Posted 10:32 PM by Gene

A newspaper promotion for Tom Cruise's upcoming "Mission: Impossible III" got off to an explosive start when a county arson squad blew up a news rack, thinking it contained a bomb.

SUMNER'S GREATEST STUNT YET!

Posted 6:00 PM by Gene

Rep. Bo Derek's going to pull an "ethics" ruse after all.

Posted 5:52 PM by Gene

No, it can't be: even hard-core Muslims are starting to believe terrorism is -- a BAD THING?

Posted 5:50 PM by Gene

People can't get rid of their Osamamobiles fast enough.

People who buy Osamamobiles deserve the gas mileage they get.

Posted 5:41 PM by Gene

Bad times can inspire great satire, and we live in an age wildly overpopulated with ridiculous figures and celebrities all but begging to be trashed.

How true, Tom Shales; but when you can write this:

The boys who make "South Park" may indeed push the boundaries a little further and are more likely to set new standards in bad taste, but their take-no-prisoners approach can come across as reckless and sloppy.

...bad times can inspire bad satire too.

Posted 5:32 PM by Gene

Police find explosives in Rotterdam, and the greedy news agency whose mic was so prominent in a certain photograph gives us predictably few details.

Posted 5:13 PM by Gene

And further on the subject of selling movies, THE CORNER's DIRECT CONNECTION to THE CONSPIRACY has an EXHIBITOR RELATIONS MOMENT:

THE DVC MOVIE WILL BE HUUUUGE!!!!! GIANT OPENING WEEKEND, BIG BUSINESS ALL SUMMER LONG!!!!!!!!!! [Overemphasis added.]

Perhaps, but it's been quite a while since a big "mainstream" hit novel translated into a big hit movie. (We do not include CGI Tolkien's Ring cycle, a cartoon series translated into another.) Most book buyers are women; most of the movie S&M phreaks are teenaged males. Those few adults who go to movies may not read. We also remember how the hacks oohed and aahed the APE, and look what happened. Moreover if a writer as knowledgeable and erudite as Terry Teachout can resent being spun to be sold -- and what is most show-biz reporting but a sales pitch? -- perhaps others can resent it too. (Prediction: One of the newsrags will have A MOVIE on tomorrow's cover.) We hope DVC!!!!! underperforms, but we do not underestimate the moviegoers' stupidity.

Posted 5:11 PM by Gene

At a church on Broad Street today, a black man married a white woman. The blacks and the whites seemed to congregate separately. When the couple emerged the wedding party blew bubbles, which, though perhaps a bit too symbolic, was still a nice touch.

Posted 2:18 PM by Gene

The frauds congratulate themselves again.

If Dr. Evil goes the funeral will be a who's-who of the people who hate us -- just like this.

Posted 2:05 PM by Gene

Early returns suggest people may not want to relive 9/11, however brilliantly -- nor do they want to watch much else.

Indeed we may ask if THE CONSPIRACY should stop trying to sell movies period. GE BANCORP & REALTY worked hard on its tribute, plugging it on every con-SER-va-tive Web site. For weeks I saw that drab poster art for Akeelah and her bee on every bus and in the subway where I head to work. People can't be "advertised" into seeing movies. Maybe if the biz relied solely on word of mouth the grosses would get better, even if the pictures get worse. It's managed well enough without press screenings.

Posted 1:33 PM by Gene

CAN YOU TOP THIS?

Sen. Debbie Stabenow, D-Mich., suggested mailing out $500 checks -- the amount the average family will spend in extra energy expenses this year, she said.

Why not $1,000? Why not $5,000? Why not $10,000? Why not CLEAN OUT THE FEDERAL VAULTS and give everybody a HUMUNGOUS CHECK?

Don't know what we'd do with them after we'd cleaned ourselves out.

Posted 1:17 PM by Gene

Aptly chosen words:

"It's been a long dry spell in the eyes of some investors, but there's a recognition that the industry is on the offensive, not the defensive," said Brian L. Roberts, the chief executive of Comcast.

Brian Robber, you guys are ALWAYS on the offensive.

Posted 10:06 AM by Gene

Did I KNOW...?

DID YOU KNOW? [Barbara Comstock]

For the 15th year, Rush Limbaugh is doing his annual Cure-athon to benefit The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Rush has raised over $14 million over the years -- never hear about that from the Drive by Media [SIC] do you? You can click here and make a donation.

Posted at 01:41 PM

I'm sure it's a good cause, but 1. We always make fun of show-biz types for their causes, but somehow Mr. Motormouth is exempt; 2. Rush has raised less money with his charity in fifteen years than he makes in ONE; and 3. He popped pills while hectoring the universe on the evil of drugs.

You any relation to AMERICA'S NO. 1 SOUTH PARK FAN? You sound it.

P. S. In further righteous anger from a BLOGGING TYCOON:

What transparent garbage. Here's how Reuters describes Rush:

Under the deal the 55-year-old Limbaugh, best known as a brash and often moralistic talk show host, will see the case against him dropped in 18 months, his attorney said.

Rush Limbaugh actually is known now, and will be 100 years from now, as the most innovative and successful radio talk show host in history, the most powerful brand on air from 1990 forward, and blahblahblah....

I'd be careful with that transparent garbage gag. People in GLASS HOUSES may not live a hundred years.

Posted 9:14 AM by Gene

In other news of Republican cleanliness, the Feds are "widening" their probe around Bob Ney.

Isn't it time for another gladhanding moneygrubbing turkey to resign?

Posted 9:07 AM by Gene

Meantime an Osama Channel spokesman insists the west is "broken" in Iraq, and the entire Democratic Party agrees.

Posted 9:04 AM by Gene

Iran: Checks on if U.N. drops case

TRANSLATION: If you stop threatening to flog us with a wet noodle we'll concede to being stroked with a shorter wet noodle.

P. S.



Notice anything about this picture?

Posted 8:16 PM by Gene

So -- a couple of bribers may have plied the once sterling DUKE with prosties and hotel rooms.

It's an outrage we don't know more of this story -- but that's because it first appeared in WALLSTREETJOURNALS.COM.

(Via The Plank)

Posted 7:39 PM by Gene

A BRILLIANT idea, and one that should have come from DOW 36,000: private contractors as peacekeepers. If it isn't an open invite to corruption it's a plea for mercenaries to bid up their services.

(Via Arts and Letters Daily)

Posted 7:34 PM by Gene

Some anarchists (or those of that rabble) splash red paint on an Army recruiting station at the U. of Minnesota, and the BLOGGERS OF THE MILLENNIUM won't sleep for a week.

Posted 6:50 PM by Gene

Speaking of drugs, THE PILL-POPPING POMPOUS POLITICAL PACHYDERM of the AIR has been ARRESTED!

Who'll be first with the MUG SHOT?

Alas, he won't serve any prison time (count on CURLEY'S [Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!] STOOGES to tell half the truth), but it should be good for some spirited self-serving HARRUMPHING and GALUMPHING on Monday.

It's official: NANCY PELOSI'S SPEAKER! Pffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft!!!!!

Posted 5:56 PM by Gene

Mexico set to decriminalize pot and cocaine

Either 1. Mexico's doing us a favor or 2. it's tiptoeing toward full legalization. Whichever, it sounds like social engineering.

Posted 5:35 PM by Gene

Some months ago we made fun of a new nostalgic musical trying out in L. A. for its corny premise and music. Well, Mr. Riedel of DA POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! says the blurbists and other Branson East freaks are WILD over it, which would be the second time we've been wrong about a hit show. One thing's sure, though: people may leave the theatre smiling, but they won't hum the music. That practice stopped years ago.

Posted 5:34 PM by Gene

Looks like the inventor of the RENDELLTORIUM, the RENDELLMINIUM and the RENDELI wants to do to REPUBLICANS what THE AMBASSADOR did to MILTON J. SHAPP!!

(Via MediaBistro)

Posted 5:29 PM by Gene

And if this piece of dung isn't a lawyerly sales pitch combined with a cynical CYA wag of the finger to cover the author's tracks, I don't know what is.

A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD to ERIN!

Posted 5:27 PM by Gene

Moved to a fury by some TWXSTER (“Jim Kelly is very much in charge of charting the current and future course of Time magazine. Beyond that, we never comment on speculation regarding personnel matters.”), Terry Teachout quotes Orwell:

When one watches some tired hack on the platform mechanically repeating the familiar phrases—bestial atrocities, iron heel, bloodstained tyranny, free peoples of the world, stand shoulder to shoulder—one often has a curious feeling that one is not watching a live human being but some kind of dummy: a feeling which suddenly becomes stronger at moments when the light catches the speaker's spectacles and turns them into blank discs which seem to have no eyes behind them. And this is not altogether fanciful. A speaker who uses that kind of phraseology has gone some distance toward turning himself into a machine. The appropriate noises are coming out of his larynx, but his brain is not involved as it would be if he were choosing his words for himself. If the speech he is making is one that he is accustomed to make over and over again, he may be almost unconscious of what he is saying, as one is when one utters the responses in church. And this reduced state of consciousness, if not indispensable, is at any rate favorable to political conformity….

...and adds:

Very good, and still very true. But the new kind of spin that enrages me is a different proposition altogether. It’s not unconscious: it’s wholly knowing, a deliberate attempt to use speech not for the purposes of communication but for the purposes of manipulation, to corrupt the whole process of human interaction by making no statement that is not agenda-driven. It’s as if our culture had been taken over by lawyers—which, of course, it has. For modern spin is not so much pol-speak as lawyer-speak, with a dollop of Madison Avenue stirred in for bad measure. It’s half Safety First (never admit anything, however insignificant, that could possibly be used against you in court) and half salesmanship (never pass up a chance, however gratuitous, to plug the product). When I hear official spokesmen emitting phrases like the ones I quoted above, I feel not as if I were watching a marionette, but as if they were trying to make me a marionette.

This, indeed, is the spin of the HOT HOT HOT novel by committee, and most of what reeks in our rank culture. We doubt, however, anything untoward will happen to Hachette (successor, let us not forget, to the TWXSTERS' book operations, of which Little, Brown was one). Bad things don't happen to bad people.

Translation: Terry DOES IT AGAIN! Now if only he'd do it the whole time, instead of in bits and pieces.

Posted 1:27 PM by Gene

We would say for Congresspoops to blockade the embassy of a country that practices genocide is a noble thing, but then we recall the Poops' penchant for politicking, and these five are among the liberalest Democrats. Shouldn't genocide be a bipartisan thing?

Posted 1:25 PM by Gene

Did I hear a explosive gust of laughter go up from -- CULVER CITY?

Posted 6:32 AM by Gene

Here's this wise, brave noble movie about 9/11 (and a great action flick, too, which is why the blurbists raved it) and the idiots at USAOKAY!!!!!!!!!!! put some Web download about a conspiracy theory on their front page. One suspects more than a few scribblers in the luxury news suites believe it.

So much for good intentions.

P. S. Effete Edelstein's new successor at Stale.com calls the movie "neutral." Maybe it isn't a wonder of the ages after all. (Keep it up, Dana, and we won't call you an "ad blurbist." Alas, we suspect you won't.)

Posted 10:38 PM by Gene

I guess, PINCH, AHT has become a little more mischievous than Daffy Duck painting a moustache on a woman's face.

Mr. Albert said he knew of no cases of riders being burned, but the hazard may be serious because the current graffiti vandals tend to make their marks on trains that are in service.

I don't know, Your Highness -- shouldn't we call that edgy?

(Via John Leo's blog. Why can't somebody give this guy a column?)

Posted 10:24 PM by Gene

The astonishing news that The King of Beers is tinkering with its formula shows Anheuser-Busch may be missing the point. When you're as big as Bud and finance all manner of television people expect you to be mediocre. That (and a lingering nostalgia for pre-Prohibition beer) explains why the craft beers are growing, and Bud is shrinking. This may not be New Coke, but Roberto Goizeuta's great triumph was born out of desperation too.

Posted 7:16 PM by Gene

House Republicans have put "ethics" aside until they've figured out how much they can get away with.

Posted 5:49 PM by Gene

Obviously the huge committee that put together that HOT HOT HOT book worshipped at the feet of every last member of Congress, or possibly the Soviet Politburo. We may ask why it should take dozens of people to write it. We should further ask why such machinery isn't an affront to art and its spirit of individual enterprise. Of course we need look no further than Congress or the old Kremlin to see what such collaborations lead to.

P. S. The publisher has pulled the committee's book.

eBay, here we come!

Posted 5:43 PM by Gene

The "respected" co-winner of the P-Ulitzer Prize (so the home-page blurb says) gets a little snippy about her excellence:

Reading, Mass.: How old are you in that photo that MSNBC uses?

Dana Priest: 12.

Ah, newspaper writing -- the fountain of eternal...youth.

Posted 5:04 PM by Gene

If I've typed a little less than usual today it's because I managed to fix the Lotus Notes (or rather, Lotus Notes) on my office computer so it won't work, and I spent all day running around looking for a workaround. Computers should really be nicknamed tools of ignorance -- YOUR ignorance.

Posted 5:02 PM by Gene

And while we're "scrapping" FEMA (which means building a bigger, better, more efficient bureaucracy) let's scrap the DEEPARTMEANT UV EHDYUKAYSHUN. And how about DER HOMELAND "SECURITY", the greatest morass ever swept under one roof? Or maybe the ENERGY DEPARTMENT that'll disburse all those $100 checks Senators want to throw around?

Is there a guvment agency that couldn't benefit from the fear of God? Of course not. Church and state are separate.

Posted 4:59 PM by Gene

BUGMEISTER BILL's windfall profits from guinea-pig testing may not be what they used to be.

Posted 3:40 PM by Gene

Sony's been "restructuring for years" -- and it's still losing money?

Maybe the time's come to stop restructuring and put out decent products.

Posted 6:43 AM by Gene

A not-very-GOODTHING happened to Little Jeffy in Philadelphia: he got yelled at because he's no LEGENDARY WELCH.

Meantime it's nice to know your typical GE BANCORP AND REALTY retiree "earn[s] pensions of between $581 and $1,007 a month" while LEGENDARY gets $800,000 a month. Somewhere, LEGENDARY laughed.

The clock is ticking, Jeffy.

Posted 6:39 AM by Gene

MUTUAL CONTEMPT: The Republicans will hand out $100 gas-rebate checks (spread the wealth, right THAD COCHRAN?) and "aggressively" pursue gouging, perhaps to pay for more railroads to nowhere. Meantime the Democrats and SPECTERS are completely OPPOSED to more oil exploration because it might hurt birds and trees, who form a vast part of their constituency.

When will we have the guts to tell our superiors where they can go?

Posted 6:16 PM by Gene

McClatchy Sells 4 Newspapers to MediaNews

The destruction of an empire has begun.

Posted 5:43 PM by Gene

AMERICA'S NO. 1 SOUTH PARK FAN'S SOURCE STILL insists Dubya's going to veto that spending bill.

Want to see all America turn blue in the face waiting?

Posted 4:46 PM by Gene

We suspect a certain movie that just opened will be a sleeper hit; LUKE SPIELBERG's D-Day theme park and WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!!!!! THE JESUS SLASHER MOVIE taught the movie S&M phreaks that intellectual castor oil is palatable. Possibly people will come out of a misplaced obligation to back the victims, which surely isn't a bad thing; but then con-SER-va-tives have rallied round this flag, noisily rallying round it, me-me-me rallying round it, and GE BANCORP and REALTY knows it; it can't stop plugging the thing on NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! George Will and the Kraut have their oozing execrable pop-cultyure-slumming tributes in the hard drive. We wonder if some people may not know better. Our favorite flack Rog boasts of all the celebs that showed at the premiere, like "Tom Selleck, Steve and Jo Buscemi, Tony Bennett, Marcia Gay Harden, Scott Glenn, Barbara Kopple, Drew Nieporent and Damon Dash" [!!!!!], but not Honorary Mayor Mike -- or Rudy. (This suggests Lloyd Grove was right when he said GE B&R had to "scramble" to get people to see it.) That absence may say something -- not with Honorary, who proves money may not equal brains and certainly does not equal sense. But Rudy lived it. He was it. He must sense anything however well-intentioned can be at best well-intentioned. This is an almost-rote recreation, and no matter how well disguised they are these are ac-TORS, and they'll inflect like ac-TORS, ruining the verisimilitude. We are told this is unsentimental, which dramatically may be for the good; but being a literal recreation it must end as the original did, offering no solace or hope. We don't want the cavalry to the rescue, but neither do we want the slough of despond. And this film goes there. Some have called this a masterpiece; I call this moral evasion.

Then there's the question of its provenance. No recreation of 9/11, however well-meaning, or well-acted, or well-directed, can conquer it. This is the same biz that panders to under-17s with violent porno, and hides trembling under the desk at the sight of a Muslim, screaming for mercy. How can we trust such an industry to tell the truth? Why does an industry so gleeful over violent death suddenly go so serious and solemn and teary-eyed and mortal over this? How can we believe one word of them?

And we must also ask, do we need it? 9/11 was nuclear war with jet fuel. The behaviors of 9/11 are the behaviors of global conflagration. The next 9/11 may be our last. Television rendered movies like this superfluous. Moreover it opens a wound that, judging from some reactions, hasn't reached the scab phase yet. That does not say much for our supposed national fortitude.

And when MMMMMMMMMMMMMM-IIIIIIIIIIIIII-THREEEEEEEEEEE debuts next week, with a fiery blast catapulting THE SON OF GOD 10,000 feet while he assumes a position suitable for lying on a futon and calmly dials his SPRINT (or whoever paid for the ad) cellphone to call in the Air Force, whose jet fighters swoosh under him and take out the bad guys (who most assuredly will NOT be Muslim) with not so much as a bone fragment (this is PG-13), and when he lands splat stomach first atop a moving big rig, and calmly dusts himself off, neither him nor the big rig suffering a scratch, we will know then for all time this was a well-intended fraud.

(We note too that Rog must have sensed this was a downer and has changed the contents. He's a shrewd marketer too.)

Posted 3:36 PM by Gene

Officials: U.S. hopes to cut troops in Iraq by 30,000

Let's hope there are no ifs -- and that there'll be no need for them.

Posted 3:25 PM by Gene

B. S. DEFENDER must find out: Someone named Paul Friedman wrote an op-ed for the Wall Street Journals proposing how to fix The Show on The House that St. Edward of Murrow Built, and presto! MOONER stuck a VP on him. One of his suggestions is having the EDWARD R. MURROW OF COMEDY and his arch-nemesis TUCKER THE ANTI-MURROW as sidekicks -- and using "animation and puppet caricatures to convey opinion."

But not, we may presume, of Mohammed.

The gimmicks should end when Lucy Van Pelt's whining begins.

Posted 3:13 PM by Gene

Two fellows who run something called Reason Inc. are upset because an AmEx Platinum Card can't get you into the HOTTEST spots as promised -- indeed, the whole idea may be a MARKETING PLOY.

What do you expect when THE DONALD's a cardholder?

Posted 3:02 PM by Gene

Poor box-office doused Ring of Fire, but that wasn't all of it. Consider this credit, for instance:

JEFF LISENBY (Musical Director) has been conductor and/or keyboardist for Tennessee Repertory Theatre's Grease, Big River, A Chorus Line, Harlem Voices, Fiddler On The Roof, Sound Of Music, 1776; the Tennessee Performing Arts Center's Chicago, Annie Get Your Gun, City Of Angels, Will Rogers' Follies; the Starlight Theatre's Jesus Christ Superstar, Hair, Music Man; the Nashville Children's Theatre's SEUSSICAL [SIC]; and for Opryland USA. He has toured extensively with the Mills Brothers, Boots Randolph, and Brenda Lee, and has accompanied such singing artists as Luciano Pavarotti, Al Wilson, Mitch Ryder, Mel Torme, Blake Shelton, Roy Clark, Lee Greenwood, Donna Summer, Tricia Yearwood, Dolly Parton, Three-Dog Night, Jamie O’Neil, and David Cassidy. He has twice been the national accordion champion and bronze medalist in international classical competitions. Lisenby has been a faculty member of the School of Music at Belmont University in Nashville for many years, and is active as a recording-session conductor, pianist, accordionist, keyboardist, arranger, and producer.

That's a lot of baton waving and keyboard banging, and we doubt anyone outside the business knows who he is. We suspect some of the people he's backed may not know who he is. We don't mean to pick on him; we'd never heard of "Tony® Award winner Jarrod Emick" and "two-time Grammy® Award winner Lari White." And they won awards. But then so did that David Patrick Seymour Whatshisname, the guy who impersonated Truman, and all but the most diehard movie sadomasochists would be hard-pressed to tell him from a crowd. We all know who Johnny Cash was. And that's the problem -- with Ring of Fire and show-biz.

Posted 11:59 AM by Gene

What's happening to New York's High Line is a symbol of decline. Now that Manhattan is nothing but a producer of junk media, corrupt finance and the superrich it has to find a use for the detritus of its past, of a city more real and honest. The High Line served plain, productive industry; now it's a plaything for the local real-estate biz, and will no doubt be a magnet for skateboarders and street "artists" and other social parasites.

Why do we yearn for the past when we see a photo like this? One reason is the symmetry, a symmetry that will surely be missing from this new elevated Venice, California.

Posted 11:01 AM by Gene

Something called InOpinion (which I found through a link to a link in, natch, THE CORNER) runs a feature called Too Tough for TV: The Rejected Jokes of Late-Night Comics, and judging from these:

Ukraine is hosting ceremonies to mark the 20th anniversary of the Chernobyl disaster. It started with a candlelight vigil that could be seen for miles. The strange part? None of the participants was actually holding a candle.

New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin received less than 10 percent of the white vote in his reelection bid. Ironically, that's the same percentage of milk used to make milk chocolate.

I think they shouldn't quit their day jobs.

Posted 10:23 AM by Gene

Apology not accepted.

OH oh.

Maybe if she'd written it as a MEMOIR....

(Via MediaBistro)

Posted 9:56 AM by Gene

Did FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!News get promoted or did Tony Snow get demoted?

Posted 9:52 AM by Gene

The TWXSTERS help WAL-MART sell LINGERIE!

More truth-telling innovations at THE HOUSE THAT LUCE BUILT!

Posted 9:47 AM by Gene

A $300 million educational campaign planned by TV broadcasters to ward off increased federal regulation of indecent content doesn't go far enough, Kevin Martin, chairman of the Federal Communications Commission, said Tuesday.

So much for DR. EVIL.

Posted 9:35 AM by Gene

The question still uppermost in my head is, how ugly will the buildings be?

It may not matter who builds them.

Posted 9:20 AM by Gene

A fiery new chant goes up from the TELLERS OF TRUTH:

Instead of getting rid of the Sulzbergers, why not get rid of the shareholders?

Yes! Let's get rid of the shareholders! Let's get rid of all those greedy profit-obsessing REPUBLICANS and then we can tell the pure unvarnished truth about the EEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL of....

What happens if our profits still go down? Do we take the papers public?

(Via Romy, who works for a FOUNDATION)

Posted 8:50 PM by Gene

Duhhhh, I'd rather do dope than play ball, duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....

That's our Ricky!

News that Williams had failed another drug test surfaced in February, while he was in India studying yoga and holistic medicine.

NO COMMENT.

Posted 5:20 PM by Gene

Meantime THE hero of Watergate has issued his "book", and even CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES can't come to the rescue.

At 3,373 in Amazon.com forget about the Lone Ranger; he'll need an army of Tontos.

Posted 5:09 PM by Gene

We would like to know why this is news. We would like to know why CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES think this is news. We would like to know why the same overpaid hacks who just had a courage fit and are now determined to stick it to Dubya and Republicans until their great-grandchildren are past remembering it think this is news.

A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD to KATHY.

(Via MyWay.com)

Posted 4:59 PM by Gene

About The New Harry Truman:

He seems to mistake stubbornness for judgment and rigidity for principle.

Possibly because he lacks...oh never mind.

Posted 1:22 PM by Gene

OOOOOOOOOooooooooh, AMERICA'S NO. 1 SOUTH PARK FAN SEZ:

A SENATE SOURCE NOTES

At the urging of Sen Frist, the administration will say this afternoon that the president will veto the supp if it exceeds his emergency requests.

We already know that's wrong; that it comes from AMERICA'S NO. 1 SOUTH PARK FAN merely confirms it.

Posted 12:31 PM by Gene

Merely having an older sibling can be bad influence

My older sibling did it!

Posted 11:50 AM by Gene

Airbus invents the flying sardine can!

It can hold up to 853 sar -- passengers!

P. S PAPER OF RE-CORD CLARITY:

Passengers in the standing section would be propped against a padded backboard, held in place with a harness....

The backboards or the passengers?

(Via -- ROMY?)

Posted 11:43 AM by Gene

The New Harry Truman eases environmental regs and disburses from our "strategic" oil reserve, presuming that'll do something.

Posted 11:42 AM by Gene

Egypt Rounds Up Suspects in Deadly Blasts

When Hosni rounds up suspects in deadly blasts, what happens to them?

Posted 10:37 AM by Gene

Our HOT HOT HOT NOVELIST says her copying was unintentional.

29 resemblances is a lot of unintentional copying.

Posted 10:33 AM by Gene

Scott McNealy, the now-departed chief executive at Sun Microsystems, is an easy guy to dislike.

Aren't most CEOs nowadays?

Posted 10:28 AM by Gene

Will DR. EVIL ever go away?

Posted 10:16 AM by Gene

A tabloid host leads a tabloid life?

Who'da thought?

Posted 10:11 AM by Gene

"Mobisodes", "blooks" -- just because you news hacks can invent words doesn't mean you SHOULD.

The Professor won't like this:

Another benefit of publishing blooks on paper? Archiving. Warren Meyer, of Paradise Valley, Ariz., first printed out the two volumes -- 400 pages each -- of his blog entries last November as a Christmas gift for his dad, who is 83.

"He refuses to do anything online," says Meyer, who has been blogging for more than two years. Meyer has also kept a copy of his blook, based on Coyoteblog.com, discussing environmental problems, for himself: "Everything I've ever written is online," he says. "I wanted to archive my writing, and I don't trust that electronic media is a good archiving tool, because standards and technology change so much." While few people now use floppy disks, paper is here to stay.

We can't take this lying down, Prof -- DIGITAL'S FOREVER!

Pffffffffffffffffft!

Posted 10:08 AM by Gene

Okay -- so who IS the co-winner of Dana's P-Ulitzer prize?

The Podman says the denials are coming from President HEIN-TZZZ's foreign-policy team. We shall see.

Posted 9:02 AM by Gene

Speaking of flacks, the ones who sell a GOLDEN AGE OF ENTERTAINMENT TECHNOLOGY have never used a computer. The other day, goaded by BUGMEISTER BILL's shining example, I decided to put page files on both hard drives to supercharge my machine. Just one problem: He suggested putting the second page file in a new partition. But the drive was already partitioned, and such is the BUGMEISTER's genius that you can't resize the drive without using His XP set-up disc. No problem; enter Setup, partition the drive, push F3, and voila! New partitions. Using the Home upgrade disc I bought for the Dell computer I broke I pushed F3, or thought I did, and BILL's crafty genius launched me into an unwanted XP installation. (My machine's preloaded with Pro, which as all the world knows is vastly superior.) After waiting a half hour I thought I'd delete it with the simple expedient of reformatting the disc, but wouldn't you know, BILL messed up some arcane file called HAL (!) that forced me into a dual-boot menu whenever I logged on, and suddenly the computer kept insisting that one of my hard drives wasn't on the BUGMEISTER's approved list and reinstalling it could have HAIR-TEARING CONSEQUENCES, and in so many words I couldn't repair the file without reloading the whole @#$%^& XP program. Fortunately after six hours (including an hour with CHKDSK) I discovered IBM's (Lenovo's?????) Rescue and Recovery does work. Now I see why it's so profitable for G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE to screw up Blogger. P. S. In the end the machine didn't go any faster.

Which got me to thinking this morning how much of our vaunted technology goes to waste. When you look at the BUGMEISTER'S XP screensaver you want to conquer worlds with a keyboard, but alas, it's as hopeless as a beautiful spring day, where the insuperable urge to be in five hundred places and kiss a thousand girls is dashed by reality and your idiocy. Most of us now have enough technology on our desks for CAD/CAM to send stupid electronic mash notes and download dirty pictures. Untold billions have gone into designing vast cellphone networks so people can install annoying ringtones and scream blue streaks at glorified wristwatches. It's no accident the computerized home-entertainment system has sat on store shelves like a blue screen in ME, but things like this will happen when you mate a typewriter with a television. It's hard to say where we'd be without our earth-shattering technology; it's easy to say where we are with it.

Next up on my system: a SATA drive in my floppy-drive slot! HA!

Posted 6:55 AM by Gene

The New Harry Truman is going to INVESTIGATE PRICE GOUGING, which means lots of politicos feigning outrage, and lots of photo ops, and lots of greedy oil industry execs feigning sweat under the cameras, and possibly a piece of -- legislation, and in the end, an energy-depleting expulsion of hot air.

Posted 6:53 AM by Gene

Whew! The slump has ended for ALL TIME, and now we entertainment-industry toadies of the press can go back to looking for REAL JOBS, and posting our RESUMES in the PAPERS.

Press releases like this make us yearn for as many of these six-digit flacks to take early retirements ASAP. A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD to CLAUDIA and LORENZA.

Posted 6:47 AM by Gene

Over at AmSpec the interns or inmates or what have you are debating why LeeRay's "$400 million" going-away gift from ExxonMobil is a good thing (and the guys seem agreed, greedy though it is, it is). It might not occur to them it's one reason their beloved GOP is in trouble.

Posted 11:56 AM by Gene

And in preparation for going to $100,000 a share, G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLEBLOGGER BREAKS DOWN AGAIN!!!!!

Posted 11:32 AM by Gene

As a would-be writer who hasn't earned a penny from his words (and most likely never will) I do not feel sorry for the Harvard student who may have lifted portions of her hot-hot $500,000-advance-earning novel from another book. I am especially not sorry as she lifted the most pedestrian kind of prose. If she can't do a better job lifting she has no business writing.

(Via MediaBistro)

Posted 10:36 AM by Gene

I think we can agree ordinary Web surfing at work should not be a crime.

Posted 8:22 AM by Gene

Mr. and Mrs. Conventional Wisdom say we need ACID INDIGESTION and HEARTBURN MORE THAN EVER!

Of course one man's "courage" is another man's blatant partisanship; fortunately it becomes more courageous when it loses money. With luck we'll get lots of "courage" in the years ahead.

P. S. That Mr. and Mrs. CW nowhere mention Dana's co-winner indicates they're still busy replacing their eleven houses.

(Via the inevitable ROMY)

Posted 6:50 AM by Gene

DOW 36,000 celebrates the UPSCALE COMIC BOOK -- er, the GRAPHIC NOVEL -- and maybe his writer's been reading a bit too many of them:

Enter the graphic novel. It's superiority to the comic pamphlet is found in a better price point....

What's the matter? Don't edgy put-upon superheroes use punctuation check?

Posted 6:39 AM by Gene

The former Republican hero Katherine Harris had an expensive dinner with a "former defense contractor" -- AND...

"We have to get the ethics investigation up and running," says a senior House leadership aide. "We have cases like Harris, Mollohan, as well as some House Democratic leadership issues to look into. We have to let the American people know that we take these kinds of charges and situations seriously. The Senate should do the same. They could easily look at Harry Reid and his relationship to Jack Abramoff, as well as the activities of several Senate Republicans, and send a clear message to the American people."

Sure. SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURE.

Posted 4:45 PM by Gene

A J-skool Walter Mitty contemplates the evil men do:

If you guys at Morgan Stanley think you know so much about running a newspaper, then go ahead and found a great metropolitan daily yourselves and run it for 150 years. I'll buy a subscription.

If you don't like owning non-voting stock, here's another suggestion: DON'T BUY IT. No one put a gun to your head to buy the stock in the first place. And no one misled you about your voting rights. If you don't like the stock's performance, here's a third suggestion: SELL.

The fact is, the Times is a national treasure, like Yosemite or the Navy band. It is not a normal corporation, and it should not be. If you think market-driven journalism is such a great thing, then buy shares in Gannett and subscribe to USA Today.

1. We do not think the Lord God PINCH would be flattered by the comparison. The New York Philharmonic, or Carnegie Hall, maybe -- but given the way He's hipping things up we'll say Eminem, or whoever's the thug of the moment. 2. A stock with two voting classes and PINCH's family holding most of the voting rights certainly is NOT a normal corporation, especially given its zingy peformance lately.

Posted 1:11 PM by Gene

Colin Powell -- 's former AIDE sez:

FROM THE KYOTO ACCORDS TO THE INTERNATIONAL CRIMINAL COURT, FROM TORTURE AND CRUEL AND UNUSUAL TREATMENT OF PRISONERS TO RENDITION OF INNOCENT CIVILIANS, FROM ILLEGAL DOMESTIC SURVEILLANCE TO LIES ABOUT LEAKING, FROM ENERGY INEPTITUDE TO DENIAL OF GLOBAL WARMING, FROM CHERRY-PICKING INTELLIGENCE TO APPOINTING A MARTINET AND A TYRANT TO RUN THE DEFENSE DEPARTMENT, THE BUSH ADMINISTRATION, IN THE NAME OF FIGHTING TERRORISM, HAS PUT AMERICA ON
THE RADICAL PATH TO RUIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And somehow we're not surprised Gen. Powell -- 's AIDE embellished this with a spurious Tocqueville sound bite, but then nothing's spurious when we're on the radical path to ruin. (Sorry for citing AMERICA'S NUMBER ONE SOUTH PARK FAN.)

Posted 11:23 AM by Gene

The miracle of DRUG ADVERTISING:

"It creates demand where there's not even disease there[!!!!!]"

Hey, it DOES create a DISEASE, a disease that can only be cured with -- REGULATION.



Yes, advertising is EXTREMELY effective!

"The comparative studies are a joke. They are comical. A lot of the scientific literature these days is worthless," says psychiatrist Jack E. Rosenblatt. "The whole process has been corrupted," says British bone researcher Aubrey Blumsohn. "It is getting worse as the financial stakes are rising."

LAMISIL, "When Crestor performed in a head-to-head test, its lowering effect was clearly the best!", GLOBAL WARMING -- yes, we should have ENORMOUS FAITH in the GODS of SCIENCE.

Posted 9:10 AM by Gene

Osama bin Laden purportedly said in an audio tape broadcast by Al-Jazeera television Sunday that the West's decision to cut off funds to the Palestinians proved that the United States and Europe were at war with Islam. He also said the West was supporting what he called a ''Zionist crusader war against Muslims.''

EchoStar's Dish Network is the only cable or satellite operator in the U.S. publicly willing to consider carrying controversial Arab news channel Al Jazeera's planned English-language spinoff.

I don't think there's a connection, do you? NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

Posted 9:01 AM by Gene

Great, four more years of Mayor Noggin, maybe. Better evacuate again!

Posted 8:30 AM by Gene

Long ago International Paper ran a series of magazine ads giving instruction on how to read. One bit of very sage advice (I wish I could remember who gave it) was to read the last paragraph first. Thus it is with the Tweedledum and Tweedledee of newsrags; there's no reason to slog through a whole article when the last graf sums it all up. Take PEOPLE NEWSRAG, for instance:

As usual, Iran's intentions are not yet clear, but one thing is. Its true aims are probably not going to be revealed in the fire-and-brimstone speeches of President Ahmadinejad.

So the spin is, Iran's not such a bad guy; and if you go back a graf you'd see that the bad guy actually wants to negotiate. Remembering that Strobe Talbott's a PEOPLE NEWSRAG alumnus we'd guess this is the first inkling of the HEIN-TZZZ administration's foreign policy. Indeed we get another in the rag's proposal of economic sanctions, and we know how well those have worked before.

Now Mr. Mark's rag, it has a way of writing enigmatic closings whose whole purpose is to confuse you -- the better to get the official spin in your head. This week we MUST put the Duke lacrosse controversy on the cover (we've had a lot of slow news weeks lately, haven't we, Mr. Mark?), and it ends like this:

At the Church of Apostolic Revival International, Bishop John Bennett worried about civil unrest "if people don't think the victim is treated fairly." He gestured outside his East Durham church to the hardscrabble neighborhood outside. "This area is the area they need to be praying about." As town and gown collide, this much is certain: amid the confusion, there is plenty of cause for prayer, from the fringes of Durham to the heart of Duke.

We're guessing this is one of those inevitable our-side-is-right cases, and that Mr. Mark flaunts the R-CARD, but we really don't want to have to endure seven pages of SPIN to find out -- and we think we know enough of how Rashomon turns out to want to ignore it. (Indeed we suspect the WaPost may be closer to the truth here with six words of a column hed: "At Duke, Just Pick Your Facts.")

Meantime his lead BLURBIST reviews A CON-SER-VA-TIVE MOVIE, and while he loves the action something held him back from a total rave, he doesn't quite say what -- politics, perhaps? We no longer trust ad-blurbists for hundreds of reasons, and politics always seem to come to the smelly fore. One thing's sure: they'll be ANGRY at THE FREEP today.

Elsewhere Mr. Mark sells -- excerpts his dear friend Jonny's FDR book, and other than contract polio and go pro-choice we don't know what Dubya could do to please Jonny. Then again to say Dubya doesn't hold a candle to Franklin D. assumes there's a candle to hold. Besides, hasn't he already aped him with his budgets?