THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
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Saturday, December 24, 2005
America's premier business flack sheet Barron's says LEGENDARY WELCH played some legendary tricks with His reinsurance earnings in His last five years as a God -- and they left Little Jeffy holding the bag! The bad news is, Alan's gang of PR professionals insists GE BANCORP & REALTY's earnings will go through the ROOF next year -- meaning it may soon refer to him as LEGENDARY IMMELT! Bleeaaaah!!!!!
She wasn't playing God - but a Manhattan judge agreed yesterday to let a Manhattan man change his name to Jesus Christ.
In Manhattan, not the first.
In Manhattan, not the first.
Well, in the only BEEEEEEEEEEE-OOOOOOOOOOOH numbers available, HUGH and K-LO still lead the APE (but ESPNCORP's cheating; it's opened it in 200 more venues), people don't like geisha girls or politically-correct terrorists -- in SHORT, the Os-CARS® are in TROUBLE!
And SPEAKING of Os-CARS® and TROUBLE:
Oscar 'Screeners' Already Being Pirated
OH-oh!
(Via something called Addict3d.org)
P. S. BoxOfficeMojo has it the other way around. Who cares? These numbers are made up one way or another. Though we see THE GAY COWBOYS tripled its venues and merely doubled its revenues. It's a-headed for the LAST ARTHOUSE ROUNDUP.
One thing's clear: with the spectacular numbers many of these masterworks are racking up the movie biz seems to be expelling its product for nobody.
And SPEAKING of Os-CARS® and TROUBLE:
Oscar 'Screeners' Already Being Pirated
OH-oh!
(Via something called Addict3d.org)
P. S. BoxOfficeMojo has it the other way around. Who cares? These numbers are made up one way or another. Though we see THE GAY COWBOYS tripled its venues and merely doubled its revenues. It's a-headed for the LAST ARTHOUSE ROUNDUP.
One thing's clear: with the spectacular numbers many of these masterworks are racking up the movie biz seems to be expelling its product for nobody.
The TWXSTERS raise ANOTHER WHITE FLAG:
Review: 'Rumor Has It ...' this film's bad
Studio: Warner Bros.
Taaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-taaaa-TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA....
Meathead did it. This is the film where they had trouble with the lighting. They obviously should have filmed it in pitch black.
Or should I say obliviously, which is how Meathead does it.
Hey MEAT! Why don't you run for governor?
Review: 'Rumor Has It ...' this film's bad
Studio: Warner Bros.
Taaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-taaaa-TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA....
Meathead did it. This is the film where they had trouble with the lighting. They obviously should have filmed it in pitch black.
Or should I say obliviously, which is how Meathead does it.
Hey MEAT! Why don't you run for governor?
Mostly Muslim Senegal Celebrates Christmas
Grand holy poobah of Iran, you have a lot of terrorizing to do.
Grand holy poobah of Iran, you have a lot of terrorizing to do.
Today, being too lazy to save the time to go to a closer post office to mail some bills, I went to the soon-to-be-largely-vacated landmark at 30th Street (it's being turned into a glorified hospital wing, or something), and trodding there I saw the John Street Memorial Schuylkill River Park, nearly completed: a patio, two long wheelchair ramps, sixteen pillars and long walls and prettified fences. I can imagine it in five years: graffiti all over, Thoreaus on the ground, the ramps graveled by skateboarders, the fences ripped open, and all so our beloved mayor can hold a press conference. That's what I like about GUVMENT: it spends millions on urban improvement schemes and ZERO for maintenance. (And I say this as a mu-ni-CI-pal worker.)
On the other side of the gate is a CSX right-of-way, one side strewn with garbage. It stretches the imagination to see how the same hooligans who play on railroad tracks won't do their duty in a "park." While passing by a long container train ambled at 15 or 20 mph, a symbol of how America's declined in some ways, for all Dubya's dyslexic talk. Once there was a B&O passenger station on Walnut Street; though the railroads surely specialized in the bundling and mistreatment of commuters, the most elegant of their stations belie that, and their first-class trains still live on in the memory and the imagination. Now these same passengers are stuffed in aluminum-clad flying bombs, eating stale peanuts, and the four railroads we're stuck with haul mostly boxes -- and today CSX carted a container train of refuse, evidently its regular shipment (the Waste Management logo appeared on every container I saw) -- and at the end, a forlorn little telemetric box sat above the coupler where the caboose used to latch.
Meantime a cement-box condo has gone up north of the site; and the old Convention Hall, a Art Deco landmark that once emceed three political conventions the same year (1948), has been demolished for more non-profit empire building. Perhaps life was once much worse, but how can we feel that way constantly haunted by our past?
On the other side of the gate is a CSX right-of-way, one side strewn with garbage. It stretches the imagination to see how the same hooligans who play on railroad tracks won't do their duty in a "park." While passing by a long container train ambled at 15 or 20 mph, a symbol of how America's declined in some ways, for all Dubya's dyslexic talk. Once there was a B&O passenger station on Walnut Street; though the railroads surely specialized in the bundling and mistreatment of commuters, the most elegant of their stations belie that, and their first-class trains still live on in the memory and the imagination. Now these same passengers are stuffed in aluminum-clad flying bombs, eating stale peanuts, and the four railroads we're stuck with haul mostly boxes -- and today CSX carted a container train of refuse, evidently its regular shipment (the Waste Management logo appeared on every container I saw) -- and at the end, a forlorn little telemetric box sat above the coupler where the caboose used to latch.
Meantime a cement-box condo has gone up north of the site; and the old Convention Hall, a Art Deco landmark that once emceed three political conventions the same year (1948), has been demolished for more non-profit empire building. Perhaps life was once much worse, but how can we feel that way constantly haunted by our past?
Ah, the booming business of minor-league bowl games, like the Sheraton Bowl:
One sure winner will not be UCF's bottom line. The final bill could reach $1 million, meaning the school might lose as much as $400,000 on the trip. But officials consider it just another payment in its quest to gain fame through football.
Yeah, and we can always charge it to the prospective students.
One sure winner will not be UCF's bottom line. The final bill could reach $1 million, meaning the school might lose as much as $400,000 on the trip. But officials consider it just another payment in its quest to gain fame through football.
Yeah, and we can always charge it to the prospective students.
It's official: TRIB is behind the corrupt idiot mayor's bid to stage the GE BANCORP & REALTY GAMES in 2016!
It always starts with newspaper Babbitts writing press releases and impressive stats, and it always ends in elephantine debt and white elephants.
It always starts with newspaper Babbitts writing press releases and impressive stats, and it always ends in elephantine debt and white elephants.
Since 2001, Madden has been the top-selling video game in North America. Now, NFL players themselves are showing signs of obsession — some of them complaining directly to John Madden when they thought the game had shortchanged their skill level.
Atlanta quarterback Michael Vick recently complained to the company that he, not Oakland receiver Randy Moss, should be the fastest player in the game. New England running back Corey Dillon says he thinks his overall rating is far too low. And Tampa Bay receiver Michael Clayton has argued that his tackling number should be higher — in case he ever is required to tackle a player.
Who'da thought -- NFL players can perfect their AAAAAAAATTITUDE skills.
GET A LIFE!
Atlanta quarterback Michael Vick recently complained to the company that he, not Oakland receiver Randy Moss, should be the fastest player in the game. New England running back Corey Dillon says he thinks his overall rating is far too low. And Tampa Bay receiver Michael Clayton has argued that his tackling number should be higher — in case he ever is required to tackle a player.
Who'da thought -- NFL players can perfect their AAAAAAAATTITUDE skills.
GET A LIFE!
Most Capitol Hill observers now regard Frist as ``the weakest majority leader in perhaps 50 years,'' said Charles Cook, editor of the Washington-based Cook Political Report.
Bring back Trent "Mickey Mouse" Lott! (Pffh-hh-hh!)
Bring back Trent "Mickey Mouse" Lott! (Pffh-hh-hh!)
Friday, December 23, 2005
The Oakland Tribune tells truth to power, or old used books, anyway:
We think it's time for Congress to heed the warning of George Orwell.
To that end, we're asking for your help: Mail us or drop off your tattered copies of "1984." When we get 537 of them, we'll send them to every member of the House of Representatives and Senate and to President Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney.
Feel free to inscribe the book with a note, reminding these fine people that we Americans take the threat to our liberties seriously. Remind Congress that it makes no sense to fight a war for democracy in a foreign land while allowing our democratic principles to erode at home.
This is precisely the sort of stupid gag that WOULD appeal to ROMY. So let us guess what happens: if the Trib gets enough copies to send to all the victims -- IF -- most likely each copy would go to a mailroom clerk, who'd then give it to an intern, who'd ask of a supervisor, "What should I do with this book?" who'd answer, "Must have come from some street person. Give it to the Salvation Army -- or chuck it in the trash."
We suspect a DC thrift shop or two will soon see a sudden puzzling build up of dog-eared, highlighted, doodled copies of 1984.
We think it's time for Congress to heed the warning of George Orwell.
To that end, we're asking for your help: Mail us or drop off your tattered copies of "1984." When we get 537 of them, we'll send them to every member of the House of Representatives and Senate and to President Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney.
Feel free to inscribe the book with a note, reminding these fine people that we Americans take the threat to our liberties seriously. Remind Congress that it makes no sense to fight a war for democracy in a foreign land while allowing our democratic principles to erode at home.
This is precisely the sort of stupid gag that WOULD appeal to ROMY. So let us guess what happens: if the Trib gets enough copies to send to all the victims -- IF -- most likely each copy would go to a mailroom clerk, who'd then give it to an intern, who'd ask of a supervisor, "What should I do with this book?" who'd answer, "Must have come from some street person. Give it to the Salvation Army -- or chuck it in the trash."
We suspect a DC thrift shop or two will soon see a sudden puzzling build up of dog-eared, highlighted, doodled copies of 1984.
I won't mention THE GREATEST MUSICAL OF ALL TIME again, except in B. O. passing, but reading the many toadying favorable sound-alike reviews from lesser-known rags proves that America has too many ad-blurbists, most of whom are looking for work.
We don't ordinarily pay attention to ADAGE'S GREATEST HITS, as the editors tend to pick the most grotesque ads the way some psychotics pick the wings off flies, or the way some creative types make ads; but of these ten ads "America won't see" five are from proud members of the American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers, and discounting a clever and inoffensive print ad from P&G's razor division the whole point of the other four is to stick it. We can't imagine what has prevented the companies from bringing their stellar efforts stateside -- especially the one from Unilever. And that company has the GALL to tell people it has values. It has values all right: make money and shaft the public.
And on the topic of the Abramoffs of K Street:
The second notable item from the forum was contained in a letter from Senator Barack Obama (D-IL), which was read by Senator Inouye. In the letter, Senator Obama singled out ads for the ED drug Cialis for criticism. He noted that on one occasion, an ad aired while he was watching television with his children, which made him uncomfortable. This prompted a question from Senator Inouye asking whether advertising needs to be regulated. Representatives from watchdog groups, like the Christian Coalition and Parents Television Council, claimed that advertising, like programming, is pushing the envelope and should be regulated. The network representatives fired back, arguing that prescreening of ads before airing is generally effective. They noted that while some ads get through that may be inappropriate for the audience, generalized complaints about ad content are not helpful. The issue was not discussed further, but it shows that advertising is on the radar screen.
That had them high-fiving on K Street AND MadAve.
(Well, 1120 20th St. NW, which is close enough.)
And on the topic of the Abramoffs of K Street:
The second notable item from the forum was contained in a letter from Senator Barack Obama (D-IL), which was read by Senator Inouye. In the letter, Senator Obama singled out ads for the ED drug Cialis for criticism. He noted that on one occasion, an ad aired while he was watching television with his children, which made him uncomfortable. This prompted a question from Senator Inouye asking whether advertising needs to be regulated. Representatives from watchdog groups, like the Christian Coalition and Parents Television Council, claimed that advertising, like programming, is pushing the envelope and should be regulated. The network representatives fired back, arguing that prescreening of ads before airing is generally effective. They noted that while some ads get through that may be inappropriate for the audience, generalized complaints about ad content are not helpful. The issue was not discussed further, but it shows that advertising is on the radar screen.
That had them high-fiving on K Street AND MadAve.
(Well, 1120 20th St. NW, which is close enough.)
We are sorry to hear Mike Myers is getting a divorce.
Myers, an alum of NBC's "Saturday Night Live," starred in the "Austin Powers" and "Wayne's World" films, 2003's "Dr. Seuss' The Cat in the Hat," and voiced the giant green ogre in the "Shrek" movies.
But with all those great properties no wonder he and the missus never had kids.
Myers, an alum of NBC's "Saturday Night Live," starred in the "Austin Powers" and "Wayne's World" films, 2003's "Dr. Seuss' The Cat in the Hat," and voiced the giant green ogre in the "Shrek" movies.
But with all those great properties no wonder he and the missus never had kids.
Proof many statistics bandied by news hacks are misleading or irrelevant:
Mariah Carey Ties Elvis on Singles Chart
Mariah Carey Ties Elvis on Singles Chart
Speaking of:
In search of a terrorist nuclear bomb, the federal government since 9/11 has run a far-reaching, top secret program to monitor radiation levels at over a hundred Muslim sites in the Washington, D.C., area, including mosques, homes, businesses, and warehouses, plus similar sites in at least five other cities, U.S. News has learned. In numerous cases, the monitoring required investigators to go on to the property under surveillance, although no search warrants or court orders were ever obtained, according to those with knowledge of the program. Some participants were threatened with loss of their jobs when they questioned the legality of the operation, according to these accounts.
While the Feds might be a little heavy-handed with something like this, as seems the habit under the super-secretive Dubya, the constituency of NEWS HACKS would see no justification to it because it involves -- religious persecution.
Sorry, it wasn't Buddhists or Hindus who attacked us.
(Via AP on Freep.com)
In search of a terrorist nuclear bomb, the federal government since 9/11 has run a far-reaching, top secret program to monitor radiation levels at over a hundred Muslim sites in the Washington, D.C., area, including mosques, homes, businesses, and warehouses, plus similar sites in at least five other cities, U.S. News has learned. In numerous cases, the monitoring required investigators to go on to the property under surveillance, although no search warrants or court orders were ever obtained, according to those with knowledge of the program. Some participants were threatened with loss of their jobs when they questioned the legality of the operation, according to these accounts.
While the Feds might be a little heavy-handed with something like this, as seems the habit under the super-secretive Dubya, the constituency of NEWS HACKS would see no justification to it because it involves -- religious persecution.
Sorry, it wasn't Buddhists or Hindus who attacked us.
(Via AP on Freep.com)
A Navy chaplain has stopped eating to protest what he calls “religious harassment” in the military.
Chaplain (Lt.) Gordon Klingenschmitt, an evangelical Episcopal priest, said Navy officials are trying to force him out of the service because he wants to pray in the name of Jesus.
“I will not eat again until the president of the United States gives me back my uniform and allows me to pray in Jesus’ name,” Klingenschmitt said with the White House in the background. “For me, it’s a matter of conscience.”
If he were a Muslim, we'd hear about it.
(Via link on Topix.net)
Chaplain (Lt.) Gordon Klingenschmitt, an evangelical Episcopal priest, said Navy officials are trying to force him out of the service because he wants to pray in the name of Jesus.
“I will not eat again until the president of the United States gives me back my uniform and allows me to pray in Jesus’ name,” Klingenschmitt said with the White House in the background. “For me, it’s a matter of conscience.”
If he were a Muslim, we'd hear about it.
(Via link on Topix.net)
LINK of the DAY:
2012 Olympic ballot error? IOC official: London may have won Games because of misplaced vote.
2012 Olympic ballot error? IOC official: London may have won Games because of misplaced vote.
Having just landed a spaceship at the former Soldier Field, the Windy City's corrupt idiot mayor proposes building a SECOND stadium for a SECOND football team and so his burg can land the GE BANCORP & REALTY GAMES in 2016.
Haven't you already committed enough graft with your TRUCKING SCHEME?
Haven't you already committed enough graft with your TRUCKING SCHEME?
My LAST post for the day on the Academy Awards®: We all know THE GAY COWBOYS may be headin' to the last roundup. But this opens the door for THE JOHNNY CASH MOVIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, made by GUESSWHO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nice promo, Rog! THE BOSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! should give you a 5000-percent raise!
Nice promo, Rog! THE BOSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! should give you a 5000-percent raise!
And speaking thereof, here GanNETt pays this blurbist Scott six digits to scratch his head and kiss behinds about matters entertainment, and of all the questions he asks about the coveted Oscars® only one is worth asking:
10
Will anybody care?
Happily Rosie's Nephew has a suggestion:
"Winning an Oscar is fine, but it's not what the awards should be about," he says. "They should be about showing people the kind of work you're capable of. That will get people interested in seeing more of it."
And especially if they've come to see blockbuster hits like THE KNIGHTING OF ST. EDWARD OF MURROW.
10
Will anybody care?
Happily Rosie's Nephew has a suggestion:
"Winning an Oscar is fine, but it's not what the awards should be about," he says. "They should be about showing people the kind of work you're capable of. That will get people interested in seeing more of it."
And especially if they've come to see blockbuster hits like THE KNIGHTING OF ST. EDWARD OF MURROW.
Our first OSCAR® CONTROVERSY:
Oscar organizers said a Singapore movie has been disqualified for next year's best foreign-language film award because the dialogue is mainly in English.
I've got an idea: let's dub all OUR films in another language! That way they get to be foreign films -- and WE won't have to see them!
Just an idea.
Oscar organizers said a Singapore movie has been disqualified for next year's best foreign-language film award because the dialogue is mainly in English.
I've got an idea: let's dub all OUR films in another language! That way they get to be foreign films -- and WE won't have to see them!
Just an idea.
BREAKING NEWS!!!!! SAMUEL ALITO URGED REVERSAL OF ROE V. WADE IN '85 MEMO!!!!!!!!!! MORE TO COME!!!!!!!!!! [The MESS]
NEWS ALERT!!!!! AP: SUPREME COURT NOMINEE SAMUEL ALITO SAID IN 1985 DOCUMENT THAT ROE V. WADE RULING LEGALIZING ABORTION SHOULD BE OVERTURNED!!!!!!!!!! [The TWXSTERS at CNN] [Overemphasis added]
Sometimes JERNALISM is less a PROFESSION than a CONSPIRACY.
By the way TWXSTERS, what happened to the CIA OPERATIVE story? That was BREAKING NEWS!!!!! this morning TOO.
NEWS ALERT!!!!! AP: SUPREME COURT NOMINEE SAMUEL ALITO SAID IN 1985 DOCUMENT THAT ROE V. WADE RULING LEGALIZING ABORTION SHOULD BE OVERTURNED!!!!!!!!!! [The TWXSTERS at CNN] [Overemphasis added]
Sometimes JERNALISM is less a PROFESSION than a CONSPIRACY.
By the way TWXSTERS, what happened to the CIA OPERATIVE story? That was BREAKING NEWS!!!!! this morning TOO.
See, the problem St. Warren is some people use their computers to look up things. (What's a computer? Your bridge partner Bugmeister Bill invented it.) And see, they look things up on what are called search engines (sort of like a car, St. Warren, only you can drive it through a computer), and then they find certain authors are related to certain big shots, and You don't disclose the fact, perhaps because You and Your subordinates feel it would undercut Your Great Insights -- the Great Insight being in this case that at certain liberal social clubs they believe in the god they want to believe in. Now we will admit enough junk has accreted on religion over the centuries, but enough junk has accreted in the pile of garbage called JERNALISM to outpile it. In any case, who needs a god when we have You, and Your Immortal Prosperity? But forgive us asking of Your Holiness -- why do You think those You created to surf Your Web sites so stupid?
A progressive Episcopal priest and a staunch defender of abortion rights...
We were a little hesitant to cite this, but then we learned RNS is a news syndicator owned by SI, so it's not as if it's off the deep end. SHUT UP, MIKE!
(Full text here, appropriately enough.)
A progressive Episcopal priest and a staunch defender of abortion rights...
We were a little hesitant to cite this, but then we learned RNS is a news syndicator owned by SI, so it's not as if it's off the deep end. SHUT UP, MIKE!
(Full text here, appropriately enough.)
How apt the HOWIE HAIRSHIRT of DOW JONES does a story on people who can't do without their EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW! With a little thinking I can see him as one myself.
Who knew there were so many Jeff Jarvis clones?
(Via the inevitable ROMY)
Who knew there were so many Jeff Jarvis clones?
(Via the inevitable ROMY)
WE NEVAH GAVE HIM DE WIGHT TOOW SPY! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!
Oh, shut up and draft your articles of impeachment.
Oh, shut up and draft your articles of impeachment.
Italy warrants for 22 purported CIA operatives
OoooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooh, DEMOCRATS! I think we have another case for IMPEACHMENT!!!!!
Pffh-hh-hh!
OoooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooh, DEMOCRATS! I think we have another case for IMPEACHMENT!!!!!
Pffh-hh-hh!
More magic in the thea-TAH:
OVERHEARD at "Jersey Boys":
Big Guy No. 1, before the curtain went up: "Hey, Tony, even if you don't like the show, you gotta tell people it's great. We got a lotta money in it."
Big Guy No. 2, during intermission: "Don't worry, Vinnie. You got a hit here."
Of the crowd at "Jersey Boys," Marshall Brickman, who co-wrote the book says: "It's the audience that must be subpoenaed."
OVERHEARD at "Jersey Boys":
Big Guy No. 1, before the curtain went up: "Hey, Tony, even if you don't like the show, you gotta tell people it's great. We got a lotta money in it."
Big Guy No. 2, during intermission: "Don't worry, Vinnie. You got a hit here."
Of the crowd at "Jersey Boys," Marshall Brickman, who co-wrote the book says: "It's the audience that must be subpoenaed."
The current invented number for Noo Yawk transit-strike losses is $1 billion.
Considering that the city allegedly made $463 million out of Christo's draperies (?) that isn't too bad. Thankfully neither is a real number so we can claim the net effect is ZERO.
Considering that the city allegedly made $463 million out of Christo's draperies (?) that isn't too bad. Thankfully neither is a real number so we can claim the net effect is ZERO.
With this review Manohla (where did that name come from?) has advanced herself into the top ranks of movie ad-blurbists. It is not enough now for an ad-blurbist to stake his claim above the title; now he must write so incomprehensibly as to dazzle his cohorts. Manohla has established the gold standard for gobbledygook, and her fellow scribblers must now meet her challenge, which they will eagerly meet with each new disgorgement of tripe.
We think we now know what her name means:
Manohla Dargis: It's Armenian for 'driven crazy by jabbering'
We think we now know what her name means:
Manohla Dargis: It's Armenian for 'driven crazy by jabbering'
Thursday, December 22, 2005
The bad reviews are carrier-pigeoning overseas, and we don't know where to start with this one. Oh, we'll start in four good places:
The principal offenders, surprisingly, are the two leads, Broderick's whiny, weak-voiced nebbish being as flat as Lane's libidinous showman is puffed-up. Their patter feels strained and mechanical; little wonder given the number of times they've had to reprise their roles....
Most of the actors are still playing to Row S in the Upper Circle, and we sit frozen before a wild-eyed display of mugging and gurning....
[T]here's something else wrong here, and you know it as soon as the first number ends: deafening silence. Without an audience to laugh, applaud and jolly them along, the songs just die in the pauses that follow.
Of course, this assumes that you'd want to clap in the first place. Brooks's reputation as an avatar of bad taste is no doubt secure, and if broad-strokes satire were the gold standard of comic excellence, then The Producers would be the funniest show on the planet. But this is plainly not the case, and indeed much of it requires an effort of will to endure - not because it offends taste, but because it neglects comedy. He is certainly no songwriter; many of the numbers sound like advertising jingles before the joke-writers got to them....
Yet what really dismays is just how dated the thing is....[D]oes the roar of mirth that greets the line "Darling, quick, back in the closet!" suggest to you an author's incomparable wit, or an audience's low expectations?
It suggests to me KERNGERSHWIN HAMMERSTEIN'S millions!
The principal offenders, surprisingly, are the two leads, Broderick's whiny, weak-voiced nebbish being as flat as Lane's libidinous showman is puffed-up. Their patter feels strained and mechanical; little wonder given the number of times they've had to reprise their roles....
Most of the actors are still playing to Row S in the Upper Circle, and we sit frozen before a wild-eyed display of mugging and gurning....
[T]here's something else wrong here, and you know it as soon as the first number ends: deafening silence. Without an audience to laugh, applaud and jolly them along, the songs just die in the pauses that follow.
Of course, this assumes that you'd want to clap in the first place. Brooks's reputation as an avatar of bad taste is no doubt secure, and if broad-strokes satire were the gold standard of comic excellence, then The Producers would be the funniest show on the planet. But this is plainly not the case, and indeed much of it requires an effort of will to endure - not because it offends taste, but because it neglects comedy. He is certainly no songwriter; many of the numbers sound like advertising jingles before the joke-writers got to them....
Yet what really dismays is just how dated the thing is....[D]oes the roar of mirth that greets the line "Darling, quick, back in the closet!" suggest to you an author's incomparable wit, or an audience's low expectations?
It suggests to me KERNGERSHWIN HAMMERSTEIN'S millions!
Sen. Rick Santorum on Thursday withdrew his affiliation from the Christian-rights law center that defended a school district's policy mandating the teaching of "intelligent design."
You running for president too, Dennis Day, or merely for SENATOR?
You running for president too, Dennis Day, or merely for SENATOR?
News hacks have it both ways! (Since when?) WOODSTER THE PERV IS MR. HIGH-TECH!! BUT:
"I'm not technological," he says on the first podcast. "I don't have an iPod, I don't have a word processor. I type on my old typewriter. I'm anti-technological. [But] I'm not against the benefits of technology."
So long as you can win an OS-CAR®.
P. S.
While some Oscar-watchers initially speculated that DreamWorks would downplay Allen in its "Match Point" campaign for fear of alienating academy members uncomfortable with the director's private life, the company obviously knows that the best salesman for Woody is still Woody himself.
Those fuddy-duddies! Not for OUR consideration!
Another pile of canine droppings from a Trib "blog." TRIB, WHY SO MANY "BLOGS"?
"I'm not technological," he says on the first podcast. "I don't have an iPod, I don't have a word processor. I type on my old typewriter. I'm anti-technological. [But] I'm not against the benefits of technology."
So long as you can win an OS-CAR®.
P. S.
While some Oscar-watchers initially speculated that DreamWorks would downplay Allen in its "Match Point" campaign for fear of alienating academy members uncomfortable with the director's private life, the company obviously knows that the best salesman for Woody is still Woody himself.
Those fuddy-duddies! Not for OUR consideration!
Another pile of canine droppings from a Trib "blog." TRIB, WHY SO MANY "BLOGS"?
Experts: NYC Transit Strike Cost Unknown
Eh, invent a number. Any number. You'll make it plausible -- just as with AHTS BOONDOGGLES and CONVENTION CENTER WHITE ELEPHANTS or SPORTS TAJ MAHALS.
Eh, invent a number. Any number. You'll make it plausible -- just as with AHTS BOONDOGGLES and CONVENTION CENTER WHITE ELEPHANTS or SPORTS TAJ MAHALS.
Alistair Cooke's bones were only worth $7,000?
Seems with names like Mastromarino and Nicelli we could've gotten a better deal.
Seems with names like Mastromarino and Nicelli we could've gotten a better deal.
BAD NEWS, BLOGGERS OF THE MILLENNIUM: SNIDELY WHIPLASH'S FAVORITE LOBBYIST looks ready to SPILL THE BEANS, and could implicate AT LEAST A DOZEN CONGRESSPOOPS. Granted, this IS the PAPER OF RE-CORD, whose middle name is SLANT; but it WILL be interesting to see the curley-Qs and Windsor knots OFFICIAL VOICES OF REPUBLICANS tie themselves into justifying these scam artists. Sorry, a FRAUD's a FRAUD, whatever his ACU RECORD.
(Via TNR'S PLANK, which is slowly becoming one of the more influential of MMMMMMMMMMSSSSSSSSSSMMMMMMMMMM blogs -- and is liberal AND palatable.)
(Via TNR'S PLANK, which is slowly becoming one of the more influential of MMMMMMMMMMSSSSSSSSSSMMMMMMMMMM blogs -- and is liberal AND palatable.)
In a carefully choreographed candid moment Sen. Hole-in-the-Bagel shares his father's emotions about serving in war, and we may be sure from the evidence running for president is the furthest thing from Sen. Hole's -- mind.
Repeat after me, hacks -- one, two, three: IF ONLY EVERY REPUBLICAN COULD BE LIKE HIM!
Then they'd all be Democrats -- which might be the point.
Repeat after me, hacks -- one, two, three: IF ONLY EVERY REPUBLICAN COULD BE LIKE HIM!
Then they'd all be Democrats -- which might be the point.
Effete Edelstein says goodbye to Stale.com (and HELLO TO ADAM!!!!!) by pleading to Luke Spielberg, "Please, please, may I be your personal flack?"
We presume this is his last review for the Ruse that Kinsley Built; but we say it again: ADAM had better be ready to give this guy THOUSANDS of column-inches. But it will be a sacrifice well worth it in the battle between this guy and Dorky Denby for the title of AMERICA'S WORST AD-BLURBIST.
We presume this is his last review for the Ruse that Kinsley Built; but we say it again: ADAM had better be ready to give this guy THOUSANDS of column-inches. But it will be a sacrifice well worth it in the battle between this guy and Dorky Denby for the title of AMERICA'S WORST AD-BLURBIST.
More RUMPHETING and THUMPHETING about JERNALISTIC ETHICS:
The Washington Post Writers Group has a message for newspaper editors in this year of pundit payola: Maybe the syndicated columnists you buy should have journalistic backgrounds.
Yeah. Like Jayson Blair. Like Stephen Glass. Like JANET COOKE.
The Washington Post Writers Group has a message for newspaper editors in this year of pundit payola: Maybe the syndicated columnists you buy should have journalistic backgrounds.
Yeah. Like Jayson Blair. Like Stephen Glass. Like JANET COOKE.
ST. WARREN goes on the WARPATH because DUBYA'S PRESS SECRETARY STONEWALLS!!!!!
Likening Dubya to South Africa's apartheid rulers has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with it.
(Latter link via WeeklyStandard.com. Caveat: Danny is the excitable kind.)
Likening Dubya to South Africa's apartheid rulers has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with it.
(Latter link via WeeklyStandard.com. Caveat: Danny is the excitable kind.)
The same company that's producing a CINEMATIC MASTERPIECE THAT'LL STICK IT TO CATHOLICS! (YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!) may have had its ROOTKIT install in computers EVEN WITHOUT THE USER AGREEING TO THE EULA!
I don't think ROOTKITCORP should talk in religious terms, LORD STRINGER, except maybe of HELLFIRE and DAMNATION.
(Via the usual SLASHDOT)
I don't think ROOTKITCORP should talk in religious terms, LORD STRINGER, except maybe of HELLFIRE and DAMNATION.
(Via the usual SLASHDOT)
SHOWBIZDATA.COM SAYS HUGH AND K-LO'S FAVORITE MOVIE SURPASSED THE APE!!!!!
DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We'll NEVER hear the end of this.
P. S. at 5:06 P. M.: By $60,000 over the APE, so says Lee's Movie Info. And the two new "comedies" are doing satisfyingly underachieving results -- and THE GAY COWBOYS have vamoosed off the top-10 list.
HUGH!! K-LO!! YOUR FILM may be ON TOP THIS WEEKEND!!!!!
P. P. S. Technically speaking the APE may be getting slightly more business per screening than CGI LEWIS, and it's playing at 48 fewer venues. But it was SUPPOSED to do BETTER than this. So the HACKS told us; so PAUL DRECK told us; so GE BANCORP AND REALTY told us. So they NEVER STOPPED TELLING US.
Don't you feel happy when these frauds get a lump of coal in their stocking?
DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We'll NEVER hear the end of this.
P. S. at 5:06 P. M.: By $60,000 over the APE, so says Lee's Movie Info. And the two new "comedies" are doing satisfyingly underachieving results -- and THE GAY COWBOYS have vamoosed off the top-10 list.
HUGH!! K-LO!! YOUR FILM may be ON TOP THIS WEEKEND!!!!!
P. P. S. Technically speaking the APE may be getting slightly more business per screening than CGI LEWIS, and it's playing at 48 fewer venues. But it was SUPPOSED to do BETTER than this. So the HACKS told us; so PAUL DRECK told us; so GE BANCORP AND REALTY told us. So they NEVER STOPPED TELLING US.
Don't you feel happy when these frauds get a lump of coal in their stocking?
The open is enough:
The Department of Homeland Security was only a month old, and already it had an image problem.
It was April 2003, and Susan Neely, a close aide to DHS Secretary Tom Ridge, decided the gargantuan new conglomeration of 22 federal agencies had to stand for something more than multicolored threat levels. It needed an identity -- not the "flavor of the day in terms of brand chic," as Neely put it, but something meant to last.
So she called in the branders.
Neely hired Landor Associates, the same company that invented the FedEx name and the BP sunflower, and together they began to rebrand a behemoth Landor described in a confidential briefing as a "disparate organization with a lack of focus." They developed a new DHS typeface (Joanna, with modifications) and color scheme (cool gray, red and hints of "punched-up" blue). They debated new uniforms for its armies of agents and focus-group-tested a new seal designed to convey "strength" and "gravitas." The department even got its own lapel pin, which was given to all 180,000 of its employees -- with Ridge's signature -- to celebrate its "brand launch" that June.
"It's got to have its own story," Neely explained.
"'Creating a Cabinet post doesn't solve the problem,' Bush spokesman Ari Fleischer said in March 2002." They should've listened to you, Ari. Or maybe they did.
The Department of Homeland Security was only a month old, and already it had an image problem.
It was April 2003, and Susan Neely, a close aide to DHS Secretary Tom Ridge, decided the gargantuan new conglomeration of 22 federal agencies had to stand for something more than multicolored threat levels. It needed an identity -- not the "flavor of the day in terms of brand chic," as Neely put it, but something meant to last.
So she called in the branders.
Neely hired Landor Associates, the same company that invented the FedEx name and the BP sunflower, and together they began to rebrand a behemoth Landor described in a confidential briefing as a "disparate organization with a lack of focus." They developed a new DHS typeface (Joanna, with modifications) and color scheme (cool gray, red and hints of "punched-up" blue). They debated new uniforms for its armies of agents and focus-group-tested a new seal designed to convey "strength" and "gravitas." The department even got its own lapel pin, which was given to all 180,000 of its employees -- with Ridge's signature -- to celebrate its "brand launch" that June.
"It's got to have its own story," Neely explained.
"'Creating a Cabinet post doesn't solve the problem,' Bush spokesman Ari Fleischer said in March 2002." They should've listened to you, Ari. Or maybe they did.
Hey, we'll have to change the company's name to GE BANCORP AND REALTY!
Brilliant idea, Little Jeffy -- turning your company into a great big S&L!
Do the Feds know?
Brilliant idea, Little Jeffy -- turning your company into a great big S&L!
Do the Feds know?
Rog blames the APE's fall-off on the Noo Yawk transit strike.
Hey Rog! You'd be great at GE BANCORP -- if you didn't already flack for RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But this IS a man who can write without embarrassment, "The record business is Clive Davis's world, and we just live in it." No Rog, it's RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s world, and LEGENDARY Davis (you forgot to call him by his legal first name!) is merely an ASSISTANT devil.
P. S. The APE was one of TWO top-12 flicks that fell off on Tuesday. The other was -- you'll never guess. So maybe Rog has a point, but I doubt it.
By the way, does the world care about Wacko Jacko? You do -- too much.
Hey Rog! You'd be great at GE BANCORP -- if you didn't already flack for RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But this IS a man who can write without embarrassment, "The record business is Clive Davis's world, and we just live in it." No Rog, it's RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s world, and LEGENDARY Davis (you forgot to call him by his legal first name!) is merely an ASSISTANT devil.
P. S. The APE was one of TWO top-12 flicks that fell off on Tuesday. The other was -- you'll never guess. So maybe Rog has a point, but I doubt it.
By the way, does the world care about Wacko Jacko? You do -- too much.
ROMY! Don't shake your head so violently! It's going to FALL OFF!
And how trustworthy is your newfound best friend DAVID BROCK?
And how trustworthy is your newfound best friend DAVID BROCK?
Speaking of THE GREATEST MUSICAL OF ALL TIME, it's opening in Israel, and from the gist of this piece the Israelis may not find it very funny. They'd be showing much more taste than Americans.
And in more news of bad movies (a redundancy), is Luke Spielberg's opus minimus turning into the PRODUCERS THE MOVIE MUSICAL [sic] OF HIGH DRAMA? Well, maybe not, but it's putting up its dukes trying:
'Munich': Can Steven Spielberg Bring Peace To The Middle East? By Kurt Loder
Not with this picture.
Steven Spielberg's "Munich" is most effective in calling to mind "The Day of the Jackal," a much better movie released in 1973.
Like, adding insult to injury!
'Munich': Can Steven Spielberg Bring Peace To The Middle East? By Kurt Loder
Not with this picture.
Steven Spielberg's "Munich" is most effective in calling to mind "The Day of the Jackal," a much better movie released in 1973.
Like, adding insult to injury!
Shhhh, don't say anything, but somebody copied the late GLIBERAL's PROFOUNDLY RETARDED COMMENTARY on THE GAY COWBOYS, and now we understand why Mickey made such kazoo-blowing fun of it. Yep, from $38,000-per to over $5,000-per in ten days may not be a RUNAWAY PHENOMENON.
(We'd have commented on it ourselves yesterday but we've been burned too many times by our prognostications.)
(We'd have commented on it ourselves yesterday but we've been burned too many times by our prognostications.)
OH, NO!!!!!
Not-so-good year for female CEOs
•Their numbers are dwindling....
•Their stock performance has been dismal....
•Their former stocks are flourishing under male replacements.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!! We're going to have to DO something about this!!!!!
What?
Not-so-good year for female CEOs
•Their numbers are dwindling....
•Their stock performance has been dismal....
•Their former stocks are flourishing under male replacements.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!! We're going to have to DO something about this!!!!!
What?
"THE BOSTON MEDIA WILL BE INTENT ON TRYING TO SHOW THAT I HAVE CHANGED POSITIONS AND MOVED RIGHT!!" the governor said. "IT DOES THAT DISTORTING EFFORT ON A REGULAR BASIS!!! IT WILL ALSO IGNORE THOSE POSITIONS THAT ARE INCONSISTENT WITH THAT VIEW!!!!!"
You mean you're NOT running for president?
(Via -- sigh -- the ROM)
You mean you're NOT running for president?
(Via -- sigh -- the ROM)
Now the P. T. Barnum of beauty pageants -- facing the imminent execution of his property on cable -- has vowed to make it more "traditional", something I suggested some time ago, and for which I was not paid millions to suggest; but he'll be lucky if he gets a third of the audience from last time. The public is not fooled; they know this cretin helped pile all manner of gimmicks on the contest, until it became just another TV show. And who wants to watch that?
P. S. This explains a lot:
Art McMaster brings more than 20 years of international financial and executive management experience to his position. He joined the Miss America Organization in 1999 as Controller. In this capacity he successfully implemented information technology and new accounting systems; and led the efforts that increased profitability of Competition Magazine. Additionally he reorganized and reduced costs associated with The Miss America Pageant Ticket Office and started a new online digital photography store. Mr. McMaster was promoted to the position of Vice President of Finance in 2000 and then company Vice President in 2002 responsible for operational and business administration.
Prior to joining the Miss America Organization, Mr. McMaster served as Senior Planner and Assistant to Vice President for Saudi Arabian Oil Company in Dhahran, Saudi Arabia from 1992 to 1999. In this position he managed a staff of 12 professionals responsible for financial reporting and analysis of a support services business segment with 3,200 employees, 7,000 contract personnel and $7 billion in assets. Previous to that Mr. McMaster served as Controller for the engineering firm of Day and Zimmerman, Philadelphia, from 1988 to 1991, and served as Field Administration Manager for Raytheon Engineers, Philadelphia, from 1985 to 1988. In both capacities he was involved in corporate strategic planning, the development of hundred million dollar budgets and the creation of financial management and reporting systems.
Mr. McMaster earned a Bachelor of Science degree in Business Administration from Rockhurst University, Missouri, and has completed the Executive Financial Management Program at the University of Michigan. Active in his community Mr. McMaster serves as a Eucharistic Minister with the Holy Family Parish and is a member of the Knights of Columbus. Mr. McMaster resides in Sewell, New Jersey, with his wife Theresa and his three daughters Natalie, Stephanie and Katie, along with his two grandchildren, Charles and Nicholas.
TRANSLATION: The Pointy Haired Boss produces a beauty pageant.
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
The TWXSTERS engage in "humor" on one of their "BLOGS":
In seemingly unrelated news, President Bush was quoted as asking his right-hand man, "Say Dick, how do you spell HDTV anyway?" Cheney was reported to answer, "Just sign the bill, sir." Wow, this is one of those rare times, where I'm actually happy our comments are off temporarily.
That's okay: KING RICHARD couldn't spell BLOG until EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW! hectored him.
(Via Topix.net)
In seemingly unrelated news, President Bush was quoted as asking his right-hand man, "Say Dick, how do you spell HDTV anyway?" Cheney was reported to answer, "Just sign the bill, sir." Wow, this is one of those rare times, where I'm actually happy our comments are off temporarily.
That's okay: KING RICHARD couldn't spell BLOG until EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW! hectored him.
(Via Topix.net)
Three people were stabbed early Wednesday at a Manhattan club that was hosting a record-release party for a new collection of duets featuring slain rapper Notorious B.I.G.
Another [C]RAPPER gets a BRILLIANT CAREER MOVE (posthumous division) for an Xmas present.
Another [C]RAPPER gets a BRILLIANT CAREER MOVE (posthumous division) for an Xmas present.
Several SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS have come to the ASTONISHING conclusion that JONNY ALTER's a TWO-FACED IDIOT. We REALLY need their SUPERTHINKING to pop this HUMUNGOUS INSIGHT on us like a thunderbolt smiting our reinforced-concrete skulls. Don't these guys know the tragic tale of DICK SCHICK? Moronism's GENIUS at NEWSRAGS.
The BRILLIANT Judge Richard Posner, author of the book Preventing Surprise Attacks (among many other OUTSTANDING works), takes to the pages of the Washington Post to argue that the NSA surveillance program is no serious threat to our civil liberties. [Overemphasis added.]
Isn't this the same BRILLIANT judge who hides under his desk quaking over the PRUDES who might ban violent videogames? This guy obviously can condone one kind of potential violation to our civil liberties so long as it's his kind. And no, I'm not like the Democrats who shiver uncontrollably at the very thought of wiretapping. We're not up against good guys. But how often do heroes like the BRILLIANT Judge Posner seem to have their brilliance very selectively endowed to them?
Isn't this the same BRILLIANT judge who hides under his desk quaking over the PRUDES who might ban violent videogames? This guy obviously can condone one kind of potential violation to our civil liberties so long as it's his kind. And no, I'm not like the Democrats who shiver uncontrollably at the very thought of wiretapping. We're not up against good guys. But how often do heroes like the BRILLIANT Judge Posner seem to have their brilliance very selectively endowed to them?
Iranian and European negotiators tentatively agreed Wednesday to meet next month, signaling a possible new start to negotiations to restrain the Tehran regime's nuclear program and reduce fears it is trying to make atomic bombs [sic]
Pffh-hh-hh hh hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pffh-hh-hh hh hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
St. Warren is NOT -- OMNIPOTENT?
We expect more from our gods.
On the other hand we don't expect much from professionals who poopoo a FINANCIAL GENIUS with hindsight.
We expect more from our gods.
On the other hand we don't expect much from professionals who poopoo a FINANCIAL GENIUS with hindsight.
(Several critics suggest that if you've seen the commercial for the movie, you've seen all the really funny scenes.)
So why can't movie companies make commercials?
P. S. $5.2 million for the APE. So much for Titanic.
If the trends keep up HUGH and K-LO will be screaming that THEIR FAVORITE MOVIE OVERTOOK KONG!!!!! (Oi vey.)
So why can't movie companies make commercials?
P. S. $5.2 million for the APE. So much for Titanic.
If the trends keep up HUGH and K-LO will be screaming that THEIR FAVORITE MOVIE OVERTOOK KONG!!!!! (Oi vey.)
Given ratings concerns, do you worry the Evening News could wind up like the movie Network, with the mad commentator used to boost ratings?
No. I think if it ever got to that point, they’d just do away with the news. I’m not worried about the news becoming an entertainment program. But I do believe if we don’t evolve into more than what these programs are today, we’ll go the way of afternoon newspapers. People just won’t see a need for them anymore.
Two things, Bob: 1. There are already plenty of mad commentators on the tube, like CHRIS!!!!! and the NO-SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN ZONE; and 2. We haven't seen a need for the evening news in years.
(Via MediaBistro.com)
No. I think if it ever got to that point, they’d just do away with the news. I’m not worried about the news becoming an entertainment program. But I do believe if we don’t evolve into more than what these programs are today, we’ll go the way of afternoon newspapers. People just won’t see a need for them anymore.
Two things, Bob: 1. There are already plenty of mad commentators on the tube, like CHRIS!!!!! and the NO-SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN ZONE; and 2. We haven't seen a need for the evening news in years.
(Via MediaBistro.com)
P & G's razor division's launching a six-bladed razor during the SUPER BOWL.
Do I hear a spasm of excitement from ARLINGTON? Do I hear SNORES everywhere else?
Do I hear a spasm of excitement from ARLINGTON? Do I hear SNORES everywhere else?
That UCLA study TOUCHED A NERVE AT THE WALL STREET JOURNALS LIBERAL EDITION!
Okay, we concede when it comes to media social scientists may not know what they're doing. But when it comes to slanting the news we believe THE WALL STREET JOURNALS LIBERAL EDITION DEFINITELY knows what it's doing.
Okay, we concede when it comes to media social scientists may not know what they're doing. But when it comes to slanting the news we believe THE WALL STREET JOURNALS LIBERAL EDITION DEFINITELY knows what it's doing.
Awwww, de pooh booboos, wuhkin' untiwl Cwismas becauwse dey don' know what dey're DOING.
(Via Yahoo! News)
(Via Yahoo! News)
Ooooooooooooooh, the Duhhhhhhb is MAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHD:
There is even a case--I have made it somewhere, but can't find the reference--for disenfranchising people who make their living from public funds.
I think there's a case for disenfranchising hoity-toity pundit-bloggers who spend their lives fomenting stupid fights with other hoity-toity pundit-bloggers.
P. S. All you had to do, Duhhhhhhb, was GOOGLE. You must be lazier than some PUBLIC-SERVICE WORKERS.
There is even a case--I have made it somewhere, but can't find the reference--for disenfranchising people who make their living from public funds.
I think there's a case for disenfranchising hoity-toity pundit-bloggers who spend their lives fomenting stupid fights with other hoity-toity pundit-bloggers.
P. S. All you had to do, Duhhhhhhb, was GOOGLE. You must be lazier than some PUBLIC-SERVICE WORKERS.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Holiday sales "have been below our expectations," Probst told analysts. "Unfortunately, we have seen no improvement in the last 12 days -- sales have in fact further weakened in North America." Probst blamed markedly lower demand for video games on the older consoles, as consumers save money for newer technology next year. He also pointed to disappointing sales of the Xbox 360 [??????????] and PlayStation Portable consoles....
Across the industry, game-software sales fell 18% in November, compared to the same period last year. "It is likely the industry will be down double digits on a percentage basis," Probst said in a statement.
Does this mean the GET-A-LIFERS! are GETTING A LIFE?!?!?
Holiday sales "have been below our expectations," Probst told analysts. "Unfortunately, we have seen no improvement in the last 12 days -- sales have in fact further weakened in North America." Probst blamed markedly lower demand for video games on the older consoles, as consumers save money for newer technology next year. He also pointed to disappointing sales of the Xbox 360 [??????????] and PlayStation Portable consoles....
Across the industry, game-software sales fell 18% in November, compared to the same period last year. "It is likely the industry will be down double digits on a percentage basis," Probst said in a statement.
Does this mean the GET-A-LIFERS! are GETTING A LIFE?!?!?
A fitting epitaph:
Shots heard after the Stanley "Tookie" Williams memorial service
Shhh, BIGMEDIA, don't say anything.
(Via THE FREEP, oh well)
Shots heard after the Stanley "Tookie" Williams memorial service
Shhh, BIGMEDIA, don't say anything.
(Via THE FREEP, oh well)
Progressive Readers Meet With 'LA Times' Editors in Wake of Scheer Firing
Greg was at it for HOURS over this hed, screaming, "LIBERAL?!? LIBERAL?!?!? YOU @#$%^& IDIOTS!! YOU DON'T @#$%^& CALL 'EM @#$%^& LIBERALS!!! IT HURTS THE CAUSE!!!!!!!!!!"
Greg was at it for HOURS over this hed, screaming, "LIBERAL?!? LIBERAL?!?!? YOU @#$%^& IDIOTS!! YOU DON'T @#$%^& CALL 'EM @#$%^& LIBERALS!!! IT HURTS THE CAUSE!!!!!!!!!!"
Yep, the mouse is coming out with its display ads.
And it's about to ROAR at $50 million a share.
Claim: Newsday editor tried to influence vote with calls
This man violated the cardinal tenet of news hacks: you do NOT influence votes directly.
You influence them indirectly.
This man violated the cardinal tenet of news hacks: you do NOT influence votes directly.
You influence them indirectly.
Here is my latest update of THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY, which I hope will explain (though it may not excuse) some of the loopy nicknames I give people and organizations. I've updated it to make some corrections and because several of the definitions were obsolete, or not sufficiently self-serving:
UB IGER: Bob Iger, current king of ESPNCORP. Named Ub after Ub Iwerks, Walt Disney's ill-fated partner (before MICKEYMOUSE NIXON founded the company).
ESPNCORP (pronounced espencorp): The "Walt Disney" Company, after its PROFIT CENTER, and for the simple reason it ceased being Walt Disney a LONG TIME AGO.
BUTTMAN INSTITUTE: The Cato Institute, the home of glibertarianism (qv). The producer of Buttman videos is a "major" benefactor.
THE BROW: Sumner Redstone, after the arch-nemesis of Dick Tracy, and also because He lost His in a hotel fire.
THE ZON (or ZONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN): Mel Karmazin, the broadcast tyrant and THE BROW's former rival, now the SAVIOR OF SATELLITE RADIO, who makes a big thing about the correct pronunciation of His name: it's KarmaZON, NOT KarmaZIN.
THE GLIBERAL: The late Frank Rich, killed in a fit of greed by THE LORD GOD PINCH.
ASWIA: The fictitious American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers, which isn't so fictitious; it's called the Association of National Advertisers and it's made a big Washington-lobbyist-style PR stink about its "support" for "family-friendly programming" even as it's grown ever more indiscriminate in its sponsorships.
THE CLUNKER BROTHERS: GM and Ford, and honorary member DaimlerCorp (i.e., DaimlerChrysler), again for obvious reasons; and while I know The Big Two have made considerable quality strides, they always manage to undercut them one way or another, mainly through their bad PR and excessive advertising.
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW!!!!! (formerly STERNO): Jeff Jarvis, former TV Guide "critic" and founder of the unreadable Time Warner rag Entertainment Weekly (hence the name), and proprietor of BuzzMachine.com, formerly "Buzz T. Newhouse" for being a TWXster (qv), and for being employed by Si Newhouse, formerly STERNO for his more-royalist-than-the-king worship of some alleged king of media whose name escapes me, killed by JIHADIST PRUDES in Washington. The man has a decided aversion to knocking people in big media, unless they make idiotic statements about blogging.
RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!: Any property run by News Corporation automatically gets at least twenty exclamation points after (or within) the name given the Founder's penchant for banging people on the head with them (hence FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!News, THE NEW YORK POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, etc.) This also applies to any right-wing organization or NEWS HACK who exaggerates the news, like NewsMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, WALTER "SPYWARE" WINCHELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, etc.
TWXSTER (pronounced twixter, as in Elmer Fudd): Anyone employed by Time Warner (TWX is its NYSE ticker symbol).
VIACON: Viacom: self-explanatory. Soon to be two VIACONS: VIACON and what I will call CBS Corp.
BUGMEISTER BILL (formerly "Bill the Entomologist"): The head wizard of Microsoft, after his company's penchant for creating some very ingenious software bugs.
SUPERHOOPER: Ibrahim Hooper, the tyrannical spokespoop for the hard-core-Islamist front group CAIR, who never met a Muslim he didn't like.
NEWS HACKS: I know I have what amounts to an obsession in using this term, but as I explained in one of my earliest posts,
I'm not calling them "journalists." That's like calling a garbageman a sanitation engineer (God knows they're in the same business). Besides, am I going to endow an AP drone with the same term as Boswell, Dickens, Hemingway and Orwell? Not on your life! Well how about "reporter," then? Because not all news hacks report; some are incoherent columnists, some are movie-ad-blurb copywriters, some are senior-citizen groupies, some are millionaire toadies, and so forth. No, the dictionary defines "news" as "new information of any kind" (never mind that most "news" writing is old as the hilburns), and "hack" as "a writer hired to produce routine or commercial writing." Hackwork is worse on a deadline. Hence -- NEWS HACKS.
HOWIE HAIRSHIRT: Howard Kurtz, for making huge sums beating his chest.
GE BANCORP: General Electric, because it seems increasingly to want to be a bank (and in similar financial scams like show-biz) and to uninvolve itself in grimy businesses like manufacturing.
ALTRIA MOTIVE: The former Philip Morris Companies, or as it must call itself now, Altria, the pronunciation of whose name suggests a double entendre -- and if the firm didn't provide it by sticking with its NYSE ticker symbol MO. (ALTRIA MOTIVE FOODS is Kraft Inc., 85-percent owned by ALTRIA MOTIVE.)
MOVIE-AD-BLURB COPYWRITERS: Again, I will not call them movie "critics" for the same reason I will not call NEWS HACKS "journalists." In a "notorious" column several years ago Variety's fawner-in-chief Peter Bart suggested calling them the same thing. All they write are ad blurbs for movies, seasoned with a big dollop of pretension.
WALTER "SPYWARE" WINCHELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!: Matt DRUDGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, multi-millionaire populist liar, known for wearing a hat to cover the hole in his head, and for having done his part to create the burgeoning anti-spyware software biz. Lately taken to wearing a Stetson and twanging like a cowboy, in honor of a movie he was paid to plug.
DOW 36,000: Jim Glassman, the smug glibertarian columnist and head of TCS Daily, who confidently predicted at the height of the stock-market bubble in 2000 -- in a BOOK -- by THAT TITLE -- that's where the Dow Jones Industrial Average would go.
SNIDELY WHIPLASH: Suspended House Majority Leader Tom DeLay, for his comically villainous demeanor, and also because he'd look like Snidely if you gave him a handlebar moustache, a cape, and a stove-pipe hat.
CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES: AP hacks, affectionately named for their boss, Tom Curley, former publisher of USA OKAY!!!!!, who once insisted with a straight face most of the people who run the news biz are conservative. Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!
THE LEAGUE OF NATIONS: The United Nations, like its forerunner, a wimpish, appeasing irrelevance.
STALE.COM (formerly TOENAIL.COM and KINSLEY.COM): Slate.com, founded and once edited by Michael Kinsley, whose snide, smirky, smarmy presence radiates in every piece, formerly named because for weeks it (and its former sister site MSNBC.COM) gave prominence to an eerily appropriate ad about TOENAIL FUNGUS. (The ads have since moved to another ST. WARREN propety, WashingtonPost.com.) We've renamed it as the site's gone stale. The joke, that is.
THE NINE FINGERS IN THE WIND: The Supreme Court of the United States, whose members frequently seem to rule that way.
GLIBERTARIANISM: Libertarianism. It combines (to quote from another post) "the worst of the knee-jerk liberal (laissez-faire morals) with the worst of the knee-jerk conservative (laissez-faire capitalism), mixed with a healthy dose of conceit."
SAMMY GLICKMAN: Dan Glickman, president of THE CONSPIRACY: The Motion Picture Association of America, so named after Sammy Glick, the anti-hero of the movie-biz novel What Makes Sammy Run? by Budd Schulberg -- not that Dan's necessarily a heel, but the job may make him one, and at any rate the name's a PERFECT FIT.
JACK'S ALPHABET SOUP: "CARA," the MPAA's ratings system, named for its creator, SAMMY GLICKMAN'S predecessor, the evil Jack Valenti. Its supersecret cooks are SOUP NAZIS. The soup is an absolute disgrace, a big reason movie stink, and a problem no one seems of a mind to do anything about, for all the occasional REFORMING noises among news hacks. One suspects a reason the hacks are content just to make noises on the subject is that any positive change to mass media is a NEGATIVE CHANGE TO THEM. Hence the constant wave of denials of press bias, and the only recent grudging admission that something called the Web exists.
SOB: Al Neuharth, former CEO of GanNETt and putative founder of USAOKAY!!!!!, because He wrote a novel -- I mean, an AUTOBIOGRAPHY boasting that He was one. He was the DONALD of jerrrrrnalism.
NEUHARTHISM: An exaggeration for the purpose of selling. Frequently employed in USAOKAY!!!!!, but with the increasing popularity of SYNERGY (see THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY) NEUHARTHISMS can pop up ANYWHERE.
GanNETt: Gannett, the newspaper tyranny, so spelled because SOB always liked to say, "Gannett -- with the accent on NET!!!!!" That sort of hubris may not be apparent anymore.
USAOKAY!!!!!: USA Today, for having run so many NEUHARTHISMS, and for having been INVENTED BY ONE.
ST. WARREN of BUFFETT: Warren Buffett, so-called for the often exaggerated praise He has gotten from NEWS HACKS, largely for having invested in so much of MEDIA; although the shenanigans of His Berkshire Hathaway may have tarnished the halo over His head -- a little.
LUKE (or Lucas) SPIELBERG: Used interchangeably for George Lucas and Steven Spielberg, who made huge fortunes perfecting the feature-length live-action Road Runner cartoon. The latter has recently developed delusions of grandeur, befitting an artiste who is out to save the world, but not from more feature-length live-action Road Runner cartoons.
CAPITALIZED PRONOUNS: Applied to anyone who's a media capo, and especially to media capos who like to throw their weight around, like RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and SUMNER.
THOMPSONISM: the womyn's-studies and black-studies movement of our time, "pop-culture studies," the incontinent praising of show-biz junk with multi-syllable words for the purpose of establishing tuition- and taxpayer-financed fiefdoms, named after "Prof." Robert Thompson of Syracuse, who's set Guinness Book records the last three years for getting his name in Nexus.
LITTLE JEFFY: Jeffrey Immelt, chairman of GE BANCORP, whom I call such because he will forever work under the shadow of the LEGENDARY (see again THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY) JACK WELCH, the most overhyped and overrated CEO who ever lived.
LEGENDARY DAVIS: Clive Davis, the infamous tone-deaf record exec, who officially cannot be mentioned in any newspaper article without being called LEGENDARY (see the previous entry) for all the Johnny and Janey-One-Notes He's inflicted on us.
TOILETBOWL RAG: Newsweek, formerly BLUNDER after its hyperventilating Harvard graduate and superpatriotic columnist Jonathan Alter made fun of Vice-President Cheney for saying the Iraqis would cheer us ("AN ARROGANT BLUNDER FOR THE AGES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"), renamed after it did a little investigative population control. The magazine tries to make up for being second to its competition by outzeitgeisting the zeitgeist, often with nauseating (or unintentionally funny) results. TOILETBOWL was home of the Hitler Diaries, to this day one of its finest achievements.
MR. MARK: Mark Whitaker, BLUNDER's editor, who judging from his rag's contents seems like the classic advertising executive and buck passer.
UB IGER: Bob Iger, current king of ESPNCORP. Named Ub after Ub Iwerks, Walt Disney's ill-fated partner (before MICKEYMOUSE NIXON founded the company).
ESPNCORP (pronounced espencorp): The "Walt Disney" Company, after its PROFIT CENTER, and for the simple reason it ceased being Walt Disney a LONG TIME AGO.
BUTTMAN INSTITUTE: The Cato Institute, the home of glibertarianism (qv). The producer of Buttman videos is a "major" benefactor.
THE BROW: Sumner Redstone, after the arch-nemesis of Dick Tracy, and also because He lost His in a hotel fire.
THE ZON (or ZONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN): Mel Karmazin, the broadcast tyrant and THE BROW's former rival, now the SAVIOR OF SATELLITE RADIO, who makes a big thing about the correct pronunciation of His name: it's KarmaZON, NOT KarmaZIN.
THE GLIBERAL: The late Frank Rich, killed in a fit of greed by THE LORD GOD PINCH.
ASWIA: The fictitious American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers, which isn't so fictitious; it's called the Association of National Advertisers and it's made a big Washington-lobbyist-style PR stink about its "support" for "family-friendly programming" even as it's grown ever more indiscriminate in its sponsorships.
THE CLUNKER BROTHERS: GM and Ford, and honorary member DaimlerCorp (i.e., DaimlerChrysler), again for obvious reasons; and while I know The Big Two have made considerable quality strides, they always manage to undercut them one way or another, mainly through their bad PR and excessive advertising.
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW!!!!! (formerly STERNO): Jeff Jarvis, former TV Guide "critic" and founder of the unreadable Time Warner rag Entertainment Weekly (hence the name), and proprietor of BuzzMachine.com, formerly "Buzz T. Newhouse" for being a TWXster (qv), and for being employed by Si Newhouse, formerly STERNO for his more-royalist-than-the-king worship of some alleged king of media whose name escapes me, killed by JIHADIST PRUDES in Washington. The man has a decided aversion to knocking people in big media, unless they make idiotic statements about blogging.
RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!: Any property run by News Corporation automatically gets at least twenty exclamation points after (or within) the name given the Founder's penchant for banging people on the head with them (hence FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!News, THE NEW YORK POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, etc.) This also applies to any right-wing organization or NEWS HACK who exaggerates the news, like NewsMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, WALTER "SPYWARE" WINCHELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, etc.
TWXSTER (pronounced twixter, as in Elmer Fudd): Anyone employed by Time Warner (TWX is its NYSE ticker symbol).
VIACON: Viacom: self-explanatory. Soon to be two VIACONS: VIACON and what I will call CBS Corp.
BUGMEISTER BILL (formerly "Bill the Entomologist"): The head wizard of Microsoft, after his company's penchant for creating some very ingenious software bugs.
SUPERHOOPER: Ibrahim Hooper, the tyrannical spokespoop for the hard-core-Islamist front group CAIR, who never met a Muslim he didn't like.
NEWS HACKS: I know I have what amounts to an obsession in using this term, but as I explained in one of my earliest posts,
I'm not calling them "journalists." That's like calling a garbageman a sanitation engineer (God knows they're in the same business). Besides, am I going to endow an AP drone with the same term as Boswell, Dickens, Hemingway and Orwell? Not on your life! Well how about "reporter," then? Because not all news hacks report; some are incoherent columnists, some are movie-ad-blurb copywriters, some are senior-citizen groupies, some are millionaire toadies, and so forth. No, the dictionary defines "news" as "new information of any kind" (never mind that most "news" writing is old as the hilburns), and "hack" as "a writer hired to produce routine or commercial writing." Hackwork is worse on a deadline. Hence -- NEWS HACKS.
HOWIE HAIRSHIRT: Howard Kurtz, for making huge sums beating his chest.
GE BANCORP: General Electric, because it seems increasingly to want to be a bank (and in similar financial scams like show-biz) and to uninvolve itself in grimy businesses like manufacturing.
ALTRIA MOTIVE: The former Philip Morris Companies, or as it must call itself now, Altria, the pronunciation of whose name suggests a double entendre -- and if the firm didn't provide it by sticking with its NYSE ticker symbol MO. (ALTRIA MOTIVE FOODS is Kraft Inc., 85-percent owned by ALTRIA MOTIVE.)
MOVIE-AD-BLURB COPYWRITERS: Again, I will not call them movie "critics" for the same reason I will not call NEWS HACKS "journalists." In a "notorious" column several years ago Variety's fawner-in-chief Peter Bart suggested calling them the same thing. All they write are ad blurbs for movies, seasoned with a big dollop of pretension.
WALTER "SPYWARE" WINCHELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!: Matt DRUDGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, multi-millionaire populist liar, known for wearing a hat to cover the hole in his head, and for having done his part to create the burgeoning anti-spyware software biz. Lately taken to wearing a Stetson and twanging like a cowboy, in honor of a movie he was paid to plug.
DOW 36,000: Jim Glassman, the smug glibertarian columnist and head of TCS Daily, who confidently predicted at the height of the stock-market bubble in 2000 -- in a BOOK -- by THAT TITLE -- that's where the Dow Jones Industrial Average would go.
SNIDELY WHIPLASH: Suspended House Majority Leader Tom DeLay, for his comically villainous demeanor, and also because he'd look like Snidely if you gave him a handlebar moustache, a cape, and a stove-pipe hat.
CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES: AP hacks, affectionately named for their boss, Tom Curley, former publisher of USA OKAY!!!!!, who once insisted with a straight face most of the people who run the news biz are conservative. Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!
THE LEAGUE OF NATIONS: The United Nations, like its forerunner, a wimpish, appeasing irrelevance.
STALE.COM (formerly TOENAIL.COM and KINSLEY.COM): Slate.com, founded and once edited by Michael Kinsley, whose snide, smirky, smarmy presence radiates in every piece, formerly named because for weeks it (and its former sister site MSNBC.COM) gave prominence to an eerily appropriate ad about TOENAIL FUNGUS. (The ads have since moved to another ST. WARREN propety, WashingtonPost.com.) We've renamed it as the site's gone stale. The joke, that is.
THE NINE FINGERS IN THE WIND: The Supreme Court of the United States, whose members frequently seem to rule that way.
GLIBERTARIANISM: Libertarianism. It combines (to quote from another post) "the worst of the knee-jerk liberal (laissez-faire morals) with the worst of the knee-jerk conservative (laissez-faire capitalism), mixed with a healthy dose of conceit."
SAMMY GLICKMAN: Dan Glickman, president of THE CONSPIRACY: The Motion Picture Association of America, so named after Sammy Glick, the anti-hero of the movie-biz novel What Makes Sammy Run? by Budd Schulberg -- not that Dan's necessarily a heel, but the job may make him one, and at any rate the name's a PERFECT FIT.
JACK'S ALPHABET SOUP: "CARA," the MPAA's ratings system, named for its creator, SAMMY GLICKMAN'S predecessor, the evil Jack Valenti. Its supersecret cooks are SOUP NAZIS. The soup is an absolute disgrace, a big reason movie stink, and a problem no one seems of a mind to do anything about, for all the occasional REFORMING noises among news hacks. One suspects a reason the hacks are content just to make noises on the subject is that any positive change to mass media is a NEGATIVE CHANGE TO THEM. Hence the constant wave of denials of press bias, and the only recent grudging admission that something called the Web exists.
SOB: Al Neuharth, former CEO of GanNETt and putative founder of USAOKAY!!!!!, because He wrote a novel -- I mean, an AUTOBIOGRAPHY boasting that He was one. He was the DONALD of jerrrrrnalism.
NEUHARTHISM: An exaggeration for the purpose of selling. Frequently employed in USAOKAY!!!!!, but with the increasing popularity of SYNERGY (see THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY) NEUHARTHISMS can pop up ANYWHERE.
GanNETt: Gannett, the newspaper tyranny, so spelled because SOB always liked to say, "Gannett -- with the accent on NET!!!!!" That sort of hubris may not be apparent anymore.
USAOKAY!!!!!: USA Today, for having run so many NEUHARTHISMS, and for having been INVENTED BY ONE.
ST. WARREN of BUFFETT: Warren Buffett, so-called for the often exaggerated praise He has gotten from NEWS HACKS, largely for having invested in so much of MEDIA; although the shenanigans of His Berkshire Hathaway may have tarnished the halo over His head -- a little.
LUKE (or Lucas) SPIELBERG: Used interchangeably for George Lucas and Steven Spielberg, who made huge fortunes perfecting the feature-length live-action Road Runner cartoon. The latter has recently developed delusions of grandeur, befitting an artiste who is out to save the world, but not from more feature-length live-action Road Runner cartoons.
CAPITALIZED PRONOUNS: Applied to anyone who's a media capo, and especially to media capos who like to throw their weight around, like RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and SUMNER.
THOMPSONISM: the womyn's-studies and black-studies movement of our time, "pop-culture studies," the incontinent praising of show-biz junk with multi-syllable words for the purpose of establishing tuition- and taxpayer-financed fiefdoms, named after "Prof." Robert Thompson of Syracuse, who's set Guinness Book records the last three years for getting his name in Nexus.
LITTLE JEFFY: Jeffrey Immelt, chairman of GE BANCORP, whom I call such because he will forever work under the shadow of the LEGENDARY (see again THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY) JACK WELCH, the most overhyped and overrated CEO who ever lived.
LEGENDARY DAVIS: Clive Davis, the infamous tone-deaf record exec, who officially cannot be mentioned in any newspaper article without being called LEGENDARY (see the previous entry) for all the Johnny and Janey-One-Notes He's inflicted on us.
TOILETBOWL RAG: Newsweek, formerly BLUNDER after its hyperventilating Harvard graduate and superpatriotic columnist Jonathan Alter made fun of Vice-President Cheney for saying the Iraqis would cheer us ("AN ARROGANT BLUNDER FOR THE AGES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"), renamed after it did a little investigative population control. The magazine tries to make up for being second to its competition by outzeitgeisting the zeitgeist, often with nauseating (or unintentionally funny) results. TOILETBOWL was home of the Hitler Diaries, to this day one of its finest achievements.
MR. MARK: Mark Whitaker, BLUNDER's editor, who judging from his rag's contents seems like the classic advertising executive and buck passer.
Hmmm, and speaking of movie ad blurbists, one of them -- the one for the Cute Little Pink Paper -- gets what passes among his ilk for mad, but we'll take it:
I am also reminded of another Munich in 1938 when English Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain, French Premier Edouard Daladier and German Chancellor Adolf Hitler negotiated an agreement that, as Chamberlain told the cheering British crowds, would bring “peace in our time.” I bring up this other Munich because I think that Mr. Spielberg is presumptuous to preach peace and nonviolence to Israelis and the rest of us in the contemporary Munich, when the first Munich inexorably produced the Holocaust.
Neville Chamberlain is buried in an obscure place at Westminster Abbey. We suspect, despite the noise and bang of His movies, Luke Spielberg will be buried in an obscure place in movie history, scorned by His acolytes, sneered at by the once worshipful bean counters.
I am also reminded of another Munich in 1938 when English Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain, French Premier Edouard Daladier and German Chancellor Adolf Hitler negotiated an agreement that, as Chamberlain told the cheering British crowds, would bring “peace in our time.” I bring up this other Munich because I think that Mr. Spielberg is presumptuous to preach peace and nonviolence to Israelis and the rest of us in the contemporary Munich, when the first Munich inexorably produced the Holocaust.
Neville Chamberlain is buried in an obscure place at Westminster Abbey. We suspect, despite the noise and bang of His movies, Luke Spielberg will be buried in an obscure place in movie history, scorned by His acolytes, sneered at by the once worshipful bean counters.
"We did not want to become another version of Talk magazine," Mort Zuckerman said on the phone from Aspen, Colo.
Hey Zuck, you would if you could -- make it PROFITABLE.
Hey Zuck, you would if you could -- make it PROFITABLE.
An unnecessary sequel to a mediocre remake....
When did a PAPER OF RE-CORD review begin so simply and straightforwardly? The art of being A. O. with B. O. or Stephen "Quarter of a Century" Holden is to write as discursively and pretentiously and obliquely as possible.
But they still get their blurbs in the ads. Go figure.
When did a PAPER OF RE-CORD review begin so simply and straightforwardly? The art of being A. O. with B. O. or Stephen "Quarter of a Century" Holden is to write as discursively and pretentiously and obliquely as possible.
But they still get their blurbs in the ads. Go figure.
``We don't think of it as a simple three-hour window rating to a three-hour window rating comparison,'' Skipper said. He said that ESPN's research has shown that 90% of the people who watch ``MNF'' now will be able to watch it next year on ESPN ''without any changes to their television set.''...
Skipper bristled at NBC's efforts to make the Sunday night game -- which now is the third of three windows on Sunday that start at 1 p.m. ET -- the premier game of the week.
``The last time I checked, we're still on the Roman calendar,'' Skipper said of Monday night, evidently unaware that the calendar went out of use more than 2,000 years ago.
The last time I checked, Skipper, you still overpaid for Monday Night Football -- whatever the calendar.
Skipper bristled at NBC's efforts to make the Sunday night game -- which now is the third of three windows on Sunday that start at 1 p.m. ET -- the premier game of the week.
``The last time I checked, we're still on the Roman calendar,'' Skipper said of Monday night, evidently unaware that the calendar went out of use more than 2,000 years ago.
The last time I checked, Skipper, you still overpaid for Monday Night Football -- whatever the calendar.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
You want a depressing Web site? I stumbled by accident onto Detroit Rises!, a photo gallery of the ruins of that once magnificent place. When the Motor City boomed in the twenties so did construction; some incomparable structures went up, like the Guardian Building (above). But the city never fully recovered from the Great Depression; the infamous '67 riots and the surge of the Japanese and OPEC utterly doomed it. The city has tried to revive many times since but perhaps it has gone through too many urban renewals to be renewed; today the downtown is a jarring melange of architectural landmarks and refrigerators, fronted by vast empty streets and vaster emptier lots. If any city needs condo projects it's Detroit.
P. S. The Book-Cadillac renovation has been delayed -- again. Isn't it past time?
Shucks, G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE isn't a virgin anymore; it'll soon run display ads just like anyone else.
Golly gee, I guess that means the stock will only go for $20 million a share this time next year, instead of $10 million.
(Via MediaBuyerPlanner.com)
Golly gee, I guess that means the stock will only go for $20 million a share this time next year, instead of $10 million.
(Via MediaBuyerPlanner.com)
Can you imagine someone like THE GLIBERAL doing an EDITORIAL CARTOON?
Not that it's so easy to imagine the Gliberal anymore.
Not that it's so easy to imagine the Gliberal anymore.
Sorry John, this is a non-starter. Every time the Democrats throw a tantrum like their current IMPEACHMENT!!!! mania they remind us why we can't trust them, any more than we can trust a Republican on the take: give Democrats control of the government and you give control to terrorists, who know they'll fight back with "police actions."
One reason films like are having such a BOFFO time of it is that the ad-blurbists -- the same ad blurbists who called APE III THE GREATEST FILM OF ALL TIME -- are always daydreaming of themselves. Now flacks like Sue are daydreaming of themselves and Woodster the Perv. We must ask why movies STINK?
TRANSLATION: ANOTHER CRITICALLY-ACCLAIMED BOMB.
TRANSLATION: ANOTHER CRITICALLY-ACCLAIMED BOMB.
A multizillionaire God's work is never done:
Pastimes of the 1950s are already being revived among kids: Poker is popular, and schools have turned to ballroom dancing to teach teamwork.
Now Gates and Buffett have hired Buffett's bridge partner, Sharon Osberg, to start a program to teach contract bridge in junior high schools. They've anted up $1 million to fund it.
Two questions: 1. Why must anyone teach a card game in school? and 2. Will The Lord God St. Warren's Company do the teaching?
Pastimes of the 1950s are already being revived among kids: Poker is popular, and schools have turned to ballroom dancing to teach teamwork.
Now Gates and Buffett have hired Buffett's bridge partner, Sharon Osberg, to start a program to teach contract bridge in junior high schools. They've anted up $1 million to fund it.
Two questions: 1. Why must anyone teach a card game in school? and 2. Will The Lord God St. Warren's Company do the teaching?
Oops, ShowBizData says the Ape deflated to $5.8 million.
Houston, we still have a problem.
IT'S ONLY $1.1 MILLION AHEAD OF HUGH AND K-LO'S FAVORITE MOVIE!
P. S. at 5:45 P.M. BoxOfficeMojo.com says $5,638,125 -- $983,461 ahead of HUGH AND K-LO'S FAVORITE MOVIE!
Houston, we still have a problem.
IT'S ONLY $1.1 MILLION AHEAD OF HUGH AND K-LO'S FAVORITE MOVIE!
P. S. at 5:45 P.M. BoxOfficeMojo.com says $5,638,125 -- $983,461 ahead of HUGH AND K-LO'S FAVORITE MOVIE!
BAD NEWS for EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW! (formerly STERNO): fewer of the self-proclaimed King's fans will pay!
(Via HollywoodStenographer.com)
(Via HollywoodStenographer.com)
Professor rewrites a Wall Street Journals story he got special dispensation to link to about politicos and videogames that quotes this Judge Posner, who is popular with a certain kind of knee-jerk conservative. Thumpheting over videogames is a favorite activity of red-light politicians because it allows them to preen without even having to think of governing. But when a Judge Posner mentions the Odyssey, or one of the law-breaking K Street gang mentions "[growing] up to become lawyers and congressmen", or a Professor starts writing, we are sure they are as hermetically sealed from life as the people who produce and play videogames.
I HATE when news hacks, and especially those at USAOKAY!!!!!, try to be deep thinkers. Today they scratch their heads over friendships and the "mobile society." Sons of Al, do I NEED 2000 words to read the bromide that friends are more important than ever in a "mobile society", or the further scratching of the head pondering if this undermines the family? What is the point of all this scribble except to show some news hacks have been "THINKING"?
I'd rather read DICK SCHICK do a favor for LUKE SPIELBERG.
I'd rather read DICK SCHICK do a favor for LUKE SPIELBERG.
NYT considered running wiretaps story before 11/04 election
Why didn't you do that, Pinch? It would have been even MORE patriotic!
Why didn't you do that, Pinch? It would have been even MORE patriotic!
MASTERPIECE! Luke Spielberg and GE Bancorp all but BOUGHT the cover of PEOPLE NEWSRAG so that King Richard or somebody could call His film a masterpiece, just as Peter and GE Bancorp all but bought some space in TOILETBOWL rag to trumpet that the APE was a masterpiece ("2,189 supremely uncritical words"! WOW!!), so what happens? Everybody's mad (read jealous) that Luke gets all that real estate and no one else gets anything in return! What do they EXPECT from newsrags? And then Luke's CRISIS-MANAGEMENT honcho won't comment! What did He pay you for? To create a crisis? (Of course with clients like "R. Kelly and Rush Limbaugh" you SHOULD be experienced.) To top it off Richard Schickel, who's been a TWXSTER only, what, a hundred years, and has obviously used his long and fruitful wisdom to his advantage (making "a documentary that Spielberg produced and financed through DreamWorks" -- ka-CHING!!!!!), denies he had anything to do with the MASTERPIECE tag! Clever marketing, Dick! Someday St. Henry of Luce in His heaven will REWARD you for it! And all this masterpiece talk didn't stop Brooksy and Leon Wieseltier from trashing the pic, to which we can only say, you get what you PAY for.
GE Bancorp's going to win the ACADEMY AWARD® with a PC movie, but don't ask Little Jeffy. He wouldn't know.
WHY DO WE NEED NEWSRAGS?
P. S.
A few weeks earlier, Time trumpeted its "first look" at "Memoirs of a Geisha," which included the prediction that " 'Geisha' has a shot to join 'Chicago' as a best picture champ." When I asked Schickel about this hyperbole, he responded: "Since I slept through 'Geisha,' I can guarantee I didn't write that...."
OUR NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD TO DICK SCHICK!
P. P. S. This must be the "documentary" he made -- a PLUG for a LUKE SPIELBERG flick. Don't these TWXSTERS know anything but promotion?
You, DICK SCHICK, have moved up to the HEAD OF THE LINE for our SECOND ANNUAL NEUHARTHISM OF THE YEAR AWARD!
GE Bancorp's going to win the ACADEMY AWARD® with a PC movie, but don't ask Little Jeffy. He wouldn't know.
WHY DO WE NEED NEWSRAGS?
P. S.
A few weeks earlier, Time trumpeted its "first look" at "Memoirs of a Geisha," which included the prediction that " 'Geisha' has a shot to join 'Chicago' as a best picture champ." When I asked Schickel about this hyperbole, he responded: "Since I slept through 'Geisha,' I can guarantee I didn't write that...."
OUR NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD TO DICK SCHICK!
P. P. S. This must be the "documentary" he made -- a PLUG for a LUKE SPIELBERG flick. Don't these TWXSTERS know anything but promotion?
You, DICK SCHICK, have moved up to the HEAD OF THE LINE for our SECOND ANNUAL NEUHARTHISM OF THE YEAR AWARD!
Monday, December 19, 2005
FINALLY the TWXSTERS do something RIGHT:
BLOGGERS OF THE YEAR
Time magazine didn't name any this year.
BLOGGERS OF THE YEAR
Time magazine didn't name any this year.
A DE FACTO ELECTION, SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH:
THE PRESIDENT DID AN EXCELLENT JOB!!!!!!!!!!
POLL: BUSH'S SPEECHIFYING ISN'T GIVING HIM A BUMP!!!!!!!!!!
HEARTBURN DRUGS LINKED TO DIARRHEA!!!!!!!!!!
We're talking BOTH.
THE PRESIDENT DID AN EXCELLENT JOB!!!!!!!!!!
POLL: BUSH'S SPEECHIFYING ISN'T GIVING HIM A BUMP!!!!!!!!!!
HEARTBURN DRUGS LINKED TO DIARRHEA!!!!!!!!!!
We're talking BOTH.
More stats from the ETHICALLY CHALLENGED GRAND POOBAHS of PROFESSIONAL COLLEGE SPORT:
A little more than three-quarters of all scholarship athletes arriving from high school or transferring from other colleges from 1995-98 got their degrees within six years, according to the findings released by the NCAA on Monday.
BUT:
Not all the numbers were positive. Fourteen of the 25 teams in this week's USA TODAY men's basketball coaches' poll had NCAA rates beneath the sport's 58% average. No. 1 Duke's was 50%, as was No. 2 Connecticut's.
Six of the eight football teams preparing for Bowl Championship Series games had rates beneath the sport's 64% benchmark. No. 2 Texas tied for the sixth-lowest in Division I-A at 40%. No. 1 Southern California's was 55%.
TRANSLATION: The NPCPCAA STILL "GRADUATES" DUMMIES -- WHERE IT COUNTS.
A little more than three-quarters of all scholarship athletes arriving from high school or transferring from other colleges from 1995-98 got their degrees within six years, according to the findings released by the NCAA on Monday.
BUT:
Not all the numbers were positive. Fourteen of the 25 teams in this week's USA TODAY men's basketball coaches' poll had NCAA rates beneath the sport's 58% average. No. 1 Duke's was 50%, as was No. 2 Connecticut's.
Six of the eight football teams preparing for Bowl Championship Series games had rates beneath the sport's 64% benchmark. No. 2 Texas tied for the sixth-lowest in Division I-A at 40%. No. 1 Southern California's was 55%.
TRANSLATION: The NPCPCAA STILL "GRADUATES" DUMMIES -- WHERE IT COUNTS.
Rebels: U.S. hostage killed
Hey OKAY!!!!!!!!!! Why not call them freedom fighters!
I'd rather read you idiots plugging a movie, or SUPER BOWL ADS.
Hey OKAY!!!!!!!!!! Why not call them freedom fighters!
I'd rather read you idiots plugging a movie, or SUPER BOWL ADS.
Apparently one of Romy's many devoted fans is a little annoyed because THE PAPER OF RE-CORD encouraged some teenager who sold pornographic images of himself on the Web to (to use a favorite NEWS HACK word of recent vintage) SNITCH on some of his customers.
We have our own questions about whether news hacks should get into the law-enforcement biz, though they've been in it mightily since WOODSTEIN, and especially as lately they've done it to SELL BOOKS. We have questions too about whether teens should be in the porn biz. THE GLIBERAL must be spinning in his grave at this IGNOBLE PERSECUTION of PLEASURE LOVERS.
We have our own questions about whether news hacks should get into the law-enforcement biz, though they've been in it mightily since WOODSTEIN, and especially as lately they've done it to SELL BOOKS. We have questions too about whether teens should be in the porn biz. THE GLIBERAL must be spinning in his grave at this IGNOBLE PERSECUTION of PLEASURE LOVERS.
Open-mindedness in the NEWS BIZ:
Kristof vs. O'Reilly Re: Nicholas Kristof/Bill O'Reilly Feud Heats Up
Double and triple cheers for Nicholas Kristof for calling out O'Reilly. Keep up the great work! Happy Holidays!
Mark Panni
Ed's Note: Mark, you'd better be careful with those "Holiday" cheers. O'Reilly might come after you for taking the Christ out of Christmas.
Having already spoken of jokes, and being too familiar with them as a blogger, we think Jay DeFOORE! (whoever he is) is trying to tell one, something NEWS HACKS should NEVER do intentionally. And then DeFOORE! gets us to thinking these are the same hacks who scream at the top of their lungs about THE SE-PA-RA-TION OF CHURCH AND STATE, and whose thoroughgoing PC and DIVERSITY HIRING have helped lead to words like "Holidays" substituting for Christmas; so forgive us for not finding the JOKE all that funny. Finally, we feel sure to say Nick AND the NO-SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN ZONE are damfools, but when confronted with a conservative damfool and a liberal damfool your knee-jerk of any stripe sees only one damfool, a pretty good indication he's ditto.
Exceptional open-mindedness!
Kristof vs. O'Reilly Re: Nicholas Kristof/Bill O'Reilly Feud Heats Up
Double and triple cheers for Nicholas Kristof for calling out O'Reilly. Keep up the great work! Happy Holidays!
Mark Panni
Ed's Note: Mark, you'd better be careful with those "Holiday" cheers. O'Reilly might come after you for taking the Christ out of Christmas.
Having already spoken of jokes, and being too familiar with them as a blogger, we think Jay DeFOORE! (whoever he is) is trying to tell one, something NEWS HACKS should NEVER do intentionally. And then DeFOORE! gets us to thinking these are the same hacks who scream at the top of their lungs about THE SE-PA-RA-TION OF CHURCH AND STATE, and whose thoroughgoing PC and DIVERSITY HIRING have helped lead to words like "Holidays" substituting for Christmas; so forgive us for not finding the JOKE all that funny. Finally, we feel sure to say Nick AND the NO-SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN ZONE are damfools, but when confronted with a conservative damfool and a liberal damfool your knee-jerk of any stripe sees only one damfool, a pretty good indication he's ditto.
Exceptional open-mindedness!
This HAS to be a joke:
A human rights group is alleging the United States operated a secret prison near Afghanistan's capital as recently as last year.
The group claims that music by Eminem and Dr. Dre were used as instruments of torture.
New York-based Human Rights Watch has issued a report saying the United States operated a secret prison in Afghanistan and tortured detainees. The report quoted an Ethiopian-born detainee as saying he was kept in a pitch-black prison and forced to listen to Eminem and Dr. Dre’s rap music for 20 days before the music was replaced by "horrible ghost laughter and Halloween sounds."
It is a joke!
And a VERY funny one, I might add.
(Via -- The FREEP)
Oooooooooooooooooooops! I do believe I provided a link to the WRONG TUNE EXCERPT several posts ago! I am so sorry about that. It should be THIS one.
SO sorry.
SO sorry.
This is embarraskin':
Cablevision Systems Corp., a Long Island-based cable TV company, on Monday said it would cancel a special $3 billion dividend after finding it had violated the terms of its bank borrowing agreement.
You mean we can't get the turnips to make good for us?
Cablevision Systems Corp., a Long Island-based cable TV company, on Monday said it would cancel a special $3 billion dividend after finding it had violated the terms of its bank borrowing agreement.
You mean we can't get the turnips to make good for us?
Get mad, professional-college basketball fans: the genius Congresspoops have pegged the drop-dead date for analog TV transmission as February 17, 2009, before the FINAL FOUR!
Not to worry -- Uncle Sucker will spend $1.5 billion to bail you out with set-top boxes.
While the Congressional Budget Office has estimated that setting a digital transition date in 2009 would generate $10 billion, at least three analyses by private groups have pegged the value of the analog frequencies at $20 billion to $28 billion.
Meaning none of those, and probably closer to zero.
Not to worry -- Uncle Sucker will spend $1.5 billion to bail you out with set-top boxes.
While the Congressional Budget Office has estimated that setting a digital transition date in 2009 would generate $10 billion, at least three analyses by private groups have pegged the value of the analog frequencies at $20 billion to $28 billion.
Meaning none of those, and probably closer to zero.
"Over the Rainbow"..."You'll Never Know"..."On the Atchison, Topeka and the Santa Fe"...
And one of these marvels will join the decaying PANTHEON of ACADEMY AWARD® BEST SONG WINNERS:
"Along the River" from "End of the Spear"
"Angels Talk" from "Angels with Angles"
"Butterfly" from "Because of Winn-Dixie"
"Can't Take It In" from "The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe"
"Closer Every Day" from "Freezerburn"
"Dicholo" from "The Constant Gardener"
"Do the Hippogriff" from "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire"
"Dreamer" from "Dreamer: Inspired by a True Story"
"Face of Faith" from "Rumor Has It"
"Fight for the Children" from "Palindromes"
"Finding Home" from "Finding Home"
"Great Big World" from "Hookwinked"
"Have a Little Faith" from "The Theory of Everything"
"Hustle & Flow (It Ain't Over)" from "Hustle & Flow"
"(I'd Have It All) If I Had Drew" from "My Date with Drew"
"If I Apologize" from "Mirrormask"
"I'll Be Near You" from "Bee Season"
"I'll Whip Ya Head Boy" from "Get Rich or Die Tryin'"
"In the Deep" from "Crash"
"It Ain't Over Yet” from "Racing Stripes"
"It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp" from "Hustle & Flow"
"I've Gotta See You Smile" from "Because of Winn-Dixie"
"Mad Hot Ballroom" from "Mad Hot Ballroom"
"Move Away and Shine" from "Thumbsucker"
"My Brother, My People" from "Blues by the Beach"
"Nobody Jesus But You" from "Palindromes"
"One Blood" from "Green Street Hooligans"
"One Little Slip" from "Chicken Little"
"One Safe Place" from "The Upside of Anger"
"Reachin' for Heaven" from "Ice Princess"
"Remains of the Day" from "Tim Burton's Corpse Bride"
"Same in Any Language" from "Elizabethtown"
"Shine" from "Robots"
"Shoulder to Shoulder" from "Pooh's Heffalump Movie"
"So Long and Thanks for All the Fish" from "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
"Taking the Inside Rail" from "Racing Stripes"
"Tell Me What You Already Did" from "Robots"
"These Days" from "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants"
"This Is the Way" from "Palindromes"
"Travelin' Thru" from "Transamerica"
"You're Gonna Die Soon" from "Sarah Silverman: Jesus is Magic"
...and LAST but not LEAST, KERNGERSHWIN HAMMERSTEIN'S LATEST CLASSIC,
"THERRRRRRRRRRE'S NOTHING LIKE A SHOW ON BRRRRRRRRRROADWAY!!!!!!!!!!"
And one of these marvels will join the decaying PANTHEON of ACADEMY AWARD® BEST SONG WINNERS:
"Along the River" from "End of the Spear"
"Angels Talk" from "Angels with Angles"
"Butterfly" from "Because of Winn-Dixie"
"Can't Take It In" from "The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe"
"Closer Every Day" from "Freezerburn"
"Dicholo" from "The Constant Gardener"
"Do the Hippogriff" from "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire"
"Dreamer" from "Dreamer: Inspired by a True Story"
"Face of Faith" from "Rumor Has It"
"Fight for the Children" from "Palindromes"
"Finding Home" from "Finding Home"
"Great Big World" from "Hookwinked"
"Have a Little Faith" from "The Theory of Everything"
"Hustle & Flow (It Ain't Over)" from "Hustle & Flow"
"(I'd Have It All) If I Had Drew" from "My Date with Drew"
"If I Apologize" from "Mirrormask"
"I'll Be Near You" from "Bee Season"
"I'll Whip Ya Head Boy" from "Get Rich or Die Tryin'"
"In the Deep" from "Crash"
"It Ain't Over Yet” from "Racing Stripes"
"It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp" from "Hustle & Flow"
"I've Gotta See You Smile" from "Because of Winn-Dixie"
"Mad Hot Ballroom" from "Mad Hot Ballroom"
"Move Away and Shine" from "Thumbsucker"
"My Brother, My People" from "Blues by the Beach"
"Nobody Jesus But You" from "Palindromes"
"One Blood" from "Green Street Hooligans"
"One Little Slip" from "Chicken Little"
"One Safe Place" from "The Upside of Anger"
"Reachin' for Heaven" from "Ice Princess"
"Remains of the Day" from "Tim Burton's Corpse Bride"
"Same in Any Language" from "Elizabethtown"
"Shine" from "Robots"
"Shoulder to Shoulder" from "Pooh's Heffalump Movie"
"So Long and Thanks for All the Fish" from "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
"Taking the Inside Rail" from "Racing Stripes"
"Tell Me What You Already Did" from "Robots"
"These Days" from "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants"
"This Is the Way" from "Palindromes"
"Travelin' Thru" from "Transamerica"
"You're Gonna Die Soon" from "Sarah Silverman: Jesus is Magic"
...and LAST but not LEAST, KERNGERSHWIN HAMMERSTEIN'S LATEST CLASSIC,
"THERRRRRRRRRRE'S NOTHING LIKE A SHOW ON BRRRRRRRRRROADWAY!!!!!!!!!!"
Somebody with too much time on his hands has devised an
Animated Singing Santa Hack
GET A LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Via Slashdot, as if)
Animated Singing Santa Hack
GET A LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Via Slashdot, as if)
Elsewhere in VNU (rhymes with g-nu?), the CHRISTIAN JIHADISTS (or whatever EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW!, the former STERNO, would call them) will not be appeased, and neither will Congress -- although we could hope for more Congresspoops like THE GREAT ALASKAN BOAR, who are willing to give a MULTI-ZILLION-DOLLAR INDUSTRY a chance even as he builds bridges and roads and tunnels to nowhere.
And I guess THEM COWBOYS ain't enough to assuage the folks in Fairfield about the APE, because now GE BANCORP insists to the easily-moved dull needles at the Hollywood Stenographer it's sold RECORD INVENTORY for its GAMES!!!!!
If true (is anything from show-biz true?) it means a lot of CEOs are getting those luxury suites in I-taly, and a lot of their subordinates are IN FOR IT.
If true (is anything from show-biz true?) it means a lot of CEOs are getting those luxury suites in I-taly, and a lot of their subordinates are IN FOR IT.
Questions of security have been largely ignored in debates over a new baseball stadium for the Washington Nationals, which sits amid several sites considered high-profile targets for potential terrorist attacks.
There's half-a-billion MORE for the Taj Mahal ALONE!
There's half-a-billion MORE for the Taj Mahal ALONE!
The playoffs are weeks off and already USAOKAY!!!!! is rehearsing its SUPER BOWL AD shtick.
If the purpose of the news biz is to spin and sell, what's the purpose of the news biz?
If the purpose of the news biz is to spin and sell, what's the purpose of the news biz?
Sunday, December 18, 2005
This ad ran in Paidcontent.org. The notion that there should be paid walls around news content is self-defeating. Nearly every publication that has tried it has failed, save the weird exception of Consumer Reports, which is (more or less) non-commercial; the Wall Street Journals persist with it due to pride and stubbornnesas, and they've quickly taken the backseat to BusinessWeek and Forbes. Advertising gives Web publishers an out, and audiences an in. It wouldn't hurt to try it.
Cognitive dissonance at the FREEP:
Of the 20 major media outlets studied, 18 scored left of center, with CBS' "Evening News," The New York Times and the Los Angeles Times ranking second, third and fourth most liberal behind the news pages of The Wall Street Journal.
I read the WSJ nearly every day ... where the h*** [SIC] are they coming up with the Journal ranking #1 in liberal biased news coverage?
Of the 20 major media outlets studied, 18 scored left of center, with CBS' "Evening News," The New York Times and the Los Angeles Times ranking second, third and fourth most liberal behind the news pages of The Wall Street Journal.
I read the WSJ nearly every day ... where the h*** [SIC] are they coming up with the Journal ranking #1 in liberal biased news coverage?
Shucks, the Colts' string ended. Just as well; had they gone unbeaten that would have become as intolerable as MOVIE BLURBS.
A key tenet of RENDELLISM is, "Well, it's better than nothing." Case in point: Williams-Sonoma has opened a cutesy-pie high-end pillow and accessory store on Chestnut Street, in an old Woolworth's. The Woolworth's occupied two floors of a four-story building, stretching end-to-end a half a city block, and at its height was crowded with unpretentious customers buying household goods and candies, or getting a decent hamburger at the counter. This store occupies perhaps a quarter of that space (the back has a forlorn looking "customer pick-up entrance"), the wood floor screams, "LOOK AT ME! I'M AFFLUENT!", and it's supposed to appeal to the yuppies and gays who are at the center of the RENDELLVERSE. As you might expect with a cutesy-pie high-end store it's sterile, and fake, and uninviting, and there's little for the eye or mind to linger on, and the few customers wandered in and out, as did I. (Another irony: probably most of the merchandise is made in CHINA.) Apparently all manner of cutesy-pie high-end stores will soon be its neighbors, all looking alike with exposed ceilings and high-intensity lighting and look-alike goods. I get mad because had some decent middle-class retailers not fled our city screaming, and had they not been replaced by ghetto hoods selling $2 sneakers and [C]RAP equipment, this wouldn't have happened. Instead, we get a city for the walking dead in a dying city. And they're AFFLUENT!
P. S. The building's second floor will soon be occupied by a HIP BOWLING ALLEY, meaning in time all of Center City will be occupied by HIP, AFFLUENT, YOUNG, UNMARRIED, WALKING-DEAD ANDROIDS!
P. S. The building's second floor will soon be occupied by a HIP BOWLING ALLEY, meaning in time all of Center City will be occupied by HIP, AFFLUENT, YOUNG, UNMARRIED, WALKING-DEAD ANDROIDS!
Another fight with two heroes: Nick Kristof and THE NO-SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN ZONE!
May the lesser man LOSE! And that means BOTH OF YA!
(Via -- it figures -- THE FREEP, where even the TRUE BELIEVERS may be starting to realize RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s NOT CONSERVATIVE!)
May the lesser man LOSE! And that means BOTH OF YA!
(Via -- it figures -- THE FREEP, where even the TRUE BELIEVERS may be starting to realize RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s NOT CONSERVATIVE!)
As THE PAPER OF RE-CORD reaps huge rewards touting a book on the front page, its public-editor whosits Mr. Huh? writes about -- BOOK REVIEWS.
Is it true your office is in a hole in a subbasement -- and you'll only come out when PINCH offers you cheese?
Is it true your office is in a hole in a subbasement -- and you'll only come out when PINCH offers you cheese?
Did you know there was a "huge" title fight last night?
You didn't? I didn't either.
Boxing is the TimesReject of sport.
You didn't? I didn't either.
Boxing is the TimesReject of sport.
And who'd have guessed -- fraudulent e-mails are Nigeria's biggest export!
And now they have an excuse:
Nigeria's government is now cracking down harder on e-mail fraud, in part to repair damage the scams have done to the country's global reputation. But the boys and their bosses may be difficult to stop. Many are motivated not just by greed, but a desire to leave their country — or retaliate against Westerners for perceived injustices.
So! They're scamming people to make up for -- slavery? Colonialism?
Raise the FIST to power!!!!!
And then punch yourselves in the coconuts.
And now they have an excuse:
Nigeria's government is now cracking down harder on e-mail fraud, in part to repair damage the scams have done to the country's global reputation. But the boys and their bosses may be difficult to stop. Many are motivated not just by greed, but a desire to leave their country — or retaliate against Westerners for perceived injustices.
So! They're scamming people to make up for -- slavery? Colonialism?
Raise the FIST to power!!!!!
And then punch yourselves in the coconuts.
Meanwhile, elsewhere at ESPNCORP Network "News", the work of a seven-digit 'do is never done.
During the rest of the year, the Rockettes — who range in age from 18 to 41, work in a variety of professions — perhaps as teachers, yoga instructors or dancers on Broadway. Many were cast in the movie "The Producers."
Do I smell a PLUG?
The hacks have a new term: KING GEORGE!!!!!
Feingold, who is believed to be considering a run for president in 2008....
Thanks, Prince Russ!
Feingold, who is believed to be considering a run for president in 2008....
Thanks, Prince Russ!
Well, the fake numbers are trickling in: APE III allegedly will do $50 million for the weekend. That it was supposed to do $100 MEGAZILLION can't make THE CONSPIRACY too happy. Also that's not too much better than HUGH AND K-LO'S FAVORITE MOVIE ($31 MILLION) in its SECOND weekend -- and that's down over 50 PERCENT. Keep in mind PAUL DRECK TALLIES SUNDAYS, even though that @#$%&* DIMWIT may NOT have ESP.
Total top-12 B. O., for all the huffing and puffing, appears to be up a somewhat pyrrhic twenty percent, and two-thirds came from TWO MOVIES -- and the next two weeks will likely be DOWN. AGAIN, we pay too much attention to these MORONIC NUMBERS, but movies are the center of the NEWS HACKS' UNIVERSE, and they're at the center of OURS.
P. S. There's hugging in Fairfield tonight! Whoops! You didn't know? I didn't -- THE GAY COWBOYS IS A GOODTHING!
HEY SPYWARE COWBOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You should demand TWENTY PERCENT from LITTLE JEFFY!
Alas, even fifty percent of KERNGERSHWIN HAMMERSTEIN may NOT be a goodthing.
P. P. S. Rosie's Nephew's latest tantrum up 23 venues, down 53 percent. Hey guy! Do you think maybe people don't like having their scabs picked?
Total top-12 B. O., for all the huffing and puffing, appears to be up a somewhat pyrrhic twenty percent, and two-thirds came from TWO MOVIES -- and the next two weeks will likely be DOWN. AGAIN, we pay too much attention to these MORONIC NUMBERS, but movies are the center of the NEWS HACKS' UNIVERSE, and they're at the center of OURS.
P. S. There's hugging in Fairfield tonight! Whoops! You didn't know? I didn't -- THE GAY COWBOYS IS A GOODTHING!
HEY SPYWARE COWBOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You should demand TWENTY PERCENT from LITTLE JEFFY!
Alas, even fifty percent of KERNGERSHWIN HAMMERSTEIN may NOT be a goodthing.
P. P. S. Rosie's Nephew's latest tantrum up 23 venues, down 53 percent. Hey guy! Do you think maybe people don't like having their scabs picked?
And with the murder of THE GREATEST BROADCASTER OF ALL TIME at the hands of Mark Mays and GENERAL JR., we will no longer call his most faithful fan STERNO. Instead we will name him for the pile of truth he founded and diligently ran for a dozen years, a crusading compendium for the cause of show business, whose fearless writers have never stopped believing we're in THE PLATINUM AGE OF ENTERTAINMENT.
In short, we're naming him EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW!
In short, we're naming him EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW!
OUCH:
At the end of 2004, Sirius had 1.14 million subscribers, or a market share of about 26.1 percent of satellite subscribers when weighed against rival XM's 3.23 million subscribers.
With a steady drumbeat of publicity over 14 months, Sirius has been able to move the needle just four percentage points.
Since Jan. 1, Sirius has added 1.06 million subscribers, or about 353,000 per quarter, for a total count of 2.2 million, or 30.4 percent market share.
XM has added almost twice as many subscribers, swelling its base by 1.8 million through the first three-quarters of this year to 5.03 million.
And the hard market share gain came at a price. Sirius pays, on average, more than $150 for each subscriber gained, while XM pays one-third of that.
And the radio conspiracy has just started with its digital initiative; it has a chance to knock some wind out of sat-radio's gasbags. No doubt it will be just CHEAP CHANNEL TIMES THREE. And the home-theater geeks at avsforum.com generally don't think highly of sat-radio's sound. Is a new kind of lousy worth $13 a month?
At the end of 2004, Sirius had 1.14 million subscribers, or a market share of about 26.1 percent of satellite subscribers when weighed against rival XM's 3.23 million subscribers.
With a steady drumbeat of publicity over 14 months, Sirius has been able to move the needle just four percentage points.
Since Jan. 1, Sirius has added 1.06 million subscribers, or about 353,000 per quarter, for a total count of 2.2 million, or 30.4 percent market share.
XM has added almost twice as many subscribers, swelling its base by 1.8 million through the first three-quarters of this year to 5.03 million.
And the hard market share gain came at a price. Sirius pays, on average, more than $150 for each subscriber gained, while XM pays one-third of that.
And the radio conspiracy has just started with its digital initiative; it has a chance to knock some wind out of sat-radio's gasbags. No doubt it will be just CHEAP CHANNEL TIMES THREE. And the home-theater geeks at avsforum.com generally don't think highly of sat-radio's sound. Is a new kind of lousy worth $13 a month?
An EFFECTIVE editorial: With the LORDS OF BASEBALL about to rape you, says the WAPOST, just relax and enjoy it.
Do we NEED editorials?
Do we NEED editorials?