Posted 9:08 PM by Gene

The other day we meant to post a contrast between that overrated unfunny zillionaire doughnut eater and John Madden. This article says Madden earns $2.5 million a year from his video game, which if correct is reasonable, if anything, low. Jealous though we are of so many public figures for making money out of nothing we admire Madden as he and his EA team have delivered the goods for over two decades, and though we've never played his version of football we'd bet these days it's far more involving than the real thing. The one solace is though his announcing days are long over his game will long survive him.

P. S. at 12/12/2010 at 10:40 a. m. I know -- hasn't the zillionaire doughnut eater delivered the goods for over twenty years? To which we say: 1. Those goods have been shopworn for at least fifteen, by some accounts; 2. He has lots of little helpers in Korea, whose work is also evidently getting worse; 3. John Madden has never implied his creation can save the world; and 4. All those jokes about HIS BOSS point to a line from THE MASTER: "Censure is willingly indulged, because it always implies some superiority: men please themselves with imagining that they have made a deeper search, or wider survey than others, and detected faults and follies which escape vulgar observation."

On that last point we do not exempt ourselves from this stern judgment, and our only defense is we are not zillionaires.

Posted 7:52 PM by Gene

Does anyone here remember Sugar Babies? You know, the dead man's burlesque revue where Ann Miller had to show off her legs and Mickey Rooney had to show off his bad jokes? I have the cast album which Amazon.com sells new at $172.75 but which Varèse Sarabande (Vivendi, rather) has seen fit to reissue in the UK so now it's worth closer to its true value of zero. Back in 1980 after an embarrassing caterwauling public appearance mourning JFK's death (it was November 22) Leonard Bernstein said the success of that show and Grease was a sign of national decadence. We just heard part of a badly transferred soundboard recording from the 1988 London production and will not argue the point. While we refer musical-comedy buffs to track 20 of the album (which has neither music nor comedy) we would quote this wonderful bit from the soundboard: A twenty-something beauty (we presume) with a distinct Cockney accent enters a (male) doctor's office:

Patient: Good morning, doctor!

Doctor (sounding quite American, as if he was): Good morning, Miss Drummond! What can I do for you?

Patient: I would like a thorah (sic) physical examination.

Doctor: Of course! Please take off all your clothes.

Patient: (GASP!) DOC-tor! I can't possibly get undressed in front of you! I'm too shy!

Doctor: Well I quite understand. I'll tell you what we'll do: I'll turn the light out. You take off all your clothes and tell me when you're ready.

Patient: Ah, that's very thoughtful, doctor. (LOUD wood block to indicate the light out.) I suppose you think I'm being very silly!

Doctor: Oh, not at all! I admire modesty in a woman!

Patient: Well, I've taken off all my clothes, doctor! Where should I put them?

Doctor: Right over here -- on top of mine.

(The orchestra blats to LOUD guffawing from the mostly middle-aged and uncritical audience.)

Sorry to be humorless but if audiences had no discernment thirty years ago why should they have more discernment now?

Posted 7:08 PM by Gene

This "purge" would not have been necessary had the purged stood for more than what "compromise" stands for, once the axle grease of democracy, now just the loud ugly squealing of caving.

And it cuts both ways; we would have more respect for His Incompetence if he hadn't shown his inner Republican to save his hide.

Posted 6:38 PM by Gene

We are not surprised. First, the "Christian" movie: Hollywood should NOT make movies for Christians. Setting aside that this is like Russians making the Chinese a movie in Greek, Christians are precisely what your hard-core movie self-flagellants are not: skeptical. The gospel teaches them cultural separatism, a belief that can at its worst can inspire the megalomania of I---mists but at its best provides guidance and reassurance in an awful world. Moreover they teach us that all have sinned and come short of the glory of God, an injunction void in show-biz. An enemy culture condescending to people who detest movies for good reason foreordains box-office disaster.

Now for the second. In the Panglossian world of movie accounting this was a B.O. smash. We've tried, we've mightily TRIED to discern Lydia, the Tattooed Lady; more than most of today's female ac-TORS she has the nominal mark of feminine beauty without its attraction. As for Johnny DEPP!!!!!!!!!!, though we assume from the cri-TICS he is a brilliant ac-TOR from his looks he should star in biker programmers. Moreover both somehow strike us as total bores, however exotic their publicity. Putting them together was like rubbing two sticks in the Mariana Trench. PAUL DRECK will gas tomorrow this proves stars don't work. Sorry, stars can work, but not when they look like Lydia and Johnny.

Posted 10:30 AM by Gene

The whole sickening catastrophe of the Madoffs is beyond words, and we can feel a kind of compassion for Bernie's son, who whatever his culpability was but another victim of his father's evil.

(Rewritten 12/13/2010; I did not like the tone)

Posted 10:27 AM by Gene

The public can see what's wrong with education -- now when will the public do something about it?

Posted 6:02 PM by Gene

What's the difference between 14 cents and 31 cents?

When we get back to 31 we'll be at DOW UMPTEEN HEXAQUADRAHYPERZILLION!!!!!

Immelt is scheduled to deliver his annual outlook to investors Tuesday from the "Saturday Night Live" stage in New York's Rockefeller Center.

NUF SAID.

P. S. ONLY $40.78 TO GO! (Before inflation.)

Posted 5:53 PM by Gene

THE GUARDIAN...PRESENTS: Look did we need your hero to tell us the Vatican is -- out of it? It was out of it even before it declared that zillionaire doughnut eater's creation Catholic.

The only thing the GUARD's daily ta-DAAAAAAAA! is missing is Max Steiner's fanfare.

Posted 3:41 PM by Gene

We would not expect a future studio PR vice-president to see a connection between this and this. (Or rather THIS.) JACK'S TOXIC ALPHABET SOUP is a BIG reason the movies stink -- but say that and Dorothys come up with the whole nine yards of what they deem withering insults for those daring to suggest it, like PRUDE and CHRISTIAN. This business has reasons enough it can't come out of its profound funk, but so long as the connection between JACK and QUALITY is taboo for discussion it will NEVER come out of it.

Posted 3:39 PM by Gene

Good Lord! National Review's editor is concerned about...INEQUALITY?

I think conservatives need to spend more time thinking about all of this, and what our solutions–if any–are to it.

But they have thought of it -- and they DO have solutions: TRICKLE-DOWN and DOW 500 HEXAQUINTAZILLION!!!!!

That "if any" shows con-SER-va-tives are just as bereft of thinking as liberals.

Posted 1:31 PM by Gene

HHHHHHHHHH, NOW Chuck discovers "another near-$1 trillion hole in the budget"!

Some Republicans are crowing that Stimulus II is the Republican way - mostly tax cuts - rather than the Democrats' spending orgy of Stimulus I. That's consolation?

YES -- because CUTTING TAXES is ALWAYS better than SPENDING!

BOTH PARTIES STAND FOR INCOME REDISTRIBUTION!

Posted 2:33 PM by Gene

AMERICA'S LEADING NEWS SOURCE has a new logo!

Posted 10:22 AM by Gene

"Oh, there's nothing, I'm not going to run for president period, end-of-story," replied Bloomberg.

SEMI-COLON!

Posted 9:38 AM by Gene

Okay Chuck, you'll live forever. Now get that seven-digit lobbying job and GET LOST.

Posted 9:22 AM by Gene

But this campaign has taken a toll on China's efforts to win foreign friends by projecting a more mild image of the country through foreign aid, investment, media and educational exchanges.

Which the world will soon forget when it needs clothes and toys.

Posted 9:05 AM by Gene

The Web excels at background noise. That's why it's the friend of tyrants and conspiracy theorists; there's no filtering the truth from the noise. Yahoo!!!!! or somebody was in an exceptionally happy mood today adding to the noise by running one of Its cables saying AMERICAN SHOW-BIZ MAKES SAUDIS LOVE US!!!!!!!!!! So we tried Googling the topic and found so many references to the story we couldn't find the pre-story truth. We did find this Wiki entry on MBC but it sounds as though it came from Whorvis Communications. (It also suggests the Saudi royal family owns the enterprise, which may hint at its real raison d'etre -- to pacify the locals.) We suspect because our ambassadors tend to hang out with high-end people they may not know the full truth of their local situations, however knowledgeable they are otherwise. And all our wonderful show-biz does not seem to have stopped the committed from blowing themselves up.

One other thing -- if we're to judge from the crusading truth telling Guardian's site hardly anybody seems to have noticed most of Its cables seem to come from 2008 and 2009. This is an eternity in international affairs; and this may help explain why most of these missives have come across as little more than curiosities, whatever their capacity to DESTROY OUR NATIONAL SECURITY!!!!!

Posted 8:58 AM by Gene

And so, one of His Incompetence's flagship campaign pledges comes to an ignominious end.

Posted 7:20 PM by Gene

Hope is not a policy.

Which our foreign policy precisely is.

Posted 7:00 PM by Gene

I doubt if Whole Foods sells UNCLE BEN'S but it sure has benefited from His zillionaireophilia!

Posted 6:44 PM by Gene

Speaking of stunts, the WHINER BROTHERS' has come to a predictable happy ending, and Mogul's Friend is about to pat his back again, but that botulism-laden alphabet soup is still out there, and someday someone will finally get up the guts to throw it down the toilet.

Posted 6:39 PM by Gene

Is it too much to expect publicity-mad hacks to pay more attention to stories that affect ordinary people? One reason the hacks can't identify with us peons is that so many lead charmed lives -- six-figure salaries, expense accounts, free seats at ball games and concerts, friendships with the rich and powerful, the sort of thing that makes them our superiors and largely irrelevant to us, and us to them. We do not expect the hacks to do more for us because they are too much in love with their world to ever part with it, and because doing a public service has become for them a demotion.

This should also remind us that the hacks ignore too much that is news, and report too much that isn't.

As for the story proper, what is big business too often but a for-profit version of dysfunctional government?

Posted 6:31 PM by Gene

This smacks of an ultimately ineffectual tantrum:

Earlier this morning, a "voluntary botnet" of about 1,700 computers involved in the attack against MasterCard, Correll said. The group's member base appears to be growing, with about 2,200 participants present in an Anonymous chat room earlier today, more than double the 1,000 or so involved yesterday, Correll said. In some cases, in addition to the DDoS attacks, the group has resorted to Black Fax-ing, a practice in which a black sheet of paper is repeatedly sent to a fax recipient in order to deplete the machine's toner cartridge.

But this doesn't:

Meanwhile, Anonymous' own Web site, anonops.net, has been hit with massive counter-DDOS attacks and has been down intermittently the past few days, he added. Anonops.net is hosted by a Russian ISP.

We'd like to think this is another of the outwardly brilliant flashes of heatless light that marks our preposterous age except for our dull fear that someday enough of these tantrum throwers can get the mass to screw up the world. We hope not.

And who like me is getting perfectly tired of this stunt, a perfect mix of megalomania and self-righteousness?

Posted 6:27 PM by Gene

The Bush Tax Cuts Never Went Far Enough

For God's sake no tax cuts can ever go far enough for con-SER-va-tives, because no one has yet proposed that dream of con-SER-va-tive dreams: getting the hyperrich to pay ZERO.

(Via the usual NRO)

Posted 6:22 PM by Gene

We can safely say SLIME is running His empire flying blind.

Has Carl Icahn ever thought of battling this pile of assets?

Posted 8:28 AM by Gene

[A] partner at a leading talent agency said he was taken aback at a recent studio briefing by a line-up that included a third appearance by Martin Lawrence in his “Big Momma” latex suit, a second “Diary of a Wimpy Kid,” a fourth “X-Men” installment, a third “Alvin and the Chipmunks” movie, a seventh “Planet of the Apes” film and yet another “Die Hard.”

All that, and a fourth “Ice Age” and a seventh “Alien” installment are also coming down the pike.

TheWrap interviewed more than a dozen producers and executives, and because of the sensitivity of the subject, none agreed to speak on the record.

You SHOULD be ashamed.

Posted 8:17 PM by Gene

And in more lack of cultural ghostbusting:

"The Fighter" played extremely well by most reports, and every member I spoke to who saw it immediately declared it a likely Best Picture nominee and Christian Bale a sure Supporting Actor contender. But the crowd was reportedly very sparse, with perhaps as few as 200 people in the 1,000-seat Goldwyn. ("127 Hours" had a similarly small turnout a few weeks earlier. [SIC]

Pete Hammond said that one of his "spies" reported "virtually no applause at the end," although one member I spoke to attributed that to the fact that movie ends with loud music (muffling the applause from a sparse crowd)....

Well, noise might deter applause -- but so could the movie.

Posted 8:01 PM by Gene

"Peanuts" was fated to be tremendous but one reason we use words like "icon" for A Charlie Brown Christmas is that it plays in a cultural ghost town, and the ghosts won't leave because no one can chase them away.

And it is slightly depressing that Charles Schulz, who died eleven years ago in February, commands more attention even now than the whole present cadre of comic-strip authors combined, confirming our national ectoplasm.

Posted 7:51 PM by Gene

U.S. stocks erased gains in the final hour of trading, pulling the Standard & Poor’s 500 Index down from a two-year high, after a probe of insider trading reportedly widened and President Barack Obama said he’ll push to overhaul the tax code in two years.

Awwwwww SHUCKS, I guess sometimes it's not so much fun daydreaming of hyperriches.

Posted 5:11 PM by Gene

Mrs. Edwards went through enough for ten women. Mr. Edwards would have gone through twenty women. We pray she is fully at peace, something many may not be ever able to do for Mr.

Posted 2:05 PM by Gene

New York Mets Owners Sued for Bernard Madoff Profits by Trustee

ZELIG could tell 'em what to do: plead poverty. Pfffffffffffffffffft!!!!!

Posted 1:30 PM by Gene

Hey Newt! Think of all the wonderful novels you could write -- and sell!

Alas it's since been deleted. Well, it's still worth a try! Maybe you could co-write a book with the Gold Bug or SARAH!

Posted 11:35 AM by Gene

Hey Crainiacs, couldn't you have said it in fewer, less "aggravating" words?

(That is, less "aggravating" than the ones you always use.)

Posted 10:13 AM by Gene

The deal “suggests more positive outlook for economic growth, corporate profits [and] employment!!!!!” said John Silvia, chief economist at Wells Fargo, in a note to clients.

DANCIN'! DANCIN'!

“When the deal does get signed into law, it will FORCE us to boost our [gross domestic product] estimates for 2011!!!!!” added economists at Bank of America Merrill Lynch.

ALL THE RICH FOLKS ARE DANCIN'! DANCIN'! [Dancin' overemphasis added]

Posted 10:10 AM by Gene

Senator: Why Fed aid to foreign automakers?

Why not? We're game for all comers!

Caveat: Sen. COMMIE Sanders.

Posted 9:24 AM by Gene

A small but noisy percentage of computer owners consist of people who aren't content to pick a computing platform and leave it at that. Instead, they question the IQ and/or taste of anyone who makes a buying decision different from their own. Hence the classic stereotypes: the Windows user as a clueless sucker for punishment, and the Mac fan as a spendthrift fetishist.

Unfortunately the stereotypes may have a basis in truth, as in:

According to market research firm NPD, 79% of all computers sold at retail (Walmart excluded) in October ran Windows. Among those that sold for $1,000 and above, however, 88% were Macs.

Definitely.

Posted 9:06 AM by Gene

Russert: I know people say I only have my job because of dad [Romy link]

Yes but you deserve it because He was such a SAINT.

Posted 9:03 AM by Gene

Needless to say the GEKKO KUDLOWS are happy. They don't care where the largess comes from so long as they get THEIRS. Why is so much of GUVMENT tending to the care and feeding of the hyperrich?

Posted 8:46 AM by Gene

If HISTORY'S GREATEST NETWORK is so beloved why is the moron MR. BEW-KES waving his arms and yelling of a la carte?

(First link via MediaBistro)

Posted 8:41 AM by Gene

Russia, Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, Serbia, Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran, Venezuela, Kazakhstan, Colombia, Tunisia, Vietnam, the Philippines, Egypt, Sudan, Ukraine, Cuba, and Morocco....

1. A roll call of dishonor. 2. A roll call of the nations most likely to tell us how to do things. 3. Maybe the time has come to pull our forces out of Afghanistan if they're going to take such an attitude. 4. The Philippines seem to have forgotten who used to run their show. 5. Kazakhstan? Isn't that the country Sacha Baron Whatshisname came from? 6. His Incompetence and HER INCOMPETENCE don't care either way.

Posted 8:32 AM by Gene

Now that con-SER-va-tives have helped their BEST BUDDIES, we rather hope the liberals throw a tantrum and get this mess unapproved; they'd be standing up for principle without principle, which at least goes His Incompetence one better; he appears to be standing for no principle without principle.

Posted 8:26 AM by Gene

We would not be surprised if the authorities keep it in custody using these rape allegations as an excuse. Doing that will only make it into a martyr. If someone's going to prosecute it that someone had better have a very good case.

Posted 2:04 PM by Gene

Which might be easier to learn: English to the Chinese or Chinese to Americans?

No wonder we have a problem.

Posted 2:01 PM by Gene

Media Moguls to Address Wall Street One More Time Before the Holidays

And from one side of their mouths yell, "MERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRY CHRIS...HOLIDAYS (respecting the sensibilities of their SUGAR DADDIES), and from the other side yell to the people, "BAH! HUMBUG!"

(Via I Want Media)

Posted 1:59 PM by Gene

HENRY HONEST!!!!! has AN EPIPHANY:

What Happens When Democrats And Republicans Compromise: More Spending

Posted 1:58 PM by Gene

A stronger Iran returns to nuclear talks in Geneva

Has NUKEMAN ever been weak?

Posted 1:54 PM by Gene

An apt juxtaposition from ROMY:

Posted 9:45 PM by Gene

TV IS BETTER THAN EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -- and if we have to consign the past to the dung heap, well that's just TOO BAD.

WHY MUST NEWSPAPERS RUN TV AD-BLURBISTS?

(Via the annoying AHTSJournal)

Posted 9:40 PM by Gene

Bernanke on '60 Minutes': Grim outlook for jobs

DOW 200 HEXAGIGA...never mind.

BERNANKE: Growing Inequality Is Destroying America

And it's so TERRIBLE, so AWFUL, I have no choice but to FINANCE HUNDREDS MORE WALL STREET BILLIONAIRES to solve it!

Posted 9:25 PM by Gene

If it's Sunday it must be Big Double-A-Scribble Time:

1. With Traffic Jam in Super Bowl, Can Any Auto Brand Really Win?

Of course not -- but since these CEO cretins finance the Bowl ONLY to impress the equal cretins at USAOKAY!!!!! and to forever let it be known that I WAS AT THE SUPER BOWL AND YOU WEREN'T!!!!!, why should they worry?

Since so many car ads look the same, the chance of their being recalled by consumers is low.

So what will the idiots do? They'll all act like FLASHERS -- and the recall will be LOWER STILL.

HERE is an argument for a LOCKOUT.

2. An AdAgeist writes a BOOK:

[A]n explosion of creative opportunities doesn't mean copywriters can escape the scourge that has faced writers from the dawn of written expression: the blank page.

Thankfully the great achievement of copywriters is when they FILL IT in six seconds -- and then it becomes OUR scourge.

3. Mattel Films has FINALLY come up with a franchise hit -- even if it looks like BRATZ. So we'll make big money with a copy of a copy of a copy. That's how you make it in the moVEE biz.

There has been some grumbling on the blogs that Mattel may have stoked the scarcity by under-producing.

Let's see them complain when we make the SEQUEL!

Posted 2:58 PM by Gene

Okay, Mitch, how do you intend to pay for all this happiness?

The way you Republicans did before, no doubt -- you won't.

Posted 2:21 PM by Gene

It is not too early to remember the men who died at Pearl Harbor, or the shrinking contingent amongst the living.

Nor will it ever be too late.

Posted 2:15 PM by Gene

Which word gives us an excuse to post our Cute and Fuzzy Animal of the Day Picture.

Posted 2:10 PM by Gene

Two years ago our BIGMEDIA superiors coronated His Incompetence because foreign policy was irrelevant. Now they're complaining about our incompetence in foreign policy. They should not be allowed to weasel out of their self-inflicted conundrum that easily.

Posted 2:09 PM by Gene

Those who insist MARY JANE is basically harmless will have to explain this one.

Posted 1:27 PM by Gene

If the Chinese want to bankrupt themselves with ugly skyscrapers that will never be fully occupied, that's fine with us.