THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
Blogroll Me!
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Friday, July 21, 2006
RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spread ADWARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?
1. Gosh. 2. Most MySpace users don't know OR care.
1. Gosh. 2. Most MySpace users don't know OR care.
BREAKING NEWS from CNN.com:
U.S. Secretary of State Rice says "Syria knows what it needs to do and Hezbollah is the source of the problem."
STRONG WORDS, GENERALETTE!
U.S. Secretary of State Rice says "Syria knows what it needs to do and Hezbollah is the source of the problem."
STRONG WORDS, GENERALETTE!
Excellent advice:
In the long run, military campaigns won't be the answer, most analysts agree. "There may be military battles that have to be fought," says Jenkins, "but the real answer is to focus more on how to diminish the appeal of the radical message."
And how do we do that?
In the long run, military campaigns won't be the answer, most analysts agree. "There may be military battles that have to be fought," says Jenkins, "but the real answer is to focus more on how to diminish the appeal of the radical message."
And how do we do that?
The words Condoleezza and Wonder Woman just don't go together as often as they used to.
What's the plan now, GENERALETTE? A "cease fire"?
Rice to lay out U.S. strategy for Mideast crisis
Yep, I don't think we have a clue.
What's the plan now, GENERALETTE? A "cease fire"?
Rice to lay out U.S. strategy for Mideast crisis
Yep, I don't think we have a clue.
Kathryn Jean TRAVERS Lopez can't spread another rumor, unfortunately:
Fidel's apparently not dead yet.
Fidel's apparently not dead yet.
Another argument for FIRING ad-blurbists:
[N]umerous [ad-blurbists -- they do NOT deserve to be called CRITICS] heralded a new golden age as far back as the '70s, when classic comedies including "The Mary Tyler Moore Show," "All in the Family" and "M*A*S*H" dominated the airwaves. In the '80s, the arrival of dramas like "Hill Street Blues," with its complex narrative structure, ushered in yet another golden age. [Ad-blurbists] also made a compelling case in the '90s, citing such shows as "The Simpsons" (which debuted in December 1989), "Seinfeld" and "E.R."
Well there's a simple reason for that: TV KEEPS GETTING BETTER!!
So here we are in another golden age -- such exemplars of REPORTORIAL EXCELLENCE as "Entertainment Weekly [and] the Washington Times" say so! So here comes some hack named Matt from something called TV Guide, itself in a TIN age, and what does he say (conveniently late in the article)?
"[T]he shows that tend to get the best reviews tend to get the smallest audiences, and even the ones that are popular aren't culturally resonant."
REPEAT: FIRE THE AD-BLURBISTS!!!!!
[N]umerous [ad-blurbists -- they do NOT deserve to be called CRITICS] heralded a new golden age as far back as the '70s, when classic comedies including "The Mary Tyler Moore Show," "All in the Family" and "M*A*S*H" dominated the airwaves. In the '80s, the arrival of dramas like "Hill Street Blues," with its complex narrative structure, ushered in yet another golden age. [Ad-blurbists] also made a compelling case in the '90s, citing such shows as "The Simpsons" (which debuted in December 1989), "Seinfeld" and "E.R."
Well there's a simple reason for that: TV KEEPS GETTING BETTER!!
So here we are in another golden age -- such exemplars of REPORTORIAL EXCELLENCE as "Entertainment Weekly [and] the Washington Times" say so! So here comes some hack named Matt from something called TV Guide, itself in a TIN age, and what does he say (conveniently late in the article)?
"[T]he shows that tend to get the best reviews tend to get the smallest audiences, and even the ones that are popular aren't culturally resonant."
REPEAT: FIRE THE AD-BLURBISTS!!!!!
France accuses US of blocking Mideast truce
"AT THE MOMENT THE ISRAELIS EVIDENTLY WANT TO NEUTRALISE HEZBOLLAH!!!!!”
Brilliant thinking, Monsieur Defense Minister. We doubt you could neutralize your way out of a paper bag. But then we know what the French would do faced with an enemy: yell SIEG HEIL!
Dell's at a five-year low. This says three things: 1. Unless you're a supertechno-GET-A-LIFE geek, you don't need an expensive computer; 2. Even if you want an expensive computer they're not as expensive; and 3. Outsourcing to INJA pays. Pffffffffffft!!!!!
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Oops, the big two of satradio are suspending production because their receivers EMIT things.
We could say something but we won't.
We will say it looks like ZONNNNNNNNNNNNNNN and crew are about to get a lesson from the marketplace.
We could say something but we won't.
We will say it looks like ZONNNNNNNNNNNNNNN and crew are about to get a lesson from the marketplace.
People who think adultery is some sort of victimless crime ought to read this. While we would not gloat over this story as it is clear a husband and two children are suffering, we must still say we're happy when big-rich-famous types get theirs.
Whoopee: a new version of Rent.
...unorthodox, boundary-breaking musicals....Sheik's throbbing, evocative alternative pop music....
TRANSLATION: Whoopee, a new version of Rent.
...unorthodox, boundary-breaking musicals....Sheik's throbbing, evocative alternative pop music....
TRANSLATION: Whoopee, a new version of Rent.
If FrontPage Magazine is to be believed (!) the Divest-from-Apartheid-Israel movement is abating, but it will never be dead so long as there is EEEEEEEEEEEVIL in the world, committed by YOU-KNOW-WHO.
We don't have to worry about America's food industry larding up our kids if its Web come-ons remain as lame as this.
More genius in the recorded -- SOUND trade:
[Last week's] [n]umbers 2 through 10 sold a total of 487,784. Numbers 11 through 20 sold 388,125. That came to a grand total of 875,909.
The No. 1 album, a collection of singles called "Now That's What I Call Music! Vol. 22," sold 387,935. But that’s an anomaly. The sales of actual albums begins with No. 2, by rapper Pimp C, who sold 90,000 units.
With "Now 22," the Top 20 totaled just over a million CDs. Without it, it was well below.
Look at it this way, Rog -- it's a lot more GENIUS to go undiscovered!
[Last week's] [n]umbers 2 through 10 sold a total of 487,784. Numbers 11 through 20 sold 388,125. That came to a grand total of 875,909.
The No. 1 album, a collection of singles called "Now That's What I Call Music! Vol. 22," sold 387,935. But that’s an anomaly. The sales of actual albums begins with No. 2, by rapper Pimp C, who sold 90,000 units.
With "Now 22," the Top 20 totaled just over a million CDs. Without it, it was well below.
Look at it this way, Rog -- it's a lot more GENIUS to go undiscovered!
SHUCKS, Viacon is NOT going to buy a paper to go with its COMEDY CENTRAL NEWS NETWORK.
Why not go whole hog, Sumner? Then YOU can run pretentious ads that say, MORE AMERICANS GET THEIR NEWS FROM COMEDY CENTRAL THAN FROM ANY OTHER SOURCE!
Pfffffffffffffffffffffffffft!!!!!
Why not go whole hog, Sumner? Then YOU can run pretentious ads that say, MORE AMERICANS GET THEIR NEWS FROM COMEDY CENTRAL THAN FROM ANY OTHER SOURCE!
Pfffffffffffffffffffffffffft!!!!!
The liberal who really isn't a liberal is running for president?!?
Obama sounds sexy now, but Potemkin candidates don't last very long, unless they're called Dubya.
Obama sounds sexy now, but Potemkin candidates don't last very long, unless they're called Dubya.
Here's the latest self-defeating newspaper fad: front-page ads. They might bring in the revenues, but they'll also provide the another reason for people to stay away from newspapers, as if they don't have enough already.
(Via MediaBistro)
(Via MediaBistro)
HOLLYWOOD'S FRIGHTENED OF THE AXE!!!!!
We're frightened of your PROPERTIES.
It couldn't happen to a nicer bunch of elitist twits.
But so long as just the little guys get hurt then it's okay.
We're frightened of your PROPERTIES.
It couldn't happen to a nicer bunch of elitist twits.
But so long as just the little guys get hurt then it's okay.
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Judge overturns state law requiring Wal-Mart to spend more on heath care
This is OUR day!
P. S. Why do I get this idea people with computers may not be as smart as they think?
This is OUR day!
P. S. Why do I get this idea people with computers may not be as smart as they think?
In the Middle East, where is our sense of proportion? Where is our sense of perspective? Where is our sense of decency? And, finally, just how smart are we?
I don't know how smart we are, but you were smart enough to bend on holy knee to MR. MEAN BUSINESS and UNCLE BERNIE SCHWARTZ when it worked, and you were smart enough to change your tune when it didn't work.
I don't know how smart we are, but you were smart enough to bend on holy knee to MR. MEAN BUSINESS and UNCLE BERNIE SCHWARTZ when it worked, and you were smart enough to change your tune when it didn't work.
Links to Korea
Koreans and Americans of Korean decent [SIC] have become a major force on the U.S. junior golf circuit and LPGA Tour. [Home-page squib]
And they're descent too!
Koreans and Americans of Korean decent [SIC] have become a major force on the U.S. junior golf circuit and LPGA Tour. [Home-page squib]
And they're descent too!
China says number of Web users hits 123M
And all of them spied on and censored.
Right, Mr. Warner Bros.?
P. S. YHOO down $6.62 to "a two-year low."
G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE IS NEXT!
And all of them spied on and censored.
Right, Mr. Warner Bros.?
P. S. YHOO down $6.62 to "a two-year low."
G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE IS NEXT!
Comic CON begins with RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! publishing COMIC BO -- GRAPHIC NOVELS!
Let the dumbing down begin!
And speaking of Comic CON: the TWXSTERS aren't previewing that stupid horror movie about snakes, so we can imagine how bad IT is.
Let the dumbing down begin!
And speaking of Comic CON: the TWXSTERS aren't previewing that stupid horror movie about snakes, so we can imagine how bad IT is.
An analysis of the 100 largest technology companies finds that those with the highest-paid CEOs in 2005 had the worst returns.
This is news?
(Via Slashdot)
This is news?
(Via Slashdot)
As others have noted, we need only imagine Abe Lincoln, a clinical depressive, on Prozac: “Well, the Union is finished, we’re two countries now, and slavery is a fact of life, but hey, I feel good about myself.”
Where have you been, Florence King?
Where have you been, Florence King?
Katie Couric's listening tour is just a gimmick
This being Jonny Hairshirt I will merely say no comment.
This being Jonny Hairshirt I will merely say no comment.
No, we are NOT in an age of SUPERDUPERMEGABLOCKBUSTERS; we're in an age of 500 million people talking to their navels.
This is GOOD NEWS!
(Via the usual ArtsJournal.com)
This is GOOD NEWS!
(Via the usual ArtsJournal.com)
A Time editorial [SIC] recommends that the U.S. abandon its policy of not negotiating with terrorists in the interest helping to resolve the Middle East's many conflicts.
> Robert Malley is Middle East program director at the International Crisis Group. From 1998 to 2001 he was President Clinton's special assistant for Arab-Israeli affairs [SIC]
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!
> Robert Malley is Middle East program director at the International Crisis Group. From 1998 to 2001 he was President Clinton's special assistant for Arab-Israeli affairs [SIC]
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Most Bloggers Don't Think of Themselves as Journalists
Which means two things: 1. Most bloggers aren't, and 2. Most bloggers should.
(MediaBistro link)
Which means two things: 1. Most bloggers aren't, and 2. Most bloggers should.
(MediaBistro link)
"Stay in the fight. Don't retreat. And our values will win in November."
Yeah. Like the values of the RED-STATE SCORPION.
The Woman of the Year of the Woman is in a runoff?!?
Yeah. Like the values of the RED-STATE SCORPION.
The Woman of the Year of the Woman is in a runoff?!?
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! DEY WON' WET US PWINT AN EXCEWENT NEWSPAPUH ANYMOWUH! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!
An excellent paper that ignores important stories.
(Via the usual Romy)
An excellent paper that ignores important stories.
(Via the usual Romy)
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Well! Remember that stolen laptop with all those millions' of veterans' names? The Feds recovered it.
And not a moment too soon as Dubya was ready to spend $500 billion to fix the problem.
And not a moment too soon as Dubya was ready to spend $500 billion to fix the problem.
Norman "Before Swine" Pearlstine is heading to Wall Street, which puts us in mind of THE MASTER's great line: "He will not, whither he is now gone, find much difference, I believe, either in the climate or the company."
Mickey Spillane, history's most profitable bad novelist and beer pitchman, is dead. RIP.
P. S.
He also carried on a long epistolary flirtation with Ayn Rand, an admirer of his writing.
JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!! K-LO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
P. S.
He also carried on a long epistolary flirtation with Ayn Rand, an admirer of his writing.
JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!! K-LO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Older audiences want to see a different kind of film. Maybe, as Norma Desmond once said, the movies have gotten smaller. But might not they be getting better, too?
No they might not, as THE CONSPIRACY has been making them for too long for stupid teens.
(Via ArtsJournal)
No they might not, as THE CONSPIRACY has been making them for too long for stupid teens.
(Via ArtsJournal)
Putting aside the obvious that most of history is accidental, I see what Richard Cohen is trying to say, though the nub is almost inexpressible -- but read stories like this and you realize too much of history is intentional.
Not satisfied with cloning its stores, CVS is cloning mini-clinics!
I would say CVS is the Mickey D's of medicine but that's a compliment.
I would say CVS is the Mickey D's of medicine but that's a compliment.
News hacks think that by pruning things like the width of the paper they insure their survival. They would never think that it's what's ON the paper that matters; and narrowing the page an inch or an inch and a half or five inches or printing it tabloid or in green ink will not change the INVINCIBLE AURA OF SUPERIORITY at a place like THE PAPER OF RE-CORD.
One can be sure the paper's little guys will get fired long before any of our SAINTED TRUTH TELLERS.
(Via the inevitable ROMY)
P. S. Indeed; it's firing 250 little guys -- and is making up for the loss of width by adding more pages. LET THEM EAT NEWSPRINT!
One can be sure the paper's little guys will get fired long before any of our SAINTED TRUTH TELLERS.
(Via the inevitable ROMY)
P. S. Indeed; it's firing 250 little guys -- and is making up for the loss of width by adding more pages. LET THEM EAT NEWSPRINT!
Monday, July 17, 2006
Meanwhile, Jennifer Panicali, the 22-year-old beauty who was the bystander most seriously injured in the blast, was recovering yesterday at her Staten Island home.
Her uncle, a retired undercover cop, described her wounds as hundreds of "tiny but excruciating" paper cuts.
"She's got that all over, with some [glass and wood splinters] so deep they're hard to get out," said the uncle, who didn't want his name used.
Hey Dr. Nincompoop, wherever you are (and we suspect it makes today's summer heat seem cool), we hope you're satisfied.
Her uncle, a retired undercover cop, described her wounds as hundreds of "tiny but excruciating" paper cuts.
"She's got that all over, with some [glass and wood splinters] so deep they're hard to get out," said the uncle, who didn't want his name used.
Hey Dr. Nincompoop, wherever you are (and we suspect it makes today's summer heat seem cool), we hope you're satisfied.
Speaking of CNN.com, another Juxtaposition of the Day:
Sinatra's long-time pianist dies
Barry Manilow tunes used to drive away revelers
Sinatra's long-time pianist dies
Barry Manilow tunes used to drive away revelers
Israeli miltary says airstrike in Lebanon destroys long-range Iranian missile capable of reaching Tel Aviv, AP says. [CNN hed]
Meantime the world turns askance, and rationalizes.
Meantime the world turns askance, and rationalizes.
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW:
Once a source of serious information, network TV has become an entertainment medium full of celebrity "information," as well as consumer-friendly "news-you-can-use," says Ralph Begleiter, a former CNN foreign affairs correspondent, who now teaches journalism at the University of Delaware.
He points out that in the 1970s the three broadcast networks devoted some 400 hours annually to news documentaries. "Today," he says, "I dare you to find a single hour of broadcast news documentary."
Like, er, THE SELLING OF THE PENTAGON? Or THE UNCOUNTED ENEMY: A VIETNAM DECEPTION?
Once a source of serious information, network TV has become an entertainment medium full of celebrity "information," as well as consumer-friendly "news-you-can-use," says Ralph Begleiter, a former CNN foreign affairs correspondent, who now teaches journalism at the University of Delaware.
He points out that in the 1970s the three broadcast networks devoted some 400 hours annually to news documentaries. "Today," he says, "I dare you to find a single hour of broadcast news documentary."
Like, er, THE SELLING OF THE PENTAGON? Or THE UNCOUNTED ENEMY: A VIETNAM DECEPTION?
Juxtaposition of the Day on IWantMedia.com:
CBS Evening News Not 'A Dying Product'
Is MSNBC, at Age 10, Still Needed?
CBS Evening News Not 'A Dying Product'
Is MSNBC, at Age 10, Still Needed?
We're happy when the superrich and superfamous get themselves in messy personal disputes. Something bad has to happen to these preeners once.
Not that divorces, as practiced by the superrich and superfamous, seem to burst their huge egos.
Not that divorces, as practiced by the superrich and superfamous, seem to burst their huge egos.
As a group, the Top 200 spent $49.14 billion in 18 media monitored by TNS in 2005, up 6.6%. They accounted for one-third of the $148.29 billion spent in all measured advertising, up a modest 3% from the prior year.
The Top 200 still heavily favor TV, placing 58% of their media budgets into the five monitored forms of the medium.
Network TV, the largest single measured media category among these heavy hitters, grew 4.8% to $13.26 billion, topping overall growth in the medium of only 1.9% in 2005. The Top 200's tally represented nearly three-quarters of all spending on network TV....
The Top 200 in 2006 is expected to lead all advertisers out of the ad funk that left 2005 media growth at only 3%. Media expenditures have picked up steam this year, hitting 5.2% growth to $34.92 billion for all advertisers in the first quarter, with network TV up 12.3%, spot TV up 6.4% and internet up 19.4%. With congressional elections in November, spot TV will get yet another chance to pick up steam.
REVERSE ROBINHOODISM FOREVER!!!!!
The Top 200 still heavily favor TV, placing 58% of their media budgets into the five monitored forms of the medium.
Network TV, the largest single measured media category among these heavy hitters, grew 4.8% to $13.26 billion, topping overall growth in the medium of only 1.9% in 2005. The Top 200's tally represented nearly three-quarters of all spending on network TV....
The Top 200 in 2006 is expected to lead all advertisers out of the ad funk that left 2005 media growth at only 3%. Media expenditures have picked up steam this year, hitting 5.2% growth to $34.92 billion for all advertisers in the first quarter, with network TV up 12.3%, spot TV up 6.4% and internet up 19.4%. With congressional elections in November, spot TV will get yet another chance to pick up steam.
REVERSE ROBINHOODISM FOREVER!!!!!
Google Dell customer service problems and you get 2,950,000 hits, which seems like a lot by any standards. (Just to check, we did "Britney Spears" customer service problems and got only 181,000 results. It's good, Britney, but there's still work to do.) (July 11, 2005)
Google Dell customer service problems TODAY: 15,700,000 HITS. (Britney Spears gets 541,000. We can ALL do better. IT&T gets 9,880,000.)
Google Dell customer service problems TODAY: 15,700,000 HITS. (Britney Spears gets 541,000. We can ALL do better. IT&T gets 9,880,000.)
To the two or three people who'd care (assuming that many): I could not blog over the weekend because my IT&T (that's AT&T) DSL line went suddenly and mysteriously down, and when I called customer service in INNNNN-DJJJJJA it took a half-hour to understand the guy as he read from his cue cards and all he did was slow up my logon. I am switching to Verizon today -- it's cheaper for one thing -- and am sending a nice letter to a man named WHITACRE.
CORRECTION: A man named ACKERMAN.
CORRECTION: A man named ACKERMAN.