THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
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Saturday, April 12, 2003
Guess which of the AXIS OF LOSERS helped Saddam gain intelligence.
Hint: it wasn't France. It wasn't Germany. It wasn't even Belgium. Guess.
Hint: it wasn't France. It wasn't Germany. It wasn't even Belgium. Guess.
What happened to the National Museum of Iraq is very sad, but to keep things in perspective (a word Howell hates: perspective), Saddam Hussein pillaged his people for over two decades.
Howell gets exercised over imported fluid-filled yo-yos.
Hey Howell, how many people have been injured by delivery people throwing the Sunday Times on their stoops?
Hey Howell, how many people have been injured by delivery people throwing the Sunday Times on their stoops?
Bill the Entomologist, suddenly emboldened, wants to go beyond the world of buggy software into -- BUGGY MUSIC! BWA HA HA HA HA!!!!!
Take THAT, Steve! You'll NEVER win against -- THE MASTER OF 82 UNIVERSES! BWA HA HA HA HA!!!!!
Take THAT, Steve! You'll NEVER win against -- THE MASTER OF 82 UNIVERSES! BWA HA HA HA HA!!!!!
Stupid pitcher who claims to have pitched a perfect game drunk, then dictated a literary masterpiece about it, offered to quit when excerpts came out.
Good idea. Why didn't you do it?
Good idea. Why didn't you do it?
It's NewsMax (sigh), but this story hints that something fraudulent could be brewing: The League of Nations may not recognize a new Iraqi government as a protest. Look for the JACQUEASSES to get behind the movement as a form of "leverage."
Which is more important to Jim Romenesko: Eason Jordan admitting CNN prostituted itself, or Stanford University shutting down the student paper?
You make the call.
You make the call.
Now that Apple got sauced by its shareholders because Steve Jobs wants to be a mogul, the company's whispered to Geraldine "Too Close for Comfort" Fabrikant not to take his talk "too seriously."
HUH?!?
HUH?!?
Oh, goody! A second ex-FBI-er has admitted to an affair with that Chinese double-agent.
Either the lady was Mata Hari or these were real incompetents.
Either the lady was Mata Hari or these were real incompetents.
Friday, April 11, 2003
Now that Tiger is provisionally out of it think we should watch the protests instead?
I am sorry to hear that Eva Narcissus Boyd, better known as "Little Eva," has died at 59. She was a one-hit wonder with quite a hit: "The Loco-Motion." Hardly Beethoven but it made a lot of people very, very happy. (Until Grand Funk Railroad ruined it.)
Good going, Dubya. Good going, Barbara.
Seventeen Purple Hearts. Our gratitude is vast and inexpressible.
Seventeen Purple Hearts. Our gratitude is vast and inexpressible.
"SUMMIT OF THE LOSERS!!"
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
JACQUEASSES.
HAS COMMON SENSE FINALLY COME TO McDONALD'S? The company, a charter member of the American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers, says it's moving ad dollars away from TV and onto the Web. This is a signal recognition that TV advertising is frequently counterproductive, that the more you advertise, the more the consumer thinks of what you advertise, and the sleaze and slime you finance stick to your firm, to the detriment of sales. And no company has been more damaged by its obsessive advertising than Mickey D's. This is potentially disastrous news for the networks, and good news for the rest of us. It's especially good news for us Web denizens; it'll keep our surfing free. You listening, Wall Street Journals?
Winter for Hitler and Viacom....
But of course! This guy said Bush=Hitler! That alone should have qualified him to produce it.
But of course! This guy said Bush=Hitler! That alone should have qualified him to produce it.
Well! Look at these numbers: The median news hack income is $43,600, meaning for all the low-paid drones LOTS of the hacks earn six digits; the average news hack's age is 41, with many "aging...baby boomers who entered journalism in the 1970s," which may explain QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!; "89.3 percent had at least a bachelor's degree," half from Ivy League schools (oops! that's not in there); and there are twice as many Dems in the biz as Reps, although the percentage of Dems has gone down, which merely means news hacks have learned to lie on surveys too.
I was for this war! Really! Honest! Don't pay attention to what my city council said! I LOVE THIS WAR! I LOVE DUBYA! I LOVE...er, um, uh....
ALL RIGHT ALREADY, you won your bloody lawsuit. But it's all downhill from here: Hubby needed a facelift, and you, madame, aren't getting any younger either. Enjoy the spoils while you can; the time will come when you'll have to pay people to place your mugs in magazines.
QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is one football news hacks intend to run for a hundred touchdowns, using a hundred trick plays.
You don't suppose newspaper sales have been down despite the war? So many of the stories (and the spins) you can write in your own head.
You don't suppose newspaper sales have been down despite the war? So many of the stories (and the spins) you can write in your own head.
Steve Jobs yearns to be a Sumner. I'm not surprised; first off, he's been on AOL Time Warner magazine's cover (you know what that does to the megalomania), and with the success of Pixar that Hollywood gold dust has gone to his head. Let's see him try to move records like computers -- in a business with declining sales. Maybe he can create a new format that'll play on five percent of CD players. And considering what they paid for the former PolyGram and MCA Records, at $6 billion Vivendi and JUNIOR are getting hosed.
Also, the PR guys at the Monitor are saying the "independent" record labels -- you know, the ones who produce albums like Music to Collect Belly-Button Lint By -- are having PHENOMENAL sales. But they're a fragment of the biz, and they don't give specifics, and when Billboard says sales are down, it doesn't rely on PR (although it used to), it has hard numbers from POS terminals. (Although in the music biz, POS has several meanings.)
UPDATE: Apple's shareholders are so pleased with Steve's nascent moguldom they drove the shares to a 52-week low!
Also, the PR guys at the Monitor are saying the "independent" record labels -- you know, the ones who produce albums like Music to Collect Belly-Button Lint By -- are having PHENOMENAL sales. But they're a fragment of the biz, and they don't give specifics, and when Billboard says sales are down, it doesn't rely on PR (although it used to), it has hard numbers from POS terminals. (Although in the music biz, POS has several meanings.)
UPDATE: Apple's shareholders are so pleased with Steve's nascent moguldom they drove the shares to a 52-week low!
Just what America needs -- Arab gangs.
Shake hands with Osama bin Laden.
Hmm, maybe his press ministry can do an admiring feature on them! (Brought to you by Pontiac® -- Excitement. And Jell-O® Brand Gelatins and Puddings.)
Shake hands with Osama bin Laden.
Hmm, maybe his press ministry can do an admiring feature on them! (Brought to you by Pontiac® -- Excitement. And Jell-O® Brand Gelatins and Puddings.)
Does anyone want to bet at least part of Saddam & Co. pops up in several weeks in a "government-in-exile?"
Who'd want them?
Of course: the French. JACQUEASS would give them a big parade down the Champs d'Elysee. Maybe they can set up their government in the Seine.
Who'd want them?
Of course: the French. JACQUEASS would give them a big parade down the Champs d'Elysee. Maybe they can set up their government in the Seine.
Thursday, April 10, 2003
Where's Saddam? Where's Tariq Aziz? Where's the Loudmouth?!?
Could it be CEOs are just as bad as news hacks with their "consensus"?
Considering their favorite activities are firing people, raising their own salaries and financing junk television, could be indeed.
Considering their favorite activities are firing people, raising their own salaries and financing junk television, could be indeed.
It's now clear: Saddam was Elvis of Arabia.
Shake the little tambourine!
Shake the little ring-jing-a-ling!
Shake the little tambourine!
Shake that tambourine! That tambourine!
Shake the little tambourine!
Shake the little ring-jing-a-ling!
Shake the little tambourine!
Shake that tambourine! That tambourine!
Count on a CONSERVATIVE to call the way we fought this war politically correct, but wasn't it morally, ethically, and legally correct too -- and politically RIGHT?
RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! has cause to exaggerate, but as I've said, being overtly political in Hollywood can COST.
Great news: The College Basketball for Dummies Championship drew its lowest ratings since The Viacom Network started airing it in '82.
It's all Greed City, man! Rrrrrr-in-a-soycle!!
(But the women's games went up. Oh well....)
It's all Greed City, man! Rrrrrr-in-a-soycle!!
(But the women's games went up. Oh well....)
Do young males need to see that many nearly naked girls?
Or read that many stupidly-written non-features calling them sex-driven dolts?
Or read that many stupidly-written non-features calling them sex-driven dolts?
Publicists? As VILLAINS?? What do movie makers know that the movie-ad-blurb copywriters don't?
Graydon! They're attacking YOU!!!!!
Graydon! They're attacking YOU!!!!!
Maybe it's just my jealousy, and it does go against the CW grain, but d'you think maybe making The Wall Street Journals available online to as few people as possible is one reason for your so-so profits?
Good idea. The Syrians rooted for Saddam. It's a haven for terrorists. Give them a slight lovetap that we won't tolerate their meddling.
Speaking of screaming meemies, remember all the morons who predicted $10,000-a-barrel oil? Now with the war over we're facing a supply glut! HA HA HA. Figures.
What the screaming meemies couldn't do, the weather did! NO MASTERS TODAY.
Andy S. is posting all sorts of asinine comments from The Usual Gang of Idiots predicting defeat, retreat, ruin, millions of casualties, etc., etc., ETC. Someone ought to start a permanent memorial of a Web site devoted to all these jerks who were so eager to dance at our slightest disaster, but revealed in their wrongness though they are, will never keep their mouths shut, suffering a self-delusion so pronounced it comes within two steps of institutionalization. We must be vigilant to these cranks for as long as they can do damage to us.
The Arab world has a mental collapse. Not everyone, to be sure, is depressed -- a few beacons of common sense beam in the mass-psychosis gloom. But again, "the street" backed a tyrant, and again, "the street" lost.
WHEN WILL YOU PEOPLE STOP BLAMING AMERICA FOR YOURSELVES?
WHEN WILL YOU PEOPLE STOP BLAMING AMERICA FOR YOURSELVES?
Now that Bush has won the -- oh, jeez, now that the Democrats have lost the -- gosh darnit -- NOW WE CAN TALK ABOUT THE ECONOMY AGAIN.
Good luck.
Good luck.
The Iraqis desperately need food and medicine. I know where to turn! The League of Nations pffh-hh-hh-hh-hh!
Can anyone imagine what Wal-Mart would be like if it couldn't do business in China? CHAPTER 11!!!!! Those morons must be running scared in Bentonville.
British Airways and Air France have ended their space shuttle. That technology is as rickety as ours. Why can't NASA do the same thing?
Wednesday, April 09, 2003
"We discovered that all what the (Iraqi) information minister was saying was all lies," said Ali Hassan, a government employee in Cairo, Egypt. "Now no one believes Al-Jazeera anymore."
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh wonderful! An FBI man "in charge of Chinese counter-intelligence" had an affair with a Chinese double-agent (who was, the story says, "a Republican party activist"). Republican, Democrat, just following Slick's example, that's all.
And the Communications Ministry burns, confirmation that Joe Goebbels was on the losing side too.
Kansas celebrates its loss in College Basketball for Dummies by firing the AD. Proof, Dickie V, that professional college sports ISN'T about "GLORY."
The retired Bernard Shaw says, "My impression from afar is that he [Peter Arnett] was trying to ingratiate himself with Iraqi officials."
Ingratiate? Prostitute.
Ingratiate? Prostitute.
BLOGGER CRASHES FOR AT LEAST TEN MINUTES! I HATE BLOGGER!!!!!!!!!!
In one of the most notorious statements ever made about broadcasting, the legendary David Sarnoff (David who?) likened TV's apparatus to plumbing. That HDTV isn't a full-blown success yet is testimony in no small part to the public's dubiousness at using a hot new technology to increase the flow of raw sewage into its homes. And the sales jump of the sets isn't that impressive; most of them are being used with DVD players.
If six- and seven-digit senior news hacks will sit on their hands during any speech, it's during Vice-President Inside's.
The burned-out carcass of the Iraqi Olympic Committee HQ, another symbol of Saddam's shame.
IT'S OFFICIAL: The first surrender statement by an Iraqi official -- but it came from the League of Nations ambassador, and was oblique as might be expected. Why not? He could be tried for war crimes too.
Another magnificent career change: from our public TV to their public TV. The only thing is, while they both hate America, PBS loves Lawrence a-Welk.
I was going to click on Joe Conason's column in The New York Observer, but I knew pretty well how it would read: "We didn't win! It's a CIA plot! It's an optical illusion! It was all done in a TV studio! Cheney and the oil business financed it! IT'S A FAKE!"
So I didn't click on.
So I didn't click on.
RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! will buy DirecTV from GM, proud sponsor of The Osama Channel. (I will not drop that.)
Hope the Rupe has trouble swallowing it.
Hope the Rupe has trouble swallowing it.
The world PC establishment will be back -- it hasn't gone away -- and is already preparing for the next prevarication, the next moral evasion, the next shirking of duty.
How to eliminate a ghetto? Change its name!
This from the same LALA City Council that spent hours debating why war in Iraq was EVIL.
This from the same LALA City Council that spent hours debating why war in Iraq was EVIL.
Tuesday, April 08, 2003
If, as Ty Burr says, art from before 1970 is totally kaput, why is someone expected to pay $4.6 million at auction for Beethoven's final revision of his Ninth Symphony?
And according to this story, Beethoven was so exercised in his revisions (as well he had to be) he wrote a note to a copyist reading (in German; Beethoven didn't write music in English), "You damned fool!" Do you suppose that copyist is in Ty Burr's bloodline?
And according to this story, Beethoven was so exercised in his revisions (as well he had to be) he wrote a note to a copyist reading (in German; Beethoven didn't write music in English), "You damned fool!" Do you suppose that copyist is in Ty Burr's bloodline?
What do BBC News and SARS have in common? They're spread by cockroaches.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
ALTRIA MOTIVE WINS! Nyaaaaaah-nyah-nyah-nyaaaaaah-nyaaaaaah!
But it still makes ciggies. AND SPONSORS THE OSAMA CHANNEL.
But it still makes ciggies. AND SPONSORS THE OSAMA CHANNEL.
A very stupid "Yemeni-American" (whatever that is) tells a court HE MET OSAMA, which the very stupid man stupidly thought would be like telling your grandkids you met Lincoln.
I don't think meeting Lincoln would put you behind bars.
I don't think meeting Lincoln would put you behind bars.
Odd, isn't it, that the embedded news hacks have actually come to like the soldiers.
Camaraderie beats class consciousness.
Camaraderie beats class consciousness.
We now call Saddam's regime "brain dead." But then it never had a heart in the first place.
The war is providing an echo chamber....
AND NEWS HACKS ARE YELLING SO LOUD YOU CAN'T HEAR YOURSELF THINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AND NEWS HACKS ARE YELLING SO LOUD YOU CAN'T HEAR YOURSELF THINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In another indication the Times has trouble making up its mind:
SARS Is Here to Stay, Hong Kong and Singapore Tell Citizens
Mystery Illness on Wane in City of Outbreak, Chinese Say
If this disease were political we'd definitely had made up our mind.
SARS Is Here to Stay, Hong Kong and Singapore Tell Citizens
Mystery Illness on Wane in City of Outbreak, Chinese Say
If this disease were political we'd definitely had made up our mind.
Almost an Entire Armored Brigade in City's Center, Pentagon Says
Hey Howell, is that "Pentagon Says" your way of saying WROOOOOOOONG?
Hey Howell, is that "Pentagon Says" your way of saying WROOOOOOOONG?
Hearst's Frisco Chron runs an ad calling for the impeachment of Dubya, and a spokespoop says, "A lot of people confuse us with the ad."
Hey spokespoop, y'ever heard of a Venn diagram? You news hacks are in one circle, the flaming antiwar fops are in another. The circles overlap.
Hey spokespoop, y'ever heard of a Venn diagram? You news hacks are in one circle, the flaming antiwar fops are in another. The circles overlap.
Here AOL wasted zillions on its new HQ building and it catches fire. Whooooooops.
Going to raise our rates, King Richard?
Going to raise our rates, King Richard?
From America's most flatulent magazine to America's most flatulent J-school. I'd say this career move was made in Heaven.
Awwwwwwwwwww, poor Rupert, Sumner, Michael, Richard, etc. etc., lost $77 million in the first week of the war. Awwwwwwwwwwwwww.
Shall we enlist the Salvation Army?
Shall we enlist the Salvation Army?
And while QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!! beckons, the LALA Times (of all papers) says we're expanding our control of Baghdad.
As the general says, just because they're getting orders doesn't mean they're following them.
QUAGMIRE RETURNS!!!!!
After all the partisan reporting about this war, all the hoping and praying for defeat and disaster, I will not believe one word of these hacks who scream QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!
After all the partisan reporting about this war, all the hoping and praying for defeat and disaster, I will not believe one word of these hacks who scream QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!
Your goose is cooked, Saddam! FRISCANS BACK THE WAR!
Too much truth can be hard to take, but in vast swaths of the world people seem not to want any truth at all -- especially when it's sponsored by GM and Altria MOtive Foods.
P. S. Very clear writing from a news hack:
Nugroho says the war is a question of a "personal" grudge between Bush and Saddam Hussein, who is not popular among Indonesians.
Who is not popular?
P. S. Very clear writing from a news hack:
Nugroho says the war is a question of a "personal" grudge between Bush and Saddam Hussein, who is not popular among Indonesians.
Who is not popular?
Public Seems to Tolerate War's Death Toll
Is 100 too high, Howell?
I thought all those Pulitzers would have calmed you down. Back to the doctor, Howell.
Is 100 too high, Howell?
I thought all those Pulitzers would have calmed you down. Back to the doctor, Howell.
Monday, April 07, 2003
And the Spanish Saddam is up to his old tricks again.
At least he gives his slaves great medical care.
At least he gives his slaves great medical care.
It seems Asians like throwing tantrums at America too. Of course, a lot of them are Muslims, and a potential market for Mecca Cola (ha ha).
Do you care who wins the Stanley Cup? No? Neither do many others. (Certainly not I, and I live in a town that was hockey-mad not all that long ago.) How telling that a third of the NHL's teams are for sale. You have to wonder if the NHL is the canary in the coal mine of sports, if its business failures presage troubles in other sports. One can hope so.
I'm not particularly unhappy to see the Supremes ban cross burning, but it was a 5-4 vote, and one wonders if this decision might pave the way for PC forms of censorship under a government imprimatur. I could see the fogies upholding college speech codes, for instance -- if they weren't always ruling by raising moistened fingers in the wind.
And in more news about what the press is really like, A North Carolina paper editor gambled with Der Boondocks. He lost.
Every year news hacks tell us how wonderful the Pulitzer-winning stories are (and by implication, how wonderful their industry is), so why is it the other 364 days of the year we're inundated with DROSS?
The Boston Globe did deserve its award for breaking that hellacious priest scandal. That's probably the most initiative a paper's shown in years. And at least the other prizes weren't embarrassing, although All-Thumbs Roger's sure not to stop boasting about how a movie-ad-blurb copywriter finally won an award in criticism after 37 years. May it be 37 years before the next one.
The Boston Globe did deserve its award for breaking that hellacious priest scandal. That's probably the most initiative a paper's shown in years. And at least the other prizes weren't embarrassing, although All-Thumbs Roger's sure not to stop boasting about how a movie-ad-blurb copywriter finally won an award in criticism after 37 years. May it be 37 years before the next one.
Heavens! A non-violent antiwar protest in Oakland turns violent.
We didn't think you heroes were capable of hurting A FLY.
Of course we can (and will) ALWAYS blame it on -- THE POLICE.
We didn't think you heroes were capable of hurting A FLY.
Of course we can (and will) ALWAYS blame it on -- THE POLICE.
YOU DON'T LIKE RUPERT BECAUSE HE'S (nominally) CONSERVATIVE.
WE DON'T LIKE YOUR PAPER BECAUSE YOU'RE LEFT-WING RUPERTS WITHOUT THE ATTITUDE.
WHY CAN'T YOU TWO LITTLE CRYBABIES GROW UP?????
WE DON'T LIKE YOUR PAPER BECAUSE YOU'RE LEFT-WING RUPERTS WITHOUT THE ATTITUDE.
WHY CAN'T YOU TWO LITTLE CRYBABIES GROW UP?????
Another ever-so-worldly-wise perfesser tells us what Philistines American news hacks are.
If only all news hacks could be like -- The BBC's.
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!
If only all news hacks could be like -- The BBC's.
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!
The patriotic GERALDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! of patriotic FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!News says, "Duh, I should have been more careful, duhhhhhhhh."
Just what postwar America needs: Hearst is planning a cable channel for sex-starved airheads.
The same pile of junk that not long ago celebrated the Marine's mother who opposed the war now can just barely bring itself (we know the disappointment; shucks, we'll have to seek solace in our stake in The WB) to report on the mass of Iraqis who brought down a sculpture of Saddam and cheered, "Saddam is no more!"
Sunday, April 06, 2003
What's the difference between an Arab and a Boston Red Sox fan?
The Arab wasn't cursed by the Bambino.
The Arab wasn't cursed by the Bambino.
This photo --
would go unnoticed except for this caption:
An Iraqi worker identified only as Mohammed, right, helping in the reconstruction of a road near the port of Umm Qasr, speaks to US Rear Admiral Charles Kubic April 6, 2003. The Navy Seabees have started working with locals in repairing roads, setting up playgrounds and helping in the distribution of potable water in an effort to return life to normal. Mohammed later spoke with journalists and told them 'Tell (German Chancellor Gerhard) Schroeder and (French President Jacques) Chirac that if they lived for just one day under Saddam they would have asked the whole world to come and liberate us.' (AP Photo/Roberto Schmidt)
You bozos really expect to pass this resolution in a wartime Republican Congress? HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!
I'm surprised to see Mr. Dicks's name on the list. I thought he had slight common sense. Must've been very slight.
I'm surprised to see Mr. Dicks's name on the list. I thought he had slight common sense. Must've been very slight.
This story shows why Dickie V is full of it when talking of the greater glory of the game. The professional college athlete knows better. You can't buy groceries with glory.
No less than the German president, French prime minister and Belgian foreign minister have joined religious leaders in expressing concern about Bush's beliefs and the place of religion in U.S. politics.
Let's see: the Germans gave us Karl Marx, paid for the train that sent Lenin to Russia, created Nazidom and the Holocaust; France perfected the scapegoating of Jews, collaborated with the Germans in WWII and invented payoffs for terrorists; and Belgium got raped by the Germans in WWII and fell in love. Yes, I believe these three nations are in the perfect position to correct our errors.
Let's see: the Germans gave us Karl Marx, paid for the train that sent Lenin to Russia, created Nazidom and the Holocaust; France perfected the scapegoating of Jews, collaborated with the Germans in WWII and invented payoffs for terrorists; and Belgium got raped by the Germans in WWII and fell in love. Yes, I believe these three nations are in the perfect position to correct our errors.
The many idiots -- I mean, news hacks who've been saying The Osama Channel is just an Arab CNN with an attitude must confront this headline:
US troops suffer heavy losses in Baghdad fighting
We're up against raw naked PR for terrorists and tyrants, beamed all over the Muslim world -- and sponsored by the government of CATARRH and the godforsaken cretins of GM and Altria MOtive Foods.
US troops suffer heavy losses in Baghdad fighting
We're up against raw naked PR for terrorists and tyrants, beamed all over the Muslim world -- and sponsored by the government of CATARRH and the godforsaken cretins of GM and Altria MOtive Foods.
An AOL house ad:
If this is the best Hollywood can do, I'd hate to imagine the worst. YEEEEEEEEEEECH!!!!!
And this jerk thinks he can play Sky Masterson? In better times he'd be lucky to play one of the sewer rats for his crap games.
If this is the best Hollywood can do, I'd hate to imagine the worst. YEEEEEEEEEEECH!!!!!
And this jerk thinks he can play Sky Masterson? In better times he'd be lucky to play one of the sewer rats for his crap games.
In the upside-down, inside-out, public-be-damned world of Newsweak, "art" trumps crime.
And how forgiving are we? We like him, we really like him! And he refused our request for an interview. Good guy!
And how forgiving are we? We like him, we really like him! And he refused our request for an interview. Good guy!
Did you have trouble getting up at seven -- eight in the morning?
Well, zees prrotestors arre doink zee rright think, thees war ees terreeble, eet ees owful, eet ees unjustified, zees cowboys are rrrunning all over EEraq, and zee Joos, zey are behind eet, zey are to blame -- BUT VEE CAHNOT JUSTEEFY ZEES VIOLENCE!
How many viewers did as I did for last night's NPCAA College Basketball for Dummies foursome: tune in, see the makings of a blowout, tune out, then tune back in only sporadically to see if it's still a blowout?
I think lots of companies are wasting lots of money on sports.
I think lots of companies are wasting lots of money on sports.
Benetton, the ultra-PC clothing firm, wanted to put chips on its clothes, decided against it after complaints, but reserves the right to.
Now's the time for another one of those "edgy" campaigns -- with everyone dressed like an anti-shoplifting tag.
Let us not forget the firm's headquartered in Italy, home to some very vociferous Bush=Hitler tantrums.
Now's the time for another one of those "edgy" campaigns -- with everyone dressed like an anti-shoplifting tag.
Let us not forget the firm's headquartered in Italy, home to some very vociferous Bush=Hitler tantrums.