Posted 6:19 PM by Gene

I'm going to write about musicals again, and though I know I must be tiresome on the subject the death of that form speaks to the death of our culture. Today I've been perusing through Kevin Brownlow's amazing anthology of production and publicity stills from Mary Pickford's movies, and I've long thought the ideal musical would be the story of her epochal romance with Douglas Fairbanks Sr. In the perfect world this would be the perfect show: two larger-then-life figures in a fascinating business, making movies as they were being born and maturing, who knew and worked with larger-than-life figures: Chaplin and D. W. Griffith for starters; two people with large flaws -- Mary's alcoholism, Doug's roving eye. It would of course have an unhappy ending, somewhat violating the genre's laws, but it would be magnificently funny and stirring and touching, all the things that make for great art. One might protest that could it be done if would have to be a show with music rather than a musical; it must have production routines centering around their most famous parts, which of necessity would be a kind of ballet. But this is a trifle -- it would be superb, utterly enthralling spectacle.

Now who would write it? Oscar Hammerstein could do the book, assisted by Neil Simon for the gags. Or maybe Arthur Laurents; he knew show-biz. But who would do the music? Jerome Kern, perhaps; as excellent as he and his colleagues were he was the only one who could write consistently "big" songs. Victor Herbert would have been right if he only he'd been tuneful. Possibly the great movie scorers; but so far as I know not one among them ever wrote an opera or musical. I've always thought the best choice would be Leroy Anderson. He seems to have written his superlative tone poems for a show that never existed; they have a unifying thread of bigness and eloquence and quaintness that would be just right for a big, eloquent, even a little quaint story. (Anderson did write a show about silent movies -- a 1958 affair with Jean and Walter Kerr called Goldilocks; but it had no really good ballads, and it flopped.)

Now, to reality: a BILLY JOELY SHOW with cliches and $1.5 million in advance bookings; A ROCKIN' ROLLIN' DEAD-MAN SHOW WITH ELVIS TUNES; and bus-and-truck companies recycling fifth-rate shows and stretching out longer than the proverbial truckin' CONVOY.

Posted 6:13 PM by Gene

On the left....

CAMPAIGN EFFLUVIA....I guess every presidential campaign has 'em: the last minute bizarro issues that suddenly become life or death campaign fodder. This year, we've had no fewer than three in the final month of the campaign:

1. Flu vaccine shortage.
2. 380 tons of missing explosives.
3. The Osama videotape.

Isn't that amazing? Ultimately, these are all trivial issues that will be entirely forgotten within a few months, but they just might be the things that decide who will be president for the next four years. Sometimes I feel like we should just flip a coin and save ourselves the trouble.

But how would Fred OR Kevin fare if they had to spend long hours with their MOUTHS SHUT?

Posted 6:10 PM by Gene

Mr. CW of the Right wants to ditch the debates for all the reasons one can recite in his sleep.

Why didn't he say this when the debates were on?

Posted 3:15 PM by Gene

Larry, Keep Your Money [SFGate home page hed]

Is that a threat?

Posted 2:08 PM by Gene

Osama offers us a deal

I can hear the NEWS HACKS now: Take it!! TAKE IT!!!!!

Posted 1:30 PM by Gene

A PAPER OF RECORD scribbler stealthily, covertly, abashedly admits the BIG O and the Democratic Party are on wavelengths that may not be all that far apart.

Posted 1:20 PM by Gene

Gallstones! Flu! Leukemia! No! And still he lives!!!!!

What are we going to DO about this, LITTLE?!?!?

Posted 1:08 PM by Gene

BP plunks a corporate HQ of a spin-off on Chicago -- with "at least $12 million in state subsidies."

And Georgia offers $17 million to Kmart!

CEOs of the world, UNITE!

Posted 1:03 PM by Gene

Another EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL Republican bashes the League of Nations!

BRING IN THE BLUE SHIRTS!

Posted 1:00 PM by Gene

This semi-literate Web police blotter points to the day when pop "concerts" will feature live gun battles.

SUMNER!!!!!

Posted 9:24 AM by Gene

My October 30 mindset is that Ellen Goodman had her mind set in cement the day she was born.

Posted 9:13 AM by Gene

That a...performer -- we are loath to use the term SINGER -- does not have to lip-sync may not necessarily make her more talented, if we can judge from what passes for grunting -- we are loath to use the term MUSIC -- these days.

Posted 9:09 AM by Gene

Hed of the week:

AH, SHADDAP!

Posted 6:44 PM by Gene

Let's all be HOT for that "BURNIN' NEW MUSICAL COMEDY" based on the BURNIN' NEW SONGS OF ELVIS and starrin' CHEYENNE JACKSON (WOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!!!!!!!!), with "JENN GAMBATESE, TONY AWARD NOMINEE JONATHAN HADARY, LEAH HOCKING [shouldn't that be Leah Hockin'?], CURTIS HOLBROOK, NIKKI M. JAMES, JOHN JELLISON, ALIX KOREY, MARK PRICE AND SHARON WILKINS IN A CAST OF 28 THAT FEATURES JUSTIN BOHON, JUSTIN BRILL, PAUL CASTREE, CARA COOPER, RANDY A. DAVIS, JENNIE FORD, TRISHA JEFFREY, MICHELLE KITTRELL, ANIKA LARSEN, MICHAEL X. MARTIN, KAREN MURPHY, JOHN ERIC PARKER, JUSTIN PATTERSON, JENELL LYNN RANDALL, MICHAEL JAMES SCOTT, JENNY-LYNN SUCKLING [Sucklin'?]AND VIRGINIA WOODRUFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

WOW! I'M ALL SHOOK UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now back to sleep.

Posted 6:25 PM by Gene

AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHH!!!!! OSAMA!!!!! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO CRIB FROM ME????????????????????

Although to be sure I'm faintly honored.

Posted 6:04 PM by Gene

Not too long ago I was content with 5 hits a day. Now I average maybe 20, which is better, but a rising tide lifts all boats, and I don't want to be just another bobbing dinghy. Please bookmark me, or pass my URL on to some blogger of influence who might get me more widely read. I'm not in this for intellectual onanism.

Posted 5:58 PM by Gene

(My first post in PARENTHESES [I think]: I know it is not sporting to fail to acknowledge where you get your posts; I should do so, but it would take twice as long type up a post. That said, I get quite a few of them from IWantMedia.com -- an excellent site [the last two posts came from there] -- and ArtsJournal.com, which really has that pretentious biz covered. I do not know who their propritetors are but may I give a heartfelt thank-you for allowing me to link to so many interesting stories, and to get me to think too.)

Posted 5:55 PM by Gene

SHUT Up, SOB. You decided against endorsements because you feared they would chase away advertisers. You didn't know advertisers.

Posted 5:52 PM by Gene

ANOTHER right-wing conspiracy: WAL-MART'S STORES are airing FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!NEWS on ELECTION NIGHT!

LET'S PUT THIS OUTFIT OUT OF BUSINESS WITH TV-B-GONE!!!!! BWA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAAAAA!!!!!

(Well, the REST of the time.)

Posted 5:44 PM by Gene

FINALLY, the idiots at G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLEBLOGGER learn what we who blog have known for weeks, for MONTHS -- "DAMN, BLOGGER IS SLOW." They claimed to have been surprised by the growth in traffic, to which I say, your bosses, through their many friends among the news hacks, are always broadcasting their business GENIUS -- you must be GENIUSES to see your stock DOUBLE -- and you couldn't have foreseen this tremendous GROWTH? If Google could work -- and surely its traffic has grown a lot too -- why couldn't BLOGGER? My guess is they tried to string along with what they had until it literally burned up. Certainly they couldn't spend money on a loss leader. G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLEBLOGGER has been slow before, often enough before; and the IPO was a long time coming, so this surely wasn't a new M.O. All this remorse and technology comes too late though, for those of us who (we think) didn't just fall off the turnip truck, who have already decided to abandon the GOOG for an alternative -- and while I don't deny looking for a Web hosting service has pitfalls of its own, this blogger doesn't want to have to pound on his keyboard for forty-five minutes getting through an already balky connection. Judging from the GENIUSES' explanation we have no reason to believe it will get more than marginally better anytime soon. I'm willing to pay for better service. If that what it takes, so be it.

Of course, who can say this growth will last forever? Just as Yahoo! pancaked, just as other dot.coms bombed, surely the number of abandoned blogs is piling up almost as fast as people are singing on. Blogging is no fad, but for the next few years, for many people, it may as well be.

Then maybe G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLEBLOGGER would improve. Or maybe the company will finally have spun it off.

P. S. STERNO quotes someone who says G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE will sink, and we all know how the TWXSTERS are with their COVER JINXES.

Posted 5:41 PM by Gene

We have one idea how credible the eternal hero of Arabdom is: the stock market didn't go down.

They were DANCIN' ON THE CEILING again at the O CHANNEL. May ALLAH inflict you with the LAWS OF GRAVITY.

Posted 5:05 PM by Gene

I wonder, if a Second Civil War erupted which side would BIG BUSINESS take?

Of course -- the TRAITORS'.

Posted 3:00 PM by Gene

I don't know; I thought race tracks and slaughterhouses had a lot in common.

Posted 8:49 AM by Gene

UH-oh:

The Internal Revenue Service is reviewing the tax-exempt status of the nation's oldest civil rights organization, saying criticism of President Bush at the NAACP's national convention in July may have violated rules against partisan activity.

Can't the Feds tell the difference between "partisan activity" and THE TRUTH?

Posted 8:45 AM by Gene

Where, oh where, has the sitcom gone?

Kevin Reilly, president of entertainment at NBC, laid the blame on the excessive amount of creative notes scriptwriters are inundated with by network executives.

That may be the only creative aspect of the biz.

And if there's something a GE BANCORP exec should know about, it's CREATIVE NOTES.

Posted 8:31 AM by Gene

With Nothing Left to Win, Fans of Red Sox Suddenly Feel a Loss

Is there an analogy here?

Posted 8:22 AM by Gene

"[T]he death groans of the dinosaur media." Guy, dinosaur media make thousands of times more money than your Web site. Dinosaur media will still elect a president. They're not gasoline yet.

Posted 8:04 AM by Gene

Who wants to lay odds a Republican Senate blocks the DIP's heroic Nine Fingers appointments? What law says we need nine anyway? Why not Eight or Seven Fingers?

Posted 7:05 AM by Gene

Two things certain with a DIP!!!!! win: 1.) Giuliani runs in 2008 (problem: he'll be 64), and 2.) there'll be a furious idiot rush by South Park Con-SER-vatives to amend the Constitution or stretch the laws to allow Ah-NULT to run.

Posted 6:51 AM by Gene

A Nixonian president, a defiant Congress. Sounds like we could be in for FOUR WONDERFUL YEARS.

Posted 6:47 AM by Gene

The Econowiz's rousing endorsement for DIPPITY-DO!!!!!:

The incompetent or the incoherent?

Posted 6:36 AM by Gene

A second FIASCO 2000 would be a catastrophe for the republic, but it seems exactly what's headed for us. The more political daily life becomes the greater the likelihood of a second Civil War -- and high-voltage campaigning helped lead to the first one.

Posted 6:31 AM by Gene

A new definition of IDIOT:

Pollster John Zogby, in a telephone interview with me yesterday, predicted that John Kerry will win the election. "It's close," he said, "but in the last couple of days things have been trending toward Kerry - nationally and in the swing states. Between this and history, I think it will be Kerry."

When Zogby talks, politicians listen. He made his bones in the Bill Clinton-Bob Dole election of 1996, when he came within one-tenth of a percentage point of the final tally.

Bet me that when the Bushies read what Zogby told me, not just the rhetoric will rise, but so will the fever.

Particularly since one of their favorite columnists, Robert Novak, reported in yesterday's Washington Post that Zogby called the race for President Bush in a conversation he had with the pollster on Monday.

I think the time has come to call for a TOTAL BAN on PUBLIC-OPINION POLLS -- and PUBLIC-OPINION POLLSTERS.

Posted 7:56 PM by Gene

NO-SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN ZONE better hope this settlement patches up the MANY LEAKY HOLES in his REPUTATION.

My guess is he'll emerge as unscathed as DAN BLATHER, simply through the sheer force of his MOUTH.

Posted 5:51 PM by Gene

I wish I could access actual pages from defunct newspapers. I recall seeing the front page of the long defunct Philadelphia Record, a rabidly Democratic table pounder, from the day after FDR accepted his nomination for a second term. Though full of the adjectives news hacks have long disdained in favor of the cute hint and the clever nudge, there was no escaping the majesty of this front page, and of the event it chronicled: One of the greatest orators ever in the White House, speaking before 100,000 at Franklin Field (what a name! What a stadium!) imploring that "this generation of Americans has a rendezvous with destiny!" Though subsequent events would impart a heavy irony on those words -- indeed Roosevelt almost anticipates the coming horrible war -- there was no mistaking this was a speech you could relate to your grandchildren, and they would get goose bumps too. That he collapsed on the podium during an impassioned sentence and had to be helped up (his polio was still largely unknown to the public) could only add to the aura.

Today DIPPITY-DO!!!!! appeared before 80,000 at Madison. That statement is anti-climactic in itself; but most of the 80,000 were surely there to see THE MAN KNIGHTED BY LORD KOPPEL OF ESPNDOM AS THE GREATEST MUSICIAN OF ALL TIME. I do not know who introduced whom (by rights DIP should have been first); but unless the DO!!!!! forgot his ancient Senate mannerisms and delivered a plea for the ages I'd guess the crowd was bored by the third paragraph, as it could never be in the presence of GENIUS. Oh to be a writer for, say, THE PAPER OF RECORD, and turn such a crass, numbing, degraded show of manic arm-waving into the ACHIEVEMENT of YESTERYEAR, to make a fumbling hoity-toity unlikeable left-wing NIXON into -- A POLITICAL GENIUS! INTO -- A ROOSEVELT!!!!!

As today's unfortunate events at TRIBCO proved, lying only goes so far.

P. S. Yes, I know all about FDR's "deviousness," and his shameful compromises. But he was still among the best the age had to offer, and for being the best he was at his best damned good.

Posted 5:44 PM by Gene

Judging from this flack sheet there appear to be so many ifs, ands and buts to this alleged survey of Iraqi war dead that it can only serve one purpose, a purpose admitted to by one of the eggheads: to throw a tantrum.

I'M SICK OF LEFT-WING TANTRUMS!! I'M SICK OF RIGHT-WING TANTRUMS!! I'M SICK OF POLITICAL TANTRUMS!!!!!

Posted 5:23 PM by Gene

We must post THIS PIECE OF JUNK in full:

From Britney Spears's Surprise Weddings to Ashlee Simpson's "SNL" Fiasco -- 'VH1 Big in '04' Applauds the Biggest People, Moments and Trends of 2004 on Sunday, December 5, at 9pm*


SANTA MONICA, Calif., Oct. 28 /PRNewswire/ -- No debate needed. 2004 has been a wacky year -- even "surreal" sometimes. It's been a year filled with catchphrases ranging from The Donald's "You're Fired" to Paris Hilton's "You're Hot," new homes (Martha Stewart going to prison), Olympic controversies (Paul Hamm and his gold medal) and rivalries (Hillary Duff vs. Lindsay Lohan and The Bush twins vs. Kerry girls). [FORGETTING SOMETHING, SUMNER?]

VH1 will recall it all on Sunday, December 5 at 9PM* during the third
annual "VH1 Big in '04," celebration -- jamming the biggest people, political
blunders, moments and trends of the year into one enormous spectacle.

Featuring performances by Maroon 5, Black Eyed Peas, Green Day and Velvet Revolver, "VH1 Big in '04" will be taped at Los Angeles' Shrine Auditorium on Wednesday, December 1. Doing away with the traditional awards show format, VH1 will honor winners in categories that captured the year in music, news, politics, arts, and gossip, such as ...

BIG ENTERTAINER OF '04
Celebrities that made the biggest impact in 2004.

BIG BUMMER
People, incidents and topics that were disappointing this year.

BIG FAMILY OF '04
Families that made a big impression in 2004.

BIG FEUD OF '04
People and organizations that had the biggest battles in 2004.

BIG CATCH PHRASE OF '04
Phrases that were heard and repeated in 2004, even in our sleep.

BIG BANNED IN '04
People and topics that were controversial and banned this year. [I think this is where VIACON comes in.]

BIG SECOND COMING
Biggest topics and people that for a second time have risen to the top.

Tickets go on sale to the public beginning Wednesday, November 3rd.
Advance tickets are available only through Ticketmaster.com, VH1.com/Big
Tickets or your local Tickemaster outlet. Tickets are $50 for all seat
locations.

For more information about "VH1 Big in '04" please visit
http://www.VH1.com .

Sponsors for "VH1 Big in '04" include Old Navy, Biore, Chevrolet, Garnier Fructis, MasterCard, Nikon, Radio Shack, Revlon, Hewlett Packard, Burger King, Toyota Motor Sales, Verizon Wireless and Warner Bros. new motion picture, 'Ocean's 12', in theaters December 10.

"VH1 Big in '04" is executive produced by Michael Dempsey, Lee Rolontz and
Mimi James.

*all times ET/PT

Contacts:

Vanessa Reyes
MTV Networks
310-752-8081

Tracy McGraw
VH1
212-846-7879

Lindsey Schiff-Abrams
MTV Networks
310-752-8082

Toni Herron
VH1
212-846-7879

You must pardon us, ladies; we thought the asterisk meant SUBJECT TO TAPE DELAY.

I think it's time to write to the BLOGGERS at the AMERICAN SOCIETY OF WILLFULLY IGNORANT ADVERTISERS.

Posted 5:06 PM by Gene

When he gets to Pa-REE does JACQUE-ASS prostrate himself bedside?

Posted 4:54 PM by Gene

Today I wanted to see how my friend SAMMY GLICKMAN was doing -- you know, THE MOST POWERFUL MAN IN AMERICA? -- so I looked him up in G000,000,000,000,000,000GLE News and found an interview that gives softball a bad name. I knew the interviewer (whose name is Ina Fried) was intent on stinking up the gym when she called his predecessor LEGENDARY. The whole affair seems to have consisted of SAMMY saying, "Hey, you wanna see my BlackBerry?" I can envision these two clowns playing footsie and SAMMY squealing, "Wouldya like to play wireless TIC-TAC-TOE? Hee-hee-hee!" What we need are tough, probing, uncomfortable interviews, and only CONSERVATIVE REPUBLICANS get them. God knows how many people have advanced their careers with such Pepe LePew typing; God knows how many should have been FIRED for it.

Posted 2:36 PM by Gene

I don’t read Frank Rich’s column—it hurts my ears....

You must be an exception, Mr. Teachout. Most people get jock itch.

Posted 2:22 PM by Gene

It is hard to believe Mike Ovitz didn't realize there is no love between Mafiosi. It is easier to believe a man who wanted to buy "EMI, Putnam Publishing, Yahoo!, and the Seattle Seahawks" did not have "a responsibility to his shareholders" -- or to anyone else.

Posted 2:09 PM by Gene

More and more the BIG NAME BLOGGERS (in this case, a big name blogger's substitute -- we said we'd never slam you again after you linked to us, PROF, and we mean it) are engaging in unfunny time-wasting "SATIRE."

Posted 1:34 PM by Gene

The Tribune Co. announced this morning that circulation at its two largest papers, the Los Angeles Times and the Chicago Tribune, experienced steep declines.

WE'D RATHER BE RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No, you'd rather be LEFT.

TRIBCO blames a large chunk of the loss at LALA on the DO-NOT-CALL Law. NEVER blame the PRODUCT.

Posted 1:29 PM by Gene

Ailing Yasser Arafat refusing doctors' recommendation that he go to Paris for treatment, Palestinian sources say. Details soon. [CNN home page]

WHAT?!?!?!?!? If they carted him through the streets he'd meet with the greatest public display of French love since -- HITLER.

Posted 1:18 PM by Gene

Which puts us in mind -- how will THE STREET react when YASSIR dies? That there will be a total nervous breakdown on America's campuses we cannot doubt; the League of Nations may hibernate for a month, and fly its wimpy blue flag at half-staff for six; Congresspoop Jim "Saddam" McDermott may dye his hair brown; and there will be demonstrations, TONS of demonstrations, organized by the HOSNIs and the House of Saud and all the other thugs to keep their peoples' minds off REVOLUTION. And there will be denial, TOTAL denial, that YASSIR and his courageous mass murders set back the cause of his people by generations.

Posted 1:12 PM by Gene

One must ask how many cable channels are superfluous. Many of them would not survive without our unwilling DOUBLE WHAMMY of SUBSCRIBER FEES and ADVERTISING TITHES. We will not miss CNNfn, which was superfluous in the best of times; but then, neither would we miss most of the other channels we dislike if we could SHUT THEM DOWN as WASTES OF OUR MONEY.

A haunting footnote: I actually watched that network (!), when I still had time for television, and one of its most frequent talking heads was David Alger, who died in the WTC.

Posted 10:39 AM by Gene

Every time NEWS HACKS complain EEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL bloggers make up stories -- why, if the NEWS HACKS don't do them one better!

Posted 9:51 AM by Gene

Je$$e Jack$on, cheap$kate.

Where's all the money you got from shaking down big business?

Posted 9:27 AM by Gene

STUPID communications firms spend $1.1 billion in Congressional bribery over six years, and what does it get the Congresspoops?

Most likely, mad.

Posted 9:02 AM by Gene

Hmmm, would Dow Jones buy Marketwatch so it wouldn't have to make THE WALL STREET JOURNALS ONLINE EDITION available for free? EXCELLENT IDEA!

Posted 6:37 AM by Gene

Had Hitler staged his Beer Putsch at Columbia they'd have had to wear green shirts.

Of course Columbia has the famous JERNALISM SCHOOL. You have to wonder how much of the SIEG HEIL! is infecting our national system of TRUTH TELLING.

Posted 6:24 AM by Gene

Every time little goes into his cute ARAFAT SERAIT MORT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! routine he cites Israel Radio and the JPost and (of course) DEBKAfile. Whatever the Israelis' extraordinary achievements, the news biz has not shared in them -- except to the extent it can top the rest of the international press in telling lies. So we should not be surprised all the talk of our man lapsing into a coma and all that should be what little specializes in -- exaggerations. On the other hand we can hardly hope for aides of The World's Most Trusted Terrorist Leader to tell the truth either; they may be on the OUTS themselves. But when a fib wears little's mouth, somehow it speaks worse.

Posted 6:22 AM by Gene

Somewhere, Harry Frazee is smiling.

Posted 7:36 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: This year's OSCAR® nominees will be even CRAPPIER than USUAL.

Posted 5:54 PM by Gene

Today I saw (for the hundredth time) another of our historic MUSICAL BAGMEN playing a horn with the bell crooked like The DIZ'. I thought, he should have had the bell crooked 180 degrees. Then he could play like Miles with his back to his audience.

Of course he might have to fiddle with his mouthpiece as he'd have to swivel his head 180 degrees too.

Posted 5:17 PM by Gene

ROMY links to a blogger who details bloodletting at the Dallas Morning News (I'd have thought it would be lots of "little guys" -- the people NEWS HACKS traditionally shaft when they're slanting the news and INFLATING THEIR CIRCULATION). What is more worthy to me, though, is THIS post:

Finally This Goddamned Blog is Working Again

HEAR THAT, ZILLIONAIRES??????????

Posted 5:10 PM by Gene

I hate to harp on musicals (if only because I love them), but consider this photo:



These are the leads in a new Goodspeed Opera House production of Jerry Herman's cult flop Mack and Mabel. I wouldn't even post on this except the original show starred Robert Preston and Bernadette Peters. Here we have a middle manager romancing a nobody. It's not just the dearth of tunes that killed the musical -- the dearth of FACES did it too.

Posted 4:57 PM by Gene

Demagogues forever deny their culpability for history. With LIBERALS, it's VIETNAM, which they constantly cite to make themselves feel good for their MORAL JUSTICE, never mind they made several millions in Southeast Asia feel not-so-good. With CONSERVATIVES, it's THE GREAT DEPRESSION, which they always blame on TARIFFS and GUVMENT and not on insane speculation financed by debt.

NO, the whole world IS run by PAUL BEGALA (or JACOB WEISBERG) and TUCKER CARLSON.

Posted 4:55 PM by Gene

A MORON from TOENAIL.COM:

As evidenced by this survey, the vast majority at Slate wants John Kerry to win the election on Nov. 2. But don't get the wrong idea. We're not trying to help him do it.

Sure. Like the gun hurts the bank robber.

OR:

CBS journalists, whatever their politics, are professionals who aspire to be fair and resist bias. Many of those at Fox News Channel, on the other hand, aspire only to advance the fortunes of the conservative movement blahblahblahblah....

TRANSLATION: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! DEY'RE DOIN' WAT WE DO! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!

Posted 2:51 PM by Gene

Did DIPPITY-DO!!!!! evolve from a prehistoric dwarf?

If so, he shor did GROW.

This is what you get when you use LOADED words like "EVOLUTION."

Posted 1:27 PM by Gene

LENNY's being disingenuous. He often boasts about how he doesn't vote. He doesn't have to. As managing editor of THE WORLD'S SECOND GREATEST NEWSPAPER he holds more power than whole STATES of voters. And he can exercise it sneakily, cunningly, connivingly. That "separation" blather clinches it. There is no more a "separation" between news and editorial than there could be a separation of the symbiotic bigotries and prejudices in the luxury news suites. News hacks long ago learned how to be partisan without being partisan.

Posted 1:22 PM by Gene

And speaking of cheerleading, I've come up with the PERFECT mascot for KINSLEY.COM, where this appeared.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!

Posted 1:17 PM by Gene

When not CHEERLEADING for DIPPITY-DO!!!, CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES sing a FIGHT SONG FOR G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE!!!!!

RAH RAH RAH! SIS BOOM BAH! $100,000 A SHARE RAH RAH RAH!

Posted 10:38 AM by Gene

I'm not sure why pro-sports types give overwhelmingly to the GOP; both sides are equally good at prostitution.

Posted 10:37 AM by Gene

Think he's ready to DIE yet, little?

What an irony: he has a gallstone, you have GALL.

Posted 9:34 AM by Gene

Whoopee!!!!! Looks like the ENTIRE G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLEBLOGGER empire is down, including Blogspot! Nothing succeeds like success!

And nothing takes the day off like a G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE employee who's worth a minimum of $50 MILLION.

Posted 9:14 AM by Gene

STERNO -- again:

Boss blogs

: Seth Godin gives good advice to CEOs wanting to jump on the blogging trend train:

Here's the problem. Blogs work when they are based on:
Candor
Urgency
Timeliness
Pithiness and
Controversy
(maybe Utility if you want six).

Does this sound like a CEO to you?

Short and sweet, folks: If you can't be at least four of the five things listed above, please don't bother.

The same advice holds for big media blogs, advertiser blogs, brand blogs, PR blogs, politician blogs....

So how come everyone reads you and no one reads me?

(You do have the CONTROVERSY thing down right.)

Posted 9:06 AM by Gene

The DEMS engaged in PROACTIVE SUING!

Way to go, TERRY!

Posted 9:00 AM by Gene

Oh, NO!!!!! THE AMERICAN SOCIETY OF WILLFULLY IGNORANT ADVERTISERS HAS -- BLOGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And they're updated ONCE A MONTH. Very -- TIMELY.

Posted 8:48 AM by Gene

A comfort food for Te-RRRRRRRRRRRRRRAIT-TZA, no doubt -- at $2,000 a pound. I'm sure she's staged a few tantrums over her truffles' PROVENANCE.

Posted 8:44 AM by Gene

Mme. Defarge thinks she's sooooooooooo smart -- but she's already won one lawsuit for nothing, and now she's giving free publicity to a glorified whorehouse. Way to go, 'FARGE!

Posted 8:30 AM by Gene

2 Kerry Votes on War and Peace Underline a Political Evolution

There's our new spin word, "evolution." You mean from one kind of monkey to another?

Posted 8:27 AM by Gene

It's official: I HAVE HAD IT WITH G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLEBLOGGER. I am searching for a Web hosting service. I also hope to have my own URL, not one with somebody else's name attached to it.

Posted 6:25 AM by Gene

Siegfried and Roy are ready to tell all.

About white tigers they have known? ZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Posted 6:34 PM by Gene

AP: New Bush Guard papers leave questions

See that pretzel waking down the street? That's an AP reporter.

WHAT DID YOU SAY, BILL SALETAN?

Posted 6:00 PM by Gene

Streisand 'Submissive,' Turns Other Cheek

As DIPPITY-DO!! will soon learn, pffh-hh-hh.

Posted 5:57 PM by Gene

Another MASTERPIECE: a MUSICAL about VAN GOGH.

How do you hum his ear lop?

And it opens in the HOMETOWN OF USAOKAY!!!!!, which is somehow befitting.

Posted 5:54 PM by Gene

When GENERAL gets in his whiny mode, you wonder if there'd be a whole helluva lot of difference between him and SECRETARY OF STATE HOLBROOKE.

But SHUCKS, even ROBERT FISK'S RAG (whatever happened to him, anyway? Get walled out?) admits THE HOPES AND PRAYERS OF MANKIND MAY NOT BE ANSWERED.

Posted 5:43 PM by Gene

This evening, while "preparing" a Freezer Queen dinner -- the frozen dinner that makes CONAgra Foods's Banquet brand a feast of culinary perfection -- I noticed this little dingy embossed on the end of the package:

BEST BY AUG 1006 A4

Knowing Freezer Queen, it COULD have meant "Best by Aug., 1006."

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

P. S. All right, I'm sorry, it isn't bad -- if you have nothing better to eat.

Posted 5:24 PM by Gene

When all the employees are worth at least $20,000,000 each, as they are at G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLEBLOGGER, WHAT INCENTIVE HAVE THEY TO DO WELL?

Posted 5:10 PM by Gene

"Fox News was incorrectly described in a page-one article Monday as being sympathetic to the Bush cause," says the Wall Street Journal. How the reporters made that mistake isn't explained.

I'll explain it, ROMY: THIS is THE WALL STREET JOURNALS LIBERAL EDITION. Had it been THE WALL STREET JOURNALS CONSERVATIVE EDITION...well, those typists wouldn't have been so -- UNCOUTH.

Can't wait for your freebies, JOURNALS -- when you try to prove you CAN GET NOTHING FOR SOMETHING.

Posted 5:04 PM by Gene

We should be suspicious of a think piece in the NEW! IMPROVED!! NEW YORK!!!, especially one on the heavy subject of -- POP CUL-TEEYURE, but as the author notes, Nicole Kidman has starred in practically zero "defining" hit movies. I suspect it's her face; though celebrated for its beauty, it has a hard, congealed look, with the slowly overspreading tinge of the society lush past her prime. There's a reason we celebrate the great beauties of moviedom past, just as increasingly likely we'll put Nicole perhaps far down on the ladder, and a mere rung above, well, Glenn Close, a career (and face) with problems of its own.

Posted 4:55 PM by Gene

First a man who helped invent the live-action Road Runner cartoon blamed "middle managers." Now the director of Fiddler on the Roof blames "huge multinational corporations." Peter Biskind should be hugging himself; it shows the kind of pernicious influence his five-hundred-plus pages of insider scribble have on Hollywood hacks. By assigning blame to "management" and "corporations" Peter allowed Hollywood to blame NO ONE; or to paraphrase the director of ROLLERBALL (which he himself has called a proud achievement), "S-! happens." HOLLYWOODIANS WILL NEVER SAY I DID IT.

Posted 3:16 PM by Gene

"The people who cover campaigns are not normal."

Coming from you, Bill Saletan, we'll take that as definitive.

Posted 3:06 PM by Gene

Well, looks like that publicity stunt didn't do THAT badly. David "Duhhhhhhh" Smith must be looking for another stunt. How about a reality show: Who Wants to Run a TV-Station Chain?

Posted 9:44 AM by Gene

CIRCULATION INFLATION at DA NOOZ?

Consider the source.

Posted 9:17 AM by Gene

Hmmm, would the people in Palm Beach County have trouble with THIS ballot?

Posted 9:13 AM by Gene

MEANTIME, A NEW ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE POPS UP -- HE'S DONATED AIR TIME TO...REPUBLICANS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Again I say, the answer to this is simple: JUST SLANT THE NEWS MORE!!

To paraphrase archy the cockroach, all enemies of the people taste alike to me.

Posted 8:57 AM by Gene

And in MORE news from ROMY:



DUHHHHHHHHH, I'm no loony toon, but I don't watch da noos either, so I couldn't really tell you if I am, duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

OR:

Few Baltimoreans saw Sinclair show

Pffh-hh-hh ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!

Posted 8:54 AM by Gene

Why bother getting a graduate degree in journalism?

GOOD QUESTION!!!!!

Posted 6:49 AM by Gene

They could have solved the problem by having the Taliban win the war.

Posted 6:47 AM by Gene

We may wonder if Dubya knows what he's doing; but in time we'll be wondering if DIPPITY-DO!! knows what he's doing, in a different way.

Posted 6:24 AM by Gene

New voters are pumping their fist for the FORCE OF RIGHT; now, do they know what they're doing?

Literary Digest redux?

P. S. "Influx could tilt race either way." Stop the weasel-wording; they'll tilt the race for YOUR GUY.

I should not be surprised if many morons vote DIPPITY-DO!! in, but then we have the consolation of American history that it won't be the first time.

Posted 6:21 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: Hosni the Thug has found scapegoats for those tourist bombings so he can tell his people not to get ideas.

Posted 5:22 PM by Gene

Speaking of:

It's no surprise that this latest pre-fabricated pop star can't sing live (and at this point has no shame either).

She joins a rather stellar group of mostly female peers who have been manufactured by managers and record companies. They don't write their own material and they don't sing it either.

Does it matter since they're not singing MUSIC?

Posted 5:05 PM by Gene

My corner highway robber just used its foreground Muzak to inflict on me the musical equivalent of loud sirens at 2:30 a.m.

WE WANT MUZAK-B-GONE!

Posted 4:57 PM by Gene

Someone who works for a would-be BUTTMAN INSTITUTE tries to prove his wonkish worth by attempting AN ANALOGY:

Like big government (run by the decision makers in Congress), the Yankees think that indiscriminately throwing lots of money at a problem solves it. For four years now, New York has missed out on a World Series championship, which owner George Steinbrenner believes is his, and his fans', birthright.

Unfortunately, for three years running (and four out of five) George spent money indiscriminately and did win World Series.

And how to explain all those con-SER-vatives who believe if the Sox win it's the end of the world because the team's based in TAXACHUSETTS?

Sports has nothing to do with politics except when owners do the shakedown, and Republicans and Democrats alike are all too willing to take THE PRONE POSITION.

Posted 1:29 PM by Gene

The IDIOTS who don't BLOG are buying G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,00G again.

Posted 1:14 PM by Gene

If things are going so hunky-dory at THE WALL STREET JOURNALS ONLINE EDITION why is it offering free access for five days?

I'm sorry, after all these years walled off from the rest of the Web 701,000 subscribers doesn't sound that good -- and who knows how many already subscribe to THE JOURNALS in print.

Posted 1:12 PM by Gene

Now that the Chiefest of the Nine Fingers is being treated for cancer, will NEWS HACKS step up to the plate and knock a spitter over the fence for their LITMUS TE -- er, will they plead that WISE AND NOBLE PEOPLE be appointed Nine Fingers too?

Not that the EEEEEEEEEEEVIL other side lacks a litmus test; but with the Nine Fingers, it's just a question of WHOSE LITMUS TEST.

Posted 10:50 AM by Gene

Can The U.S. Stock Market Crash Again?

Sure -- so long as G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE stock goes up.

Posted 9:55 AM by Gene

Whether this is a “big story” of an October-Surprise variety is very debatable.

There goes THAT scoop, little.

Posted 9:27 AM by Gene

David Remnick can WRITE?!?!?

Under a PSEUDONYM.

PREDICTION: ANOTHER OVERRATED RAG GETS ANOTHER MAGAZINE AWARD.

Posted 9:25 AM by Gene

It must be that time of year again: AdAge honors ANOTHER GAWDAWFUL RAG as MAGAZINE OF THE YEAR.

Posted 6:52 AM by Gene

Here it is -- the story that little TIPPED POWER LINE on, the story these GUTSY BLOGGERS have stayed awake for two consecutive days and nights to follow, the story that will BRING DOWN DIPPITY-DO!!'s CAMPAIGN -- YES, here it is:

SECURITY COUNCIL MEMBERS DENY MEETING KERRY!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe he was asleep at the time. Or maybe THEY were asleep at the time. IT'S THE LEAGUE OF NATIONS. Does it matter?

I can see it now: little sitting sentinel at his computer, gulping down thirty-two cups of coffee and going to the bathroom every twenty minutes, banging on his keyboard and screaming into his monitor: "Story! STORY! Where's the story??? WHERE'S THE @%$^*! STORY??????????"

We need YOUR help to learn the DIP! tells TALL TALES, little, POWER? You're pretty good with your fables about Idi Amin and YASSIR, little.

P. S. And just how EARTH-SHATTERING is this report? Well, on the Washington Times' home page it's third down -- below "The Insider Politics Blog."

P. P. S. Why am I thinking Joel, the same guy who sat there credulously on THE 700 CLUB while REV. PAT suggested someone nuke Foggy Bottom, hint-hinted his story on to little?

Posted 6:46 AM by Gene

"Charlie Brooker apologises for any offence caused by his comments relating to President Bush in his TV column, Screen Burn. The views expressed in this column are not those of the Guardian. Although flippant and tasteless, his closing comments were intended as an ironic joke, not as a call to action - an intention he believed regular readers of his humorous column would understand. He deplores violence of any kind."

WHEW! Nobody fired.

Posted 6:30 AM by Gene

Aw SHUCKS, with a force of UNPARALLELED RIGHT atop the ticket, you'd think his coattails would be lengthening as he enters the White House, helped by our brilliant endorsement. But no -- "[House] Republicans have overwhelmed [their] challengers with the power of incumbency, superior fundraising skills and hard-edged ads focused on such hot-button issues as terrorism and same-sex marriage."

WE DEMAND A FEDERAL INVESTIGATION!

Posted 6:23 AM by Gene

Hmmm, has the GLIBERAL enticed his fellow hack Bob to imitate a stroke in the mirror for inspiration? Seems that way:

HOW DOES A PRESIDENT WIN RE-ELECTION WHEN ALL THE NEWS THE VOTERS ARE SEEING IS BAD?

I think it's the VRWC myself. Or maybe Sinclair Broadcasting! Let's have a federal investigation. (Oh, I forgot -- David Brock was pleased.) Or maybe it's a wily God? Better ask PINCH then, cause last you spoke to him he WAS God.

Posted 6:20 AM by Gene

Somebody's lobbying through OMERTA for a job:

Eisner With Charm?
Insiders see News Corp.'s Peter Chernin as an improved version of the man he could replace

Why not Hitler with charm? Or Stalin with charm? That's what media megatyrants are, even if they don't kill people.

Posted 6:17 AM by Gene

Singer Ashlee Simpson left the "live" out of "Saturday Night Live" this weekend in an aborted performance that culminated with the singer scrambling offstage after viewers heard her recorded voice -- singing the wrong song -- while her actual mouth stayed shut.

No doubt the funniest thing to happen on that show in decades.

Posted 4:37 PM by Gene

When POWER LINE (which is quickly challenging little and STERNO for LOUDEST, SMELLIEST MOUTH ON THE WEB), having gotten a TIP from Mr. SERAIT MORT, links to this site which links to this story which regales us in unfunny satire, somebody has lots of time on his hands, and what is more, greatly abuses the patience of his audience.

"THIS IS A JOKE!" they say. So are too many other blogs.

Posted 4:28 PM by Gene

Sen. "Courage" Mensa (Idiot-VT) says "PLEASE, PRETTY PLEASE RALPHIE BOY, DON'T RUN!"

I'm sure he'll listen to you -- just like REPUBLICANS.

Posted 1:57 PM by Gene

Anatomical and Public Policy Unlikelihood of the Week:

Spitzer's iron wrist shits to music industry

BEIJING, Oct. 24 (Xinhuanet) -- New York Attorney General Eliot Spitzer's office now shits their attention to the music industry, particularly its practices for influencing what songs are heard on the public airwaves.

Sorry for the word, but -- THINGS HAPPEN when you OUTSOURCE the NEWS.

Posted 1:54 PM by Gene

DARNIT LITTLE, every time you say ARAFAT's DYING, HE GETS BETTER!!!!!

Maybe if you just SHUT UP....

Posted 11:41 AM by Gene

Clinton Seen Helping Kerry Turn Out His Voters

Who's running for president?

Posted 11:21 AM by Gene

David Gelernter only hints at why Dubya draws huge crowds. (Shh! It's a media-state-police secret!) He looks like the common man, and if he is common in ways a president shouldn't be, the crowds don't seem to mind. Can you imagine DIPPITY-DO!! hugging a child? Te-RRRRRRRRRRRRAIT-TZA would say, "Go away, kid, you're bothering me."

Posted 9:12 AM by Gene

We were sick of this election twelve years ago.

Hey Mark! Why's your rag endorsing DIPPITY-DO!!!!!?

Posted 9:09 AM by Gene

The natural constituency for THE EDWARD R. MURROW OF COMEDY:

According to polls taken this year, nearly 65 percent of the public doesn't know that Congress has banned partial-birth abortion. Seventy percent is unaware that a massive drug benefit has been added to Medicare. At least 58 percent say they have heard "nothing" or "not much" about the Patriot Act, notwithstanding the enormous amount of coverage the controversial law has drawn.

This is not a new problem. As Cold War tensions bristled in 1964, only 38 percent of the public knew that the Soviet Union was not a member of NATO. In 1970, only 24 percent could identify the secretary of state. In 1996, The Washington Post reported that 67 percent of Americans couldn't name their congressman and 94 percent had no idea that William Rehnquist was the chief justice of the United States. Only 26 percent knew that senators serve six-year terms, and 73 percent didn't know that Medicare costs more than foreign aid.

TRANSLATION: The more things change....

P. S. I wonder -- in 1964, how many people got their news from Mad magazine and That Was the Week That Was? And in 1970 from Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In? Hmmm?

Posted 9:03 AM by Gene

Just as it's never too early for Christmas, it's never too early for RETAILING EXPERTS to gas about it either.

Posted 8:54 AM by Gene

We may wonder why magazines don't run endorsements. After all, didn't TIMEWARNER rag COURAGEOUSLY DEMAND NIXON'S RESIGNATION?!?!? (After having weasel-worded about Sen. McCarthy and become a campaign flack sheet for Ike.) Two years later, it brought HONESTY and INTEGRITY into the WHITE HOUSE by electing JIMMY CARTER. (I guess they knew several of their writers would serve in -- REPUBLICAN ADMINISTRATIONS, pffh-hh-hh.)

One thing: the companies that sell PAIN RELIEVERS and ANTI-ANXIETY DRUGS would be happy.

Posted 8:48 AM by Gene

Meantime the HACKS do what they do best: needlessly offend, and insincerely apologize.

Posted 8:45 AM by Gene

WELL well, guess who ST. WARREN OF BUFFETT's rag endorsed! Surprise, surprise!

If only ALL of America could think 62-38, like NEWS HACKS.

Posted 8:37 AM by Gene

Mr. Mark must be hard up for spin if he's putting a "FLU-SHOT FIASCO" on the COVER.