Posted 6:57 PM by Gene

Eurovision continues to set the Guinness Book record for the world's longest joke.

Posted 6:44 PM by Gene

As predicted, VAN is getting HOSED.

I think the Trojan Horse will rot from termites before Brad's CGI orgy makes a profit.

Posted 6:31 PM by Gene

Today in my local A & P (pardon, SuperFresh -- A & P sounds so OLDSMOBILE) a voice among the crappy tunes blurted, "CONAGRA's becoming AMERICA'S FAVORITE FOOD COMPANY!" Which reminded me of a ditty I sing to myself every now and then:

Who put the CON in the AGRA?
Buh doo doom!
CONNNNN-AAAAAAAAA-GRA!
BOOM!

It also, as the mention of the name sometimes does, reminded me of SOYLENT GREEN.

Posted 6:21 PM by Gene

Not long ago Mr. Bleat (or one of PROF's other co-productions) sighed with relief that QUAGMIRE!!!!! marks the last hurrah for the Woodstock set in the luxury news suites. Yeah. To be followed, I fear, by worse -- much worse. Soon GENS X and Y will be leading the truth-telling charge, with their lack of literacy and their complete disdain for excellence in the arts, and we could have doozies of gimmicks before long in the papers, things like graphical news stories (based on graphical novels -- you know, 400-page comic books) and graffiti-mural stories, and news raps, and pop stars as columnists (almost wholly ghosted); and what's more the current old fogies will probably choose people with POLITICAL experience, and with GENS X and Y that can only mean one thing: the ANARCHIST movement. (Sort of the Woodstock Generation's reflection in the mirror, n'est-ce pas?) After all, the HACKS have decided with so many scandals coloring their past they have no moral ground to stand on, so they can piddle wherever they please. News as a circulation gimmick can only follow.

Posted 3:02 PM by Gene

I've come to despise public-opinion polls because NEWS HACKS are so amazingly adept at using them to whisper sweet little nothings into an INFERIOR public's ears and to further justify their own RIGHTEOUS prejducies and biases. There are a thousand sneaky ways of asking the questions, and ten thousand sordid ways of spinning the answers.

Or in the words the late SAM DONALDSON made his own, WHO ELECTED YOU?

Posted 1:00 PM by Gene

I took THAT picture down, for reasons I already gave; but I still have it in MY computer, and I can at least imagine she might look like that.

P. S. Click at your own risk -- you get 25 POP-UPS.

Posted 12:36 PM by Gene

The geek crowd that sicced us with Lucas Spielberg is making its own home-movie adaptations.

GET A LIFE!!!!!

Posted 10:45 AM by Gene

And thanks to a link from Volokh.com I learn this:

Panama Canal facts

Tyler Cowen

1. 14,000 ships go through the Canal each year; 2/3 of these are headed to or from the United States.

2. A crossing takes eight to ten hours.

3. The Canal is currently financed by tolls; one luxury cruise ship paid $226,194 for passage, an all-time record.

4. New ships are often forty feet wider than the current Panama locks. Within ten years most new container ships won't fit through the locks.

5. Any rebuilding would involve considerable flooding of territory and the relocation of Panamanian citizens.

6. The Panamanian economy is relatively healthy, but heavily reliant on canal revenue.

7. Many Panamanians are reluctant to have their country take on the full cost of reconstruction.

Here is one account of how the Canal might be rebuilt.

The bottom line: We have a classic bargaining game here. Building a broader Canal is profitable, but who should pay? The longer the Panamanians hold out, the more likely the U.S. will sweeten the pot for improvements. Since the Canal is an object of national pride, they won't just sell equity in the project. In the meantime they might give the Chinese a larger hand in the project, just to make us nervous. My prediction? The improvements will take at least five to ten years longer than they ought to.

By the way, if you've never seen the Canal, I recommend a trip to Panama. For me it is one of the world's great wonders and the country is lovely.

I'm sure it is: but it would be lovelier to get all the HITS you've gotten for being linked to the VOLOKHEADS.

Posted 10:32 AM by Gene

This is my FIFTEENTH POST this morning and not ONE HIT has resulted. IS ANYBODY OUT THERE?!?!?

Posted 10:31 AM by Gene

I've just found the VOLOKHEAD of BASEBALL!

OR:

The Braves 20% Report

About one-fifth of the season has passed, so I am ready to make some observations about the Braves season so far.

Theme: The theme for the first 34 games has been injuries. Chipper, JD, Franco, Giles, and Furcal have all missed several games due to injury. Assuming these injuries are not chronic I think the Braves ought to be very happy they are hovering just below the .500 mark. What do Mark DeRosa, Jesse Garcia, Adam LaRoche, and DeWayne Wise have in common? They all have more at bats than Chipper. I think if the good players can play together this is going to be a very good offense.

The Good News: Marcus Giles is going to be a star in this league for a long time. I have been very impressed with J.D. Drew. Despite his early woes he refused to start hacking at the plate and his discipline has showed. He is in the Top-10 in the MLB in walks per plate appearance, and he does almost a celebratory bat toss when he draws a walk. This is just the guy we need batting in front of Chipper and Andruw. Speaking of Andruw, he has also changed his ways at the plate. Though he is in the midst of a typical AJ funk, he is still in the Top-30 in walks per plate appearance with his walks nearly canceling his strike-outs. That is big news for a guy who normally strikes out twice for every time he walks. Chipper is solid as usual, continuing his career of quiet consistency. Chipper is one of the underrated stars of the game, and he deserves more credit than he gets. He is having a small slump as he returns from injury, but he should be back to normal soon. Also good news is the play of Johnny Estrada. He does a good job of getting on base with hitting without striking out much. He also has some power.

The Batting Order: I’m not sure what Cox has been thinking about with the batting order. I know that he has had to juggle a lot of different line-ups due to injuries, but guys who can’t get on base ought not to bat in the leadoff spot. DeWanyne Wise should never make a batting appearance in the first inning of a game like he has several times this year. The problem is this guy’s OBP and BA are nearly equal, and he can’t hit. He is fast, but that is not useful for running back to the dugout after a strikeout. But even worse, after Wise was moved down and out of the order DeRosa moved to the top. Luckily, I think something finally clicked for Bobby on Wednesday night. Hampton started the inning with a double. Then DeRo tried (unsuccessfully) to bunt him to third. Your lead-off guy is trying to bunt over your pitcher? This is so sad I think Cox must have caught the oddity of the situation. Thursday DeRo was “taking a day off” and Giles was leading off. Until Furcal comes back, Giles, Chipper, JD, or Estrada need to be in the top spot.

The Pen: Bobby’s use of the bullpen has been strange. Alfonseca and Gryboski seem to have solidified their role as the go-to middle relief, which I think is bad. Gryboski has been very bad at putting the ball in play, and he has been very lucky so far. As I stated in an ealier post, only 10 guys in the league have been luckier than him in terms of the ERAs versus the way they have pitched. This year opponents are batting .190 off the 42 balls put in play in the 14 innings he has pitched. Even if you don’t buy into DIPS Grybo has been lucky. Though Skip, Don, Joe, and Pete always tout him as a great double-play guy, even for the myth that is Kevin Gryboski he has been lucky compared to his own past. For 2002 and 2003 his BABIP has been .280 and .312. Expect some mean reversion. Reitsma and Cruz have been the second tier, though Reitsma has been getting a little more work as of late. I would like to see these guys as the first option out of the pen. And maybe Cruz ought to be starting.

Starting Pitching: Thomson and Ortiz seem to be our top-two. Though Ramirez has the lowest ERA I think he has been more lucky than good. In terms of Ks and BBs, he is almost a dead-on with Hampton who has been painfully awful. The difference? Haracio is getting better defense than any other starter. I hate to say it, but I suspect things will look worse very soon for Ramirez unless he gets his walks under control. When those balls in play start falling he is going to pay big-time. Jaret Wright has been a nice surprise. While he may not look pretty on the mound, his stats are pretty darn good. Look for Cruz to start if Haracio falters or Hampton is unable to get it together.

Other observations: We all know that JD Drew has been smoking Sheff in OBP and SLG, which are normalized for at-bats; but, also take a look at these lines for PAs/Walks/Strikeouts/Total Bases.

JD Drew: 115 / 21 / 19 / 58

Sheffield: 145 / 21 / 18 / 47

Despite JD’s absence from the lineup he has still put together better aggregate numbers than the man he replaced. Will this last? I don’t know, but Drew seems to have been a good gamble so far.

John Thomson has been great. Schuerholz deserves a lot of credit for this acquisition.

Julio Franco is having another good year with an OBP of almost .400. I think he should get the full-time job at first from LaRoche who can barely clear the Mendoza line in a platoon situation. I think LaRoche can be good, but he his really having a tough time right now.

Speaking of tough times, Mark DeRosa is having a terrible year. I think Cox and Schuerholz expected above replacement-level play at third, and they are not getting it. Though I thought DeRo was just toughing out a slump early, I think the Braves will make a move shortly for someone slightly better, possibly dipping into the farm system.

What on earth is Wilson Betemit doing in Atlanta? He is a struggling prospect at this point, nothing more. I can’t see how this is helping anybody. And like Wise, he doesn’t need to bat leadoff, which he has done twice.

Furcal’s injury proves why Cox should never attempt to steal third. Not only was he out, but he has been hurt. I think Furcal has really turned things around with his bat. He was walking more and striking out less before he went down. It really hurts when Garcia gets more ABs than Furcky. Garcia is hitting better than usual, but he is on his normal pace for walks. He has one this year…his first free pass in five years.

Overall: Though I am being a bit negative here, I feel very good for fan of a team that is 16-18. If the injuries are just a blip I foresee the Braves having a good shot at the playoffs.

1,223 WORDS to tell us THE BRAVES MIGHT OR MIGHT NOT MAKE THE PLAYOFFS! I'M IMPRESSED!!

THANK YOU, GOOGLEBLOGGER, for SPOTLIGHTING THIS LOGORRHEA in BLOGS OF NOTE!!!!!

Posted 10:09 AM by Gene

I fear the picture I posted of MY candidate for Helen of Troy is a digital composite, and might have come in part from a less-than-savory source, and at any rate it's so big it screws up my margins, so I am reluctantly thinking of taking it down -- but it is definitely her face, and most definitely her eyes (she had GORGEOUS eyes!), so I may leave it up after all.

Hey GENERAL! With my kind of flip-floppy wishy-washy thinking you could use me at FOGBOUND!

Posted 10:01 AM by Gene

Looks like the NEW IMPROVED PRE-IPO GOOGLEBLOGGER has a few neat tricks up its sleeve -- like displaying one of BILL'S FAVORITE ERROR MESSAGES ("The page cannot be displayed") after you click "Publish Post" -- and enabling you to post the same thing twice because it takes so @#$%&* long to PUBLISH!

GREAT JOB, GOOGLEBLOGGER!

Posted 10:00 AM by Gene

Zell Miller is to Republicans what Sen. McPAIN is to Democrats. NUF SAID.

Posted 9:32 AM by Gene

ONE OF THE WORLD'S SUPERBLOGGERS ADMITS TO HIS INFALLIBILITY:

CORRECTION: Zarqawi is not al Qaeda's number two. I should not blog when I'm traveling. My bad. I was thinking of Zawahiri. I also meant Jacksonian, not Jeffersonian. I should also not blog when exhausted in a hotel lobby at 11 pm.

Next time, relax and soak up some SOUTH PARK.

Posted 9:06 AM by Gene

286,706 Tickets Win in Mega Millions!

So much for mega millions.

Posted 9:02 AM by Gene

Lionel Richie, Gloria Gaynor and Hootie and the Blowfish have signed up to perform at the World Peace Music Awards in Vietnam next month.

The ceremony and concert, supported by the United Nations, is set for June 22 in Hanoi and will honor musicians who've contributed to world peace, including Bob Dylan, Joan Baez and Country Joe McDonald.

NO COMMENT.

No comment necessary.

Posted 8:59 AM by Gene

Giuliani set to testify at 9/11 hearings

OR:

Thank you! Thank you!

Calm down, Rudy.

Posted 8:43 AM by Gene

South Africa gets 2010 World Cup

Fine. Think we can get rid of the crime in six years?

Posted 8:24 AM by Gene

Arafat urges Palestinians to 'terrorize' enemy

WAIT A SECOND, WaPost crony, you're supposed to bury these stories! You're not supposed to put them on the top of your news home page! The Palis are SAINTS!

Posted 8:20 AM by Gene

CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES REITERATE THEIR OPINION THAT RUMMY MUST GO!!!!!!!!!!

OooooooooOOOOOOOOOOooooooooh! A MAJOR newspaper! Sounds good enough to me! RUMMY? GO!!!!!

By the way, CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!), who's AZZAMAN? Is it the PAPER OF RECORD of Iraq? Or just the WAPOST?

Posted 8:17 AM by Gene

Today should be a good day in the LUXURY NEWS SUITES:

Israel Fails in Apparent Bid to Kill Jihad Chief

Translation: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!

Posted 8:15 AM by Gene

Let's see: back in the Civil War there were copperheads; today, we have -- SNAKEHEADS!

A new symbol for NEWS HACKS!

Posted 8:09 AM by Gene

THE PAPER OF RECORD campaigns for DIPPITY-DO'S RUNNING MATE!!!!!

What the campaign flacks forget (and I'd expect them to midst their six-digit pleading) is if SEN. HERO runs every Republican senator (and every Republican HOUSE member) is now an enemy. Also, when he must cast tie-breaking votes whose side will he take? (Of course -- THE RIGHT, er, OUR SIDE!) No, PAPER OF RECORD, you can spin this into a victory for THE AMERICAN PEE-PUL to hide your strategem, but SEN. McPAIN becomes a DEMOCRAT, if he isn't one DE FACTO already.

Posted 6:44 PM by Gene

SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH....

ENOUGH!!!!! Until tomorrow.

Posted 6:41 PM by Gene

Anita Ekberg sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....

Posted 6:25 PM by Gene

Since Kinsley.com got me started, here's one candidate for Helen of Troy:



An actress whose stage name was Sabrina....

Posted 5:47 PM by Gene

Porn (or PRON -- I love the geeks' spelling) is an evil of our age, and no amount of chuckling, or equivocating, or NORMALIZING will make it less so.

And sorry, as the HIV crisis among porno "ACTORS" proves, child porn and CONSENTING-ADULT porn are brother and sister in incest.

Posted 5:43 PM by Gene

A U.S. trade panel gave final approval Friday to steep anti-dumping duties on more than $276 million worth of color televisions from China.

The U.S. International Trade Commission voted 5-0 that low-priced imports of 21-inch and larger color televisions from China threatened to harm U.S. producers.

WHAT U. S. PRODUCERS?

Posted 5:40 PM by Gene

Fake abuse photos: Editor quits

Never say never.

Posted 5:27 PM by Gene

The good news:

About half of the Americans who play video games say they are choosing to watch less television and go to fewer movies...

The bad news:

...so they can spend more time enjoying games...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 5:21 PM by Gene

Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I GUESS THESE MULTI-ZILLION-DOLLAR MEDIA TYRANNIES JUST WON'T STOP THEIR CAMPAIGNING WITH POLLS.

Posted 5:02 PM by Gene

For once Kinsley.com does something decent, despite the tie-in (AND THE @#$%&* ADS): a pictorial essay on Helen of Troy. The problem is, none of the examples here convince my mind's eye of the face that launched a thousand ships (the line is Marlowe's); moreover, no actress today has that wanton sexiness, that infinite beauty that seemed possible in actresses only a generation ago. With her ordinary looks and vapid stare the candidate of the TWXSTERS' CGI-fest could as well be Vanna White, though the alphabet might disagree.

Lynda Carter would have come VERY close, but that was three decades ago.

Posted 1:19 PM by Gene

I am sorry to hear that the former NBC news reader Floyd Kalber has died. He was the Ed Reimers of TV news, and I mean that as a compliment.

Posted 1:07 PM by Gene

The United States must regain its status as the champion of freedom and human rights.

And the way to do that is for NEWS HACKS to take over the government in a COUP D'ETAT and reinstall AMERICA'S GREATEST EX-PRESIDENT EVER!

Never mind. Why should they GIVE UP POWER?

Posted 1:00 PM by Gene

That G. B. is a LAFF RIOT! HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAA!!!!!

Lee says "coincidence!" COINCIDENCE!!!!! HAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!! That's funnier than the strip's been in years! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 11:48 AM by Gene

Bremer: U.S. would leave Iraq if new leadership so requests

You guys aren't trying to do it behind the scenes, are you?

Posted 11:09 AM by Gene

UK army demands photos apology

From the DAILY MIRROR?!?!?

NEVER!!!!!

Posted 10:54 AM by Gene

I can see why THE GREAT AND POWERFUL SUPERBLOGGER thinks GRAYDON unimportant: it's more insider baseball, and who cares? (Of course he thought CONCAST'S attempted purchase of ESPNCorp wasn't important either.) But spin and sell are now imperviously linked in the NEWS BIZ, because SHOW BIZ and the NEWS BIZ are imperviously linked themselves; and so long as you have GRAYDONS you have QUAGMIRES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, and so long as you have uncritical Hollywood pitches you have TORTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! These morons run in the same constricted circles, make the same outrageous salaries, think the same deadly thoughts. No, you CANNOT have SPIN without SELL.

Glad to see too that THE GREAT and POWERFUL SUPERBLOGGER is ON TOP of a story that RAN TWO DAYS AGO.

Posted 9:10 AM by Gene

So long as news hacks review movies their sister companies produce there's no reason to trust them -- especially with less-than-raves, which often sound like mea culpas.

In short, GRAYDON WILL LIVE FOREVER!!!!!

Posted 8:29 AM by Gene

This is the kind of media moron who gets worked up about Graydon and manages to defend him at the same time.

Posted 8:24 AM by Gene

JAMES EARL KERRY? What would kind of President would John Kerry make?

I don't know don't, Prof. What kind of would kind of blogger would PROF would be if he didn't didn't get 60 zillion katillion trillion hits a a year? And what would he would do if he didn't couldn't get 500 zillion billion quadrillion hits a year from his BILL connections would?

Posted 8:16 AM by Gene

Berg, Al Qaeda linked before

Another excuse?

ANYTHING to get DIPPITY-DO! in the White House.

Posted 8:06 AM by Gene

Good news! Danielle King Grisham Rowling sold fewer books last year!

OR:

"People thought Harry might have changed kids' reading habits," she said. "It's happened to a small degree, but not to the level we've hoped."

Translation: Stupid books is as stupid books does.

Posted 6:46 AM by Gene

When to say sorry

NEVER!!!!!

Posted 6:41 AM by Gene

U.S. tipped to Holocaust in '42

And we all know what a STELLAR JOB NEWS HACKS did in ALERTING the NATION to the CATASTROPHE, thus SAVING MILLIONS OF LIVES.

IS THAT why you're CAMPAIGNING for KER -- uh, ALERTING MANKIND to the EEEEVIL in the IRAQI PRISONS -- to PREVENT ANOTHER HOLOCAUST?!?!?

Posted 6:32 AM by Gene

KERRY FOR PRESIDENT says YOU'RE NOT GONNA WIIIIIIINNNNNNNNN!! NYAH NYAH-NYAH NYAH NYAH!!!!!

This is such good news we'll leave aside OUR REGULAR CAMPAIGNING for today.

Posted 6:29 AM by Gene

With all that industry money maybe he can start his own radio station.

Posted 6:23 AM by Gene

Well Graydon's not too good a guy, we all knew that, and now the story can go down the industry's rat hole as just another hypocritical example of self-centeredness.

Interesting, though: for centuries you NEWS HACKS have marvelled at what a GENIUS he is. WHAT DID GRAYDON DO THAT YOU WOULDN'T? No, YOU'RE NOT TOO GOOD GUYS EITHER.

Posted 5:46 PM by Gene

Judging from this highly entertaining BBS thread about a loudspeaker brand sold from white vans (AND on eBay), a lot of people seem to have fallen off the proverbial turnip truck, and when they did they hit their heads on the pavement because most of them can't SPEL.

Posted 5:46 PM by Gene

TIME WARNER BAD CABLE NEWS is NOT serious about the business when it puts a hed for THIS STORY on the FRONT PAGE alongside the Berg atrocity and the Indian elections. Let's not tiptoe through the tulips around this -- it's an OUTRAGE.

Posted 5:31 PM by Gene

Hizb Allah condemns beheading

We coulda done it better!

Don't try clicking on the link, at least right now; computer fans from across the globe may be congratulating OsamaChannel.com for its noxious [and outright FALSE] conspiracy theory.

Posted 5:30 PM by Gene

Where would the drug biz be without MARKETING?

Posted 5:20 PM by Gene

UN's Annan Urges Sudan Leader to End Darfur Crisis

You do it, I can't! I'm still too busy counting my money! (Pffh-hh-hh!)

Posted 5:19 PM by Gene

Until now, men could only fantasize about living large like Hugh Hefner, the father of the Playboy empire.

But this November, anyone with a PC, PlayStation 2 or Xbox will have the opportunity to put on Hef's smoking jacket and lord over his mansion.

Do we get to be his AGE, too?

Posted 5:17 PM by Gene

Colin Powell proud to be a Scot

I was thinking Frenchman or Spaniard, but let it pass, let it pass.

Posted 3:24 PM by Gene

THE book party Barry Diller threw for John McCain could have been a political rally. Most of the high-powered guests assembled in the Grill Room at the Four Seasons were sad they couldn't vote for the author of "Why Courage Matters" to be our next president. Instead, they were plotting how to make Sen. John Kerry pick the Arizona Republican as his vice presidential running mate. The crowd included Mayor Bloomberg, Henry Kissinger, Candice Bergen, Henry Kravis, Edgar Bronfman Jr., Steven Ratner, Tom Brokaw, Matt Lauer, Steven Brill, Ken Auletta, Michael Wolff, Jonathan Alter, Joe Klein and Kurt Andersen.

One megalomaniacal senator + many megalomaniacal phony-baloneys = ONE MEGALOMANIACAL VICE-PRESIDENT.

But he'll still replace RUMMY.

Posted 2:05 PM by Gene

Should news stars be allowed to plug their books on TV? [Romenesko hed]

The answer is no, unless they're news stars, then the answer is yes.

Posted 12:12 PM by Gene

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW, De Papeww of Wecohwd's MAD becawwse we viowated poow ittle tewwowist's WIGHTS.

Aren't you forgetting, NEW YORK Times, there was a time when Al-Qaeda violated OUR rights? Sighhhhhhhhhhhhh, I thought so.

Posted 11:10 AM by Gene

The Osama Channel very sinisterly intimates THE BEHEADING VIDEO WAS A -- FRAUD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WELL, the Osama Channel is in many ways a fraud too. Hate mongering disguised as NEWS counts as FRAUD in my book. Maybe the CIA and MOSSAD set it up to DEFAME ARABS. It certainly does an EXCELLENT job of it. Think that's a possibility, SMALLman? Do your paychecks have an EAGLE on them -- or the SIX-POINTED STAR?

Perhaps we should also look into your chief sponsor, CATARRH AIRWAYS. That might be an FBI FRONT.

Far be it from me to disillusion you but I don't think it was a fake,

FRAUDS.

Posted 9:15 AM by Gene

Jihad in Canada. EH?

Posted 8:57 AM by Gene

THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:

A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.

Posted 8:54 AM by Gene

"I'll be working at Penthouse soon!"

You already DID.

Posted 8:29 AM by Gene

Globe Grows Darker as Sunshine Diminishes 10% to 37%

WHICH MEANS...?


Whatever we want it to mean!

Posted 6:58 AM by Gene

THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:


I know more than you.

I make lots more money than you.

I'm smarter than you.

I'm sexier than you.

I appear on TV all the time.

I work ten minutes a day.

I rule the universe.

I'm going to live forever.

You are an idiot.

Posted 6:45 AM by Gene

The industry's latest excuse:

Berg was 'very cavalier' about dangers

That's what made America great -- men a little "cavalier about dangers." Now if NEWS HACKS had colonized America today we'd be a Spanish colony -- or an Arab caliphate.

Posted 6:43 AM by Gene

Newspapers would cease to exist if the idiots responsible for them stopped "hitting the wrong computer key."

The problem is, for them, EVERY KEY'S THE RIGHT KEY.

Posted 6:41 AM by Gene

RUMMY HAS A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We hope.

Posted 6:30 AM by Gene

Non! France does not need us, not with slow growth and 10-percent unemployment. NON!

A few more snide remarks about us and your unemployment can go up. (Luckily, not everyone in the land of La Mayonnaise is THAT dense.)

Posted 6:25 AM by Gene

WHAT DID I SAY? Little Jeff had to "buy five more entertainment companies and at least fifteen banks" to beat ExxonMobil? WELL, Jeff's on his way!

Let's see the mess five years from now.

Posted 7:19 PM by Gene

Stevens: U.S. Doesn't Need Death Penalty

My first impulse is to ask, well whadya gonna do about it? But such relative candor is refreshing from The Nine Fingers in the Wind, who believe in a televised, Internetted world they can still do their public-opinion polling as cloistered as monks -- or as sequestered as a jury.

Posted 6:55 PM by Gene

ROSS PEROT AND PAT BUCHANAN ENDORSE RALPH NADER FOR PRESIDENT!

Or somebody.

Posted 6:55 PM by Gene

Anyone want to guess which comes first -- MIT folks demanding this be torn down, or the thing having to be demolished because it won't stand up?

Posted 5:39 PM by Gene

Kerry Says McCain Good Choice to Head Pentagon

WHAT DID I SAY SIX DAYS AGO?

We're awaiting your transformation from an ICONOCLAST into a JACKASS, Sen. McPAIN.

Posted 5:32 PM by Gene

Old anchorpoops never die, they just sign 10-year deals and make zillions forever.

Posted 5:25 PM by Gene

Weinsteins and Disney Reach Deal on 'Fahrenheit 911'

Well THIS is a surprise! Note how loudly the ESPNCORP Arthouse Pictures spokespoop spouts the PARENT'S name! I thought we were THE WORLD'S LEADING PRODUCER OF FAMILY ENTERTAINMENT!

Unfortunately MICKEYMOUSE NIXON had a good day today, something almost as pleasing to news hacks as Iraqi prisoner abuse.

Posted 5:20 PM by Gene

I wish the knee-jerk hard-core FREE-ENTERPRISE CONSERVATIVES would realize business crime may not pay when you're a VICTIM.

Posted 5:17 PM by Gene

Chuckle chuckle chuckle, what's a little HIV when you're making a PORNO MOVIE? Chuckle chuckle chuckle!

You HACKS want a divorce from the HUMAN RACE?

Posted 5:08 PM by Gene

Investigator: No Evidence Abuse Was Authorized

No no no no no no no NO YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO DO THIS, JOHN!!!!! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO KEEP ON MESSAGE!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 5:00 PM by Gene

Microsoft warns of 'important' Windows flaw

Why is this important news?

IT WASN'T.

Posted 1:43 PM by Gene

The most supremely overrated MONEY HONEY is quitting the day shift so she won't have to get up at 5 a.m. (Everyone repeat after me: AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.) Apparently she wants to be the next KATIE; she has the SUPEREGO for it. (Knowing MONEY she probably told the pliable hack to mention this in the story. MUCH OBLIGE!) Now THE BIG C will start a contest to see which sex object (and it WILL be a woman) can be the NEXT MONEY HONEY -- who knows, maybe LITTLE JEFF'S BOYS can turn the audition into a REALITY SHOW!!!!! -- thus further distancing NEWS HACKS from the notion that they're REPORTING.

Posted 1:13 PM by Gene

ANDY S. and JONAH and MICKEY and PROF and PROF'S co-production MR. BLEAT have gotten into a thoroughly irksome FOOD FIGHT with that idiot HOWIE THE HAIR SHIRT over why NEWS HACKS won't unleash all these wonderful, er, GRUESOME photos of the beheading. They're complaining (among other complaints) that Pee-TAH held back on showing people jumping off the WTC because of -- POLITICS. To which I say, I'd love to see those scenes day after day after day. Andy seems to have forgotten that his former employer TNR made fun of the anchorpoops for obsessing over CHALLENGER. (He seems also to have forgotten that he HATED P. R. MEL.) All have forgotten that LENNY's held back on his best shots -- probably to cover his behind, but he COULD have unleashed a deluge. In the end the food fight devolves into MY PICS ARE GROSSER THAN YOUR PICS. If we have to fight a war based on whose pics are grosser we've lost the war. We all have ready access to photographs of the Holocaust's manifold obscenities. Have they stopped anti-Semitism? Which recalls for me when Lucas Spielberg turned out his patented WWII castor oil Prof. Gelernter (WHY CAN'T HE BLOG?) said the gore wasn't necessary. The CAUSE should have been enough. I'm comfortable with the war we're fighting. WHY AREN'T YOU SUPERBLOGGERS?

Posted 12:26 PM by Gene

Who says Pravda is dead?

Posted 11:41 AM by Gene

Seems Tucker's getting to believe we should have stayed out of World War II also.

Now all you need to make the act complete is to blame JEWS. Nah, you work for CNN and PBS. They wouldn't like it at begging time.

Posted 11:35 AM by Gene

"WE WERE WINNING INTERNATIONAL SYMPATHY BECAUSE OF WHAT HAPPENED AT ABU GHRAIB, BUT THEY COME AND WASTE IT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Translation: Shucks, we could have had this nice sharia, with all sorts of head-loppings and hand-loppings and stonings and beatings and floggings -- AND THEN SOMEONE COMES ALONG AND DOES IT!

Posted 10:47 AM by Gene

After tour of swing states, Bush gains in polls

THIS WASN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 10:24 AM by Gene

One of these things is not like the other:

"SADDAM'S TORTURE CHAMBERS REOPENED UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT — U.S. MANAGEMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

--TEDDY "BYE MARY JO I'M OFF TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT" KENNEDY, in perhaps the greatest example of ORATORY since JFK'S INAUGURAL.

"The senator strongly supports our armed services and knows 99.99 percent are serving with honor and distinction. The senator has said that this is a colossal leadership failure and does not reflect on the armed services as a whole."

--A spokespoop for the illustrious senator.

Is it possible to be too liberal in MASSachusetts?

Posted 9:55 AM by Gene

Hmmm...when will NEWS HACKS start portraying our crushing victories against the Iraqi enemy as WAR CRIMES?

Posted 9:52 AM by Gene

Whenever REPUBLICANS and other NAZIS threaten to TAKE OVER AMERICA, NEWS HACKS, just recite YOUR MAGIC MOTTO:

WHAT'S GOOD FOR TIME WARNER IS GOOD FOR -- US!

Posted 9:24 AM by Gene

Here's the difference between Republicans and Democrats on universal health care: Republicans will do it with "tax breaks, subsidies and discounts," which will cost. Democrats will do with a huge bureaucracy, which will cost.

See the difference?

Posted 9:08 AM by Gene

IT'S ALL FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!NEWS'S FAULT!

And NO, I am NOT A LIBERAL!!!!! (But don't tell anybody.)

P. S. A POP-UP right in the middle of this Gettysburg address read, "Are you suffering from lack-of-funitis?"

YES, EVERY TIME I READ ANYTHING ON YOUR UNBIASED WEB SITE.

Posted 7:03 AM by Gene

Graydon Carter enriching himself? PERISH THE THOUGHT!

(Caveat: this is Nikki Finke, who has three or four axes to grind.)

Yep, I've been around IWantMedia.com again.

Posted 7:01 AM by Gene

Shucks, despite the good news of that fellow's beheading, the FORCES OF REACTION still lurk in our land: ErrAmerica has just laid off its SALESPEOPLE. Last one left turn out the lights!

Posted 6:42 AM by Gene

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!! OMINOUS TWIST FOR U. S. IN IRAQ!!!!!!!!!!

Translation: 1. He had it coming, and 2. It was justified.

It appears THE PAPER OF SCANDAL thinks that by outkneejerking the knee jerks in the biz it will restore its reputation. Among the NEWS HACKS it no doubt already has. (It took care of circulation by abandoning all ethics in its show-biz coverage long ago.) But I have two words for you:

JACK KELLEY.

Posted 6:36 AM by Gene

HEY GUY! The paper of JANET COOKE and EASILY-LED CHRISTIANS knows fantasy too -- or to quote from your oh so noble attempt at ERUDITION: "We had fed the heart on fantasies,/The heart's grown brutal from the fare."

By the way, BOZO, you got a few words wrong. Now put your feet back on the desk and scowl.

Posted 6:27 AM by Gene

Happily many NEWS HACKS remembered their first mission: to destroy our foreign policy.

And now we have an excuse from CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES: the guy was told to leave, so he had it coming, therefore we can resume campaigning for DIPPITY-DO!!!!!

Strange, though: THE PAPER OF RECORD has that other story first this morning -- but it hedges by running the noble justification for the deed in the subhed.

Posted 7:46 PM by Gene

I just got one too:

DEAR _citibank Card-holder,

This E-mail was _sent by t_he Citbiank _server to veerify your EMAIL adrress_. You must complete this process by clicking on the_link beelow and enntering in the little _window your citibank Debit Card nummber and card pin that you use on_the local ATM Machine. This_is donne for_your protection -x- becaurse some of our memebrs _no_longer have access to their e_mail adresses and we must verify it.

Do they have ATMs in SKOOL?

Posted 7:46 PM by Gene

Which will get the bigger heds tomorrow; the victim of al-Qaida -- or the "victims" of "TORTURE"?

I wouldn't want to hold my breath waiting for justice to be done -- but I am all too well prepared to hold my NOSE.

Posted 7:40 PM by Gene

To his great credit Terry Teachout got Commentary into making public his superb piece on Copland and Shostakovich. I don't want to give away the ending, exactly, but the ending is about as powerful as good arts writing gets:

I, for one, cannot think about this saga without being moved to ask a question that is both unanswered and unanswerable. Aaron Copland lent his support to an evil regime, at first never saying an unambiguous word against it, then refusing to say anything at all; Dmitri Shostakovich was unwilling to defy that same regime save in his music, even when he could have done so without unreasonable risk. One was a fool, the other a coward. Both were great composers without whose music the world would be immeasurably poorer -- but who was the lesser man?

You have OUTDONE yourself, Mr. Teachout.

Posted 6:18 PM by Gene

GoogleBlogger's new slogan has just sunk in, and it's nearly as dumb as Rong-Aid's ("We take it personally"). First off, I don't power Blogger; the TWXSTERS and investment bankers do. Second, most blogs have too much I and not enough power.

Posted 5:48 PM by Gene

You can spell it any ol' way you want -- it's STILL SEPARATE AND UNEQUAL.

Posted 5:29 PM by Gene

OH oh, BIGOTED INTOLERANT CATHOLICS are TARGETING PUBLIC OFFICIALS who do not believe THE HOLY TRUTH OF OUR AGE: THAT ABORTION SHOULD BE LEGAL, UNLIMITED, AND EVERLASTING!

Time to summon some intolerant ADJECTIVES, NEWS HACKS!

Posted 5:17 PM by Gene

Berg's family said Tuesday they knew their son had been decapitated, but didn't know the details of the killing. When told of the video by an Associated Press reporter, Berg's father, Michael, and his two siblings hugged and cried.

I would like to know the state of mind of CURLEY'S STOOGE as he recited the happy news. NEWS HACKS are perhaps the most inhumane beings God ever cursed His planet with.

And THEY have the GALL to LECTURE US ABOUT OUR EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL IN IRAQ?

HEY IDIOTS! IF YOU CAN CALL FOR RUMMY'S RESIGNATION, I CALL FOR THE RESIGNATION OF TOM (NYUK! NYUK! NYUK!) CURLEY.

Posted 5:09 PM by Gene

Kerry's Wife Earned More Than $5 Million in 2003

By the standards of NEWS HACKS, of whom the best known make comparable salaries, she is one of THUH PEEPUL.

Posted 2:00 PM by Gene

Now because Canada's PM believes Saddam had WMDs and that poverty is NOT the cause of terrorism does that mean we kick him out of the brotherhood of man?

I mean PERSONHOOD.

Posted 1:38 PM by Gene

Robert Altman plus G. B. equals ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

CRITICALLY-ACCLAIMED ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

Posted 1:27 PM by Gene

This will happen again and again if we don't heed the GREAT WISDOM of NEWS HACKS and RUN OUT OF IRAQ AND AFGHANISTAN SCREAMING!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 1:13 PM by Gene

ANOTHER PROF UPDATE:

GARY SILBERBERG points to a hero.

UPDATE: The link's down, because Gary posted something he got by email that turned out to be not an original message, but an item from another blog.


HEH.®

Posted 1:10 PM by Gene

Smart, Dave! We counter the "Republican Noise Machine" with a DEMOCRATIC NOISE MACHINE -- and we go deaf from BOTH sides.

That's why people HATE POLITICS. You jerks would rather shout than think -- and YOUR NAME'S AT THE TOP OF THE LIST.

Posted 1:05 PM by Gene

900 PAGES!!!!!

That's a lot of ghosting and evasions.

Here's betting it gets lots of raves from HACKS who remember what a GREAT president was like.

Posted 11:31 AM by Gene

HHHWWWALTER CRRRONKITE JR. GOT MAD because ONE OF THE BUSHIES MISSPELLED HIS NAME.

And that's the way it is in the magical word of TRUTH TELLING and HUGE EGOS.

Posted 10:39 AM by Gene

Guess what? THE NEW IMPROVED PRE-IPO GOOGLEBLOGGER STILL gets the HICCUPS!!!!!

Posted 10:34 AM by Gene

THE PAPER OF SCANDAL "concedes" FIRING RUMMY WOULD NOT SOLVE ANYTHING!!!!!

So why did you run that PUFF PIECE for DIPPITY-DO?

Posted 10:29 AM by Gene

ALAKAZAM AND ALAKAZOOKS! THE PAPER OF SCANDAL makes PROPAGANDA DISAPPEAR FROM THE FRONT PAGE OF ITS WEB SITE!

Posted 10:20 AM by Gene

LEGENDARY WELCH, er, SPEAKS:

"DON'T STOP TWO JOBS FROM GOING ABROAD, YOU WILL KILL 20 HERE!!!!!!!!!!"

But for every 20 we kill here we increase the average CEO's pay by $20,000, right NEUTRON?

Posted 9:35 AM by Gene

Despite having more than 1,000 photos taken by American soldiers of life in and around the abuse-filled Abu Ghraib prison in Iraq, The Washington Post has published just 10....

Well GOOD for YOU,



LENNY!

Posted 6:56 AM by Gene

MEANWHILE, in the middle of a DENSE FOG penetrated only by the perfectly-enunciated words of BBC NEWS READERS:

"I'm not as conservative as some of my other colleagues in the administration," Mr. Powell said. "If you looked at all the things I believed in, from the social side of the ledger to the economic and military side of the ledger, and if you put, say, Cheney up around 90, and Don and Condi and company between 80 and 90, and you put Bolton and Feith at about 98, then I'd be somewhere around 60, 65."
This disparity fuels countless press portraits of Mr. Powell as the lonely voice of reason in an administration teeming with right-wing extremists. He routinely is portrayed as a dove struggling mightily against hawks such as Mr. Rumsfeld and Mr. Cheney.
"The media, from the very first day I took the job, used this difference to create a stereotype," Mr. Powell said. "It's a stereotype that I fought for two and a half, three years...."

...while leaking untold stories bashing the administration and threatening to resign in the press on a weekly basis. You're lucky Dubya's loyal, GENERAL.

Posted 6:49 AM by Gene

An IGNORAMUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! forms his -- OWN JUDGMENTS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?:

Mr. Bush regularly monitors the news pages of a select few daily publications.
"I get the newspapers — the New York Times, The Washington Times, The Washington Post and USA Today — those are the four papers delivered," he said. "I can scan a front page, and if there is a particular story of interest, I'll skim it."
The president prides himself on his ability to detect bias in ostensibly objective news stories.
"My antennae are finely attuned," he said. "I can figure out what so-called 'news' pieces are going to be full of opinion, as opposed to news. So I'm keenly aware of what's in the papers, kind of the issue du jour. But I'm also aware of the facts."

So, our President reads the papers in a few seconds, just like most of us -- and increasingly, the fewer seconds, the better.

Posted 6:30 AM by Gene

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE RULE THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

More than half of Americans — 54% vs. 47% just a week ago — now say going to war was "not worth it." But 54% say it wasn't a mistake to send troops in the first place. Polling experts explain the difference this way: Americans are often reluctant to call something a mistake when U.S. troops are involved.

TRANSLATION: 1. The public is stupid; 2. Time to start spitting on the soldiers, and 3. HI MULLAHS!!!!!

And as ALWAYS, this GREAT news was accompanied by one of those annoying SCROLLING ADS and a FULL-SCREEN POP-UP. SOB LIVES!!!!!

Posted 6:26 AM by Gene

The venue gives off intense heat, and the organ hasn't been installed, but as Eddie Rendell would say, "We NEED these buildings to create the jobs for waiters and janitors and bellhops and maids that'll provide the high-tech backbone to bring our town into the 21st century."

Posted 6:23 PM by Gene

All RIGHT, all right, I've calmed down now -- The NEW IMPROVED GOOGLEBLOGGER is faster, and the preview function's good, I will say that; but why did they have eliminate things like times of post?

Posted 6:17 PM by Gene

Bush's Backing of Rumsfeld Shocks and Angers Arabs

Hey REUT! Why not an all-purpose story: "[Fill in the blank] Angers Arabs." They're always angry. Aren't they?

This bit of Arab anger brought to you by



WE'RE MILITANT ABOUT THE NEWS.™

Posted 6:02 PM by Gene

At 1,324 WORDS this would be the PERFECT BIG-BLOGGER POST.

Translation: in 1,324 words Bob Iger hasn't a clue.

Posted 5:58 PM by Gene

U.S. Destroys Al-Sadr Headquarters, Kills 35 Fighters

SHUCKS, another BAD day for our fighting forces.

Posted 5:22 PM by Gene

Shoving Match Erupts During 50 Cent Show

Now if a SHOOTING MATCH had erupted VIVENDI could have sold it.

Posted 4:59 PM by Gene

In the interest of maintaining the balance of supply and demand in the global oil market, Saudi Arabia believes that it is necessary for OPEC to increase the production ceiling by at least 1.5 million barrels per day.

So that people forget we've...never mind.

Posted 4:54 PM by Gene

OooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooh!!!!! ANOTHER HORRIBLE SCANDAL:

U.S. military personnel singled out senior officials of Saddam Hussein's regime for special abuse in coalition prison, including solitary confinement for months on end, The Associated Press has learned.

I think the LEAST we could have done was give them nine-course meals and send them on all-expense-paid trips around the world.

NEWS HACKS think by campaigning for DIPPITY-DO this way they exercise REAL POWER. Problem is, as time goes on and NEWS HACKS SCREAM to no end, many will tune this story out, which does no one -- the innocents, the abusers, ANYBODY -- any good. And let us not forget, the SUMMER SILLY SEASON now lasts ALL YEAR.

Posted 4:52 PM by Gene

$2.65 billion here and $2.65 billion there and pretty soon you're talking REAL CORRUPTION!

Posted 9:10 AM by Gene

Proof anyone can write in a newspaper:

Dazzling special effects. A film steeped in atmosphere that transports moviegoers. Many fine performances. And, of course, Hugh Jackman, who in the title role in "Van Helsing" cements his place in the upper firmament of stardom.

And anyone does.

(Ah, the wonders of G0000000000000000000000GLE, which linked to this.)

Posted 8:54 AM by Gene

Vin "Sky Masterson" Diesel says

there's not a lot of difference between making a movie and making a game. "What I enjoy most about my work on video games is the creative component — developing original gameplay, creating story lines, writing dialogue, casting, designing visuals and directing cinematics," he says.

TRANSLATION: When the Sly Stallone of our time says movies are videogames, MOVIES ARE NOT WORTH WATCHING.

Posted 8:45 AM by Gene

Another whirlwind of NEWS HACK excuses from THE PAPER OF SCANDAL, topped by this one from TIMMY:

"We try not to let polls sway our coverage and do our best to be fair and objective. It would be a disaster for our business if every time a president's polls were down we declared open season on him."

You're forgetting TIMMY, that's what the NEWS BIZ IS nowadays.

Posted 8:30 AM by Gene

Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...another WORDY pundit gets a zillion hits a minute -- and A FREE AD in the Boston Globe.

But what do they know? They call The Daily Kos LIBERAL.

OR:

(And to clarify - I'm not saying that he's changed his tune. I'm saying that, like a lot of what he talks about, he's discussing what he wants to have happen in a big-picture sense without actually addressing on-the-ground realities of what's going on. Sometimes it works, more often you're left with points like this that leave you wondering why, given what he seems to have supported, he supported George Bush's war.)

JESSE!!!!! Can you give me hints how to get HITS?!?!?

Posted 8:24 AM by Gene

"Willies" Stark is at it again.

(Caveat: it's FrontPage!!!!! Magazine.)

Posted 6:38 AM by Gene

PLUS the text is now harder to read.

I DO NOT LIKE THE NEW IMPROVED PRE-IPO GOOGLEBLOGGER!!!!!

Posted 6:36 AM by Gene

Lenny:

Pro-Kremlin leader's death hurts Russia's claims that area is stable.

Pinch:

The explosion delivered a severe blow to President Vladimir V. Putin's efforts to end the deadly conflict in the region.

When NEWS HACKS can't agree on the grammar of international affairs, how can we trust them with the language?

Posted 6:25 AM by Gene

TWO MORE THINGS I DO NOT LIKE ABOUT THE NEW, IMPROVED PRE-IPO GOOGLEBLOGGER: you can't look up entries by date, and you have to CLICK CLICK CLICK to make new posts.

$1 GOOGLEZILLION FOR GOOGLE!

Posted 6:24 AM by Gene

That is, if the EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL FEDS will let you.

Posted 6:22 AM by Gene

ANDY S. weeps and moans.

There there, Andy. Watch some SOUTH PARK, and you'll feel better.

Posted 8:36 PM by Gene

WOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You sure do look like $500 BILLION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But why did you do it? The NEW, IMPROVED GOOGLEBLOGGER is harder to navigate -- I'm not quite sure how to POST now -- and I miss not having new and old posts on the same page (and I DON'T like seeing only the opening words), and it looks to have been done solely for bells' and whistles' sake. (Was it NECESSARY, for instance, to have the HUGE icon indicating publishing in progress?) I hope you get a lot of COMPLIMENTS for your "IMPROVEMENTS"!!!!!

Okay, OKAY -- click on the TITLES and you get the FULL POSTS. (Hardly AUTOMATIC.) But this new set up is not counter-friendly and I DON'T like counting MYSELF -- which THE NEW IMPROVED GOOGLEBLOGGER makes it EASY to do.

P. S. An ugly thought occured to me: I'll bet you GOOGLEBLOGGERS did this to save money on account of the UPCOMING IPO.

Posted 8:33 PM by Gene

After reading this I wonder if I attitudinize too much. Certainly that name BUTTERFIELD led me on; after all, CONSERVATIVES have always called him soft on crime. But if rotten prisons influenced the STOOPIDS in Iraq, shame on them -- and on US.

Posted 3:59 PM by Gene

Here's betting this latest public service from the record biz leads to fewer legal downloads, more piracy -- and an anti-trust suit.

Posted 3:39 PM by Gene

Has the pop-up ad been invented that DOESN'T seize up a computer?

Posted 3:24 PM by Gene

And while we're at it, LET'S RUN SCREAMING FROM AFGHANISTAN TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 1:22 PM by Gene

WELL! I'm grateful for my second confirmed link in a non-automated blog. So pardon me for saying (and I really don't want to quibble) the citation proves my point: for starters, the linker refers to me as "One-Minute Pundit," not my (pen) name (okay by me), plus he says I'm discussing this VERY long-winded post when in fact I only linked to it as another example of the EXTREME verbosity of the BIG-NAME BLOGGERS. (I still haven't the foggiest idea what it means; I assume from the fool ANDY S.'s link this is a justification of gay marriage, but who knows?) Nonetheless I can never criticize anyone who at least took the time to link to me, and I thank you for it, and I hope for more links soon.

Posted 12:57 PM by Gene

I'm glad the soldiers are still getting the warm welcomes they deserve, but how much longer before they're drenched in a torrent of NEWS HACK SPITTING?

Pardon -- BRAVERY.

Posted 10:15 AM by Gene

I'm not sure, ANDY S., we should trust a writer on the CATHOLIC CHURCH when his idea of the WORD OF GOD is SOUTH PARK.

Posted 9:43 AM by Gene

MORE good news from St. Warren! There's DISSENSION in the ranks! People don't quite think it yet -- but with the help of a few SOURCES it may become WIDESPREAD!!!!! WE'RE GOING TO LOSE THE WAR!!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!

I love this kind of writing: "Like several other officers interviewed for this report, this general spoke only on the condition that his name not be used."

OR:

The paper's average Monday-through-Saturday circulation fell 3.2 percent in the period, however, and now stands at 732,700. Sunday circulation fell as well, down 2.6 percent to 1.025 million.

Think we can try for another -- three percent? Five percent? TEN PERCENT? GO FOR IT!!

And St. Warren's paper's profits were up, meaning ADVERTISERS blindly support NEWSPAPERS the way they do JUNK TELEVISION.

Posted 9:24 AM by Gene

It's the call of every studio executive's dreams. Six little words float across the phone lines: "Brad Pitt wants a nude scene."

WELL!! The first thing you look for when your intelligence is GRIEVOUSLY insulted is a byline. WHOOPS! No byline. Then you look for the source. "Big Picture News." Never heard of it. You plug it into Google -- and you find the name -- and it has NO WEB SITE, meaning this is a PRESS RELEASE from NOWHERE.

And it figures this story runs in the scattered remains of the CONRAD empire, where up is down and left is -- never mind.

Why do I get mad at such trifles? BECAUSE THEY'RE THE FLIP SIDE OF NEWS HACKS' EFFORTS TO DESTROY OUR OPERATIONS IN IRAQ -- and the NEWS HACKS never think, if we let the jihadists rule the world there may be NO HOLLYWOOD LEFT.

P. S. I wonder if this is a division of AIN'T IT COOL NEWS.

Posted 9:11 AM by Gene

Even more good news:

NEWSWEEK'S film critic David Ansen is on sabbatical.

Meaning we get to try out a whole new generation of AD-BLURB COPYWRITERS who might someday ad [sic] to St. Warren of Buffett's BOTTOM LINE! Kinda like the "Apprentice" of NEWSHACKDOM! Good luck, and may the WORST WRITER WIN!

Posted 9:08 AM by Gene

FINALLY! After all these icky SERVICE FEATURES we GET TO RULE THE WORLD for a change!

We know all about Rummy's flaws, but I wish someone other than NORMAN THOMAS'S GRANDSON told us about them.