't that fall within a pretty wide margin of error?
Sell San Quentin prison? Inmates don't want to go
And why should they? They have a nice view -- and besides, it's free.
And why should they? They have a nice view -- and besides, it's free.
That constant spiel about RECORD BOX OFFICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! may be hooey after all.
(Via THR.com)
(Via THR.com)
Guys, it's great that America's Caste City is "TWITTERFIED", but if your government could read its constituents' minds and acted with the alacrity of frozen molasses you might still have a problem.
CBS Cut to Lowest Investment Grade by S&P on Ad Drops
A reminder that to every cloud (in this case automotive bankruptcies) there is a silver lining.
(Also via IWantMedia)
A reminder that to every cloud (in this case automotive bankruptcies) there is a silver lining.
(Also via IWantMedia)
As it turns out, for those who owned Sirius stock when Stern cashed in on his first day, their best move would have been to cash out.
Almost five years later and NOW somebody says it. They weren't saying it then.
P. S. This is a "senior writer" for an AOL site. We'd hate to imagine what a junior writer would be like.
(Via IWantMedia)
Almost five years later and NOW somebody says it. They weren't saying it then.
P. S. This is a "senior writer" for an AOL site. We'd hate to imagine what a junior writer would be like.
(Via IWantMedia)
In an act of insightful brilliance, Perfesser Fish discovers our God in Chief uses the first-person singular a lot. Of course it's okay when you're the New FDR, or Lincoln, or whatever the hacks are selling this week.
Sunday, June 07, 2009
We have written so often about our nation's cultural decay (one reason I find it more difficult than ever to post; I don't want to repeat myself) that when some Daily Kaplan typist declares the death of the cast album we note all the little news hack things that furrow our eyebrows. For instance:
Broadway is not viewed as musically relevant [SIC]
Note the responsibility-waiving passive construction -- but it's not just Branson East, it's our whole damned culture that's irrelevant; tentpoles and "reality" shows and ephemeral downloads...just the names and the technologies say these things will vanish. (We've already mentioned the depressing joke behind the name of Ghostlight Records.) If the material were truly good it would get heard. As for studios -- why not rent Webster Hall? The proprietors need the money. No, Branson East theme parks stink, they stink musically more than for anything else, and the only place these tourist traps should be memorialized is in the warehouses where their flats and props and manuscripts go to collect dust.
(Via AHTSJournal, which must link to such word amalgamations)
Broadway is not viewed as musically relevant [SIC]
Note the responsibility-waiving passive construction -- but it's not just Branson East, it's our whole damned culture that's irrelevant; tentpoles and "reality" shows and ephemeral downloads...just the names and the technologies say these things will vanish. (We've already mentioned the depressing joke behind the name of Ghostlight Records.) If the material were truly good it would get heard. As for studios -- why not rent Webster Hall? The proprietors need the money. No, Branson East theme parks stink, they stink musically more than for anything else, and the only place these tourist traps should be memorialized is in the warehouses where their flats and props and manuscripts go to collect dust.
(Via AHTSJournal, which must link to such word amalgamations)