THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
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Saturday, January 03, 2009
Keeping in mind this comes through a NOBEL laureate and hard-core liberals, the idiot PILLHEAD has propagated the idea that CHUCK SCHUMER engaged in a conspiracy to destroy our economy. Turnabout being fair play I could just as easily say PILLHEAD and CHEAP CHANNEL are engaged in a conspiracy to ROT OUR BRAINS.
Whiny Reid didn't want Je$$e Jr. and one or two other black leaders in The One's seat. Does that make Whiny a racist?
(Via the original reporting of Jake Tapper's Political Punch)
(Via the original reporting of Jake Tapper's Political Punch)
Friday, January 02, 2009
Here's another song that won't leave my mind, and it got planted there 44 years ago: As with too many kids my mom schlepped me to see two "family" films with animation in rapid succesion in 1964: Don Knotts in The Incredible Mr. Limpet (which I vaguely recall for being very vivid on screen) and Bill 'n' Joe's first feature, Hey There, it's Yogi Bear (which I don't). Judging from this astonishing press release in Boxoffice Columbia Pictures saw to it that every child in America trundled off to see it, parents in tow; HB's virtual parent Kellogg sold it, and there was a seven-inch LP promo disc you got for submitting box tops; there was even a "live interview" from "Jellystone Park"! (That's our Daws.) I must have nagged mom into buying the Colpix soundtrack, and much as HB's -- output is justly risible they came up with a truly decent score here, not by the usual Hoyt Curtin but by Marty Paich, and with songs* by two quite adequate tunesmiths named Gilbert and Goodwin (the former wrote the lyrics for "Zip-A-Dee-Do-Dah"), and while all the tunes are truly good (why didn't somebody push "Like I Like You", a somewhat...suggestive ballad?), it was the close, "Whistle Your Way Back Home", that stuck in my head even more than the others, and only recently could I locate it and the whole thing on the Web, in a quirky but acceptable download (did any copies survive unscathed?). It just so happens the TWXSTERS recently issued the film on DVD after a long video absence, and a few pirated excerpts on YouTube confirmed my suspicions: it's full limited animation, if you get the gist. Nonetheless from the music alone for the first and last time in their post-MGM careers Bill 'n' Joe did something absolutely right.
*Neither Daws nor the other credited voices sang them. They had -- dubs?
Even Obama can't solve the Middle East problem - and he'd be foolish to try
What? No walking on water?!?
What? No walking on water?!?
Reading Larry Tribe saying the Senate has every right to deprive a seat to Sen.-Select Hack from Illinois why do I think he's really saying what's in it for me?
Charlie Rose said RIP prematurely to a filmmaker on his highly celebrated show. That's okay; we said RIP to Charlie's intelligence a long time ago.
The Russia-Ukraine gas pains should be taken every bit as seriously as the just-resolved PEOPLE WARNER CABLE-SUMNER tantrum (i.e., just another argument over commodities) except it provides Madoffs an excuse to ring up energy prices.
Speaking of SAMMY GLICK...MAN, his opposite number in Big Pharma the despicable Billy Tauzin has just pulled a rich gag: no more pen, pad and clock doodads for prescription drugs. Whether this newfound religion stops deceptive marketing and land-office drug prices, shall we say, remains to be seen - although I think I can see it.
Martha Bayles, who's spoken on this before, says it would be a terrific idea to promote good American culture -- and then spends almost her whole column proving why it won't happen. Producing Our Town "in colloquial Arabic [with] some of Egypt's leading actors" is a terrific idea, but the pros have the upper hand with Saw and [C]RAP, and even Foggy Bottom doesn't have to scratch its head as to why so many hate us. Moreover the idea that we can separate high and low culture has been completely obliterated by mass media's hegemony. To the limited extent it can work we should undertake concerted exports of what is best of our culture, but as I've said before the task is made infinitely more difficult as we don't have Marian Andersons and Satchmos anymore -- and they communicated universal love even more than great culture.
Even as the Madoffs do their patriotic best to bring greed back with an idiot rally, the FDIC loses $8 billion plus bailing out IndyMac, and there are more boondoggles where that came from.
Thursday, January 01, 2009
I think I know what it is with this mutual tantrum of PEOPLE WARNER CABLE and SUMNER. But isn't it a little late in the day and low in the stocks to be playing another game of King of the Hill on the people?
It seems fairly quiet this New Year's. Maybe we're partied out from the Second Coming of the Phillies. (PFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!) Maybe the much-bandied-about glumness has struck us. I'd like to think I'm not the only one who finds it more difficult to celebrate this holiday with the passing of years. I thought the fireworks might not go off at Penn's Landing given the high winds, but they did, and they're pretty as usual. Happy New Year -- and let's hope it will be happier, anyway.
P. S. As the infernal hacks try to make the stroke-bound Dick Clark a teenager again, does anyone here remember why he put himself on? It was as a young-folks' alternative to that senescent fogie playing on CBS. Does anyone remember him? Some people don't know why we play "Auld Lang Syne" anymore. I couldn't find a video of his New Year's act on YouTube. Oh well, "We’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,/For auld lang syne."
P. S. As the infernal hacks try to make the stroke-bound Dick Clark a teenager again, does anyone here remember why he put himself on? It was as a young-folks' alternative to that senescent fogie playing on CBS. Does anyone remember him? Some people don't know why we play "Auld Lang Syne" anymore. I couldn't find a video of his New Year's act on YouTube. Oh well, "We’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,/For auld lang syne."
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Two days ago we posited that somebody was about to be fired.
Well, two days later, somebody still hasn't been fired, but six coaches have been fired elsewhere, leading us to believe it's the air inside Jerry Jones's head.
Well, two days later, somebody still hasn't been fired, but six coaches have been fired elsewhere, leading us to believe it's the air inside Jerry Jones's head.
We don't want to be too hard on our mayor -- he seems like a reasonably capable guy, and furthermore he is our boss -- but shutting down libraries may have cost more than he could have saved.
But see? HP is an international company.
(Via Slashdot -- and given this just appeared a few hours ago we might say, with Slashdot, you're often the last to know)
(Via Slashdot -- and given this just appeared a few hours ago we might say, with Slashdot, you're often the last to know)
Awwwwww, poor One's "disappointed."
His muse Mr. Lincoln seems to have failed him -- and not, we suspect, for the first time.
His muse Mr. Lincoln seems to have failed him -- and not, we suspect, for the first time.
And in other news of overpaid, overexposed typists whom PVT. ZELL should have laid off, we realize it is a waste of bandwidth to dwell on Mogul's Friend's successive outbursts, but the man will just not stop making an ass of himself. His current solution for the Os-CAR®S is twofold: 1. To get the A-CA-DE-MY® to honor as many of the hundreds of GREAT FILMS that it can, and 2. For the IN-DUS-TRY to give big wide platforms for terrific films with zero crowd-pleasing appeal. So irrelevant has this buffoon become that nearly thirty hours after his post it's gathered no comments. For once the sadomasochists who call themselves movee buffs have shown good judgment. With any luck PVT. will find a financial excuse for this bozo to daydream somewhere else -- say, at Northwestern University, where he can be a PERFESSER OF OS-CAR®, or at ROLLING STONE, where he can form a tag team of toadying with PETER TRAVERS.
It was painful to hear yet again of the Columbia catastrophe, but you can't have space exploration without heroes -- nor space accidents without bureaucracies.
Here when you think Blago has defined the term schmuck, he redefines it.
And his choice sounds like the definitive hack.
Would the Dems get so exercised if this choice mattered?
And his choice sounds like the definitive hack.
Would the Dems get so exercised if this choice mattered?
Monday, December 29, 2008
"Senator McConnell — Idiot of the Highest Order" [Kathryn Jean Lopez]
Yes, he must be doing something good.
12/29 05:38 PM
Or maybe he's doing the same thing as DEMOCRATS in a different key.
Yes, he must be doing something good.
12/29 05:38 PM
Or maybe he's doing the same thing as DEMOCRATS in a different key.
Whoever Stole the Huge Statue Out of Bernie Madoff’s Backyard Is Awesome
Or maybe not; it's that much fractionally less money due the creditors.
Or maybe not; it's that much fractionally less money due the creditors.
If "50,000 stores could close without any effect on consumer choice", and "200,000 stores may close in 2009, compared with a record 160,000 in 2008", what does that say for retailing's future?
Maybe if it hadn't opened so many unneeded stores in the first place while neglecting underserved customers thanks to long held prejudices it would have a better future.
Maybe if it hadn't opened so many unneeded stores in the first place while neglecting underserved customers thanks to long held prejudices it would have a better future.
Hollywood's happy, even without a record year
Hollywood's happy? DAVID "NON" GERMAIN's happy. He's happy because the people who feed him the useless self-serving quotes are happy, and by God if they're happy he's happy. Should even an ASSPress reporter be happy?
Wait until next year when you have another chance to use the word "RECORD" indiscriminately. Until then, another NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD to NON!
Hollywood's happy? DAVID "NON" GERMAIN's happy. He's happy because the people who feed him the useless self-serving quotes are happy, and by God if they're happy he's happy. Should even an ASSPress reporter be happy?
Wait until next year when you have another chance to use the word "RECORD" indiscriminately. Until then, another NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD to NON!
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Fifty years after Fidel Castro led a band of rebels to victory over a U.S.-backed dictator, his revolution goes on, Cuba firmly in its grip, in what some view as a triumph and others a tragedy. [Home page squib]
Well JEEZ, al Reut, if we can't make up our minds why bother reporting at all? Not that you're always such eunuchs -- I mean, you decided long ago that "militants" aren't such bad guys even if they kill thousands. What's the matter with you? The operation still hurt?
Well JEEZ, al Reut, if we can't make up our minds why bother reporting at all? Not that you're always such eunuchs -- I mean, you decided long ago that "militants" aren't such bad guys even if they kill thousands. What's the matter with you? The operation still hurt?
WFMU.org's blog has introduced us to a very interesting site that specializes in downloads of schlock videos its proprietor summarily assumes are PD -- mostly seventies programmers (and mostly R-RATED -- and no age check!) and a few made-for-TV movies, all out of circulation for some time, and with luck never to be circulated again. We'd make nothing of it but for two points: 1. SAMMY GLICK...MAN has lost the piracy war, and this stands is its most prominent tombstone this side of BitTorrent; and 2. The next time SAMMY GLICK...MAN boasts about JACK'S SECRET-RECIPE ALPHABET SOUP someone should ask him who lobbied for LEHMAN BROTHERS.
P. S. We've a hunch three of Alexa.com's Top 50 are frequented rather heavily by under-17s. The only good thing is that biz has run even more afoul of piracy.
P. P. S. And speaking of Cowboys, here's another biz that isn't wholly undeserving of it.
P. S. We've a hunch three of Alexa.com's Top 50 are frequented rather heavily by under-17s. The only good thing is that biz has run even more afoul of piracy.
P. P. S. And speaking of Cowboys, here's another biz that isn't wholly undeserving of it.
Five fatal stabbings every week despite Labour’s knife-crime ‘crackdown’
There's an easy answer to this, of course -- ban knives!
We shouldn't be flippant at this but a certain kind of LIBERAL believes he can solve social problems by going after the symptoms of the underlying illness, while the con-SER-va-tive believes he can solve social problems by having people make more money.
There's an easy answer to this, of course -- ban knives!
We shouldn't be flippant at this but a certain kind of LIBERAL believes he can solve social problems by going after the symptoms of the underlying illness, while the con-SER-va-tive believes he can solve social problems by having people make more money.
PREDICTION: Somebody's going to be FIIIIIIIIIIIIII-red tomorrow!
This could be a funnier story than PlaxPlex! Question: Which does more self-inflicted damage: PlaxPlex' guns or Jerry Jones's MOUTH?
This could be a funnier story than PlaxPlex! Question: Which does more self-inflicted damage: PlaxPlex' guns or Jerry Jones's MOUTH?
SHUCKS, MICKEYMOUSE NIXON is ending his interview show Conversations with Myself, blaming the low ratings on not wanting to do the show more than once a month.
With MICKEYMOUSE NIXONS it NEVER has anything to do with YOU.
With MICKEYMOUSE NIXONS it NEVER has anything to do with YOU.
I did not post yesterday in no small part thanks to IT&T, which slowed my connection enough I couldn't download anything. I've given up on the Indians and will switch tomorrow to Verizon, as if that will do any good.
A publisher finally canceled what proved to be a Holocaust "memoir". Even if the book biz could learn from its mistakes it never would, being one of those industries that never makes them.
And here's a candidate for returning some of OUR money, and the mortgage holders': WAMU'S AD AGENCY. (Linked in story below)
Meet John D. Parsons -- WaMu's Employee of the Decade!
He's the one on the left. No, he might be the one on the right.
That the Israelis finally managed a self-defense against Hamas does not negate how the world and Arabs will feel about them: "a superpower with feet of clay, technologically powerful but spiritually weak and quickly cowed by international condemnation." Ultimately self-defense must trump feelings. And if the Israelis killed somewhat more than we might have liked let us remember Hamas would kill 10,000 times as many Israelis as the Israelis killed Arabs, and be done with it.