THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
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Saturday, September 22, 2007
Henry Kravis goes to the nursing home!
And does what you might expect.
Okay, not Henry Kravis, but his kind.
It figures: Little Jeffy's in the nursing home biz too.
And does what you might expect.
Okay, not Henry Kravis, but his kind.
It figures: Little Jeffy's in the nursing home biz too.
Zeitgeist wants to heal the world!
Presumably JonBoy's trying to tear the Bugmeister from His Econowiz.
Presumably JonBoy's trying to tear the Bugmeister from His Econowiz.
EMI has formally raised the white flag on CD prices: on Tuesday it will issue a 70-CD box of Maria Callas's studio recordings -- at around $2 a disc. $18 CDs are no longer tenable.
NO SNITCHIN'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! at Delaware State!
We should have surmised as much, just as we hunched what brought this on.
We should have surmised as much, just as we hunched what brought this on.
WE WILL BURY YOU!!!!!
Nicely.
Also we seem to have denied Nukeman's guards, er, spies, er, reporters visas, because we're big and mean.
Nicely.
Also we seem to have denied Nukeman's guards, er, spies, er, reporters visas, because we're big and mean.
So -- was this subsid of China Inc. kowtowing because it's scared of China -- or because it doesn't know how to make toys?
How about a little of both?
How about a little of both?
Rex Humbard, the rare televangelist who wasn't involved in fiscal scandal, or who didn't cheat on his wife, and who will be remembered for preaching at Elvis's tacky funeral, has died. RIP.
While gushing over the new renaissance of the Western one of PEOPLE WARNER's top publicity vice-presidents (or most likely his assistant, who provided all the quotes while he played with his keyboard) stumbles and falls over the truth -- the only way such typists ever encounter it:
Hollywood has also lost its teeming cavalry of saddle-up stars and stuntmen. Peter Fonda, who directed the fine western The Hired Hand in the 1970s and appears in the new Yuma, recalls that before shooting began, "they had what's called cowboy camp. A lot of the younger actors hadn't shot a pistol, didn't know how to ride horse. You know, it's hard to make a horse hit a mark."
Dick, we could say something -- but then you'd probably lash out at us insisting GUNS CAUSED COLUMBINE!!!!!, or that MICKEYMOUSE NIXON was a hero, or some such synergistic neurosis, so we won't say what we think this says.
"Americans don't like the past," says Andrew Dominik, the New Zealand-born writer-director of Jesse James. "They're O.K. with future and the present, but they can't remember anything before 1980." They see the western as a historical costume drama--Merchant Ivory in chaps.
Sorta like ad-blurbists, n'est-ce pas? Although you can remember back to 1967 -- and Bonnie and Clyde.
Dick, isn't it disappointing you couldn't have plugged another movie for PEOPLE WARNER?
Hollywood has also lost its teeming cavalry of saddle-up stars and stuntmen. Peter Fonda, who directed the fine western The Hired Hand in the 1970s and appears in the new Yuma, recalls that before shooting began, "they had what's called cowboy camp. A lot of the younger actors hadn't shot a pistol, didn't know how to ride horse. You know, it's hard to make a horse hit a mark."
Dick, we could say something -- but then you'd probably lash out at us insisting GUNS CAUSED COLUMBINE!!!!!, or that MICKEYMOUSE NIXON was a hero, or some such synergistic neurosis, so we won't say what we think this says.
"Americans don't like the past," says Andrew Dominik, the New Zealand-born writer-director of Jesse James. "They're O.K. with future and the present, but they can't remember anything before 1980." They see the western as a historical costume drama--Merchant Ivory in chaps.
Sorta like ad-blurbists, n'est-ce pas? Although you can remember back to 1967 -- and Bonnie and Clyde.
Dick, isn't it disappointing you couldn't have plugged another movie for PEOPLE WARNER?
Friday, September 21, 2007
This singularly annoying story that The Econowiz' publisher is whispering sweet nothings into THE 100 MOST IMPORTANT POLITICAL BLOGGERS' ears before publication (let me guess: The Professor, The Bloggers of the Millennium, B. S. Defender, the Volokhheads, Kos, Joshua, Mr. Mellerdrammer, etc., etc., etc.) confirms, as if we need confirming, that bigbloggers and BIGMEDIA are one, and that both sides' principal activity is backscratching for publicity. Just because somebody is on an INFLUENTIAL list doesn't mean he's any good. Look at the TWXSTERS' listorrhea; look at ForbesList's. Yes, we're mad because after nearly five years hardly anybody reads us, but dammit what is so awe-inspiring about these chosen few that a rag with an inflated opinion of itself (largely brought on by BUGMEISTER BILL stumbling over it) has to get their attention? Wouldn't it be more honest just to pay them, the sort of thing that may happen more than we may care to know?
(Via IWantMedia)
(Via IWantMedia)
Thinking of Lee the Patriot got me to devise a dual definition of patriotism:
For the conservative: I LOVE this country -- and anyone who doesn't should be SHOT!
For the liberal: Um, uh, well, I guess it's okay, but I'd rather be in Switzerland.
Ah'm PRAYOUD t'BEEEE a CAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYN! AMERICAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYN!
UPDATE on 10/4 at 7:20 p.m.: When you've posted over 25,000 times you tend not to notice when you repeat yourself. Oh well, I still say it's a good definition.
For the conservative: I LOVE this country -- and anyone who doesn't should be SHOT!
For the liberal: Um, uh, well, I guess it's okay, but I'd rather be in Switzerland.
Ah'm PRAYOUD t'BEEEE a CAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYN! AMERICAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYN!
UPDATE on 10/4 at 7:20 p.m.: When you've posted over 25,000 times you tend not to notice when you repeat yourself. Oh well, I still say it's a good definition.
Cultural archeologists will forever thank the author of a new work on when Boston was the Athens of America of Rock, and the boy still has his fantasies:
It’s still a great place, Milano contends, to be a fan. He ends ‘‘The Sound of Our Town’’ by chronicling a week in the life of Boston during which he sees roots singer-songwriter Dennis Brennan, local hero Peter Wolf, art-rock innovators Fluttr Effect, the punk band Darkbuster, and garage-rock darlings the Charms.
‘‘As depressing as things may look right now, that’s what I saw during a random period of a few days during a dead time of the year,’’ Milano says. ‘‘It’s pretty world-class stuff.’’
"It’s a great place to cut your teeth," gushes an admirer. Or, it would appear from this cavalcade of world-renowned immortal genius, to grit them.
It’s still a great place, Milano contends, to be a fan. He ends ‘‘The Sound of Our Town’’ by chronicling a week in the life of Boston during which he sees roots singer-songwriter Dennis Brennan, local hero Peter Wolf, art-rock innovators Fluttr Effect, the punk band Darkbuster, and garage-rock darlings the Charms.
‘‘As depressing as things may look right now, that’s what I saw during a random period of a few days during a dead time of the year,’’ Milano says. ‘‘It’s pretty world-class stuff.’’
"It’s a great place to cut your teeth," gushes an admirer. Or, it would appear from this cavalcade of world-renowned immortal genius, to grit them.
And speaking of ad-blurbists:
This is the time of year when Hollywood dumps the worst it has to offer on multiplexes, confident that not many people will visit them anyway. Judging from critics' reviews, this year is no exception. Take, for example, Chicago Sun-Times critic Roger Ebert's assessment of one of this weekend's new releases, Good Luck Chuck, which, he calls "the dirty movie of the year, slimy and scummy," and which "layers a creaky plot device on top of countless excuses to show breasts, sometimes three at a time, and is potty-mouthed and brain-damaged." A.O. Scott in the New York Times says that the movie, which stars Jessica Alba, is "a must-see for young men with a subscription to Maxim but no access to the Internet." To Michael Sragow in the Baltimore Sun, it's "a comedy about breasts made by boobs." Then there's Kyle Smith in the New York Post who describes Good Luck Chuck as "a fungal little sex comedy [that] doesn't need a review. It needs a tube of ointment and a shot of penicillin." And Michael Phillips in the Chicago Tribune figures that the film must be "some sort of humor-deprivation experiment."
But why, THUMBS® and CO., doesn't this masterwork mate your most cherished mating of words, RAUNCHY and SWEET? It sounds like the perfect CANDIDATE.
This is the time of year when Hollywood dumps the worst it has to offer on multiplexes, confident that not many people will visit them anyway. Judging from critics' reviews, this year is no exception. Take, for example, Chicago Sun-Times critic Roger Ebert's assessment of one of this weekend's new releases, Good Luck Chuck, which, he calls "the dirty movie of the year, slimy and scummy," and which "layers a creaky plot device on top of countless excuses to show breasts, sometimes three at a time, and is potty-mouthed and brain-damaged." A.O. Scott in the New York Times says that the movie, which stars Jessica Alba, is "a must-see for young men with a subscription to Maxim but no access to the Internet." To Michael Sragow in the Baltimore Sun, it's "a comedy about breasts made by boobs." Then there's Kyle Smith in the New York Post who describes Good Luck Chuck as "a fungal little sex comedy [that] doesn't need a review. It needs a tube of ointment and a shot of penicillin." And Michael Phillips in the Chicago Tribune figures that the film must be "some sort of humor-deprivation experiment."
But why, THUMBS® and CO., doesn't this masterwork mate your most cherished mating of words, RAUNCHY and SWEET? It sounds like the perfect CANDIDATE.
Before a bullet shattered his skull in 1882, Jesse James cut a bloody swath through parts of the Midwest and the South, leaving a trail of corpses and favorable press notices in his wake.
So movie ad-blurbists have done it before!
So movie ad-blurbists have done it before!
Country music singer Lee Greenwood, best known for his patriotic anthem "God Bless the USA," refused to take the stage for a concert honouring veterans, police and firefighters in a dispute over payment.
That wasn't very PATRIOTIC of you, Lee.
Ah'm PRAYOUD t'BEEEE a CAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYN! AMERICAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYN!
(Via MyWay)
That wasn't very PATRIOTIC of you, Lee.
Ah'm PRAYOUD t'BEEEE a CAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYN! AMERICAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYN!
(Via MyWay)
Major League Baseball and People Magazine have partnered on an effort that seeks to find the “Sexiest Baseball Fan Alive.”
ZELIG SELIG is a judge of SEX?
ZELIG SELIG is a judge of SEX?
A warning to Philadelphia:
Police Community Support Officers are a "failed experiment" and should be scrapped, according to a senior member of the Police Federation.
He was speaking after it emerged that two PCSOs did not intervene to stop a 10-year-old boy from drowning because they were "not trained" to deal with the incident.
Police Community Support Officers are a "failed experiment" and should be scrapped, according to a senior member of the Police Federation.
He was speaking after it emerged that two PCSOs did not intervene to stop a 10-year-old boy from drowning because they were "not trained" to deal with the incident.
We have a hunch the shooters at Delaware State knew the victims, or it's otherwise gang or crime related. If we had to guess this is one of those skools where a kind of segregation is justified in the name of history, and all it gets the students is a new form of Plessy v. Ferguson, so of course it will draw the riff-raff.
"It's different, no question," Safer says. "We're doing stories we once wouldn't have done, all these actors and singers, but fair enough, they're part of the culture."
Don't kid yourself, Morley (easy to do on your zillions) -- plugs have always been part of 60 Minutes, even back in the days when no one watched. (Remember when?) But if you're doing lots more of all these actors and singers perhaps it's because you've done so much of Audi and Alar, not to mention the too-rare appearances of your acclaimed cast member.
(Via the usual Romy)
Don't kid yourself, Morley (easy to do on your zillions) -- plugs have always been part of 60 Minutes, even back in the days when no one watched. (Remember when?) But if you're doing lots more of all these actors and singers perhaps it's because you've done so much of Audi and Alar, not to mention the too-rare appearances of your acclaimed cast member.
(Via the usual Romy)
DIMWITS: The TWXSTERS are making a new SUPERTENTPOLE called Justice League of America -- starring "such A-list heroes as Superman, Wonder Woman, Batman, Aquaman, the Flash and Green Lantern as well as the Martian Manhunter"!
And why not this Martian too?
WHY WON'T THESE IMBECILES MAKE GOOD MOVIES? KING RICHARD, BREAK UP PEOPLE WARNER!!!!!
And why not this Martian too?
WHY WON'T THESE IMBECILES MAKE GOOD MOVIES? KING RICHARD, BREAK UP PEOPLE WARNER!!!!!
Excellent!
New season off to slow start
Big debuts fail to bring in big audiences
Keep up the bad work, guys!
New season off to slow start
Big debuts fail to bring in big audiences
Keep up the bad work, guys!
MIT student arrested at Logan, allegedly wearing a fake bomb
Uh, she wouldn't work for Cartoon Network, would she?
The woman, who identified herself as Star Simpson, a sophomore from MIT, went to Terminal C to meet her boyfriend when a Massport worker noticed what was described as wires and a circuit board protruding from her chest, authorities said. She was holding what appeared to be putty in her hand.
That sounds pretty stupid for MIT.
P. S. at 5:00 p.m.
"She said that it was a piece of art and she wanted to stand out on career day," Pare said at a news conference. "She claims that it was just art, and that she was proud of the art and she wanted to display it."
Stupider.
Plus the Feds proudly flexed their muscles again, meaning we could have had another killing for nothing. Can't these bozos use something less than deadly force? Or must we have more martyrs for the Church of PC?
Uh, she wouldn't work for Cartoon Network, would she?
The woman, who identified herself as Star Simpson, a sophomore from MIT, went to Terminal C to meet her boyfriend when a Massport worker noticed what was described as wires and a circuit board protruding from her chest, authorities said. She was holding what appeared to be putty in her hand.
That sounds pretty stupid for MIT.
P. S. at 5:00 p.m.
"She said that it was a piece of art and she wanted to stand out on career day," Pare said at a news conference. "She claims that it was just art, and that she was proud of the art and she wanted to display it."
Stupider.
Plus the Feds proudly flexed their muscles again, meaning we could have had another killing for nothing. Can't these bozos use something less than deadly force? Or must we have more martyrs for the Church of PC?
Another brilliant paid observation from The Wizard of Oz:
Greenspan: House prices to drop much lower
Former Fed chief says it's unclear if economy is headed for recession
Greenspan: House prices to drop much lower
Former Fed chief says it's unclear if economy is headed for recession
Stupid people + smart technology = stupid technology.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
If Democrats want to win back the center, they will need to stop thinking in terms of right and left and start thinking in terms of right and wrong. You don't vote for a bill you believe is fundamentally wrong. You don't vote for an appropriations bill that kills our soldiers in the name of supporting them. You don't vote repeatedly for bills that deface the Constitution.
And reasoning like this, alas, is how we go from right and wrong to right and left.
And reasoning like this, alas, is how we go from right and wrong to right and left.
Odd but appropriate that this two-by-four of a story struck the same week as OJ's hijinks. We will not attempt to wade into this, except to say OJ's acquittal was in no small part a result of the PC notion that as race played a heinous part in criminal prosecutions before, so it must now, to redress the balance. Lance Ito and "Rev." Al have far too much in common.
We intend to ignore it, something the highly-contented LORD KOPPEL's heirs in the news biz will try to make as difficult as possible.
We intend to ignore it, something the highly-contented LORD KOPPEL's heirs in the news biz will try to make as difficult as possible.
It is a powerful statement of Branson East's health that the most prominent actresses gathered for a fiercely deserved tribute to the late Betty Comden were well past Social Security. It is a further statement that one of those gathered, Adolph Green's widow Phyllis Newman, sang a song from Subways Are for Sleeping (there's a title -- ugggh!), a 1961 musical she did dressed in a towel.
THE ERIC SEVAREID OF COMEDY was WELL behind his colleagues in punditing on an earth-shattering column -- and now it turns out he PLAGI -- STEALS OTHER NEWSMEN'S LINES!
Romy! Shouldn't we have an ETHICS INVESTIGATION OF SEVAREID?!?
(Via MediaBistro)
Romy! Shouldn't we have an ETHICS INVESTIGATION OF SEVAREID?!?
(Via MediaBistro)
"DEVELOPING STORY" FROM THE MESS!
At news conference, Bush says MoveOn.org's Petraeus ad 'disgusting'
At news conference, Bush says MoveOn.org's Petraeus ad 'disgusting'
Congresspoops pass a piece of -- legislation that leaves out restrictions on drug ads.
The Jack Valenti of Drugs wins!
The Jack Valenti of Drugs wins!
We can imagine what happens when -- not if -- when Nukeman visits Ground Zero. He does an elaborate, carefully choreographed act of compassion, putting on the best "serious" look a man with a goofy face and crooked teeth can, bowing down, perhaps wiping away a non-existent tear, maybe even crossing himself (!), and then five seconds later he'll flash that idiotic we-will-bury-you grin, and back in his limousine he'll gloat about how happy he was on a certain day six years ago, and how he just pulled one on Dubya and Honorary Mayor Mike.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Iran: Plans Ready To Bomb Israel
Time to pile on more WET NOODLES!
Wanna bet the INTERNATIONAL COMMUNITY is relieved?
Time to pile on more WET NOODLES!
Wanna bet the INTERNATIONAL COMMUNITY is relieved?
Western Eddie says our soldiers are the cause of the problem!
Also, Western Eddie:
• said he would lift the trade embargo with Cuba in exchange for the release of political prisoners. [Which would come first, West? I think we can guess.]
• said he would consider banning assault weapons if there were an effective way to do so, although he said past efforts have been "a joke."... [We would comment on West's "humorous" campaigning but will let it pass.]
• said Republicans appeared to be giving up on outreach to minorities by refusing to attend their presidential forums and debates. "Whatever happened to their outreach to Hispanics?" he said. [Note to West: It died with the immigration "reform" bill.]
• proposed an effort to deal with $83 billion in corporate welfare much like the military's base closure commission. It "would look at all the goodies that involve corporate welfare and have an up-or-down vote like we do with base closures, because otherwise they nitpick you to death." [Unless the goodies involve our contributors or our party, then we can nitpick 'em to death as we please.]
• said he was making a "mad dash" as the third fundraising quarter ends and would raise about as much as he did in the first two quarters — $6 million-$7 million.
THAT'S THE SPIRIT!
Also, Western Eddie:
• said he would lift the trade embargo with Cuba in exchange for the release of political prisoners. [Which would come first, West? I think we can guess.]
• said he would consider banning assault weapons if there were an effective way to do so, although he said past efforts have been "a joke."... [We would comment on West's "humorous" campaigning but will let it pass.]
• said Republicans appeared to be giving up on outreach to minorities by refusing to attend their presidential forums and debates. "Whatever happened to their outreach to Hispanics?" he said. [Note to West: It died with the immigration "reform" bill.]
• proposed an effort to deal with $83 billion in corporate welfare much like the military's base closure commission. It "would look at all the goodies that involve corporate welfare and have an up-or-down vote like we do with base closures, because otherwise they nitpick you to death." [Unless the goodies involve our contributors or our party, then we can nitpick 'em to death as we please.]
• said he was making a "mad dash" as the third fundraising quarter ends and would raise about as much as he did in the first two quarters — $6 million-$7 million.
THAT'S THE SPIRIT!
Developing Story: Dan Rather Suing CBS News
Pffh-hh-hh hh hh hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That sounds like OJ suing SLIME!
He also contends that the network committed fraud by commissioning a “biased” and incomplete investigation of the flawed Guard broadcast and, in the process, “seriously damaged his reputation.”
1. NO COMMENT. 2. Of course it was incomplete; the whole point was to protect SUMNER.
Among the most egregious indignities he suffered, Mr. Rather says, was the network’s response to his request to be sent as a correspondent to the scene of Hurricane Katrina in the fall of 2005.
“Mr. Rather is the most experienced reporter in the United States in covering hurricanes,” his lawyers write in the suit. “CBS refused to send him,” thus “furthering its desire to keep Mr. Rather off the air.”
ENOUGH, COURAGE.
Pffh-hh-hh hh hh hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That sounds like OJ suing SLIME!
He also contends that the network committed fraud by commissioning a “biased” and incomplete investigation of the flawed Guard broadcast and, in the process, “seriously damaged his reputation.”
1. NO COMMENT. 2. Of course it was incomplete; the whole point was to protect SUMNER.
Among the most egregious indignities he suffered, Mr. Rather says, was the network’s response to his request to be sent as a correspondent to the scene of Hurricane Katrina in the fall of 2005.
“Mr. Rather is the most experienced reporter in the United States in covering hurricanes,” his lawyers write in the suit. “CBS refused to send him,” thus “furthering its desire to keep Mr. Rather off the air.”
ENOUGH, COURAGE.
Of the five suggestions Mr. Dickerson gives to JFK Lincoln's campaign, the fifth is:
Raise a lot of money.
Didn't the Goddess Oprah take care about that? Maybe tending to our certain amorphousness is more important. Or do you need amorphousness to attract Goddesses?
Raise a lot of money.
Didn't the Goddess Oprah take care about that? Maybe tending to our certain amorphousness is more important. Or do you need amorphousness to attract Goddesses?
SUMNER tells THE CONSCIENCE OF FILM where he can PUT HIS REESE'S PIECES!
Does Ken Felatta think his savior knows what he's doing?
Does Ken Felatta think his savior knows what he's doing?
DRUDGE IS A DISGRACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Disgraceful overemphasis added]
Hey you weren't too bad as a novelist yourself.
Hey you weren't too bad as a novelist yourself.
This is the flip side of tentpoles. THE CONSPIRACY makes tentpoles so it can justify hectoring us. THE CONSPIRACY hectors us so it can justify the tentpoles. Quality and the moviegoer, as always in this tug-of-war, don't matter.
Bold cut means savings for consumers
U.S. consumers will gain little
It would appear the hacks know as much as the economists.
USAOKAY!!!!! does call The Wizard of Oz "legendary", though.
U.S. consumers will gain little
It would appear the hacks know as much as the economists.
USAOKAY!!!!! does call The Wizard of Oz "legendary", though.
The numbers geeks celebrate their God!
We can recall when -- now forgive us, we always have trouble with his name: Horace...Sloane? had people lining up here in Philthydelphia at Tower Books [!!!!!] for autographs of his joke book, and police had to close off the street or something, and everyone said they'd met God. Now Tower Books is no more, and you don't hear of Herbert...Stone either. (I'm sure that was his name!)
We can recall when -- now forgive us, we always have trouble with his name: Horace...Sloane? had people lining up here in Philthydelphia at Tower Books [!!!!!] for autographs of his joke book, and police had to close off the street or something, and everyone said they'd met God. Now Tower Books is no more, and you don't hear of Herbert...Stone either. (I'm sure that was his name!)
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Doesn't this look like a scary vision from one of those $50 billion B movies THE CONSPIRACY always churns out?
At first we thought it was just smog.
"The bottom line is we must persevere; we must not surrender; we must not quit and run away. God bless our troops and everyone involved in the 'No Surrender' rally there in Charleston."
...sez the man who ran from Saddam.
...sez the man who ran from Saddam.
TRANSLATION: Kolledges keep churning out IGNAHRAYMUSSES, but since this study comes from A CON-SER-VA-TIVE SOURCE, we can 1. Ignore it because it's not our politics or 2. Ignore it because it says what we fear to be true.
P. S. In comments -- and we rarely pay attention to them in any Web site as the bulk seem to come from those with a third-grade education -- a likely college professor writes:
THE CLINTONS CORRECTLY IDENTIFIED THE VAST RIGHT WING CONSPIRACY AS SOMETHING TO BE WORRIED ABOUT! UNDER THE AEGIS OF A MODERN DAY GOEBBELS—AND I SPEAK OF KARL ROVE—CONSERVATIVES AND RADICAL CHRISTIANISTS CREATE AND PARROT A PLETHORA OF LIES ABOUT ANYTHING THEY PERCEIVE AS LIBERAL AS BEING AN UNAMERICAN CONDUIT FOR TREASON AND IMMORALITY!!!!! THE TACTIC IS A PAGE OUT OF THE NAZI PLAYBOOK AND IT IS DEFTLY EXECUTED THROUGHOUT ALL FORMS OF MEDIA AND LOCAL GOVERNMENTS!!!!!!!!! ITS PERMUTATIONS METASTISIZE LIKE CANCER, SPREADING DEMONIZING LIES INTO OUR CIVIL DISCOURSE. THE GOAL IS DECEPTIVELY SIMPLE: POLARIZE THE CULTURE INTO GOOD VS. EVIL. IT IS TOTATLITARIANISM WRIT LARGE, AND IT IS HAPPENING TO US, TODAY, AND IF IT IS NOT STOPPED WILL DESTROY AMERICA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Slight overemphasis added]
Although another contributor rationally links the problem to our HY SKOOLS, but they're in the business of not leaving anyone behind right now.
Or was "Stroke" taking the day off?
In fairness though to the YOUNUHVERSUHTEES, it's likely KOLLEDGES have churned out IGNUHRAYMUSSES for some time, and they might not be entirely at fault. (See? We can read an article from the KRONIKUL UV HYER EHDYUKAYSHUN!)
P. S. In comments -- and we rarely pay attention to them in any Web site as the bulk seem to come from those with a third-grade education -- a likely college professor writes:
THE CLINTONS CORRECTLY IDENTIFIED THE VAST RIGHT WING CONSPIRACY AS SOMETHING TO BE WORRIED ABOUT! UNDER THE AEGIS OF A MODERN DAY GOEBBELS—AND I SPEAK OF KARL ROVE—CONSERVATIVES AND RADICAL CHRISTIANISTS CREATE AND PARROT A PLETHORA OF LIES ABOUT ANYTHING THEY PERCEIVE AS LIBERAL AS BEING AN UNAMERICAN CONDUIT FOR TREASON AND IMMORALITY!!!!! THE TACTIC IS A PAGE OUT OF THE NAZI PLAYBOOK AND IT IS DEFTLY EXECUTED THROUGHOUT ALL FORMS OF MEDIA AND LOCAL GOVERNMENTS!!!!!!!!! ITS PERMUTATIONS METASTISIZE LIKE CANCER, SPREADING DEMONIZING LIES INTO OUR CIVIL DISCOURSE. THE GOAL IS DECEPTIVELY SIMPLE: POLARIZE THE CULTURE INTO GOOD VS. EVIL. IT IS TOTATLITARIANISM WRIT LARGE, AND IT IS HAPPENING TO US, TODAY, AND IF IT IS NOT STOPPED WILL DESTROY AMERICA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Slight overemphasis added]
Although another contributor rationally links the problem to our HY SKOOLS, but they're in the business of not leaving anyone behind right now.
Or was "Stroke" taking the day off?
In fairness though to the YOUNUHVERSUHTEES, it's likely KOLLEDGES have churned out IGNUHRAYMUSSES for some time, and they might not be entirely at fault. (See? We can read an article from the KRONIKUL UV HYER EHDYUKAYSHUN!)
Speaking of screams: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANYBODY OUT THERE?
The Most E-Mailed Story on nytimes.com:
1. Times to Stop Charging for Parts of Its Web Site
Here's thinking it takes a little while for the beloved nuisances like Frank "Stroke" Rich and Maureen "What'd She Say?" Dowd to get their modo -- er, mojo working. After two years people might not know where to find them. Even a few screams from "Stroke" over the Nazi in the White House may not be enough. If we've learned to live without them for two years we can learn to live without them even when they're available.
1. Times to Stop Charging for Parts of Its Web Site
Here's thinking it takes a little while for the beloved nuisances like Frank "Stroke" Rich and Maureen "What'd She Say?" Dowd to get their modo -- er, mojo working. After two years people might not know where to find them. Even a few screams from "Stroke" over the Nazi in the White House may not be enough. If we've learned to live without them for two years we can learn to live without them even when they're available.
How can you turn a real hero into another Ann Coulter/Keith O eyeball roller? Simple -- get GREG to do it! When Satch let Ike have it in '57 over his civil rights bumbling, we can be sure Ike deserved it, first because Satch never got mad at anybody, and second because Ike at his frequent worst was a muddle-headed mumble-mouthed incompetent (or, as con-SER-va-tives put it, an "underrated president"). Well! GREG just found out about this -- indeed, we suspect Greg just found out who Satch was; what's more if we had to guess Greg's musical taste we'd say it's the left-wing equivalent of that sap who sings "Ah'm PRAYOUD t'BEEEE a CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYN!" -- or maybe BARRY MANILOW or the STARLAND VOCAL BAND. Anyway, Satch's heroism now becomes suspect because an undoubted total philistine and political hack like GREG has found out about it, and emotes over it. Despite this, in our book, it doesn't hurt Satch one iota -- and it doesn't hurt Greg with us either, as he's already a little below where the DREGS are.
The good news:
WGA talks hold little optimism
The bad news: America's masterpiece scribblers may work without a contract, GRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!
(Via MediaBistro)
WGA talks hold little optimism
The bad news: America's masterpiece scribblers may work without a contract, GRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!
(Via MediaBistro)
We hacks also seem to have an alibi with O.J.: it was a "set-up." That would excuse the guy waving guns and screaming, definitely.
The hacks are raising a stink at CENSORSHIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! of the EMMYS. This would seem to be a new twist in the news hacks' war against the readers: losing circ in a big way, they've decided to go down with the ship with all guns blazing. We wouldn't know whether FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' CENSORSHIP!!!!!!!!!!! was HEAVY-HANDED -- but then neither on the evidence would too many other people.
One of the Long Island elite has built a -- huge house, and the neighbors are not pleased.
Imagine "need[ing] a golf cart to go from room to room." But then someone like Honorary Mayor Mike could do Ira one better and require a helicopter.
Monday, September 17, 2007
MySpace has proven itself a great place to meet perverts and catch up with people you hated in high school, but its value as a music-marketing tool remains largely up in the air. Yes, Lily Allen and the Arctic Monkeys supposedly sprang to life thanks to the behemoth social-networking site, but the fact that 98 percent of the people reading this right now just saw those names for the first time kind of negates their success.
Why bother continuing after that one?
Why bother continuing after that one?
Another reason for The American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers to take OUR money and burn it, shred it, give it to winos, or send it on a rocket to the farthest reaches of the universe:
None of the most-watched commercials by TiVo viewers in July appeared in top-ranking programs, according to results from TiVo's StopWatch feature.
None of the most-watched commercials by TiVo viewers in July appeared in top-ranking programs, according to results from TiVo's StopWatch feature.
Chinese police were searching Monday for a man suspected of intentionally setting off explosives at a restaurant where he had invited dozens of guests, killing nine people and injuring 25, a police statement said.
And if convicted he'll be almost as harshly treated as a dissident. Pfffffffffft!
Attacks using homemade bombs in business disputes or personal grudges are reported frequently in China, where most gun ownership is illegal but explosives are widely available.
If I were a Democrat I'd say, let's BAN BOMBS!
And if convicted he'll be almost as harshly treated as a dissident. Pfffffffffft!
Attacks using homemade bombs in business disputes or personal grudges are reported frequently in China, where most gun ownership is illegal but explosives are widely available.
If I were a Democrat I'd say, let's BAN BOMBS!
Speaking of effete, EFFETE EDELSTEIN STARTS A "BLOG"!
Isn't pouring out adjectives for SUPERADAM!!!!! enough?
Isn't pouring out adjectives for SUPERADAM!!!!! enough?
DESSON auditions for The New Yorker!
Watch out, Tony and Mistah DEN-BEH -- the WaPost has found somebody who could be a lot more foolishly pretentiously pliant than YOU!
A NEUHARTISM OF THE MONTH AWARD TO -- OOOH, they got me.
Watch out, Tony and Mistah DEN-BEH -- the WaPost has found somebody who could be a lot more foolishly pretentiously pliant than YOU!
A NEUHARTISM OF THE MONTH AWARD TO -- OOOH, they got me.
You don't suppose the wake for THE GREATEST ARTISTIC ACHIEVEMENT IN THE HISTORY OF MAN had something to do with the record-low ratings, would you?
Or was it just the superb quality of TV in general?
Or was it just the superb quality of TV in general?
Another reason we need "scientists":
Survey: Men wash hands less than women
...and crusading newspapers whose owners are at ten-year lows.
I'd rather read about O.J.
Survey: Men wash hands less than women
...and crusading newspapers whose owners are at ten-year lows.
I'd rather read about O.J.
The only thing missing from this sehremonee saluting the EHDYUKAYSHUN DEEPARTMEANT is that the Republicans didn't wave white flags, nor invited a bugler to play "Taps."
“Today,” Ms. Spellings told the crowd at the dedication ceremony honoring President Johnson, “we’re 4,500 strong, armed with computers and Blackberrys, and we’re committed to a mission, ranging from financial aid to special education and to making sure that no child is left behind.”
Can't people learn not to say such things in public?
“Today,” Ms. Spellings told the crowd at the dedication ceremony honoring President Johnson, “we’re 4,500 strong, armed with computers and Blackberrys, and we’re committed to a mission, ranging from financial aid to special education and to making sure that no child is left behind.”
Can't people learn not to say such things in public?
A few people seem aghast at all the air time O.J.'s getting again. I'm not. Considering his original trial was the miscarriage (pardon, gotta think like news hacks: the RACIAL-DIVIDE WIDENING) of the century, it is justified. Moreover we sense the criminal "justice" system, however rotten, is exacting a measure of what properly should not be called revenge, but has the same uplifting feeling.
I'd LOVE to be Lance Ito today, wouldn't you?
I'd LOVE to be Lance Ito today, wouldn't you?
This only shows the blithering dimwit and best-selling author The Wizard of Oz was so good at finessing his statements even he got confused.
Wiz, you can't say the war in Iraq was for oil, and then come out and say it wasn't. Oh. You're the Wizard of Oz.
How did the economy survive this puzzlement?
Wiz, you can't say the war in Iraq was for oil, and then come out and say it wasn't. Oh. You're the Wizard of Oz.
How did the economy survive this puzzlement?
Sunday, September 16, 2007
As I've said redundantly before, most news writing is the literary equivalent of self-abuse. Too often, for instance, do the hacks justify their idle favorites under the pretense of significance. So you like some "classic" "speculative-fiction" hack. So what? He's a reason our movies stink. And no, I do not take a dying magazine's list seriously, nor the Library of America opus; its output may slowly be turning into the bookstores' version of the Kennedy Center HHonors. (And that's the "best seller" among the holy Philip K. Dick's titles at #2,312 on Amazon.com, suggesting even the people may not be so gullible.) When the hacks do such typing it's little different from running a fan site, only this fan site has millions of hits per week.
I've had enough of these scribblers writing for themselves. When will one of them write for me?
P. S. I'd hoped for succor from Amazon.com's "classics" ranks but five of the top ones are Ayn Rand novels, and a sixth is a Cliff's Notes thereupon, meaning "speculative-fiction" buffs aren't the only ones full of it.
I've had enough of these scribblers writing for themselves. When will one of them write for me?
P. S. I'd hoped for succor from Amazon.com's "classics" ranks but five of the top ones are Ayn Rand novels, and a sixth is a Cliff's Notes thereupon, meaning "speculative-fiction" buffs aren't the only ones full of it.
Our city can't cure the problem on the streets, and now a classical mu-SIC cri-TIC proposes rebuilding the main concert hall in the Kimmel Memorial Quonset Hut. It only cost $265 million to put a telecom's name in the box, and presumably rebuilding it will cost twice as much, and may need three telecoms' names, and when it's finished you can be sure somebody, SOMEBODY, will find the acoustics quite dreadful. And who does our Orchestra play for? A slowly depleting bunch of geezers who are probably half-deaf as is?
No, joking or not, some Orchestra board member had the right idea: go back to the Academy. At least it looks like a concert hall. Then tear down the Quonset Hut and build a campus for RENDELL UNIVERSITY. That seems to be the only thing they could do with it.
(Via ArtsJournal)
No, joking or not, some Orchestra board member had the right idea: go back to the Academy. At least it looks like a concert hall. Then tear down the Quonset Hut and build a campus for RENDELL UNIVERSITY. That seems to be the only thing they could do with it.
(Via ArtsJournal)
TRANSLATION: All the SENIOR CLUNKER BROTHER'S senior execs get free Xbox 360s and games for their kids. This may not be as sexy as stinking up a luxury suite for the Super Bowl, but if we can waste money, hey, that's what we're in business for.
DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH da DUT! DUT!
ANOTHER mug shot for our -- COLLECTION!
Did anyone really think the police would let him go -- with his record?
Now, between the hacks and his lawyers looking for the right -- jury will WE get a fair trial?
ANOTHER mug shot for our -- COLLECTION!
Did anyone really think the police would let him go -- with his record?
Now, between the hacks and his lawyers looking for the right -- jury will WE get a fair trial?
Needless to say our brow furrows when we foresee how the Lord's heirs will again play their R-CARD, or scream "DOUBLE JEOPARDY!!!!!!!!!" (??????????) On the other hand, we think of O. J. in prison, however unlikely, and all becomes right with the world.
Does anyone here remember LORD KOPPEL? You know, the indispensable oracle who, since he lost his throne, hasn't seemed quite so indispensable? Every time I hear about O. J.'s "book" or his collectibles groupies I somehow think of the Lord. I can see him now (I should say Him, before he lost the privilege of capitalizing his pronoun), back in '95, standing before a hastily-built set, his hair neatly whipped, his voice properly baronial -- and if he didn't speak exactly this way The Man who Freed Mandela must still have displayed the most fully developed conscience this side of Aaron Sorkin:
I can further imagine poor Lord now, champing at an increasingly withered bit to drool over The Wizard of Oz. Don't you have his phone number? You can always compare taxes.
P. S. It would appear O. J.'s latest saga may not have a happy ending.
(Cronkite link via Jossip.com)
(Slightly rewritten on 9/17)
Tonight, America is a nation divided. The verdict in the O. J. Simpson trial has seen the emergence of two Americas: one white, one black, one insisting the former football star was guilty as charged, the other celebrating the acquittal of a man who (they believe) was unjustly maligned by overzealous prosecutors. Two Americas: one white, one black. Jeff Greenfield looks at how these two Americas could come to two entirely different conclusions, and what it portends for the future of criminal justice and race relations.TRANSLATION: O. J.'s guilty as hell, but I'm a zillionaire news hack, and I'm liberal, so if certain mediagenic blacks say he was not guilty thanks to his skin color that's fine with me, as I can lay down a guilt trip on the peons, and the MENSA man Jeff's my lapdog. 1995 was about the time the Lord made a sharp turn from a fine reporter to a pompous ass, although God knows anyone so devoted to the memory of ST. EDWARD OF MURROW always had it in him. He didn't exactly stop his decline into irrelevance when last month he declared Walter Cronkite "dead." If UNCLE HHWWALT is dead, and he isn't, but the former Lord of Latenight can think him so, what does that say for him?
I can further imagine poor Lord now, champing at an increasingly withered bit to drool over The Wizard of Oz. Don't you have his phone number? You can always compare taxes.
P. S. It would appear O. J.'s latest saga may not have a happy ending.
(Cronkite link via Jossip.com)
(Slightly rewritten on 9/17)
Con-SER-va-tives continue to be astonished that Sen. Law 'n' Order may not be -- con-SER-va-tive.
Really, a lot of folks were born yesterday. LNO's first allegiance for years has been to show-biz. Anybody who's been in show-biz as long as LNO has is certain to absorb its prejudices like a sponge, or by osmosis. Clearly LNO has liked what he's absorbed. Indubitably one of the things he absorbed is the notion Elvis should be subject to "due process." Though he's good at pulling the grouchy-bulldog man-of-the-pee-PUL routine LNO is an actor, and he is obviously very contented, which means we can't doubt enough he'd be a very good president.
Really, a lot of folks were born yesterday. LNO's first allegiance for years has been to show-biz. Anybody who's been in show-biz as long as LNO has is certain to absorb its prejudices like a sponge, or by osmosis. Clearly LNO has liked what he's absorbed. Indubitably one of the things he absorbed is the notion Elvis should be subject to "due process." Though he's good at pulling the grouchy-bulldog man-of-the-pee-PUL routine LNO is an actor, and he is obviously very contented, which means we can't doubt enough he'd be a very good president.
Hitler's Buried Bombs Threaten Cleanup of London Olympics Site
Say! I think the cost for The World's Oldest Adolescent's dream just went up another billion pounds!
Say! I think the cost for The World's Oldest Adolescent's dream just went up another billion pounds!
TRANSLATION: We'll have socialized medicine with a Democrat in the White House, only his (or HER) handlers and allies in the press will be extremely careful not to call it that; and it will be mess enough to limit him (or HER) to one term, but because the fix will already be in we'll have a lead weight around us and another permanent employment program for zillions of government workers -- and the weight will be that much heavier once the SocSec and Medicare obligations to the BOOMERS kick in.