Posted 7:46 PM by Gene

A seven-length winner in the YUM! Stakes!

I guess IT won't have to worry about becoming horsemeat.

Posted 7:36 PM by Gene

And in other empire-building news:

Toll Bros. says orders down 32%

While this is quite pleasing (except to the blameless carpenters and electricians and plumbers who put up its McMansions) we cannot underestimate the perfidy of the REALTOR® biz, as it continues to build housing exclusively for the rich, and provide fodder for idiot speculators, and make as much of America as it can unaffordable and uninhabitable.

Posted 7:08 PM by Gene

Today saw the annual Walnut Street Pain-in-the-A-Double-Scribble Street Festival. Does anyone other than the mayor's PR staff and few businessmen really benefit from these? It's a bunch of people walking and being bored. An extra added attraction was a fight between some Chicago® impersonators and the public pop-rock station WXPN to see who could be more excruciatingly loud. I bought some Chinese food from the restaurant that was better the last time I did it. The girl watching was a little better this year, but that hobby is as profitable as an all-thumbs man building furniture. A oui-oui boutique set up a stand and did what I think was body make-up on several barely-clad women, including someone who vaguely reminded me of Celeste Holm and was quite prominently endowed. I walked away but my eyes wouldn't. When I returned a few hours later they were merely doing make-up.

On a detour to find the City Institute library unexpectedly open I stumbled across Terry Teachout's Commentary article on that superb jazzman "Fats" Waller. Teachout gets a little pretentious writing about pop music, especially people who were in their time considered mere entertainers; but that we more than listen to Fats, we venerate him, a man who died almost 63 years ago, shows the wealth of his culture, and the poverty of ours.

Speaking of -- well, I'm sure I couldn't call it MUSIC, on a trip down to my local A & P (SUPER FRESH!) I passed a park named for the creator of some spectacularly ugly architecture, which had a street festival of its own (well, the weather was nice) and where A CHEAP CHANNEL AUTOMATIC AD PLAYBACK MACHINE was having a contest. I can only hope whenever Fats hears the yowls of our no-talents he can drown them out with deafening blasts on his heavenly pipe organ, which can translate on earth into thunderbolts to zap CHEAP CHANNEL's transmitters.

Posted 2:11 PM by Gene

DUBYA SPEAKS FOR THE AGES AT OKLAHOMA STATE:

"My advice: Harness the promise of technology without becoming slaves to technology. My advice is that science serves the cause of humanity and not the other way around," the president said.

After the speech, some graduates said they couldn't make out clearly what Bush said because of an echo in the audio system at Boone Pickens Stadium.

Since when has BUGMEISTER BILL been in the sound biz?

P. S. Boone! Time to "donate" another $165 million?

Posted 1:27 PM by Gene

Judging from these numbers MMMMMMMMMM-IIIIIIIIII-THREEEEEEEEEE may not be doing as well as expected. It's a measure of the news hacks' stupidity that we should say a film that drew roughly two million movie S&M phreaks its first day is not doing well, but such is our culture's stupidity that we center our lives around every CGI fest and its gross. And we know these are overblown mediocrities at best; Mr. Upthumb, in an exceedingly rare display of candor, said so.

Three more things: people are screaming from the other movies in droves; the B.O. is down over 12 percent from two years ago, when WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!!!!! THE JESUS SLASHER MOVIE had stopped whapping; and no, people don't want to relive 9/11 in a popcorn restaurant.

P. S. Indeed -- THE SON OF GOD pulled in less biz than VAN HOSING -- at MORE POPCORN RESTAURANTS?!?!?

Posted 9:36 AM by Gene

ST. WARREN sees HEAVEN -- and He's HEADED TO THE PROMISED LAND!

Posted 9:31 AM by Gene

Why am I thinking if Dubya had his way he'd appoint a general to every cabinet post?

Posted 9:26 AM by Gene

THE DONALD issues another PRESS RELEASE!

It's "unfounded speculation" like this that makes us wish all these REALTORS® would get their comeuppance, but if they did, they wouldn't get hurt. Guess who would.

Posted 5:14 PM by Gene

ANOTHER NEWS-HACK DANCING-IN-THE-STREETS FRENZY:

WIE MAKES CUT AT MEN'S EVENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
...in South Korea.

Posted 3:10 PM by Gene

Surprise: Pat Kennedy's entering drug rehab.

With justice he will leave office.

Posted 2:30 PM by Gene

Obviously all the infighting and leaking were too much for Porter. Now does he get to lobby too?

Posted 1:33 PM by Gene

If the PORNO BIZ is doing $850 kazillion megatrillion dollars why did PLAYBOY hit a 52-week low?

(Via IWantMedia.com)

Posted 12:31 PM by Gene

Okay, TNR, we'll agree we should send in our soldiers into harm's way for humanitarian reasons -- provided you liberals agree we should send our soldiers into harm's way for MILITARY reasons.

Posted 10:20 AM by Gene

Surprise: BIGOIL's having trouble drilling because lots of petty tyrants are popping up.

Don't you just feel sorry for BIGOIL?

Posted 10:13 AM by Gene

Ronny McD's changing his last name to STARBUCKS and has set the franchisees on edge.

Don't they realize bringing more customers into the stores means more money the Mick can spend on crappy television and THE GAMES, which is its real business in life?



I want to see how long those plush furnishings hold up under thousands of children and poor people.

Posted 9:54 AM by Gene

RAH! RAH! RAH! SIS! BOOM! BAH! HOLLYWOOD! HOLLYWOOD! RAH! RAH! RAH!

YaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY TEAM!!!!!!!!!!

A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO MARTY!!!!! RAH!

Posted 9:50 AM by Gene

In our other Joke of the Day, NRO is exercised because DVC!!!!! might lead to an outbreak of -- ANTI-SEMITISM!!!!!

I guess it all depends on which side our ANTI-SEMITE is on.

Posted 9:45 AM by Gene

So -- Pat Kennedy gets away with driving under some sort of influence.

Being a Kennedy is like flashing an AmEx Platinum Card: it disperses the cops -- for a little while.

Posted 3:24 PM by Gene

John Daly's "book" is 18 on Amazon.com!

He and the Serial Plagiarist teach us a lesson: you don't have to write to write a book.

Posted 3:01 PM by Gene

Yep, it's that time of year when THE AMERICAN SOCIETY OF WILLFULLY IGNORANT ADVERTISERS complains about the mess it helps leave on television! Here we go: Cable now has more "clutter" than broadcast! ABC has the most clutter! FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! has the most commercial minutes! And MTV leads the cable networks in clutter!

Great job, ASWIA! Keep up the good work! We know you will!

P. S. Excuse of the Week:

Even though TV is less cluttered than print and online, viewers believe TV has too much advertising, according to MindShare's research.

You don't need TiVo to read a newspaper.

Posted 2:01 PM by Gene

THE TWO "GIUSEPPES": Unlike the quivering Jell-O at piles of technology like G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE, the Pope has taken a bold and courageous stand against the Chinese government. The Holy See appoints bishops, not the technocrats of Beijing.

(Via -- alas -- AMERICA'S NO. 1 SOUTH PARK FAN)

Posted 1:42 PM by Gene

The Big Upraised Thumb commits...

Either you want to see mindless action and computer-generated sequences executed with breakneck speed and technical precision, or you do not. I am getting to the point where I don't much care. There is a theory that action is exciting and dialogue is boring. My theory is that variety is exciting and sameness is boring. Modern high-tech action sequences are just the same damn thing over and over again: high-speed chases, desperate gun battles, all possible modes of transportation, falls from high places, deadly deadlines, exotic locations and characters who hardly ever say anything interesting.

...HERESY!!!!!

(Via ShowBizData.com)

Posted 12:13 PM by Gene

Pop-culTYURE NOOZ of the Day:

David Hasselhoff to Play Hook in London Peter Pan

Posted 12:04 PM by Gene

Crude falls under $70 for the first time in three weeks

I know what did it -- it was PASSING THAT LEGISLATION!!!!!

Pffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft!!!!!

Posted 11:59 AM by Gene

When in the God's name is LucasCorp going to go PUBLIC?

• In Star Wars, Han Solo shoots a bounty hunter named Greedo. Lucas changed the scene later so it seemed that Greedo draws first, and changed it again for the DVD so that they appear to shoot simultaneously.

We think we understand why.

Posted 11:57 AM by Gene

6 charged with fraud in Big Dig contract
They worked for Aggregate Industries....

Indeed.

(From Boston.com's home page)

Posted 9:59 AM by Gene

Oops! The foxy Fox changes his mind and decides he doesn't want a Spanish Netherlands.

Dopes will have to wait for another day.

Posted 9:53 AM by Gene

OH oh:

Gillette Acquisition May Be Hurting P&G

Perhaps trying to finance all the world's junk television is NOT such a good idea.

Posted 9:46 AM by Gene

Why Sudan But Not Iraq?

Why Iraq but not Sudan?

Why must our intervention in foreign quagmires always be dictated by RIGHT and LEFT?

And no, I'm not fond of the SCAB PICKER either.

Posted 9:23 AM by Gene

For a moment, Richard Cohen's brain sputters brightly ON:

On television, Colbert is often funny. [Well, there's no accounting for tastes. --ED.] But on his own show he appeals to a self-selected audience that reminds him often of his greatness. In Washington he was playing to a different crowd, and he failed dismally in the funny person's most solemn obligation: to use absurdity or contrast or hyperbole to elucidate -- to make people see things a little bit differently. He had a chance to tell the president and much of important (and self-important) Washington things it would have been good for them to hear. But he was, like much of the blogosphere itself, telling like-minded people what they already know and alienating all the others. In this sense, he was a man for our times.

He also wasn't funny.

Now may we finally put THAT DINNER to rest?

(Via the ineffable ROMY)

Posted 6:45 AM by Gene

The dimwitted House sluts pass a piece of -- "ETHICS" legislation, meaning crookery as usual.

TERM LIMITS NOW!

Posted 6:35 AM by Gene

Mr. My Business is My Business, part of the right-wing division of the herd of independent jernalistic minds, confirms in his busy typing, and especially in his last graf...

Small wonder that a conservative wit has surmised that the wisdom of economists varies inversely with their heights. Milton Friedman, 93, is 5 feet tall.

...what I said a few days ago: John Kenneth Galbraith and Milton Friedman are all-purpose all-seers who tell only the truths you want to hear. Galbraith told the truth of socialism and state control; Friedman tells the truth of greed and moral laissez faire. Their acolytes swoon to their respective truths. The rest of us just swoon.

Posted 5:46 PM by Gene

The dimwitted House sluts pass a show-offy piece of -- LEGISLATION under which not one person will ever be charged for gasoline price gouging.

Posted 5:15 PM by Gene

Vaughn Ververs will make the SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS mad by likening blogging to the cable-news channels. But what is blogging as currently practiced by its most prominent partisans but a lot of screaming?

(Via the usual ROMY)

Posted 5:10 PM by Gene

Both political demagogueries have a vested interest in mucking up the environment debate. Between the TWXSTERS and their PC scaremongering and con-SER-va-tives and their industry shilling you can't believe anybody.

Posted 5:07 PM by Gene

It's just as well; Al-Qaeda doesn't get another glorious martyr.

Posted 3:27 PM by Gene

Looks as if a certain labor pool south of the border decided to decriminalize far more than anyone thought.

If Mexico wants to be the drug capital of the world, fine. But if all those zillions parading for amnesty wonder why they aren't getting it, they should look homeward.

Posted 11:36 AM by Gene

John Daly's "book" is 23 on Amazon.com!

Making another trip to Vegas soon, Boom-Boom-Boom?

Posted 11:21 AM by Gene

In a BOLD MOVE, Ford Motor announced it's sponsoring a reality-TV show in which the contestants help design its cars.

Posted 11:16 AM by Gene

It's official: spelling bees have become sporting events, with all the greed and marketing attendant thereto.

Posted 10:56 AM by Gene

The question is not IF we'll have three big overbearing tone-deaf record companies, it's WHEN.

In a statement released early this morning, EMI said Warner Music had rejected it's proposal....

[SIC!]

Posted 10:50 AM by Gene

We are sorry to hear the TWXSTER who headed the arthouse unit that distributed the penguin weepie that upset lots of people and THE KNIGHTING OF ST. EDWARD OF MURROW has resigned, presumably because he thought such genius earned him a better paycheck.

Posted 8:33 AM by Gene

OOOOOOOOOOooooooooooh, Dave at AmSpec got MAD:

"I would rather have a clean government than one where, quote, First Amendment rights are being respected, that has become corrupt. If I had my choice, I’d rather have the clean government."

That, my friends, is why John McCain shouldn't be president, in principle. And why he may not make it, practically. This quote will come back to haunt him.

Okay Dave, we don't trust BOOBS McKEATING either. So here's a suggestion: How about 535 Duke Cunninghams in Congress, for starters? And how about thousands of Dukes in government agencies? And how about a Duke in the White House?

Just a suggestion. Too many of your ilk would take it.

Posted 6:46 AM by Gene

OH, NO! The WaPost has put that annoying CRUNCHY CON term on its home page -- and the LIBERAL who goes along with it!

Posted 6:44 AM by Gene

Just as it proposed giving hundred-dollar bills to everyone for no good reason, now the SENILE CHAMBER may allow an amnesty for no good reason.

Posted 6:41 AM by Gene

I confess to be of two minds about something like this. On the one hand sodas should probably never have been sold in schools in the first place; they certainly weren't at my elementary school. On the other hand the SLICK imprimatur means this is PC to the NTH, and will liberals please explain why we should have no sodas in schools while allowing unlimited abortions?

Posted 6:37 AM by Gene

Meantime the PINHEADS are getting exercised over who'll be the new editor of the leading pile of weekly spin-and-sell that reception tables everywhere read, and The Wall Street Journals are trying to spiffy up their bottom line by putting an ad on the front page, obstinately refusing to do the one thing that might bring in the revenues -- MAKE THEIR WEB SITE FREE.

Posted 6:35 AM by Gene

WE MAY NEVER BE THROUGH WITH THAT @#$%&* DEBATE ABOUT THAT @#$%&* DINNER IN THAT @#$%&* CAPITOL!

How often in their lifetime did Washington or Lincoln hear the word "IRONIC"?

Posted 5:36 PM by Gene

Buggy Bill's vista may recede a few more months.

That's okay; it'll give his writers more time to assemble SP1.

Posted 5:13 PM by Gene

Speaking of power, The power of RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and the Web:

NEWHALL Hart High School is on alert today and half the students stayed home after a ``bring your weapons to school day'' posting on the popular MySpace.com web site, school officials said.

Posted 4:57 PM by Gene

It would be CW to call Steve Jobs the most powerful person in show-biz, but a man who can keep record companies from raising their prices must have muscles.

Posted 4:51 PM by Gene

Sen. Fatso Glub-Glub thinks THE ANTHEM should be sung in ENGLISH?

¡No comprende!

Posted 2:26 PM by Gene

I'M SICK OF YOU SNOBBY WEALTHY SCRIBBLERS YAK-YAK-YAKKING ABOUT YOUR @#$%&* DINNER!!!!!

(VIA ROMY, WHOM I'M GETTING TIRED OF ALSO)

Posted 12:16 PM by Gene

Saudi minister says oil prices too high

Pffh-hh-hh hh hh hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 9:50 AM by Gene

Italy's leader becomes a media tycoon again.

Why did he trade power for office?

Posted 9:09 AM by Gene

"Insight" and "Ben Brantley" are two terms that seldom go together, but we must confess he's hit the nail about musicals. People want to laugh, they want to be enchanted, they want melodic tunes and bright lyrics -- and what they get is "at best...a festive entree at a high-end suburban dinner theater." But this is, after all, Branson East, a chain of high-end suburban dinner theaters in Manhattan, and Branson East exists not to enchant people, but to gouge them.

Posted 9:01 AM by Gene

Condi "Silent Diplomacy" Rice, why are we still incinerating our billions in Egypt?

Posted 8:59 AM by Gene

Lifestyles of the Rich and Sated:

[I]n January 2001, for his wife's birthday, he spent $200,000 to charter a boat called Amnesia.

"I remember an Amnesia," Lay said, to the laughter of some jurors. "I think it was appropriately named."

Yes, Ken, we sure would like to forget about YOU.

Posted 8:51 AM by Gene

"The word 'arrested,' this is semantics," the conservative commentator said of his booking Friday. "This was all arranged in advance. I was voluntarily processed."

The word "druggie," this is semantics. I was merely taking PAIN RELIEVERS.



Hey ya like my snazzy smile?

Posted 7:07 AM by Gene

Lawmakers deal with voter anger over 'pork' Panel received 21,863 earmark requests from representatives, down from 34,687.

Am I supposed to be impressed? That's still over 50 per Congressional district!

Posted 6:55 AM by Gene

The Secret Service has agreed to turn over White House visitor logs that will show how often convicted lobbyist Jack Abramoff met with Bush administration officials — and with whom he met.

We'll be counting!

Posted 6:53 AM by Gene

If the Lord God had given us $60 million we think we'd find better places to put it than in the gaping, all-consuming maw of gambling, but no one ever said John Daly was intelligent.

Then again, his RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!-printed "book" is now up to 75 on Amazon.com, so maybe he isn't so stupid to gamble.

Posted 6:52 AM by Gene

Run for your lives! There's a serial plagiarist on the loose!

Posted 6:43 PM by Gene

Iran denounced the United States on Monday for contemplating possible nuclear strikes against Iranian targets and urged the United Nations to take urgent action against what it called a dangerous violation of international law.

Ten thousand Rudy Vallees would have trouble when CURLEY's [Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!] STOOGES become THE WORLD'S BIGGEST MEGAPHONE.

In a letter to U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan obtained by The Associated Press....

THE LEAGUE OF NATIONS AGREES!

Posted 6:07 PM by Gene

While PREENING IDIOTS like THE ERIC SEVAREID OF COMEDY create a strong toxic stench across the land, let us remember the unknown who persevere through catastrophes like terminal cancer, and who can live each day with bravery and strength, qualities missing from ERIC and the people he hectored.

Posted 5:49 PM by Gene

Jake of Stale.com may edit PEOPLE NEWSRAG!

ONNNNNNNNN-WARRRRRRRRRRRRD LIIIIIIIIBERALLLLLLLL SOLLLLLLLLLLLLLDIERRRRRRRRRRRRRS....

(Via the usual Romy, who was very excited too)

Posted 5:35 PM by Gene

Do-it-yourself house design didn't help G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE.

Posted 5:33 PM by Gene

Wow! Miss MoneyPenny of the Big C MOVES THE MARKETS!

You feeling misunderstood, Ben? Talk like THE WIZARD.

Posted 5:31 PM by Gene

If Congress gets into funding local projects, there will be no end to it, and it might be "productive of evil."

So warned President James Monroe in 1822.

Somewhere James Monroe is shaking his head -- and grimacing.

Posted 5:27 PM by Gene

Science Panel Report Says Physics in U.S. Faces Crisis

Not another science gap?

Posted 5:26 PM by Gene

Eulogy for a studio:

"People reacted to 'Tomcats' with derision, saying, 'You had creative freedom and this is what you made?'..."

Yes, this is what THE CONSPIRACY makes.

Posted 5:19 PM by Gene

Prior to United's release, studio tracking surveys showed a high percentage of movie patrons were "definitely not interested" in seeing it.

$11.5 million divided by, oh, $9 a ticket is about 1.3 million people. Out of 300 million I'd say that's on the mark.

Some analysts were unimpressed, however, pointing out that the film had received a ton of free publicity and positive reviews and as a result ought to have performed better than it did.

We've said it before, we'll say it again: a ton of free publicity and positive reviews are nothing with a biz whose specialty is junk.

How many people does it take to write a press release?

Posted 5:10 PM by Gene

NRO has a KUDLOW MOMENT! It cluttered up its site so it could sell more ads. We can't blame them, but who in his right mind would want to spend money on THE CORNER?

Time for THE PLANK!

Posted 5:07 PM by Gene

So the Bodacious Airhead got the Nine Fingers to agree with her. So what? It's simply a matter of venues -- and the lunatical NINTH CIRCUIT.

Now let's see if the golddigger wins.

Posted 5:05 PM by Gene

I was too busy today to notice that but for WaPost I wouldn't get any hits. Well, at least I can get them from somebody. Now why can't other news Web sites be similarly enlightened and open themselves up to blog posts?

Technorati, though, is even more arbitrary and capricious than G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE. A deal in the offing?

Posted 6:52 AM by Gene

Well might the Napoleon of jurisprudence and the Sheridan of [C]RAP look "sheepish." The Beltway specializes in compromising positions, all the more so when the people involved are so easily compromised.

Posted 7:05 PM by Gene

Pakistan Frees Senior Nuclear Scientist

Next stop -- Tehran?

Where are the holy truth tellers on this one? Debating how many of the ERIC SEVAREID OF COMEDY's platitudes can fit on the head of a pin?

Posted 7:00 PM by Gene

As the masses of the perpetually stupefied movie S&M phreaks are about to launch a blizzard of their money into Hollywood's streets we should not feel too hopeful, but that a heavily publicized piece of rot like this has been more-or-less squooshed at the B. O. gives us a slight tremor of thankfulness.

Posted 6:58 PM by Gene

Is John Danforth running for something? President of BIGMEDIA, perhaps?

Posted 6:23 PM by Gene

The Professor may have thought he was being cute, but his link to a local newpaper video of a burlesque show underlines why surfing the Web is becoming increasingly exasperating. It is hard enough to know what is worth your time and what isn't, and most video blogging isn't. Certainly this one wasn't; the ladies were pudgy and Minnelli-ish and they couldn't sing, and the bad video values added to the headache. I'd just come across an obvious LALATimes interactive show about that area's real estate, and both productions confirm again that words far more efficiently communicate than terabytes of bandwidth.

And to top it off there is an extremely annoying Lincoln-Douglas going on about THE ERIC SEVAREID OF COMEDY and his truth-telling last night. If this malarkey constitutes news and debate we should all throw our computers out the window.

But then it doesn't help my mood that no one seems to notice my blog, and that I'm doomed to be on the outside looking in.

Posted 4:12 PM by Gene

Between that OP-ED piece and all those ex-general friends yapping we'd say COLIN's trying to stage a PALACE COUP!

Wrong country, Col!

Posted 4:07 PM by Gene

I repeat what I said some time ago: It's not Y because that's "ageist," and it's not C because that's an establishment of religion, and it can't be W anymore because we're letting men into the leadership ranks, so why not call it what it deserves to be called -- the A?

Posted 4:03 PM by Gene

Today out of sheer boredom I downloaded something called "Learning Essentials for Microsoft Office." It is everything you'd suspect it would be: lots of templates, lots of very cute looking cover pages, lots of stupid suggestions for clueless teachers, lots of tie-ins to BUGMEISTER BILL's friends, and a generous dose of sales pitches for Encarta premium content. In short, it is a "technology-rich" pile of garbage, and may help explain why kids are having trouble learning and the BUGMEISTER's stock had its worst day in six years last week.

I uninstalled the software.

Posted 1:46 PM by Gene

The Do-Not-So-Much-Evil guys speculate on domain names -- and confuse Web surfers to the tune of BIG BUCKS!

Who gave you that idea? The Chinese leadership?

Posted 1:36 PM by Gene

Energy Secretary T-H-R-O-T-T-L-E-B-O-T-T-O-M, having predicted the sky would fall after Katrina, now says the sky will keep on falling for THREE YEARS!

Meantime SEN. GRAFTY O'SPECTER comes to the rescue with a WINDFALL PROFITS TAX. I could say something about GRAFTY, a gas pump and his behind but we'll leave it at that.

Posted 8:31 AM by Gene

John Kenneth Galbraith, who was to liberals what Milton Friedman has been to conservatives, an all-purpose all-seer who told only the truths you wanted to hear, has died. RIP.

But other economists, even many of his fellow liberals, did not generally share his views on production and consumption, and he was not regarded by his peers as among the top-ranked theorists and scholars.

This admission is impossible to fathom in the PAPER OF RE-CORD of twenty years ago. What goes here? Jayson, perhaps?

Posted 8:29 AM by Gene

Okay -- now which one is the fake president?

Posted 7:52 AM by Gene

Mr. Mark pulls a News-You-Can-Use by again ranking high schools (just what we need, Mr. Mark, snobbism and castes in high schools -- and for the folks at K-A-P-L-A-N to profit! Right Mr. Mark?). Meantime the TWXSTERS run their idiotic "100 Most Influentials List", of which half seem to work for them. Nice to know the NEWSRAG editors keep thinking of their PROFITS! They sure as heck ain't thinking of us.

In further newsrag news Mr. Mark's boys spend to two pages LAUGHING over the SWEET PAYBACK for the EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL con-SER-va-tive RUSH -- and wouldn't merely communicating the TRUTH be more devastating? Like the dopey mug shot? No. Making all that big money we have to WALLOW in it. And count on our devotion to the man who pays our inflated checks: we obscure Dana and her CO-PULITZER WINNER by flogging the dead horse called the PLAME CASE! NICE SYNERGY! And as a consolation prize we DO run an INSIDE plug for FIFTEEN GREAT MOVIES! (But do I detect some doubt creeping into our plugs for "DVC" and MMMMMMMMMM-IIIIIIIIII THREEEEEEEEEE? Mr. Mark will have to reprimand our trio of TOP FLACKS!) Yes, every day I definitely know what Terry Teachout meant. (And let us not forget he complained about some PR over the resignation of a PEOPLE NEWSRAG editor.)

And we get this interesting hed from the TWXSTERS:

Time Runs Out for Iran at the U.N. Now What?

That's easy -- we just reset the clock.

P. S. By the way, Mr. Mark, we LOVE the title of that "Web exclusive":

'At Some Point, Reality Has Its Day'

Except in your offices.

(Revised as I very stupidly did not see the TWXSTERS changed their cover. But then one newsrag cover does seem to blend in with all the others.)