THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
Blogroll Me!
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Saturday, March 29, 2008
GREENSBURG, Pa. — Sen. Barack Obama said Friday he would return the country to the more "traditional" foreign policy efforts of past presidents such as George H.W. Bush, John F. Kennedy and Ronald Reagan.
The Messiah's running for president!
Is that first name really so reassuring?
The Messiah's running for president!
Is that first name really so reassuring?
JonBoy does it again -- on America's Most Tone-Deaf Newsweekly's Web site:
One King. Six Wives. Many, Many Beds.
If you like family dramas, 'The Tudors' is the best-dressed--and undressed--place on television.
Teacher Sex Scandals Alarm Fla. (In smaller type below the lightbox)
Sorry Jonny -- you may think we don't notice, you may hope we don't notice. WE NOTICE.
A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO JOSHUA!!!!!
One King. Six Wives. Many, Many Beds.
If you like family dramas, 'The Tudors' is the best-dressed--and undressed--place on television.
Teacher Sex Scandals Alarm Fla. (In smaller type below the lightbox)
Sorry Jonny -- you may think we don't notice, you may hope we don't notice. WE NOTICE.
A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO JOSHUA!!!!!
Evidently the hacks have come up with a new excuse for The Messiah's Pastor by insisting he's been quoted out of context, and providing the "context." All the context says is that Jeremiah's one angry pastor, and can come up with a million ways to be angry, and not one to be happy. Yes America has done wrong, and so have other nations, but in the Messiah's Pastor's universe America (not forgetting her partner in colonialism England) is the only nation to have done wrong, and thus virtually alone deserves the wrath of an angry God. In the end, then, The Messiah's Pastor is not quoted out of context.
The first thought is to dismiss these two folks as flat-earth conspiracy-theorizing cranks, but their lawsuit points to something uncomfortable: the Bunsen Honeydews still believe in the back of their superbrains in Progress as the Most Important Product, in Better Living Through Chemistry, and all that jazz, and they refuse somehow to see some of the wonders their superbrains have unleashed, from the a-bomb to Love Canal. Indeed before the Manhattan Project's first experimental explosion the Bunsens figured there was a slight -- now, to be sure, below the absolute lowest level of possibility, but still slight -- chance their kaboom could create an uncontrolled chain reaction that would blow the whole universe to smithereens, and while we realize the chance of these Bunsens creating an earth-gobbling black hole is slight, very slight, extremely slight, their wonders have put the fear of God into our heads, and we can only hope His invisible hand keeps everything right.
“What an exciting night. Joan Rivers. Thanks xoxo”
Why not sell it on eBay? Or donate it to the Smithsonian? At least the former might do someone some good. As to the latter, we don't want to guess how many pieces of junk The World's Greatest Attic holds, but what is one more? Certainly it holds a lot of "historical" remnants that mean nothing to anyone. And as The Great Accidental Musical, The Masterpiece the Paper of Re-CORD Made, closes down for the last time ever (until someone makes the mistake of reviving it, and a Paper of Re-CORD ad-blurbist showily admits it's an overrated relic), we can be sure it will never again mean anything to anyone, and all those star-studded scribbles will never occasion more than a puzzled stare -- or total indifference.
Why not sell it on eBay? Or donate it to the Smithsonian? At least the former might do someone some good. As to the latter, we don't want to guess how many pieces of junk The World's Greatest Attic holds, but what is one more? Certainly it holds a lot of "historical" remnants that mean nothing to anyone. And as The Great Accidental Musical, The Masterpiece the Paper of Re-CORD Made, closes down for the last time ever (until someone makes the mistake of reviving it, and a Paper of Re-CORD ad-blurbist showily admits it's an overrated relic), we can be sure it will never again mean anything to anyone, and all those star-studded scribbles will never occasion more than a puzzled stare -- or total indifference.
Friday, March 28, 2008
From the inimitable ROMY:
New York Times | Washington Post
"The channel that's on now -- while excellent, and I plan to be a lifetime viewer -- is not the channel that I signed up to do," says Dave Marash. The former ABC "Nightline" correspondent, who was Al Jazeera's Washington-based anchor for two years, says he sensed an anti-American sensibility creeping into the network's coverage. || Earlier: Marash promises Al Jazeera English won't be al-Jazeera.
New York Times | Washington Post
"The channel that's on now -- while excellent, and I plan to be a lifetime viewer -- is not the channel that I signed up to do," says Dave Marash. The former ABC "Nightline" correspondent, who was Al Jazeera's Washington-based anchor for two years, says he sensed an anti-American sensibility creeping into the network's coverage. || Earlier: Marash promises Al Jazeera English won't be al-Jazeera.
Posted at 7:42:28 AM
Amazing how millionaire news hacks are always among the first to be born yesterday.
Amazing how millionaire news hacks are always among the first to be born yesterday.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
The March 19-22 survey of 1,503 American adults found that despite the flap, Illinois Sen. Obama had maintained a 49 percent to 39 percent advantage over New York Sen. Hillary Clinton in the race for the Democratic presidential nomination.
While he seemed to have weathered the storm so far, the poll said most voters aware of the sermons were offended by them.
What does this MEAN, o rare Pe-EW?
While he seemed to have weathered the storm so far, the poll said most voters aware of the sermons were offended by them.
What does this MEAN, o rare Pe-EW?
TRANSLATION: TJX Cos. avoids punishment for letting criminals ransack its customers' credit cards.
How interesting, too: One of the parties that settled is Reed Elsevier, which just got out of the PR -- NEWS biz.
How interesting, too: One of the parties that settled is Reed Elsevier, which just got out of the PR -- NEWS biz.
Chronicle.com's last two posts are -- instructive: Hahvahd Mutual Fund has just chosen a new chief investment banker (Ka-CHING!!!!!); and Notre Dame is about to get its mitts on zillions to research eeny-weeny-teeny-tiny -- you know, "NANOelectronics" that can eat up the world. I am IMPRESSED with HYER EHDYUKAYSHUN.
I guess this plug is what CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) means when he talks of expanding his SHOW-BIZ ADVER...REPORTING.
ANOTHER NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO "NON" GERMAIN!
ANOTHER NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO "NON" GERMAIN!
AP NEWS ALERT!!!!!
WASHINGTON (AP) -- The Federal Reserve has said big investment firms averaged $32.9 billion in daily borrowing over the past week from the Fed's new emergency lending facility.
SOCIALISM WORKS!
WASHINGTON (AP) -- The Federal Reserve has said big investment firms averaged $32.9 billion in daily borrowing over the past week from the Fed's new emergency lending facility.
SOCIALISM WORKS!
When the story underlying this disaster broke we confess we were willing to believe it; [C]RAPPERS are thugs in slant rhyme. Still that this rag was able to cobble something together on this 'n' that proves the haste with which too many news stories can be written. It also proves the undying strength of NO SNITCHIN'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
While looking for DVD-review sites and finding too many of their authors can't stand older movies and overrate new ones, I discovered another of those famous Wikipedia articles that is longer than many of its biographies of presidents; a "[l]ist of films considered the worst." Even those who don't read carefully will note, except for the B-pictures of the 1950s that inspire most of today's masterworks, ALL BUT ONE of the items listed are from the VALENTI Era and beyond. Which raises a question: if MOVIES ARE!!!!! BETTER THAN EVER!!!!!, why are most of the skunks of recent vintage?
P. S. The ad-blurbists will point to this possible defense:
Rotten Tomatoes only has comprehensive coverage for recent movies....
Meaning yesterday's turkeys may be overlooked. And surely there were many bad pictures in the golden age -- how could there not be with "studios" like Republic and Monogram? But these days it's almost a competition to see who can make the worst possible picture, and there are too many winners.
P. S. The ad-blurbists will point to this possible defense:
Rotten Tomatoes only has comprehensive coverage for recent movies....
Meaning yesterday's turkeys may be overlooked. And surely there were many bad pictures in the golden age -- how could there not be with "studios" like Republic and Monogram? But these days it's almost a competition to see who can make the worst possible picture, and there are too many winners.
US: Saddam Paid for Lawmakers' Iraq Trip
And one of them wouldn't be DR. WIRETAP, would it? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
And one of them wouldn't be DR. WIRETAP, would it? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Robin Williams, Wife Are Divorcing
We will not speak now and will forever hold our peace, though the temptation be unrelenting.
We will not speak now and will forever hold our peace, though the temptation be unrelenting.
Another Web Miracle for the Professor and B. S. DEFENDER to extol:
Police hunt man who made boys fight on YouTube
Police hunt man who made boys fight on YouTube
Obama warns against being distracted every time someone 'says something stupid'
Does that include Your preacher man? Of course not!
Does that include Your preacher man? Of course not!
We are surprised hardly anyone outside AdAge has noticed one of Ronald Reagan's voice boxes, Hal Riney, has died:
During his career of almost 50 years, Mr. Riney developed advertising around the notion that understatement sold better than overstatement, and any conclusions about a product were better left to the audience. He also pushed against advertising that was intrusive or insulting, and he wasn't ashamed of ads that made people laugh or cry.
And given the recent history of MadAve we'd say, alas, he has virtually no influence today.
During his career of almost 50 years, Mr. Riney developed advertising around the notion that understatement sold better than overstatement, and any conclusions about a product were better left to the audience. He also pushed against advertising that was intrusive or insulting, and he wasn't ashamed of ads that made people laugh or cry.
And given the recent history of MadAve we'd say, alas, he has virtually no influence today.
Alleged Passover masscare plotter arrested
Which, if we know MILITANTS, will cause another justifiable mass homicide, and lots of chicken "leaders" to look the other way.
Which, if we know MILITANTS, will cause another justifiable mass homicide, and lots of chicken "leaders" to look the other way.
AP NEWS ALERT!!!!!
WASHINGTON (AP) -- U.S. and South Korean foreign ministers say patience is running out over North Korea's failure to hand over a promised declaration of nuclear efforts.
If we know the parties there's more patience where that came from!
WASHINGTON (AP) -- U.S. and South Korean foreign ministers say patience is running out over North Korea's failure to hand over a promised declaration of nuclear efforts.
If we know the parties there's more patience where that came from!
Just how bad are things at the English-language version of the Osama Channel? "David Marash, a former CBS Nightline presenter who was the senior anchor in Washington, has also quit."
And MediaBistro hedded it unchanged -- and even italicized it!
Someone rouse Lord Koppel from his torpor and alert him to a grave injustice!
And MediaBistro hedded it unchanged -- and even italicized it!
Someone rouse Lord Koppel from his torpor and alert him to a grave injustice!
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Goody! CHEAP CHANNEL'S LBO is near "COLLAPSE"!
Now we feel sorry for those who may have bought into this outfit at, say $90 a share -- or even at $35 or $40, thinking maybe a sale would save it. But we can think of few companies more deserving of economic RUIN than this one, which turned radio into the world's biggest car dealer while padding out the sales pitches with the vilest most overexposed three tunes imaginable. Well, people don't want to listen to that kind of radio anymore.
Now we feel sorry for those who may have bought into this outfit at, say $90 a share -- or even at $35 or $40, thinking maybe a sale would save it. But we can think of few companies more deserving of economic RUIN than this one, which turned radio into the world's biggest car dealer while padding out the sales pitches with the vilest most overexposed three tunes imaginable. Well, people don't want to listen to that kind of radio anymore.
BREAKING NEWS FROM ESPNCORP NETWORK!
FORMER FIRST LADY NANCY REAGAN WILL ENDORSE PRESIDENTIAL HOPEFUL SEN. JOHN MCCAIN TONIGHT IN LOS ANGELES
WOW IN ALL CAPITALS!!!!!
FORMER FIRST LADY NANCY REAGAN WILL ENDORSE PRESIDENTIAL HOPEFUL SEN. JOHN MCCAIN TONIGHT IN LOS ANGELES
WOW IN ALL CAPITALS!!!!!
Hey clowns, you made the rest of America abnormal -- what makes you think you could ever be "back to normal"? Isn't abnormal your normal anyway?
The strike wasn't long enough, by years.
(Via the usual ArtsJournal)
The strike wasn't long enough, by years.
(Via the usual ArtsJournal)
So, EDDIES of the world, you wanna replace manufacturing jobs with "recession-proof" health care?
Good luck!
Good luck!
AP NEWS ALERT!!!!!
WASHINGTON (AP) -- Trustees report that Social Security and Medicare face enormous financial challenges and that the threat to Medicare's solvency is especially severe.
Who would have GUESSED?
WASHINGTON (AP) -- Trustees report that Social Security and Medicare face enormous financial challenges and that the threat to Medicare's solvency is especially severe.
Who would have GUESSED?
Another likely instance of the SUPERMANNING OF AMERICA is teenage girls requiring breast implants. Why? What is wrong with the figure God gave you? And from the teens it only gets worse, as the too many augmented PRON "stars" can attest.
Appeals court rejects passenger bill of rights
And when John and the Nine Fingers refuse to hear an appeal, will there be rejoicing in the con-SER-va-tive and free-en-ter-prise sections of Heaven!
I guess they have wings.
And when John and the Nine Fingers refuse to hear an appeal, will there be rejoicing in the con-SER-va-tive and free-en-ter-prise sections of Heaven!
I guess they have wings.
Sony BMG Developing Online Music Service
What makes this firm so willing to think it can bait the public with its incompetence?
What makes this firm so willing to think it can bait the public with its incompetence?
Obama’s Test: Can a Liberal Be a Unifier?
Yes: He can (and will) unify liberals. Whether He can unify the people is another matter.
We suspect having Rev. GDA on your side makes it easier for the former, harder for the latter.
Yes: He can (and will) unify liberals. Whether He can unify the people is another matter.
We suspect having Rev. GDA on your side makes it easier for the former, harder for the latter.
Monday, March 24, 2008
Another epidemic of bullets, in Iowa City.
Is it me or are these epidemics getting more showoffy -- as though someone copied them from a movie? Ah, but movies don't cause crime, GUNS do.
Is it me or are these epidemics getting more showoffy -- as though someone copied them from a movie? Ah, but movies don't cause crime, GUNS do.
A GAMES boycott is a non-starter, but couldn't we boycott their TV coverage -- and the sponsors financing this grand apologia so their bosses can scream for months, "I WAS AT THE OLYMPICS AND YOU WEREN'T!!!!!"?
And I want to know why "record voter turnout" is a virtue. Haven't enough clods elected enough no-accounts? And doesn't said turnout mean too many people think our country's going wrong, and place undue faith in government to make it right? There were "record turnouts" before the Civil War, to be sure of that.
I wish I knew why I'm supposed to care what that blithering fraud James Carville thinks of Western Eddie. This loudmouth has an addiction to TV cameras every bit as immense as the alcoholic or the junkie; and that he and other pols regardless of their beliefs can and will open their mouths at the slightest provocation says that in the final analysis said pols come first, and the people last. It's these infernal hacks always opening their mouths that accounts for Congress's stellar reputation, and why attending to a presidential campaign now takes on the pleasure of a root canal.
Who says loony leftists dominate our kolledges?
At least 17 colleges and universities have accepted grants from the BB&T Charitable Foundation that stipulate that Ayn Rand’s novel Atlas Shrugged must be required reading in at least one course, The Charlotte Observer reported.
I want to hear the same con-SER-va-tives who complain about kolleegiate brainwashing criticize this scheme.
At least 17 colleges and universities have accepted grants from the BB&T Charitable Foundation that stipulate that Ayn Rand’s novel Atlas Shrugged must be required reading in at least one course, The Charlotte Observer reported.
I want to hear the same con-SER-va-tives who complain about kolleegiate brainwashing criticize this scheme.
But why should most Congresspoops want to claim credit for most pieces of...legislation -- even if they're not running for president?
(Via NRO)
(Via NRO)
ALTRIA (which is switching back to its old name of Philip Morris -- and offshoring to Switzerland, to "insulate itself" from lawyers, clever thinking) is about to introduce its leading cancer sticks in the future WORLD'S #1 ECONOMY, it sez here:
[T]he real growth is to be found overseas. While Philip Morris International is already the biggest on the planet, incoming chief operating officer Calantzopoulos said it has barely cracked four of the world's largest markets: India, China, Vietnam and Bangladesh, which together account for an estimated 2.3 trillion cigarettes per year. [COUGH! COUGHHHHHH!!!!!]
"These markets, which account for some 40% of total international cigarette consumption, represent clear opportunities for further growth in the mid to long-term," he said. [And population control besides!]
It will take a while, he said, but the company has finalized plans to launch a licensed Marlboro in China this summer via a joint venture with the China National Tobacco Company.
That entity contributes more than 10% of the Chinese government's income while representing some 20 million farmers and is a potent political force, Camilleri said.
"China takes time. Going head-to-head with the CNTC isn't going to get you anywhere."
So you mean the Chinese couldn't oppress their own people and stage the GAMES without ciggies? That's some deal!
REALTORS® have announced sales went up slightly last month -- and the Wall Street Casino dealers are taking it VERY seriously because they've ENDED THE HOUSING AND CREDIT CRISES!
The World Food Programme has launched an “extraordinary emergency appeal” to governments to donate at least $500m in the next four weeks to avoid rationing food aid in response to the spiralling cost of food.
The WFP, the United Nations agency responsible for relieving hunger.... (Emphasis added)
NO COMMENT.
The WFP, the United Nations agency responsible for relieving hunger.... (Emphasis added)
NO COMMENT.
As we might have expected Mr. MorganChase's CLOWNS are renogtiating the deal, and as we might have further expected the CLOWNS in our GUVMENT are in an A-1 panic because they signed off on this mess, and now they have the mother of all EGGS on their faces -- but this will happen with a MORON-IN-CHIEF.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
"The main responsibility of the IOC is to deliver the best possible Olympic Games to the athletes, who deserve it," Rogge said.
That is sheer unmitigated buncombe: The main responsibility of this GE BANCORP subsidiary is to deliver the best possible Games to the SPONSORS, who DON'T deserve it.
That is sheer unmitigated buncombe: The main responsibility of this GE BANCORP subsidiary is to deliver the best possible Games to the SPONSORS, who DON'T deserve it.
Elsewhere in St. Warren's Paper of Re-CORD:
An Architect With a Taste for Change
"Philip Johnson: Architecture as Art" showcases late designs, including a Mexican children's museum whose strange form recalls 1920s German expressionism.
Or maybe it recalls a pile of kiddie building blocks painted white and selling to a client for millions.
An Architect With a Taste for Change
"Philip Johnson: Architecture as Art" showcases late designs, including a Mexican children's museum whose strange form recalls 1920s German expressionism.
Or maybe it recalls a pile of kiddie building blocks painted white and selling to a client for millions.
And speaking of MB2:
The enlargement of the judiciary's role by the regulatory state requires compensation of the judiciary commensurate with its ever-expanding importance. That importance, although regrettable, is a fact, and so is this: You get the quality -- and the perspective -- you pay for.
Given some colyumnists' salaries we will merely say NO COMMENT.
The enlargement of the judiciary's role by the regulatory state requires compensation of the judiciary commensurate with its ever-expanding importance. That importance, although regrettable, is a fact, and so is this: You get the quality -- and the perspective -- you pay for.
Given some colyumnists' salaries we will merely say NO COMMENT.
Another tiresome partisan split:
Endangered Listings Drop Under Bush
Meaning of course he's helping big business (which has turned so PC we wonder if IT would approve); but under President Messiah sparrows and pigeons would be protected species. Can't anybody do anything for mere RIGHT?
Endangered Listings Drop Under Bush
Meaning of course he's helping big business (which has turned so PC we wonder if IT would approve); but under President Messiah sparrows and pigeons would be protected species. Can't anybody do anything for mere RIGHT?
Now Chris Cox, in what sounds like a slap at his panicky suddenly hyperactive boss, says Bear didn't have to be "saved", which should make us ponder whether all those people who've been writing lately that the New Wizard of Oz "saved" the financial markets know what THEY'RE talking about.
Meantime we're getting the usual down-the-middle-left-right-let's-no-one-agree-about-anything split as to whether the financial markets need more regulation. One thing's clear: something caused Babbitts and the Casino dealers to go nuts, and it most likely wasn't regulation.
Meantime we're getting the usual down-the-middle-left-right-let's-no-one-agree-about-anything split as to whether the financial markets need more regulation. One thing's clear: something caused Babbitts and the Casino dealers to go nuts, and it most likely wasn't regulation.