THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
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Saturday, November 27, 2004
Here's something I just found out: What did the TRIBUNE of THE PEOPLE*, one of the GREATEST COMPOSERS OF ALL TIME, A GENIUS to OUTGENIUS ALL GENIUSES, THE BOSS, get that some hack named JIMMY McHUGH never got?
Hint: it's usually spelled with an R in a CIRCLE.
*See paragraph 14.
Hint: it's usually spelled with an R in a CIRCLE.
*See paragraph 14.
Remember when I said LALA's CRITICALLY-ACCLAIMED RENDELLTORIUM needed work because it generated so much heat people nearby had to keep their AC on all the time? WELL, LALA's GUVMENT may SANDBLAST THE WALLS, and you can imagine how much that'll cost, and if it'll work.
You can never spend too much on THE AHTS; it's a permanent cost overrun.
You can never spend too much on THE AHTS; it's a permanent cost overrun.
And now, for a re-run from a year ago, slightly revised, a piece to get you in the holiday spirit, entitled:
WHY ARE POP CHRISTMAS SONGS INTOLERABLE?
The standard explanations won't do -- that the Christmas season's one long shopping spree, and the platitudes of the songs are the platitudes of corrupt businessmen; that they're overexposed and inescapable, especially now with FOREGROUND MUZAK. Certainly the notion of America enveloped in DOOM and GLOOM and ENNUI won't do; Tom Lehrer and Stan Freberg wrote their very sour takes on Christmas in the late fifties, before our favorite assassination. No, the best explanation is that the songs are FLAT-OUT BAD. Christ was born to provide fodder for Lawrence Welk. Consider that none of the truly top Broadway songwriters ever wrote a hit Christmas tune -- save Irving Berlin; the holiday perfectly fit a lyrical style that at its worst echoes a rhyming dictionary ("Where the treetops glisten,/And children listen,/Stand beside her,/And guide her," etc., etc., etc.). The songs also brought out the most crass in the record industry as it entered its fat years in the fifties, a time when Mitch Miller thought it cute to have Ol' Blue sing a duet with a dog. You can't think of Meredith Willson's utterly corny "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas" without the cute pizzicato strings and the cute flutes and the cute xylophone and Johnny Mathis with a two-second reverb and a clothespin on his larynx. (When Willson wrote his Christmas musical Here's Love twelve years later his depleted inspiration made him re-use it, proof that the holiday does not bring out the best in musicians.) Even the very few good Christmas tunes suffer from guilt by association. Arthur Fiedler turned Leroy Anderson's "Sleigh Ride" into an exciting, bracing mini-tone poem, but everywhere else Mitchell Parish's lyrics kick in, with their fakery of farmers and pumpkin pie and Currier and Ives, and it's back to the land of hack arrangements by Ralph Carmichael and the ooohing and aaahing of the angelic chorus. "The Christmas Song" (not great, but pretty good) marks the beginning of Nat "King" Cole's transformation from a jazzman of the first rank to an automatic molasses dispenser. Elvis, who frequently performed bad songs at half-mast, was the perfect pop Christmas singer, oozing the drivel out like a particularly unctuous undertaker soothing a dead body's relative, or a relative's dead body. And let us not forget the KIDDIE TUNES written for television though it didn't yet exist, sound-alike songs like "Frosty the Snowman" (you can hear the songwriters cutting a deal on the tune) and "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer," whose title character originated at a now-defunct department-store chain (Montgomery Ward). One of the great mysteries of popular music is how Haven Gillespie and J. Fred Coots survived a piece of junk like "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" to write the immortal "You Go To My Head"; by rights their next tune should have been written by Bob Merrill. (Look up the tune in ASCAP's ACE directory and you find a veritable army of the tiresome acts that buried it: the Ames Brothers, Brenda Lee, Ray Conniff, Liberace, Guy Lombardo, the Mills Brothers -- and yes, I include Bruce.) While it is true that familiarity breeds contempt, the contempt starts early when those familiar notes in your brain are so contemptible.
WHY ARE POP CHRISTMAS SONGS INTOLERABLE?
The standard explanations won't do -- that the Christmas season's one long shopping spree, and the platitudes of the songs are the platitudes of corrupt businessmen; that they're overexposed and inescapable, especially now with FOREGROUND MUZAK. Certainly the notion of America enveloped in DOOM and GLOOM and ENNUI won't do; Tom Lehrer and Stan Freberg wrote their very sour takes on Christmas in the late fifties, before our favorite assassination. No, the best explanation is that the songs are FLAT-OUT BAD. Christ was born to provide fodder for Lawrence Welk. Consider that none of the truly top Broadway songwriters ever wrote a hit Christmas tune -- save Irving Berlin; the holiday perfectly fit a lyrical style that at its worst echoes a rhyming dictionary ("Where the treetops glisten,/And children listen,/Stand beside her,/And guide her," etc., etc., etc.). The songs also brought out the most crass in the record industry as it entered its fat years in the fifties, a time when Mitch Miller thought it cute to have Ol' Blue sing a duet with a dog. You can't think of Meredith Willson's utterly corny "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas" without the cute pizzicato strings and the cute flutes and the cute xylophone and Johnny Mathis with a two-second reverb and a clothespin on his larynx. (When Willson wrote his Christmas musical Here's Love twelve years later his depleted inspiration made him re-use it, proof that the holiday does not bring out the best in musicians.) Even the very few good Christmas tunes suffer from guilt by association. Arthur Fiedler turned Leroy Anderson's "Sleigh Ride" into an exciting, bracing mini-tone poem, but everywhere else Mitchell Parish's lyrics kick in, with their fakery of farmers and pumpkin pie and Currier and Ives, and it's back to the land of hack arrangements by Ralph Carmichael and the ooohing and aaahing of the angelic chorus. "The Christmas Song" (not great, but pretty good) marks the beginning of Nat "King" Cole's transformation from a jazzman of the first rank to an automatic molasses dispenser. Elvis, who frequently performed bad songs at half-mast, was the perfect pop Christmas singer, oozing the drivel out like a particularly unctuous undertaker soothing a dead body's relative, or a relative's dead body. And let us not forget the KIDDIE TUNES written for television though it didn't yet exist, sound-alike songs like "Frosty the Snowman" (you can hear the songwriters cutting a deal on the tune) and "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer," whose title character originated at a now-defunct department-store chain (Montgomery Ward). One of the great mysteries of popular music is how Haven Gillespie and J. Fred Coots survived a piece of junk like "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" to write the immortal "You Go To My Head"; by rights their next tune should have been written by Bob Merrill. (Look up the tune in ASCAP's ACE directory and you find a veritable army of the tiresome acts that buried it: the Ames Brothers, Brenda Lee, Ray Conniff, Liberace, Guy Lombardo, the Mills Brothers -- and yes, I include Bruce.) While it is true that familiarity breeds contempt, the contempt starts early when those familiar notes in your brain are so contemptible.
An article like this would normally be another liberal tantrum of powerlessness (Norm's presence -- he's the Perfesser Thompson of politics -- confirms it); but last time a party had total control of government it was kicked out of Congress a scant two years later, having sleazed over after six decades' rule. Republicans may gloat now, and they have a decided advantage in that the Dems couldn't think their way out of a hole in the ground; but given the puny achievements of total control the last time, we cannot expect much from THEM; and what is more, the Reps are doing exactly the same thing as the Dems did, and while their onanistic dream may not end soon, it can only end (and it will end -- sorry, POWER LINE!!!!!) in crashing corruption.
To be sure, an article like this may just be liberals again going WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! DEY WON'T INVITE ME TO DA PAHTY! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! (the presence of Norm, the Perfesser Thompson of politics, confirms it); but lest we forget, Democrats ran the government for two years after Slick came in -- and they were out of Congress by '94, having been thoroughly sleazed over after six decades of majority rule. Con-SER-va-tives may gloat now, but given the puny achievements of total control the last time, we cannot expect much from THEM; and what is more, the Reps are doing exactly what the Dems did, and while their onanistic dream may not end soon -- the Dems couldn't think their way out of a hole in the ground -- it can only end (as it will end -- sorry, POWERLINE!!!!!) in crashing corruption.
I know people like POWER LINE!!!!!!!!!!!! and GENERAL have been yelling about Ukraine, and I'm not sure why; it's all about who oversees a third-rate country and a fourth-rate economy -- and the rotting carcass of Chernobyl.
And thank you as ALWAYS, G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLEBLOGGER, for forcing me to correct the time on all posts between noon and 1 p.m.!
Another irksome NEWS HACK tradition, and more stories they can write in their sleep: how this year's $MA$ sales will beat last year's. This year's $MA$ sales ALWAYS beat last year's -- and then, after the holiday, we find they DIDN'T beat them. I hate these stories in no small way because they remind us that 99 percent of retail sales occur in suburban malls, the malls that destroyed downtowns, the malls that did so much to make $MA$ a month-long pestilence.
You auditioning again, STERNO??????????
HA HA HA, they only saw you on the LEFT COAST 'cause of FOOTBALL! HA HA HA!! Ah, the perils of being the THOMAS PAIN [SIC] of our time.
HA HA HA, they only saw you on the LEFT COAST 'cause of FOOTBALL! HA HA HA!! Ah, the perils of being the THOMAS PAIN [SIC] of our time.
PINCHspeak: HEROES challenge TRADITIONS.
TRANSLATION: WE'LL DO WHAT IT TAKES TO GIVE OUR MORTAL ENEMIES HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE!!!!!
Calllllllllling Puuuuuuuublic EEEEEEEEEEEEDITORRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!
TRANSLATION: WE'LL DO WHAT IT TAKES TO GIVE OUR MORTAL ENEMIES HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE!!!!!
Calllllllllling Puuuuuuuublic EEEEEEEEEEEEDITORRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!
Dying Protestant social clubs try to convince America it's possible to be saintly AND Democratic.
And Glen (being one of the Lord God PINCH's good little boys) tries to help them along by insisting poverty, "the death penalty [and] broader moral questions such as responding to the world AIDS epidemic and a US economy increasingly reliant on low-wage labor from abroad" are "moral issues." TRANSLATION: Their moral issues AREN'T OURS.
And Glen (being one of the Lord God PINCH's good little boys) tries to help them along by insisting poverty, "the death penalty [and] broader moral questions such as responding to the world AIDS epidemic and a US economy increasingly reliant on low-wage labor from abroad" are "moral issues." TRANSLATION: Their moral issues AREN'T OURS.
Friday, November 26, 2004
One of the GREATEST MUSICAL MASTERWORKS OF ALL TIME -- and THE KIDS DIDN'T GET PAID A DIME FOR IT!!!!!
I'd say they ran into the MUSIC BIZ.
P. S.
CLASSIC: 1. Something pop-cultural that we like that's been around for a LONG TIME -- like twenty years.
I'd say they ran into the MUSIC BIZ.
P. S.
CLASSIC: 1. Something pop-cultural that we like that's been around for a LONG TIME -- like twenty years.
NEUHARTHISM OF A DIFFERENT KIND: I've come to detest $MA$ for many reasons, but clearly this movement (if it is such) to slough off the worst of what "the holidays" stand for (if they stand for anything) is a LEFT-WING thing ("Adbusters...eco-friendly...the effect of cosumerism on the mental health of children"), which the RIGHT-WING can answer with the only solution it knows: GREED.
The British shoot back at French ridicule of their TEETH by accusing them of making the SMELLIEST CHEESE.
Well, it beats WAR -- barely.
Well, it beats WAR -- barely.
"It's easy in this environment," Maleeny said, "to suddenly cross a line from being inviting and intriguing to being intrusive and obnoxious."
Unfortunately advertising is by its very nature intrusive and obnoxious, and anyone who's staked a claim with the sugar daddies of show-biz has staked a claim to be considered intrusive and obnoxious.
Unfortunately advertising is by its very nature intrusive and obnoxious, and anyone who's staked a claim with the sugar daddies of show-biz has staked a claim to be considered intrusive and obnoxious.
A. O. with B. O. gasses about how the film biz is making so much product for kids. This begs the question as for decades THE CONSPIRACY has made practically all its product for kids, many of them grown-up. And we know what the alternative to kiddie movies is: BISKINDISM, the efflorescence of the SUPER-PLATINUM age of the late sixties and seventies, when the screen was filled with CRITICALLY-ACCLAIMED doom-and-gloomy ennui from ARTISTES, whose presence was a big factor in making sure subsequent movies would be aimed at NOBODY BUT KIDS.
Remember that fool cancer doctor who forced a dying George Harrison to scribble his name on a GHEE-tar that could have sold for $550 quadrazillion on eBay? Well, he's back in the news because some equally fool judge ruling in a wrongful-death case involving him had to issue an opinion in VERSE -- BEATLE-VERSE.
Maybe he hoped he could sell IT on eBay.
Maybe he hoped he could sell IT on eBay.
The jug-eared deserting fool can go "home."
It's just as well; years of spending ten hours a day studying the Great Leader's thoughts is punishment enough.
It's just as well; years of spending ten hours a day studying the Great Leader's thoughts is punishment enough.
The nice thing about wireless appliances is that hackers will have even more things to tamper with.
And one suspects when they get hacked, they stay hacked.
And one suspects when they get hacked, they stay hacked.
Thursday, November 25, 2004
I argue for research not because I intend to do it any more - my name on a research project causes priests immediately to reject the findings....
Maybe, Mr. Greeley, if you wrote a NOVEL -- no? I guess the staid ol' Catholic Church will have to try to change without you.
Maybe, Mr. Greeley, if you wrote a NOVEL -- no? I guess the staid ol' Catholic Church will have to try to change without you.
You scratch your head and think, why, of all history's heroes, hasn't Olly Stone made a move about HIM?
Or Kim-Il Sung.
Or Kim-Il Sung.
What compels people to get up at 8 a.m. on a dank, dark, blustery day, a day they can sleep until noon, to watch a bunch of people tugging at some rubbery balloons?
Sites like POWER LINE!!!!!!!!!!!! can be next to useless because they always rely on the same three sources: The Wall Street Journals Conservative Edition (and especially the FREELOADERS' REVIEW), The Washington Times, THE NEW YORK POST!!!!!!!!!!, plus some very like-minded bloggers. As Dick Gephardt's nomination for vice president and EXIT POLLS have proved, these sources have -- problems. I try to keep my options open, but even then there's no way of knowing what's out on the Web, and I always bang my head on the keyboard thinking I'm missing some sites of real value. But I do know when a SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGER finds something he touts as TERRIFIC!!!!!, you can be sure it's just a political version of AIN'T IT COOL NEWS.
You'd think on Thanksgiving THE GLIBERAL would give his anger and his health a day off, and eat a little turkey. But no, he has to give everyone, as usual, THE BIRD.
You wonder when reality will touch the Lord God PINCH. Perhaps the GLIBERALS and Doody Dowds get the TRUE BELIEVERS of Midtown Manhattan going, but elsewhere they're figures of uproarious laughter, even one guesses among some liberals, and each time the Lord God PINCH gives space for their left-wing John Birching it's another chunk out of His Kingdom's reputation.
You wonder when reality will touch the Lord God PINCH. Perhaps the GLIBERALS and Doody Dowds get the TRUE BELIEVERS of Midtown Manhattan going, but elsewhere they're figures of uproarious laughter, even one guesses among some liberals, and each time the Lord God PINCH gives space for their left-wing John Birching it's another chunk out of His Kingdom's reputation.
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
PAPER OF RE-CORD Freudian Slip of the Day:
Set perpendicular to the river, the library looks comparatively slick.
Set perpendicular to the river, the library looks comparatively slick.
And on this day Ricky Duhhh decides he can't pay the grocer with weeds, and two stupid comedians announce an unearthing to the wail of a godawful pun, here's another reason the EH?landers deserve to wallow in self-pity:
The number of Canadians who say they have smoked pot in the past year has nearly doubled in a decade, a major new study on addiction says.
More than 44 per cent of Canadians say they have used marijuana at least once in their lifetime, a figure that spiked to 70 per cent among 18 to 24-year-olds, the Canadian Addiction Survey says.
And more than 14 per cent of all of the survey's respondents reported using the drug in the past year — up from 7.4 per cent in 1994.
But there is good news:
The prevalence of pot use increased with education and income, according to the survey.
So our friends to the north are at least getting stoned on purpose. EH?
The number of Canadians who say they have smoked pot in the past year has nearly doubled in a decade, a major new study on addiction says.
More than 44 per cent of Canadians say they have used marijuana at least once in their lifetime, a figure that spiked to 70 per cent among 18 to 24-year-olds, the Canadian Addiction Survey says.
And more than 14 per cent of all of the survey's respondents reported using the drug in the past year — up from 7.4 per cent in 1994.
But there is good news:
The prevalence of pot use increased with education and income, according to the survey.
So our friends to the north are at least getting stoned on purpose. EH?
Cheech, Chong to make joint appearance
Given Ricky Duhhh, I don't think this headline's funny. Knowing VNU, I don't think it's intentional either.
Given Ricky Duhhh, I don't think this headline's funny. Knowing VNU, I don't think it's intentional either.
One of the world's immortal heroes is facing a roman à clef over his heroism. Amazing about NEWS HACKS and HEF -- they castigate him for all the wrong reasons (feminism, sexism, etc. etc. etc.) but they have obits ready to defrost that will paint him as the man who led the human race to FREEDOM (never mind STDs, Dorothy Stratten, etc. etc. etc.). As I've said though, THE NEWS HACKS' HEROES are ALWAYS SOBs, they being SOBs THEMSELVES.
NEWSMAX: RATED NUMBER ONE WASTE OF READERS' TIME!!!!!!!!!!
After watching Friday night's beating handed out by Indiana Pacers' Ron Artest upon several unsuspecting fans during a Detroit Pistons vs. Indiana Pacers basketball game, the Rev. Jesse Lee Peterson, founder and president of BOND (Brotherhood Organization of a New Destiny)....
Don't these clowns realize they're as much megaphones as THE PAPER OF RE-CORD is for its Je$$e? The last thing we want from NEWS HACKS is RUDY VALLEE.
After watching Friday night's beating handed out by Indiana Pacers' Ron Artest upon several unsuspecting fans during a Detroit Pistons vs. Indiana Pacers basketball game, the Rev. Jesse Lee Peterson, founder and president of BOND (Brotherhood Organization of a New Destiny)....
Don't these clowns realize they're as much megaphones as THE PAPER OF RE-CORD is for its Je$$e? The last thing we want from NEWS HACKS is RUDY VALLEE.
"What Artest did didn't surprise anyone," said Dean Bonham, a sports biz consultant. "The issue for corporate America is how risky is the endorsement of an athlete?"
Not risky enough for execs to stop wasting zillions on stupid deals that sell nothing while screaming to their flunkies, as they always will, "I KNOW THAT GUY AND YOU DON'T!!!!!"
Not risky enough for execs to stop wasting zillions on stupid deals that sell nothing while screaming to their flunkies, as they always will, "I KNOW THAT GUY AND YOU DON'T!!!!!"
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
Finally, nearly THIRTY YEARS after the WALDHEIM DOCTRINE, the League of Nations condemns -- ANTI-SEMITISM??????????
Note who put it online -- conservative and Israeli news sites. Maybe as news it isn't important, but still this yells out the liberal's (and the NEWS HACK'S) tacit acceptance of Jew-baiting.
Note who put it online -- conservative and Israeli news sites. Maybe as news it isn't important, but still this yells out the liberal's (and the NEWS HACK'S) tacit acceptance of Jew-baiting.
Sounds like Danno's warding off a firing.
Not that he has to worry. Much.
P. S. POWER LINE!!!!! takes the appropriate credit:
RATHER RELIEVED!!!!!!!!
NO HE WAS NOT, and there is no evidence yet that he was. Knowing Danno he thinks he's going out with the crowd cheering. Knowing VIACON, so does IT.
THIS is why people complain -- sorry STERNO!!!!!, they're RIGHT to complain -- about the CREDIBILITY OF BLOGGERS.
Nor am I sure, though the organizations they front be obsolete, though serious news consumers no longer watch them except perhaps to measure the CW, that the passing of THE THREE STOOGES marks the end of the nightly network news. Twenty million still tune in -- more than listen to RUSH -- or HOWARD -- or the NO-SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN ZONE -- or even MICHAEL MEDVED.
NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!! TAKES CREDIT TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
P. P. S. Well, I guess there IS a crowd cheering.
Not that he has to worry. Much.
P. S. POWER LINE!!!!! takes the appropriate credit:
RATHER RELIEVED!!!!!!!!
NO HE WAS NOT, and there is no evidence yet that he was. Knowing Danno he thinks he's going out with the crowd cheering. Knowing VIACON, so does IT.
THIS is why people complain -- sorry STERNO!!!!!, they're RIGHT to complain -- about the CREDIBILITY OF BLOGGERS.
Nor am I sure, though the organizations they front be obsolete, though serious news consumers no longer watch them except perhaps to measure the CW, that the passing of THE THREE STOOGES marks the end of the nightly network news. Twenty million still tune in -- more than listen to RUSH -- or HOWARD -- or the NO-SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN ZONE -- or even MICHAEL MEDVED.
NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!! TAKES CREDIT TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
P. P. S. Well, I guess there IS a crowd cheering.
It HAD to happen: L'Affaire Kingsley is this year's screener mess.
EARTH TO HOLLYWOOD: GET A LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
EARTH TO HOLLYWOOD: GET A LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SOMEBODY get Nicolas Cage's new wife, Alice, an American history book — and quick! Spies at the L.A. premiere of "National Treasure" last week said Alice, 20, seemed befuddled when someone talked to her about the Declaration of Independence. "She looked at them and said, 'What is the Declaration of Independence?' " our witness relates — an account confirmed by another attendee. Cage, 40, quickly came to the rescue and said, "I'm sorry — please don't ask my wife any history questions." Another source said, "Nic is so odd — a day before he married Alice, he was asking friends for advice because he didn't want to go through with the wedding. He just can't be alone." Cage and Alice met on Valentine's Day at a sushi joint where she was a waitress, and just six months later tied the knot. Annett Wolff, Cage's representative, said: "I am sure Alice knows about the Declaration of Independence and they could not be more in love or happy."
Craig Askew! Meet Mrs. Nicolas Cage!
Craig Askew! Meet Mrs. Nicolas Cage!
NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK:
Are we in the golden age of video gaming? (Can you hear THE VOICE OF AL screaming, WE ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?)
OR:
"If games were movies, we (have) Star Wars, Titanic, Toy Story, Casablanca and Gone With the Wind all (hitting) at the same time," says John Davison, editorial director for Ziff-Davis video game publications.
Star Wars, Titanic, Toy Story...That should be enough.
JOHN! You looking for a job at GanNETt? They'd LOVE to have you!
OR:
More than a few of the 1.5 million who put down a deposit for [Halo 2] months in advance took days off work to play it.
It was well worth it to Craig Askew [SIC], 33, of Henderson, N.C., who has been waiting for Halo 2 since he finished the original three years ago. He played more than 25 hours the first week the game was out, including most of Wednesday, a day he had arranged to take off from his truck-driving job. Last week, he put in another 10 hours, plus more than 12 on Sunday.
Askew says he didn't specify why he needed the time off. Taking a day off work "to spend some time playing Halo 2 is very unusual for me. The quality of this game is second to none. My HDTV and I have never been this happy playing games." [We're so GLAD you're in love, Craig.]
Others simply called in sick.
TRANSLATION: GET A LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Are we in the golden age of video gaming? (Can you hear THE VOICE OF AL screaming, WE ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?)
OR:
"If games were movies, we (have) Star Wars, Titanic, Toy Story, Casablanca and Gone With the Wind all (hitting) at the same time," says John Davison, editorial director for Ziff-Davis video game publications.
Star Wars, Titanic, Toy Story...That should be enough.
JOHN! You looking for a job at GanNETt? They'd LOVE to have you!
OR:
More than a few of the 1.5 million who put down a deposit for [Halo 2] months in advance took days off work to play it.
It was well worth it to Craig Askew [SIC], 33, of Henderson, N.C., who has been waiting for Halo 2 since he finished the original three years ago. He played more than 25 hours the first week the game was out, including most of Wednesday, a day he had arranged to take off from his truck-driving job. Last week, he put in another 10 hours, plus more than 12 on Sunday.
Askew says he didn't specify why he needed the time off. Taking a day off work "to spend some time playing Halo 2 is very unusual for me. The quality of this game is second to none. My HDTV and I have never been this happy playing games." [We're so GLAD you're in love, Craig.]
Others simply called in sick.
TRANSLATION: GET A LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Terrorism czars, drug-enforcement czars, copyright czars -- I got an idea: LET'S TURN THE WHOLE GOVERNMENT OVER TO A CZAR!
Study: 60% of TV shows set in Calif., N.Y.
Who says show-biz is elitist?
P. S. This study was commissioned by ADVERTISERS, meaning lots of advertising vice-presidents get to pinch themselves.
Who says show-biz is elitist?
P. S. This study was commissioned by ADVERTISERS, meaning lots of advertising vice-presidents get to pinch themselves.
In an especially creative variation of QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, some Norwegian social number players decide the rate of "malnutrition" in Iraqi children has gone up -- from before the invasion.
You don't suppose these are the same types who would have gnashed their teeth over TV scenes of suffering from Saddam? I thought that's why the League of Nations instituted the -- forget it.
One thing's clear: CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES will give more play to this "study" than to Kofi's prize-winning scandal.
You don't suppose these are the same types who would have gnashed their teeth over TV scenes of suffering from Saddam? I thought that's why the League of Nations instituted the -- forget it.
One thing's clear: CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES will give more play to this "study" than to Kofi's prize-winning scandal.
Monday, November 22, 2004
I guess we are supposed to thank the Congresspoops for deciding not to make it illegal to skip commercials.
And what DOES this have to do with BOXING except being another self-inflicted blow to the head?
And what DOES this have to do with BOXING except being another self-inflicted blow to the head?
Citigroup Sells Truck Finance Unit to GE for $4.4 Bln
I want someone to tell me Little Jeffrey's fantasy kingdom isn't already a BANK.
I want someone to tell me Little Jeffrey's fantasy kingdom isn't already a BANK.
LA's Cardinal Mahony to be deposed in clergy abuse cases
This should be fun. Will he be as corporate and tone-deaf as MR. Law?
This should be fun. Will he be as corporate and tone-deaf as MR. Law?
ROMY does it again:
Claim: WSJ has been neutered as a good source of war info
New York Review of Books via MotherJones.com
How about:
Fox News a superior source of war info
National Review via TownHall.com
Claim: WSJ has been neutered as a good source of war info
New York Review of Books via MotherJones.com
How about:
Fox News a superior source of war info
National Review via TownHall.com
OH oh, a few SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS may be moving the RICHTER SCALE:
[R]ather than flog the bloggers for rushing to publish the raw exit poll data on their Web sites, we may owe them a debt of gratitude. A few more presidential elections like this one and the public will learn to do the right thing and simply ignore news of early exit poll data. Then perhaps people will start ignoring the bloggers, who proved once more that their spectacular lack of judgment is matched only by their abundant arrogance.
The problem is, ARROGANCE is something you might associate with people who've CURED CANCER!!!!!
P. S. FROM STERNO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:
: My sneaky friend Nick Denton nominated me to join Jason Calicanis in setting up a Blog Ethics Committee.
The first thing it should propose, let's ban ANY BLOGGER who criticizes HOWARD!!!!!
P. P. S. I hadn't noticed this post came just after another mention of ARROGANCE, but to the degree SUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS ape NEWS HACKS, so they ape their ARROGANCE.
[R]ather than flog the bloggers for rushing to publish the raw exit poll data on their Web sites, we may owe them a debt of gratitude. A few more presidential elections like this one and the public will learn to do the right thing and simply ignore news of early exit poll data. Then perhaps people will start ignoring the bloggers, who proved once more that their spectacular lack of judgment is matched only by their abundant arrogance.
The problem is, ARROGANCE is something you might associate with people who've CURED CANCER!!!!!
P. S. FROM STERNO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:
: My sneaky friend Nick Denton nominated me to join Jason Calicanis in setting up a Blog Ethics Committee.
The first thing it should propose, let's ban ANY BLOGGER who criticizes HOWARD!!!!!
P. P. S. I hadn't noticed this post came just after another mention of ARROGANCE, but to the degree SUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS ape NEWS HACKS, so they ape their ARROGANCE.
NO FURTHER COMMENT NEEDED:
[I]t seems reasonable for abortion opponents or gun owners to assume that newsrooms full of pro-choice Second Amendment-haters haven't been and won't ever be fair. Yet newsrooms, from the New York Times down, reject that argument, too.
At least one speaker at the editors' conference thought this argument was reasonable.
The Times' ombudsman.
At a Friday panel discussion, I asked Times Public Editor Daniel Okrent whether he thought it was a problem that polls showed reporters and editors are overwhelmingly Democrats and liberals. Sure, he said -- "We have to have intellectual diversity."
Unfortunately, Okrent wasn't around when [Chris] Hedges vented. But Okrent may have had Hedges (and Hedges' bosses) in mind at another point in his remarks.
"Arrogance has gone off the charts at the Times more than any other place," he said.
No kidding.
[I]t seems reasonable for abortion opponents or gun owners to assume that newsrooms full of pro-choice Second Amendment-haters haven't been and won't ever be fair. Yet newsrooms, from the New York Times down, reject that argument, too.
At least one speaker at the editors' conference thought this argument was reasonable.
The Times' ombudsman.
At a Friday panel discussion, I asked Times Public Editor Daniel Okrent whether he thought it was a problem that polls showed reporters and editors are overwhelmingly Democrats and liberals. Sure, he said -- "We have to have intellectual diversity."
Unfortunately, Okrent wasn't around when [Chris] Hedges vented. But Okrent may have had Hedges (and Hedges' bosses) in mind at another point in his remarks.
"Arrogance has gone off the charts at the Times more than any other place," he said.
No kidding.
Some insurgents have feigned surrender to lure marines into danger.
You don't suppose this could be behind our latest ATROCITY, could you?
The hacks are no doubt pointpointpointing to this story as proof RED-COUNTRY TYPES ARE A BUNCH OF MURDEROUS HOTHEADS.
If I'm not mistaken, HACKS, Wisconsin went for KERRY. Which proves what?
If I'm not mistaken, HACKS, Wisconsin went for KERRY. Which proves what?
The MENSA MAN, under prodding from PINCH, tries to prove Americans (and especially RED-COUNTRY AMERICANS) are hypocrites (count on STERNO!!!!!!!!!! to seize on this); but I've a hunch the TV audience is as typical of America as the moviegoing crowd, and when people use their sets as night lights, a night light will watch ANYTHING.
Typical PINCH smirk:
In the greater Atlanta market, reaching more than two million households, "Desperate Housewives" is the top-rated show. Nearly 58 percent of the voters in those counties voted for President Bush.
The last I saw this MEGAHIT drew THIRTEEN PERCENT of total households, meaning EIGHTY-SEVEN PERCENT WEREN'T WATCHING IT, and I suspect that's as true for Atlanta as anywhere else.
We may also ponder that for the last ratings period only FIFTEEN shows had more than a TEN, and that at any given time a goodly number of TVs are OFF.
Typical PINCH smirk:
In the greater Atlanta market, reaching more than two million households, "Desperate Housewives" is the top-rated show. Nearly 58 percent of the voters in those counties voted for President Bush.
The last I saw this MEGAHIT drew THIRTEEN PERCENT of total households, meaning EIGHTY-SEVEN PERCENT WEREN'T WATCHING IT, and I suspect that's as true for Atlanta as anywhere else.
We may also ponder that for the last ratings period only FIFTEEN shows had more than a TEN, and that at any given time a goodly number of TVs are OFF.
Does the world need a two-millionth Bible translation?
"I began this translation as a kind of dubious experiment...."
Those words will ring truer than anything in this LATEST one.
"I began this translation as a kind of dubious experiment...."
Those words will ring truer than anything in this LATEST one.
Sunday, November 21, 2004
NBA suspends Artest for rest of season
Jackson penalized 30 games, O'Neal 25 for roles in melee with fans
Let's see if this survives a COURT CHALLENGE.
I am NOT kidding.
Jackson penalized 30 games, O'Neal 25 for roles in melee with fans
Let's see if this survives a COURT CHALLENGE.
I am NOT kidding.
Why is it people who HATE classical music because it's "depressing" pound their ears with a barrage of gloomy rock tunes in a minor key?
Here's a story, LITTLE, that indicates the British weakness for a nip may be a bit more than a STEREOTYPE.
One last item on BLUNDER and then I PROMISE I'll let it go for the day:
...How is it working with the media today, given the proliferation of gossip columnists, entertainment shows and publications?
Well there's good news and bad news. The good news is that there are so many places to go if you have work you want to publicize, because that's what we do, we publicize the work.
The other side is that it's so competitive among the media....
Indeed -- because they're so eager to help you PUBLICIZE the WORK.
...How is it working with the media today, given the proliferation of gossip columnists, entertainment shows and publications?
Well there's good news and bad news. The good news is that there are so many places to go if you have work you want to publicize, because that's what we do, we publicize the work.
The other side is that it's so competitive among the media....
Indeed -- because they're so eager to help you PUBLICIZE the WORK.
Here's something I wish would shut NEWS HACKS up: a front page from THE PAPER OF RE-CORD from 1962 that appears in a book I have. Here were the top headlines:
Common Market and British Voice Hopes in Impasse
President Names Dean at Columbia to Post on A. E. C.
City Acts to Pay Its Bills Faster
Who remembers these stories? Do they have any significance now? Where are the fool Jonny Alters and Gliberals to debate them? Well, there was one front-page hed to remember:
Marilyn Monroe Dead, Pills Near
And no, Jonny, this does NOT prove PAT and MR. MARK were RIGHT in COLLABORATING, for even THE PAPER OF RE-CORD (in an un-bylined "special") had to admit MM was one of the all-timers, and your and your boss's synergistic gushing will go down the rat hole like Common Market impasses, Columbia deans and New York City bills.
Common Market and British Voice Hopes in Impasse
President Names Dean at Columbia to Post on A. E. C.
City Acts to Pay Its Bills Faster
Who remembers these stories? Do they have any significance now? Where are the fool Jonny Alters and Gliberals to debate them? Well, there was one front-page hed to remember:
Marilyn Monroe Dead, Pills Near
And no, Jonny, this does NOT prove PAT and MR. MARK were RIGHT in COLLABORATING, for even THE PAPER OF RE-CORD (in an un-bylined "special") had to admit MM was one of the all-timers, and your and your boss's synergistic gushing will go down the rat hole like Common Market impasses, Columbia deans and New York City bills.
WAIT!!!!! Someone will have to tell the HORSE-RACING BIZ to come up with something better than the SUPERFECTA -- because HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE'S JONNY!!!!!
But if only a tiny number are highly offended by raunchy TV, millions are mildly or somewhat offended. And those millions vote. They want to know that the president is on their side in the ever-worsening battle between parents and popular culture for the attention of their children.
So what do we do? We turn our pages over to PAT KINGSLEY!!!!!
STERNO!!!!! will NEVER stop boasting now.
But if only a tiny number are highly offended by raunchy TV, millions are mildly or somewhat offended. And those millions vote. They want to know that the president is on their side in the ever-worsening battle between parents and popular culture for the attention of their children.
So what do we do? We turn our pages over to PAT KINGSLEY!!!!!
STERNO!!!!! will NEVER stop boasting now.
And then we hit the SUPER with QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MR. MARK, THIS issue ought to win YOU a PRIZE -- a BOOBY PRIZE. ONCE AGAIN you prove BLUNDER is AMERICA'S SECOND-MOST RISIBLE RECYCLABLE AFTER THE PAPER OF RE-CORD.
WILL SOMEBODY TELL HIM ST. WARREN MAKES A GOODLY CHUNK OF HIS MONEY FROM THIS COMPANY OFF SATs? THAT should say something of its USEFULNESS.
OR:
News Sources People Use Most Often
Survey Question: Which (news) sources are you using more often?
Pew Research Center for the People and the Press, ’’Media Attitudes/ Youth Engagement/ Religion After 9/11’’ Nov. 13 - 19, 2001 [That's what it says there.]
I admit the chart sort-of cheats but the gist is understandable.
P. S. MR. MARK, does this explain all those funny-looking brass elephants you have on your desk?
P. P. S. In the last three years BLUNDER claims to have won 231 AWARDS, which pretty well indicates how useful THEY are.
MR. MARK, THIS issue ought to win YOU a PRIZE -- a BOOBY PRIZE. ONCE AGAIN you prove BLUNDER is AMERICA'S SECOND-MOST RISIBLE RECYCLABLE AFTER THE PAPER OF RE-CORD.
WILL SOMEBODY TELL HIM ST. WARREN MAKES A GOODLY CHUNK OF HIS MONEY FROM THIS COMPANY OFF SATs? THAT should say something of its USEFULNESS.
OR:
News Sources People Use Most Often
Survey Question: Which (news) sources are you using more often?
Pew Research Center for the People and the Press, ’’Media Attitudes/ Youth Engagement/ Religion After 9/11’’ Nov. 13 - 19, 2001 [That's what it says there.]
I admit the chart sort-of cheats but the gist is understandable.
P. S. MR. MARK, does this explain all those funny-looking brass elephants you have on your desk?
P. P. S. In the last three years BLUNDER claims to have won 231 AWARDS, which pretty well indicates how useful THEY are.
And a KINGSLEYAN RAH-RAH for SATELLITE RADIO from the SAME MORONS who thought HOWARD'S TEEMING MILLIONS would WIN THE ELECTION FOR KERRY!
TRANSLATION: HOWARD is THE DONALD of RADIO.
TRANSLATION: HOWARD is THE DONALD of RADIO.