Eugene David ...The One-Minute Pundit |
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED: I know more than you. I make lots more money than you. I'm smarter than you. I'm sexier than you. I appear on TV all the time. I work ten minutes a day. I rule the universe. I'm going to live forever. You are an idiot. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2: A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3: I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity. --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4: News isn't news when we don't report it. PERMALINKS: THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE! Blogroll Me! |
Saturday, February 02, 2008
Posted
9:44 PM
by Gene
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8:50 PM
by Gene
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8:41 PM
by Gene
In 1980, Hampton and the board wanted to endorse incumbent Democrat Jimmy Carter for president, but then-Executive Editor John McMullan favored Republican challenger Ronald Reagan. The two newsmen compromised -- and endorsed the independent third-party candidate John Anderson. Four years later, a majority of the Editorial Board wanted to recommend Democratic challenger Walter Mondale. But publisher Richard Capen insisted the paper should endorse Reagan. ''In protest, I handed Dick a letter of resignation,'' Hampton recalled in a 1998 commentary. ``He tore it up and persuaded me to accept an unprecedented (some would say infamous) compromise.'' The Herald's editorial endorsed Reagan, but alongside it ran a column by Hampton with the headline: ``Most of us preferred Mondale.'' Hampton minced no words. ''In behalf of the substantial majority of this newspaper's Editorial Board, I respectfully but strenuously dissent from today's recommendation of Ronald Reagan for president,'' he wrote. Hampton persuaded Capen's successor, Lawrence, to allow the paper to forgo presidential endorsements in 1992 and 1996. On Friday, McClatchy, which purchased the Herald's owner Knight Ridder two years ago, closed at $11.09, near its lowest level since it went public 20 years ago. It took more than the DO-NOT-CALL LAW to pull that one off.
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6:27 PM
by Gene
And now I'd guess their partners in megalomania the Screen Ac-TORS Guild will settle first.
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6:17 PM
by Gene
If McCain does not suffer fools lightly, that is because they are doing foolish things to the national interest... So that's why he'll be a good lib...president. I must not get into the eeny-weeny thinking of con-SER-va-tives, but the news hacks' mutual love affair with Boobs is a big fat STEEEEEEEEEERIKE ONE.
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11:47 AM
by Gene
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11:29 AM
by Gene
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10:58 AM
by Gene
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9:53 AM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: Gerald Ford Republicans still live. So what? Friday, February 01, 2008
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7:47 PM
by Gene
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7:21 PM
by Gene
And we can certainly add STATE LEGISLATURES to the long list of outfits that have outlived their usefulness -- if they had any to begin with.
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6:42 PM
by Gene
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5:37 PM
by Gene
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5:34 PM
by Gene
Could this help explain why "media" are so bad? Naaaaaaaaaah.
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5:16 PM
by Gene
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5:13 PM
by Gene
![]() YOU-KNOW-WHO wasn't in the car, so the caption tells us, but one look at this photo and you have the meaning of "incorrigible".
Posted
1:47 PM
by Gene
That's okay, Doc; we'll never watch your favorite movie.
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1:38 PM
by Gene
In today’s New York Times Richard Land, pictured sitting behind a microphone, is quoted as saying this: When I hear Rush Limbaugh say that a McCain nomination would destroy the Republican Party, what I want to say to Rush is, “You need to get out of the studio more and talk to real people. [Punctuation and lack-of-italics SIC] That strikes me as an odd criticism from Dr. Land, whom I know and like. Dr. Land may disagree with Rush, but he should acknowledge the obvious: For almost 20 years, Rush Limbaugh has been talking to more “real people” than I suspect Richard Land ever will. Rush’s weekly audience is between 13 and 20 million people – all of whom are “real.” He also makes zillions and lives in a Palm Beach mansion, unlike any given 13 to 20 million people. NUF SAID.
Posted
11:50 AM
by Gene
The SUPE -- oh, he's talking about the OS-CARS®. Six of one.
Posted
9:16 AM
by Gene
And as to this dust-up between the dueling DAILY NOOZ egos, it's clear they ache to be in with the in-crowd, proof yet again your modern day news hack wants to comfort the comfortable and afflict the afflicted.
Posted
8:57 AM
by Gene
We beg of you -- DO IT! Our sanity DEMANDS it!
Posted
8:55 AM
by Gene
Another very good reason for us to RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!! In both bombings, the attackers were wearing suicide vests, according to Qasim Atta, a spokesman for the Baghdad security plan. Atta told state TV that both women were mentally disabled and their explosives were remotely detonated. Anyone who wants us out of Iraq effectively defends such barbarism. Thursday, January 31, 2008
Posted
6:33 PM
by Gene
"I think holding their nose they're going to have to take him," she told C-SPAN recently. What an INSPIRING choice.
Posted
6:27 PM
by Gene
A Harris Interactive survey for Zillow.com in December found that 36% of homeowners thought their homes had increased in value over the past year, vs. 23% who thought they had decreased. That willful optimism translates directly into the record overhang of unsold existing homes: more than 4 million. And we know where all that increase will go.
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6:03 PM
by Gene
![]() Ah-NULT: John, I'dt be glahhht to be yourrr VIZZZZZZZZE-PRREZIDENT! Boobs: Happy to oblige Arnold, but, uh....
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6:01 PM
by Gene
KFC Corp. has cooked up a tasty bit of ambush marketing for the Super Bowl, but what if the players turn out to be too chicken to play along? The Louisville, Ky.-based chicken chain on Jan. 17 said it would make a charitable donation of $260,000 to "Colonel's Scholars" in the name of the first player or entertainment performer who does the wing-flapping part of the wedding perennial "chicken dance" for three seconds in the end zone. The campaign is designed to promote KFC's hot wings.... This is ambush marketing (we had to correct our post), meaning the NFL got a little mad, and there are no luxury suites to defend.
Posted
5:58 PM
by Gene
![]() Should a company called CLOROX criticize the ingredients of its rivals' beauty potions? All RIGHT, we had an excuse.
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5:49 PM
by Gene
P. S. [I]t's worth asking ourselves how things went so wrong at the Kimmel. It was the first of six major civic buildings (Independence Visitors' Center, the two new stadiums, etc.) started during the Rendell administration. All suffer to varying degrees from the same off-putting feeling on their ground floors. Why? Because EDDIE wouldn't catch himself DEAD on the GROUND FLOOR!
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5:33 PM
by Gene
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1:54 PM
by Gene
That SLIME is running this endorses His supreme belief that any publicity is good publicity, the history of His company notwithstanding. (Via MediaBistro)
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10:53 AM
by Gene
Bristol-Myers Squibb Co. narrowed its loss in the fourth quarter as surging sales of its anti- clotting pill Plavix partially offset charges for costs that include investments backed by subprime securities. Who ELSE owns this scrap paper?
Posted
10:37 AM
by Gene
Some analysts are predicting that Super Bowl XLII may break a record of 94.1 million viewers, set in 1996, because of the possibility that the Patriots will finish the N.F.L. season undefeated. Oh, no, Madison Avenue frets. What if the game proves more interesting than the commercials? Remember, MORONS, programming is mere FILLER for your ADS.
Posted
9:40 AM
by Gene
I got certified as a SCUBA diver to report on the underwater scenes in the Bahamas with Tom Hanks and Darryl Hannah for Ron Howard’s “Splash!” I’ve sung (not well) with Rod Steiger in a restaurant in Durango, Mexico, played golf (not well, either) with Clint Eastwood on the Monterrey Peninsula, and spent a total of six months of spring on the French Riviera covering the Cannes Film Festival. With these two grafs, Jack has conclusively shown why the sooner newspapers rid themselves of their movie ad-blurbists, the better.
Posted
9:22 AM
by Gene
![]() Now Mark Steyn wants to make himself irrelevant. What IS with these con-SER-va-tives and their worship of Corporate America? "Undoubtedly there are 'greedy people on Wall Street'. Why should he and his chums be the ones who decide whether they need to be 'punished'?" Well, Guinness Book Record Holder for Most Columns Written in an Hour, if his chums include, say, the Attorney General, or the FBI director, or the chairman of the Securities and Exchange Commission, they may have a reason. Mind you, just may. Also, there's rumor of some EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL document Teddy and his chums may use to persecute con-SER-va-tives' heroes. It's called The Federal Register.
Posted
8:39 AM
by Gene
Also, the whores have the tact to stay in the house.
Posted
8:36 AM
by Gene
It couldn't have happened to a nicer company, however.
Posted
8:23 AM
by Gene
[A]nalysts don't expect a quick fix. "Irene & Co. are confronting long-term problems that will take some time to solve," Wachovia analyst Jonathan Feeney said in a report. "For example, the problem in the cheese business isn't so much costs, it is that brand equity and product differentiation are well below average -- not something that can be fixed overnight." TRANSLATION: How different are brands of prepackaged cheese slices -- or instant coffee? Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Posted
8:07 PM
by Gene
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7:10 PM
by Gene
Eli Lilly and federal prosecutors are discussing a settlement of a civil and criminal investigation into the company’s marketing of the antipsychotic drug Zyprexa that could result in Lilly’s paying more than $1 billion to federal and state governments. Let's see, what could con-SER-va-tives say? Shakedown, extortion, socialism -- but Big Pharma sorta got in this fix when it let MadAve portray its every drug as a cure for cancer and bad sex. And all that talk about the billions Big Pharma selflessly spends seems more than a little hollow these days.
Posted
7:07 PM
by Gene
![]() OH oh, now the hard-core TEDDY haters will REALLY be mad: Schwarzenegger to back McCain for president
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5:11 PM
by Gene
![]() Somebody named Suderman says Lame Duck's "stimulus" package is ineffective and possibly unnecessary, something one can agree with given the excellence of the Sausage Factory on the Potomac; but then perhaps hoping his readers wouldn't click on the link he suggests for an alternative a Republican House plan which includes: 2) Significant Reduction in the Top Corporate Tax Rate. 3) End the Capital Gains Tax on Inflation. 4) Simplify the Capital Gains Rate Structure. In short, gifts for Richie Rich, which would probably lead to all sorts of Richie Rich-style things like forcing ordinary people to pay more taxes, while vastly helping .001 percent of the population, the percent that needs no help. Paying small "rebates" to poor and middle-class people is a practical irrelevance, as money with these classes goes too fast and buys too little; but giving out more lavish Tiffany-boxed candy treats to people who spell their names with dollar signs hearkens to why the Republican Congress had an infestation of RED-STATE SCORPIONS. "1)" is "Full, Immediate Expensing" [sic], and we have no idea what this means, but since the House GOP hacks say "this provision would encourage the purchase of assets with which to grow a business" we presume this means a new generation of LEGENDARY WELCHES and THREE-HEADED DOGS buybuybuying -- and the old one was enough. At any rate this is sheer cheap posturing, as Scott and his gang of majority-seekers knew this was about as likely to pass as Speaker Babs is to endorse Ron Paul.
Posted
1:52 PM
by Gene
Are they sure it's snow that's falling?
Posted
1:49 PM
by Gene
Should it matter? It's the Devil in disguise any way.
Posted
1:44 PM
by Gene
(Via the usual Romy)
Posted
1:39 PM
by Gene
Posted
11:08 AM
by Gene
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10:48 AM
by Gene
IMBECILES!
Posted
10:30 AM
by Gene
Oscar-nominated films are often small, dark and unintended for mass audiences; they're about art, after all, not commerce. Which CERTAINLY explains such small, dark, unintended-for-mass-audience best picture Os-CAR® nominees as 42nd Street, Little Women, The Private Life of Henry VIII, The Gay Divorcée, The Thin Man, David Copperfield, Top Hat, San Francisco, The Awful Truth, Captains Courageous, The Adventures of Robin Hood, Jezebel, Pygmalion, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, Stagecoach, The Wizard of Oz, Wuthering Heights -- and that's just the thirties! And I haven't even mentioned the winners! Which has NOTHING, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, to do with the fact that now a big-city daily is without a full-time movie ad-blurbist. In truth THE CONSPIRACY can't make a decent movie to save its life, and all but cedes the fall season to the ad-blurbists, who engage in a CIRCLE JERK over the small, dark, unintended-for-mass-audience films the biz makes because the ad-blurbists encourage the film extruders to mistake them for quality. Given how these IDIOTS have helped bring down the film biz we DO NOT NEED THEM, and as for the pictures it goes without saying. And that our excuser quotes PAUL DRECK means a NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO CHRISTY!
Posted
8:19 AM
by Gene
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Posted
5:51 PM
by Gene
What they do best -- SPEND IT.
Posted
5:46 PM
by Gene
This sounds like a hope, and there's reason to believe it could happen -- but we would like to see it happen in a biz so intensely competitive and that, however gutted out our domestic biz is, still is in the economic driver's seat. And if Wal-Mart's nascent effort to sell hybrids becomes more than a token gesture you can throw this notion completely out the window.
Posted
5:33 PM
by Gene
The possibility of a recession led Goldman Sachs Group Inc. to reduce profit estimates for media companies including Viacom and Disney. Goldman said Jan. 9 that Viacom's earnings before interest, taxes, depreciation and amortization may gain 6 percent this year, down from a previous prediction of 8 percent. Overall, traditional advertising sales in the U.S. will decline 3 percent to 5 percent this year, Goldman estimates. [Eighth and ninth grafs] NUF SAID. (Via IWantMedia)
Posted
5:29 PM
by Gene
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5:25 PM
by Gene
Primary Tally So Far: 160,000 TV Spots and $141M in Spending In Politics, Web Surpasses TV for Under-30 Voters
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1:47 PM
by Gene
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11:58 AM
by Gene
Monday, January 28, 2008
Posted
7:32 PM
by Gene
On the north end of the Capitol, Sen. Jim DeMint (R-S.C.) will give a YouTube response here after the Democrats are done with their response. ...and then a Democrat will give his YouTube response to the YouTube response, then a Republican will give his YouTube response to the YouTube response to the Democrats' response, then.... Don't these @#$%^& campaigns ever end?
Posted
6:31 PM
by Gene
Consider fourth-quarter spots, which have long been considered rolls of the dice....This year, the risk is much smaller than that potential reward because of the Patriots' pursuit of an unprecedented 19-0 record, which is expected to keep viewers glued to the game's closing moments. In an earlier interview, Bob Lachky [pronounced lackey or latchkey?], exec VP-global industry and creative development at Anheuser-Busch, the game's heaviest advertiser, said interest in seeing the Patriots make -- or fail to make -- history figures to bolster fourth-quarter viewership regardless of the score. (A-B has one ad scheduled for the fourth quarter.) Even if the JINTS win in a blowout? Which we rather hope to spite your faces in the luxury boxes. P. S. Sorry for that aside, but dammit so many CEOs and their enablers want to shake us upside-down by the ankles to finance their daydreams.
Posted
6:28 PM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: Geeks do not like being dictated to, even by the Lord God Steve.
Posted
5:58 PM
by Gene
An industry employing 53,000 people in any metropolitan area is large enough to merit at least some attention from policymakers. But more workers are employed by many other industries in and around Chicago. Why should policymakers care about this small subset of the city’s total employment? Because you can't go around boasting that YOU know the owner of a clothing factory! (Via one of America's leading recorded...SOUND flacks via the annoying ArtsJournal)
Posted
5:53 PM
by Gene
Which isn't the way it usually works out.
Posted
5:48 PM
by Gene
But what do these prognostications really mean? I recently read a two-week-old issue of Entertainment Weekly that used the predictions of a half dozen of those professional Oscar bloggers. No one got anything right! It was very funny. If all that energy was used to solve the Earth’s real problems … It would be on a collision course with the sun.
Posted
5:46 PM
by Gene
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5:39 PM
by Gene
![]() Say, if the real-estate hucksters could take care of Branson East, why can't they create an all-new Branson West? Who wants to guess those beautiful theaters end up being wards of the state -- if they find any bookings at all? Some question whether Broadway needs a face-lift. UCLA law professor Gary Blasi noted that the Latino-oriented businesses have stood the test of time. "Unless you have a different vision, aesthetically and ethnically, then why?" Blasi said. Ask EDDIE!
Posted
5:36 PM
by Gene
We say Spears has overexposure "issues", which led to every "issue" that followed, not least the "ISSUE" of news hacks wallpapering their properties with her every blasted minute.
Posted
5:31 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:25 PM
by Gene
For that "one brief shining moment" we can believe Sen. Fatso Glub Glub was sincere. Make no mistake: as a public speaker he remains miles ahead of the competition, because of the Kennedy blood in his veins; but he has served long enough to know every trick in the book (which explains the talk of his considering retirement after he's dictated his memoirs because he doesn't want to be yoked to a walker and an IV on the Senate floor); he is too much the Kennedy to see beyond the past, and he is too much the cynic to believe there isn't a place in politics for demonizing. Make no mistake here too: after six months of President Oprah and all the loonies he'll place in every branch of government he may start complaining of demonizing on his own accord.
Posted
5:18 PM
by Gene
![]() We wonder if our beloved GUVNOR is lending his ideas to other nations, for the idea of a Titanic white elephant (based on the movie, we can be sure) is the ultimate expression of Rendellism, where industry is replaced by mass dishwashing, and bustle is replaced by museums, all in the name of the patented buncombe of the "tourist economy."
Posted
12:02 PM
by Gene
Still, there is no doubt that the Lampert luster has faded; comparisons to Mr. Buffett have quieted in recent months. “He did really well on Autozone,” said Bruce Greenwald, a professor of finance and economics at Columbia University. “Most of his stocks are retail stocks, and he has done really well with them. So he decided he was a genius at retail, and it didn’t occur to him he could be wrong about it. He believed his own press.” [Emphasis added; LAST TWO GRAFS OF A FOUR-PAGE STORY] Sunday, January 27, 2008
Posted
5:36 PM
by Gene
Sure we shouldn't have asked for some of our money back?
Posted
11:45 AM
by Gene
One may laugh -- I cringed -- but would Harry Truman have boogied? Or FDR? Or Lincoln? Or Washington? Or maybe their cabinet members, like Gen. Marshall? Or Henry Stimson? Or Edwin M. Stanton? I believe any of these men would have thrown David Gurgle out of a third-story window. But then we could easily have thrown the whole Davos contingent off the Dofourspitze and the world would have breathed much easier. Heck we don't think Jeff or Alexander Hamilton would have boogied either, for what that's worth.
Posted
10:48 AM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: NOT ME!!!!!
Posted
9:53 AM
by Gene
Do these clowns have to remind us of Oprah?
Posted
9:49 AM
by Gene
There are such creatures in Europe? We thought they were outlawed.
Posted
9:28 AM
by Gene
And Gov. Fruitandnut and Mayor Angry and their simpering cohorts do not have one atom of leadership to share.
Posted
9:24 AM
by Gene
You don't suppose this would be possible without the press agents up front, heh? Noooo.
Posted
9:14 AM
by Gene
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