Posted 9:20 PM by Gene

For those of us who knew Star Trek when it was a DESILU show on NBC (yes, LUCILLE BALL produced it -- briefly), there is a certain melancholy to this story. Gene Roddenberry was lucky the Peacock's bean counters were so stupid; they turned memorable (if preachy) sci-fi TV into what has to be called a FRANCHISE; on the other hand they can also be blamed for the birth of the GET-A-LIFE crowd that has ruined so much of entertainment and has made computing such a nuisance. That the series may have no future signals the hopeful possibility that the LUCAS SPIELBERG franchise, which did so much of its part to dumb down America, may not be forever either. But while part of us laughs at SUMNER and HIS bean counters over yet another predicament, we must mourn that it was once possible for TV to unite so many of us, and that a memory of our youth further drifts away.

Posted 7:34 PM by Gene

He said she said, and it comes down to your beliefs and your nationality, and the truth gets buried somewhere, even if it is on our side.

Posted 5:24 PM by Gene

It's bad enough they still want to build a SHARD; now it will be a TAXPAYER-FINANCED SHARD, a SHARD less a BUILDING than a 1,776-foot-high FOLSOM PRISON.

Anything for the tourists.

Posted 5:21 PM by Gene

When Technorati soon lists its 10,000,000th blog all the SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS will be emitting highly poisonous smells celebrating DEMOCRACY IN ACTION. Sure. You've got the democracy and all we peons have is a BLOG.

Posted 3:06 PM by Gene

Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I SUPPOSE you COULD call WALTER "SPYWARE" WINCHELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "an American institution" -- but so was WALTER WINCHELL, and (to say it again) he died in POVERTY and OBSCURITY. I guess SPYWARE has too many financial advisers for him to die in POVERTY.

Posted 2:54 PM by Gene

New Yorkers turn out in droves for the chance to dismantle Barbie phones and make them emit sounds they were never intended to produce. [Home-page teaser]

That's nothing. BUGMEISTER BILL's been getting computers to do things they shouldn't for DECADES.

Posted 2:47 PM by Gene

Elsewhere on the site THE SOB invented:

School mistakes huge burrito for a weapon

Hey people have mistaken USAOKAY!!!!! for...never mind.

Posted 2:44 PM by Gene

"American Pie" star Chris Klein pleaded guilty Friday to a misdemeanor drunken driving charge, was fined $1,800 and ordered to perform 150 hours of community service.

Hey, look what happened to Matthew Broderick! It could happen to YOU.

Posted 2:42 PM by Gene

Iran Threatens to Resume Plans on Nuclear Fuel

Hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo-hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Posted 2:33 PM by Gene

With what ST. WARREN'S INDULGENCES are worth it's about time He paid a DIVIDEND.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMEN!

Posted 12:11 PM by Gene

Mario Cuomo (Mario who? Isn't he one of the Super Mario Bros. or something?) awakens from a long, deep sleep to inform America that if it isn't careful, it could have exactly the same "tyranny of the majority" the country enjoyed for so many years under his party.

Nighty-night, Mario.

Posted 9:37 AM by Gene

Will the HACKS answer me this: why is the PORN industry such a shining star of America but every time you report on the sex slave trade you do so with a mighty frown? What's good for TIME WARNER....

Posted 9:33 AM by Gene

I'll say this again: STERNO can GLOAT till he's blue in the face and even greener in his bank accounts but something has SNAPPED in our psyche.

This is Exhibit A in why it may not be worth the bother to follow the news on the Web.

P. S. Hey STERNO! Why aren't you part of the blogger IPO? Or are you?

Posted 9:21 AM by Gene

Only in modern media-run publicity-mad America...oh, NEVER MIND.

Posted 9:18 AM by Gene

Retirement bill by June

Mess by July.

Posted 9:13 AM by Gene

Only in modern media-run publicity-mad America could some zillionaire ATTITUDINAL SLOB's holdout be a national crisis.

Now one could say at least we're spared the horror of what the news-consuming masses went through during WWII. But in their own way stories like these are almost as ruinous of our sanity. And we WON THAT war.

Posted 9:10 AM by Gene

Only in modern media-run publicity-mad America could a wedding ceremony become a national crisis.

Posted 5:12 PM by Gene

I have waited for the first blogger IPO. That eventuality seems a bit closer with an exclusive non-exclusive news service for bloggers (?!?!?!?!?). One suspects POP-UPS may be part of the deal as THE BLOGGERS OF THE MILLENNIUM are among the non-exclusively exclusive partners. I can imagine what would happen if I signed -- a form e-mail. Oh well, I may do it, just for a few laughs.

Posted 4:53 PM by Gene

CHEAP CHANNEL: MARK OF EXCELLENCE (pffh-hh-hh):

Clear Channel has become a major player in the theatre world in the last few years. After some infrequent investments in Broadway shows in the late '90s, Clear Channel in 2000 bought SFX, the concert venue owner and promoter that had earlier swallowed the beleaguered Canadian producing and theatre-owning outfit Livent. Since then, it has had a hand in producing 42nd Street, Sweet Smell of Success, The Graduate, Thoroughly Modern Millie, Hairspray, Movin' Out, Wonderful Town, Fiddler on the Roof, Caroline, or Change, Dracula, La Cage aux Folles, Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, Spamalot, All Shook Up, Sweet Charity and Lennon.

Superb entertainment -- and half of them probably lost money. I can see why CHEAP's running from the biz screaming.

P. S. Here in Philthydelphia the CHEAP had a plan to rebuild an "HISTORIC" movie house for more bus-and-truck companies and more third-rate rock acts and more dark nights. I guess that one's as dead as the theater. Tear it down and build a SUPERMARKET, I say. It would be MUCH more useful.

Posted 4:50 PM by Gene

One of THOSE days in TOENAIL.COMLAND:

Great Balls of Matzo
It's me vs. 420-pound Eric "Badlands" Booker for the title of world matzo-ball-eating champion.

Forced between matzoh balls and the EEEEEEEEEEEVIL of Dubya I'll take matzoh balls.

Posted 3:21 PM by Gene

All this endorsing of all these candidates the RANK-AND-FILE couldn't stand, but THE PAPER OF RE-CORD loved, so what happens? John Sweeney may have to LAY OFF a QUARTER of his staff.

This will happen when unions cease pleading the cause of their WORKERS and start pleading for EFFETE SNOBS.

Posted 11:38 AM by Gene

MORE EXCELLENCE IN CREDULOUS REPORTING:

Mass. 'treasure' claim called a theft; 2 diggers arrested

Police Chief Joseph Solomon told ABC's Good Morning America that authorities might never have suspected anything had the men not sought publicity.

"Sometimes wanting to be famous is really the downfall of people," Solomon said.

[Barry] Billcliff [one of the "discoverers"] insisted the discrepancies could be explained.

"It's like watching a car accident," he told [The Lawrence Eagle-Tribune].

But then you could say that of MOST news stories.

Posted 11:31 AM by Gene

IMPORTANT NEWS:

'Idol' finalist faced drug charges

Are YOU sick and tired of THE SWEEPS too?

Posted 10:30 AM by Gene

CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES waste precious resources on a sequel to THE DEATH OF SUPERMAN.

Meantime three networks thought THE SWEEPS more important than THE PRESIDENT, but then the way presidential press conferences are that might not necessarily have been such a bad thing.

P. S. TRIB gets an HONORARY NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD for helping with OUR JOINT VENTURE'S PR.

Posted 10:23 AM by Gene

"I recognized a long time ago that it gives people something that they can mock me for, and frankly, I'd rather that they mock me about my hair than that they mock me about my story selection or dumb interviewing style or whatever else they might focus on."

Watch it, LORD KOPPEL of ESPNCORP, when you become a GREAT GRAY EMINENCE ON PBS "they'll" find something else to mock you for.

Posted 9:53 AM by Gene

NCAA gives OK to 12th game

Ka-CHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NCAA President Myles Brand, who has supported academic reform among student-athletes, said Thursday that an additional game isn't likely to lead to academic difficulties among players.

"We have no evidence at all about negative academic consequences," he said. "The last two years we had 12 games (2002 and 2003), football student-athletes improved their graduation rates."

Hey! Why not go to an eighteen-game schedule like the PROS and graduate EVERYBODY!

Posted 9:03 AM by Gene

I am disappointed to learn that ANDY S. is gassing as much as ever. When he announced he was temporarily suspending his blog I took him at his word, and removed him from my bookmarks, but as I should have known you can never take a NEWS HACK at his word, especially a British one. I presume he is every bit as quixotic and melodramatic as usual. I don't know, and I really don't want to find out.

Posted 8:39 AM by Gene

EXCELLENT NEWS:

Clear Channel Communications Inc., the nation’s top radio broadcaster, on Friday said its profit fell by more than half in the first quarter as its plan to shorten ads and commercial breaks during programs dragged down revenue.

Clear Channel also announced plans to spin off its live-entertainment business and launch an initial public offering for 10 percent of Clear Channel Outdoor, which sells about $2.5 billion of billboard ad space each year.

TRANSLATION: People HATE your RADIO, little MR. MAYS, not EVERY Broadway show's a masterwork like KERNGERSHWIN HAMMERSTEIN'S, and look for the stock to TANK TODAY!

CORRECTION: Look for the stock to JUMP today as Cheap Channel shareholders delude themselves with their "special dividend"!

Posted 8:35 AM by Gene

MORE excitement on SLASHDOT: the BATMAN BEGINS TRAILER'S BEEN RELEASED!!!!!

These IMBECILES are worse than any BLOGGER -- IF THAT'S POSSIBLE.

Posted 8:23 AM by Gene

How many BILLIONS did ST. WARREN KNOW and WHEN did he KNOW THEM?

Posted 8:18 AM by Gene

GE BANCORP, a company fined untold MILLIONS over the years for its CORPORATE RESPONSIBILITY, dumps some MORE on the PUBLIC.

As in 357,000 GOOGLE HITS.

Posted 6:29 AM by Gene

Was it not yesterday that Ah-NULT was Ronnie Reagan Redux? And we were daydreaming that here was a con-SER-va-tive in a bulked-up wimp's clothing?

How the mighty do fall.

Posted 6:25 AM by Gene

Pentagon Releases Hundreds of Photos of Caskets

Satisified, St. Warren?

Posted 5:09 PM by Gene

The news peddlers -- these are some of the people who MUST suffer because the six- and seven-digit HACKS would RATHER BE RIGHT.

Meantime ROMY and his followers can go tsk-tsk, kick back, and look forward to another good-paying high-self-regarding day.

Posted 5:06 PM by Gene

Thankfully, record sales are down again this year, but we know better than to ascribe it to an outbreak of good taste.

Posted 5:01 PM by Gene

Playboy costs Miss France title

Since when have the FRENCH been PRUDES?

And they're always talking about US.

Posted 4:59 PM by Gene

"We have so wide-opened the [asbestos] bill now, in terms of medical criteria, that even if we pass this bill and fund it at $140 billion it will be dead in three or four years."

Well fund it for $300 billion and it won't be dead for seven or eight years. Fund it for a trillion and it won't be dead for fifteen or sixteen years. Fund it for a ZILLION and it'll NEVER die!

Posted 4:55 PM by Gene

Watch out, cartoons and robots, you're facing a hit-and-run by a flying antique car.

Posted 3:18 PM by Gene

And in clicking on a link in the frequently idiotic SLASHDOT site I found this page, which proves MOVIE PHREAKS (and EXCRETORS such as this one) are just like LITERAHTEEYURE PHREAKS only they have even WORSE taste.

Posted 3:13 PM by Gene

Another ARTSJOURNAL LINK-NUISANCE: When a writer takes to the CEEEEEEEEEEEBEEEEEEEEEE-uhCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE site to gush how many brilliant and witty literary bloggers there are, this means they're all cutely verbose, willing to like anything, engage in petty internecine squabbles that mean nothing outside the vacuum-packed world of LITERAHTEEYURE, and are proud to be logrolling. (You never know when they might come in handy writing a COVER BLURB.) In other words, they're GAWKER with PRETENSIONS. I'd love to find a good all around blog about books, but I'm not growing any younger, and having travelled endless cul-de-sacs on the Web I'm not anxious to find a thousand more.

Posted 2:50 PM by Gene

From HUMBUG SQUARE:

Alice Hawthorne is dead. Kathy Scruggs is dead. But Eric Rudolph is alive and well, patiently waiting for his CONSERVATIVE soul brothers to set him free.

Yeah. Like Dubya and Denny Hastert and Bill Frist, and maybe George Will and Chuck Krauthammer -- and who knows? Maybe a SOUL SISTER like ANN COULTER.

Linked by Romy, who's not Humbug Square, he's HUMBUG TRIPLE AND QUADRUPLE.

Didn't ERRAMERICA just apologize for BLAMBLAMBLAMBLAM? Did you LAUGHLAUGHLAUGHLAUGH, MR. HUMBUG?

Posted 12:24 PM by Gene

LINE OF THE WEEK:

Now that television has dumbed us down, will Internet TV weird us out?

Hasn't the Web weirded us out already?

Posted 12:16 PM by Gene

A JUXTAPOSITION on ARTSJOURNAL.COM:

Podcasting Notches An AM Radio Station

Followed three entries later by:

Sounds An Awful Lot Like Public Access TV

Posted 12:11 PM by Gene

Will someone explain to me why child porn is "THE LAST TABOO"? Why can't there be MORE TABOOS?

AND I DON'T MEAN PC ONES.

Posted 12:08 PM by Gene

I reserve the right to revise any post at any time to make it WITTIER. I hope to do this, however, as seldom as possible.

Posted 11:01 AM by Gene

Berkshire faithful stand behind leader

PRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAISE DE LAWD!

Posted 10:21 AM by Gene

The next time some self-serving envirofundraiser tells us something is EXTINCT, maybe we ought to say, YOU AREN'T LOOKING HARD ENOUGH.

Posted 8:56 AM by Gene

1,815 WORDS for a food fight over ratings points between two pair of zillionaire megalomaniacs, and all to see who can do the better job selling biases and books.

Posted 8:37 AM by Gene

RATINGS AND V-CHIPS ARE DEFINITELY THE ANSWER:

On April 9 a young black working mother came to midtown Manhattan to attend a public forum on hip-hop violence sponsored by the Rev. Al Sharpton's National Action Network. The event was prompted by a shootout, one month earlier, between rival rap entourages outside Hot 97, one of New York's leading radio stations.

When the station's general manager, Barry Mayo, recited the cliché that parents should control what their children listen to and watch, the young woman rose to her feet: "I have a 12-year-old son, and I fear for him every day. I don't let him watch the videos, but I can't do it all by myself. I need help!"....

Millions of Americans are fed up with the calculated coarseness that now passes for "edginess" in the entertainment industry....

WHY MUST THIS APPEAR IN THE WALL STREET JOURNALS CONSERVATIVE EDITION FREELOADER'S REVIEW?

Posted 8:20 AM by Gene

ST. WARREN ADMITS:

[U]nless a link is established between the journeys and his official actions, it doesn't appear that DeLay will face any civil or criminal worries.

However, that doesn't mean a link doesn't EXIST, and furthermore, even if SNIDELY WHIPLASH is found INNOCENT does not mean he will be found HONEST.

Posted 6:52 AM by Gene

We must honor GENIUS at every opportunity:

Performing rights organization ASCAP saluted the composers of scores for the year's top boxoffice features and television series at its annual Film and Television Music Awards, held Wednesday at the Beverly Hilton. John Debney received ASCAP's Henry Mancini Award for his contribution to film and TV music, and Mark Snow was honored with the Golden Note Award for 20 years of successful scoring. This year's film honorees include Debney, Marco Beltrami ("I, Robot"), Michael Giacchino ("The Incredibles"), Jeff Gibbs ("Fahrenheit 9/11"), James Horner ("Troy"), James Newton Howard ("Collateral," "The Village"), Gregor Narholz ("The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie"), Randy Newman ("Meet the Fockers"), Antonio Pinto (additional music for "Collateral"), John Powell ("The Bourne Supremacy"), Alan Silvestri ("The Polar Express," "Van Helsing") and Hans Zimmer ("Shark Tale").

Here are the Max Steiners and Alfred Newmans of today! WOW!!!!!

Posted 6:47 AM by Gene

And speaking of LOONY-LEFTISTS, here's one who must surely think ABORTION's the greatest thing since sliced bread, who was surely not unsympathetic to hearing the great news-hack and liberal chant of "Die, Terri, DIE!" -- and she worries that we're "throwing our sick away"?

PLEASE, madam, spare me your UNCTION.

Posted 6:40 AM by Gene

COURAGE, as defined by LOONY-LEFT HEARSTIES (YEEEEEEEECH!!!!!):

Trent Reznor (above, center) knows a thing or two about pain. The lead man for Nine Inch Nails has battled addiction, social phobia and writer's block. But Reznor has emerged from some dark times with a new album and a new outlook.

And COURAGE becomes even MORE COURAGEOUS when you have A NEW ALBUM TO SELL!

NIN plays the Warfield this week.

THANKS, HEARSTIES!

Posted 6:35 AM by Gene

And speaking of Vietnam, today -- we're CELEBRATIN'!

REMEMBER:

The U.S. casualties far surpass the dead in all other wars in which the United States has been involved since 1975.

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!

BUT:

The only high profile foreign visitor will be Cuban First Vice-President General Raul Castro Ruz, the communist nation's defense minister and regarded as Fidel Castro's heir apparent.

Shucks! Doesn't a VICTORY AGAINST IMPERIALISM DESERVE BETTER?

Keeping a "low profile" for WAL-MART, I guess.

Posted 6:32 AM by Gene

Don't worry, Mayor Byrne -- we'll always remember your work with the BLUES BROTHERS.

Posted 6:27 AM by Gene

Will the Abu Ghraib pictures become for NEWS HACKS what the pictures of the napalmed Vietnamese girl and our people fleeing from the Saigon embassy rooftop have become -- an exceedingly pleasant memory, a happiness to summon when THE FORCES OF EEEEEEEEEEEVIL prevail?

Posted 5:28 PM by Gene

Actors pretending to be patients with symptoms of stress and fatigue were five times as likely to walk out of doctors' offices with a prescription when they mentioned seeing an ad for the heavily promoted antidepressant Paxil, according an unusual study being published today.

Who says advertising doesn't work?

(A leading lede, I'll admit. But here's from another story:

Direct-to-consumer advertising of prescription drugs seems to increase the likelihood that physicians will prescribe those drugs, according to a study in the April 27th issue of the Journal of the American Medical Association. This can have mixed results in patient care, averting underuse in some cases and promoting overuse in others.

I'll say it again: Who says advertising doesn't work?

Posted 5:13 PM by Gene

Youuuuuuuuuuuuu stepped out of a dreeeeeeeeeeeeeam....

Washington, D.C. (Post Alum) [RAH RAH!! --Ed.]: Mike, former colleagues tell me that Don's editorial proclivities are sufficiently Republican that reporters are afraid to write stories critical of the administration. I heard that from several people. I believe it to be true. And I am convinced that it is a profound shame.

Michael Abramowitz: I have been on the National Desk for seven years, and I have seen no evidence of this.

Want further no evidence? See the answer to the FIRST QUESTION: 333 (!) TESTY WORDS that PROVE ST. WARREN'S CHERUBIM do NOT SLANT POLLS. SHUT UP, WAPOST NUMBER TWO NATIONAL EDITOR!

No thank you again, ROMY!

P. S. One of the loveliest songs, I should say -- especially Glenn Miller's version. Nacio Herb Brown and Gus Kahn wrote it.

Posted 4:57 PM by Gene

One last word on the cable oligopoly's cheap publicity stunt: if the biz had the honest contempt that it shows every day for its turnips it would launch a campaign called, "DON'T CENSOR OUR SHOWS!", featuring millions of "satisified" spokespoops saying how they didn't want Congress blahblahblah. Just two problems: America's ignorant advertisers might pick up on it (highly unlikely, as they want to be in with the in crowd, and as GOOD TASTE IS CENSORSHIP), and second, someone in Congress might pick up on it, and use the occasion to force the ROBERTSBARONS to justify what they air, perhaps offering up in a committee room a few choice scenes of what shouldn't be censored. I can see an exchange between an intelligent, forthright Congressman (I can dream, can't I?) and BRIAN ROBERTSBARON: "W-w-we have the V-chip!" " Yes, and you have the programs, and you intend to keep them on." "B-b-but w-w-we have the V-chip!" "And few parents care, and most kids can watch what they please." "Nobody's going to tell us..." "That's the problem -- nobody DOES tell you. AND THAT'S WHY PEOPLE HATE YOUR GUTS."

The time will come -- it won't be soon -- when the debate over decency takes a new twist, when it turns into a fight over how much media we UNWILLINGLY finance through ad revenues, subscription fees and cable tithes. Make no mistake: MEDIA RULE IS TAXATION WITHOUT REPRESENTATION.

It's a shame someone with deep pockets couldn't launch a counter-campaign on the industry for all its depradations to our culture, our sanity, and our bankbooks. And I have the perfect motto:

"TURN OFF CABLE."

P. S. Nothing from STERNO. Maybe even he believes he's too much the industry shill.

Posted 3:31 PM by Gene

Nixon, Bush, Clinton on $1 coin?

Why not a coin for every person in America?

Posted 3:10 PM by Gene

$250,000 a channel (mostly imaginary), $685 per day per channel (mostly imaginary), more visual JUNK on the screen (a TROJAN HORSE for MORE ADS DURING THE PROGRAMS THAT CAN BE SEEN ON TIVO), YOU still get to force us to watch what YOU want us to, we have NO choice in our cable line-ups, and meantime you spend BILLIONS OF (REAL) DOLLARS BRIBING CONGRESSMEN.

WE ARE NOT IMPRESSED.

Posted 3:05 PM by Gene

CIRCULATION INFLATION IN MILWAUKEE?

WHO'S NEXT?

According to the suit, Journal Sentinel counted as circulation papers that were:

• Distributed free to homes, businesses, on the street and at large gatherings such as Summerfest, parades and sporting events.

• Thrown into Dumpsters without ever having been distributed.

• Donated to schools.

• Distributed to apartment tenants as part of a scheme in which the subscription cost was included in the rent, then kicked back to the apartment complex manager.

Haven't YOU done that, RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!? MORT ZUCK?

Posted 1:44 PM by Gene

There will be two ways to view this sudden rush for HOUSE ETHICS:

1. The LIBERAL way: "NOW WE CAN HOUND THE MOST EEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL MAN IN AMERICA OUT OF THE CONGRESS!!!!!"

2. The CON-SER-VA-TIVE WAY: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!"

But then we're talking ETHICS, we means we're talking BLOVIATING AND PLATITUDINIZING EITHER WAY.

Posted 1:42 PM by Gene

"I've earned the right to just make things that I find provocative in my own way....I've earned the right to fail, which means making what I think are really great movies that no one wants to see."

As opposed, LUCAS SPIELBERG, to YOUR specialty -- really CRAPPY movies EVERYONE WANTS TO SEE.

Posted 8:46 AM by Gene

Two independent radio promotion firms have sued Universal Music Group, accusing the major label group of racketeering, fraud and breach of contract and alleging widespread abuses by Universal promotion executives. The plaintiffs seek damages in excess of $100 million. The suit claims that UMG and its employees "make up their own rules, which partially explains the targets on their backs painted by New York Attorney General Eliot Spitzer, who has recently launched a sweeping payola investigation of the major labels."

ELIOT NESS has taken to PAINTING?

Posted 8:31 AM by Gene

The MASTER of TWENTY-SEVEN UNIVERSES THINKS!

Microsoft is also asking Washington for help. [Richard F.] Rashid [one of the MASTER's sidekicks] said he was meeting with lawmakers and others this week to press for education improvements, more research spending by government and relaxed immigration rules to let companies hire more foreign employees.

TRANSLATION: "We'll double our money -- on the TAXPAYERS'! Bwahahahahaha!!!!!"

More ETHICS and MORALS coming.

Posted 8:24 AM by Gene

STEVE! Are YOU trying to be the next GLIBERAL? You're making a good start!

If I were you, GLIBERAL, I'd look over my shoulder, even if "The Man of the Quarter of a Century" IS older than you.

LINKED THROUGH ARTSJOURNAL.COM. CAN'T YOU MORONS LINK TO SOMETHING ELSE?

P. S. PINCH!! SMITE SOMEONE FOR THAT URL!!!!!

Posted 6:51 AM by Gene

Here's the problem with being one of the GREAT PHILOSOPHERS OF ALL TIME: you can make a decent point and even IT sounds like BULL.

Posted 6:42 AM by Gene

And in more ethics and morals, the NFL's tripling its drug tests -- BEFORE SEN. McSAINT AND THE HOUSE GOVERNMENT REFORM COMMITTEE.

Posted 6:36 AM by Gene

"Take Control. It's Easy."

You just tell parents you don't intend to be responsible and dump the problem in THEIR lap.

Yes, we know all about BELTWAY IMMORALITY, that's for sure.

Posted 6:33 AM by Gene

Partisan Divide on Social Security Widens

These hacks may think they help THEIR SIDE widening partisan divides, but how does it help the REST of us?

Posted 6:27 AM by Gene

It's only four grafs, but for the first time -- A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD goes to an INTERNATIONAL OUTFIT:

Lucas forced himself to write Episode III

So He could force all those infernal GEEKS to watch IT and the NEXT TWENTY SEQUELS He hasn't mentioned yet.

Posted 6:22 AM by Gene

It IS R. Emmett's guy, but we'd say he has it down right:

The Washington Post predicts that the "controversy over House Majority Leader Tom DeLay will trigger an ethics war" in the nation's capital. Just that phrase alone, "ethics war," exposes the phoniness of the concept. Does "ethics war" mean that D.C. pols will compete with each other to become better people? Does it mean they'll jostle with each other to see who's more faithful to the Ten Commandments? No, it means one faction of immoral operators will inspect the minor missteps of another faction, and hope they emerge from the petty contest looking more "ethical" in the eyes of the public so they'll acquire more power with which to advance immoral legislation....

The Post reports that the frenzy over DeLay has prompted the House to give members an "hour-long 'ethics briefing.'" Ethics in less than an hour. Not bad. A few moments straining at the gnat, and then the congressmen can go back to their lobbyists' feast on the camel.

And let us not forget the WaPost IS ST. WARREN's rag, and He IS a most ETHICAL God.

Posted 6:20 AM by Gene

YOUR HOLINESS, we know You must be trying to make SOME POINT about a "dead Republican" (as in "The only good Republican...."?), but was it necessary to put the WHOLE STORY in BOLDFACE?

Posted 8:34 PM by Gene

Is the one on the left John McEnroe?

Posted 8:29 PM by Gene

That's the nice thing about being SNIDELY WHIPLASH: no one will EVER know where the SLEAZE BEGINS.

For a while, anyway.

Posted 5:05 PM by Gene

REFORM in EHDYUKAYSHUN:

Come fall, all 28 private firms that provide after-school tutoring for 41,000 Chicago public school children are expected to be invited back, even if they've had poor results this year.

That's because the decision to renew the firms, which will earn up to $50 million this year, is governed by the federal No Child Left Behind Act and isn't up to CPS [Chicago Public Schools].

TRANSLATION: Ka-CHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And don't forget, ST. WARREN is in the TUTORING BIZ.

Posted 4:57 PM by Gene

Bono bunks at Bill Gates's house

THESE TWO MEN WILL SAVE THE WORLD!!!!!

(Except, of course, that the BUGMEISTER ALREADY RULES TWENTY-SEVEN UNIVERSES.)

P. S. Note that this is listed as "Offbeat News." Posterity cannot be pleased.

Posted 4:52 PM by Gene

Former Massachusetts Gov. William Weld said Tuesday he is seriously considering running for governor of New York if his fellow Republican, Gov. George Pataki, does not seek a fourth term next year.

What's the difference?

Posted 4:49 PM by Gene

Jackson Travel Agent Testifies

Will this trial from Hell ever END?

Posted 4:48 PM by Gene

Boeing Wins $6.9 Bln Order from Air-India

Well, for what it's worth, for now we won't be flying JOBS there.

Posted 4:45 PM by Gene

Someday, There Will Be a Fat Pill

This being in Toenail.com I fear someday there will be a liberal pill and a conservative pill.

Actually, there already is. The liberal PILL is Toenail.com and the conservative PILL is NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 8:48 AM by Gene

THE PAPER OF RE-CORD'S hiding something -- we're SURE THE PAPER OF RE-CORD'S HIDING something, it has to be in a story mentioning Paul Robeson -- but we'll just accept that Philip Morrison, builder of the first atomic bomb, saw the devastation at Hiroshima, and swore to prevent any further such destructions. We killed untold hundreds of thousands of civilians with the bomb, and it was the least a man of conscience could do.

We trust NEWS HACKS so much we now question the OBITUARIES.

Posted 8:29 AM by Gene

KMART's selling WHITE GOODS! In COLORS!

The MERGER's working out BRILLIANTLY! BLUE LIGHT SPECIALS on BLUE WASHING MACHINES!

Posted 8:06 AM by Gene

OKAY G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLEBLOGGER, I GET THE MESSAGE, NO MORE HITS UNTIL YOU WANT ME TO GET THEM!

ANOTHER REASON I HATE G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLEBLOGGER!

Posted 6:54 AM by Gene

And the truth tellers' side-taking antics undercut efforts to stymie groups filled with the utmost contempt for the public like the LEGAL DRUG TRADE, and its sock puppets in CONGRESS.

Posted 6:50 AM by Gene

Iraqi insurgency far from 'fizzling'

Is this the truth or a hope?

That we must ask such a question reveals how much NEWS HACKS have been willing to sacrifice their reputations to PARTISAN TABLE POUNDING.

Posted 6:41 AM by Gene

It's only NOO YAWK, and sure we'll hear a different tune down the road, but one would like to fantasize people have had it with this belching alcoholic and his let-'em-eat-cake Beltway coterie, but surely it's expecting too much.

Posted 6:38 AM by Gene

Speaking of the ST., He uses His paper to run another POLL COMMANDING REPUBLICANS to STOP.

Honestly, ST., isn't being worth umpteen billions and being the Messiah Reborn enough for You?

Posted 6:34 AM by Gene

If you were to prepare a list of the top 10 stories you will never, ever read in a newspaper, one of them would surely include a sentence beginning: "Thousands of angry, screaming moderates took to the streets yesterday demanding...."

That is true, E. J. but somehow we can imagine you starting an OP-ED column with such a line, which is why you've become ST. WARREN'S GLIBERAL, a man who seems willing to endanger his health to excoriate the PERFIDY of the right.

Posted 6:27 AM by Gene

Number of Uninsured May Be Overstated, Studies Suggest

More lies, more damned lies, more statistics.

The over-count appears to stem from technical problems with the Census Bureau's Current Population Survey....

Somehow, I am not surprised.

Posted 6:04 PM by Gene

Which brings me to another topic: BUGMEISTER BILL got excited today because whatever he can do in 32-bit he'll do better in 64-bit. In the center of the twenty-seven universes he rules over he must say every day, "I am the age's EDISON -- and no man has ever caused so much grief with technology bwahahahaha!!!!!" The comparison stops before it starts because Edison invented things, things that worked -- but the comparison isn't entirely inapt as Edison had visions of world domination through show-biz, visions the CODEWRITER of REDMOND has shared in weaker moments. Edison had a movie trust; the Bugmeister has a software trust. Edison made lots of recorded music. The Bugmeister has Windows Media Player. What is left of Edison's entertainment empire? Rotting nitrate stock and forgotten metal parts. Movies and recorded music lived, though they're now unwatchable and unlistenable. What will remain of the GENIUS of MICROSOFT after a dozen permutations of SOFTWARE?

Posted 5:38 PM by Gene

I hate to harp on this show by RICHARD RODGERS' GRANDSON, but by calling his music "intermittently melodious" John Simon confirms one thing: you cannot write musicals with mere technical excellence. Adam Guettel must know the ins and outs of Broadway shows as well as anyone; he surely learned every last bit of technique through diligent attendance at theater workshops (unlike, say, the Gershwins and the Berlins, who learned their technique on the street). But no amount of excellent technique will make up for a LACK OF INSPIRATION. Richard Rodgers' name will endure forever because of his abundant inspiration. For a simple comparison consider his daughter Mary -- Mr. Guettel's mother -- who wrote a couple of moderate hits in the fifties and sixties. Can you name ONE of her TUNES? And at least her shows had hooks; Once Upon a Mattress starred Carol Burnett, and she did a Mad magazine revue. But Mr. Guettel has written nothing but boutique musicals, small-scale musicals, successes d'estime, musicals for vest-pocket theaters, and there he will stay. I make something of this because we once did musicals very well; they were at the heart and in the soul of our culture. Now we have extremely stylizing ciphers and Ben Brantley's "cartoons" and "robots." When will people come to realize our culture's excellence and inspiration have already gone down the drain, and no amount of adjectives from AD-BLURB COPYWRITERS will bring them BACK?

Posted 5:23 PM by Gene

EXCELLENT NEWS: BLUNDER.COM WILL POST EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK! That means we can laugh and sneer SEVEN TIMES AS OFTEN!

Posted 4:59 PM by Gene

A thought occured to me: is the CW wrong about newspaper "decline"? When will circulation settle down to the hard core of people who knot their brows over CREDIT CARDS and pump their fists for John Kerry? Have the people who hate newspapers because of their bias and inaccuracy and groupthink and salesmanship and lousy writing already departed the premises? And we mustn't forget, so long as there are WILLFULLY IGNORANT ADVERTISERS, and so long as they use code words like BRANDING and DEMOGRAPHICS, there will be media -- including NEWSPAPERS.

Posted 4:57 PM by Gene

And in one last link to ROMY, can there now be any doubt MEDIA TYPES GIVE THEMSELVES TOO MANY AWARDS?

Posted 3:36 PM by Gene

The Game has been hit with a $280 million lawsuit by a man who alleges he assaulted him earlier this year.

A radio DJ claims The Game, real name Jayceon Taylor, and his entourage attacked him after an interview at a station near Washington DC - and that he then rapped about it in the song "Hate it or Love It".

Another [C]RAPPER makes a DOUBLE-BRILLIANT career move.

Posted 11:56 AM by Gene

No need to restate the obvious: holy cockroaches have a friend -- a collaborator, rather -- in The Osama Channel, and The Osama Channel has FRIENDS IN THE U. S.

Posted 10:53 AM by Gene

This is nonsense. The damfool late senator Strom Thurmond had a kid when he was 80. No, what some potential mom-and-dads should consider is whether they want to get up at 3 a.m. when they're 60.

Posted 10:31 AM by Gene

It would be nice to think you're concerned about the culture, Gil, but to quote one review of your book, "Still, censorship is out of the question for First Amendment absolutist Reavill, who says that adults who want smut should be able to get it. [No mention of that in your THINK PIECE, Gil.] What, however, ever happened to discretion, and can it be restored?" TRANSLATION: We can't -- and SHOULDN'T -- do anything.

Even some DEMOCRATS won't fall for THAT SHTICK.

Posted 10:16 AM by Gene

Promotional partners Pepsi, Burger King, Cingular Wireless, America Online, M&M/Mars and Kellogg are launching a multimillion-dollar cross-promotion to push their own brands while basking in the reflected glory of Hollywood. As partners, they get the rights to use Star Wars characters in their advertising.

"This will be a movie event — and an advertising, retail and licensing event," predicts Ira Mayer, publisher of the Entertainment Marketing newsletter.

We KNOW, Mike -- we READ your @#$%&* PAPER.

Posted 9:54 AM by Gene

This, I promise, is the LAST TIME we talk about the FLYING KEYBOARD (at least until the "REPORTING" comes out), but one reason some of us are so EXERCISED over him is that while you folks are dealing out HARSHEST PUNISHMENT to SNIDELY WHIPLASH over CREDIT CARDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, you, like DOCTORS, BURY your MISTAKES -- maybe not in the ground, but on SATURDAYS.

P. S. Does "highly-regarded" equal CRITICALLY-ACCLAIMED?

Posted 8:08 AM by Gene

ROMY -- again, again:

"I don't think it matters whether newspapers survive"

This is true, for as the POP-UP BLOGGERS OF THE MILLENNIUM BROUGHT TO YOU BY AMEX have shown, BLOGGERS can SLANT UNFAIRLY with the BEST OF THEM.

Posted 8:07 AM by Gene

ROMY -- again....

A more "modern" pope would have journalists more excited

A more "modern" pope would not have JERNALISTS screaming about this CHEHRMAN REACTIONARY.

Posted 6:56 AM by Gene

Posted 6:49 AM by Gene

U.N. nominee faces new allegations of -- VERBAL ABUSE!!!!!

Is it anything like the tons of VERBAL, NOUNAL, ADJECTIVAL and ADVERBIAL ABUSE you HACKS subject us to EVERY DAY?

Posted 6:46 AM by Gene

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!! OUR TEAM'S WINNING!!!!!

And we'll SEE that it wins even if we have to lose HALF OUR READERSHIP to do it!

Posted 6:31 AM by Gene

"This drives the nail into the coffin of the idea that Google is a search business," said John Battelle, the author of a coming book on Google called "The Search."

"It is an advertising business that has nothing particularly to do with search."

And indeed G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE won't soon be worth $5 trillion a share because it's in the search business.

It certainly isn't in the BLOGGING business.

When does G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE become a heavy just like the rest of Corporate America? Isn't it time for this pile of free cash flow to be forced to GROW UP?

Posted 7:56 PM by Gene

And also on USAOKAY!!!!!.com, an exclamation-point sort of thing:

U. S. PRISON POPULATION SOARS IN 2003, '04!!!!!

CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGE gives the increase at 2.3%. To be sure having over seven percent of our population incarcerated should not exactly be a source of national pride, but 2.3% (48,000, or 960 a state) may not exactly be soaring either, which hints at the usual NEWS HACK chicanery behind the news. (Hint: it may have to do with SKIN COLOR.) The NYSE could use this hed writer to SWEETEN the BID.

This is the sort of story better told with several good charts, but that would make the numbers clear, which GOD KNOWS news hacks would never want to do.

Posted 7:55 PM by Gene

The NYSE faces an UNSOLICITED TAKEOVER BID.

PFFH-HH-HH!!!!!

Posted 7:37 PM by Gene

A plug for yet another music-video "service," as if we need one.

One of the backers is Forbes's publisher, which makes me wonder when stinky politics will enter into it, or whether he can proudly set it aside in the name of crappy Internet TV that might offend some of his readers. I suspect we'll know the answer when P&G and Coke hear of it. ("Dodge, the Navy and Norelco" have.)

Posted 5:45 PM by Gene

Stupids in the wireless biz want to VALENTIIZE RINGTONES, which will not stop US from having to LISTEN to INDECENT ones, WHETHER WE LIKE IT OR NOT.

It is increasingly clear that RATINGS are merely a form of INDUSTRY CONTROL OVER US, and the only solution to indecent material is for US to CONTROL THE INDUSTRY with CENSORSHIP.

P. S. LET'S PUT TOGETHER A LIST OF WHO GETS BRIBED THIS TIME.

Posted 5:43 PM by Gene

The BEEB invents news again, and American news hacks can only sit and sigh at what they COULD do.

(Linked through THE CORNER, which for once didn't misspell anything.)

Posted 1:50 PM by Gene

Gas prices prompt mass transit use

Is this a trend -- or is this just GAS?

Posted 1:43 PM by Gene

Honorary RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Judith Regan (or more likely one of her countless assistants) belches about "creativity," which, as we all know with Judith, means getting THE NEXT HOT STEAMING CLUMP OF BAD TASTE BETWEEN COVERS.

Posted 1:29 PM by Gene

Vir-GIN-ia! Vir-GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN-ia! STERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRNO!!!!! A HERO OF ALL TIME GOT HIS BOOK EXCERPTED IN THE PAPER OF RE-CORD MAGAZINE!! THERE'S HOPE FOR CIVILIZATION YET!!!!!

Perfesser Thompson, YOU have competition!

Posted 12:45 PM by Gene

Foes of Adelphia deal warn of higher prices, less variety

Now that we have TWO DE FACTO NATIONAL CABLE COMPANIES we don't have to worry about it.

Posted 12:37 PM by Gene

Is it me or is the WONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNDERFUL FIREFOX SLOWER THAN IE?

It also has a number of annoying quirks, like the fairly wide margin in the Bookmarks list (you have to narrow the browsing window to see what you want) and the fact that you can get the tabs readily confused if you're used to IE, as I am. It has also let a few pop-under ads through. I will be installing XP on my system soon (I changed my mind on my computer -- more to come) and intend to make a test using a dual-bootable set-up with IE under XP. I have a hunch that despite our scorn for BUGMEISTER BILL his Web browser may not be THAT bad, nor the competition's THAT good.

Posted 12:25 PM by Gene

Even as it throws a mighty tantrum over A LOBBYIST'S CREDIT CARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, ST. WARREN's favorite mass of idle wood pulp tries to find a -- TREND in today's musical masterpieces. That Perfesser Thompson is missing is only because this isn't television. And yet in a sense it is, for these entertainments revolve around what THE PAPER OF RE-CORD's own blurbist Ben has called "singing cartoons and dancing robots." But instead of writing intelligently and critically about them, ST. WARREN's scribbler must assume the Thinker's pose with a marble head, and let forth with an exertion that is less writing than it is the lifting of a leg and a subsequent gleeful gas expulsion. Banging the keyboard about CREDIT CARDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! does not excuse this kind of weightless buncombe, nor will such tripe keep readers from fleeing the daily rags in ever increasing droves.

A quite THOUGHTFUL (pffh-hh-hh) NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK award to PETER!

(Linked through ArtsJournal.com, which has an uncanny way of linking to some VERY irritating word extrusions.)

Posted 9:06 AM by Gene

Well! Here's somebody who doesn't think 9/11 was a DISASTER.

P. S. In the old days actresses had names you could remember, like Ingrid Bergman, or Sophia Loren. Now they have names like Ggglhhhrreeennmmm. At least people won't remember WHO said this.

P. P. S. Of course MORT ZUCK spoils the effect with another of his PRIVATE TRAGEDIES that gets his JOLLIES going.

Posted 8:47 AM by Gene

OH oh, Martha's in trouble with her HOUSE ARREST!

So long as she was being DECORATIVE.

But THE EDWARD R. MURROW OF COMEDY made FUN of her!

She IS in trouble!

Posted 8:41 AM by Gene

SKNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNX makes a case for CALM and REASON:

Here is what should happen: The Democratic Senate leadership should agree voluntarily to set aside the continued threat of filibustering the seven Bush appointees to the federal appeals courts who were blocked in the last Congress and whose names have been resubmitted. In return, they should get a renewed promise from the president that he will not bypass the Senate by offering any more recess appointments to the bench and a pledge from Republican Senate leaders to consider each such nominee individually, carefully and with a guarantee of extensive debate in coming months.

I'm sure that is EXACTLY what they'll do, SKNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNX.

Posted 8:38 AM by Gene

LAWRENCE WHATABURGER takes the TERRIBLE TEMPERED MR. BOLTON'S SIDE?!?!?

I'd have thought he'd have sided with the angels -- after having licked the Communist Chinese boots.

Posted 8:33 AM by Gene

DELAY'S AIRFARE WAS CHARGED TO LOBBYIST'S CREDIT CARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whatever happened to OPRAH'S BOY TOY? You guys seem to have covered up HIS transgressions REAL good.

Posted 8:26 AM by Gene

I'd love to have been in MR. MARK's office LAST week; he must have been throwing keyboards like OPRAH'S BOY TOY. "WHY THE @#$%&* DO WE HAVE TO PUT ALL THESE @#$%&* HOLY MEN ON THE @#$%&* COVER! WHEN IN @#$%&* GOD'S NAME CAN WE STOP PUTTING ALL THESE @#$%&* POPES ON THE @#$%&* COVER! I'M SICK OF @#$%&* HOLY MEN!

"I KNOW -- WHEN WE PUT ST. GEORGE ON THE COVER!!!!!!!!!!"

And the keyboards stopped flying.