THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
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Saturday, January 15, 2005
I would prefer not hearing these stories too. Someone tells the PROS to write; someone tells the CONS to write. It's just DUELING MEGALOMANIACS and their pawns (in this case, no doubt, PATRIOTIC GORE and THE GREATEST ENTERTAINER OF ALL TIME pulled the strings on their STUPIDS), and neither side represents the public. The public? Well, it doesn't count, as usual.
Tonight I listened to the superb product of (astonishing) the only commercial recording sessions involving Pops and the Duke, and halfway through the first disc I remembered that on my usual walk down South Street this afternoon someone at THE CHEAP CHANNEL-AFFILIATED DEN of NO-TALENTS posted a sign promoting A CHEAP CHANNEL PRODUCTION IN MARCH STARRING MS. LIP-SYNC, and I thought of how the ad-blurb copywriters for OUR VERY TRUSTWORTHY PAPERS will put the best POSSIBLE face on her "singing" (which may already have been recorded), and I thought to myself, why do we put up with such nonsense? Dolts like ASH-lee should be flipping burgers -- not flipping the public the bird. I HATE THIS AGE!
And how much more electronically-simulated music will ASH-lee's handlers produce? More, I fear, than Pops and the Duke recorded together.
Or as THE BOSS'S SON would say, in proud imitation of his father, "I DON'T CARE IF IT'S MUSIC SO LONG AS IT'S MONEY!!!!!"
And how much more electronically-simulated music will ASH-lee's handlers produce? More, I fear, than Pops and the Duke recorded together.
Or as THE BOSS'S SON would say, in proud imitation of his father, "I DON'T CARE IF IT'S MUSIC SO LONG AS IT'S MONEY!!!!!"
A USAOKAY!!!!!!!!!! NEUHARTHIAN and ad-blurb copywriter says many, many, MANY very, very, VERY GOOD MOVIES came along "to save a mostly lackluster year"!!!!!
I smell a NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK coming on!
I smell a NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK coming on!
BLOGGERS OF THE MILLENNIUM! SHAKE HANDS WITH THE GREAT STONE FACE OF ANNOYING TV ADS!
THAT'll take care of NASTY NICK!!!!!
THAT'll take care of NASTY NICK!!!!!
TV Land will premiere Chasing Farrah, an original reality series that follows iconic Hollywood actress and sex symbol, Farrah Fawcett, as she goes about her daily life as one of the most recognized stars in the history of celebrity at 10 P.M. on Wednesday, March 23, 2005 [SIC]. The six-episode series will give viewers a rare glimpse into what her life is like in and out of the spotlight.
Oh, NO! ANOTHER TV SHOW ABOUT ANOTHER AIRHEAD!!!!!
P. S. THE SLUT is a YOUNG airhead.
Oh, NO! ANOTHER TV SHOW ABOUT ANOTHER AIRHEAD!!!!!
P. S. THE SLUT is a YOUNG airhead.
A big-time truth-telling paper learns that siccing UNBIASED knee-jerk left-wing writers on its departing band of readers may not be the way to go.
How else to explain this one?
How else to explain this one?
Another J'ACCUSE!!!!! The RIGHT-WING British paper THE GUARDIAN says we ALL BUT DESTROYED the ANCIENT CITY OF BABYLON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Does anybody remember that MUSEUM? News hacks did. They went at it for MONTHS ABOUT THEIR @#$%&* ARTIFACTS. It was A CRIME AGAINST HUMANITY, A CRIME AGAINST THE UNIVERSE. Then they stopped remembering, as NEWS HACKS WILL WHEN A STORY NO LONGER SERVES THEIR PURPOSES. We can be sure we did damage to that museum, and to Babylon; but this is WAR, and soldiers MAY NOT BE TRAINED MUSEUM CURATORS.
THE RATHERING CONTINUES.
Does anybody remember that MUSEUM? News hacks did. They went at it for MONTHS ABOUT THEIR @#$%&* ARTIFACTS. It was A CRIME AGAINST HUMANITY, A CRIME AGAINST THE UNIVERSE. Then they stopped remembering, as NEWS HACKS WILL WHEN A STORY NO LONGER SERVES THEIR PURPOSES. We can be sure we did damage to that museum, and to Babylon; but this is WAR, and soldiers MAY NOT BE TRAINED MUSEUM CURATORS.
THE RATHERING CONTINUES.
Unlike the families of service members, the families of contractors have not had years to steel themselves for the possibility of death in combat. Their loved ones don't carry rifles or fire heavy machine guns. They are civilians going about their jobs, and each sudden, violent death is shocking, no matter how many contractors are killed in the chaos of Iraq.
Which means they didn't die without doing noble work for their country, nor that they died in vain; they just don't get snappy salutes and platitudes.
Which means they didn't die without doing noble work for their country, nor that they died in vain; they just don't get snappy salutes and platitudes.
Friday, January 14, 2005
The FDA puts a roadblock before the next big thing in health: SELF-PRESCRIPTION.
Yep, they could smell the lawsuits.
Yep, they could smell the lawsuits.
Meanwhile over in SIXSIGMALAND, GE BANCORP ENTERTAINMENT has signed another expensive product placement deal with a gullible carmaker. ANOTHER?
VW takes the place of Toyota, which ended a similar three-year promotional partnership with NBC Universal last year, and Dodge before that.
Seems to me years ago Chryslers were the official automobiles of Universal's TV shows. Cheesy cars on cheesy shows. That REALLY helped ITS rep.
VW takes the place of Toyota, which ended a similar three-year promotional partnership with NBC Universal last year, and Dodge before that.
Seems to me years ago Chryslers were the official automobiles of Universal's TV shows. Cheesy cars on cheesy shows. That REALLY helped ITS rep.
Somebody did A SURVEY ON SEARCH ENGINES, AND...
The survey found that users did not have a lot of loyalty to a particular search engine. Although 75 percent of those questioned said they had a favorite search engine, half of them say they will move on to a second search engine if they don't find the information they are looking for at the first site.
GOOGLE WORTH MORE THAN THE CLUNKER BROTHERS?????
The survey found that users did not have a lot of loyalty to a particular search engine. Although 75 percent of those questioned said they had a favorite search engine, half of them say they will move on to a second search engine if they don't find the information they are looking for at the first site.
GOOGLE WORTH MORE THAN THE CLUNKER BROTHERS?????
Kerry tries to improve U.S.-France ties
VVVELL, eet ees une naturelle -- he speaks FRRRRRRRRRRENCH!!!!!
Has his WIFE spoken lately?
Then maybe he didn't have to. "HEY JACKIE BABY HOW'S IT GOIN'?"
VVVELL, eet ees une naturelle -- he speaks FRRRRRRRRRRENCH!!!!!
Has his WIFE spoken lately?
Then maybe he didn't have to. "HEY JACKIE BABY HOW'S IT GOIN'?"
Is the red carpet big enough for Star Jones Reynolds and Joan and Melissa Rivers?
Yes -- in a WWE ring.
Yes -- in a WWE ring.
Nine posts so far -- ZERO HITS. Anybody out there?????
WRONG WRONG WRONG. "Enlarging the House to around 1,300 members" sounds good in theory, but think of the practice: more buildings to house more Congresspoops, more staffers to serve more Congresspoops, more committees to appease more Congresspoops, more LOBBYISTS to cater to more Congresspoops, votes going on for hours, even more endless speechifying. Besides, democracy ceased belonging to thuh peepul when THE PRINT BARONS and THE ENTERTAINMENT MOGULS ARRIVED.
I can see why The Osama Channel would hushhush its new D.C. digs, all the better for DIRTY WORK.
Remember the name: PENINSULA PRODUCTIONS!
Remember the name: PENINSULA PRODUCTIONS!
Prediction: India, China will be economic giants
That sounds about right: China will make all the products and India will have all the service jobs. Who needs us?
Caveat: this incantation comes from a thunk tank deep within the bowels of the CIA, which has lately had trouble predicting if the sun will rise.
That sounds about right: China will make all the products and India will have all the service jobs. Who needs us?
Caveat: this incantation comes from a thunk tank deep within the bowels of the CIA, which has lately had trouble predicting if the sun will rise.
It's that old bugbear anecdotal reporting, but a lot of people out there want to make computing impossible -- and some of them seem to be sponsored by CORPORATE AMERICA.
The solution? Another piece of -- legislation. Sure. Just like the legislation that stopped SPAM.
P. S. Why don't you get rid of YOUR popups, OMERTA?
The solution? Another piece of -- legislation. Sure. Just like the legislation that stopped SPAM.
P. S. Why don't you get rid of YOUR popups, OMERTA?
Here's an early Monitor prediction for the year in film: 2005 will be dominated by characters wearing masks.
Are they that ashamed?
Are they that ashamed?
Thursday, January 13, 2005
A pair of senior citizens arrested for telling lawyer jokes at a Long Island courthouse have a new attorney who shares their sense of humor: Ron Kuby.
Kuby, the radical lawyer and morning radio show host, volunteered on the air Thursday morning to handle the case of Harvey Kash and Carl Lanzisera without charge. The pair, in a phone call to WABC-AM radio during the Curtis and Kuby show, accepted his offer.
WELL, not EVERY lawyer is STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPID.
Kuby, the radical lawyer and morning radio show host, volunteered on the air Thursday morning to handle the case of Harvey Kash and Carl Lanzisera without charge. The pair, in a phone call to WABC-AM radio during the Curtis and Kuby show, accepted his offer.
WELL, not EVERY lawyer is STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPID.
In compiling more FANTASY-league numbers about sports franchises' worth LITTLE MALCOLM admits SUPER BORE winners may not make that much.
THANK YOUR SUGAR DADDIES ON MADAVE FOR YOUR MARGINS!
THANK YOUR SUGAR DADDIES ON MADAVE FOR YOUR MARGINS!
Then again, if COZ keeps it up we can hope. On the other hand, he's old enough to be a [C]RAP fan's grandfather, and what HIP KID views his grandparents as anything more than lovable eccentrics?
Give 'em hell anyway, COZ.
Give 'em hell anyway, COZ.
I have said before an age that lives by highlight reels won't live. MJ may be the greatest of hoopsters, but in the essentials, he's a cipher, a man without a personality, the most uninteresting human being ever to be a sports superstar. Calling him "enigmatic" doesn't make him more interesting. Calling him "corporate" will not disguise that he'll no doubt have middling business success, like other sports "LEGENDS."
And we need 1,111 WORDS from a contributor to the Boston Globe, Esquire and NPR (if that isn't the literary equivalent of BUUUUUUUUUURP) to tell us that?
And we need 1,111 WORDS from a contributor to the Boston Globe, Esquire and NPR (if that isn't the literary equivalent of BUUUUUUUUUURP) to tell us that?
I'd have mentioned this yesterday, but the FREDDIE THE FREELOADERS OF MOUNTAIN VIEW wouldn't let me; happily NRO gives me an excuse. To wit: stories like this are wearisome. Essence's readers and [C]RAP fans are two different audiences. And even if we buy the argument that this is parents speaking to children, we know all too well that RUPERT!!!!!!!!!! and SUMNER and the membership of THE RECORDED-MUSIC CONSPIRACY are kids' true parents now. Moreover it's too easy for news hacks to get into THEIR GLIBERAL MODE and CHORTLECHORTLECHORTLE about PRUDES. (Never mind most blacks aren't REPUBLICANS.) And as I said yesterday, reform is impossible in a business that is plaintiff, defendant, prosecutor, defense attorney, judge and jury in one. I am very sympathetic to Essence's cause -- not least because [C]RAP is unmitigated JUNK -- but I have no illusions this will succeed, for SUCCESS IN SHOW-BIZ IS ALWAYS MEASURED BY DOLLAR SIGNS, and PARENTS AREN'T CONTROLLING THEM.
In a city that has honored its history by blowing it up....
Unfortunately, due to people with names like BUGSY, and some of BLUE'S PALS, Vegas has a history worth blowing up.
Unfortunately, due to people with names like BUGSY, and some of BLUE'S PALS, Vegas has a history worth blowing up.
My hat's off to G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLEBLOGGER again -- thanks to its SUPERLATIVE TECHNOLOGY I couldn't access it from the office! A $50,000-A-SHARE THANK YOU!!!!!
And speaking of cult, a member of the deadly cult of THOMPSONISM writes a book about MARILYN, and extrudes this spaghetti-like mess of a paragraph:
In fact, Marilyn Monroe's dead body metaphorically transforms womb into tomb, which is the conventional representation of the spinster. The woman who promised plenitude has proved to be barren; her redemptive femininity has not, in fact, brought us deliverance, but her death. The apocrypha explains Marilyn's death through variations on the theme of spinsterhood, the woman alone who might as well die. The spinster is nothingness: barren, alone, the solitary female is supposed to kill herself, registering her nullity through the only means left to her, her futile, abortive body. The spinster is the dead, negative flipside of the Virgin, and she is associated with a failure of home, a failure of fertility, with emptiness and with death. Unmarried, childless, a professional success, she will still be branded a personal failure. The prospect of the most desirable woman in the world becoming a spinster is finally what will kill her. She will die when the men have left the tale. She will die because she was a woman alone on a Saturday night -- a fate worse than death.
I disagree, Mr. Yardley, that MM has lost her appeal; it is highly unlikely that we'll see "thousands of magazines and newspaper stories, sixty full-length biographies, forty-odd bio-pic and documentary films, twenty or so plays, a dozen scholarly articles, at least ten novels, two academic monographs, two musicals, a ballet, an opera and an Elton John song" devoted to JLo. (Although we should never underestimate the perfidy of scholars, "such as they are," excreting reams of what you understatedly call "academic claptrap.") Nonetheless you have provided a new definition for the STUDY of POP CUL-TYURE: an academic charlatanism where "'iconic' seems to pop up in every other paragraph, and 'postmodern' and 'postfeminist' aren't far behind."
In fact, Marilyn Monroe's dead body metaphorically transforms womb into tomb, which is the conventional representation of the spinster. The woman who promised plenitude has proved to be barren; her redemptive femininity has not, in fact, brought us deliverance, but her death. The apocrypha explains Marilyn's death through variations on the theme of spinsterhood, the woman alone who might as well die. The spinster is nothingness: barren, alone, the solitary female is supposed to kill herself, registering her nullity through the only means left to her, her futile, abortive body. The spinster is the dead, negative flipside of the Virgin, and she is associated with a failure of home, a failure of fertility, with emptiness and with death. Unmarried, childless, a professional success, she will still be branded a personal failure. The prospect of the most desirable woman in the world becoming a spinster is finally what will kill her. She will die when the men have left the tale. She will die because she was a woman alone on a Saturday night -- a fate worse than death.
I disagree, Mr. Yardley, that MM has lost her appeal; it is highly unlikely that we'll see "thousands of magazines and newspaper stories, sixty full-length biographies, forty-odd bio-pic and documentary films, twenty or so plays, a dozen scholarly articles, at least ten novels, two academic monographs, two musicals, a ballet, an opera and an Elton John song" devoted to JLo. (Although we should never underestimate the perfidy of scholars, "such as they are," excreting reams of what you understatedly call "academic claptrap.") Nonetheless you have provided a new definition for the STUDY of POP CUL-TYURE: an academic charlatanism where "'iconic' seems to pop up in every other paragraph, and 'postmodern' and 'postfeminist' aren't far behind."
The CULT OF MAC, aghast at the flood of vulgarians invading their sanctuary brandishing IPODS, fears the brotherhood may become -- PLEBEIAN.
Oh please. Isn't it enough that you don't get viruses?
Oh please. Isn't it enough that you don't get viruses?
The Fumblers, Bumblers and Incompetents waste zillions on defective computer software, chapter 25,275 in Why Am I Not Surprised?
(Oh and speaking of not being surprised, thanks for being out of commission last night, G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE! Maybe it was just on my computer, but you AND G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLEBLOGGER were mysteriously beyond my box's reach last night (as, thankfully, was any ad from Doubleclick). Did we hit a new high yesterday?
(Oh and speaking of not being surprised, thanks for being out of commission last night, G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE! Maybe it was just on my computer, but you AND G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLEBLOGGER were mysteriously beyond my box's reach last night (as, thankfully, was any ad from Doubleclick). Did we hit a new high yesterday?
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
GENERAL says our soldiers will start leaving Iraq this year. Thankfully, GENERAL will have left FOGGY BOTTOM long before.
Dan Ackman of Forbes.com says BLATHERGATE "reeks of a show trial." Of course it does -- we knew VIACON would never find COURAGE guilty, and they had to go after SOMEBODY -- but then what VIACON attempted, what the biz often attempts, reeks of SHOW TRIAL JERNALISM. Six of one....
I must say it puts a smile on my face to read that some jock's beautiful girl-toy has earned some trouble for behaving worse than a baby.
By the way, what happens to most Playboy Playmates of the Year?
By the way, what happens to most Playboy Playmates of the Year?
Here's another story that will help the already stellar reputation of LAWYERS:
HEMPSTEAD, N.Y. -- Two men have been arrested for trading lawyer jokes while waiting on line to get into First District Court in Hempstead.
The two men, 69-year-old Harvey Kash, of Bethpage, and 65-year-old Carl Lanzisera, of Huntington, were in court Monday as part of their work with Americans for Legal Reform, a group that monitors how the courts serve the public.
While waiting on a long line to get through into court, they began telling each other lawyer jokes such as, "How do you tell if a lawyer is lying? Answer: his lips are moving."
Well, an attorney within earshot got angry and told court officers that the two men were disturbing the public.
They were handcuffed and charged with disorderly conduct.
The two men said their First Amendment free speech rights were violated.
The men were given desk appearance tickets and are due back in court next month.
FIRST THING WE DO -- oh, never mind.
HEMPSTEAD, N.Y. -- Two men have been arrested for trading lawyer jokes while waiting on line to get into First District Court in Hempstead.
The two men, 69-year-old Harvey Kash, of Bethpage, and 65-year-old Carl Lanzisera, of Huntington, were in court Monday as part of their work with Americans for Legal Reform, a group that monitors how the courts serve the public.
While waiting on a long line to get through into court, they began telling each other lawyer jokes such as, "How do you tell if a lawyer is lying? Answer: his lips are moving."
Well, an attorney within earshot got angry and told court officers that the two men were disturbing the public.
They were handcuffed and charged with disorderly conduct.
The two men said their First Amendment free speech rights were violated.
The men were given desk appearance tickets and are due back in court next month.
FIRST THING WE DO -- oh, never mind.
Harvard Mutual Fund's CEO QUITS -- and takes a good chunk of the office WITH HIM!
This means THE EXECUTIVE SEARCH OF THE CENTURY!!!!!
P. S. The guy's "start[ing] his own investment firm"! Don't they have to sign non-compete agreements or something?
This means THE EXECUTIVE SEARCH OF THE CENTURY!!!!!
P. S. The guy's "start[ing] his own investment firm"! Don't they have to sign non-compete agreements or something?
Boeing develops the flying soda bottle!
What hath God wrought?
But then I guess you have to do something against GOVERNMENT-SUBSIDIZED COMPETITION.
What hath God wrought?
But then I guess you have to do something against GOVERNMENT-SUBSIDIZED COMPETITION.
Frisco -- didn't the once-revered, now forgotten columnist Herb Kane, or Kahn, or Cohen, or whatever his name was, used to say, "DON'T CALL IT FRISCO!!!!!" So we're calling it Frisco -- anyway, Frisco, which lets bagmen sleep anywhere and do anything they want, declares a standard of living for dogs, and to say the Friscans have gone there (i.e., to the dogs) is, as usual, a compliment.
Some "powerful entertainment lawyer" (so THE PAPER OF RE-CORD says) is reviving A Chorus Line, which should tell us whether nostalgia and rave reviews have their limits.
One thing not exactly going for it: the score wasn't written by Jerome Kern. One thing definitely going for it: the Broadway tourist crowd is TONE-DEAF.
One thing not exactly going for it: the score wasn't written by Jerome Kern. One thing definitely going for it: the Broadway tourist crowd is TONE-DEAF.
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
D.C. Examiner chief says WP is hard to read, long-winded
Doesn't Philip realize hard-to-read and long-winded is how you win Pulitzers?
Doesn't Philip realize hard-to-read and long-winded is how you win Pulitzers?
ANOTHER GREAT MADAVE VICTORY:
A federal judge has ruled that advertisements claiming Pfizer's Listerine mouthwash is as effective as flossing are "false and misleading."
Pfizer will deploy about 4,000 of its workers and spend $2 million to replace not only the ads themselves, but to place stickers over the claim on Listerine bottles and to remove similar advertisements that hang on bottlenecks.
And all this money WASTED so some infernal CEO can boast to his infernal friends that he knows THE WHOLE HOLLYWOOD A LIST.
WE DON'T LIKE ADVERTISING AND WE DON'T LIKE THE COMPANIES BEHIND IT.
A federal judge has ruled that advertisements claiming Pfizer's Listerine mouthwash is as effective as flossing are "false and misleading."
Pfizer will deploy about 4,000 of its workers and spend $2 million to replace not only the ads themselves, but to place stickers over the claim on Listerine bottles and to remove similar advertisements that hang on bottlenecks.
And all this money WASTED so some infernal CEO can boast to his infernal friends that he knows THE WHOLE HOLLYWOOD A LIST.
WE DON'T LIKE ADVERTISING AND WE DON'T LIKE THE COMPANIES BEHIND IT.
Parents should not give mobile phones to children age 8 or younger as a precaution against the potential harm of radiation from the devices, the chairman of [Britain's] National Radiological Protection Board said Tuesday.
The way people use cell phones I'd extend that to anyone under 800.
The way people use cell phones I'd extend that to anyone under 800.
I still say that @#$%&* MONTY PYTHON SHOW will be a smash no matter how BAD it is, and this review confirms it may NOT be GENIUS:
"Spamalot" hits and misses for much of its first act [give this man the Clear Writing Award] but ultimately makes it home on sheer comic goodwill. It's nice to be in the hands of comic professionals, and "Spamalot" has a few. I liked it, even when it seemed to be the work of a bunch of highly talented Python fans re-enacting scenes from a cherished film and making up some highly variable songs to go with it.
The question is, can a bunch of highly talented Python fans make a hit? I'd say it's doubtful -- and then I remember Ben "The Greatest Musical in Ages" Brantley.
Yes, I got my last two posts from ArtsJournal.com (one of my top sources).
"Spamalot" hits and misses for much of its first act [give this man the Clear Writing Award] but ultimately makes it home on sheer comic goodwill. It's nice to be in the hands of comic professionals, and "Spamalot" has a few. I liked it, even when it seemed to be the work of a bunch of highly talented Python fans re-enacting scenes from a cherished film and making up some highly variable songs to go with it.
The question is, can a bunch of highly talented Python fans make a hit? I'd say it's doubtful -- and then I remember Ben "The Greatest Musical in Ages" Brantley.
Yes, I got my last two posts from ArtsJournal.com (one of my top sources).
We should have known the Web could provide a solution to MUZAK. Why not let the people choose from whatever music they can get on a jukebox -- and why should choice be limited to restaurants and bars?
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! HE DIDN'T SHOWWUP FOWH OWH AWAWDS!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!
You must know, hack, I mean Jack -- and judging from your column I'd say you don't -- that the People's Choice Awards were chosen this year using SELF-SELECTED INTERNET POLLS, and we all know how reliable THOSE are. And that you should feel SLIGHTED is truly LAUGHABLE, because in feeling SLIGHTED you evidence a GREAT DEAL OF SELF-IMPORTANCE, SELF-IMPORTANCE that is not WORTHY of a LOUSY AWARDS SHOW -- YOURS OR THEIRS -- and while your feeling SLIGHTED may not move the EGO METER like MIKE it still makes it wobble A LITTLE.
You must know, hack, I mean Jack -- and judging from your column I'd say you don't -- that the People's Choice Awards were chosen this year using SELF-SELECTED INTERNET POLLS, and we all know how reliable THOSE are. And that you should feel SLIGHTED is truly LAUGHABLE, because in feeling SLIGHTED you evidence a GREAT DEAL OF SELF-IMPORTANCE, SELF-IMPORTANCE that is not WORTHY of a LOUSY AWARDS SHOW -- YOURS OR THEIRS -- and while your feeling SLIGHTED may not move the EGO METER like MIKE it still makes it wobble A LITTLE.
Shucks, a bunch of PRUDES stopped a SLUT from parading around their SCHOOL.
The Republic's decline proceeds apace, STERNO.
The Republic's decline proceeds apace, STERNO.
The SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGING CW (oh, I forgot, STERNO -- blogs are NEVER CW!) has it that THE PANEL DID AN ABSOLUTELY ROTTEN JOB!!!!! It would have been difficult for it to perform totally without reproach -- it was on VIACON'S PAYROLL. The CW is really upset because DANNO'S HEAD DIDN'T ROLL!!!!! I regard KENNETH as more a fool than a demagogue (though a large measure of both), and even a co-owner of RATHERBIASED.com was willing to cut him some tiny slack. As I said, THE PANEL got to the heart of the matter; it found malfeasance enough in the FREQUENCY BOYS' "MYOPIC ZEAL." But the SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS must remember media reform in any aspect is well nigh impossible because the biz sits as plaintiff, defendant, prosecutor, defense attorney, judge and jury, and it makes too much money from its SUGAR DADDIES IN ADVERTISING ever to reform. VIACON NETWORK NEWS'S INFOMERCIAL ON G000,000,000,000,000,000GLE shows the nonsense will continue anyway (although possibly in a SOFTER vein). Still the outfit has suffered a wounding and permanent loss of credibility. WE SHOULDN'T TRUST BIGMEDIA REGARDLESS.
One of LITTLE's favorite news "sources" "reports":
DEBKAFILE’S MILITARY AND US SOURCES REVEAL: BUSH HAS ORDERED US IRAQ COMMANDER GEN. CASEY TO PREPARE FEBRUARY ATTACK ON SYRIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YEAH.
DEBKAFILE’S MILITARY AND US SOURCES REVEAL: BUSH HAS ORDERED US IRAQ COMMANDER GEN. CASEY TO PREPARE FEBRUARY ATTACK ON SYRIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YEAH.
Hmmm, this sounds interesting (from the Slashdot geeks, of course):
Rei writes "Following in the footsteps of Lynn Conway's pioneering work on VLSI that allowed ordinary students to create their own processors, a group of MIT professors have almost completed doing the same thing using DNA, known as synthetic biology. While not all of the components of a basic computer are working yet, there is hope that some day ordinary students may be able to design living computers, producing everything from novel drugs to seeds that sprout into treehouses."
Do I hear Frankenstein's monster stirring from a treehouse?
Rei writes "Following in the footsteps of Lynn Conway's pioneering work on VLSI that allowed ordinary students to create their own processors, a group of MIT professors have almost completed doing the same thing using DNA, known as synthetic biology. While not all of the components of a basic computer are working yet, there is hope that some day ordinary students may be able to design living computers, producing everything from novel drugs to seeds that sprout into treehouses."
Do I hear Frankenstein's monster stirring from a treehouse?
The wind whistles through the air, and tells the Nine (Eight) Fingers -- to say no to gay adoption!
I like decisions made on conscience.
I like decisions made on conscience.
CHEAP CHANNEL WINS BOTH WAYS! Not only does it get to put STUPID stuff on the air (its specialty), it gets to send an employee to SENSITIVITY TRAINING for doing ITS bidding!
CHEAP CHANNEL -- the ASS ACT of RADIO.
CHEAP CHANNEL -- the ASS ACT of RADIO.
Hmm, the panel that investigated BLATHERGATE "destroyed almost all of the working drafts of the report"!
I smell -- A COVERUP!! BLOGGERS OF THE MILLENNIUM!!!!! LITTLE!!!!!
I smell -- A COVERUP!! BLOGGERS OF THE MILLENNIUM!!!!! LITTLE!!!!!
One of THE GREATEST SERIES IN TV HISTORY is A VEHICLE FOR A PRODUCT PLACEMENT!
But the SENIOR CLUNKER BROTHER said NO MONEY WAS EXCHANGED, so it's still a virgin.
But the SENIOR CLUNKER BROTHER said NO MONEY WAS EXCHANGED, so it's still a virgin.
Let the FUN begin:
Sources: Dean to announce bid for DNC chair
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Sources: Dean to announce bid for DNC chair
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Monday, January 10, 2005
Why people may eventually decide to stop frequenting blogs: Brent huffs, Andy S. screams. I've stopped reading Andy S. because I know what he'll say, and he'll always say it with whiny melodrama, and he's also the sort who thinks mentioning someone like John Derbyshire in the verbal equivalent of CAPS, ITALICS and BOLDFACE damns the man. That Brent is closer to being right here does not make him less of a Babbitt and a RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!toady. (Doesn't that count for something, Andy?) Both guys have day jobs. Why don't they just get to work and stop bothering us?
I'm glad to see one of the BLOGGERS OF THE MILLENNIUM finally arrived -- five hours late. Must have been busy INTERVIEWING. The republic is SAFER for your multi-million-word VIGILANCE!
Pffh-hh-hh!
Meantime little (Thank you! Thank you! I deserve no credit!) has been down all day. Has he finally grown too big for his servers?
Pffh-hh-hh!
Meantime little (Thank you! Thank you! I deserve no credit!) has been down all day. Has he finally grown too big for his servers?
Now that the Miami Dolphins are renaming Pro Player Stadium for themselves because they couldn't find a sponsor, does this mean Corporate America has finally come to its senses?
NOOOOOOOO, not so long as there are CEOs to impress -- and SUBORDINATES TO TERRORIZE.
NOOOOOOOO, not so long as there are CEOs to impress -- and SUBORDINATES TO TERRORIZE.
Abortion Foe Roemer Running for DNC Chief
C'mon now HACKS, on the count of three, one, two, three: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Where are the boos? Have we turned -- pragmatic?
C'mon now HACKS, on the count of three, one, two, three: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Where are the boos? Have we turned -- pragmatic?
One wonders whether VALENTIISM, the practice of taking "responsibility" with your mouth while blithely dumping your excesses on the public, will work anymore. The technogeek business may be about to learn the hard way.
AFTER JAYSON AND BLATHERGATE WE SHOULD NOT TRUST ANYTHING BIGMEDIA DOES -- AND SORRY, BIGMEDIA NOW INCLUDES VIDEOGAMES.
AFTER JAYSON AND BLATHERGATE WE SHOULD NOT TRUST ANYTHING BIGMEDIA DOES -- AND SORRY, BIGMEDIA NOW INCLUDES VIDEOGAMES.
HEY BLOGGERS OF THE MILLENNIUM! YOU "RELIEVED" DANNO! WE'RE GOING ON AN HOUR NOW! ISN'T IT TIME TO BOAST?
It MUST be serious -- THE REPORT IS 234 PAGES (.pdf file).
And it seems the panel DID get to the heart of the matter:
Once questions were raised about the September 8 Segment, the reporting thereafter was mishandled and compounded the damage done. Among the more egregious shortcomings during the Aftermath were:
1. The strident [emphasis added] defense of the September 8 Segment by CBS News without adequately probing whether any of the questions raised had merit;
2. Allowing many of the same individuals who produced and vetted the by-then controversial September 8 Segment to also produce the follow-up news reports defending the Segment;
3. The inaccurate press statements issued by CBS News after the broadcast of the Segment that the source of the documents was “unimpeachable” and that experts had vouched for their authenticity;
4. The misleading stories defending the Segment that aired on the CBS Evening News after September 8 despite strong and multiple indications of serious flaws;
5. The efforts by 60 Minutes Wednesday to find additional document examiners who would vouch for the authenticity of the documents instead of identifying the best examiners available regardless of whether they would support this position; and
6. Preparing news stories that sought to support the Segment, instead of providing accurate and balanced coverage of a raging controversy.
HEY SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS, don't gloat (although we know you will) -- this is a disaster all-around.
And it seems the panel DID get to the heart of the matter:
Once questions were raised about the September 8 Segment, the reporting thereafter was mishandled and compounded the damage done. Among the more egregious shortcomings during the Aftermath were:
1. The strident [emphasis added] defense of the September 8 Segment by CBS News without adequately probing whether any of the questions raised had merit;
2. Allowing many of the same individuals who produced and vetted the by-then controversial September 8 Segment to also produce the follow-up news reports defending the Segment;
3. The inaccurate press statements issued by CBS News after the broadcast of the Segment that the source of the documents was “unimpeachable” and that experts had vouched for their authenticity;
4. The misleading stories defending the Segment that aired on the CBS Evening News after September 8 despite strong and multiple indications of serious flaws;
5. The efforts by 60 Minutes Wednesday to find additional document examiners who would vouch for the authenticity of the documents instead of identifying the best examiners available regardless of whether they would support this position; and
6. Preparing news stories that sought to support the Segment, instead of providing accurate and balanced coverage of a raging controversy.
HEY SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS, don't gloat (although we know you will) -- this is a disaster all-around.
The bad news: GE BANCORP ENTERTAINMENT is making money with REALLY AWFUL MOVIES. The good news: It'll give it out to ADVERTISERS.
U.N. Terror Blacklist Poses Challenge for Interpol
The League of Nations has a blacklist? I thought it only blacklisted Israel and Jews.
The League of Nations has a blacklist? I thought it only blacklisted Israel and Jews.
Well look who's here to help eliminate Is -- to bring PEACE TO THE MIDDLE EAST! The UNIVERSE'S GREATEST EX-PRESIDENT!!!!!
This guy can't win the Nobel Good Intentions and Take That America Award often enough.
TAS: Are the tiny mummies these days a liberal media monolith that is cracking up?
Tom Wolfe: I'm not sure it is dying because they are liberal or not. But readership is declining. Younger people are getting their news from the Internet or television. Most people don't read editorial pages. I think I must have been 40 before I even looked at an editorial page. There was a great story at the New York Herald Tribune. One of the most colorful employees they ever had was a guy name [sic] Lucius Beebe [d. 1966]. He was the pro, he was the guy under fire, great reporter, great writer, fast. So one night something had happened at the very last moment, which exploded the lead editorial, and they had to get somebody to write a new one in 15 minutes. So everyone said, 'Where's Beebe?' So they brought the old pro upstairs with the copy boy right behind him to take the rush copy. Like a pro he turns out that first page in less than a minute and hands it to the copy boy. And one of the copy editors comes in and says, 'What the hell is this, Beebe?' It was the word 'nevertheless' repeated 80 some times. Beebe said, 'Well, that's all your editorials ever say anyways.'
Someone wake Rip van Wolfe from his 39-year sleep and tell him -- newspaper editorials don't use "nevertheless" 80 some times anymore.
Maybe that's why he won THE BAD SEX IN LITERATURE AWARD.
Tom Wolfe: I'm not sure it is dying because they are liberal or not. But readership is declining. Younger people are getting their news from the Internet or television. Most people don't read editorial pages. I think I must have been 40 before I even looked at an editorial page. There was a great story at the New York Herald Tribune. One of the most colorful employees they ever had was a guy name [sic] Lucius Beebe [d. 1966]. He was the pro, he was the guy under fire, great reporter, great writer, fast. So one night something had happened at the very last moment, which exploded the lead editorial, and they had to get somebody to write a new one in 15 minutes. So everyone said, 'Where's Beebe?' So they brought the old pro upstairs with the copy boy right behind him to take the rush copy. Like a pro he turns out that first page in less than a minute and hands it to the copy boy. And one of the copy editors comes in and says, 'What the hell is this, Beebe?' It was the word 'nevertheless' repeated 80 some times. Beebe said, 'Well, that's all your editorials ever say anyways.'
Someone wake Rip van Wolfe from his 39-year sleep and tell him -- newspaper editorials don't use "nevertheless" 80 some times anymore.
Maybe that's why he won THE BAD SEX IN LITERATURE AWARD.
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL is afoot in America -- and happily, so are the NOBLE FORCES TO BATTLE IT:
Attention, blue-state parents. Are you worried about what your children are seeing on TV? Have you caught them ogling Ann Coulter and Sean Hannity as they engage in explicit acts of love with Bush administration policies?
Now you can protect your little liberals from hard-core right-wing positions the same way you censor cable porn. For just $8.95, The FOXBlocker eliminates the risk of exposure to Fox News Channel.
Sam Kimery and Joshua Montgomery, who are marketing the device, say it employs the technology already used to filter adult content.
And every time someone orders one of the gizmos from Foxblocker.com, Fox advertisers receive E-mail telling them that another consumer has just said no to Rupert Murdoch's brand of "fair and balanced news."
"We hope that companies will see people actually paying to block channels that won't offer alternative views, and then rethink how they spend their advertising dollars," Montgomery tells Variety V Life magazine.
Is Fox worried about this new product?
"I mean, clearly, it's not working," a Fox News rep told us. "Our ratings continue to skyrocket."
PFFH-HH-HH!!!!!
Attention, blue-state parents. Are you worried about what your children are seeing on TV? Have you caught them ogling Ann Coulter and Sean Hannity as they engage in explicit acts of love with Bush administration policies?
Now you can protect your little liberals from hard-core right-wing positions the same way you censor cable porn. For just $8.95, The FOXBlocker eliminates the risk of exposure to Fox News Channel.
Sam Kimery and Joshua Montgomery, who are marketing the device, say it employs the technology already used to filter adult content.
And every time someone orders one of the gizmos from Foxblocker.com, Fox advertisers receive E-mail telling them that another consumer has just said no to Rupert Murdoch's brand of "fair and balanced news."
"We hope that companies will see people actually paying to block channels that won't offer alternative views, and then rethink how they spend their advertising dollars," Montgomery tells Variety V Life magazine.
Is Fox worried about this new product?
"I mean, clearly, it's not working," a Fox News rep told us. "Our ratings continue to skyrocket."
PFFH-HH-HH!!!!!
TAS: Will the novel survive the age of the Internet?
Tom Wolfe: No, the novel is committing suicide as fast as it can by turning its back on the world.
WHAT? NEWS HACKS can't save it any more -- by practicing JERNALISM?
Tom Wolfe: No, the novel is committing suicide as fast as it can by turning its back on the world.
WHAT? NEWS HACKS can't save it any more -- by practicing JERNALISM?
The catch-phrase maker of the con-SER-va-tive movement coins a few words that won't make SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS happy:
TAS: What do you think of the Internet?
Tom Wolfe: The Internet is the modern form of knitting. In the old days women who had nothing to do would knit, but at least you got something out of it -- a pair of socks, maybe a scarf, occasionally a little bedspread. That's mostly what the Internet is, just passing the time. But unfortunately you are dealing with words that can have meaning.
See that? The genius is calling you idle gossips! And we must take it as definitive from a man who's devised a few convoluted bedspreads in his time.
TAS: What do you think of the Internet?
Tom Wolfe: The Internet is the modern form of knitting. In the old days women who had nothing to do would knit, but at least you got something out of it -- a pair of socks, maybe a scarf, occasionally a little bedspread. That's mostly what the Internet is, just passing the time. But unfortunately you are dealing with words that can have meaning.
See that? The genius is calling you idle gossips! And we must take it as definitive from a man who's devised a few convoluted bedspreads in his time.
The first thing this morning I saw this:
Best 'Vette yet
Chevy's sixth edition of the classic delivers the goods and then some.
Then I saw this:
Sleek. Cool. Sexy.
They're words often applied to new clothes or new cars--not phones. But that's changing, and Motorola Inc.'s Razr V3 offers a good example.
The ultra-slim, lustrous metal cell phone introduced in November has created a cachet of cool so strong that it should rub off on the company's entire portfolio of phones, observers say.
Excuse me -- am I supposed to BUY something?
Proof that the news hacks' most in-your-face advertising isn't the ads, it's the filler among the ads.
Best 'Vette yet
Chevy's sixth edition of the classic delivers the goods and then some.
Then I saw this:
Sleek. Cool. Sexy.
They're words often applied to new clothes or new cars--not phones. But that's changing, and Motorola Inc.'s Razr V3 offers a good example.
The ultra-slim, lustrous metal cell phone introduced in November has created a cachet of cool so strong that it should rub off on the company's entire portfolio of phones, observers say.
Excuse me -- am I supposed to BUY something?
Proof that the news hacks' most in-your-face advertising isn't the ads, it's the filler among the ads.
Sunday, January 09, 2005
Palestinian moderate Abbas claims victory
Does "moderate" mean what it usually does when NEWS HACKS use it?
Does "moderate" mean what it usually does when NEWS HACKS use it?
For quite a while PAPEROFRECORD.com has forced us to look at THE GLIBERAL's face as we skim by his column or peruse the home page, and with each new unwilling stare he reminds me of an evil Bud Collyer. You remember Bud Collyer? The first Superman, on the radio; but also a long-time TV game show host, the epitome of affability -- on Beat the Clock, and especially To Tell the Truth. He ended every episode of that series with the phrase, "And don't you forget to tell the truth!" If THE GLIBERAL could emcee that show we can guess his closing phrase.
Another reason to CHARGE, PINCH -- CHARGE!!
Though it doesn't expire until the November issue I've already decided to let my subscription to The Atlantic Monthly lapse. Soon after the untimely death of Mike Kelly it became obvious the rag was declining into squoosh and trendiness. How many 100,000-word pieces on why (fill-in-the-blank) went wrong can one take anyway? The last straw was some scribble in the latest number by a pop-cul-TYURE fetishist named Carson subheaded "If Rupert's So Bad Why Is Fox So GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD?????" Just these words point to a fundamental conflict among America's news hacks: RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is unquestionably a force -- THE FORCE of EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL, the DEVIL with an Australian accent; but the children of the Trash-is-High-Art blurbists like PAULINE KAEL and the PAULETTES live in their own PLATINUM AGE of ENTERTAINMENT -- and RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s the source of most of it! Who knew GARBAGE could smell like -- ROSES????? So what to do faced with such a horrendous clash of forces? Of course -- let the dollar signs glow in your eyes. Simple enough when you're among AMERICA'S FOUNTS OF WISDOM. And a man who writes a novel starring the cast of Gilligan's Island (and for ESQUIRE, nuf said) is sure to believe ANYTHING.
I have HAD IT with the flacks, the toadies, the fan-clubbers, the drooling insiders, the sweet whisperers in entertainers' ears who write the show-biz pages, the adjectivists who speak day and night of GENIUS to justify DROSS, and their emptyheaded worldview, and their outrageous salaries and perks.
I have HAD IT with the flacks, the toadies, the fan-clubbers, the drooling insiders, the sweet whisperers in entertainers' ears who write the show-biz pages, the adjectivists who speak day and night of GENIUS to justify DROSS, and their emptyheaded worldview, and their outrageous salaries and perks.
RUSH!!!!!
62-Foot Stogie Rolled in Puerto Rico
Free-enterprise con-SER-va-tives won't like it though. It's not CUBAN.
62-Foot Stogie Rolled in Puerto Rico
Free-enterprise con-SER-va-tives won't like it though. It's not CUBAN.
Hmmm, one of the holy cockroaches who tried to kill Pakistan's President Musharraf has -- and I quote precisely -- "'disappeared' after a 'security lapse.'"
With friends like THESE....
With friends like THESE....
Thinking about all the SUPERDUPERMEGAGGIGABLOGGERS and all their BUNCOMBE about THE FORCE OF LITTLE-GUY BLOGGERS makes me realize every time I post I'm tossing a tiny pebble in a rushing stream creating a ripple about two feet wide that disappears in two seconds in the water's flow. Multiply that by THOUSANDS OF LITTLE GUYS and you have thousands of little pebbles tossed into rushing streams. On the other hand SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS toss TEN-TON BOULDERS. Problem is, their ripples eventually dissipate too. Of course people who stand too close may get VERY WET.
"Million Dollar Baby," the story of a woman trying to rise above her hard-knock life by training as a boxer, was voted best film and earned awards for actress Hilary Swank and actor-director Clint Eastwood at the National Society of Film Critics awards Saturday....
The group of 56 newspaper and magazine film critics held its 39th awards ceremony at Sardi's Restaurant in Manhattan.
And one can be sure at all 39 of those tightly corseted gatherings the conversations were the stuff of Sheridan, or Neil Simon, or Tom Wolfe.
And out of all the members who have cast all those votes for ALL THAT GENIUS we can count all those who knew someone who VOTED FOR NIXON on the fingers of one hand.
The group of 56 newspaper and magazine film critics held its 39th awards ceremony at Sardi's Restaurant in Manhattan.
And one can be sure at all 39 of those tightly corseted gatherings the conversations were the stuff of Sheridan, or Neil Simon, or Tom Wolfe.
And out of all the members who have cast all those votes for ALL THAT GENIUS we can count all those who knew someone who VOTED FOR NIXON on the fingers of one hand.