Posted 5:33 PM by Gene

Oscar-winning director Oliver Stone was arrested for investigation of drug possession and driving while intoxicated, police said Saturday.

It couldn'a happened to a NICER guy.

Calling FIDEL CASTRO! DUBYA's holding Olly as a POLITICAL PRISONER!!!!!

Pffh-hh-hh!

Posted 12:08 PM by Gene

LAUGH OF THE DAY:

In New York, Fringe Politics in Mainstream

Hey PINCH, with YOUR BIBLE fringe politics have ALWAYS been in the mainstream.

Posted 11:33 AM by Gene

MORE NOBLE TRUTH TELLING IN A FLASH FROM A SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGER!

King Fahd is Dead (according to the Washington Times)
Will this hasten change in Saudi Arabia?

Are you CHARLES JOHNSON'S LONG-LOST BROTHER?

The SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGER ROG linked to a UPI story -- and sorry to say it, ROG, UPI these days may not be DEBKA, but it ain't that far away.

Maybe THAT'S how I can get hits -- just type anything that comes to my head and call it NEWS! Other bloggers do -- and they're merely aping THE PRESS.

And of course, in his NEXT POST ROG demands "SCRUPULOUS ACCURACY" from BLOGGERS.

Pffh-hh-hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!

Posted 9:32 AM by Gene

Now a Navy SEAL's been acquitted of abuse charges.

What is with this? All these people should be CONVICTED AND EXECUTED even if they're innocent. I think it's a conspiracy. I think DUBYA and RUMMY...oh, never mind. That's what MOVEON thinks.

Posted 7:07 PM by Gene

An INDIGNITY: in the Yahoo! home page Flash ad for The Longest Yard someone MISSPELLED JOEL SIEGEL'S (ER, SEGAL'S) NAME!

Maybe he ought to fake reviews, like that Sony guy. Oh, I forgot. He already does.

Posted 6:20 PM by Gene

After posting on Laura's suck-up this morning I was depressed to realize practically everyone associated with the TV Bewitched is dead.* (You want gloom? Read this page about Dick York.) Now comes word that an icon of godawful sitcoms, the veteran trouper Eddie Albert, has died, and that means next to no one's left from Green Acres either. (Eva Gabor, for instance, died in 1995.) As genuinely, mortifyingly BAD as Filmways's sitcoms were -- indeed their supreme BADNESS helped inspire the never-ending show-biz disaster that followed -- we can't help mourning, as with the likely end of the Star Trek franchise. Despite their aggressively awful situations and "jokes" and their non-stop laugh tracks (and was ever any TV star more exasperating than Pat Buttram?) they defined, for better or worse (mostly worse) the growing up of millions, and however dreadful Green Acres and The Beverly Hillbillies and Petticoat Junction and The Addams Family were, the highly-polished worse that takes their place is nothing.

*Bewitched's initial sponsor was Chevrolet, and it's still around, but then GM hasn't felt too well lately.

Posted 6:05 PM by Gene

Another underreported story (I got it thorugh a David Frum link): Britain's scrambled eggheads have called off their boycott of Israeli universities. Now let us hope these learned ignorami can keep their bigotries under control.

101 links in Google News, so maybe it isn't THAT ignored.

Posted 6:01 PM by Gene

Indonesia has given an Australian woman twenty years in the hoosegow for smuggling nine pounds of pot.

Isn't this the country that gives you six months for plotting a terrorist attack or something?

Posted 5:12 PM by Gene

Wisam Younis' sole ambition in life, he said Friday, is to kill Americans. So he claimed surprise when he discovered his car bomb had killed eight Iraqis and wounded more than 80 outside a Baghdad restaurant.

WHOOPS! Guess we killed the wrong Americans.

Posted 5:08 PM by Gene

GLIBERAL! One of your HEROES was UP to something:

A porn princess who sizzled on the screen as "Farrah" flopped when she allegedly tried to swindle money out of a bank using the name Olga Mendoza - and was cooling her high heels last night in a New Jersey jail....

Cops believe the 30-year-old ex-stripper worked for a New York-based crime ring that specialized in looting legitimate bank accounts.

Organized crime? No, FREEDOM OF EXPRESSION.

Posted 5:04 PM by Gene

Netscape 8: Microsoft Has A Problem

TIME WARNER, Netscape has a problem -- its market share is between negligible and nil.

If it's any consolation it was my favorite Web browser -- five years ago.

Posted 4:57 PM by Gene

'Next few days are critical,' source tells NBC News.

When does the coup begin?

Posted 4:52 PM by Gene

CENSORRRRRRRRRRSHIP! MARY KAY PULLS ITS ADS FROM THE GREATEST PROGRAM IN NETWORK TV HISTORY!!!!!

I'm no fan of the crackpot Rev. Wildmon, but GOD teaches us that if LIBERALS did the same thing He and His Holy Brethren of the luxury news suites would exalt it to the HEAVENS. SHUT UP, GOD and Your friends. You had Your chance.

Posted 3:22 PM by Gene

Joshua Block, a 12-year-old shareholder, wanted to know if anything was going behind closed doors that investors should be aware of.

He noted that last year, Redstone said his relationship with then COO Mel Karmazin was fine and within a matter of months, Karmazin was gone.

Hey SUMNER! Why don't you appoint young JOSHUA to run VIACON! This kid knows your BUSINESS -- and he'd be CHEAPER!

Posted 3:18 PM by Gene

Dancing bees speak in code

Hey bee! Do you think you could teach me how to dance and speak in code?

Posted 3:14 PM by Gene

The former national finance director for Hillary Rodham Clinton's Senate campaign was acquitted Friday of lying to the government about a lavish 2000 Hollywood fundraising gala.

There goes that conspiracy. Now ON TO THE WHITE HOUSE!

Posted 3:09 PM by Gene

Conference on Nuclear Arms Offers No New Action

This is news?

Posted 3:01 PM by Gene

Ooooooooooooooooh, the Saudis are in A STATE OF ALERT! The beloved GRAND ROYAL POOHBAH is in the HOSPITAL! REBELLION LURKS!

Does that mean WE have to go on a state of alert too?

King Fahd, who moved Saudi Arabia closer to the United States during his two-decade rule....

If we've been closer what would be drifting apart?

Posted 8:29 AM by Gene

Finally, someone comes out for term limits for federal judges. But Jeff Jacoby doesn't come near what we ought to do -- ELECT the Nine Fingers.

Posted 6:47 AM by Gene

Movies will NOT get one iota better so long as well-paid stenographers like LAURA quote PAUL DRECK saying the movies WILL get better.

[Amy Pascal, who inflicts a no-doubt triple-type-A personality on us running Sony Pictures,] predicted that "Bewitched," a romantic comedy about a producer who unwittingly hires a "real" witch for the lead role in a remake of the television show, would have a broad appeal. "If it was a straight-ahead remake of the show," she said, "we would have been guilty of doing the ordinary."

Does that mean the husband's GAY? Dick Sargent was. That counts as NEW THINKING in Hollywood.

And since this dictation taker was able to quote this type-triple-A type with a straight face, we give her -- A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD!

BERNIE WEINRAUB LIVES!!!!! (I forgot -- that's AMY PASCAL'S HUSBAND. How much interviewing got done -- and how much REMINISCING?)

Posted 6:30 AM by Gene

I LIKE ADVERTISING. I WORKED in advertising for years. But advertising can cut its own throat. Surely a great many radio commercials are doing just that. If you create a commercial that immediately makes listeners turn down the volume or, worse, turn the radio off, what good does that do?

For starters it finances companies like CHEAP CHANNEL, who can solicit more ANNOYING RADIO ADS, which keep THE WHEELS OF AMERICAN INDUSTRY TURNING!

Posted 6:26 AM by Gene

"Compared to the previous eras, the members literally have no time but to come to town, attend committee meetings, cast a whole lot of votes, go to triple-booked fundraisers, then get out of town," says Mike Franc, a former congressional staffer now at the Heritage Foundation.

I feel so sorry for them. So now it is an achievement when they do things like this week's filibuster buster.

PLEASE. Lots of people do good works that don't get credit from toadies in papers -- and at least THEY matter.

Posted 6:24 AM by Gene

We need someone to interpret THE PRESIDENT at his press conferences?

How about someone to interpret NEWS HACKS?

Posted 5:22 PM by Gene

The next big blah:

NBC News Chief in Talks to Step Down

Why should we care? Katie will still tell us what to think, Brian will still tell us what to think, and the manufacturers of INCONTINENCE AIDS and DENTURE CLEANERS will still BUY ITS AIR TIME.

Posted 5:12 PM by Gene

And speaking of dishonesty, the hacks are campainging already:

Poll: Majority may vote for Clinton

BUT:

But opposition to 2008 run equally strong[SIC]

OH.

Posted 5:08 PM by Gene

More COURAGE from NEWS HACKS:

'Click and Clack' Dropped From Va. Paper After Advertisers Complain

Of all the topics NEWS HACKS refuse to cover honestly, three they won't cover honestly because their sponsors have their hands in the luxury news suites: autos, real estate and SHOW-BIZ. If they can't cover these three topics honestly, why should we trust them to cover ANYTHING honestly?

Posted 5:05 PM by Gene

More EXCITING NEWS from the THEA-TAH:

Caine Mutiny to Open on Broadway Next Season; Zaks Directs

Isn't this only the twentieth time for this play? Or am I thinking Twelve Angry Men?

Posted 5:01 PM by Gene

From a register tape for a purchase of Chef Boy-ar-Dee Spaghetti and Meatballs at a RONG-AID:

1 CBAD SPGHT MEATBAL14.75Z

Who put the CON in the AAAAAAAAAAAA-GRA?
Ba-doom-boom!
COOOOOOOOOON-AAAAAAAAAAAA-GRA!
BOOM!

Posted 1:51 PM by Gene

Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney has hinted that he’s shifted his position on abortion since his first run for public office, when he pledged to keep abortion "safe and legal in this country."

"Understand, over time one’s perspective changes somewhat," Romney told USA Today. "I’m in a different place than I was probably in 1994, when I ran against Ted Kennedy, in my own views on that."

He added: "I’m personally pro-life."

You running for president?

Posted 1:49 PM by Gene

World must race against time to save Darfur - Annan

I guess the World Saver remembered the story of the tortoise and the hare -- AGAIN.

Posted 11:49 AM by Gene

All charges dropped against Marine in killing of two Iraqis

SHUCKS HACKS, we can't make these charges STICK! Oh well, better luck next frame-u -- TIME.

Posted 10:54 AM by Gene

Surprise: in one of the JOURNALS' puny giveaways, a columnist discloses what any decent blogger might have suspected: most blogs, for all practical purposes, are nonexistent or abandoned; and that the medium is largely -- must use the term again, as he uses it -- DEAD AIR.

Hmmm, and THIS is interesting:

ComScore Media Metrix and Neilsen//NetRatings are the sources most often used by online advertisers to track unique visitors. Neither tracks blogs as a matter of course, though comScore did look up traffic for 13 prominent blogs in April, upon my request (I picked ones from the top of the various rankings). Just five met the company's minimum threshold for statistical significance of about 150,000 monthly visitors. Media and gossip site Gawker had the most, with 304,000 unique visitors. The others that cleared the cut: Defamer (287,000), Boing Boing (250,000), Daily Kos (212,000) and Gizmodo (209,000). Among those that didn't were prominent political blogs Instapundit, Power Line and Eschaton. (I asked NetRatings about the same 13 blogs, and it had reportable data only for Defamer, Daily Kos, Boing Boing and Gizmodo -- and the sample sizes didn't meet standards for statistical significance.) [Emphasis added.]

And still I continue, typing away for nothing.

P. S. Nothing from the Professor, yet -- and less, we suspect, from the POP-UP BLOGGERS OF THE MILLENNIUM.

Posted 10:29 AM by Gene

I guess I'm back on "Next Blog" again. Why in God's name can't somebody link to me? Why must I rely on the Clem Kadiddlehoppers of Mountain View for my hits?

Posted 9:56 AM by Gene

First it was 2006. Now it's December 31, 2008. And most people use their HDTVs to view DVDs. Figure another five years after that before digital is mandatory -- and knowing the CONGRESSPOOPS, they'll give the store away again, to the GREEDCASTERS.

Posted 9:54 AM by Gene

Company Logos on Jerseys? No Sweat, Say the Suits

The ATTITUDE BOYS are preparing for the LOCKOUT.

P. S. Given all the CEOs who want LUXURY BOXES the uniforms may soon resemble badly-pasted-over BILLBOARDS.

Posted 9:49 AM by Gene

Speaking of [C]RAP, I'm becoming convinced Syracuse University is like the colony that breeds under the rock -- or in this case the Carrier Dome. You have Jim Boeheim and his basketball factory, you have the hip crank PERFESSER THOMPSON, and you have THIS GUY. Who called it HYER EHDYUKAYSHUN? This place is lower than SLUGS.

Caveat: this is DAVID HOROWITZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 9:36 AM by Gene

The Times (for ONCE we won't call it THE PAPER OF RE-CORD) devotes a special section to the Chrysler Building, that masterpiece from every angle. As Michael J. Lewis writes with true insight,

Every work of art bears the stamp of the age that made it, but some do so with special clarity. Michelangelo's "David" embodies the Renaissance conviction that the human form was a divine creation and the apex of beauty. The Cathedral at Chartres makes light more important than structure, and expresses the triumph of the spiritual over the material that constituted medieval faith. And the Chrysler Building embodies, as no other building does, the America of the 1920's.

The Twenties were a mammoth decade, surpassed only by the Revolutionary years, or the 1840s, or the Gay Nineties. This singular work of genius by Walter P. Chrysler and William van Alen embodies its optimism, its excess, its zeal, its brilliance. Yes, every work of art bears the stamp of the age that made it, and ours will live forever through American Idol, and [C]RAP, and the permanence of BLOGS.

Pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft!

P. S. Who took that marvelous picture? And why must BUGMEISTER BILL own it?

Posted 6:59 AM by Gene

Stories about subjects like TV ratings could easily be boiled down to a couple of charts, but Bill Carter must perpetually gas in order to perpetually network (no pun intended). The bottom line is, the Big Four averaged 43 million viewers this last season -- among a population of 290 million. Our media masters grow further disconnected from the peons.

Posted 6:44 AM by Gene

Speaking of "comedy" (and speaking of RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), Major Bowes discovered Frank Sinatra. Arthur Godfrey discovered Patsy Cline. Ted Mack discovered Paul Anka and Ann-Margret. Who has RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! discovered but flash-in-the-pans and national jokes?

P. S. RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! flies in a corporate jet "for security reasons", the latest excuse for CEOs to avoid humans. Just as well: WE avoid an ALIEN.

Posted 6:36 AM by Gene

Our modern culture depresses me in no small way because so many find talking to themselves a conversation. Such it is with this alleged indie rock-geek comedian circuit in New York: everyone plays to vest-pocket crowds while convincing themselves they're the latest thing. This is just an offshoot of the Great White 1-0-0 circuit, only on a slightly higher and more PR-savvy plane. Where is the cultural sensation who is not content to stare at his navel?

Posted 6:14 PM by Gene

WE FLUSHED THE KORAN DOWN THE TOILET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OR (THIRTEENTH of TWENTY-ONE GRAFS):

The newly released FBI records do not indicate whether the allegations were investigated or substantiated.

At this rate every other link in ROMY will deal with "Why the public doesn't trust us."

Posted 5:59 PM by Gene

ZONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN seems intent on taking all his former top VIACON LOUDMOUTHS off the PUBLIC AIR!

GO FOR IT! We'll NEVER hear of them AGAIN.

Posted 5:52 PM by Gene

The DEMOCRATIC future of TV for EVERYBODY [LAST GRAF]:

Once every few months, Harvey, a video-game producer, takes time off to travel and record important Buddhist religious leaders giving speeches, which account for most of his programming. Interested listeners also can download meditations but, Harvey admits, "they are just a lot of dead air."

Posted 5:35 PM by Gene

Between the damfool SOUTH PARK CONSERVATIVES and Andrew's favorite columnist endorsing The Worse it Gets, The Better it Is -- Why Show-Biz is Good for You, the CORNER calls itself CONSERVATIVE?

Surprise: Neither book's on the USAOKAY!!!!! list. But THE FLYING KEYBOARD is 58th -- and On Bull---- is 90th. Come to think of it, that's a good title for most books.

Posted 5:20 PM by Gene

Jackson's Defense Rests

What will the cable networks do?

Posted 5:10 PM by Gene

The 238-to-194 vote fell short of the 290 votes needed to override a veto.

TRANSLATION: The perfect story for the summer silly season.

Posted 5:08 PM by Gene

Barry Diller, whom show-biz flacks once saw walking on water, says he might change Ask Jeeves' name.

TRANSLATION: 1. He paid too much, and 2. What's bad as Ask Jeeves won't get any better as Ask OR Jeeves.

Posted 12:24 PM by Gene

What is with G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLEBLOGGER? I haven't gotten ANY hits from the toolbar this past week! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAANYBODY OUT THERE?

Posted 11:33 AM by Gene

I see no difference between this stunt and this stunt except one's political. More cheap stunts like these and we'll have NO reason to even surf for news.

Posted 11:21 AM by Gene

New York Times Co. on Wednesday said it planned to cut 190 jobs, or about 2 percent of its work force, including reductions at its flagship New York Times newspaper.

The company said about two-thirds of the job losses will occur at The New York Times, with less than 25 of the cuts coming from the newsroom, where it said a voluntary reduction program will be in place.

TRANSLATION: The LITTLE GUYS are paying for the BIG GUYS screwing up, as always.

Posted 11:18 AM by Gene

So CEOs are getting fired more frequently. So what? I'd bet they make more per malfeasant year than before.

Posted 9:28 AM by Gene

The company with the cute daisy logo that sells cute non-polluting GASOLINE joins the AMERICAN ASSOCIATION OF WILLFULLY IGNORANT ADVERTISERS' campaign to pull its ads ONLY when confronted with BAD NEWS!

It spends $40 million on CRAPPY TV and half that on PRINT, so we KNOW ITS priorities.

Posted 9:11 AM by Gene

THE DIREC-TOR OF MONTY PYTHON'S BLAZING SADDLES SPEAKS:

"I miss failure."

Hey MORON, you haven't exactly created JULIUS CAESAR. We needn't remind you you started as a COMEDIAN, and went on to direct plays and films that were "successes" with people who think A LOT LIKE YOU. You may miss failure, DIMWIT, but our culture misses SUCCESS thanks to your SUCCESS.

Posted 8:23 AM by Gene

Good Lord:

Britain is suffering a sense of humour failure, with laughter levels three times lower now than 50 years ago and nearly half of all adults unable to enjoy at least one big guffaw a day, research showed.

Imagine -- someone almost as humorless as NEWS HACKS!

This twaddle is from the notorious Agence France Presse, which never misses a chance to show the British up. Whatever happened to ONE EUROPE?

Posted 1:33 PM by Gene

It's official: THE PAPER OF RE-CORD is campaigning for Richard Rodgers' grandson's musical -- not because it's good; in the old days it would probably have run three weeks in a big Broadway house -- but because the likely Tony winner is MONTY PYTHON'S BLAZING SADDLES, and we can't have that, no. That PINCH is going to such lengths to try to avoid an EMBARRASSMENT for the THEATAH by touting a well-meaning show shows the Main Stem's in a pretty fair bind too.

And here's betting SADDLES outruns the best laid plans anyway.

Posted 1:27 PM by Gene

I've noticed lately when someone in show-biz dies he's identified not by name but by his property, as nobody knows the name. Somebody with the enticingly mellifluous moniker of Thurl Ravenscroft, the voice of Tony the Tiger and a long-time Disney man, would not have merited the time of the day when he (so we're told) backed up for Der Bingle, but it has come to an unpleasant cross that this revered voiceover man is likely to be remembered more than most first-string actors of our time. How revoltin'.

Posted 1:21 PM by Gene

SHUCKS, the holy cockroaches admit Osama's man in Iraq has been wounded.

Play for him -- to go to hell.

Posted 11:23 AM by Gene

Unnamed sources are a necessity when covering Bush admin

SEE? I TOLD ya it was THEIR fault!

Posted 6:52 AM by Gene

MIKE ISIKOFF FALLS ON HIS SWORD!

Sort of.

Posted 6:44 AM by Gene

Who says there's no such thing as con-SER-va-tive bias?

7 Republicans abandon GOP on filibuster

Seven Senate Republicans bolted from their leaders last night and dropped their support for the "nuclear option" in exchange for seven Democrats' abandoning filibusters against three of President Bush's judicial nominees.

"This is really good news for every American tonight," Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid, Nevada Democrat, said moments after the deal was announced last night on live television. "This is a significant victory."

That sounds like BOOOOOOOOOO!!! HISSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! if ever I heard it. Lest we forget, before it became KNEE-JERK LIBERAL, the press was KNEE-JERK CONSERVATIVE.

Posted 6:32 AM by Gene

Attorney General Who? may be next up for the Nine Fingers.

I can see it now, ten years hence: THE PAPER OF RE-CORD acclaiming Justice Who? as having "grown in the office" -- even as the TWENTY-FIFTH PUBLIC EDI-TOR moans, "Yes, yes, we've admitted it before, we'll admit it again -- our paper is LIBERAL."

Posted 6:24 AM by Gene

A reporter asks: Would I like to teach?

On a news hack's salary we'd say, HELL NO!

Posted 6:21 AM by Gene

We're shocked. SHOCKED! that LUKE SPIELBERG should be ALL about -- MARKETING.

The Dove Foundation (whatever that is) is another well-meaning group that would minister to our dying culture with Band-Aids.

Posted 8:25 PM by Gene

Oooooooooh, we've averted a crisis!

That means senators won't have to speak even MORE than usual.

Posted 7:13 PM by Gene

Lately every time I've so much as walked into a chain store I've had to endure the unmitigated IDIOCY of Paul McCartney and WINGS. Everything about their noise is kee-yute and cloying and drug-addled and STUPID -- which makes it PERFECT for CREATING STRESS AND ANGER among CUSTOMERS. No this has nothing to do with musical snobbery; while I've been in increasing awe of Mozart's genius these last few days I'm going to spend the weekend rocking to Bill Haley and Johnny Cash. But I already resent it that when we go shopping we must be subjected to CHEAP CHANNEL, even though the company's evidently not in foreground muzak (as one would think it should be, given its desire to annoy the living devil out of people with ADS, regardless of what its guinea-pig listeners may think); and it must always be the same shrivelled selection of Music for Alfred E. Neuman to Drool By, played against our will. The next time I hear SUMWUNKNOKNATDOOH I'm going to knock on the store manager's thick skull and demand to know WHO inflicts this garbage on us, and send a letter to that company's CEO -- and the CHAIN STORE'S.

Posted 5:06 PM by Gene

Now that G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE's headed to the S&P 500 it could soon have a market cap bigger than GE BANCORP and BUGMEISTER BILL'S BUGDOM -- COMBINED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GO FOR IT! Anything for another crash in high-tech.

Posted 5:02 PM by Gene

Comforting: Employees of Bank of the Univer -- AMERICA and Watchoverya, er, Walkoverya, er, WACHOVIA stole customer information and sold it to collection agencies.

Imagine the fun we'd have with ONE NATIONAL BANK? We're GETTING there!

In a separate case with the potential for identity theft, a laptop containing the names and Social Security numbers of 16,500 current and former MCI employees was stolen last month from the car of an MCI financial analyst in Colorado, said company spokeswoman Linda Laughlin.

The car was parked in the analyst's home garage and the computer was password-protected, she said.

That's comforting TOO!

Posted 4:59 PM by Gene

Friedman Agonistes: Will the New York Times columnist read himself?

That's all they EVER read.

Posted 4:57 PM by Gene

Does more Web surfing mean more discontentment?

Posted 2:45 PM by Gene

It's a taint on our profession, and it's another case in which the news is becoming the news.

Isn't that getting to be the point?

Posted 11:17 AM by Gene

TRICK QUESTION:

The state's test writers tried to come up with a math question about football and ended up with a fumble.

On an end-of-grade test this month, seventh-graders had to calculate the average gain for a team on the game's first six plays. But the team did not gain 10 yards on the first four plays and would have lost possession before a fifth and sixth play.

The team opened with a 6-yard loss, a 3-yard gain and a 2-yard loss, which would have made it fourth down with 15 yards to go for a first down. The team's fourth play was just a 7-yard gain, yet it maintained possession for a 12-yard gain and a 4-yard gain on two additional plays.

"Whoever wrote it didn't think it through," said Gene Daniels, athletics director of Salem Middle School in Apex.

Mildred Bazemore, chief of the state Department of Public Instruction's test development section, said the question makes sense mathematically and was reviewed thoroughly.

"It has nothing to do with football," Bazemore said. "It has to do with the mathematical concepts that you're studying."

Whoever got it "right" has a future in CONGRESS -- or with PAUL DRECK.

Posted 8:53 AM by Gene

No 'Fahrenheit 9/11,' film depicts war in Iraq as liberation

THIS IS A CIA JOB!!!!!!!!!!

Hey Mike Isikoff! Look into THIS!! Pffh-hh-hh!

Posted 8:43 AM by Gene

CENSORHSIP! Two TWXSTER RAGS censor an ad for a TWXSTER CHANNEL!

Doesn't this violate TWXSTERS' FIRST AMENDMENT RIGHTS?????

Posted 6:10 PM by Gene

If BLUNDER is to be believed on ANYTHING about ISLAM:

Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf fears a horrific Islamist backlash if he publicly arrests the man seen in parts of South and Central Asia and the Middle East as an Islamic Robin Hood.

TRANSLATION: P-P-P-P-P-P-P-Pakistani P-P-P-P-P-P-P-President P-P-P-P-P-P-P-Pervez...never mind.

And it is comforting to hear the man we used to call RUMMY talk like this:

"When you're hunting for someone and you haven't found them, you haven't found them."

That might count as a vintage Rummyism if it weren't BENEATH CONTEMPT.

Posted 6:04 PM by Gene

Before I forget: today there was some ceremony or entertainment or something at the Academy, and as I waded through an all-black crowd on the way to my local Rong-Aid a young white man walked the other way -- with green hair. I believe Dr. King might have been moved to say, we should not judge people by the color of their skin; we should judge them by the color of their HAIR.

Posted 5:55 PM by Gene

These last several days I've immersed my self in period-instrument recordings of Mozart's symphonies. Does anyone realize he wrote his first at age eight? That sort of thing is unthinkable now, which is why our culture's so great. The next time some ad-blurb copywriter describes a [C]RAPPER as a GENIUS I'd like to scream this fact into his one ear and out his other, which it where it always goes.

A note about pricing and the RECORDED-MUSIC MAFIA: I got a Canadian pressing of this eleven-disc set from an Amazon.com merchant for about $29.00, including shipping. The standard version has different cover art and sells for at least thirty dollars more. How can people takes these clowns seriously -- and why should ANYONE pay fifteen bucks for a music CD?

Posted 4:29 PM by Gene

Another scribbler sells "properties" to Hollywood and becomes a "genius."

So long as we ooh and aah lucky people our "properties" won't get better.

Posted 4:27 PM by Gene

More sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhh:

Scientists Say Sunshine May Prevent Cancer

Posted 1:07 PM by Gene

And now SAMMY GLICKMAN has an EXCUSE: the CHINESE are selling PIRATED COPIES of ST. LUKE'S HOLY VISION!

Hey GLICK, you served in SLICK's cabinet; don't you know the Chinese aren't to be -- NOT TRUSTED?

Posted 12:31 PM by Gene

VERY BAD NEWS for SHOW-BIZ FLACKS: Despite ol' LUKE SPIELBERG and His MAGIC ELIXIR OF MOVIEMAKING, it looks as if YOUR biz will have ANOTHER DOWN WEEKEND! THIS WASN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!!!!! Okay, you had two "hits" at the top of last year's chart -- one of which was a glorified bomb -- but even so, LUKE SHUT EVERYONE ELSE OUT OF THE MULTIPLEXES -- or just as likely, the rest of line-up was SO BAD PEOPLE DIDN'T WANT TO SEE THEM. "What's good for TIME WARNER" doesn't sound so good NOW, does it?

Any bets on the REST of the year?

Posted 8:22 AM by Gene

It appears the Osama Channel's thugs were ready for Mrs. Bush -- at least we must presume so, as whomever it was seems to have heckled her IN ENGLISH.

Okay hecklers -- when are YOU going to stop supporting evildoers like Osama? Oh, they're not evil. They're doing "god's" work. Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Posted 8:13 AM by Gene

Meantime the TWXSTERS get a good chuckle. SHUT UP, TWXSTERS. Hank Luce did things JUST AS BAD in his OWN way.

...Newsweek's "Periscope" section, which features newsy tidbits, is scrutinized less closely than the rest of the magazine.

Which means if the rest of the RAG isn't edited at all....

Posted 8:04 AM by Gene

Well! It's been several weeks since we stuffed an anonymous Koran down an unknown toilet, and a few lives with it, so after splashing on some eau de toilet what does the "CHAIRMAN" of BLUNDER rag propose to do? He will be more CAREFUL using ANONYMOUS SOURCES! Well aren't WE relieved! So we'll cut down on our anonymous sources -- until the next hot story (or chance to trash a CONSERVATIVE REPUBLICAN), when the COMPETITIVE PRESSURES will be too GREAT to bear, and we can soothe ourselves knowing we've TRUSTED and VERIFIED a source nobody else can, which means BLUNDER rag will continue its heritage of running hard-hitting TRUTHS (hard-hitting if you're a CONSERVATIVE REPUBLICAN) and marshmallow-creamy SHOW-BIZ PLUGS -- like the one no doubt coming up for the cartoon maker LUKE SPIELBERG (got THAT one)!

Onward and upward, DICK!

Thank God, I mean, ST. WARREN for disposable circulation clerks -- and that nobody reads the magazine!