THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
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Saturday, April 05, 2008
Gordon Brown vows to attend Beijing Olympics despite boycotts
See? We're not the only country that does business!
See? We're not the only country that does business!
STUPID ADVERTISING BILLBOARD OF THE YEAR: Spotted today on a SEPTA bus:
what if i say i'm not like the others
--foo fighters 2007
radio 104.5
I'D SAY YOU'RE LYING, LOWSY MAYS.
what if i say i'm not like the others
--foo fighters 2007
radio 104.5
I'D SAY YOU'RE LYING, LOWSY MAYS.
Skybus is pulling the plug less than two weeks after CEO Bill Diffenderffer resigned to pursue a book-writing career.
That would seem a more profitable venture.
That would seem a more profitable venture.
We had not commented on the Clinton Mint because there was little to say, but here it is: no one wishes a return to the day when Ulysses Grant, scorned, broke, and dying of cancer, hastily scribbled his memoirs for Mark Twain just to pay debts. Happily they were not only among the best sellers of all time, but a literary masterpiece. On the other hand Slick and his ex' -- er, SENATOR's largesse reflects a crass age. Certainly this vaudeville act has nothing worth saying other than what a pompous egomaniacal CEO can show off the next day to unfortunate subordinates. Whether Mr. Dyslexia can repeat Slick's Guinness Book performance remains to be seen, but he has a decided edge: not one word will have to be his.
A Civil Rights Era Slowly Fades
Many of the groups that worked alongside Martin Luther King, Jr., are now struggling to stay alive.
We can see why your typical news hack would consider this bad news. We consider it good news; it means the organizations that were so necessary to break down race barriers aren't necessary anymore, as the barriers are broken down. But this would be bad news to those organizations, which have turned to such divisive issues as affirmative action to keep their donations going. This however is more good news for the hacks, as they never met race-baiters they didn't like.
Our hacks will not be satisfied until America splits into a million little groups, every one at perpetual war with another. And if they think it can sell newspapers -- what Web have they been perusing?
Friday, April 04, 2008
We've said it before, we'll say it again: Good movies deserve good critics: James Agee, Bosley Crowther, even Pauline Kael on her best days. Bad movies deserve bad critics, or preferably none at all. The alleged collapse of newspaper ad-blurbing speaks as much to the collapse of movies. While it may spare us some of the worst of the adjective spewing -- it does seem to have held Dick "GUNS CAUSED COLUMBINE!!!!!" Corliss in check -- it will also spare us good movies. But bringing back good criticism won't bring back an art form that is near death from so many other causes, not the least of which being a past surfeit of rotten reviewing.
And here is one unintended example why movie ad-blurbing SHOULD collapse:
Over the years, critics helped audiences appreciate the likes of Orson Welles' "Citizen Kane," Alfred Hitchcock's "Psycho," Stanley Kubrick's "2001: A Space Odyssey," Arthur Penn's "Bonnie and Clyde," Bernardo Bertolucci's "Last Tango in Paris," Brian De Palma's "Dressed to Kill," Robert Altman's "The Player," the Coens' "No Country for Old Men" and Paul Thomas Anderson's "There Will Be Blood."
In short, it is hopelessly self-congratulatory and self-referential. In short, and also we have said before, it is masturbation with words.
(Via the usual ArtsJournal)
And here is one unintended example why movie ad-blurbing SHOULD collapse:
Over the years, critics helped audiences appreciate the likes of Orson Welles' "Citizen Kane," Alfred Hitchcock's "Psycho," Stanley Kubrick's "2001: A Space Odyssey," Arthur Penn's "Bonnie and Clyde," Bernardo Bertolucci's "Last Tango in Paris," Brian De Palma's "Dressed to Kill," Robert Altman's "The Player," the Coens' "No Country for Old Men" and Paul Thomas Anderson's "There Will Be Blood."
In short, it is hopelessly self-congratulatory and self-referential. In short, and also we have said before, it is masturbation with words.
(Via the usual ArtsJournal)
Voluptuous and fat straddle a very fine line, and this much publicized British beauty pageant contestant straddles it a little uncomfortably. Above the bikini top she's quite comely; but the vast middle below suggests too many women who spend too many evenings before the telly eating their junk food. That said, the line between voluptuous and anorexic is quite a wide one, and it would not hurt to see more would-be movie stars sporting a few curves, even at the risk of a little chicken fat.
(Via ESPNCORPNetworkNews.com)
In one of his odder comments about relations with NATO, he told reporters: “Let’s be friends, guys, and be frank and open.”
Yes, it is odd when a man who intends to rule Russia for the rest of his life can say that.
Yes, it is odd when a man who intends to rule Russia for the rest of his life can say that.
Right Now, We Need Liberals (TNR home-page link)
Yes, we need liberals. We need liberals of the FDR-Truman school. We need liberals who will stand up for the country. We need liberals for a strong defense. We need liberals who'll fight crime. We need liberals for the little guy. We need liberals who understand the sanctity of life. We need liberals who'll uphold true equality.
Right now, we need liberals. There don't seem to be very many of that kind of liberal.
Yes, we need liberals. We need liberals of the FDR-Truman school. We need liberals who will stand up for the country. We need liberals for a strong defense. We need liberals who'll fight crime. We need liberals for the little guy. We need liberals who understand the sanctity of life. We need liberals who'll uphold true equality.
Right now, we need liberals. There don't seem to be very many of that kind of liberal.
House Republican leader John Boehner argues that political pundits are wrong and that his party will pick up seats in the House in the 2008 election and might even regain the majority it lost in November 2006.
Since when has Mars had a GOP?
Since when has Mars had a GOP?
Lately the wishy-washy knee-jerk-leftist sanctimonious churches in name only have been muttering about disinvestment from Israel. If only there were some multi-billionaire who'd call their bluff. He could buy stocks in the disinvested companies in exact proportion to what these centers of Kumbaya would sell, and put them all in a fund whose profits could be reinvested in Israel. We have another suggestion: that said organization start a campaign to get people to disinvest in precisely those companies in whom the marshmallows are still invested -- and possibly also to boycott what few going businesses they own; to be sure, those are probably just "religious" publishers. But these bozos should learn their disinvestments can cut both ways.
(Sorry for the FRONTPAGE!!!!!)
(Sorry for the FRONTPAGE!!!!!)
Whether or not news hacks intend it -- and given their superiority to their readers we think they do intend it -- it is easy for them to turn well-meaning tributes into hectoring, or national lectures, just by virtue of their sheer monumental inescapability, which certainly does not explain why the the hacks' public esteem has sunk so low someone may have to invent new occupations for it to rank behind.
The other day there was a lot of excitement over GE BANCORP NETWORK's new schedule -- principally because the network was planning to produce a lot more "ADULT" SHOWS!!!!!, but also because it had engineered a sixty-week schedule, or something like that. But AdAge says it's putting on only "four new shows" in the fall, which makes us wonder whether this stunt was just so much hocus-pocus. That's okay -- it doesn't take much magic-wand waving to get THE AMERICAN SOCIETY OF WILLFULLY IGNORANT ADVERTISRS to part with OUR money.
Had we not been so discouraged by the two hits a day we're now getting we might have commented on a few stories -- starting with this one. This evil plot -- and the fact that evil seems like a cliché word used exclusively in tentpoles and graphical novels gives a sense of how diminished that word is -- shows that no matter how you slice it or dice it or parse it, we will have Islamism to worry about for a long time, and though we should not treat holy cockroaches as the Supermen of the underworld, and thus puff them up in their invincibility, they have the capacity and the patience to get more evil.
Terry "HERR DOKTOR SONDHEIM!!!!!" Teachout to the contrary, South Pacific may be the best musical ever. That a CRITICALLY-ACCLAIMED revival has just opened in Branson East, the first big Big Apple production in 41 years (this counts the Lincoln Center version of 1967), means nothing. It might have meant something when people followed musicals, when musicals were central to our culture, when the culture was far better at making popular things that were good. But with the musical an irrelevance, with all this revival's stars virtually unknown, with theater being a snooze to most people, even if it can run for YEARS AND YEARS, so did THE GREATEST MUSICAL EVER!!!!!, and it, like Tara, is gone with the wind.
And some idiots are making another musical of that too.
And some idiots are making another musical of that too.
A key adviser to Senator Obama’s campaign is recommending in a confidential paper that America keep between 60,000 and 80,000 troops in Iraq as of late 2010, a plan at odds with the public pledge of the Illinois senator to withdraw combat forces from Iraq within 16 months of taking office.
I THINK SOMEBODY'S RUNNING FOR -- never mind.
I THINK SOMEBODY'S RUNNING FOR -- never mind.
Thursday, April 03, 2008
Critics of Live Nation, which lost nearly $12 million last year, predict that it would be difficult to turn a profit on the arrangement, given the continuing decline in record sales and the mixed track record of artist-run ventures. (Fifteenth of twenty-three grafs)
You have to wonder if the...SOUND biz (we refuse to call it the music biz) has found a new way to lose money. The sports racket can get away with it because it has numerous revenue streams; taxpayers, easily-bribed legisla-TORS, social-climbing showboating CEOs of the sponsors. The SOUND biz has no such advantages. Further, as the dimwit ER lets loose, there may not be that many people willing to pay no-talents thousands a ticket. It is unwise to bet against the megalomaniacs of the arena; but it mightn't be wise to bet on them either.
You have to wonder if the...SOUND biz (we refuse to call it the music biz) has found a new way to lose money. The sports racket can get away with it because it has numerous revenue streams; taxpayers, easily-bribed legisla-TORS, social-climbing showboating CEOs of the sponsors. The SOUND biz has no such advantages. Further, as the dimwit ER lets loose, there may not be that many people willing to pay no-talents thousands a ticket. It is unwise to bet against the megalomaniacs of the arena; but it mightn't be wise to bet on them either.
I have not posted in two days because 1. I'm tired of single-digit hits, 2. There hasn't been anything worth posting on, and 3. I've had nothing to say. My sense of futility is beyond words, and a blog is nothing without words. Where would we be if we weren't swarming ourselves under with words? I suspect better off. Oh well, onward to more futility.
Monday, March 31, 2008
And as everyone in the geographically (and otherwise) narrow confines of Branson East knows, Thursday saw The Second Coming at the St. James Theater. What was supremely vexing about this is that some time ago when a big hot new show opened the nation knew it; the cast album sold millions, and it made the cover of Time. Now the Lord returns as His daughter Mama Rose and no one who isn't Ben Brantley or a show queen notices. Of course the unanimous raves alone arouse suspicion. And what ought to be a rollicking musical becomes a penance because the ad-blurbists believe a property isn't GREAT unless the audience suffers. Now Little Jeremy, whom we've never had much love for since SUPERADAM!!!!! fired John Simon because he was too old and hated David "Con-SER-va-tive" Mamet, admits to a little skepticism, something you will never see in the fundamentalist churches of pop culture. We know from their recent global warming controversy that even the Southern Baptists aren't as unanimous as ad-blurbists. And when everyone takes the RIGHT side of the pop-culture debate, the culture suffers.
We would further note that the Lord made His first appearance at said same theater seven years ago, and He looked like Mel Brooks. Either God has changed sexes or Ben Brantley, as usual, doesn't know what he's talking about, and doesn't know very effortlessly.
We would further note that the Lord made His first appearance at said same theater seven years ago, and He looked like Mel Brooks. Either God has changed sexes or Ben Brantley, as usual, doesn't know what he's talking about, and doesn't know very effortlessly.
The sad, very sad, extremely sad, infinitely sad story of how Zeitgeist has offered 111 staffers buyouts touches us deeply. Especially the talk of -- "institutional memory." Why, who knew the rag that ran the Hitler Diaries and the Koran in the toilet had a memory? We thought it had amnesia -- and a pretty good case too. (Insititutional memory is a neat excuse legisla-TORS use when they don't want to lose their jobs en masse.) That said, first off, we doubt most readers will notice their absence -- until the rag gets skinnier, and that's only because the rag has fewer staffers. Second off, this confirms news rags (save for The Econowiz, which was saved by the Bugmeister) are irrelevant and purposeless, and the sooner their smug glibness vanishes the better. Alas, most of the high-paid CW writers will still be there...including (we suspect) the EXTREMELY BELOVED DAVID ANSEN, who, if we had to guess, was the source for this piece. But that's just a guess.
(Via MediaBistro)
(Via MediaBistro)
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Speaking of which, we wish we'd caught this before: Chris of TNRO reviewed a movie -- just from the trailer -- and the trailer was pret-ty bad...and when he followed up he found the movie was worse than the trailer!
Here in the proverbial nutshell is why we can't trust most ad-blurbists, and why we don't need movies. Trailers would seem to do.
Here in the proverbial nutshell is why we can't trust most ad-blurbists, and why we don't need movies. Trailers would seem to do.
Good: Hollywood's two ac-TORS' unions are split on how to handle negotiations!
Strike! STRIKE! Strike as long and hard and painfully as the Fantasy and Profanity League! Strike long and hard and painfully enough to ruin the business!
Strike! STRIKE! Strike as long and hard and painfully as the Fantasy and Profanity League! Strike long and hard and painfully enough to ruin the business!
We wonder what keeps a guy like Al Jaffee going. In 1964, when he started the famed Mad Fold-In, the magazine was adored by millions, a veritable fount of sarcasm at the powers that be, a needed raspberry against bigmedia. Today it is but one small crumb of PEOPLE WARNER, read by a few desperate souls searching impatiently for a sense of humor, tainted with ADS, all but ignored, as once vital, now useless organizations deserve to be. Yet Al Jaffee keeps going. We salute him for 44 years of fold-ins, and for being part of a glory that now exists only in the minds of comic-book collectors.
Speaking of tyrants, it is hard to believe the Zimbabweans who saw the eternal reason of Robert Mugabe swept into power umpteen years ago on a wave of League of Nations righteousness and news-hack self-celebration are on the verge of heaving the regime out of office, which says that, however much the League of Nations and news hacks may hector the world, the world sometimes still gets things right.
Let us hope that, unlike what often happens in Africa, they're not merely about to replace one kind of megalomaniacal corruption with another.
Let us hope that, unlike what often happens in Africa, they're not merely about to replace one kind of megalomaniacal corruption with another.
Washington's New Pakistan Problem
...is the same as Washington's old Pakistan problem, only different.
...is the same as Washington's old Pakistan problem, only different.
MB2, who no doubt has a luxury suite at the new DC ballpark and certainly helped plug the Dynamic (Steroidal) Duo of '98, is back with another belch about baseball, which makes us think how we could ever do without him.
Easily.
Meantime an alleged 115,300 saw a game at the LALA Coliseum, and between that and the bricks and mortar at Yankee Stadium and Shea Stadium going for trillions we wonder Zelig gets any sleep. Well, we will -- at World Series time, when we avoid another one.
Easily.
Meantime an alleged 115,300 saw a game at the LALA Coliseum, and between that and the bricks and mortar at Yankee Stadium and Shea Stadium going for trillions we wonder Zelig gets any sleep. Well, we will -- at World Series time, when we avoid another one.