THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
Blogroll Me!
![[Powered by Blogger]](http://buttons.blogger.com/bloggerbutton1.gif){kind=small}
Saturday, December 31, 2005
The FREEP's having a big thing about how CHRIS "THE ZILLIONAIRE BLUTO" BERMAN allegedly (and we must use this term with any subsidiary of BOZELLCORP) used a racial slur tonight.
We will not pay attention as we do not expect Bluto to be reprimanded anymore than his partner in money THE FLYING KEYBOARD was, and at any event he has never learned to speak any language resembling English.
We will not pay attention as we do not expect Bluto to be reprimanded anymore than his partner in money THE FLYING KEYBOARD was, and at any event he has never learned to speak any language resembling English.
And the disease is INTERNATIONAL:
Focus: Camilla: The It Girl of 2006
Any article that introduces us to the bozo who "invented" the term "metrosexual" (who worked for an AD AGENCY) and who further insists on bleating "Camilla is going to be the next great lifestyle icon" is not worth reading.
It wasn't that long ago that the TIMES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! went behind North Korea's fence; but we expect nothing from RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Focus: Camilla: The It Girl of 2006
Any article that introduces us to the bozo who "invented" the term "metrosexual" (who worked for an AD AGENCY) and who further insists on bleating "Camilla is going to be the next great lifestyle icon" is not worth reading.
It wasn't that long ago that the TIMES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! went behind North Korea's fence; but we expect nothing from RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It appears the WaPost wants a piece of USAOKAY!!!!!'s SUPER BOWL gag. And now part of the ritual is lamenting how good (or at least "sexy", meaning prurient) the ads were before Ms. Flasher and the PRUDES descended on them. It's bad enough when the hacks do their thinker routine, but it's worse when they do it as a way to write filler; and they're thoroughly oblivious that many readers are ahead of them now, and don't need their hand-holding.
Another insider typist gets famous for thirty seconds.
Really, we've read Gawker. Anybody can write Gawker. And that's the problem.
Really, we've read Gawker. Anybody can write Gawker. And that's the problem.
Bono Says Campaigning Caused Tension in U2
Oh dear oh dear, what would have happened had he won the Nobel Good Intentions Prize?
Oh dear oh dear, what would have happened had he won the Nobel Good Intentions Prize?
Apparently the Nine Fingers are even less funny than The Producers. That's okay; their decisions are their jokes.
(Via the Corner. It also got linked by the Volokhheads, who seemed to have had a little laugh with their formatting.)
(Via the Corner. It also got linked by the Volokhheads, who seemed to have had a little laugh with their formatting.)
We'll give People Warner credit where credit's due: this PAPER OF RE-CORD article confirms what we said before: that company's doing by far the best job DVD-ing vintage movies. We may well be heading to bankruptcy too!
Our SMUG TANTRUM OF THE YEAR for 2005, and a reason we may not need EDITORIAL CARTOONISTS:
WHY NOT?
(Via Michelle Malkin, who can burst a few veins with the best of them. It seems the dimwits at COX, as if out of conscience, ran a riposte from some teenage reader in the print edition. The day this tantrum appeared was a day of much self-hugging in the luxury news suite, and thankfully the only ones who suffered were the operators and customer-service reps who caught all the profanities that should have gone to THEM. I'd bet Mike got a lot of laughs out of that.
Ceertainly it's funnier than his cartoons, which appear to be run-of-the-mill when they're not knee-jerk.
This is a danger of blogging: get caught up in something and you can be a monomaniacal BLOGGER OF THE MILLENNIUM too.)
WHY NOT?
(Via Michelle Malkin, who can burst a few veins with the best of them. It seems the dimwits at COX, as if out of conscience, ran a riposte from some teenage reader in the print edition. The day this tantrum appeared was a day of much self-hugging in the luxury news suite, and thankfully the only ones who suffered were the operators and customer-service reps who caught all the profanities that should have gone to THEM. I'd bet Mike got a lot of laughs out of that.
Ceertainly it's funnier than his cartoons, which appear to be run-of-the-mill when they're not knee-jerk.
This is a danger of blogging: get caught up in something and you can be a monomaniacal BLOGGER OF THE MILLENNIUM too.)
And now it's time for our NEUHARTHISM OF THE YEAR AWARD. Many many hacks were eligible in 2005; they all but stumbled one over another to get out the best blurbs, the best shills, the best at making their readers tear out their hair and renounce literacy. Yes, it has been a hard fought campaign, but in the end, only one NEWS HACK can claim the prize, and this year, we PROUDLY present it to a man who combined the best of press agentry with the best in conflicts of interests, who knew he had to SELL AT ANY COST, who has known no better feeling than to be an ORGANIZATION MAN, and a man of RAGING SYNERGY; and SO, in the name of ALL that SELLS, we PROUDLY PRESENT the NEUHARTHISM OF THE YEAR AWARD TO...
DICK SCHICK!
Congratulations, DICK! May your year be -- RICH with NEUHARTHISMS!
We know ours will be.
DICK SCHICK!
Congratulations, DICK! May your year be -- RICH with NEUHARTHISMS!
We know ours will be.
Most Expensive Champagnes 2005
Let's guess which publisher of which circulation-defying business rag will have himself a HAPPY!
Let's guess which publisher of which circulation-defying business rag will have himself a HAPPY!
Mssssssssssss. Pelosi has -- a promise. She promises she'll scweam and whine and cwy evewy day until she gets her way. Failing that she'll do all she can to get every last soldier out of Iraq within two months, unless her antennae pick up signals it isn't polling well. Failing that she'll have her army of foot soldiers in the press spread the word -- WE WILL TAKE BACK THE HOUSE IN 2006! They're the only ones fool enough to believe it.
In short, this PROMISES to be a very PROMISING year for MSSSSSSSSSSSS. PELOSI!
In short, this PROMISES to be a very PROMISING year for MSSSSSSSSSSSS. PELOSI!
With 'In Justice,' ABC Is Guilty Of Petty Theft
With their programming all the networks are guilty of grand larceny.
With their programming all the networks are guilty of grand larceny.
We are SO SAD (or, J-Lo's still -- GIGGLY):
It looks like the wheels have fallen off Jennifer Lopez's planned star vehicle, a flashy film musical version of "Carmen."
Investors can't be found to risk $50 million on the project, even though riding-high "Ray" director Taylor Hackford is at the helm.
"'Carmen' is on its last legs," Hackford admitted Thursday in Italy, where he is attending the Capri, Hollywood International Film Festival.
"Studios are so frightened at the moment that they are looking for outside money," he said. "There is a great deal of fear in Hollywood. Many of the films are not working [at the box office]."
So why not make ONE MORE?
It looks like the wheels have fallen off Jennifer Lopez's planned star vehicle, a flashy film musical version of "Carmen."
Investors can't be found to risk $50 million on the project, even though riding-high "Ray" director Taylor Hackford is at the helm.
"'Carmen' is on its last legs," Hackford admitted Thursday in Italy, where he is attending the Capri, Hollywood International Film Festival.
"Studios are so frightened at the moment that they are looking for outside money," he said. "There is a great deal of fear in Hollywood. Many of the films are not working [at the box office]."
So why not make ONE MORE?
Gotta be CURLEY'S (NYUK! NYUK! NYUK!) STOOGES again:
U.S. death toll in Iraq for '05 nears '04 level
841 soldiers killed this year — just 5 short of last year's toll
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!! HAP-PY NEW YEAR!!!!!
But what's with your guys, CURLEY? The word GRIM HAS to show up AT LEAST ONCE!
U.S. death toll in Iraq for '05 nears '04 level
841 soldiers killed this year — just 5 short of last year's toll
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!! HAP-PY NEW YEAR!!!!!
But what's with your guys, CURLEY? The word GRIM HAS to show up AT LEAST ONCE!
And among the citizens of the soon-to-be island republic on the left coast:
The average American goes to the movie theater fewer than six times a year, which makes Richard Troncone way, way above average.
In his West Los Angeles home, the 54-year-old computer tech keeps a careful list of every film he's seen during the last 40 years. Since 1988, he's watched 2,445 movies, averaging more than 135 films a year — all of them in a theater.
But this year Troncone decided to go for a personal best by trying to top his record of 176 movies set in 1972 (and confirmed by nobody but him). He knew he'd have to sit through some duds.
"I don't want to come across as a nut case," he said when asked what drove him to take in such lackluster offerings this year as the sequel "Miss Congeniality 2 — Armed and Fabulous" (No. 18) and the futuristic muddle "The Island" (No. 78). "I just love movies. I guess that's an understatement."
NO COMMENT.
The average American goes to the movie theater fewer than six times a year, which makes Richard Troncone way, way above average.
In his West Los Angeles home, the 54-year-old computer tech keeps a careful list of every film he's seen during the last 40 years. Since 1988, he's watched 2,445 movies, averaging more than 135 films a year — all of them in a theater.
But this year Troncone decided to go for a personal best by trying to top his record of 176 movies set in 1972 (and confirmed by nobody but him). He knew he'd have to sit through some duds.
"I don't want to come across as a nut case," he said when asked what drove him to take in such lackluster offerings this year as the sequel "Miss Congeniality 2 — Armed and Fabulous" (No. 18) and the futuristic muddle "The Island" (No. 78). "I just love movies. I guess that's an understatement."
NO COMMENT.
Geez, that liberal Democrat with the accent we installed in California is proposing to boost his state's minimum wage. We must impeach him.
What gives, Jonah? Even the head of Wal-Mart wants to boost it nationally. What has happened to our heroes?
What gives, Jonah? Even the head of Wal-Mart wants to boost it nationally. What has happened to our heroes?
Friday, December 30, 2005
Hypocrisy on the move:
The University of Michigan suspended sales of Coca-Cola products on its three campuses over allegations that the company permits human rights and environmental abuses abroad.
Fine. But we must ask -- how much of ANHEUSER-BUSCH do you sell every year?
The University of Michigan suspended sales of Coca-Cola products on its three campuses over allegations that the company permits human rights and environmental abuses abroad.
Fine. But we must ask -- how much of ANHEUSER-BUSCH do you sell every year?
Lately in surfing the Web (and especially tonight looking up things on Allmusic.com) I've been BOMBARDED by those EXASPERATING, IRRITATING, CALCULATING, AGITATING, MADDENING and INFURIATING ADS ABOUT TOENAIL FUNGUS. Anyone who thinks Web ads can't be as annoying as the worst TV conmmercials should consider the HAMMERHAMMERHAMMER approach these use to beat surfers into submission. They go back well over a year and have been especially plastered over ST. WARREN's properties (thus did I once call Slate.com TOENAIL.COM), and the disease shows no sign of abating. The ads are part of a campaign -- or rather, offensive -- for some prescription elixir called Lamisil, and it's made by a cretinous Swiss company called NOVARTIS -- it MUST be full of morons to constantly poking its middle finger (complete with diseased -- toenail?) in our eyes. If I had connections or luck I'd start a Web site blasting this Sherman's March of advertising into our lives. How does NovartisSucks.com sound? (That ship of fools probably owns it.)
Why does genocide in Darfur continue? One reason is that there is no real international pressure on the architects of the genocide--the National Islamic Front security cabal in Khartoum--to bring the killing to a halt. On the contrary, as the genocide enters its fourth year, the international community continues to defer to Khartoum, or even to suggest disingenuously that the regime has somehow reformed itself. Either way, the clear implication is that the lives of Darfur's civilians are not worth the diplomatic price of confronting Sudan's brutal leaders.
There is no more appalling illustration of this phenomenon than recent announcements by the African Union and the Arab League that both groups will hold their upcoming summits in Khartoum. These summits will represent symbolic triumphs for Sudan's genocidaires. And they will reinforce in very public fashion what Khartoum already knows: that none of its neighbors really cares what it does in Darfur.
Because first off, it isn't genocide when it's your enemy. Second, it isn't genocide when you're spreading the word of some devil posing as a god.
Any other questions?
There is no more appalling illustration of this phenomenon than recent announcements by the African Union and the Arab League that both groups will hold their upcoming summits in Khartoum. These summits will represent symbolic triumphs for Sudan's genocidaires. And they will reinforce in very public fashion what Khartoum already knows: that none of its neighbors really cares what it does in Darfur.
Because first off, it isn't genocide when it's your enemy. Second, it isn't genocide when you're spreading the word of some devil posing as a god.
Any other questions?
And further on the subject of the Pentium III:
This is a POWERFUL DISPLAY of REBRANDING!!!!!!!!!!
Pffffffffffffffffffffffft!
This is a POWERFUL DISPLAY of REBRANDING!!!!!!!!!!
Pffffffffffffffffffffffft!
So: the Feds are investigating tricks in sub-prime mortgages.
How much does this have to do with the housing bub -- BOOM?
How much does this have to do with the housing bub -- BOOM?
We don't know who's worse: the GREAT PLAYWRIGHT CHRIS-TO-PHER DURANG for writing this predictable display of Parkinson's-style twitching, or Andy S. for linking to it. The key term is "open-minded," which usually appears in the middle of ironically phrased blood-pressure-boosting polemics about the evil of the other guy.
When it comes to talking about God both men could use a little of Abe's Second Inaugural. But that presupposes both men would benefit from any form of humility, and besides, it would pose a problem with Chris because he believes God's an it who largely serves the nefarious purposes of right-wing demagogues, and with Andy S. because he's immortal.
When it comes to talking about God both men could use a little of Abe's Second Inaugural. But that presupposes both men would benefit from any form of humility, and besides, it would pose a problem with Chris because he believes God's an it who largely serves the nefarious purposes of right-wing demagogues, and with Andy S. because he's immortal.
We're surprised we haven't heard more of Tiger's 30th (especially from con-SER-va-tives with those new digs), but we feel almost exactly about him as we do about MJ: he's a great athlete, and a great schmoozer around CEOs -- and in every other particular a cipher. Tiger's much smarter than MJ, and thankfully hasn't been prone to make an ass of himself, but what do most superstar jocks have besides the game? And as the sad dissolution of that soccer "legend" we previously hadn't heard of tells us, there's more to life than the game -- especially when your sporting days are over. Tiger has enough supermoney and bigwig associates that he won't blow it. But couldn't our age produce something more memorable than Dilbertian athletes?
We hate to keep harping on MOVIES and the BEEEEEEEEEE-OOOOOOOOOOOH, but the flack sheet Variety has some EXCELLENT NEWS:
1. Admissions will be down 11 PERCENT (not the single digits of most reports), so no, it's not just the absence of WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!!!!! The Jesus Slasher Movie;
2. "Even more bad news: 527 new pics were released in 2005, compared with 507 in 2004. That means Hollywood did less business with more films."
3. "While the top 15 films of 2005 -- those with domestic cumes over $120 million -- were on a par with the top films last year, every film below No. 15 in the top 100 did worse than the one with the same rank in 2004." Meaning if it weren't for tentpole movies there'd be no tent.
We have this awful hunch the S&M moviegoing crowd will be back, but the APE may foretell of a day when the marketing just won't move them any more. I postulated that GREATEST FILM OF THE YEAR was this year's AUDREY'S MONSTER, heavily promoted by big consumer products companies on the strength of interoffice memos.* Which movies will be overpromoted and underperform next year?
*I said the same of CGI LEWIS, but the promoing seems to have been low-key by comparison.
1. Admissions will be down 11 PERCENT (not the single digits of most reports), so no, it's not just the absence of WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!!!!! The Jesus Slasher Movie;
2. "Even more bad news: 527 new pics were released in 2005, compared with 507 in 2004. That means Hollywood did less business with more films."
3. "While the top 15 films of 2005 -- those with domestic cumes over $120 million -- were on a par with the top films last year, every film below No. 15 in the top 100 did worse than the one with the same rank in 2004." Meaning if it weren't for tentpole movies there'd be no tent.
We have this awful hunch the S&M moviegoing crowd will be back, but the APE may foretell of a day when the marketing just won't move them any more. I postulated that GREATEST FILM OF THE YEAR was this year's AUDREY'S MONSTER, heavily promoted by big consumer products companies on the strength of interoffice memos.* Which movies will be overpromoted and underperform next year?
*I said the same of CGI LEWIS, but the promoing seems to have been low-key by comparison.
And speaking of a great musical, PODMAN demonstrates the CORNER's idiocy again:
I DON'T CLAIM TO BE A CRUNCHY CON... [JPod]
...and I do acknowledge being a heterosexual musical-comedy queen, so I have to say that I really loved the movie version of Rent. I loved the show too.
Yep, The Corner is the definitive argument against blogging.
I DON'T CLAIM TO BE A CRUNCHY CON... [JPod]
...and I do acknowledge being a heterosexual musical-comedy queen, so I have to say that I really loved the movie version of Rent. I loved the show too.
Yep, The Corner is the definitive argument against blogging.
Mr. Know-It-All of classical music, who had recently trumpeted a stirring fanfare for the NEW GOLDEN AGE OF MUSICALS, is crestfallen that his hero KERNGERSHWIN HAMMERSTEIN could NOT come to the movies' rescue with his stupid Nazi dance routines and swishy theater types and all the hilarity that made THE GREATEST MUSICAL OF ALL TIME a hot ticket for a year, the masterpiece having been held hostage by a totally untalented director (who was once THE GREATEST CHOREOGRAPHER OF ALL TIME) who filmed it as though she were working with the Vitaphone. Now we are forced to contemplate the empty seats greeting the imposters on Broadway, and the empty seats greeting this immortality at hundreds of theaters, and are forced to sigh, with Mr. Know-It-All, that perhaps our master of the dancing pigeons has feet of -- clay pigeons, and can only wait hopefully to "next year" -- and LALA BOHEME.
What planet are you on, Norm?
(Via the usual ArtsJournal.com)
What planet are you on, Norm?
(Via the usual ArtsJournal.com)
DAVID CAMERON is so determined to prove his green credentials that he has commissioned an eco-architect to make over his new house, complete with wind turbine on the roof.
Politicians all over seem bent on adopting the Six-of-One Principle.
Politicians all over seem bent on adopting the Six-of-One Principle.
Countdown begins to new Coke ads
TRANSLATION: USAOKAY!!!!!'s rehearsing for the SUPER BOWL again, sighhhhhhhhhhhh.
TRANSLATION: USAOKAY!!!!!'s rehearsing for the SUPER BOWL again, sighhhhhhhhhhhh.
Thursday, December 29, 2005
A drunken passenger who abused cabin crew on a flight to Tenerife spent 36 hours castaway after the airline abandoned him on a tiny island in the Atlantic, 300 miles from his destination....
Porto Santo, described as an unspoilt island paradise with a population of fewer than 5,000....
UH oh, I think we've created a new tourist trap.
Porto Santo, described as an unspoilt island paradise with a population of fewer than 5,000....
UH oh, I think we've created a new tourist trap.
Homeland Security poorly managed: audit
How many times must the government tell us the sun rises in the east?
How many times must the government tell us the sun rises in the east?
Potentially good news: TiVo may not mean large "unmeasured" audiences, thus rendering the whole missing-zillions-in-the-bars argument bogus.
Which will not stop The American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers from spending psychopathically on television.
Which will not stop The American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers from spending psychopathically on television.
This will be the next great con-SER-va-tive obsession: that NEWS HACKS brought down the economy with their constant carping over housing costs. Well who told greedy homeowners to flip properties four times? And who told the BABBITTS to build eighty million condos? As to the hacks, if they brought anything down it was their GREAT BUILDUP.
More than 120 pages of proposed rules, released by the government Thursday, regulate the future of space tourism.
Do I hear DOW 36,000 and VIR-GIN-IA screaming somewhere?
Do I hear DOW 36,000 and VIR-GIN-IA screaming somewhere?
HUGH has actually found something BETTER than CGI LEWIS!!!!!
The one obvious thing about is it Web sites may look like this some day. As to its inventor: he ought to go to Hollywood -- or be a SENIOR VICE-PRESIDENT AT GANNETT -- OR AL REUT.
P. S. Not one well-known advertiser, of course; the link from RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!'S Times is a sudoku puzzle (I just heard of this fad and ALREADY it's tiresome). Well, to each his fifteen minutes.
The one obvious thing about is it Web sites may look like this some day. As to its inventor: he ought to go to Hollywood -- or be a SENIOR VICE-PRESIDENT AT GANNETT -- OR AL REUT.
P. S. Not one well-known advertiser, of course; the link from RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!'S Times is a sudoku puzzle (I just heard of this fad and ALREADY it's tiresome). Well, to each his fifteen minutes.
A measure of how idiotic The Corner has become:
MOVIE WARNING [JPod]
Rod Dreher also loved American Beauty.
Posted at 02:32 PM
MOVIE WARNING [JPod]
Rod Dreher also loved American Beauty.
Posted at 02:32 PM
The bad news: THE GAY COWBOYS are behind KERNGERSHWIN HAMMERSTEIN.
The further bad news is: KERNGERSHWIN HAMMERSTEIN's in thirteenth place.
The APE is climbing down the EMPIRE STATE BUILDING, back to the jungle of CGI.
P. S. at 4:55 P. M.: Woodster the Perv's GREATEST FILM EVER may be in trouble. Again, under ordinary circumstances we wouldn't pay it attention; but when the EFFETE EDELSTEINS and other such HACKS have SCREAMED THE GENIUS OF THIS 1939 SEASON we CAN'T HELP IT.
The further bad news is: KERNGERSHWIN HAMMERSTEIN's in thirteenth place.
The APE is climbing down the EMPIRE STATE BUILDING, back to the jungle of CGI.
P. S. at 4:55 P. M.: Woodster the Perv's GREATEST FILM EVER may be in trouble. Again, under ordinary circumstances we wouldn't pay it attention; but when the EFFETE EDELSTEINS and other such HACKS have SCREAMED THE GENIUS OF THIS 1939 SEASON we CAN'T HELP IT.
Now the videogame phreaks have a new VEHICLE for -- GETTING A LIFE!!!!!
Nissan and Microsoft have partnered to show that they can deliver as much impotent grandeur as any other auto/software maker duo.
The vendors this week announced that they will unveil the first "fully integrated gaming system within a vehicle."
And somebody take away their training wheels!
(Via the usual GEEKDOM)
Nissan and Microsoft have partnered to show that they can deliver as much impotent grandeur as any other auto/software maker duo.
The vendors this week announced that they will unveil the first "fully integrated gaming system within a vehicle."
And somebody take away their training wheels!
(Via the usual GEEKDOM)
And let us not forget the Red-State Scorpion's brother:
Robert Abramoff (Executive Vice President, Producer) has been producer and co-producer of numerous feature films including "Red Scorpion" starring Dolph Lundgren "Good Luck" starring Gregory Hines & Vincent D'Onofrio, and "High Voltage" staring Antonio Sabato, Jr. He is also president and founder of International Marketing Systems, Inc., specializing in marketing consultation, and of High Ridge Media, a Denver-based multimedia and television production company, whose clients include TCI and Starz/Encore Cable. Robert is a partner in the law firm of Burgee & Abramoff, serving as legal counsel to numerous entertainers and producers, including Lorna & Milton Berle, Alien Voices (owned by Leonard Nimoy), and Sunwoo Entertainment. Robert was Vice President of business affairs with Bobtown Productions (an animation production company), and worked in business affairs at Warner Bros. Television.
So -- brother was legal counsel to Uncle Milty! Did Scorpion pick up some jokes along with his ethics?
Hoo-RAY for HOL-ly-WOOD!!!!!
Robert Abramoff (Executive Vice President, Producer) has been producer and co-producer of numerous feature films including "Red Scorpion" starring Dolph Lundgren "Good Luck" starring Gregory Hines & Vincent D'Onofrio, and "High Voltage" staring Antonio Sabato, Jr. He is also president and founder of International Marketing Systems, Inc., specializing in marketing consultation, and of High Ridge Media, a Denver-based multimedia and television production company, whose clients include TCI and Starz/Encore Cable. Robert is a partner in the law firm of Burgee & Abramoff, serving as legal counsel to numerous entertainers and producers, including Lorna & Milton Berle, Alien Voices (owned by Leonard Nimoy), and Sunwoo Entertainment. Robert was Vice President of business affairs with Bobtown Productions (an animation production company), and worked in business affairs at Warner Bros. Television.
So -- brother was legal counsel to Uncle Milty! Did Scorpion pick up some jokes along with his ethics?
Hoo-RAY for HOL-ly-WOOD!!!!!
Claim: Media Bolsters Myth that Suicides Increase During Holidays
'Los Angeles Times' Quotes Fake News Release
Ehhhhhhhhh, these might not be related, would they?
'Los Angeles Times' Quotes Fake News Release
Ehhhhhhhhh, these might not be related, would they?
"I'm not a doctor and I'm not his wife so I don't see him on a daily basis, but he will not be in a wheelchair on the telecast," Seacrest told AP Radio in a recent interview.
And no mention of the DOCTORED PHOTO. Very reassuring.
TRANSLATION: He'll be on for five minutes and look terrible.
And no mention of the DOCTORED PHOTO. Very reassuring.
TRANSLATION: He'll be on for five minutes and look terrible.
And speaking of the MOVIE BIZ, the founders of the CIA of MOUNTAIN VIEW are getting into it!
C'mon Larry and Sergey! Make movies! LOSE MONEY!
C'mon Larry and Sergey! Make movies! LOSE MONEY!
SURFER DUDE DEFENDS K STREET'S -- GIFT TO THE WORLD...
his FELLOW MOVIE MAN, that FAMOUS PRODUCER of ACTION FLICKS...
...THE RED-STATE SCORPION:
"I think he's been dealt a bad hand and the worst, rawest deal I've ever seen in my life. Words like bribery are being used to describe things that happened every day in Washington and are not bribes."
We are approaching the earth's molten core.
AND:
Abramoff and his crew busted the College Republicans' budget with a 1982 national direct-mail fundraising campaign that ended up "a colossal flop," said Bond, then deputy director of the party's national committee. He said he banished the three from GOP headquarters, telling Abramoff: "You can't be trusted."
Little did Rich Bond know THE RED-STATE SCORPION was adding a line to his RESUMÉ.
his FELLOW MOVIE MAN, that FAMOUS PRODUCER of ACTION FLICKS...
...THE RED-STATE SCORPION:
"I think he's been dealt a bad hand and the worst, rawest deal I've ever seen in my life. Words like bribery are being used to describe things that happened every day in Washington and are not bribes."
We are approaching the earth's molten core.
AND:
Abramoff and his crew busted the College Republicans' budget with a 1982 national direct-mail fundraising campaign that ended up "a colossal flop," said Bond, then deputy director of the party's national committee. He said he banished the three from GOP headquarters, telling Abramoff: "You can't be trusted."
Little did Rich Bond know THE RED-STATE SCORPION was adding a line to his RESUMÉ.
Ron "THE DESTROYER" Perelman has another brilliant idea:
Through his main investment vehicle, MacAndrews & Forbes Holdings and its subsidiary DX III Holdings, Perelman has bought Deluxe Film, one of the world's largest replicators of film for the global movie industry, for some $745 million.
That business should be worth a FORTUNE as the movie racket switches to digital.
I think the Rank Group just GONGED you.
And this being Little Malcolm he shakes his head like a good boy and makes a cute joke. No wonder you had to play tricks with your circ.
Through his main investment vehicle, MacAndrews & Forbes Holdings and its subsidiary DX III Holdings, Perelman has bought Deluxe Film, one of the world's largest replicators of film for the global movie industry, for some $745 million.
That business should be worth a FORTUNE as the movie racket switches to digital.
I think the Rank Group just GONGED you.
And this being Little Malcolm he shakes his head like a good boy and makes a cute joke. No wonder you had to play tricks with your circ.
The latest fad in the weird wacky world of ADLAND: consumers forming online "communities" around their "favorite" brands. Sorry, most people don't get online to yap about their favorite laundry detergent.
OR:
MySpace is a division of News Corp., which also owns The Post.
A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO HOLLY!
OR:
MySpace is a division of News Corp., which also owns The Post.
A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO HOLLY!
The disgraced "Sopranos" actor charged in the shooting death of a Bronx cop during a drunken hunt for drugs says his heart is breaking for the slain officer's anguished family.
You should have thought about that when you pulled the trigger.
You should have thought about that when you pulled the trigger.
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
MERCEDES MOST MENTIONED BRAND IN RAP
Does that explain the quality control problems?
P. S. Mickey D's is still -- trying:
Earlier this year, McDonald’s Corp. hired Lanham, Md.-based entertainment marketing firm Maven Strategies to pay rap artists to create songs naming the fast-food brand’s Big Mac sandwich. Although McDonald’s planned to pay upward of $5 every time a song mentioning Big Mac was played on the radio, so far it has yet to get its song.
Moreover, Big Mac failed to even snag a single mention in 2005, based on Agenda’s study. “It should have been done secretly,” Mr. Lucian said of the McDonald’s initiative....
Maven Strategies, however, did land Seagram’s five mentions in 2004 for its gin in rap songs.
Does that explain the quality control problems?
P. S. Mickey D's is still -- trying:
Earlier this year, McDonald’s Corp. hired Lanham, Md.-based entertainment marketing firm Maven Strategies to pay rap artists to create songs naming the fast-food brand’s Big Mac sandwich. Although McDonald’s planned to pay upward of $5 every time a song mentioning Big Mac was played on the radio, so far it has yet to get its song.
Moreover, Big Mac failed to even snag a single mention in 2005, based on Agenda’s study. “It should have been done secretly,” Mr. Lucian said of the McDonald’s initiative....
Maven Strategies, however, did land Seagram’s five mentions in 2004 for its gin in rap songs.
Dave Barry has "permanently" abandoned his column, but if his literary career resembles his last "novel" he may have to go back to it.
Then again perhaps he has realized no one can be funny once a week.
(Via its partner in synergy The Book Standard)
Then again perhaps he has realized no one can be funny once a week.
(Via its partner in synergy The Book Standard)
Roberts leads court with wit, aggressiveness
TRANSLATION: President Rove picked a good Chief Nine-Finger.
Now let us cross our fingers and hope after a while we won't have to call them The Nine Fingers.
TRANSLATION: President Rove picked a good Chief Nine-Finger.
Now let us cross our fingers and hope after a while we won't have to call them The Nine Fingers.
So Luke Spielberg took a few liberties with the GREATEST ACTION TRUTH-TELLING FILM EVER. Isn't that what makes ART?
And THIS from AL REUT?
And THIS from AL REUT?
In the race of the overmade oversold overbad movies HUGH AND K-LO'S FAVORITE has taken a commanding lead on the APE; I'll suggest it may finish its run higher than that GREATEST MOVIE OF ALL TIME, which means we'll get 500 essays from con-SER-va-tive rags and Web sites and blogs proclaiming why they're always right. The only thing is the whole biz falls off a cliff after the New Year's, and then we hope to see THE SLUMP continuing.
Meantime blurbists "from alternative weeklies, online publications, and film journals from around the country" prove once again their ideal living quarters would be a cryonic chamber.
Meantime blurbists "from alternative weeklies, online publications, and film journals from around the country" prove once again their ideal living quarters would be a cryonic chamber.
We're shocked. SHOCKED! that ESPNCORP NETWORK would doctor a photo to sell Dick Clark's appearance on his New Year's Eve special.
The networks have always played tricks on their viewers. Why bother with one lousy Photoshop application?
(Via the FREEP, where the folk got excited over the hed)
The networks have always played tricks on their viewers. Why bother with one lousy Photoshop application?
(Via the FREEP, where the folk got excited over the hed)
The Bold Prediction
The Bancroft clan finally throws in the towel on its languishing newspaper fortune and sells Dow Jones, publisher of The Wall Street Journal. News Corp. owner Rupert Murdoch would love to get his hands on the vaunted broadsheet, but the winning bid comes from the dark horse tandem of Berkshire Hathaway and The Washington Post.
Yeah. And Pinch sells His Heaven to GanNETt. Not bloody likely.
(Via the usual ROMY)
The Bancroft clan finally throws in the towel on its languishing newspaper fortune and sells Dow Jones, publisher of The Wall Street Journal. News Corp. owner Rupert Murdoch would love to get his hands on the vaunted broadsheet, but the winning bid comes from the dark horse tandem of Berkshire Hathaway and The Washington Post.
Yeah. And Pinch sells His Heaven to GanNETt. Not bloody likely.
(Via the usual ROMY)
It's gotta be another ArtsJournal.com link:
If nothing else of note had happened in the past 12 months, 2005 would still have been a very good year for jazz. Any year in which John Coltrane supplants Jamie Cullum as a topic of conversation is a very good year indeed.
1. Who's Jamie Cullum? 2. Trane died in 1967.
P. S. Jamie Cullum's some sort of singer. Just because you have 2,390,000 links on G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE doesn't mean people know your name, or deserve to.
If nothing else of note had happened in the past 12 months, 2005 would still have been a very good year for jazz. Any year in which John Coltrane supplants Jamie Cullum as a topic of conversation is a very good year indeed.
1. Who's Jamie Cullum? 2. Trane died in 1967.
P. S. Jamie Cullum's some sort of singer. Just because you have 2,390,000 links on G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE doesn't mean people know your name, or deserve to.
Excellent news here in downtown Philadelphia: the city's FULL of -- RENDELIS:
By July 2005, there were 2,146 retailers, up from 1,988 retailers in June 1999, according to the agency.
Restaurants and bars helped to drive the growth, and now account for 29 percent of Center City retailing. In 2000, Center City District counted just three Starbucks coffee shops downtown. Now there are 11.
EDDIE! TAKE A BOW! And will someone tell him to stop groping?
By July 2005, there were 2,146 retailers, up from 1,988 retailers in June 1999, according to the agency.
Restaurants and bars helped to drive the growth, and now account for 29 percent of Center City retailing. In 2000, Center City District counted just three Starbucks coffee shops downtown. Now there are 11.
EDDIE! TAKE A BOW! And will someone tell him to stop groping?
A rag that rumphets and phumphets for abortion, and will no doubt someday lead the charge for mercy killing, bravely condemns euthanasia for cats and dogs.
What shall we rename you, o tycoon holiness -- St. Warren of Assisi?
What shall we rename you, o tycoon holiness -- St. Warren of Assisi?
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
We're really tired of obsessing on CI-NE-MA, but THE ANSWER MAN has trouble with a QUESTION:
Q. If this was such a great year for movies, why are box-office receipts so far down from last year, even though admission prices are at an all-time high? Do you feel that there is such a growing disconnect between Hollywood and America that Hollywood had better wake up or face serious consequences?
Cal Ford, Corsicana, Texas
A: No, I don't, because the "box-office slump" is an urban myth that has been tiresomely created by news media recycling one another. By mid-December, according to the Hollywood Reporter, receipts were down between 4 percent and 5 percent from 2004, a record year when the totals were boosted by Mel Gibson's "The Passion of the Christ," which grossed $370 million. Many of those tickets were sold to people who rarely go to the movies. 2005 will eventually be the second or third best year in box-office history. Industry analyst David Poland at moviecitynews.com has been consistently right about this non-story.
We note the cliche "urban myth" and the defensive use of "history", plus the sneer at all those Philistines who saw WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!!!!! The Jesus Slasher Movie and will never see another again (we can't blame them). Of COURSE the movie BIZ set a BOX-OFFICE RECORD in 2004. It might NOT have if tickets were still A QUARTER EACH. The best guesses (and there may be few good ones) are that weekly movie attendance in the late 1920s was at least FOUR TIMES what it is today; in per-capita terms it's been in decline since 1950. Of course what gets THE ANSWER MAN mad is that if people aren't going to the movies that insinuates the movies aren't so hot, and we know that ISN'T true from Rog's many THUMBS UP. As for Dave, we've tried to read his musings, but he strikes us as a VOLOKHHEAD of film -- wordy and conceited. We have better ways to waste our time -- like NOT GOING TO THE MOVIES.
Q. If this was such a great year for movies, why are box-office receipts so far down from last year, even though admission prices are at an all-time high? Do you feel that there is such a growing disconnect between Hollywood and America that Hollywood had better wake up or face serious consequences?
Cal Ford, Corsicana, Texas
A: No, I don't, because the "box-office slump" is an urban myth that has been tiresomely created by news media recycling one another. By mid-December, according to the Hollywood Reporter, receipts were down between 4 percent and 5 percent from 2004, a record year when the totals were boosted by Mel Gibson's "The Passion of the Christ," which grossed $370 million. Many of those tickets were sold to people who rarely go to the movies. 2005 will eventually be the second or third best year in box-office history. Industry analyst David Poland at moviecitynews.com has been consistently right about this non-story.
We note the cliche "urban myth" and the defensive use of "history", plus the sneer at all those Philistines who saw WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!!!!! The Jesus Slasher Movie and will never see another again (we can't blame them). Of COURSE the movie BIZ set a BOX-OFFICE RECORD in 2004. It might NOT have if tickets were still A QUARTER EACH. The best guesses (and there may be few good ones) are that weekly movie attendance in the late 1920s was at least FOUR TIMES what it is today; in per-capita terms it's been in decline since 1950. Of course what gets THE ANSWER MAN mad is that if people aren't going to the movies that insinuates the movies aren't so hot, and we know that ISN'T true from Rog's many THUMBS UP. As for Dave, we've tried to read his musings, but he strikes us as a VOLOKHHEAD of film -- wordy and conceited. We have better ways to waste our time -- like NOT GOING TO THE MOVIES.
USAOKAY!!!!! spends 2,060 WORDS to inform us most people are, to put it politely, impolite louts.
NO THANK YOU.
(Via Yahoo! News)
NO THANK YOU.
(Via Yahoo! News)
THE GREATEST NAME IN BLOGGING gets ALL EXCITED because this CHRISTMAS SEASON we SPENTSPENTSPENTSPENTSPENT, but he STILL DOESN'T MENTION HIS MOVIE?
GADS!
I don't like it when NEWS HACKS spin economic news to help THEIR party, and I don't like it when YOU SPIN ECONOMIC NEWS TO HELP YOURS.
P. S. Curley's (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) Stooges cite somebody saying it's three percent same-store increases for most retailers. It always seems to be three-to-five percent. Does it really matter? Most annual news stories could be rerun with minimal edits.
GADS!
I don't like it when NEWS HACKS spin economic news to help THEIR party, and I don't like it when YOU SPIN ECONOMIC NEWS TO HELP YOURS.
P. S. Curley's (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) Stooges cite somebody saying it's three percent same-store increases for most retailers. It always seems to be three-to-five percent. Does it really matter? Most annual news stories could be rerun with minimal edits.
The Righteous Right battles Effete Edelstein's choices, and comes up with -- ALIENS.
Con-SER-va-tives can follow Effete jumping off a cliff.
We should do a Free Republic movie awards selection.
And then do battle in suits of armor with EFFETE EDELSTEIN!
Con-SER-va-tives can follow Effete jumping off a cliff.
We should do a Free Republic movie awards selection.
And then do battle in suits of armor with EFFETE EDELSTEIN!
Another arbitrary list of "mandatory" blogs (via the Corner), another reminder that I'll never get more than a handful of accidental hits, especially when seeking out the best of blogs is an exercise in idle skimming. Most blogs aren't worth reading on a daily basis. And alas it's always right this or left that, and no one who can see beyond the teeny-tiny prejudices and bigotries of both sides. Where are the blogs that combine the trenchant insight with memorable writing? It is such a pain seeking them out, and it pains me to think no matter how hard I try I type into a vacuum.
We may sum this up imperfectly as follows: The faster your Web connection, the less thrill you get seeing things zipping through it.
(Via ArsTechnica via the Geeks)
(Via ArsTechnica via the Geeks)
The TV Kid reports the Big C has turned itself into a videogame, the fans are mad and the execs aren't listening. 1. What do we expect from a tenth-rate network that's the successor to a fifteenth-rate network? 2. What do we expect from a tenth-rate network that gave viewers a visceral thrill as it puffed stocks that made them lose big money? 3. What do we expect from a tenth-rate network with JIMMY BOOM-BOOM?
(Via ShowBizData)
(Via ShowBizData)
Jeff Reardon, one of the top relief pitchers in history, was charged with robbing a jewelry store, then blamed his arrest on medication he was taking for depression.
The 50-year-old Reardon, retired since 1994 and sixth in career saves, walked into Hamilton Jewelers at the Gardens Mall on Monday and handed an employee a note saying he had a gun and the store was being robbed, police said Tuesday.
We could say something for the excuse, or the fact he earned $11.5 million in his career, or some very famous on-line auctioneer, but we won't.
The 50-year-old Reardon, retired since 1994 and sixth in career saves, walked into Hamilton Jewelers at the Gardens Mall on Monday and handed an employee a note saying he had a gun and the store was being robbed, police said Tuesday.
We could say something for the excuse, or the fact he earned $11.5 million in his career, or some very famous on-line auctioneer, but we won't.
Thomas Sowell wants to pay Congresspoops CEO WAGES, so we can get CEOs in CONGRESS. At BEST we'd get LEGENDARY WELCH. At WORST we'd get KEN LAY.
And with CEOs running the show we'd get no end of the "creating [of] appearances, posturing, rhetoric, and spin -- in a word, deception." How would that be any different?
And with CEOs running the show we'd get no end of the "creating [of] appearances, posturing, rhetoric, and spin -- in a word, deception." How would that be any different?
TRANSLATION: LUKE SPIELBERG's made a GLIBERTARIAN MOVIE!
OOPS: BAD NEWS, DOW 36,000:
Munich mastermind spurns Spielberg's peace appeal
But then....
He voiced outrage at not being consulted for the thriller and accused Spielberg of pandering to the Jewish state.
Well, he can't be that bad, Dow -- he wants his money too!
(Via the FREEP)
OOPS: BAD NEWS, DOW 36,000:
Munich mastermind spurns Spielberg's peace appeal
But then....
He voiced outrage at not being consulted for the thriller and accused Spielberg of pandering to the Jewish state.
Well, he can't be that bad, Dow -- he wants his money too!
(Via the FREEP)
Curley's (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) Stooges want to send Bloomy into internal exile "for his use of the word 'thuggishly' to describe the actions of the leaders of a union that is mostly minority."
Stooges, don't you have anything better to do -- like evicting Dubya from the White House?
Stooges, don't you have anything better to do -- like evicting Dubya from the White House?
Daydreaming, or vlah-vlah-vlah from Vlady:
Of course, some might say "Monday Night Football" was never the same after Howard Cosell's departure. (At least those of us who still remember the obnoxious Howard.) Maybe Dennis Miller should have been kept on longer. And remember the brief time when it appeared Rush Limbaugh might join the Monday night announcing team? Unlike over-the-hill John Madden, he would have saved the show.
Yeah -- and we would have had Limbaugh 2006. Bleeeaaaah!!
Of course, some might say "Monday Night Football" was never the same after Howard Cosell's departure. (At least those of us who still remember the obnoxious Howard.) Maybe Dennis Miller should have been kept on longer. And remember the brief time when it appeared Rush Limbaugh might join the Monday night announcing team? Unlike over-the-hill John Madden, he would have saved the show.
Yeah -- and we would have had Limbaugh 2006. Bleeeaaaah!!
If I could ask some dweeb at the BUTTMAN INSTITUTE, "Did GUVMENT cause Enron?", he'd blab for five hours, producing reams of graphs and charts and reports and junk proving that GUVMENT was the cause, the SOLE cause, of that mammoth debacle.
"So," I'd say, "guvment DEFINITELY caused what happened at Enron."
"Oh absolutely," the dweeb would say.
"WHAT ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO RAN ENRON?"
But the FEES must be provoking, shall we say, CONFLICTS among die-hard free-en-ter-prise con-ser-va-tives. On the one hand we know laywers are the root of all evil, being DEMOCRATS. On the other hand evil can't be that bad when it's for free en-ter-prise.
"So," I'd say, "guvment DEFINITELY caused what happened at Enron."
"Oh absolutely," the dweeb would say.
"WHAT ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO RAN ENRON?"
But the FEES must be provoking, shall we say, CONFLICTS among die-hard free-en-ter-prise con-ser-va-tives. On the one hand we know laywers are the root of all evil, being DEMOCRATS. On the other hand evil can't be that bad when it's for free en-ter-prise.
Well the other day I signed up for Technorati -- I had thought Technorati automatically pinged blogs; apparently not so -- and now every time I link to a piece in St. Warren's Media Heaven the WaPost it links to me! So....
Effete Edelstein does his slow-motion farewell to Stale.com with a list of TWENTY best (mostly arthouse flicks) and promises a list of worst -- how many he won't say, but it won't be as many as the best, certainly not as he prepares to shake hands with HOT, HIP ADAM!!!!!
And we wonder why the news biz grows exponentially worse.
And we wonder why the news biz grows exponentially worse.
Six weeks before the opening ceremonies for the Winter Olympics here, Italian authorities are conducting surveillance on at least 700 people to try to prevent a terrorist attack on the Games, a top Italian security official says.
Think if we tried that here.
But the GE BANCORP & REALTY WHITE-ELEPHANT GAMES must go on, even if their only purpose is to inconvenience people and bankrupt a nation.
Think if we tried that here.
But the GE BANCORP & REALTY WHITE-ELEPHANT GAMES must go on, even if their only purpose is to inconvenience people and bankrupt a nation.
An Australian magnate meets his maker -- and no, his name isn't RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Although you must wonder if these magnates will have any maker to meet, they having mostly made themselves.
Although you must wonder if these magnates will have any maker to meet, they having mostly made themselves.
Monday, December 26, 2005
We hope the Discover card folks bring back their little elves next year. They're very amusing.
And here's another reason movies stink:
But production of Fun With Dick and Jane, which started out as a quickie remake of the 1977 heist comedy starring George Segal and Jane Fonda, ended up a more difficult endeavor than expected. (Disclosure: My boss, Variety editor in chief Peter Bart, was a producer on the original and is an executive producer on the update.)
A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO GABE -- AND PETE!
But production of Fun With Dick and Jane, which started out as a quickie remake of the 1977 heist comedy starring George Segal and Jane Fonda, ended up a more difficult endeavor than expected. (Disclosure: My boss, Variety editor in chief Peter Bart, was a producer on the original and is an executive producer on the update.)
A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO GABE -- AND PETE!
It appears the masochists have been out in full force in the popcorn restaurants, though just how much show-biz news hacks will gloat is hard to judge with Christmas falling peculiarly on a Sunday. Several things are clear: people may not take lectures like these too well; THE GAY COWBOYS have been gayer; and MAX BIALYSTOCK has a SURE-FIRE FLOP on his hands.
And what movie did more per-venue biz than any other? THE POLAR EXPRESS. Hasn't anyone noticed?
One other thing: are THE MOST INTELLIGENT PEOPLE IN AMERICA seeing ARTHOUSE FLICKS like they used to? There's a biz I'd be SCREAMING out of; it's all double-or-nothing -- as in losses.
P. S. AL REUT says down 14 percent year-to-year; last Christmas fell on a Saturday.
P. P. S. One would like to think the bombing of Boheme with AAAAATTITUDE and KERNGERSHWIN'S MASTERPIECE would mark a coda for movie musicals. If the two films do $50 million between them (we're assuming GERSH does $20 million) that means 5 to 6 million admissions. That MAY account for both these misbegotten properties' core followings; but even their most obsessive fans must inevitably grow up; and there will come a time when those who gushed over Boheme II will cringe with embarrassment, while those who saw THE GREATEST MUSICAL OF ALL TIME will forever say, "Well, you had to be there," hoping chanting that mantra drives the bad taste away.
And what movie did more per-venue biz than any other? THE POLAR EXPRESS. Hasn't anyone noticed?
One other thing: are THE MOST INTELLIGENT PEOPLE IN AMERICA seeing ARTHOUSE FLICKS like they used to? There's a biz I'd be SCREAMING out of; it's all double-or-nothing -- as in losses.
P. S. AL REUT says down 14 percent year-to-year; last Christmas fell on a Saturday.
P. P. S. One would like to think the bombing of Boheme with AAAAATTITUDE and KERNGERSHWIN'S MASTERPIECE would mark a coda for movie musicals. If the two films do $50 million between them (we're assuming GERSH does $20 million) that means 5 to 6 million admissions. That MAY account for both these misbegotten properties' core followings; but even their most obsessive fans must inevitably grow up; and there will come a time when those who gushed over Boheme II will cringe with embarrassment, while those who saw THE GREATEST MUSICAL OF ALL TIME will forever say, "Well, you had to be there," hoping chanting that mantra drives the bad taste away.
Actually, this works both ways: Ah-NULT's name shouldn't grace a stadium, and you shouldn't get the millions in alleged tourist revenues. Sounds fair to me!
And given your crocodile tears over the death penalty, how many Austrians screamed "Heil Hitler!" and kissed the ground he trod, and helped send Jews to the gas chambers?
I love when Europeans lecture us on our depravity, having practically invented it in the last century.
And given your crocodile tears over the death penalty, how many Austrians screamed "Heil Hitler!" and kissed the ground he trod, and helped send Jews to the gas chambers?
I love when Europeans lecture us on our depravity, having practically invented it in the last century.
Here's a quote for you -- and we ignored this review because it appeared in the NEW, ADAMIZED NEW YORK -- STARRING EFFETE EDELSTEIN:
[An American Tragedy] add[s] one more generic, musically faceless American opera to a growing heap of melancholy disasters.
You may not know dozens -- nay, HUNDREDS of composers have been busily writing operas, just as thousands have been typing books, and hundreds of thousands have made TV shows for the big screen. Our culture mistakes busy for excellence. Can anyone doubt the last decent American composer was Lenny B -- and he died in 1990? (And he wrote an "opera" too, A Quiet Place -- another melancholy disaster.) Remember when NEWS HACKS jumped up and down over those ENDURING MASTERWORKS Nixon in China and The Death of Klinghoffer, written by some throroughly desiccated academic who'd be completely forgotten except he shared a name with our second president? Where are they now? Heck we've already forgotten that fine conductor and tuneless composer Andre Previn's adaptation of A Streetcar Named Desire. Can anyone doubt, on the evidence of grand opry alone, and in every particular, our culture STINKS?
[An American Tragedy] add[s] one more generic, musically faceless American opera to a growing heap of melancholy disasters.
You may not know dozens -- nay, HUNDREDS of composers have been busily writing operas, just as thousands have been typing books, and hundreds of thousands have made TV shows for the big screen. Our culture mistakes busy for excellence. Can anyone doubt the last decent American composer was Lenny B -- and he died in 1990? (And he wrote an "opera" too, A Quiet Place -- another melancholy disaster.) Remember when NEWS HACKS jumped up and down over those ENDURING MASTERWORKS Nixon in China and The Death of Klinghoffer, written by some throroughly desiccated academic who'd be completely forgotten except he shared a name with our second president? Where are they now? Heck we've already forgotten that fine conductor and tuneless composer Andre Previn's adaptation of A Streetcar Named Desire. Can anyone doubt, on the evidence of grand opry alone, and in every particular, our culture STINKS?
Another Hollywood flack searches desperately for a way to save his beloved movie biz -- and can't find one.
As Nietzsche once wrote, "that which does not kill us makes us stronger"....
We know, we KNOW, your CORPSE refuses to DIE.
"Movies that fail fall on their faces. They don't just stumble on their knees," says Nina Jacobson, Disney's production chief. "We have to win back the trust of the audience that moviegoing is going to be worth the money, time and energy it takes to experience it."
Here's another well-paid jackass who believes watching a movie should be WORK.
"When I first started the job three years ago, everybody asked me what my intention for the studio was," says Jeff Robinov, Warners' production president. "And it's really about filmmakers and writers." Yet trust those same people too much and you end up with ... Sony's "Bewitched."
Isn't it always? It isn't about the moviegoers.
The next generation of movie fans may avoid the multiplex and take in the latest releases on their iPods, wi-fi laptops, Xboxes or Bluetooth cellphones, devices that often can provide a better entertainment value than many movie theaters.
I'd gladly watch Gone with the Wind on a cellphone.
And here's Moronna Dargis's MOVIE OF THE YEAR:
Miramax's "Best of Youth," among the year's best-reviewed movies, nearly required moviegoers to take a day off: It ran over six hours and grossed just $274,000.
Not long enough.
[I]t's fair to wonder if such 2006 movies as "Poseidon," "Basic Instinct 2: Risk Addiction," "The Omen 666" and "The Santa Clause 3" are part of the solution ... or part of the problem.
Any industry run by DR. EVIL and SAMMY GLICKMAN...never mind.
And now, our sacred industry's NEW MOTTO:
"Next time, I'll wait for the DVD."
You may not have to.
As Nietzsche once wrote, "that which does not kill us makes us stronger"....
We know, we KNOW, your CORPSE refuses to DIE.
"Movies that fail fall on their faces. They don't just stumble on their knees," says Nina Jacobson, Disney's production chief. "We have to win back the trust of the audience that moviegoing is going to be worth the money, time and energy it takes to experience it."
Here's another well-paid jackass who believes watching a movie should be WORK.
"When I first started the job three years ago, everybody asked me what my intention for the studio was," says Jeff Robinov, Warners' production president. "And it's really about filmmakers and writers." Yet trust those same people too much and you end up with ... Sony's "Bewitched."
Isn't it always? It isn't about the moviegoers.
The next generation of movie fans may avoid the multiplex and take in the latest releases on their iPods, wi-fi laptops, Xboxes or Bluetooth cellphones, devices that often can provide a better entertainment value than many movie theaters.
I'd gladly watch Gone with the Wind on a cellphone.
And here's Moronna Dargis's MOVIE OF THE YEAR:
Miramax's "Best of Youth," among the year's best-reviewed movies, nearly required moviegoers to take a day off: It ran over six hours and grossed just $274,000.
Not long enough.
[I]t's fair to wonder if such 2006 movies as "Poseidon," "Basic Instinct 2: Risk Addiction," "The Omen 666" and "The Santa Clause 3" are part of the solution ... or part of the problem.
Any industry run by DR. EVIL and SAMMY GLICKMAN...never mind.
And now, our sacred industry's NEW MOTTO:
"Next time, I'll wait for the DVD."
You may not have to.
Ho-hum, the American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers uses graffiti because it's "edgy."
And we wouldn't be surprised if it's frequently done it without permission, and festooned permanently in many places. Corporate America has no sense of responsibility outside the one forced on it by law.
And of course St. Warren, being St. Warren, is upset because it's not "real." You NEVER WERE, St. Warren.
And we wouldn't be surprised if it's frequently done it without permission, and festooned permanently in many places. Corporate America has no sense of responsibility outside the one forced on it by law.
And of course St. Warren, being St. Warren, is upset because it's not "real." You NEVER WERE, St. Warren.
Christians are adopting the worst behaviors of the culture at large. Pop "music" stinks? We'll make our own that stinks as bad. Horror movies corrupt our youth? We'll make one that really corrupts them. Now Christians are doing movie ad-blurbing, because there's no way of protesting the culture that doesn't bequeath instant publicity. And Michael "Ninny" Medved and Dr. James "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!" Dobson have proved they can make a skunk smell with the best of them. Wave the white flag, Christians: BIGMEDIA win again, and you've dumbed yourselves down GOOD.
This story seems to have been inspired by the late GLIBERAL's leavings. He is the LAST person who should inspire any form of writing, except pink slips.
This story seems to have been inspired by the late GLIBERAL's leavings. He is the LAST person who should inspire any form of writing, except pink slips.
Sunday, December 25, 2005
Another proof of America's decline, told by a house:
The birthplace of composer Cole Porter is getting a winter makeover.
The 1860s-era house, which has about 21 rooms, had fallen into disrepair over the years. It had been split into several apartments, and police found a methamphetamine lab in one of the apartments two years ago.
The renovations will include repairing the foundation, rebuilding four porches, replacing wiring and plumbing and installing heat and air conditioning.
No doubt the knuckleheads who ran the meth lab hadn't the foggiest idea who Cole Porter was, let alone that he lived there, although one must assume they had nothing but foggy ideas.
The birthplace of composer Cole Porter is getting a winter makeover.
The 1860s-era house, which has about 21 rooms, had fallen into disrepair over the years. It had been split into several apartments, and police found a methamphetamine lab in one of the apartments two years ago.
The renovations will include repairing the foundation, rebuilding four porches, replacing wiring and plumbing and installing heat and air conditioning.
No doubt the knuckleheads who ran the meth lab hadn't the foggiest idea who Cole Porter was, let alone that he lived there, although one must assume they had nothing but foggy ideas.
Yahoo's interns are at it again on the home page:
• Rice's popularity seen gaining as Bush's wains
And when it wains, it pours.
• Rice's popularity seen gaining as Bush's wains
And when it wains, it pours.
I have my doubts about the usefulness of Amazon.com's reviews (I've written a few myself) as they're a bouillabaisse of the tasty (rarely) and the inedible (mostly), with the frequent stomping of fanatics' feet and spelling and grammatical errors galore. Still we reviewers are capable of wisdom, though we may not know it. I came across this compendium of 1-star reviews of famous books, and while some are stupid, a few have the nugget of truth in them, as in:
Lolita (1955)
Author: Vladimir Nabokov
“1) I’m bored. 2) He uses too many allusions to other novels, so that if you’re not well read, this book makes no sense. 3) Most American readers are not fluent in French, so to have conversations or interjections in French with no translation is plain dumb. 4) Did I mention I was bored? 5) As with another reviewer, I agree, he uses a lot of huge words that just slow a person down. And it’s not for theatrics either, it’s just huge words mid-sentence when describing something simple. Nothing in the sense of imagery is gained. 6) Also, to sum it up, it’s a story about a pedophile.”
Mrs. Dalloway (1925)
Author: Virginia Woolf
“The only good thing to say about this “literary” drivel is that the person responsible, Virginia Woolf, has been dead for quite some time now. Let us pray to God she stays that way.”
The Sound and the Fury (1929)
Author: William Faulkner
“This book is like an ungrateful girlfriend. You do your best to understand her and get nothing back in return.”
The Sun Also Rises (1926)
Author: Ernest Hemingway
“Here’s the first half of the book: ‘We had dinner and a few drinks. We went to a cafe and talked and had some drinks. We ate dinner and had a few drinks. Dinner. Drinks. More dinner. More drinks. We took a cab here (or there) in Paris and had some drinks, and maybe we danced and flirted and talked sh*t about somebody. More dinner. More drinks. I love you, I hate you, maybe you should come up to my room, no you can’t’… I flipped through the second half of the book a day or two later and saw the words ‘dinner’ and ‘drinks’ on nearly every page and figured it wasn’t worth the risk.”
How do you find these reviews?
P. S. Has anyone noticed the unfavorable reviews get fewer "useful" votes than the favorable ones? I've never figured that out, unless people like to be flattered.
Lolita (1955)
Author: Vladimir Nabokov
“1) I’m bored. 2) He uses too many allusions to other novels, so that if you’re not well read, this book makes no sense. 3) Most American readers are not fluent in French, so to have conversations or interjections in French with no translation is plain dumb. 4) Did I mention I was bored? 5) As with another reviewer, I agree, he uses a lot of huge words that just slow a person down. And it’s not for theatrics either, it’s just huge words mid-sentence when describing something simple. Nothing in the sense of imagery is gained. 6) Also, to sum it up, it’s a story about a pedophile.”
Mrs. Dalloway (1925)
Author: Virginia Woolf
“The only good thing to say about this “literary” drivel is that the person responsible, Virginia Woolf, has been dead for quite some time now. Let us pray to God she stays that way.”
The Sound and the Fury (1929)
Author: William Faulkner
“This book is like an ungrateful girlfriend. You do your best to understand her and get nothing back in return.”
The Sun Also Rises (1926)
Author: Ernest Hemingway
“Here’s the first half of the book: ‘We had dinner and a few drinks. We went to a cafe and talked and had some drinks. We ate dinner and had a few drinks. Dinner. Drinks. More dinner. More drinks. We took a cab here (or there) in Paris and had some drinks, and maybe we danced and flirted and talked sh*t about somebody. More dinner. More drinks. I love you, I hate you, maybe you should come up to my room, no you can’t’… I flipped through the second half of the book a day or two later and saw the words ‘dinner’ and ‘drinks’ on nearly every page and figured it wasn’t worth the risk.”
How do you find these reviews?
P. S. Has anyone noticed the unfavorable reviews get fewer "useful" votes than the favorable ones? I've never figured that out, unless people like to be flattered.
Hmmm -- do I smell something?
Way too many books in 2005
Too many new books seem to be trying to catch the eyes of a dwindling number of buyers. Almost 200,000 new titles appeared in 2004, according to the latest count, a 14 percent jump from 2003. A quarter of those titles came from vanity presses and "print on demand" subsidy publishers, leaving nearly 150,000 from legit-- er, traditional publishing houses.
But for another depressing year, overall book sales in the United States were down, just like newspaper circulation, suggesting the slow hemorrhage of print literacy in America is even worse than had been thought. (Just last week it was reported that the English literacy of the average American college graduate had dropped steeply over the last decade.)
Surely there's a TON OF GENIUS in all this pulp; but who has time to read 200,000 books? Maybe the book biz is suffering because there is too much genius -- just as the profusion of genius in the film biz seems to have cut audiences, even in the arthouse circuit?
Way too many books in 2005
Too many new books seem to be trying to catch the eyes of a dwindling number of buyers. Almost 200,000 new titles appeared in 2004, according to the latest count, a 14 percent jump from 2003. A quarter of those titles came from vanity presses and "print on demand" subsidy publishers, leaving nearly 150,000 from legit-- er, traditional publishing houses.
But for another depressing year, overall book sales in the United States were down, just like newspaper circulation, suggesting the slow hemorrhage of print literacy in America is even worse than had been thought. (Just last week it was reported that the English literacy of the average American college graduate had dropped steeply over the last decade.)
Surely there's a TON OF GENIUS in all this pulp; but who has time to read 200,000 books? Maybe the book biz is suffering because there is too much genius -- just as the profusion of genius in the film biz seems to have cut audiences, even in the arthouse circuit?
The Prince of Wales, who was christened Charles Philip Arthur George....
So why not Charles Philip Arthur George I?
So why not Charles Philip Arthur George I?
Alas, there's a lump of coal in our stocking today: WALTER "THE SPYWARE COWBOY" WINCHELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'S ON THE AIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Moronna is quickly establishing herself as one of the BIG THREE of GODAWFUL MOVIE AD-BLURBISTS:
"BATMAN BEGINS," "The Beat That My Heart Skipped," "Capote," "Darwin's Nightmare," "Duma," "Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room," "The 40-Year-Old Virgin," "Funny Ha Ha," "George A. Romero's Land of the Dead," "Good Night, and Good Luck," "Grizzly Man," "Head-On," "The Holy Girl," "Howl's Moving Castle," "In Her Shoes," "Keane," "Match Point," "Millions," "Mondovino," "Mysterious Skin," "No Direction Home: Bob Dylan," "Police Beat," "Pulse," "Red Eye," "Rize," "The Squid and the Whale," "The Sun," "Syriana," "The Talent Given Us," "The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada," "Three Times," "Tony Takitani," "Tropical Malady," "Waiting for the Clouds," "Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit," "Who's Camus Anyway?" and "The World."
Was this a good year for the movies or what?
We'd guess it was a good year for the movies if you lived in the arthouse circuit and had an endless taste for navel staring. We note too the few commerical films on the list (excepting the Wallace and Gromit flick) were either politically or culturally PC. So this random assemblage of words proves what?
The brutality of this market also means that today's film lovers, especially those living outside the major movie markets, often have to work harder and wait longer than they might like to see the good stuff, but the good stuff is out there - if not necessarily at the local multiplex, then in film festivals, video stores, mail-order rental outfits and those online companies that sell movies from around the world.
Why should anyone have to WORK to see a movie? Once people could just enter a theater and see a reasonably decent flick. When the audiences for some of these masterworks number in the thousands -- in the HUNDREDS -- doesn't that mean chances are they're NOT decent flicks? And since we mention "video stores, mail-order rental outfits and those online companies that sell movies from around the world", doesn't that mean we're not watching movies, and with them the special aura ad-blurbists always yelp you can get only in a theater, but glorified TV shows, most likely shot with video equipment? And if these are glorified TV shows what's so special about them?
Moronna, the Lord God Pinch should put YOU in TimesReject. Maybe someday He will.
P. S. A writer who used to by-line himself Steven X. Rea pulls the same stunt in our local rag, saying movies are better than ever -- and citing for his top-10 all arthouse flicks. This KLUMPH! KLUMPH! of the hacks is increasingly infuriating.
"BATMAN BEGINS," "The Beat That My Heart Skipped," "Capote," "Darwin's Nightmare," "Duma," "Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room," "The 40-Year-Old Virgin," "Funny Ha Ha," "George A. Romero's Land of the Dead," "Good Night, and Good Luck," "Grizzly Man," "Head-On," "The Holy Girl," "Howl's Moving Castle," "In Her Shoes," "Keane," "Match Point," "Millions," "Mondovino," "Mysterious Skin," "No Direction Home: Bob Dylan," "Police Beat," "Pulse," "Red Eye," "Rize," "The Squid and the Whale," "The Sun," "Syriana," "The Talent Given Us," "The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada," "Three Times," "Tony Takitani," "Tropical Malady," "Waiting for the Clouds," "Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit," "Who's Camus Anyway?" and "The World."
Was this a good year for the movies or what?
We'd guess it was a good year for the movies if you lived in the arthouse circuit and had an endless taste for navel staring. We note too the few commerical films on the list (excepting the Wallace and Gromit flick) were either politically or culturally PC. So this random assemblage of words proves what?
The brutality of this market also means that today's film lovers, especially those living outside the major movie markets, often have to work harder and wait longer than they might like to see the good stuff, but the good stuff is out there - if not necessarily at the local multiplex, then in film festivals, video stores, mail-order rental outfits and those online companies that sell movies from around the world.
Why should anyone have to WORK to see a movie? Once people could just enter a theater and see a reasonably decent flick. When the audiences for some of these masterworks number in the thousands -- in the HUNDREDS -- doesn't that mean chances are they're NOT decent flicks? And since we mention "video stores, mail-order rental outfits and those online companies that sell movies from around the world", doesn't that mean we're not watching movies, and with them the special aura ad-blurbists always yelp you can get only in a theater, but glorified TV shows, most likely shot with video equipment? And if these are glorified TV shows what's so special about them?
Moronna, the Lord God Pinch should put YOU in TimesReject. Maybe someday He will.
P. S. A writer who used to by-line himself Steven X. Rea pulls the same stunt in our local rag, saying movies are better than ever -- and citing for his top-10 all arthouse flicks. This KLUMPH! KLUMPH! of the hacks is increasingly infuriating.
Finally, a meek request: I see the CIA in MOUNTAIN VIEW may be limiting my hits again, for reasons known only to its investment bankers. I do hope you'll pay a little heed to this site in the coming year, and that not all my hits will be accidental. That's my lone request for a Christmas gift.
And now to cut-and-paste some pictures from Yahoo! News, as I always do this day (down in thirty days; I must find a better site):
A Christmas tree in Sydney, Australia (it's winter down there?);
A Christmas tree in Newport Beach, California;
A Christmas tree in Osh, Kyrgyzstan (who's that fellow standing next to it?);
A Christmas tree in Taipei (well, an unreasonable facsimile);
Two Christmas trees in formation before the West Wing;
A Christmas tree in Manhattan;
A Christmas tree in Dubai (or as the caption notes, "Christian expatriates in the Gulf enjoy increasingly more freedom to worship and celebrate feasts, especially Christmas, except in Saudi Arabia, where non-Islamic practices still lead to jail and deportation");
A Christmas tree "in the center of the divided capital Nicosia, Cyprus");
A Christmas tree in Red Square (isn't that pretty?);
A decoration on a Christmas tree in Lugano, Switzerland;
A Christmas tree before the Brandenberg Gate;
A chocolate (?) Christmas tree in Bangkok'
A Christmas tree in Lisbon;
A Christmas tree before the Town Hall in Brussels;
Christmas trees (of sorts) in St. Petersburg;
And finally, some British soldiers decorating a Christmas tree in Baghdad;
And some "Iraqi Christian children" decorating a tree in "a Roman Catholic church in central Baghdad."
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
(More to come, if I feel like it.)
A Christmas tree in Sydney, Australia (it's winter down there?);
A Christmas tree in Newport Beach, California;
A Christmas tree in Osh, Kyrgyzstan (who's that fellow standing next to it?);
A Christmas tree in Taipei (well, an unreasonable facsimile);
Two Christmas trees in formation before the West Wing;
A Christmas tree in Manhattan;
A Christmas tree in Dubai (or as the caption notes, "Christian expatriates in the Gulf enjoy increasingly more freedom to worship and celebrate feasts, especially Christmas, except in Saudi Arabia, where non-Islamic practices still lead to jail and deportation");
A Christmas tree "in the center of the divided capital Nicosia, Cyprus");
A Christmas tree in Red Square (isn't that pretty?);
A decoration on a Christmas tree in Lugano, Switzerland;
A Christmas tree before the Brandenberg Gate;
A chocolate (?) Christmas tree in Bangkok'
A Christmas tree in Lisbon;
A Christmas tree before the Town Hall in Brussels;
Christmas trees (of sorts) in St. Petersburg;
And finally, some British soldiers decorating a Christmas tree in Baghdad;
And some "Iraqi Christian children" decorating a tree in "a Roman Catholic church in central Baghdad."
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
(More to come, if I feel like it.)