THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
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Saturday, April 17, 2010
5:45 PM Barron's Andrew Bary says Wall Street's reaction to the Goldman Sachs (GS) fraud charges is overblown. "Patient buyers of Goldman stock probably will come out ahead, given the company's low valuation and the likelihood that even a defeat at the hands of the SEC probably will be financially tolerable."
DOW UP 1,000 MONDAY!!!!!
DOW UP 1,000 MONDAY!!!!!
We must confess to our amazement that the League of Nations -- the League of Nations -- has prodded Pakistan into reopening the investigation into Benazir Bhutto's assassination. I'm sure in some warrens of Turtle Bay they're saying this is almost like bringing the prime minister of Israel to trial for war crimes, as I suspect they would say, so we'll just chalk this up to sloth and let it rest.
Charles seems to forget the real purpose of a Paper of Re-CORD cri-TIC is to make people all over America scratch their heads and ask, "Am I missing something?"
(Via the usual AHTSJournal, which is frequently missing something)
(Via the usual AHTSJournal, which is frequently missing something)
Friday, April 16, 2010
TRANSLATION: GOD'S SERVANTS were guilty of making money.
We would note, however, that HENRY HONEST! was guilty of selling Amazon.com at $15,000 a share, or whatever it was.
(Via Seeking Alpha)
We would note, however, that HENRY HONEST! was guilty of selling Amazon.com at $15,000 a share, or whatever it was.
(Via Seeking Alpha)
We'd hoped when Bloomy took over BizWeek it would improve it. This five-page distillation of buzzwords, business cliches and PC "leadership" folderol says fat chance. The very presence of "LEGENDARY" proves it.
We note today Reed Elsevier folded twenty-three biz rags, a few unjustifiably -- and not, alas, including the obsolete Big V. We now wonder why Bloomy had to keep McGraw-Hill from putting BizWeek out of its misery.
P. S. This fellow suggests GE BANCORP's soon-to-meet shareholders vote out all but three of its directors, so we can imagine what it's REALLY like.
We note today Reed Elsevier folded twenty-three biz rags, a few unjustifiably -- and not, alas, including the obsolete Big V. We now wonder why Bloomy had to keep McGraw-Hill from putting BizWeek out of its misery.
P. S. This fellow suggests GE BANCORP's soon-to-meet shareholders vote out all but three of its directors, so we can imagine what it's REALLY like.
Daryl Gates, who to the delight of news hacks everywhere became the most tone-deaf police chief this side of Frank Rizzo, has died. RIP.
A man who looks like everyone's caricature of the well-paid, well-fed, well-connected BELTWAY INSIDER may run for president in 2012.
Between him and NEWT it would be a battle to see which is the heavier heavy.
Between him and NEWT it would be a battle to see which is the heavier heavy.
"Last week, she told me her pain was 100 on a scale of 1 to 10," Matthew Parlette said. "She said to me, 'I'd rather choose life with this pain than death without it. Choose life, Matthew. Always choose life.' "
What a radiant thought, especially in such an awful circumstance.
What a radiant thought, especially in such an awful circumstance.
The U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission today sued Goldman Sachs Group Inc., accusing the company and one of its vice presidents of defrauding investors by misstating and omitting key facts about a financial product tied to subprime mortgages.
How can GUVMENT turn against GUVMENT SACHS?
And down 9, too -- the true believers of capitalism are taking it hard.
P. S. at 11:00 a. m. Now down 18 -- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHH!!!!!
(Via FinViz)
How can GUVMENT turn against GUVMENT SACHS?
And down 9, too -- the true believers of capitalism are taking it hard.
P. S. at 11:00 a. m. Now down 18 -- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHH!!!!!
(Via FinViz)
Just 13 returning shows have seen their viewership increase this year, and of those just five shows are scripted.
The remainder are either reality shows, sports or newsmagazines, according to a report put out yesterday by Horizon Media senior vice president of research Brad Adgate, who analyzed Nielsen data.
Adgate found that more than a dozen shows have seen viewership fall by more than 20 percent this season, and another 20 have taken a 10 percent to 20 percent hit, including Wednesday's "American Idol."
The solution is for advertisers to increase their spending on junk TV by 50 percent!
Viewers aren't just tuning in to reality shows in bigger numbers; they're choosing them over scripted alternatives.
You mean they're not watching all that BURGEONING GENIUS?!?!?
The remainder are either reality shows, sports or newsmagazines, according to a report put out yesterday by Horizon Media senior vice president of research Brad Adgate, who analyzed Nielsen data.
Adgate found that more than a dozen shows have seen viewership fall by more than 20 percent this season, and another 20 have taken a 10 percent to 20 percent hit, including Wednesday's "American Idol."
The solution is for advertisers to increase their spending on junk TV by 50 percent!
Viewers aren't just tuning in to reality shows in bigger numbers; they're choosing them over scripted alternatives.
You mean they're not watching all that BURGEONING GENIUS?!?!?
Philadelphia is becoming more dependent on college, hospital, nonprofit and tourism jobs as private-sector jobs keep leaving town, the new report shows.
YOU DID IT, EDDIE!!!!! WE HEAR YOU!!!!!!!!!!
YOU DID IT, EDDIE!!!!! WE HEAR YOU!!!!!!!!!!
Nearly two dozen congressional fundraisers held at D.C. Springsteen shows last year
Why not? Isn't He the Official Singing Tribune of the People for the Democratic Party?
Why not? Isn't He the Official Singing Tribune of the People for the Democratic Party?
JPOD says youngsters supposedly making $10,000 films are aided and abetted by "a press corps that acts more like a public-relations arm of the movie business than a cool journalistic eye on it."
We'll take this as definitive from a man who's done a little PR work himself.
We'll take this as definitive from a man who's done a little PR work himself.
We wonder how ANY Paper of Re-CORD columnist could EVER be wrong.
But then you know the old saying: a thousand wrongs make a ...never mind.
(Via MediaBistro)
But then you know the old saying: a thousand wrongs make a ...never mind.
(Via MediaBistro)
There's this huge debate going on in places where people stare at their navels as to whether "speculators" should invest in movees. We say yes. The industry gets the best of two worlds: more money to burn and more people to burn it.
Why the heck would His Omnipotence care for space exploration? Aren't there cities to rebuild, and health care to reform, and Israel to scold -- and besides, who needs to scour God's creation when we already have God in the White House?
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Because THE MASTERS OF MOUNTAIN VIEW have been playing mind games on my hits with their algorithms (thankfully they had a VERY good day after the bell) I've not bothered to make sarcastic comments about ARCHDaily!'s latest masterpieces. Well here are a few:
It's a bird! It's a plane! It's -- COACHELLA!!!!!
What is it?!?!?
Actually we don't find this so bad -- but it IS in THE GREATEST ECONOMIC MIRACLE OF ALL TIME, and what are the chances its "400,000 square meters" will be as actively trod as, say, that architectural masterpiece in...BEIJING?
Why can't we have artsy factories in our cities too?
Obviously three-footed aliens have tried breaking into this building....
A new kind of security fence!
Hiding in Triangles
And when gravity occurs the designers had better hope people won't be hiding in triangles.
"Have a Nice Day"
...says Mr. Freeze.
It's a bird! It's a plane! It's -- COACHELLA!!!!!
What is it?!?!?
Actually we don't find this so bad -- but it IS in THE GREATEST ECONOMIC MIRACLE OF ALL TIME, and what are the chances its "400,000 square meters" will be as actively trod as, say, that architectural masterpiece in...BEIJING?
Why can't we have artsy factories in our cities too?
Obviously three-footed aliens have tried breaking into this building....
A new kind of security fence!
Hiding in Triangles
And when gravity occurs the designers had better hope people won't be hiding in triangles.
"Have a Nice Day"
...says Mr. Freeze.
Any "international" corporation, and especially any such corporation belonging to any lobbying group, has an obligation to violate any code of ethics, especially when its profits are at stake.
And any such corporation founded by a man who is now SAVING THE WORLD has a double obligation.
Microsoft said supplier non-compliance with its code of conduct could result in "corrective action plans, remedial training, certification requirements, cessation of further business awards until corrective actions are instituted, and termination of the business relationship".
WHATEVER THAT MEANS.
(First link via HENRY HONEST!)
And any such corporation founded by a man who is now SAVING THE WORLD has a double obligation.
Microsoft said supplier non-compliance with its code of conduct could result in "corrective action plans, remedial training, certification requirements, cessation of further business awards until corrective actions are instituted, and termination of the business relationship".
WHATEVER THAT MEANS.
(First link via HENRY HONEST!)
It's about time: Noo Yawk's rubber rooms were a national disgrace. We can't afford them now and we never should have afforded them.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
3:10 PM Ken Fisher [a highly favored advertiser at FORBESLIST.COM] says pessimists fail to take into account the big spread between short- and long-term interest rates, a classic indicator of an economy on the verge of recovery, and ignore the amount of junk bonds sold in Q1.
DOW 1,000,000!!!!!!!!!!
3:32 PM Eurozone combined debt may top 100% of GDP in the next few years, and high public-sector borrowing could have "severe consequences" for growth and stability, ECB's Juergen Stark warns. "These fiscal developments are all the more worrying in view of projected ageing-related spending increases."
DOW 2,000,000!!!!!!!!!!
DOW 1,000,000!!!!!!!!!!
3:32 PM Eurozone combined debt may top 100% of GDP in the next few years, and high public-sector borrowing could have "severe consequences" for growth and stability, ECB's Juergen Stark warns. "These fiscal developments are all the more worrying in view of projected ageing-related spending increases."
DOW 2,000,000!!!!!!!!!!
Intel Corp. executives say the chip maker's first-quarter results revealed a surprising and encouraging trend: Companies are finally starting to upgrade their workers' laptops.
That's important because corporate spending on personal computers has been one of the last parts of the technology world to thaw as companies unlock budgets frozen during the recession. The news boosted Intel shares to a new high for the year.
But there's a catch, according to Intel CEO Paul Otellini: Many companies are buying PCs again because it's simply less expensive than hanging on to older machines that need frequent maintenance. He said many customers were buying computers with older Intel chips, which are less profitable for the company than the newer products.
"I'm still not going to go out on a limb, and our customers aren't going to go out on a limb, and say there's a corporate refresh snapback cycle," he said. "People are buying things to replace older machines because it's just cheaper."
DOW 500,000!!!!!!!!!!
That's important because corporate spending on personal computers has been one of the last parts of the technology world to thaw as companies unlock budgets frozen during the recession. The news boosted Intel shares to a new high for the year.
But there's a catch, according to Intel CEO Paul Otellini: Many companies are buying PCs again because it's simply less expensive than hanging on to older machines that need frequent maintenance. He said many customers were buying computers with older Intel chips, which are less profitable for the company than the newer products.
"I'm still not going to go out on a limb, and our customers aren't going to go out on a limb, and say there's a corporate refresh snapback cycle," he said. "People are buying things to replace older machines because it's just cheaper."
DOW 500,000!!!!!!!!!!
Conservatives shouldn't "surrender" to the SCREAMERS AT FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!NEWS. The problem is when a conservative does the right thing that makes him a hero to JONBOYS, who are automatically suspect because they are PC to the nth degree. I hate screaming partisans of every type -- especially the type who've learned how to scream without screaming.
GROUPON IS CHEAP AT $1.2 BILLION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Cheap overemphasis added]
GEKKO KUDLOW AND THE WALL STREET CASINO ARE BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GEKKO KUDLOW AND THE WALL STREET CASINO ARE BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Going to the movies always involves a little disappointment, since what is promised is rarely what is delivered.
MOGUL'S FRIEND! We thought you said the movies DELIVERED!!!!!
Like Domino's?
P. S. Pushing on we see he says TV IS BETTER THAN EVER!!!!!, so we can go back to not reading him.
MOGUL'S FRIEND! We thought you said the movies DELIVERED!!!!!
Like Domino's?
P. S. Pushing on we see he says TV IS BETTER THAN EVER!!!!!, so we can go back to not reading him.
And looking at this year's P-Ulitzer Prizes what strikes us is how the hacks now generally avoid giving awards to stories that might cause political offense -- certainly not the way it was in the Seventies, when America's Clark Kents stopped a war and ditched a president! This makes us wonder how useful even the best reporting is, and all that lobbying for the medallions further says this reporting may either not be the best, or it's specially formulated to win prizes, and never gets followed up. We've said that before but we must say it again.
And with the arts prizes we haven't heard of most of the winners as usual except the committee did give an award to a downer musical with a tiny cult following, and it further gave a "citation" to someone who died fifty years ago, evidently unconcerned George Gershwin never got HIS P-Ulitzer.
The Board, chaired by Anders Gyllenhaal, executive editor of the Miami Herald, made the award after a confidential survey of experts in popular music. [Expert emphasis added]
TRANSLATION: Next year...THE BOSS -- or maybe ARTHUR PENN.
P. S. We're not knocking Hank Williams -- he was a great songwriter and singer -- but isn't this a white flag in the face of the recorded...SOUND biz, not to mention masterWUHKS like NEXT TO NORMAL?
P. P. S. Mr. McNulty's ticked because The Board ignored "the new guard of American playwriting" -- meaning plays whose audiences you can count on the fingers of no hands.
It was fortuitous that Bill Clinton and his family attended "Next to Normal" just prior to its winning the prize.
Fortuitous?
(Mr. McNulty's diatribe via the usual Romy)
And with the arts prizes we haven't heard of most of the winners as usual except the committee did give an award to a downer musical with a tiny cult following, and it further gave a "citation" to someone who died fifty years ago, evidently unconcerned George Gershwin never got HIS P-Ulitzer.
The Board, chaired by Anders Gyllenhaal, executive editor of the Miami Herald, made the award after a confidential survey of experts in popular music. [Expert emphasis added]
TRANSLATION: Next year...THE BOSS -- or maybe ARTHUR PENN.
P. S. We're not knocking Hank Williams -- he was a great songwriter and singer -- but isn't this a white flag in the face of the recorded...SOUND biz, not to mention masterWUHKS like NEXT TO NORMAL?
P. P. S. Mr. McNulty's ticked because The Board ignored "the new guard of American playwriting" -- meaning plays whose audiences you can count on the fingers of no hands.
It was fortuitous that Bill Clinton and his family attended "Next to Normal" just prior to its winning the prize.
Fortuitous?
(Mr. McNulty's diatribe via the usual Romy)
I know THE WINNER OF FOUR P-ULITZER PRIZES MUST be good, but you wouldn't suppose that, puff pieces notwithstanding, MR. IN-YOUR-FACE may be shaving one or two points off His Omnipotence's poll numbers? Huh?
Midgets like Bart and their dwarf leaders Babs and Whiny were so busy rushrushrushing HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTORY through their hermetically sealed chambers they may have denied their own people Federal health-care coverage -- and they screwed up ehdyukayshun reform big time!
HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTORY marches on!
(First link via MICHAEL!!!!!!!!!!)
HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTORY marches on!
(First link via MICHAEL!!!!!!!!!!)
Yesterday on the way home I noticed men installing what looked like awnings on the sides of a hoity-toity restaurant housed in an old brokerage. Why does this building need awnings? Today on the way to work I noticed twenty-five big rigs around the premises and lots of silver-trimmed black boxes with handles, and lots of cables, and the windows covered with black curtains, and I instantly rolled my eyes, and I knew someone who thinks he's important was there -- and sure enough I saw
THE LORD GOD SUMNER'S LOGO, which made me think, uh oh, another bad romantic comedy -- and another excuse for EDDIE to boast about all the jobs for waiters and janitors and bellhops he's creating for the 21st-century economy. Which made me think, why do they need all this heavy-lifting and heavy equipment for a flop? Didn't SUMNER boast about how His company disseminated a zillion-dollar-B. O. excretion someone made for $10,000? Why all this expensive nonsense when people only see tentpoles? Oh, I guess there's a market for bad romantic comedies. Well why must it be on my dime -- as I'm sure SUMNERIA isn't paying ONE THIN ONE for fees or taxes, or spending any money on local businesses?
Oh. It's because someone thinks he's important.
THE LORD GOD SUMNER'S LOGO, which made me think, uh oh, another bad romantic comedy -- and another excuse for EDDIE to boast about all the jobs for waiters and janitors and bellhops he's creating for the 21st-century economy. Which made me think, why do they need all this heavy-lifting and heavy equipment for a flop? Didn't SUMNER boast about how His company disseminated a zillion-dollar-B. O. excretion someone made for $10,000? Why all this expensive nonsense when people only see tentpoles? Oh, I guess there's a market for bad romantic comedies. Well why must it be on my dime -- as I'm sure SUMNERIA isn't paying ONE THIN ONE for fees or taxes, or spending any money on local businesses?
Oh. It's because someone thinks he's important.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
I DO PACK, AND I WILL NOT BLINK!!!!! (Pistol-packin' overemphasis added)
JonBoy, don't you ever get tired of murdering your readers?
JonBoy, don't you ever get tired of murdering your readers?
If it's Sunday it must be Big Double-A-Scribble Time:
1. We shouldn't mock any effort to win Afghan hearts and minds when what passes for civilization is at stake, but there is something off-putting about our using advertising to do it. We'll always remember MISSION ACCOMPLISHED, and that was a form of advertising. Besides, these ads are in English, a language we doubt many Afghans speak comfortably. As we've said before it is a calamity that we don't have Satchmos and Marian Andersons to woo the people who must be our friends, but our culture stopped turning them out a long time ago, and seems inordinately proud of it.
2. MadAve's culture of hyperbole spreads to HYER LURNING:
One academic believes fans of specific shows are more interested in the ads surrounding them. "THERE'S A STRONG LINK BETWEEN INVOLVEMENT WITH PROGRAMMING AND ATTITUDES TOWARD ADVERTISING!!!!!," said Larry DeGaris, an associate professor of marketing at the University of Indianapolis. In a recent national study of 1,121 U.S. adults, Mr. DeGaris found sports fans are about four times more likely to like advertising than non-fans!!!!!
Not everyone feels the same way. "Just because it's promoted as an event doesn't mean that it automatically becomes one and we should pay a lot more for it," said Sam Armando, senior VP-director of strategic intelligence at SMGX, part of Publicis Groupe's Starcom MediaVest Group. [STRONG overemphasis added]
When a media type is more skeptical of advertising than a perfesser I'd say there are a bit too few high-IQ types on our sedate green campuses. We should be grateful it's tougher than ever to earn tenure.
3. General Mills, proud member of the American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers, boosted its media spending (read its financing-junk-television spending) by 33 PERCENT and saw SALES INCREASE THREE PERCENT! WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm guessing in Minneapolis they're working nights and weekends creating Excel spreadsheets and PowerPoint presentations.
4. And sorry, CRAINIACS, despite your somewhat misleading hed ("Is the Party Ending for Private-Label Package Goods?"), some people still believe that buying an expensive brand name may not buy quality.
5.
"It's a fascinating, creepy document, and I don't know whether I love it or hate it," said Steffan Postaer, chief creative officer at Euro RSCG, Chicago. "But I do wish I'd made it."
And Steffy, despite all those WONDERFUL campaigns how many people STILL think of Nike as a company with an attitude that stokes racial hatreds to sell $1000 sneakers even as it pays its Vietnamese help three cents an hour -- and mistreats the help to boot? No wonder Nike's a hit with you MadAveMen. BE LIKE PHIL!
1. We shouldn't mock any effort to win Afghan hearts and minds when what passes for civilization is at stake, but there is something off-putting about our using advertising to do it. We'll always remember MISSION ACCOMPLISHED, and that was a form of advertising. Besides, these ads are in English, a language we doubt many Afghans speak comfortably. As we've said before it is a calamity that we don't have Satchmos and Marian Andersons to woo the people who must be our friends, but our culture stopped turning them out a long time ago, and seems inordinately proud of it.
2. MadAve's culture of hyperbole spreads to HYER LURNING:
One academic believes fans of specific shows are more interested in the ads surrounding them. "THERE'S A STRONG LINK BETWEEN INVOLVEMENT WITH PROGRAMMING AND ATTITUDES TOWARD ADVERTISING!!!!!," said Larry DeGaris, an associate professor of marketing at the University of Indianapolis. In a recent national study of 1,121 U.S. adults, Mr. DeGaris found sports fans are about four times more likely to like advertising than non-fans!!!!!
Not everyone feels the same way. "Just because it's promoted as an event doesn't mean that it automatically becomes one and we should pay a lot more for it," said Sam Armando, senior VP-director of strategic intelligence at SMGX, part of Publicis Groupe's Starcom MediaVest Group. [STRONG overemphasis added]
When a media type is more skeptical of advertising than a perfesser I'd say there are a bit too few high-IQ types on our sedate green campuses. We should be grateful it's tougher than ever to earn tenure.
3. General Mills, proud member of the American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers, boosted its media spending (read its financing-junk-television spending) by 33 PERCENT and saw SALES INCREASE THREE PERCENT! WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm guessing in Minneapolis they're working nights and weekends creating Excel spreadsheets and PowerPoint presentations.
4. And sorry, CRAINIACS, despite your somewhat misleading hed ("Is the Party Ending for Private-Label Package Goods?"), some people still believe that buying an expensive brand name may not buy quality.
5.
"It's a fascinating, creepy document, and I don't know whether I love it or hate it," said Steffan Postaer, chief creative officer at Euro RSCG, Chicago. "But I do wish I'd made it."
And Steffy, despite all those WONDERFUL campaigns how many people STILL think of Nike as a company with an attitude that stokes racial hatreds to sell $1000 sneakers even as it pays its Vietnamese help three cents an hour -- and mistreats the help to boot? No wonder Nike's a hit with you MadAveMen. BE LIKE PHIL!
Matty Moron -- pardon, Moroun is the sort of "developer" we have too much knowledge of in Philthydelphia -- an aging secretive buy-'em-and-hold-'em tycoon who does nothing with his properties, or worse, lets them rot, hoping for the big payoff that never comes -- or perhaps because at heart he accumulates properties the way a cat lady accumulates cats. The GEKKO KUDLOWs who gas on the virtues of free en-ter-prise must explain why their beloved system does such a productive job creating Matty Morouns.
(Edited 8/25/2011; I mispelled his name "Maroun")
(Edited 8/25/2011; I mispelled his name "Maroun")
Clearly, we are not operating a supply-side, free-market model today. What I wish for is sound money and lower tax rates, which would promote sustainable economic growth. Instead, we’re getting easier money and higher tax rates, which could mean a temporary boom today and disappointingly slow growth after that.
GEKKO! You CAN'T possibly be saying that! Don't ALL roads lead to UP?
GEKKO! You CAN'T possibly be saying that! Don't ALL roads lead to UP?