Posted 9:35 PM by Gene

This must be a slow news week (get it?) -- JonBoy's putting Twenty Questions on current affairs on his cover. Is "What You Need to Know Now" a challenge to Useless News? And are we really supposed to be less ignorant than newsrag editors? Elsewhere we wallow in wealth -- "stealthily", which is the only natural thing a news hack can do.

Posted 6:53 PM by Gene

Equality has come to weddings: the women waste money on fancy gowns, the men waste money on bonding.

At times like these there seems an inkling of an advantage to being single -- just.

Posted 1:19 PM by Gene

And as a friend of Daniel Pearl's discovers too late, when you sell your story to Hollywood (to paraphrase Merle Travis) you sell yo' soul to the company sto'.

Happily even the most high-toned movie S&M phreaks seem to realize it, and are avoiding this PC lecture in droves.

(Via -- alas -- MS. TRAVERS)

Posted 11:10 AM by Gene

As those three of you who regularly follow my blog may know, what's bad news for the B. O. is good news for me. And we seem to have very good news across the board this weekend: GOODTHINGS ENTERTAINMENT's attempt to condescend to Christians is doing less well than expected. So is some horror movie from "MGM" (UA! UA!!!!!) -- and especially so is that PC Daniel Pearl movie. (When the hacks in their usual ein-volk-ein-Reich-ein-reviewer mode all called it a MASSSSSSSSSSSTERPIECE you just KNEW.) And SLIME's legions must be ecstatic their latest sci-fi ride is down 72% weekend-to-weekend. Hey, it's a hit, isn't it? In short, the road to A RECORD B. O. SUMMER FOR 2007!!!!!! has hit a three-foot-high speed bump.

Posted 10:38 AM by Gene

No! ESPNCorp's Tarzan theme park in Branson East is closing -- 10,000 performances before it was supposed to!

Another MICKEYMOUSE NIXON innovation bites the dust.

(Via MyWay)

Posted 10:16 AM by Gene

Show me the way to go home.
I'm tired and I wanna go to bed....

Go, GO, World's Oldest Adolescent!

Posted 10:14 AM by Gene

Stories we did not read further:

Clift: Joe Biden's horse sense on Iraq

We could say a word or two should be replaced, but then we'd have to choose the words.

Posted 10:11 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: Women should get to earn big money spouting obscene slant rhymes too!

We should remember this was part of the Knight-Ridder empire. New ownership does not seem to have rid this rag of its high regard for the pee-PUL.

Posted 10:09 AM by Gene

Before we boo-hoo at all the innocents dying in Afghanistan, we may want to consider this:

Children as young as six are being used by the Taliban in increasingly desperate suicide missions, coalition forces in Afghanistan claimed yesterday.

The International Security Assistance Force (ISAF), to which Britain contributes 5,000 troops in southern Afghanistan, revealed that soldiers defused an explosive vest which had been placed on a six-year-old who had been told to attack Afghan army forces in the east of the country.

The boy was spotted after appearing confused at a checkpoint. The vest was defused and no one was hurt.

Don't the holy cockroaches have any pride? Don't they have any sense?

Posted 10:04 AM by Gene

How many stolen cars come back to their rightful owners? How many stolen cars might be making the trek now like this one -- on eBay?

(Via USAOKAY!!!!!.com's On Deadline)

Posted 9:57 AM by Gene

JERNALISTS are PONDERING how the FORCE of EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL will destroy the GREATEST NEWS ORGANIZATION KNOWN TO MAN -- for being a CONSERVATIVE.

They would of course not PONDER how giving donations to Democratic candidates by a 9-to-1 ratio would destroy their business. They would not ponder how "setting agendas" would destroy their business. They would not ponder how fifth-rate writing and constant errors would destroy their business. They would not ponder how talking to the peon public from Mt. Olympus would destroy their business. No the news hack's self-regard will endure long after he's destroyed his business.

Posted 9:55 AM by Gene

ABC and NBC End Race to Interview Paris Hilton

Translation: They were both embarrassed to be throwing millions at her. (They? embarrassed?!?)

Posted 7:05 PM by Gene

Meantime the Center for American Progress (I HATE these anodyne names for screaming-meemie partisans left or right) says in so many words the solution to all these NAZIS on the radio is the Fairness Doctrine, but it is shrewd enough not to use a term from which emanates a smell. And it too summons some impressive numbers:

The selection models was [SIC] specified as:

shows = α + β1(minownsta)i + β2(femownsta)i + β3(singleown)i + β4(localown)i + β5(mktpop)i + β6(pctminor)i + β7(starev)i + β8(newsform)i + β9(talkform)I + ξi

The outcome models were specified as:

consta = α + β1(minownsta)i + β2(femownsta)i + β3(singleown)i + β4(localown)i + β5(mktpop)i + β6(pctminor)i + β7(starev)i + ξi

progsta = α + β1(minownsta)i + β2(femownsta)i + β3(singleown)i + β4(localown)i + β5(mktpop)i + β6(pctminor)i + β7(starev)i + ξi

TRANSLATION: We want to censor people we disagree with. Cut the comedy clowns and admit to it!

(Via reclaimthemedia.org)

Posted 6:57 PM by Gene

LIAR LIAR BROCK'S ON FIRE would seem to make a fairly persuasive case that the public has grown just to the right of ultra-left (or as he must say, "progressive"), but we must keep in mind a few things: 1. It's Liar (which pretty well guarantees no one will take it seriously -- n'est-ce pas, Da-vid?); 2. It's news-media-concocted polls, and 3. We suspect a con-SER-va-tive organization could concoct its own proof the public has grown right. Whatever the case, it is irksome to have yet more people convince us polls are the substance of wisdom, and the truth of polls is the God's truth.

(Via something called marketingcharts.com via Media Buyer Planner)

Posted 5:30 PM by Gene

European leaders were this evening close to agreement on a revamped constitution after France won a symbolic watering down of the EU's 50 year commitment to a free market economy.

Tony Blair, attending his last EU summit as Prime Minister, was forced into an embarrassing u-turn after being outmanoeuvred by the French President Nicolas Sarkozy over the removal of a commitment to "free and undistorted" competition in a list of the EU's defining objectives.

So much for THAT conservative.

Posted 5:24 PM by Gene

And why shouldn't the line between jernalism and MARKETING "blur"? The line between "reporting" and PROPAGANDIZING blurred a long time ago.

Posted 5:16 PM by Gene

QED: Someone with a site called JournalismProfessor.com (NUF SAID) screams and whines and pouts that 99.9 PERCENT OF ALL JERNALISTS DO NOT GIVE TO CAMPAIGNS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -- then sheepishly discloses that he donated $1,125 to Deval Patrick.

Or to quote from a lyric I've quoted before:

You help me
Like a burglar helps Fort Knox.
You help me
Like the fox hunt helps the fox....

KEEP HELPING, CHRIS!

(Via -- where else? -- Romy, who was sorta hoping he was helping)

Posted 5:11 PM by Gene

Judging from "Magnum's funniest pictures" either the folks at Stale.com have a strange sense of humor, or none.

Posted 1:31 PM by Gene

Love him or hate him, though, Bonds sells.

The Red Sox continued their consecutive sellout streak with Bonds in town last weekend. More remarkable, the Brewers sold 112,020 tickets for the three games this week, with no crowd less than 35,000.

Whatever's* good for $ELIGI$M.

Posted 11:30 AM by Gene

Another cash cow of sorts is the convention center -- because it never stops mooing for cash. Our StinkyInky, which can make George Babbitt seem like the enemy of civic boosterism, has been gung-ho for our convention center expansion even though it admits it will lose tens of millions (EDDIE!!!!! reasoning it's supposed to bring in all sorts of tourist dollars -- get it?). Now Gov. REFORM of Noo Yawk may spend $4 billion -- only $7,272.73 a SQUARE FOOT! -- on an expansion of his own, money that could go to more useful pursuits...like football stadiums.

The convention center expansion is the civic equivalent of breast implants.

Posted 11:20 AM by Gene

Phoenix, AZ NAMED THE NO. 1 SWEATIEST CITY
IN AMERICA IN SIXTH ANNUAL OLD SPICE SWEATIEST CITIES STUDY [SIC!!!!!]

And how many hundreds of thousands -- millions -- did the boys in CINCINNATI burn to concoct this boneheaded stunt in the hopes of further insinuating themselves in Hollywood, a city that doesn't sweat at all?

Posted 11:15 AM by Gene

It's all well and good for JFK Lincoln to offer an "ethics plan", but so did Slick, and so did The World's Oldest Adolescent, and so did Dubya (somewhere), and so did SPEAKER BABS, so forgive us for thinking in a second term there'll be the usual scandals.

Posted 9:16 AM by Gene

A eulogy from Paul Greenberg:

What is to be said of Kurt Waldheim on his death? One might as well try to judge a machine. And yet attention must be paid. Because large organizations-armies, governments, corporations, international agencies-have no conscience of their own. They must depend on individuals to supply it. And when an individual with some administrative skill not only follows orders, but refines and processes and initials them, making sure they will prove highly effective, there is no limit to the evil that can be accomplished.

Posted 9:08 AM by Gene

BEFORE HE WORKED FOR FOX NEWS. . .:

Britt Hume was a commie symp. Well, not exactly, but he was the target of CIA surveillance in the early '70s, according to the agency's "family jewels" documents that are being declassified. Today's WaPo reports:

Personal surveillance was conducted on [Jack] Anderson and three of his staff members, including Britt Hume, now with Fox News, for two months in 1972 after Anderson wrote of the administration's "tilt toward Pakistan."

--Jason Zengerle

posted 08:50 a.m.
Comment | E-mail The Plank | Email this post | Return to top

[SIC!!!!!!!!!!]

Yes Jason, I think you guys have been spending TOO MUCH MONEY on Democrats.

P. S. DAMMIT! The WaPo CORRECTED IT. Oh well, Jason still doesn't know better.

Posted 8:49 AM by Gene

NBC News in $1B Deal for Paris Hilton Chat (NYP) [SIC!!!!!] [MediaBistro hed]

Now we know celebrity "news" has gone TOO FAR.

Posted 8:43 AM by Gene

Okay, Jo-NAH, we're suspicious of "compromise" too, as it usually means compromise for our side (i.e., the news hacks'), and yes, Honorary Mayor Mike is a very rich ass, but let's have more of the constant screaming of the last several years, of all Tarzana and St. Cindy all the time. Maybe you like it, Jo-NAH -- which suggests you may be deaf.

Posted 8:31 AM by Gene

It's sad when civilians lose their lives in war, but this is how the holy cockroaches operate: by planting themselves among civilians, and shrewdly believing inevitable casualties will result in wailing and gnashing of teeth from unbiased, nonpartisan, Democratic-contributing news hacks. And we wonder too how many of the civilians are culpable; if they don't know of what the holy cockroaches are up to there's a good chance some of them approve, which makes them that much more reckless.

Posted 8:30 AM by Gene

Fatso's tantrum over 9/11 did nothing (except in the fringes) and it's likely his tantrum over health care will do nothing, but by yelling in meaningless debate over it we can delude ourselves into believing we're doing something.

Posted 9:35 PM by Gene

"Collapsing", "liquidation", "contagion" -- we sure hope the casino operators of Wall Street don't have a surprise waiting for us with their wheeling-dealing in subprimes, but when the boys put their minds to creating a financial crisis, it's hard to stop them.

Posted 9:29 PM by Gene

Another MICKEYMOUSE NIXON innovation bites the dust: ESPNCorp will no longer make direct-to-video spinoffs of its best-known animations. The purists will say these factory seconds cheapened the putative founder Mr. Disney's spirit, but the more we learn of Uncle Walt the more we learn of how the banks forced him to compromise his artistic vision (which, we might add, was still a thousand times greater than MICKEYMOUSE's), and at any rate, it's a little late in the day to blast a company that issued R movies to make friends with ad-blurbists for having compromised itself.

(Via FilmStew.com via ShowBizData)

Posted 6:22 PM by Gene

When a fellow turns down a chance to manage a team things with the team must be p-retty bad.

Posted 6:20 PM by Gene

Gov. Rod Blagojevich's practice of flying from his Chicago home to the Capitol in Springfield and back for daily budget negotiations is costing Illinois taxpayers more than $5,800 a day -- roughly $76,000 since late May and climbing.

Coffee, tea or boondoggle?

Hey, he's entitled. Didn't he used to be in the House, where they had their own bank and post office?

Posted 6:18 PM by Gene

Hutchison to defy GOP on immigration bill

Strange -- when it came to illegal immigration we thought the GOP stood for amnesty and punishment at the same time.

Posted 6:10 PM by Gene

To the extent we can trust John McLaughlin's former sidekick, and that's little further than the tip of our nose, we do wish Dubya showed this kind of guts more often, meeting as he did with a courageous Chinese cardinal and defender of freedom; but then the guts are swamped by the stubbornness, and the hubris.

Posted 6:07 PM by Gene

Honorary Mayor Mike is a tax-and-spender -- who's a "success" because of the booming Wall Street casino -- and because he's a just-plain-old-spender besides?!?

Heaven forfend!

Posted 5:41 PM by Gene

So much for the conventional wisdom: maybe the problem is Dubya talks to the hacks too much!

Maybe he figures it's Bushisms all the way anyway.

Posted 3:49 PM by Gene

Lebanon's defense minister says Islamic militants have been defeated and the month-long "military operation is over" except for mopping up.

Why am I thinking, the most likely riposte to this is "we'll see about that"?

Posted 3:47 PM by Gene

Jo-NAH, that you needed WALTER WINCHELL!!!!!!!!!!'s help in finding that story of news hacks' campaign contributions says you can't surf the Web without a walker.

Posted 1:50 PM by Gene

THE EDWARD R. MURROW and ERIC SEVAREID OF COMEDY have their OWN NEWS WEB SITE!

Think pundits running out of things to say will mention this one soon?

P. S. From the looks of things I'd say it's clips 'n' interns -- but what do you expect from SUMNER?

Posted 1:47 PM by Gene

Little Jeffy decides he wants to try for that $1 TRILLION market cap after all.

Posted 9:30 AM by Gene

One Labour MP privately lamented that with still another week to go before Gordon Brown succeeded Tony Blair, the move "reinforces the impression that nobody's in control. Anybody with any common sense would have blocked this," said the MP.

Who says anyone in The World's Oldest Adolescent's government has any common sense?

(Via ArtsJournal)

Posted 9:28 AM by Gene

Why Honorary Mayor Mike may want to run: he'll have an official flack sheet in The Paper of Re-CORD!

Posted 9:10 AM by Gene

SKNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNX has the shakes: Ah-NULT's WONDERFUL cooperation with the Democrats may be "in peril" because -- let me guess -- Ah-NULT isn't Democratic enough?

Was ever a colyumnist more predictable and tiresome than SKNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNX? Why didn't he give money to someone so we could make fun of him? Oh. He's unbiased and nonpartisan.

Posted 8:45 AM by Gene

Shhh, don't say anything, but:

Journalists dole out cash to politicians (quietly)

And aren't WE surprised:

MSNBC.com identified 144 journalists who made political contributions from 2004 through the start of the 2008 campaign, according to the public records of the Federal Election Commission. Most of the newsroom checkbooks leaned to the left: 125 journalists gave to Democrats and liberal causes. Only 17 gave to Republicans. Two gave to both parties.

Unbiased nonpartisan MORONS.

P. S. THE LIST.

How unexpected: all eleven effete snobs with The New Yorker gave to Dems, including David Den-BEH and Bert Lahrson, which lends further credence to the notion Pauline Kael never knew anyone who voted for Nixon. Nine Bloomies supported Dems, which would mean Honorary Mayor Mike will have strong support for HIS run. And three "Ds" at the Journals, so we know why SLIME is THE force of EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL.

Double-dealing neutral IMBECILES.

Posted 8:35 AM by Gene

For generations, homebuyers have had one simple rule drilled into their heads: Whatever happens, keep paying the mortgage. If you don't, you risk losing your house and all the equity you've built up in it.

But for many subprime borrowers, that doesn't seem to be the rule of thumb anymore. They are now more likely to be late on their mortgage than on their credit card, according to a new study from Experian Group, the Ireland-based company that maintains a huge database of consumer credit histories.

TRANSLATION: People do not need a roof over their heads in order to EAT.

Posted 8:33 AM by Gene

Why Bloomberg May Not Want to Run

For starters, America does not have 300 million liberal Northeastern billionaires.

Posted 8:25 AM by Gene

Carey rumored to replace Barker

Makes sense. He looks like



Bill Cullen.

Posted 8:22 PM by Gene

There'll always be a CANADA:

Canadians have never been able to create a comic book superhero of the first rank. The few they have are not fit to hold the cape of Superman. Why?... more»

(From Arts & Letters Daily's home page. And note the URL)

Posted 5:10 PM by Gene

The Dow Jones quest is turning into a farce. It would not have been a farce had SLIME not been thought the FORCE of EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL for being CONSERVATIVE. Had SLIME been a mere GanNETt hireling or that overgrown Tom Sawyer lookalike at the Clatch people would have Gallically shrugged their shoulders and sighed. Happily the "winner" of this farce will receive damaged goods, and an extremely big bill.

Posted 4:57 PM by Gene

Home secretary evokes Monty Python to defend Rushdie

We have not commented on Salman Rushdie's knighthood to date figuring it's the province of cheap politicos. Several pundits are saying he got it after a concerted effort by the left to prove we can live in peace and harmony and what-all. Some have other plans. That said Rushdie's getting this alleged honor (even more alleged given the speed and plenitude with which The World's Oldest Adolescent has dispensed it) for PC reasons, and clearly he doesn't deserve it because The Satanic Verses was nothing if not a provocation on the holy cockroaches, and people died as a result, though the rioting was prompted by the basest demagogues; worse, now the "civilized world" must defend the values of a man who may not have them outside of taunting people who may deserve to be taunted. That headline, with its painful double meaning, says it all.

Posted 4:56 PM by Gene

Texas Crowd Kills Man After Car Hit Girl

Mob "justice" is obviously not through yet.

Posted 4:51 PM by Gene

Bloomberg says he's no White House candidate, giggle giggle [Last two words added]

Posted 4:48 PM by Gene

With its eerie parallels to YouTube this movie "slide show" of pioneering silent shorts suggests our culture is returning to its infancy. Just one difference, though: nothing suggests the second time around that it will grow up.

Posted 12:33 PM by Gene

How surprising: rich people -- and yes, these include the dolts who run the media -- don't need ads to tell them what to buy, all the better so that rich people -- including the dolts who run the media -- can inflict more bad product on us.

Posted 10:34 AM by Gene

Ambitious WSJ staffers without principles will like Murdoch

How big is that majority?

Posted 10:31 AM by Gene

GE sees rapid Mid East growth, eyes Islamic finance

SaaaaaAAAAAaaaaay, maybe that's why Wall Street's croupiers have talked themselves into thinking GE BANCORP may hit $1 TRILLION!!!!!

Posted 10:24 AM by Gene

MORONS:

And mirroring this year's strong market for scatter inventory, many of the networks seemed to be getting high single-digit increases in CPMs. ABC, sources said, was capturing CPM increases of 10% or more above last year's upfront prices. That's despite -- and in many cases because of -- a 10% overall decline in viewership.

Here the junk-television financiers of Battle Creek just engaged in unilateral disarmament for financing too many cartoons with their sugar cereals, and others are sure to follow, and yet these idiots are burning more of OUR money on junk television than ever! One would hate to see what would happen if ratings really declined.

Posted 9:53 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: GOODTHINGS ENTERTAINMENT needs an excuse for the $200 million it's poured down another movie sinkhole, and it's found it by slathering itself promiscuously over the religious beliefs of people who hate the biz, and whose hatred we can return in spades except when greater gods are at stake.

Posted 9:45 AM by Gene

MGM MIRAGE SHARES FALL 9% AT OPEN AFTER KERKORIAN ABANDONS PROPERTY BID

Does this mean even in Vegas (a city that also has a good case of condo-itis) there's only so much money you can throw at conventioneers and chronic gamblers?

P. S at 12:26 p.m. No. Veg is the ultimate expression of the Greater Fool Theory.

Posted 9:20 AM by Gene

Mr. Stossel, that knee-jerk right-wing TV news hack in a jungle of knee-jerk left-wing news hacks, blows a gasket over the Bugmeister:

He told the grads, "The market did not reward saving the lives of these children [in poor countries], and governments did not subsidize it. So the children died because their mothers and their fathers had no power in the market and no voice in the system."

WHAT IS GATES TALKING ABOUT?

Can he name ONE poor country that permits the free market to operate?!? [Full-throttle-capitalistic overemphasis added]

Actually we'd wager lots of poor countries have capitalism, only it's called corruption.

Posted 9:17 AM by Gene

Elsewhere in that sometimes singularly annoying arts site, we learn some professional multisyllablists at something called Leeds University have done an excellent imitation of a chemical plant violating the law in the name of creating dozens of new Perfesser Thompsons.

Posted 9:12 AM by Gene

ADAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hires a new classical-music critic?!?!?

He doesn't like being called a philistine?!?!?

(Via ArtsJournal)

Posted 8:30 AM by Gene

Phil Donahue Strikes Back

Phil who?

Posted 8:25 AM by Gene

Liv Tyler 'Definitely' Wants Plastic Surgery

Wouldn't it be more news if some overpaid overexposed Hollywood blowhard didn't want plastic surgery?

Though judging from some of their faces and figures they need it.

Posted 8:22 AM by Gene

Aw come on, Zuck, we could have run a better hed: MONEYBAGS TO GOP -- DROP DEAD!

Posted 8:19 AM by Gene

Is BizWeek paying a little too much attention to the Big C's promo?

Posted 8:15 AM by Gene

Speaking of Him, The Paper of Re-CORD is siccing SLIME with a MASSIVE INVESTIGATIVE REPORT, through all 600 of its bureaus -- to discover the RESIDENT EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL in Him -- because He's CONSERRRRRRRRRVATIVE!!!!!

Posted 8:12 AM by Gene

SLIME wants to trade His stake in MySpace for some Yahoo!, meaning 1. The jig is up, 2. He wants to "monetize" His worthless property before the shareholders get wise (peculiar way to do it), or 3. Between this and Dow Jones the much-vaunted MASTER OF THE UNIVERSE doesn't have the foggiest idea what He's doing.

(Via MyWay)

Posted 9:10 PM by Gene

We suggest China build a road all the way up Mt. Everest as it's become such a tourist attraction anyway. Then at least someone could clean up all the garbage left by so many expeditions.

Posted 6:36 PM by Gene

HONORARY MAYOR MIKE'S RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT AS AN "INDEPENDENT"!

Was he EVER a Republican?

How does Mike and Hole-in-the-Bagel sound? Exciting. How about the TWXSTERS' team of Mike and Ah-NULT?!? Is he willing to be vice-president?

Hey Mike! If you want to hear David "SKNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNX" Broder praise you why not just put him on your payroll? It would be cheaper.

Posted 5:58 PM by Gene

Jim "Paper Bag" Nussle's about to become Dubya's budget boss!

Put your -- budget cuts where your mouth is!

Posted 5:38 PM by Gene

Elsewhere in our favorite trade site of the broad¢a$ting trade: SLIME and the ROOTKIT Co. are starting a Web channel with (another ugly coined word) "minisodes." It won't do to dismiss this as the Reader's Digest of TV series; if shows can be presented in three-to-five-minute bites there'd seem little need for elaborate series -- and the costly commercials they help justify.

Posted 5:37 PM by Gene

We couldn't care less, but some people predicted Anna Nicole's "judge" would pick up a TV show, and sure enough, he has, so maybe he can make almost as much as Anna Nicole's heirs.

Fat chance.

Posted 5:30 PM by Gene

"Difficult to fathom"

Not really. Put short-circuits in buildings full of stuffed furniture (and most likely without sprinklers) and built to suburban-mall-ticky-tacky standards and it's a wonder more firemen haven't lost their lives.

Posted 5:26 PM by Gene

A man who plays a fat broad in his -- upcoming next picture has his finger on the problem of school violence:

"I still think that if you analyze most of the school shootings, it is not gun control. It is [psychotropic] drugs at the bottom of it!!!!!" [Emphasis added]

And if we put those funny boxes of yours in every school that cures the problem. Sure, Edna, sure.

Posted 5:23 PM by Gene

OH oh, the House Republicans tell Dubya where he can stick his amnesty.

Of course it probably isn't going anywhere with Queen Louise running the show, but then amnesty isn't going anywhere either.

Posted 5:19 PM by Gene

We don't know if ROSIE's close to being the next YOU-KNOW-WHO in terms of making us peons banshee-scream through excessive "reporting", but she's getting there.

Posted 10:06 AM by Gene

Mr. Bloomberg painted a picture of politicians in Washington dithering as America runs aground. "THE COUNTRY IS IN TROUBLE!!" was his grim refrain.

AND I'M THE MAN TO...er, let me think about it. [Country-saving overemphasis added]

Posted 8:46 AM by Gene

People will not stop goggle-eyeing media, will they? Now Dan Snyder, who's trying to get into the Guinness Book for the most money wasted by an NFL owner on stupid investments, is buying dick clark productions (or however they spell it) for $175 million, so he can get to produce tacky awards shows and boast to his friends. We can't see any other reason.

Well, one: he's the producing partner of the COUCH-JUMPING GOD.

Posted 8:42 AM by Gene

Serves 'em right: The hacks were so busy huffing and puffing about the Wall Street Journals Liberal Edition's IN-DE-PEN-DENCE and so busy scrounging for new suitors that now there's talk Little Jeffy and Co. might lay off workers and shut editions!

This will happen when you TELL THE TRUTH.

Posted 6:59 PM by Gene

Now -- on what mode of transportation does Barry Bonds* belong?

Posted 5:47 PM by Gene

In still further news of money wasted, the Senile Chamber is throwing billions toward the formation of new services and agencies and pork projects in the name of energy efficiency.

U.S. lawmakers are keen to show that they are acting to take pressure off consumers and get tough on Big Oil.

Like the bullet getting tough with the foot.

Posted 5:45 PM by Gene

"We hope that today's resolution will begin to bring the Duke family back together again, and we look forward to working with the University to develop and implement initiatives that will prevent similar injustices and ensure that the lessons of the last year are never forgotten."

At one of America's most PC schools and the second home of Dickie V, they will be.

Posted 5:30 PM by Gene

In further news of money wasted, the Minnesota Vikings have acquired a voracious appetite for property, all the better to sate their even greater appetite for tax dollars.

Posted 5:25 PM by Gene

Yes, LET'S negotiate with the Taliban. Let's negotiate with holy bombers and head-loppers and woman-imprisoners. That way we can engage in further negotiations for our unconditional surrender.

Posted 5:19 PM by Gene

Indiana has just thrown an $875 million bone at a Chrysler supplier -- and, by extension, at the Three-Headed Dog.

It's still unclear whether the jobs will be filled by new hires or existing or laid-off Chrysler workers in Kokomo.

TRANSLATION: This is a make-work scheme. FURTHER TRANSLATION: Let's see if the Three-Headed Dog can "rationalize" this plant.

Posted 5:17 PM by Gene

Admission of an Internet phreak and statutory rapist:

He kept a live journal and posted pictures of himself with his long brown hair flowing loosely or pulled back in a ponytail. On one site, he described himself as a laid-back person who is easy to get along with and likes "things that are dark, gloomy and depressing."

"For whatever reason they cheer me up," he wrote on FaceTheJury.

You certainly chose one, didn't you guy.

Posted 5:11 PM by Gene

If you want to know if Tony Soprano died, sign the petition

THE INTELIGENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNTSIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA WILL NEVER SHUT UP!

Posted 4:56 PM by Gene

Mr. Warner Bros. quits!

Or was he fired?

He's replaced by Mr. Human Rights, which means it will probably make little difference.

Posted 12:19 PM by Gene

Hey guy, just because the Dems stink doesn't make your party smell that much sweeter.

Posted 12:08 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: Tom Friedman makes millions consulting in print -- pardon, colyumning -- which allows him to copy repeatedly from past colyumns, which means he never has to worry about working again.

Posted 10:46 AM by Gene

And Little Jeffy's not finished -- he may waste MILLIONS and MILLIONS on THE EDWARD R. MURROW OF COMEDY!!!!!

Yep, this will completely squelch the spinoff talk.

(Via MediaBistro)

Posted 10:23 AM by Gene

A busy day for Romy! First, he tells us Little Jeffy's going to piddle away his shareholders' money on Dow Jones anyhow so the primadonnas can keep control! That should calm down the talk of spinoffs. Second, he tells us SOB thinks PILLHEAD's an IDIOT! This we will accept as definitive, as SOB's an idiot in his own way.

(Second link changed 8/2/2009; story taken down)

Posted 9:46 PM by Gene

I think if NASCAR and AT&T can get together and calmly realize they're in it together for the luxury boxes and the tax breaks, and to let the help have it on Mondays, this will come to a peaceable conclusion.

Posted 9:38 PM by Gene

The horrible reality is slowly dawning upon the likes of David "NON" Germain and his close friend PAUL DRECK that with the TENTPOLES' B. O. falling like flies this might not be the ALL-TIME RECORD SUMMER they'd hoped for; but such will happen when you produce GROSSES instead of MOVIES.

Posted 8:24 PM by Gene

Congress kills two birds: It helps agribusiness by pushing ethanol and the oil biz by forcing cancellations of refinery expansions!

And it helps the taxpayers by raising gas and food prices! That's a pretty good deal if you ask me!

Posted 8:22 PM by Gene

GE BANCORP has UNIONS? I thought LEGENDARY WELCH took care of those.

Posted 3:38 PM by Gene

Great news for hackers:

Chips Let PCs Get Turned on Remotely

Posted 12:48 PM by Gene

Kaplan said he's seen it once. "It's a nice little show," he said. He compared it to "a poor man's `West 57th Street,' [sic] a reference to a defunct CBS newsmagazine.

Ooooh, Danno! He insulted your show! We ought to fight back with an investigative report on Rick Kaplan! Uncover some secret memos! How 'bout it, Courage?

Posted 11:31 AM by Gene

Has anyone noticed that Nancy Drew has evidently bombed at the popcorn restaurants? This is the sort of product THE CONSPIRACY manufactures solely for politics -- to prove it's one with the pee-PUL, all the better to justify excreting torture porn. Just one problem: the audience can see through it -- that part of the audience that hasn't abandoned the movies, knowing THE CONSPIRACY will never make a good one again.

Posted 11:19 AM by Gene

So the voters want a Democrat to win -- who can blame them after Dubya hiding in the White House basement? -- but they don't want that Democrat to win. Can't blame them for that either.

Posted 10:53 AM by Gene

Enraged Fatah leaders on Saturday accused Hamas militiamen of looting the home of former Palestinian Authority chairman Yasser Arafat in Gaza City.

"They stole almost everything inside the house, including Arafat's Nobel Peace Prize medal," said Ramallah-based Fatah spokesman Ahmed Abdel Rahman. "Hamas militiamen and gangsters blew up the main entrance to the house before storming it. They stole many of Arafat's documents and files, gifts he had received from world leaders and even his military outfits." [Emphasis added]

Sniff, sniff.

(Via Spectator.org)

Posted 10:43 AM by Gene

Speaking of St. Warren, we resent stories like this because the hacks are trying to TELL US SOMETHING, in boldface, caps and italics. What they are trying to TELL US is that women should be the fathers and men should be the mothers. Such occasional scribbling vaguely smells of feminist man-hatred and a certain gloating, and it's often anecdotal. That it appears on FATHER'S DAY definitely TELLS US SOMETHING. In short, it's scribbling with an agenda, and news hacks have boasted of their superiority to their retarded readers often enough. Such condescension is further offensive because its whole point is to try to turn a minor into a major, and screw us up. How many stories have celebrated graffiti? And vagrants? And tattooing? And now they're everywhere, and normal. Sorry St. Warren, this is one reason the news isn't worth paying for anymore, for all we get is the same old recyclables.

Posted 10:41 AM by Gene

Little Jon has some splainin' to do: He puts the Gaza woes on our front page -- and plugs a movie in two of his foreign editions? Isn't it usually the other way around?

I guess Gaza doesn't "matter" in Asia and Latin America, right Little Jon?

P. S. The film is apparently uber-PC, and we suspect that and the humanitarian's bad PR may have cost it the cover in the U. S.

P. P. S.

The film is based on the best-selling book of these events, written by Mariane and former NEWSWEEK editor Sarah Crichton.

Ohhhhhhhh, the fact it's based on a property written by someone who works for a rag with CAPITALS makes the difference. TRANSLATION: This is logrolling for synergy. A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD to SEAN!