Posted 5:48 PM by Gene

In DEE-troit:

Health care threatens to swallow city budget

Welp, I guess the SUPER BORE didn't work.

Posted 5:43 PM by Gene

How GLIBERTARIANS spend their time: they DEBATE OVER A COMIC BOOK.

Posted 4:09 PM by Gene

The bad news: People have come out to see a S---- L-- J----.

The good news: The Official NRO Greatest Satirical Movie of All Time Based on the Greatest Satirical Novel of All Time has opened at eleven-fold more screens -- and saw its average decline by two-thirds.

The better news: Another down weekend -- thus far.

Posted 3:41 PM by Gene

The other day we made fun of THE PROFESSOR and his four IDIOTIC ideas on how to "improve" the newspaper biz. We did not think to suggest why they were idiotic, as when a PROFESSOR suggests things they are prima facie idiotic (the PROFESSOR should know that term), but now we think we know why. To take them one by one:

1. He'd get rid of newsprint. Its high (or rather, higher) cost is the chief reason newsbiz profit margins have gone from 30 percent to, oh, 28 percent. Consolidation in the paper biz is to blame. But who's to say newsprint will always stay high? Besides, older readers prefer newsprint. And there's a sizable population that does NOT want computers OR the Web -- and they may not fit the Luddite stereotype. Get rid of newsprint and you may get rid of a good chunk of your audience. This is why I'm not convinced ditching stock tables is such a hot idea, whatever the ephemeral savings.

2. He'd equip the hacks with cameras. Goody! Just what we need -- photogenic newshacks. Isn't it enough to have these clowns scream at each other on the cable nets? Most likely video news stories would be just as vapid as any on TV. Anyone who's used Windows Media Player can attest it's not easy to skim video. And though the costs of bandwidth may be manageable, all these newspaper Web sites with all these videos will have found one LESS way to differ from one another -- and aren't the news hacks lock-steppingly similar as it is?

3. He'd stop insulting readers; and 4. He'd get them involved. These two suggestions are so vague as to be meaningless. L'Affaire Loven suggests that lots of the hacks thrive on insulting their consumers. And how would we peons get involved besides the usual way of writing six-page letters to the editor and screaming at ombudspoops?

No one desires BIGMEDIA change more than I do; alas, they're unreformable, and PROFESSOR's pitiful suggestions are proof enough.

Posted 3:39 PM by Gene

AMERICA GROWS STUPIDER: Seen today: a bicyclist (not young) with one hand on the handlebar and the other on his cell phone.

DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH....

Posted 2:08 PM by Gene

Isn't murder merely the ultimate expression of ME! ME! ME!?

Posted 2:02 PM by Gene

RUN FOR YOUR LIFE:

Streisand May Tour for First Time in Years

(Actually, we shouldn't have posted this because this was already old news. We hate posting old news. But with something delectable as this old news is better than no news.)

Posted 1:43 PM by Gene

Some Hollywood hack belches:

James Gunn on Dealing with the MPAA on Slither: “Well my experience was very good because we didn’t have any problems with them. Eli Roth who is a friend and a great guy gave the MPAA Hostel right before we gave them this movie. And I am eternally grateful because if you watch the actual amount of gore we actually have more gore but because were more surreal we get away with a lot more.”

We should not trust one word out of the MPAA, including prepositions and conjunctions.

OR:

[V]iolence sells, and Hollywood knows parents are not paying attention.

(Via, alas, BRENTCORP)

Posted 12:50 PM by Gene

Dubya's so zealous about teaching to the test he's virtually deep-sixed other subjects, proving his campaign is largely a Dilbert-creation machine.

Posted 12:47 PM by Gene

Ho-hum, another domestic massacre zzzzzzzzzzzzz....

That our nation has its head screwed on backwards about violence is obvious. When will it rescrew it?

Posted 12:00 PM by Gene

And stupidity takes many shapes too -- at the LEAGUE OF NATIONS.

Posted 11:47 AM by Gene

Impeachment Whispers Grow

Come on guys, whisper a little louder: impeach the president. Louder Dems, can't hear you! IMPEACH THE PRESIDENT. Now scream it out like Gov. YAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHH: IMPEACH THE PRESIDENT!!!!!

LOUDER!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 9:28 PM by Gene

What did I say about BUGS?

Posted 8:41 PM by Gene

NRO has scrunched itself into one big furrow over the sins of its reprobate contributor. That a man should choose to copy from a fifth-rate rock ad-blurbist like Tom Moon is damning enough. But we wonder if these are the sins of one reprobate author or of a profession; for not long before we looked up reviews of THE GREATEST SATIRE IN WORLD HISTORY (so NRO believes), and found (among others) these heds:

Film review: A pleasant and vaguely irritating habit

Smooth, but hardly addictive

Kicking Butt

‘Smoking’s’ dark humor will leave you hooked

Cigarette satire never quite lights up

MOVIE REVIEW: "SMOKING" IS A BREATH OF FRESH AIR

Satire, and no butts about it

And so on. And so on and so on. And so on and so on and so on. Which is the worse sin: copying or copying by osmosis? Can we expect the vaguest, minimalist originality from a biz that inflicts us with such relentless unfunny puns and such Xerox-like thinking?

Posted 4:59 PM by Gene

ANOTHER OUTSTANDING USAOKAY!!!!! STORY!!!!! Something like this is extremely grating because with OKAY!!!!! such stories readily devolve into dueling experts, and if the biz had more talent and confidence it could deal with such subjects as it should deal with them -- with bold essays or penetrating satire. Instead we get another variation of that jackass PERFESSER THOMPSON spouting quotes. As for the subject matter, we suspect iPods probably shouldn't be at work; people live in their own Walter Mitty worlds enough these days.

Posted 3:40 PM by Gene

Shhhhhhhhhh, don't tell anyone, GE BANCORP AND REALTY ENTERTAINMENT -- your latest masterwork is a S---- L-- J----.

By the way, does anyone know what that doohickey is on the bottom right-hand corner?

Posted 3:37 PM by Gene

No hope for the CLUNKER BROTHERS:

“These are irreverent, humorous spots,” said Mark Spencer, senior manager of Dodge communications for Chrysler Group. The Caliber driver, he said, is a 25-year-old who watches Dave Chappelle and Jon Stewart on Comedy Central, spends hours a day on the Internet and gaming, and “is essentially tuning us out and turning us off.”

“We don't want to overtly market to them,” Spencer added.

TRANSLATION: We'd rather PUT PEOPLE OUT OF WORK than stop making ads that FLATTER OUR VANITY.

Posted 3:10 PM by Gene

So much for that heroism:

Arizona authorities have filed felony drug charges against two members of a family that was rescued from a snowbound motor home earlier this week.

Warrants were issued in Snowflake, Ariz., for Elbert and Becky Higginbotham on Wednesday, a day after they and four relatives were rescued in a mountainous region of southern Oregon.

The couple are charged with possession of dangerous drugs for sale and possession of drug paraphernalia, court records show. The records show Elbert Higginbotham is also wanted on a charge of misconduct involving weapons.

Posted 2:25 PM by Gene

The awful time of a renowned former TRUTH TELLER:

Howell Raines Gets $3.5 M for Townhouse

How much health insurance for poor workers would that pay for?

(Via the usual Romy)

Posted 2:00 PM by Gene

Randy Quaid, who plays a tough sheep rancher in "Brokeback Mountain," claims he was fleeced [SIC!!!!!] for his work in the movie.

Quaid filed a lawsuit Thursday in Los Angeles County Superior Court alleging the producers got him to work cheap by falsely claiming the movie was "a low-budget, art house film, with no prospect of making any money."

"Yet from day one, defendants fully intended that the film would not be made on a low budget, would be given a worldwide release, and would be supported as the studio picture it always was secretly intended to be," the lawsuit says.

Why am I not surprised?

Hey Randy! I'd say you got SIX-SIGMAED!

Posted 1:53 PM by Gene

Apparently there was a big contretemps over a new WaPost blog we didn't pay attention to (neither the contretemps nor the blog) as such things are the usual sound and fury signifying nothing. Said blogger has now resigned after liberals picked up on plagiarisms and conservatives blasted him for them, and if people unearth this story fifty years from now (if anyone cares, as no one will) they'll be truly stumped by this outbreak of sound and fury signifying nothing. Such, alas, is blogging.

(WaPost link via the Freep)

Posted 12:47 PM by Gene

Second thoughts from those LOVERS of POP CULTURE:

DEAD HUMOR [John Derbyshire]

I used to think Peter Sellers was the funniest man alive. The other day, however, I watched A Shot in the Dark, the 1964 movie that established the Inspector Clouseau character. It really wasn't very funny at all.

We all know, of course, that humor is perishable, and that what made our parents -- or even our younger selves -- laugh can leave us stone faced. There are degrees of perishability, though, and the very best humor can stay funny for decades. I thought Sellers was in that league. Nope. His repertoire was narrower than I'd remembered -- really just two or three funny voices and a couple of facial expressions. It's sad... Though now I don't feel quite so bad at never having found Charlie Chaplin the least bit funny.

Posted at 10:24 AM

----------------------------------------------------------

RE: DEAD HUMOR [Warren Bell]

I often wonder about that, Derb. I think I've written here before about the disaster that is viewing Blazing Saddles at age 42, after having wallowed in its glory at age 13. I think our memories tend to put a rosy glow around things we laugh at, and then in revisiting, the reality destroys the glow. I always cite "Bart the Genius" as one of my favorite Simpsons episodes, primarily because it was the first one I ever saw, and it just blew me away. In watching the DVDs with my kids, I notice that those first few episodes were pretty creaky in places. They didn't really hit their stride for another season or so, but that's not how I remembered it. So how much is the fault of memory, and how much is our own evolution in life? Is Sellers less funny, Derb, or are you?

Posted at 10:46 AM

We won't touch that LAST sentence, WARREN, but we will say this is from the IDIOTS who are always raving YOU-KNOW-WHAT COMEDY SHOWS as THE GREATEST OF ALL TIME.

Posted 11:26 AM by Gene

Somebody named James G. Poulos is MAD because the ad biz is using "[w]ashed-up or passe musicians...sell[ing] ten-second clips of their least favorite songs" instead of the GENIUS rock is capable of.

Really, somebody ought to put a moratorium on BLOGS.

Posted 9:41 AM by Gene

Effete Edelstein ponders THE DEATH OF MOVIES:

Mr. Edelstein says he's concerned about "an increasing absence of public culture." Historically, movies were considered a private experience, but now, he says, "with all sorts of private culture experiences like iPods and computers, going to the movies is one of the more public things you can do. Talking about it with people when the lights come up or afterward in a bar or over coffee ... that's a wonderful thing."

That said, Edelstein admits he has a state-of-the-art 60-inch widescreen TV that he uses to properly view some films sent to him for review.

Ah HA! HE'S KILLING MOVIES TOO!

Posted 9:24 AM by Gene

The co-inventor of live-action Road Runner cartoons blasts the world for liking live-action Road Runner cartoons, only you can be sure he doesn't include HIS live-action Road Runner cartoons.

And Congressleader BABS is there:

"Like Mozart, George Lucas is no ordinary genius," Pelosi said. "He is a magician. He will be remembered as a legend."

Translation: THIS IS A STICK-UP!

(Via ArtsJournal.com)

Posted 8:37 AM by Gene

DIMWIT: Aaron Brown, the man with the funeral-director mien and the Dilbert voice, tells JONNY HAIRSHIRT he wants to be Larry King and Charlie Rose -- AND GOD.

We can think of no man better qualified. Pfffffffffffffffffffft!!!!!

(Via the usual ROMY)

Posted 8:33 AM by Gene

Speaking of Do-No-Evil, what if S&P had done this three months ago?

It's sad to think the stock's meltdown could have been greater.

(Via MediaBistro)

Posted 8:26 AM by Gene

The editors at PEOPLE NEWSRAG may change, but the CONTENTS will always stay the same: dizzy with spin and adamant about selling.

Posted 8:24 AM by Gene

The Do-No-Evil boys help a FRIEND -- we may presume for PLATONIC purposes.

Just because something's LEGAL doesn't make it KOSHER.

Posted 8:03 AM by Gene

"'The Four-Hour Bore'": Had we known it took at least three people to write the music for Tuneless Wagner for Adolescents in Toronto we might have called it a bomb -- and even then we'd heave been reluctant knowing as we do the forces of NEWSHACKDOM and MARKETING. WELL, the ad-blurbists WALLOPED this masterwork, not that it needed help; Mike Riedel tells us word of mouth aided the advance. The problem was these clowns thought they could turn their work into a hit because the movies were a hit. To be sure, it's easier now to part fools from their money with spectacle, so one can see their point of view; what's depressing is, as a hundred years ago, there's nothing but spectacle; they had The Wonderful Wizard of Oz then, and we have The Wonderful Wizard of Oz now, and the music stinks in both -- and worse, the music is doomed to stink forever, unless the same muse who charmed the first half of the last century swoops down from the heavens and invests some people with inspiration, which seems as likely as the theater price-gougers abandoning spectacle.

Posted 5:20 PM by Gene

MOVIE REVIEW OF THE WEEK:

They shaved her freaking armpits. Behold Natalie Portman (yes, her character has a name; do you care?) confronting the deranged anti-hero V after he tortured her as a way of improving her will to power – think Anthony Robbins meets Torquemada. She's been beaten; she's been starved; she's been nearly drowned; her body double was given ice-cold showers; and she's been sleep-deprived (you know this because the brown make-up under her eyes resembles dark circles). Upon realizing that her torment was V's doing, she explodes with rage.

"You cut my hair!" she shrieks, and the audience laughs -- inappropriately, and not for the first time during this movie. But Natalie isn't kidding. As she stands out in the cleansing rain to celebrate the death of fear, she raises her arms in triumph after days if not weeks of brutal, inhumane incarceration -- and check out those pits! Baby smooth.

That's V for Vendetta for you. It's darkly gorgeous, it's effortlessly slick, and at all times, it's three beers away from comedy gold.

I don't think this guy will EVER write for THE CORNER. He didn't like it.

Posted 4:50 PM by Gene

Why is it when I read a story like this on how the financial-services biz is trying to crack down on strip clubs, I don't feel good? Possibly because it's being done for mere PC reasons -- to appease women ACTIVISTS. (We certainly wouldn't expect NEWS HACKS to approve otherwise.) Why can't we come out and say the whole "adult entertainment" racket (as USAOKAY!!!!! must call it) SMELLS -- with its organized crime ties, its sleaze, its woman-abuse, and the flat out fact that, no matter how much money the women make on it, and no matter how much the bigwigs rationalize it, it's a SKANKY trade, often literally.

Posted 3:22 PM by Gene

Molly Ivins smells A RAT:

Returning to the subject of McClatchy-Knight Ridder, Ivins said: "Of course, McClatchy intends to merge the Washington bureaus. GUESS WHICH WASHINGTON BUREAU HAS THE DISTINCTION OF BEING THE ONLY ONE TO REPORT SKEPTICALLY ON THE ADMINISTRATION'S CLAIMS ABOUT IRAQ'S WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION BEFORE THE WAR?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?"

So THAT's it -- DUBYA's behind the CLATCH. He's secretly funneling money so it can buy all these papers and put SKEPTICAL WAR COVERAGE out of business. I've got an idea, Molly -- have the KNIGHTRIDDER WASHINGTON BUREAU INVESTIGATE!!!!!

Pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffft!

Posted 3:16 PM by Gene

THE AMERICAN SOCIETY OF WILLFULLY IGNORANT ADVERTISERS engages in gut-busting semantics: its members now want to pay only for the audiences that WATCH THE ADS. This is hair-splitting with a bald man. They may insist they'd pay only for their air time, but money still being fungible they'd still pay for the surroundings, and if we know the SOCIETY it will pay for AT LEAST as much JUNK TELEVISION as before. We'd expect this kind of tap-dancing curley-Qing figure-eighting nonsense from a LOBBY; the RED-STATE SCORPION would be PROUD.

Posted 2:23 PM by Gene

THE RED-STATE SCORPION, EXPLAINED:

Jack obviously took his Orthodox Jewish faith seriously. He kept kosher. He would not travel on the Sabbath. He deplored profanity and vulgarity.

Jack dropped out of politics for some years to make movies, including at least one which had some worldwide success, an anti-Communist action drama titled Red Scorpion.

Then he returned to political activity and explained he had found that, without major financial resources, he couldn't control his movies' content because the industry inserted into them, against his will, gratuitous profanity and vulgarity. [Emphasis added.]

Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure.

A principled person does not discuss his clients with contempt. A careful person does not send out personally damning emails into the immortal cyberworld. A moral person does not support opposing sides in order to profit from each. An ethical person does not defraud his associates in business. A loyal person does not set up his friends for embarrassment.

Principled, moral, and ethical persons do not work in the Beltway. Careful and loyal people do. (On the latter, ask THE STONE FACE OF ANNOYING TV ADS.)

JACK ABRAMOFF'S FALL FROM GRACE is not unique. Sadly, I know too many examples of people who built good reputations and extensive political networks who changed dramatically and for the worse when they decided to earn their livings through lobbying or political consulting.

A great many people can't resist temptations to increase their income. They hire themselves out to people or causes they would have spurned in the days when they built their reputations by consistent adherence to well-defined political and moral principles. Some sink mighty low.

And those who sink lowest become KINGMAKERS.

Posted 1:34 PM by Gene

For the second time in less than a week, The New York Times today admitted to a serious error in a story. On Saturday it said it had misidentified a man featured in the iconic "hooded inmate" photograph from Abu Ghraib prison in Iraq. Today it discloses that a woman it profiled on March 8 is not, in fact, a victim of Hurricane Katrina--and was arrested for fraud and grand larceny yesterday.

Make -- me LAUGH!

Posted 1:25 PM by Gene

How we suspect this really happened: the TWXSTERS said hey, we probably can't put this episode on our air, so we'll devise a stunt to make it look like our people said we COULDN'T air it, then we'll call a gullible hack like BILL "MENSA MAN" CARTER, and we'll put the thing on our Web site, and VOILA -- INSTANT PUBLICITY!

Didn't you just get through changing the network's name and ownership?

(Via IWantMedia.com)

Posted 1:14 PM by Gene

We have a new stupid name in professional college football: the ALLSTATE BOWL -- in NAWLANS!

Do these clowns REALLY think this is GOOD PR?

(Via Media Daily News)

Posted 12:35 PM by Gene

Reebok is recalling 300,000 children’s charm bracelets because a 4-year-old died from lead poisoning after swallowing a piece of the jewelry, the government said Thursday.

Three guesses where it was made.

Posted 12:12 PM by Gene

From behind BUGMEISTER's cloud, the sun shines:

Vista release delay could be good for New Zealand

Posted 12:07 PM by Gene

That HUNKA writer from THE PAPER OF RE-CORD is at it again:

If the thought of Mr. Bush and Osama bin Laden [link SIC], along with their mothers, engaging in a salad-fork duel at an Olive Garden restaurant to the tune of "America," from "West Side Story," sounds appealing, this show is for you.

It sounds UPROARIOUS!!!!!

Posted 11:36 AM by Gene

Another be-YUtiful building goes up, in Moscow.

We'll call this The TWEEZER.

(Via the usual ArtsJournal.com)

Posted 11:30 AM by Gene

USAOKAY!!!!!'s blurbist EDNA gets down on her knees and begs, "Please please please let music sales be up please please please PRETTY PLEASE!"

P. S. We can spin the results too: four niche genres are up, which means the "music" you love to rave must be way down.

Posted 11:05 AM by Gene

There go those NAZ -- RADICAL RI -- there goes RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! again:

Fox affiliate veep tells journos to wear red, white and blue

Posted 10:29 AM by Gene

Another dull day at the Freep:

BREAKING: HOME SALES UNEXPECTEDLY RISE!!!!!!!!!!

P. S.

Stocks fall after housing data

Maybe the news isn't THAT good.

Posted 10:21 AM by Gene

Meantime, in more hopeful news, a rumpheting thumpheting partisan Democratic billionaire prepares to bid to tell THE TRUTH!

Posted 10:18 AM by Gene

A bunch of Wharton eggheads put their heads in their hands and THINK about the newspaper biz, and one of them brilliantly opines:

Wharton marketing professor Peter S. Fader holds out little hope that people will continue to buy physical newspapers in large numbers in years to come. He likens the Internet's assault on newspapers to the impact that digital downloading of music has had on compact discs: CD's still have appeal but they are no longer the sole, dominant medium they once were. "I still believe that there's a vital role for non-digital content in music," Fader suggests. "There's a lot to be said for owning a CD and putting it on the shelf and holding it in your hand...."

And it's especially nice to plunk it on your turntable and play it!

(Via the inevitable Romy)

Posted 9:30 AM by Gene

A Democratic Party factotum writes a screed while moonlighting as a CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGE, and gets a RESULT:

The article has drawn reactions ranging from a supportive mass e-mailing from MoveOn.org to criticism by the conservative Powerline blog and American Federalist Journal.

We must be doing something -- right.

But an AP spokesman says editors want more of these types of wire stories.

We're DEFINITELY doing something -- right.

Posted 9:11 AM by Gene

We were dimly aware of Tony's knighthood sale but didn't feel compelled to post figuring we've seen it too often before here, and we don't have a peerage. Now that someone's resigned as a result we can say Tony's been in power too long.

Posted 8:57 AM by Gene

Another big fight has started over whether the HACKS are telling the truth in Iraq. I fear when I listen to a Ralph Peters (who's quoted in here) I hear wishful thinking, and perhaps not for a noble cause. But we cannot trust the hacks due to the P-Ulitzer-winning retreat from 'NAM. Who will tell us the truth?

Posted 8:56 AM by Gene

eBay has taken over the Marilyn cult. When it's eBay and a cult it's a fake.

Posted 8:42 AM by Gene

The other day Terry Teachout reran an article he wrote a decade ago in which he briefly effused over all the wonderful new music he heard. We'd like to know where it is. We think we know what it is: an extremely cute and meaningless title (Astronomical Circumference of an Interplanetary Doughnut at Mach VII or something) tied to a carbon copy of the last movement of The Planets without the inspiration and mystery. In other words, indecipherable navel-staring noodling. Now Mr. Teachout wrote this a decade ago, and great new music was bursting out all over then; what happened to it? Surely it didn't take a decade for a Beethoven symphony to reach the masses' ears. If all this new music is so great shouldn't we be swimming in it by now?

Which reminds me of Philthydelphia's only entertainment venue that isn't dark half the year, the TLA music hall. You know a Robert "Over the" Hilburn would gasp at all the great new music being played there. But passing that dingy rock embalmatorium every weekend I find a list of acts with meaningless cutesy-pie names. It may as well be the same list every week. I imagine the noise within. New music in pop, new music in the concert hall -- MILLIONAIRES AND BUMS....

Posted 3:20 PM by Gene

Wonderful:

David Horowitz to Debate Ward Churchill at Academic Freedom Conference

(Via -- where else? -- the Freep)

Posted 3:10 PM by Gene

The same marketers who so pretentiously lost their confidence in TV are rushing to chase the patrons out of the popcorn restaurants, with the same effect in the end, no doubt.

Posted 1:38 PM by Gene

James Freedman, a former Dartmouth president, has died; his chief contribution to HYER EHDYUKAYSHUN was screaming at conservatives.

P. S. Someone on the PAPER OF RE-CORD's staff attended the IVY LEAGUE:

Five years later he helped gather the signatures of more than 300 college presidents in issuing a joint statement calling for "intimidation-free" campuses. The statement grew out of incidents in which Jewish students were reported to have been harassed and intimidated at student rallies protesting the Israeli government's treatment of Palestinians. The statement drew some criticism, however, for focusing only on Jewish students.

Sigggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....

(Via Phi Beta Cons, which doesn't seem QUITE as dorky as THE CORNER)

Posted 1:35 PM by Gene

The new version of Microsoft Windows, called Vista, has slipped again. It was originally going to ship in 2003. Then 2005. Then 2006. Now in early 2007. I'm not surprised, having seen a demo of Microsoft's new programs at an "event" for tech buyers in New York last week.

The new programs are phenomenally complex, with scores of buttons and pull-down menus and myriad connections among various applications. A Microsoft VP zipped through a demo, moving information from Outlook to Powerpoint to Groove to some kind of social networking program that lets you see how your colleagues and your colleagues' colleagues rate various Web sites.

Meanwhile, 500 tech buyers sat there in the dark, their eyes glazing over from the sheer mind-numbing pointlessness of most of this stuff. The audience laughed out loud when the Microsoft guy showed off a kludgey system that lets you fetch Outlook e-mail messages using voice commands from a cell phone.

BUGMEISTER BILL has a TRIUMPH on His hands!

Posted 1:18 PM by Gene

More IDIOCY from THE AMERICAN SOCIETY OF WILLFULLY IGNORANT ADVERTISERS:

MARKETERS LOSE CONFIDENCE IN TV ADVERTISING
78% Say Effectiveness Is Diminishing; Clutter, DVRs to Blame

BUT....

Yet for all of advertisers’ blustering talk about DVRs and the decreased efficacy of TV, there has been little real change. Even today, when Mr. Bernoff asked advertisers via an instant electronic polling system what they believed would be the most promising video advertising vehicle of the future, 22% thought it was regular TV, making it the second most popular choice.

We've said it before, we'll say it again: with FIEFDOMS to defend, HOLLYWOOD TYPES to schmooze and SUBORDINATES to terrorize, these idiots will finance junk television until HELL FREEZES OVER.

P. S. MORONS:

Kaki Hinton, vp, advertising services, Pfizer Consumer Healthcare, and Perianne Grignon, vp, media services, Sears Holding Corp., co-chairs of the ANA TV Advertising Committee, opened the forum with positive words for television.

“TV is alive and well and has never been stronger for advertisers and consumers,” Hinton said. “Contrary to some articles that have been written, television is not a disappearing medium. Nothing could be further from the truth. More people are watching TV than ever before. And TV is working for Pfizer.”

Indeed it's working so well, KAKI, not only did the NFL run away from ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION ADS, the FDA's threatening REGULATIONS! THAT'S EFFECTIVE!

Grignon said TV is also working for Sears, and she singled out Sears’ partnership with ABC on its Extreme Makeover: Home Edition Show. She said research has shown that “after seeing an episode of the show on Sunday night, viewers have a 29 percent greater likelihood to shop at a Sears store on Monday.” Grignon also noted that she is pleased with Sears’ cross-platform sponsorship of Top Chef on Bravo, saying it is “reaching new customers.”

If that's so, they must be GHOSTS.

Posted 9:54 AM by Gene

Professor has four OUTSTANDING ideas for reforming newspapers:

1. He'd get rid of the newsprint;

2. He'd use the money saved by equipping reporters with cameras;

3. He'd stop insulting readers; and

4. He'd get them involved.

I wouldn't abandon my day blog, Professor.

Posted 8:50 AM by Gene

Over the last few months the Dilberts at BusinessWeek have given us examples of allegedly brilliant architecture, most of it springing up in places with too much money. Such as, in China:



How would you like to be in the part of the building suspended off the ground? Hope Beijing doesn't get too many earthquakes.



HELLLLLLP!!!!! I'm tied to the ground and I can't get up!!!!!

(They're playing the GE BANCORP AND REALTY GAMES here. A superb sporting event deserves superb facilities.)



The Creature from the Black Lagoon.

AND, in Dubai:



A worm laying eggs;



The world's biggest domed amoeba;



The world's biggest high-tech vegetable chopper, or guillotine.

Can't BizWeek stick to bizness?

Posted 8:45 AM by Gene

EKSULLENT NYOOZ INN EHDYUKAYSHUN:

Fla. to Link Teacher Pay To Students' Test Scores

So -- we teach to the test and pay to the test!

Will the students learn anything?

Posted 7:56 PM by Gene

This is an incredible story. It's hard to believe there are "remote, snowy sections" anywhere in the Lower 48. But then in America it's always been easy to get lost. Happily people can be found, too.

Posted 7:37 PM by Gene

Bugmeister Bill has seen the future, and the future has...BUGS!

Posted 5:15 PM by Gene

The fool Podman links to a 1969 video clip from The Hollywood Palace starring Der Bingle and other "big" names singing a ghastly medley of Beatles tunes -- it's not even something you can laugh at Golden Throats style -- and alas I can see why the rep of Gonzaga's heretofore most famous alumnus may never fully recover from the shellackings Gary- and self-inflicted: he does not lip-sync gracefully, he gestures inanely and grimaces painfully and is the definitive 100-percent SQUARE. The whole clip shows the fatal problem with the sainted variety shows of yore: they were almost designed to be corny. We can expect Engelbert Humperdinck to impersonate John Davidson doing a musical game show, or Dick Shawn to look like a singing Senator. But we are told of how très charmante Gwen Verdon was, and she must have been to play a whore with a heart, and here she is très charmanteless, a singing, dancing hairdresser showing off her eyelashes. The real "find" is Bobbie Gentry, whom I mistook for Bing's second wife Kathryn -- she could NOT sing. Really though you can't put it out of your mind how Bing flashes his teeth like dentures. Bob Barker with a voice couldn't have done it better.

Indeed the more I think of it the angrier I get because this sort of senile dementia in song helped destroy pop music, as it painted those who stood for the old verities as COMPLETE IDIOTS, thus allowing scorched-earth acts to denude the ground forever.

(NRO and Crosby date links updated 10/7/07)

Posted 5:04 PM by Gene

The inventor of the RENDELLMINIUM, the RENDELLTORIUM and the RENDELI DOES IT AGAIN:

Governor Rendell Says PA Enjoyed Record-Breaking Gains with Groundhog Day Promotions

Posted 2:59 PM by Gene

REPUBLICANS WILL LOSE THE SENATE AND THE HOUSE!!! AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGHHHH!!!!!

Can't say you CLOWNS didn't deserve it. But THEN the LAUGHTER begins.

Posted 2:45 PM by Gene

A GanNETtoid has a CONNIPTION:

I’m tired of hearing radical columnists like you besmirch the good men and women who struggle daily to put out the very best newspaper they can!!!

ONCE AGAIN YOU’VE TROTTED OUT THAT STALE CLICHE THAT NEWSPAPERS LIKE MINE ARE UNDERMINED BY WHAT YOU CLAIM IS A LIBERAL BIAS!!!!!

I KNOW I CAN’T CHANGE YOUR MIND. BUT I’LL BE DOGGONE IF I’M GOING TO LET YOUR SLANDER OF MY COLLEAGUES GO UNCHALLENGED ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!

Since you're a GanNETtoid and work for the HOUSE THAT SOB BUILT, and since you're a PUBLISHER, shouldn't you be working on selling ads and building circulation and doing things that help your paper, rather than throwing a tantrum in public?

One thing's clear; if colleges and foundations ran papers we'd never again have to worry about bias; but then being owned by a stable profitable company like SOB's effects the same thing.

(Via GREG's House of TRUTH)

Posted 2:13 PM by Gene

More great news from the ALITERATURE BIZ:

1. The ERIC SEVAREID OF COMEDY is "writing" a "book" (will he use more writers than the EDWARD R. MURROW OF COMEDY?); and

2. T. O. is "writing" a "book" -- his second.

Aren't you glad to live in an AGE of ARTISTIC GENIUS?

Posted 10:26 AM by Gene

And in more -- East Asian news:

Wal-Mart to hire 150,000 in China

A reward for a job WELL DONE!

Posted 10:23 AM by Gene

Charming: Russia and China have signed a gas deal!

Do I smell an AXIS in our future?

Posted 10:18 AM by Gene

AmSpec gets the word that Conrad Burns, America's second stupidest senator after George "M for MOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Voinovich, may drop out of his race, which could raise the national IQ a bit.

At 10:32 A. M.!

Posted 10:16 AM by Gene

We think we know where Dub got the word "kerfuffle" -- from Papa, whose presidency was a kerfuffle.

Like father....

Posted 10:03 AM by Gene

The Man Who Knew Too Little and Wrote Too Much

JONNY HAIRSHIRT HAS ARRIVED!

But isn't upholding the CW a good thing?

(Via MediaBistro and the usual Romy)

Posted 10:00 AM by Gene

Another indiginity for MBAs:

A Master of Business Administration degree is not only worthless, it can work against a marketer, according to a survey of marketing executives from 32 consumer-products companies by consulting firm Ken Coogan & Partners.

The study found that marketing executives from underperforming companies were twice as likely to have been recruited out of M.B.A. programs than marketing executives from out-performing companies.

The study used scanner and panel data from VNU’s ACNielsen to show marketers from companies with significant market-share gains are far less likely to have M.B.A.s than those from companies posting significant share losses.

I've got the solution, big businessmen: MORE MBAs!

Posted 8:43 AM by Gene

We can guess the next big thing in the news biz: college ownership. The perfect match: PC groveling and PC groveling.

Can the hacks report on ANYTHING forthrightly? Let's go down the list: Show-biz? No, they're sponsors. Real estate? No, Real-TORS® are sponsors. Autos? No, auto dealers are sponsors. Sports? No, they're profit centers. (But they sure do put on quite an act pretending.) Liberals? No, they're right. Education? No, we send our kids to private schools. Crime? Ha! We live in gated suburban communities. Work? We prop our feet on a desk for a living. That leaves three things: government (on which we can always project our failings), conservatives and Republicans -- and they report on the last two not so much forthrightly as forthLEFTly. Thus it has been for decades, and thus it shall be for decades still.

Posted 8:38 AM by Gene

We'd bet these last few days SUMNER's been on the phone a LOT with Tom and the Hubbardians, calming them down. (Especially with Tom, star of His upcoming TENTPOLE.) Two years ago the ZILLIONAIRE JACKASS was sticking the middle finger in the viewers' eyes, using Ms. Boob as His proxy; today He's hiding under His desk hoping L. Ron's god doesn't nuke Him. SUMNER is the ne plus ultra of big businessmen, exhibiting their two chief characteristics: VENALITY and COWARDICE.

When SUMNER dies -- IF SUMNER dies -- the idiot hacks will give him a MONTH-LONG PERIOD OF MOURNING.

Posted 8:34 AM by Gene

I suspect a lot of scribblers are praising the job Commish did. Maybe it's because he was a strong man, and a strong man's what's needed to pull BIGMEDIA out of the slough of despond. Aren't they forgetting all the things they've said about the boring product, and about parody -- PARITY? I would say you can't have it both ways, but as I've said before, when you're a NEWS HACK, you CAN.

We may also guess given their comfortable game seating that not ONE scribbler has EVER asked a tough question of Commish.

Posted 6:50 PM by Gene

Columbia University has received a record $200 million from the widow of a distinguished graduate that will be used to establish a center devoted to the study of the brain, school officials announced Monday.

Given that Columbia's one of America's most PC colleges we wonder if it will help.

We remember too that years ago Hahvahd Mutual Fund received a huge bequest for a "center" to study the brain. The bequestor: the largely forgotten LEONARD GOLDENSON, the man who dumbed down millions founding and running the takeover bait once called ABC. Really we're not sure we appreciate it.

Posted 3:51 PM by Gene

When we saw this on Yahoo! News, THE defining CW news outpost of the Web...

Mother Teresa Statue Creates Friction

...we expected the worst: red-state-blue-state-separation-of-church-and-stateblahblahblah. But when we read it...

TIRANA, Albania - Albania's largest Muslim group said Monday that placing a bust of Mother Teresa in a northern city would not damage religious harmony, rejecting claims from smaller Muslim associations.

...well, we thought, maybe there's a little hope after all.

Posted 2:39 PM by Gene

Jonny Alter scratches his head and elicits this wisdom from a leader of his party:

"Voters used to choose their representatives; now representatives choose their voters."

Well, that makes shaking down lobbyists easier. And with gerrymandering winning enough seats to win control of the House is like "picking a lock." Why this should worry a Congressman is beyond me; they're adept at petty crime too.

Posted 1:30 PM by Gene

Paul Tagliafool's retiring!

Who's the next man who'll successfully shake down taxpayers while emitting a mediocre product?

Posted 12:33 PM by Gene

Dell to double its staff in India by 2009

TRANSLATION: Dell to make its customer "service" even WORSE!

BUY H-P!

Posted 12:24 PM by Gene

Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....

RUMSFELD IS RESIGNING? [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

At least one specialty newsroom in the D.C. area is buzzing right now....

File it under unconfirmed rumor. Maybe even wishful newsroom thinking?

UPDATE: The president is giving a lunchtime three-years-later speech in Cleveland. If anyone in the administration can help it, I can't imagine Rumsfeld resigning today.

Posted at 11:21 AM

Really, some "bloggers" should stay in their cages.

P. S. We note JONAH is attending a bachelor party, which is odd since we rather thought his whole life was a bachelor party.

Posted 12:15 PM by Gene

I guess this means we're praying (or rather, since media types ARE Gods, we're please-pretty-pleasing) that The Man of Steel™ allows us to be proud of condescending to the public again, and put out all sorts of junky properties that will let us revel in our MENSA IQs, and STICK IT to the public. But GE BANCORP & REALTY ENTERTAINMENT shows that even with deep-pocketed Six Sigma you may not necessarily make big money anymore on CGI-filled tentpoles, and their act was even older than Superman®.

There are also signs, faint though they may be, that the public is growing up.

Posted 11:52 AM by Gene

On first blush having a timer supplement a pedestrian-crossing signal is a good thing; we just hope kids and other...STUPIDS don't play tricks, like last-second slam-dunks.

Posted 8:51 AM by Gene

Economists fantasizing:

In a 2002 paper written for the Federal Reserve Bank of Philadelphia, for instance, economists Gerald Carlino and N. Edward Coulson found that people are willing to accept a 2 percent decrease in wages-and an 8 percent increase in rents-to have a National Football League team in their city.

NO TAXATION WITHOUT REPRESENTATION!

(Via ArtsJournal.com)

Posted 8:44 AM by Gene

Well, to her credit, Arianna has apologized for devising a blog post for Rosie's Nephew. But if the antics of the SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS show anything, it's that they think themselves above the same standards they're hold for MMMMMMMMMMSSSSSSSSSSMMMMMMMMMM. They should get in exactly the same trouble when they ignore them.

(Via the usual ROMY)

Posted 8:37 AM by Gene

Perhaps a reason the characters always yakk in feature cartoons these days is that your fellow ad-blurbists are always raving them for their EDGY HUMOR -- and part of the gag is the NON-STOP YAKKING.

Posted 5:40 PM by Gene

The last decade or so has been ruinous to our nation's psyche. First Slick erased our sense of shame; now, with his torpor sweeping America (except on matters of secrecy and preserving his job), Dubya has imbued us with a sense of total weary cynical apathy. It's not as if we don't care, entirely. We sue -- but only to get ours. But doesn't anyone care for his reputation anymore? Or are we that torpid, able to preserve whatever pride we have only through the invidious notion of MARKETING?

I was reminded again of how so much of America doesn't give a damn just now. It was a little thing I've mentioned before, but we're surrounded by these little things. At RONG AID and other chain stores when you buy Chef Boy-ar-dee's fake pasta it's listed on the register tape as "CBAD." The chain stores don't care; look who staffs them. Nor it appears does the manufacturer, CONAgra Foods. The once agricultural supplier decided (no doubt under some tyrant's "leadership") to become a jack-of-all-trades in the supermarket buying all sorts of spin-offs and second-string brands, and now it's paying for it; its sales have tanked, it's sold large chunks of its business and just reduced its dividend. I'd bet "CBAD" originates at CONAgra. Why should it care? Why should anyone care? How can we go on with that kind of torpid attitude?

Posted 5:07 PM by Gene

The next time a hack like Richard "GUNS CAUSED COLUMBINE" Corliss or any other ad-blurb writer gets glib about violence:

Steve Cobenais takes a physical agility test to confirm that he can be classified as "special ed." Steve has no recollection of the shooting. He has lost part of his brain and suffers from epileptic seizures. [A photo caption]

There was a massacre at a high-school a year ago today.

Posted 4:45 PM by Gene

Yahoo! UK & Ireland speaks a foreign tongue:

Californian band Orson ousted former stripper and talent show contestant Chico from the top of the British charts on Sunday with their single "No Tomorrow", the Official UK Charts company said.

Chico Slimani, a one-time exotic dancer who found fame after appearing on ITV's "X Factor", was knocked off the number one spot after two weeks at the top with his "It's Chico Time".

Shooting up to number three, from number 16 last week, was the Black Eyed Peas' fast-moving single "Pump It".

Down one place to four was all-girl band Pussycat Dolls and their song "Beep" featuring Will I Am.

Number five saw soul singer Corinne Bailey Rae holding steady with "Put Your Records On", while Girls Aloud stormed into the top 10 with their latest single "Whole Lotta History" which jumped to number six from 80.

Slipping three places to seven was the Sugababes' "Red Dress" while Kanye West dropped two positions with "Touch The Sky", which features Lupe Fiasco.

Former number one "Sorry" by Madonna was at nine and rounding off the top 10 was "Thunder In My Heart Again," a dance remix by DJ Meck of Leo Sayers' 1977 hit.

What did I say about Thomas Jefferson?

Posted 4:40 PM by Gene

Another FORBES.COM quote:

I like the dreams of the future better than the histry [SIC] of the past."
--Thomas Jefferson

He wrote this to John Adams in 1816. Both men died on July 4, 1826.

Posted 4:39 PM by Gene

Nice to know AHT is interfering with aviation around Miami.

Posted 1:32 PM by Gene

Between this and this, I see an awful lot of Congressional screw-you.

Posted 1:01 PM by Gene

B. O. down ELEVEN PERCENT from 2005!

Keep it going!

Unfortunately K-LO and JONAH and PODMAN will be INSUFFERABLE this week (or rather, more so than usual) as BILL BUCKLEYSON'S PIC did LANDOFFICE BIZ!!!!! (In five theaters.)

Meaning it will be forgotten in two months, unless WALTER "THE SPYWARE COWBOY" WINCHELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! can discern a gay angle.

Posted 11:47 AM by Gene

The StinkyInky, scorned by THE CLATCH, begs for a foundation to buy it. Then it could be a "PUBLIC TRUST", meaning the same old overpaid hermetically sealed tantrum throwers would throw the same old tantrums against conservatives and Republicans -- and feel good about it, knowing their jobs are impervious.

Pffffffffffffffffffft!

Posted 10:41 AM by Gene

Arbitrary, capricious, G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE -- the words seem to go together.

A SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGER recently reported what he imagined was LATE-BREAKING NEWS by documenting recent troubles with Blogger. This wouldn't be news if my blog didn't have a daily audience of TWELVE.

Posted 10:08 AM by Gene

“If you are looking for a message to take back to the House and the Senate or White House, there are better ways to go about it.”

Aw, go ahead Democrats -- IMPEACH BUSH!!!!!

I think the fact that RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spends so much time on this proves rather conclusively he is NOT a conservative.

Posted 9:55 AM by Gene

David Brinkleyson is EXCITED because he's found a "CONSERVATIVE" he LIKES -- one who says DUBYA is instigating an OIL-BASED THEOCRACY!!!!!

That's the problem with cranks -- even when (or if) they have valid things to say we don't hear them, because they're cranks and they're praised by perfessers solely for affirming their OWN politics.

Posted 9:47 AM by Gene

Aw come on, guys! Covers about Freud and all the gadgets kids carry around? You can do better than that! We want to be insulted!

And yes, Mr. Mark, we've been warned. We WARN ourselves every Sunday as we gird ourselves for your latest public-belittling antics.