Posted 6:38 PM by Gene

Speaking of the BANCORP, we're amazed that no one has noticed this story. Live streaming could kill the NFL, but not to dip a toe in could be worse.

Posted 6:33 PM by Gene

I think we see the GE BANCORP GAMES strategy, St. Warren, Little Jeffy: Us vs. Them. Can that really conquer a twelve-hour tape delay?

Posted 5:06 PM by Gene

Rather than infomercials -- er, CONVENTIONS, David Frum has A BRILLIANT IDEA:

Party conventions could then discover a new purpose as showcases for emerging talent. With the candidate speaking in front of Mount Rushmore or wherever, the party's next generation and second-tier figures could regain the convention microphones that have been progressively removed from them over the past three decades....

Instead of formal oratory, there could be question-and-answer sessions with every one of the party's incumbent governors and panel discussions with congressional leaders. Instead of wandering around downtown Denver or Minneapolis with little to do, delegates could be offered opportunities to join themselves in moderated discussions or to hear serious briefings by invited policy experts. Today's delegates are not the delegates of the 1920s or 1950s: They are hard-working, highly educated community leaders, and they want a more important role than that of extra hands for somebody else's extravaganza production. Of course they enjoy the drinks and the fun. But they also want to engage in purposeful, public-spirited activities in the daylight hours before the show begins -- and the withdrawal of the cameras from the convention creates the perfect opportunity to offer them purposeful activities.

The tightly orchestrated debate over the platform -- always carefully stage-managed lest well-organized activists embarrass the candidate -- could be dispensed with altogether, replaced by genuine substantive discussions undistorted by the need to arrive at some anodyne consensus. Delegates could hear discussions led by policy experts about the issues the next administration will face.

In short, C-SPAN SEMINARS. Believe us, Dave, we have TOO MUCH of those. This would guarantee the few fragments of the infomercials would vanish from network TV altogether -- and from the public consciousness too (as our pundit more-or-less admits).

Now I have an idea, though I'm not paid six-digits-plus to pundit about it: Instead of conventions rewrite the rules so that when one candidate receives a majority of the national primary vote, the candidate automatically wins; no need for lots of buttinskys. It would be formalized at a meeting in Washington, much like a centralized Electoral College, with each state's governor and Congresspoops there to represent it. If no candidate gets a majority THEN the meeting would decide the winner, who'd be chosen behind closed doors and by the bigwigs whatever the format -- although there needn't be anything wrong with a plurality winner. My suggestion might play tricks with primary scheduling, but then any system would, and we have enough such tricks as is.

It is certainly true we shouldn't miss conventions; whether the nation could stand thirty-nine televised ballots nowadays is questionable. But as even Mr. Frum acknowledges why bother with something that costs zillions and whose sole purpose is to create downtown frozen zones?

P. S. Our brilliant pundit wases nostalgic over front-porch campaigns. Can you imagine what the news hacks would think? "HE'S AVOIDING THE PUBLIC!!!!!" Of course they'd be so bored they might stop covering the campaign, a good thing -- unless they concentrated even more on trivia, a real possibility.

Posted 2:07 PM by Gene

A eulogy for a medium that is better than ever:

5 nominated reality hosts to preside over Emmys

Posted 9:27 AM by Gene

Obama defends overseas trip

He has to defend it?

Posted 8:01 AM by Gene

As expected the two sick giants of satradio become one sick giant, meaning, as it becomes just one option among many to hear bad recorded sound, it will slowly fade out.

Posted 6:52 PM by Gene

KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH!

There's no denying that there is a cost-cutting benefit to replacing an older worker with a younger worker who will make less money. But protecting older workers interferes with what's called creative destruction, that tearing down and building up again that allows businesses to thrive. Firing some workers often creates opportunity for others.

Roger Pilon, vice president of legal affairs for the libertarian Cato Institute....

JOHN STOSSEL! YOU'RE JUST AS CEMENT-HEADED AS THE 100-TO-1 MEDIA TYPES FINANCING DEMOCRATS.

Posted 6:38 PM by Gene

Europeans are wary about Obama's call for more European money for defense and more soldiers for the fight against the Taliban in Afghanistan. They worry that he would not alter what they see as Bush's unbending bias in favor of Israel.

TRANSLATION: The Messiah isn't DEMOCRATIC enough.

And, despite what appears to be his sensitivity to European concerns, they perceive Obama as largely uninterested in Europe, even though he is chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations subcommittee responsible for the region.

He's interested now!

Posted 6:26 PM by Gene

Through an encounter with The Mogul's Friend we discovered this astonishing writing from Effete Edelstein:

Not to get all Lee Siegel on you, but the Internet has a mob mentality that can overwhelm serious criticism. There is superb film writing in blogs and discussion groups — as good as anything I do. But there are also thousands of semi-literate tirades that actually reinforce the Hollywood status quo, that say: “If you do not like The Dark Knight (or The Phantom Menace), you should be fired because you do not speak for the people.”

Well, the people don’t need to be spoken for. And a critic’s job is not only to steer you to movies you might not have heard of or that died at the box office. It’s also to bring a different, much-needed perspectives on blockbusters like The Dark Knight.

Alas this quote points to the two different kinds of bad in movie ad-blurbing: the traditional bad, where anointed writers hold the torch of truth while oozing euphoric over masterworks that conform to their narrow-mindedness (and let us not forget, one reason dark is big is because the AD-BLURBISTS LIKED IT); and (as Edelstein notes) the AIN'T-IT-COOL-NEWS bad, which justifies sci-fi-horror dreck as THE PEOPLE'S DRECK. Where both sides are united, however, is in rigidly sticking to their own different perspectives, and more to the point, overrating movies, and that's why movie ad-blurbing, whatever its form, can only get worse.

Posted 5:53 PM by Gene

Sorry, were you taking a bath?

Posted 1:55 PM by Gene

In Tehran, meanwhile, more sober heads among the clerical leadership whose authority is greater than that of the President's are reining in Ahmadinejad, says Javedanfar. After a public scolding in a conservative newspaper by a top aide to the Iran's Supreme Leader, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, Ahmadinejad several weeks ago publicly declared that Iran has no intention of attacking Israel or anyone else unless it was hit first. Halevy concurs. "I don't detect an appetite among the Iranians to bring about a catastrophe." But, he cautions, "There's a narrowing gap of opportunity for negotiations."

Let's hope this isn't typical news-hack wishful thinking; Lord knows the Iranians have sold common sense short.

Posted 1:38 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: The non-speculators think they can pull another one.

Posted 10:48 AM by Gene

AP NEWSALERT!!!!!

WASHINGTON (AP) -- President Bush signs executive order expanding sanctions against Zimbabwe.

Such as...?

Posted 9:25 AM by Gene

We would have mentioned this yesterday but this IS Investor's Business Daily, and NRO linked to it, so we figured, well, it's con-SER-va-tive, and by virtue of its politics false, but now that MEDIABISTRO has linked to it we can say, media types are craven idiots.

Posted 9:21 AM by Gene

OooooOOOOOoooooh, the Rolling Geezers change record labels!

Did Vivendi promise them eternal life? PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!

Posted 9:19 AM by Gene

Obama, Vague on Issues, Pleases Crowd in Europe

Well, whatever wins you European elections.

Posted 9:17 AM by Gene

Does this mean if The Messiah treats His acolytes with the pencils right they'll fall back in love?

Posted 8:37 PM by Gene

Which is not to say our auto companies lacked for ideas, however hare-brained. This remarkable commercial showcases the 1957 Ford Fairlane 500 Skyliner, a handsome convertible with a retractable roof. Watch this video and you'll see only three things are wrong: 1. The top takes too long to appear and disappear; 2. It probably broke after a couple of tries, meaning Ricardo's Spanish might not have been so happy; and 3. Only the top fits in the trunk (although I've seen a picture of some sort of small-box-like contraption that fit under the hood for storage). Oh, and 4. It came out a year before the Edsel. Oh well, cars were still more exciting then, whatever their crotchets.

Posted 7:32 PM by Gene

Speaking of sixties nostalgia, why in God's name does Sony want to remake My Fair Lady?

And LORD SCHLOCKINTOSH is behind it, and he's talking "realism", meaning DE-Lovely revisited.

P. S. KEIRA may be Eliza. She certainly has the -- bones for it. (Via the Big V, which touted it as though SUMNER were also behind it)

P. P. S. I stand corrected, not having read the fourth graf -- SUMNER IS ALSO BEHIND IT.

Posted 7:30 PM by Gene

How would JFK II deal with a Cuban Missile Crisis II?

I've heard of nostalgia for the sixties but this is going too far.

Posted 6:35 PM by Gene

Which reminds us: free-en-ter-PRISE GEKKOVIAN con-SER-va-tives always smirk about how the MARKET WORKS. Well why does the market seem to work better at raising prices than at lowering them? Please, GEKKOS, don't tell us about computers; it will be a while before this slight oil bust reaches our hands -- assuming the non-speculators haven't gone on a buying binge again.

And yes, we get John "The-Knee-Jerk-Liberal-Conservative" Stossel's point: "speculators" don't "HOARD" commodities. But if the last twenty-five years have shown anything it's that non-speculators don't have to take physical possession of anything to drive a market bonkers. Does anyone here remember the dot-com boom, when every last firm with a geek floated only a tiny fraction of its shares and reaped $5,000-a-share prices? No, you don't have to own something to value it too dearly. Look at HOUSES.

Posted 6:34 PM by Gene

The U.S. Commodity Futures Trading Commission said Thursday it has charged Optiver Holding BV with manipulation of crude oil and other energy futures contracts from which the firm reaped profits of approximately $1 million.

WE GOT ONE!

Posted 12:54 PM by Gene

Romy and Rainey state the obvious:

Broadcast networks have devoted more than twice as much airtime in recent weeks to Barack Obama than to John McCain, but don't assume that more coverage is always good coverage, says James Rainey.

And who with the cable news noisomeness would ever assume that?

Posted 11:14 AM by Gene

Does it really matter what medium tantrum throwers want to use when their first priority is to throw a tantrum?

And isn't it annoying that in this age there is so much coordinated sieg heil on both sides -- and that the typist of this article posits that the goal of any political movement should be even MORE sieg heil?

And for what a G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,00GLE search is worth, "Obama blunders" outnumbers "McCain blunders" by 1.6 to 1.

Posted 10:55 AM by Gene

You're sure you want to remember that, MS. TRAVERS?

Posted 9:43 AM by Gene

Surprise:

Google Blogger "hosts 2% of world's malware"

Hey zillionaires! How 'bout a repeat of the CAPTCHA gag?

Google says its users mustn't be evil.

Check and double-check!

(Via the usual Slashdot)

Posted 9:21 AM by Gene

How Many Superheroes Does It Take to Tire a Genre?

None -- so long as fatuous cri-TICS like YOU, A. O., grind out your fatuous raves.

Posted 9:16 AM by Gene

Der Governor is cutting the wages of 200,000 state workers to minimum -- temporarily -- making regretful con-SER-va-tives wonder why he didn't do that PERMANENTLY.

Posted 8:51 AM by Gene

The same rag that talked up the tattoed stripper's MASTERPIECE about teen pregnancy now does its very tsk-tsk routine that Hellywood isn't showing all the consequences.

Well we have a cautionary tale of our own: news hacks treat their underlings like three-year-olds. Somehow Zeitgeist hasn't disclosed its circulation decline yet.

Posted 8:40 AM by Gene

It cannot be good news when Ford goes from one kind of vehicle it knows how to build to another kind of vehicle it doesn't; but then the CLUNKER BROTHERS could have avoided this mess if they hadn't hitched their wagons to PICKUPS and SUVs.

Posted 8:19 AM by Gene

Obama in Germany for 'substantive' speech

Uh, as opposed to the usual?

Posted 5:49 PM by Gene

News hacks are speaking in mournful numbers about the DEMISE of the THUMBSUPPERY. We should remind people that the original immortal duo made nearly as much as some supporting-ac-TOR Os-CAR® winners in some of the MASTERPIECES they raved, and maybe a few best ac-TORS and ac-TRESSES too -- certainly some best-"original"-screenplay win-NERS. That "the fillum-cri-TIC conformity -- er, com-MUN-ity" is complaining that ESPNCORP's new thumbsuppers will turn this public service into Celebrity Central neglects how Siskel-Boom-Bah and RAH-ger turned movie cri-ti-CI-sm into a preening adjective-fest; the Web merely batted clean-up. And is it really thoughtful to believe the tentpoles deserve thoughtful reviewing?

Even this ASSPress typist admits the thumbsuppers lost their appeal over the years -- but remember, don't blame it on the movies.

Posted 5:47 PM by Gene

We're surprised con-SER-va-tives haven't bloviated about how well the FREE MARKET has worked with oil prices this last week blahblahblah....

It certainly didn't work so hot before.

You still must wonder how CONGRESSPOOPS can screw it up.

Posted 1:58 PM by Gene

Star Tribune’s debt for sale as woes mount

BLOGGERS OF THE MILLENNNNNNNNNNNNNNIUM!!!!! MR. SCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIFE!!!!!

(Via the usual Romy)

Posted 1:53 PM by Gene

[W]hat fool should buy from a company that takes its customers for fools?

Words to remember the next time a company takes its customers for fools.

Posted 1:48 PM by Gene

One silly cover deserves another -- but in the end, isn't SI merely making fun of Himself? And doesn't He deserve to?

Which makes you wonder if He planned this whole stupid stunt because His rags are suffering.

Posted 1:34 PM by Gene

IT'S STARTED:

LEFT COAST BIAS: Don't Kill Nightline

BIAS indeed.

Posted 1:33 PM by Gene

Members of the Detroit City Council have more sense than, say, certain Detroit Tiger fans, and most especially CARL LEVIN.

Posted 1:26 PM by Gene

Let's see -- Lenovo, which does put out pretty decent computers, is using Facebook to convince people that it's not a Chinese company sponsoring the mean old Beijing GAMES -- but as always MICKEY D does it one better:

McDonald's has also expanded on its traditional Olympics advertising with a social strategy centered around its first alternate-reality game. Called "The Lost Ring," the AKQA-created game has been operational since April. In that time, McDonald's boasts more than 2 million visitors in 100 countries have played it at some level. "The Lost Ring" challenges players to solve mysteries surrounding the Olympics.

You know, we would like to solve a few GAMES mysteries ourselves, like LENI RIEFENSTAHL and AVERY BRANDAGE, or why so many CEOs spend billions for three-month paid vacations, but we'll leave it at that.

Posted 1:20 PM by Gene

That we're spending more now on the vets than we did in 1947 after inflation merely says the health-care biz has found yet another Federal teat to suckle on.

Posted 1:18 PM by Gene

While "Gossip Girl" is fast becoming the network's flagship program, its ratings have been lackluster at best, a testament to the difficulty of trying to get young consumers to watch TV when they are fast becoming accustomed to getting more of their entertainment online and with mobile devices.

TRANSLATION: Even stupid teens may be smarter than we think -- and possibly SUMNER and "Alas-Does-Not-Rhyme-With" Bewkes aren't as smart as THEY think.

Posted 1:16 PM by Gene

When your health is tied to your stock price we would respectfully suggest it is not a "private matter."

Posted 9:31 AM by Gene

The ineffectual House Republican leader John Boehner says, "Every man for himself!"

TRANSLATION: ABANDON SHIP!

Posted 9:05 AM by Gene

Obama tour staged for political pop

GASP! You could have knocked me over with a feather.

Posted 8:31 AM by Gene

Lately con-SER-va-tives have been making a thing about this Rasmussen poll that says half the respondents believe news hacks would intentionally goose a candidate's campaign. What they don't tell us is most of those believing this are Republicans.

Oh well, ninety percent of news hacks are liberal Democrats -- and if they could be polled honestly we suspect they'd say they DON'T intentionally goose campaigns.

Posted 7:32 PM by Gene

LARRY Mendte, KYW-TV ex-anchor and onetime comedian....

Which alone says where these clowns get their training.

Posted 7:23 PM by Gene

When a newspaper is in its death throes we will never never NEVER learn who helped it neglect its health.

As good as the paper has been, it’s always had galling limitations (I say this as someone who worked there for six and a half years): an opinion section that rarely generated heat; a record of ignoring wide swaths of the region; a disinterest in local politics. [Overemphasis added]

A writer who can do that is NOT serious.

Posted 7:19 PM by Gene

Poll: Many Chinese are happy with country's direction

More than a few unhappy with authoritarian conformist thought justified by public-opinion polls.

The next highest country, Australia, whose natives deserve their contentedness, is twenty-five points down. This poll is worthless.

Posted 5:21 PM by Gene

DAMNED IF YOU DO: Fighting plastic shopping bags is PC.

DAMNED IF YOU DON'T: There are too many plastic shopping bags where they shouldn't be.

Is it possible to solve such a problem without being a nanny, national, state or local?

Posted 1:19 PM by Gene

And Catarrh, one of our -- "friends", is buying military transports from Boeing! Hey, sheikhdoms, why don't you buy the whole country while you're at it? We need the help.

Posted 1:02 PM by Gene

Congress moves toward curbing oil speculation

And the non-speculators were so scared at the prospect they drove down the price of oil by $20!

Posted 12:58 PM by Gene

Does anybody care what state beauty-pageant contestants come from?

Posted 12:57 PM by Gene

"What kind of society are we when we can find a billion dollars to house art on the Parkway when we can't even house our own people?"

The kind of society you have on posh, tony RITTENHOUSE SQWEH-UH, where the elite meet the vagrants.

EDDIE's always talking up how HIP we are. Doesn't he realize FRISCO is HIP TOO?

Posted 12:53 PM by Gene

When in doubt, Little Jeffy, maybe Abu Dhabi could buy GE BANCORP!

Posted 12:50 PM by Gene

How do the Chinese propose to maintain this ten years hence?

Posted 9:20 AM by Gene

Report: 'Batman' accused of assaulting mom, sister

Well, GENIUS does have its...quirks.

P. S. at 1:00 p. m.

Christian Bale's reps released a statement Tuesday....

Does that mean YOU, TWXSTERS?

Posted 7:45 PM by Gene

An Iraqi government spokesman expressed hope today that U.S. combat troops could be out of Iraq by the end of 2010, roughly the same time frame laid out by Barack Obama, the presumed Democratic presidential nominee, who has called for removing most troops by the summer of that year. (First graf)

The statement added another twist to the controversy surrounding a weekend interview with a German magazine in which Maliki appeared to endorse Obama's plan to withdraw U.S. combat troops within 16 months of becoming president. (FOURTH GRAF)

Ya think DEM CUBBIES are worth $8 BILLION, Col.? Then ya'd get a media company for FREE!

Posted 6:14 PM by Gene

Okay, granted -- kiddie foods have too much bad stuff. But remove too much of the bad stuff and kids won't eat it. We hate to be glibertarians or show-biz lobbyists, but can the food biz really do a good job of parenting?

Posted 6:12 PM by Gene

Jut-Jaw's jumping out by June.

Which leads to two questions: 1. How long will the hacks make excuses for Conan's ratings? and 2. When does Lord Koppel's first column appear?

Posted 6:07 PM by Gene

Sixteen months! Twenty-four months! Obama for president! McCain for President!

Will you make up your minds?

Posted 6:05 PM by Gene

Radovan Karadzic is still alive?

Posted 1:59 PM by Gene

The value of AOL's ad unit, along with its declining dial- up Internet-access division, has dropped to less than $10 billion from around $15 billion two years ago and will fall further, said Richard Greenfield, an analyst at Pali Capital in New York.

That's OVER 32 TIMES the weekend gross for THE GREATEST PICTURE OF ALL TIME!!!!!

P. S. at 8:35 p.m. TWXSTER stock down OVER FOUR PERCENT despite the weekend gross of THE GREATEST PICTURE OF ALL TIME!!!!!

Posted 12:49 PM by Gene

On the other hand, if someone bids $5 BILLION for DEM CUBBIES....

Posted 10:39 AM by Gene

Now the hacks are saying THE MESSIAH's won the election, meaning the hacks will increasingly act it.

Posted 10:26 AM by Gene

Crain's has learned that Tribune Co. will try out some dramatic changes in the 161-year-old broadsheet in a Saturday edition by early August. A version under consideration devotes the paper's front section to consumer-oriented and entertainment features. Local, national, international and business news is consolidated in the second section. Weather leads the third section, which also includes comics and classifieds, while the sports section is converted to a tabloid format.

DUMBING DOWN YOUR PAPERS WON'T WORK, COL.

(Via the usual Romy)

Posted 10:10 AM by Gene

We would remember how the whole world got worked up over the WARDROBE MALFUNCTION, but somehow, we don't care anymore.

Posted 8:55 AM by Gene

Aw shucks, Roger's going to have to find another partner to thumb-up -- whoops, rave all those great movies for ESPNCORP.

Thus begins the audition of the century! Ka-CHING!

Posted 8:35 AM by Gene

French President Nicolas Sarkozy is expected to face anger on the streets, and diplomatic annoyance across the table, when he travels Monday to Ireland to sound out ways of reversing the Irish voters' rejection of the European Union reform treaty.

Well! Sarko isn't so con-SER-va-tive after all.

Posted 6:51 PM by Gene

Terry Teachout has written a response to Joe Queenan's irritable foot-stomping about modern "serious" music. Mr. Teachout is right: "[S]uch accessible and appealing works as Benjamin Britten's 'Ceremony of Carols,' Aaron Copland's 'Billy the Kid,' Maurice Ravel's G Major Piano Concerto, Dmitri Shostakovich's Fifth Symphony, Igor Stravinsky's 'Symphony of Psalms' and Ralph Vaughan Williams's 'Fantasia on a Theme of Thomas Tallis' must not be swept into the ashcan like so much music fiddle-dee-dee. True enough, and "modern" enough; but Mr. Queenan was fuming at what he called "contemporary" music -- at today's "opera", at "9/11" Stockhausen and John "Trapped" Cage, at conservatory faculties full of exquisitely trained technicians who wear it on their sleeves that they "write for themselves" while not giving a damn whether anyone likes it -- or even if their WUHK makes any sense. Perhaps they were just tripped up by the nomenclature: "modern" and "contemporary" may mean the same thing, when they don't. What gives Mr. Queenan's screed its timeliness is that, as Mr. Teachout notes, there were once great, MODERN works of music. Now it's just foundation grants, musical "chairs", backscratching reviewers, and emptying concert halls.

Posted 4:47 PM by Gene

The Pursuit of Teen Girl Purity
Striking back against a Girls Gone Wild culture... [Home-page blurb]

WHICH YOU IDIOT TWXSTERS ACTIVELY HELP PRODUCE....

Posted 4:40 PM by Gene

I just sent the following e-mail to the Neville Chamberlain-like Children's Advertising Review Unit and the morons at General Mills:

To whom it may concern:

General Mills is plugging "The Dark Knight", a PG-13 movie clearly unsuitable for children, on boxes of Cocoa Puffs cereal, a product aimed at children. I'm suspecting the company plays up the connection through TV ads. (I find no reference to the tie-in on www.cocoapuffs.com or the General Mills corporate Web site.)

This is cynical and unethical corporate behavior, and I complain, though I know at best I can expect empty apologies and maybe a press release. When it comes to movie promotions the CARU is a glorified arm of the MPAA, designed to give the industry cover; it makes the UN's Human Rights Committee look honest and effective by comparison. When you take action it's after the fact, and the punishment is a whap with a wet noodle. In short, [you] engage in the sort of A-1 corporate fanny-protection we expect from big business. I send this e-mail regardless, not deluding myself that it will do anything, holding you in contempt even as I press the "submit" button.

Yours,
[Eugene David]

I'll be surprised if I get a response -- and even if you e-mail the mythical Brent Jones of USAOKAY!!!!!, you at least get a FORM reply, even if it's the same one they've used since Al Neuharth was in diapers.

P. S. I discover on the Cocoa Puffs site the Minneapolis midget-brains are using the Web to do the exact same stupid self-defeating thing they'd have done with kiddie TV in the sixties and seventies -- and at least they sponsored Rocky and Bullwinkle...ONCE.

P. P. S. This appears to be a company-wide promotion, or rather a company-wide example of plausible deniability:

You must be 13 years of age or older as of 6/15/2008 in order to participate in this promotion. [sic]

IDIOTS.

(Via SlickDeals)

Posted 1:42 PM by Gene

If it's Sunday it must be Big-Double-A-Scribble Time:

1. We know, Rance, we know: Every time members of The American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers say they'll cut spending, they'll spend MORE. We've said it once, we'll say it a thousand times: NOTHING BEATS SCHMOOZING.

2. Regardless of how mere mortals may talk, it's The Lord God Pinch now and FOREVER.

3. More ad agencies are installing in-house bars, so their charges can be even more drunk when insulting us.

4. What to Expect from P&G's New Marketing Chief

MORE JUNK TELEVISION.

And maybe more drunks too.

Posted 1:32 PM by Gene

Treasury chief: Banks safe despite economic tumult

Is Hank trying to tell us something?

Posted 1:30 PM by Gene

Experts say the pollution-curbing experiment could still go wrong because unpredictable winds could blow pollution into Beijing despite factory shutdowns in the city and five surrounding provinces.

Or it could go the other way, with August generally being the month with little wind, potentially allowing pollution to build up. [LAST TWO GRAFS]

Please, PLEASE, let it SMOG!

Posted 1:01 PM by Gene

Well, look at it this way, Greg: at least your name won't have an asterisk next to it.

(Link updated 1:56 p.m.)

Posted 11:45 AM by Gene

David "NON" Germain must have been on the phone for HOURS to New York: "WHEN THIS BREAKS THE RECORD SEND OUT AN AP NEWSALERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" But one IMMORTAL HISTORICAL RECORD-SHATTERING MASTERPIECE!!!!! does not change the fact that the trend is still DOWN in attendance, and will remain DOWN so long as THE CONSPIRACY excretes its work in sticky-floored $10-popcorn restaurants.

A NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD TO NON -- AND HE'S A FINALIST FOR OUR NEUHARTHISM OF THE YEAR DISHONOR!

P. S. This EPOCHAL LANDMARK UNBREAKABLE RECORD!!!!! is 0.3342 PERCENT OF PEOPLE WARNER'S 2007 REVENUES.

Posted 10:54 AM by Gene

Their voices dripping with disgust, two disillusioned lap dancers from a busted midtown strip club described the owner as a pervert who took a cut when he caught his employees having sex with clients.

Excuse me, "girls", but -- doesn't that go with the territory?

Posted 10:41 AM by Gene

On the second day of an international tour designed to burnish his foreign policy credentials.... [PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!]

The LORD promises to go after Elvis -- provided it doesn't cost Him any votes with the NETROOTS.

Media access to Obama was limited, and his itinerary in the war zones was closely guarded. Traveling with him were Sens. Chuck Hagel, a Nebraska Republican [SIC], and Jack Reed, a Democrat from Rhode Island.

Obama made no public comment after the meeting with Karzai, which included a traditional lunch of mutton, chicken and rice washed down with a yogurt drink.

So what's the point of the CAMPAIGNING?

Posted 9:32 AM by Gene

January 11, 2007:

I suggest this will have the same earth-shattering impact that Pele's move to the U. S. did. Soccer, face it, is from a different time zone, and requires patience to watch, something most sports fans lack. Or to put it another way, soccer is BOOOOOOOOOOORING.

To say it again, NUF SAID.

P. S. I should have qualified it with "U. S.", as God knows international soccer fans may have TOO MUCH patience.

(Via the highly original reporting of Yahoo! Sports; changed link in original post as LALATimes story URL dead)