Eugene David ...The One-Minute Pundit |
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED: I know more than you. I make lots more money than you. I'm smarter than you. I'm sexier than you. I appear on TV all the time. I work ten minutes a day. I rule the universe. I'm going to live forever. You are an idiot. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2: A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3: I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity. --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4: News isn't news when we don't report it. PERMALINKS: THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE! Blogroll Me! |
Saturday, November 18, 2006
Posted
3:53 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:46 PM
by Gene
Who could have thought the CANCER-STICK BIZ would make the JUNK-ON-THE-SCREEN TRADE look respectable?
Posted
1:41 PM
by Gene
A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD to NEKESI MOODY MUMBI! MOODY NEKESI! WHATEVER!
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11:33 AM
by Gene
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9:28 AM
by Gene
It appears too the TWXSTERS' CGI is taking audience away from DreamWorks's writedown. Could it be, SAMMY GLICKMAN, there are too many CGIs?
Posted
9:14 AM
by Gene
Bob Dylan at the Spectrum Blinq | Daniel Rubin: A listenable guide to the voice like sand and glue. Shows from 1966-1975. So -- does that mean the guide is more listenable than the voice?
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9:02 AM
by Gene
I would not hold my breath that it goes to double digits. Friday, November 17, 2006
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4:56 PM
by Gene
Universal Music Sues MySpace.com for Copyright Infringement
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4:51 PM
by Gene
Appearing after the all the voting wrapped up, Boehner and his new leadership team seemed anything but shell-shocked. Ebullient as ever, Boehner promised three different times in his brief remarks that the House GOP would "earn" its way back. Exactly how wasn't said because more pressing matters were at hand. Prompted by a FOX [SIC!] News producer, Boehner fessed up that today was his birthday and led his fellow Republicans in a brief birthday ditty. [Emphasis added]
Posted
4:43 PM
by Gene
Let's remember the way most of you hacks practice it that JERNALISM IS stenography.
Posted
3:51 PM
by Gene
What gets the hacks like this? Why do they so vehemently believe movies are better than ever? Isn't there a SINGLE discriminating writer in the whole news trade?
Posted
2:30 PM
by Gene
FOR THE RECORD, FOX BROADCASTING HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE FOX NEWS CHANNEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "O'really?" (Via ShowBizData.com) P. S. “I have some stinky cheese in my refrigerator. It smells really bad, but people keep eating it.” You mean the stinky NEWS HACKS and your QUOTES, PERFESSER THOMPSON? (Via the inevitable Romy)
Posted
11:44 AM
by Gene
Yep, I think the guy's ready to be president.
Posted
9:03 AM
by Gene
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8:54 AM
by Gene
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8:48 AM
by Gene
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8:34 AM
by Gene
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8:26 AM
by Gene
It links on MediaBistro -- I'm not linking to THE SPYWARE COWBOY. Meantime the genius who sold Him MySpace has resigned, so we can hope His tyranny has a bad day on Wall Street.
Posted
8:17 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:52 AM
by Gene
DA POST is silent, perhaps permanently. Thursday, November 16, 2006
Posted
5:31 PM
by Gene
Somebody really ought to teach Larry how to use a computer (mightily difficult, no doubt) -- then he'd learn who owns TMZ.com.
Posted
5:19 PM
by Gene
Yum Brands Names Emil Brolick President of Brand Building
Posted
4:53 PM
by Gene
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2:50 PM
by Gene
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2:45 PM
by Gene
![]() Now that THE GREATEST 007 FILM EVER is out the ASSociated Press must remind us about how Woodster the Perv became THE expert on all things sexual. Couldn't someone at the AssPress have taken the time to identify the "unidentified actress"? P. S. Regardless of what the ad-blurbists might say our Casino Royale will be Burt Bacharach's; he wrote a spritely and humorous score (a tad repetitive, perhaps) that summed up the character and the age well -- it was far better than the movie, a long-winded bore. We wonder if Burt's shadow will hover over this new masterpiece, which sounds to our ears like an EXTREMELY SERIOUS and HUMORLESS WUHK, whatever the leading man's physique.
Posted
12:37 PM
by Gene
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11:49 AM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: PLEASE, PLEASE, WE'LL PAY $2 MILLION FOR A THIRTY ON AMERICAN IDOL!!!!! PLEASE, PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
10:27 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:30 AM
by Gene
Queen Album Named Britain's Best-Selling
Posted
9:23 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:11 AM
by Gene
ESPN doesn't seem to be worried. In an e-mailed response, ESPN spokesman Bill Hofheimer wrote that the ratings speak for themselves and that there are plenty of people happy with the broadcasts ... they just don't go on blogs to proclaim how satisfied they are. "While a small fraction of fans have voiced concern with the new approach, when was the last time a customer bought a computer and called Dell to say how much he/she loved the new monitor?" wrote Hofheimer. Hey Bill! Glad you mentioned DELL!
Posted
9:05 AM
by Gene
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8:54 AM
by Gene
She's going all out for TOTAL CRAP! "I hope you like your committee assignment, because it's the only one you're going to get." I smell -- REFORM!
Posted
8:45 AM
by Gene
RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! confesses. Or is He merely taunting? Okay SLIME: who sues to get the $2 MILLION back? P. S. The clown David Hinckley says we can stop RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! with on-off switches. Pffh-hh-hh hh hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
8:20 AM
by Gene
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8:16 AM
by Gene
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Posted
8:25 PM
by Gene
Needless to say the LI-TE-RA-RY BLOGS like this one and this one and this one have not mentioned the masterwork at all. What hermetically sealed buffoons.
Posted
8:02 PM
by Gene
Great strategy, Nancy!
Posted
5:09 PM
by Gene
O. J...oh, never mind. RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'S publishing madam says it's "a confession." TRANSLATION: We have to say that because otherwise we look bad. RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s competitors are furious. TRANSLATION: They're furious because they didn't get first dibs on it.
Posted
4:51 PM
by Gene
YOU'RE AN ASS!!!!!!!!!! WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
3:30 PM
by Gene
TV rights to 007 films stirred, not shaken Fox Squeezes OJ For Killer Ratings These are extremely typical of heds with idiot hooks. How many "Borat Make Glorious Box Office" heds have we endured? This is Sex, Lies and Videotape Syndrome, where EVERY editor had to use a pun on that title whether it was warranted or not. Okay, the second hed came from a "pure" Web site. But it also came from NEWS HACKS. This is surely a reason why one writer says newspaper circ isn't declining, it's in an avalanche -- and there's no reason news Web sites can't fall down the same cliff. (Link via Romy)
Posted
2:13 PM
by Gene
One problem is the new drivers lack sex appeal. TRANSLATION: Stock-car racing's turning into FILLUM.
Posted
2:08 PM
by Gene
"To be candid, we made more money in one Rolling Stones concert than the A's made (us) in a whole year. We will deal with it," De La Fuente said. But the whole point of building ballparks is wasting money, not making it!
Posted
1:53 PM
by Gene
Don't they have enough on their hands?
Posted
12:01 PM
by Gene
Time Warner Inc. Chief Executive Officer Richard Parsons defended his decision to keep AOL and said the Internet unit could be worth as much as $26 billion in the next few years. ``It's even conservative,'' Parsons said in an interview yesterday at Time Warner's headquarters in New York. Conservative -- compared to the $350 BILLION IN MARKET CAP you were once worth.
Posted
11:22 AM
by Gene
NAWWWWWWWWWW, this has NOTHING to do with it.
Posted
11:01 AM
by Gene
And the author of the Mickey Mouse Protection Act and co-builder of the Railroad to Nowhere is BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!
Posted
10:45 AM
by Gene
Uh, DAVE, you don't think that might be...a problem?
Posted
9:37 AM
by Gene
It's official: He's below primordial slime. BIG caveat: it's WORLDNETDAILY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Via MediaBistro)
Posted
9:34 AM
by Gene
Rule 1 of NEWSHACKDOM: Nothing is EVER your own fault.
Posted
9:30 AM
by Gene
Hey Harry! Were you partying at the funeral with LENNY?
Posted
9:17 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:09 AM
by Gene
Remember when virtually every TV show aimed to please, all but jumping into your lap and licking your face like a happy puppy? Those days, for any number of reasons, appear to be gone, at least for a while. Viewers now sit still for shows (a la ABC's "Lost") in which there may be no real closure or resolution to individual episodes, just the vague promise of a payoff somewhere down the line. Unfortunately for Diggs and company, prime time may have passed the saturation point on this kind of twisty serialized drama. Viewers may even be yearning for such mundane commodities as sense and sensibility once again.
Posted
9:04 AM
by Gene
There is also the remote possibility His latest affront may backfire on Him. P. S. at 3:50 p. m.: I guess they didn't shut up even a second: NOV. 15, 2006: I KNOW I'M FALLING INTO JUDITH REGAN'S TRAP ... ... even discussing this - but it still needs to be said: If there is such a thing as the pale of civilized society, Judith Regan has put herself outside it. Posted at 3:40 PM But not, we may presume, her Boss -- and the Boss of several of our contributors. By the way -- what's that deep hole you're climbing out of?
Posted
8:58 AM
by Gene
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8:57 AM
by Gene
-- John I think we know the answer to that question. Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Posted
2:35 PM
by Gene
Cle-VER, RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You increasingly want to rule America, and to do so You produce increasingly crappy entertainment that people overseas hate, that gets people hating us more. We can do without Your sympathy, RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
2:25 PM
by Gene
Why wasn't that its intent in the first place?
Posted
11:59 AM
by Gene
What SHALL we do, PINCH?
Posted
10:00 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:58 AM
by Gene
Her name doesn't show on any official list of American military deaths in the Iraq war, by hostile or non-hostile fire, who died in that country or in hospitals in Europe or back home in the USA. But Iraq killed Jeanne "Linda" Michel just as certainly, as an article in today's Albany Times-Union suggests. Greg! You smiling?
Posted
8:38 AM
by Gene
Time to wield those brass knuckles, Nancy! There's ample reason to think that Americans cast a negative vote last week--not so much for Democrats as against Republicans. How soon does that shoe fit the other foot?
Posted
8:29 AM
by Gene
So that's why he did it! Some RNC members greeted the news as another example of White House cronyism.... I'd say the WaPost isn't the only paper that can macaca.
Posted
6:59 AM
by Gene
P. S. at 10:55 a.m.: Why is it every time I hear about this stunt it grows a little less funny? P. P. S. at 11:10 p.m.: Well -- not entirely: [B]ecause News Corp.'s 20th Century Fox likely didn't cut Cohen in on the movie's gross points--a percentage of the movie's revenues--he has missed out on a substantial payday. While Borat may go on to gross as much as $300 million, including overseas box office, DVD sales and TV deals, Cohen won’t see much more than his initial advance.
Posted
6:53 AM
by Gene
The urgent issue of Iraq should be decided by the people we elected, not a commission. If we'd wanted James Baker to run the country, we'd have voted for him. Monday, November 13, 2006
Posted
9:58 PM
by Gene
Posted
9:49 PM
by Gene
Something else for the Peacemaker Kofi to platitudinize on, and ignore.
Posted
9:25 PM
by Gene
Nothing a Speaker-Elect can't cure.
Posted
9:22 PM
by Gene
"The very nature of what made the season so compelling — ambitious and addictive serialized dramas — has made many viewers adopt none of them because their media menu is so full." When MEDIA BUYERS talk like MOVIE AD-BLURBISTS, complete with SENTENCES THAT MAKE NO SENSE, their continued misuse of OUR MONEY is assured. And alas, it's a can-you-top-this among these idiots, as witness this blarney.
Posted
6:43 PM
by Gene
Would it ever occur to anyone that the outfit that gave us Oil-For-Food and the Durban Conference (not to mention genocides everywhere) may be on slightly shaky ground?
Posted
5:41 PM
by Gene
P. S. at 9:45 p.m.: I don't know what to think of this story: was its star engaging in marketing -- or is RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?
Posted
5:25 PM
by Gene
Sirius spends $131 signing up each new subscriber, whether it's a Stern fan or not, double the cost at XM. And so far Sirius hasn't projected when it will actually book a profit. At that rate our prediction of eventual bankruptcy for the DOG Star doesn't look all that bad.
Posted
1:21 PM
by Gene
Google Video to Run Ads on User-Generated Content Video Blogger Headed to Time Warner's HBO Former CNN Anchor Launches Webcast Lycos to Launch 'Virtual Living Room' More and more, Webcasting sounds like a fad. I remember how the late Carroll Carroll presciently complained there wouldn't be enough talent to support cable -- and now comes B. S. DEFENDER'S nightmare-promise of billions of channels. Who's going to watch them? Who's going to finance them?
Posted
12:33 PM
by Gene
Can't some people THINK? (Via ROMY, who can be quite irritating at times; and I've substituted his link since Mr. RSTBE obviously wanted to pull a practical joke with his URL)
Posted
12:28 PM
by Gene
THE NEW CONGRESS....Did Democrats win last week by running a bunch of conservative candidates? I think Michael Tomasky gets things just about right in his LA Times piece today.... And Michael Tomasky writes for guess who? The American Prospect. This is like Jo-NAH praising an article in The Weekly Standard. Why do these pundit-clowns ponder in their own little hermetically sealed BOXES?
Posted
9:09 AM
by Gene
(Via ArtsJournal)
Posted
8:23 AM
by Gene
Then you see that guy who typed 15,000 words about the brilliance of this zillion-dollar news comedian has typed out more free associations on the "death" of the network news, and then you know -- all is right in the world...or at least Adam's world. Sunday, November 12, 2006
Posted
8:35 PM
by Gene
Let's see that famous iron discipline, Nancy!
Posted
8:21 PM
by Gene
You agree more than you think. You're both blunderbusses: Pat by screaming and banging his fists, you by screaming and banging your fists with a feather. He won't listen to the other side for sheer intolerance; you won't listen to the other side for sheer reason. He believes he's always right, you believe you're always right. No, you and Pat Buchanan agree a LOT more than you think.
Posted
3:47 PM
by Gene
Yes, we know, we know, it's a big hit, but how will it be any more remembered than Fahrenheit 9/11, except as a mass-induced headache? Happily THE CONSPIRACY can't entice people to stomach the rest of what it offers, and RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'S TRIUMPH is somewhat offset by Phone-Thrower's BOMB.
Posted
3:46 PM
by Gene
But it'll land Wal-Mart in the MONEY!
Posted
3:29 PM
by Gene
Posted
3:13 PM
by Gene
TIME: Can Democrats trust President George W. Bush enough to work with him? Pelosi: I think we have to start from a level of trust. On some issues where there is consensus, we can cooperate and build bridges of trust. TIME: Oblivious, in denial, incompetent, dangerous. Do you regret using any of these words to describe the President? Pelosi: No.
Posted
12:59 PM
by Gene
Posted
10:39 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:46 AM
by Gene
A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO DAVE! P. S. Rosie's Nephew's latest masterwork's going for $25.32 on hsx.com. That seems a little puny for THE NEXT CASABLANCA, n'est-ce pas? P. P. S. And just how much do people in the biz care to make good movies? Dave moves the super-CW proprietor of Hollywood Elsewhere to launch into a BIG discussion of CASABLANCA II's ASPECT RATIO! Hey moron! Have you been to the HAPPY FEET SITE?
Posted
9:42 AM
by Gene
Is America too [SIC] Racist for Barack? Too Sexist for Hillary? Is Barack Too Coy for America? Is Hillary Too Angry?
Posted
9:38 AM
by Gene
AS IF. P. S. YouTube's hit numbers may not be sacrosanct. How does that grab you, RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?
Posted
9:36 AM
by Gene
AS IF.
Posted
9:32 AM
by Gene
...the same government that has believed ELVIS is kaput.
Posted
9:30 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:28 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:26 AM
by Gene
The auction made $241,999 (including the buyers’ premiums) from the books, snapshots, furniture, bric-a-brac, clothes and memorabilia. Some items garnered amazing prices: $3,750 for a curved horn trophy that Capote claimed he'd lifted from Hemingway's house in Key West and $2,750 for a baby blanket crocheted by his Aunt Sook. But 74 lots didn't sell, including the tux he wore to his famous Black and White Ball 40 years ago this month. The sale's centerpiece was his "last manuscript," a handwritten account of a long-ago meeting with his literary idol, Willa Cather, that was estimated to sell for $20,000 to 30,000. In the end, it found no takers.
Posted
9:23 AM
by Gene
Had he ever left? Cover hijinx: our cover's in color; the rest of the world gets a black-and-white shot. What gives, JonBoy? What's your next trick (besides convincing people you're NUMBER ONE)?
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