Posted 8:01 PM by Gene

What did I say, Ramesh? "He's a FREE-ENTERPRISE CON-SER-VA-TIVE -- and a SOCIAL-ISSUES GLIBERTARIAN."

So much for your token conservative.

Posted 6:26 PM by Gene

Bayer Pharmaceuticals and GlaxoSmithKline have been ordered by federal regulators to pull a television ad for their impotence drug, Levitra, because it made an unsubstantiated claim and failed to include information about side effects.

GASP! This must be the FIRST TIME this has happened. I guess these drug companies were getting a little too comfortable saying WHAT they pleased, WHERE they pleased.

Isn't that what advertising's all about?

Posted 1:29 PM by Gene

This sounds dangerously close to parody or a sales pitch, but given our collective fanaticism over tiny electronic boxes I can see where people would view an iPod more dearly than a friend.

An advice to those lovelorn who've had their iPods stolen: Get another one. It is harder to buy a friend.

Posted 9:24 AM by Gene

Battle Against Spam Shifts to Containment

Taaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-ta-taaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....

Posted 9:06 AM by Gene

CHUCK GALLOPS TO THE RESCUE!

Posted 9:00 AM by Gene

Stocks Hit New Low for 2005

So, NEWS HACKS -- is this good news or bad news? In theory it ought to be bad news, because after all if the economy slumps people stand to lose their jobs; on the other hand, we know with YOU it's GOOD NEWS, because YOU HAVE A REASON TO ELECT DEMOCRATS!

Posted 8:54 AM by Gene

NEWS HACK MATH:

McDonald's Corp. threw itself a 50th birthday party Friday and opened a huge new fast-food outlet in its home city....

The original McDonald's, called the Speedee Service System, was opened in 1948 in San Bernardino, Calif., by brothers Richard and Maurice McDonald.

So -- 2005-1948=50!!!!!

Sure it does -- when we're SELLING SOMETHING.

Or, THANK YOU, MICK, for supporting SO MANY ROTTEN MEDIA COMPANIES OVER THE YEARS!

Posted 8:51 AM by Gene

One of Congress' most conservative members on Friday....

Since when does a CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGE intend such usage as PRAISE? Isn't a NEWS HACK calling somebody CONSERVATIVE supposed to be like calling him a NAZI?

Of COURSE it is. That's why NEWS HACKS have their MOTIVES.

Posted 8:48 AM by Gene

SUMNER rewards HIS UNDERBOSSES for a JOB WELL DONE.

What if the stock price had gone UP?

Viacom filed documents disclosing the compensation with the Securities and Exchange Commission yesterday, after the market closed.

Who says these CAPOS aren't -- er, SMART?

Posted 9:01 PM by Gene

Futuristic newspaper leaders must innovate and invest for potential big payoffs 10 or 20 years from now, not just with an eye on the next quarter or the next year.

You will never guess who said this. You will NEVER guess.

Posted 5:37 PM by Gene

HEY G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLEBLOGGER! WHY WON'T YOU GIVE ME ANY HITS?????

Posted 5:28 PM by Gene

Another reminder why we will ALWAYS call Jim Dow 36,000.

Posted 5:27 PM by Gene

I'm surprised Bugmeister Bill or the Professor or Dow 36,000 isn't yelling, "The Web, stupid! THE WEB!!"

Posted 5:20 PM by Gene

MORE STARTLING ORIGINALITY ON BROADWAY:

Palm Beach, as Cary bills it, "is a show that really celebrates and explores all of the screwball comedies from the mid-30's to the mid-40's in Hollywood. In a way, it kind of does for screwball comedies what City of Angels did for film noir, except we add a few contemporary twists."

Which somehow reminds us of THE MASTER's line, "It has not vitality enough to preserve it from putrefaction."

Posted 5:16 PM by Gene

A Web site owned by a company in broadcasting and cable makes fun of BRENTCORP.

Hey ST. WARREN! Why do You suppose Your circulation's down? Why do You suppose Dubya's hurling threats Your way? HUH, ST. WARREN?

Posted 3:16 PM by Gene

JONAH LEAVES THE CORNER IN ITALICS!

All the millions they pay these pundits and they can't keep simple HTML housekeeping. Figures.

Posted 1:48 PM by Gene

And in MORE ROMY-posted NEWS:

Tribune Co. to Show Circ Losses; 'L.A. Times' Down More than 5.5% [Emphasis added]

REPEAT: IT'S THE DO-NOT-CALL LAW!!!!!

Posted 1:47 PM by Gene

Most likely it won't happen, but here's predicting the FREEP FIRES OPRAH'S BOY TOY -- because he DID IT BEFORE.

Posted 1:45 PM by Gene

LAUGHTER at REEBOK:

Reebok has agreed to pull a commercial from British television in which rapper 50 Cent counts to nine -- a reference to the fact that he has been shot nine times and survived. The commercial is part of Reebok's "I Am What I Am" campaign, and was initially defended by the company, which said that "it references what [50 Cent] has had to overcome to reach his global iconic status." Reebok added that while it did not always agree with the "athletes and entertainers who wear our products," it nevertheless supports "their individuality and their right to express themselves freely." However, Lucy Cope, founder of Mothers Against Guns, argued that the spot "glamorizes gun crime. My son died of one bullet. 50 Cent is very lucky to be shot nine times and survive." Britain's Advertising Standards Authority had said it was launching an investigation of the complaints.

TRANSLATION: ANY PUBLICITY IS GOOD PUBLICITY.

Posted 11:36 AM by Gene

YAHOO! asks:

Where would you put a tattoo? [Home-page hed]

I'd stick it where the sun don't shine.

Posted 11:34 AM by Gene

I agree -- let's end the big-sugar subsidies. But how much big-sugar money goes to CONGRESSPOOPS? And how many are FREE-EN-TER-PRISE REPUBLICANS?

Posted 11:19 AM by Gene

USAOKAY!!!!! decrees six of the seven late-night comedians worth watching (number seven is GUESS WHO), which means GanNETt should be soliciting ads for coffee, caffeinated soft drinks and anti-sleep medications -- and maybe finding another TV ad-blurb copywriter.

Yes, I DID include LORD KOPPEL OF ESPNCORP.

Posted 11:11 AM by Gene

Some Romy link named Folkenflik (trying saying that quickly a hundred times) is shocked -- SHOCKED!!!!! -- that media companies behave like MEDIA COMPANIES.

When were you born?

Posted 11:07 AM by Gene

So is NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! saying every Congresspoop is entitled to take junkets?

And if every Congresspoop is entitled to take junkets isn't that just ANOTHER REASON TO HATE CONGRESSPOOPS?

Posted 8:38 AM by Gene

And in further CORNER typos:

RE: DELAY [Cliff May]

I was in the Green Room at CNN with two Democrats. One said to the other: “The best thing would be to keep DeLay. Make him the poster boy for Republican corruption. Use him going into the next election. Why would you want to lose someone that useful to you politically?”

The other Democrat replied: “Because he [SIC] too effective, that’s why.”

Posted at 09:22 PM

He too effective at what? At raising money sleazily? At putting his foot in his mouth? At looking like the heavy in a C movie?

He VERY effective.

P. S. Is Tonto a Democrat?

Posted 8:31 AM by Gene

Claim: Head of WSJ empire could be sweating over his job [Romy link]

I would too if I'D just bought MARKETWATCH.

OR:

The Wall Street Journal Online is signing up thousands of new subscribers, up 5.2 percent for the quarter, to a total of 731,000.

But some readers say they're just switching from buying the more expensive print editions of the Journal and Barron's to the lower-priced online versions.

One market watcher said, "Instead of paying about $356 a year for the print version of the Journal and Barron's, I'm gettng it online for $84 a year."

So much for THAT brilliant idea.

Posted 8:26 AM by Gene

LIMBAUGH: HARRY REID FAMILY CASHING IN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THEREFORE (harrumphs and galumphs THE VOICE OF A MILLION UNIVERSES), IF HARRY REID CAN DO IT, OUR HERO CAN DO IT TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When these guys use OTHERS' sleaze to defend SNIDELY WHIPLASH, they have a PROBLEM.

Posted 6:56 AM by Gene

OfficeMax Inc.'s third-largest shareholder is calling on the company's interim chief executive to give up more than $14 million in compensation because of "weak performance and the significant and ongoing challenges" ahead.

LIKE HELL!! I EARNED IT, I'LL KEEP IT!!!!!

Posted 6:48 AM by Gene

More EXCELLENT NEWS in the NEWS BIZ -- from KNIGHTRIDDER:

"Circulation revenue was down 3.6% for the quarter, a consequence of increased discounting and decreased volume. Copies were down 2.6% daily and 2.4% Sunday...."

But revenues were up. WHO NEEDS READERS?

Posted 6:45 AM by Gene

Population loss in city slows to near standstill

TRANSLATION: We're down to the people who can't afford to leave.

Posted 6:31 AM by Gene

Fairy tale ends with Rainier's funeral

No, I'd say the fairy tale ended some time before Princess Grace had the argument in the Land Rover.

Somebody obviously has an expense account to spend.

Posted 6:31 AM by Gene

Democratic National Chairman Howard Dean says his party needs to do more to appeal to voters who have been lost because of unease over "values," including people who oppose abortion and parents who are dismayed by TV programs they find offensive for their children.

How? Well, we can be for abortion -- and we can be financed largely by SHOW-BIZ.

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Posted 6:25 AM by Gene

Krautman writes another of his infernal POP CUL-TYURE COLUMNS in which he says he'll ROOTROOTROOTROOTROOT for the HOME TEAM presumably because he's entitled to tickets as a high-mucky-muck COLUMMIST.

Go Kraut. As in, "[T]o move out of or away from a place expressed or implied : LEAVE, DEPART."

Posted 6:21 AM by Gene

Tribune Profit Up, Circulation Rev. Off

Who needs readers anyway?

Posted 5:07 PM by Gene

Thanks to CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGE Larry, the Don's daughter with the yellow hair gets a SIXTEENTH MINUTE.

Posted 5:01 PM by Gene

Carradine and Sands Lead as Bush and Blair in Iraq War Drama Stuff Happens for US Debut

Now be the cast and crew and do your best Yosemite Sam routine:

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!!!!!!!!!!

Stuff happens.

P. S. You wonder why they couldn't have used a -- STRONGER title. PINCH would have understood.

Posted 1:56 PM by Gene

George Fenton's musical score for Hitch, which was removed from the theatrical release, will finally see the light of day when the DVD release makes its debut in February. Director Andy Tenant has told Home Media Retailing that before the score was completed, he used existing pop songs for the soundtrack. Then, when test audiences reacted positively to them, he decided to keep them in the finished film, given the outlook that "if it's not broken, don't fix it." He said, Fenton's score gave the movie "a wholly different feel. ... It was heartbreaking for me and the composer to cut it."

TRANSLATION: Why did they bother?

Posted 11:47 AM by Gene

This is apparently becoming the knee-jerk lockstep KLUMPH! KLUMPH! CW of the NEWS BIZ: that coverage of the Pope's death and funeral was overly RESPECTFUL. Leaving aside whether any NEWS HACK ever helped bring down a COMMUNIST REGIME, the reason the SCRIBBLERS are suddenly in a TIZ over their HOSANNAHS is if they'd done it THEIR way if would have been ALL MR. GREELEY ALL THE TIME. PLUS the CABLE NEWS OPERATIONS have a SWORN OBLIGATION to make any story TIRESOME. PLUS the hacks were making up for the fact that hardly anybody in the BIZ practices RELIGION, which sorta kinda makes it hard to cover it KNOWLEDGEABLY, so they had to OVERCOMPENSATE. SHUT UP, NEWS HACKS. WE KNOW WHAT YOU THINK.

Posted 11:38 AM by Gene

SHUCKS, reactionaries in Oregon rescind a RIGHT.

They'll just have to get married somewhere else -- and they will.

Posted 11:00 AM by Gene

S. T. Karnick is an associate fellow of the Sagamore Institute for Policy Research and editor of The Reform Club.

Karnick -- wasn't he the guy in the swami hat who always used to hold an envelope to his head and predict the answers to questions?

Stick to your day job, Karnick. Whatever that is.

Posted 10:35 AM by Gene

The president of Cal State Chico, Dr. ZINGG, learns a little late in life:

"To the extent that you are now," he said, "you will no longer be drinking clubs masquerading as fraternities and sororities."

What do you think they're SUPPOSED TO BE?

Hey ZINGG, your school keeps this up and it should be called Cal State Chico Harpo Groucho and Zeppo. Didn't they do a movie set in a college?

Posted 10:27 AM by Gene

Another martyr for the cause of...WHATEVER:

A ninth-grade student suspended for wearing lipstick and eye makeup has accused officials at a Southern California high school of discrimination.

James Herndon, 16, said the five-day suspension imposed Monday by administrators at San Bernardino's Pacific High School was unfair because females are allowed to wear cosmetics on campus.

Herndon said his black lipstick and red eye makeup express the Wiccan religious beliefs he shares with his mother, a priestess in the faith. He contends the suspension violates his constitutional right to free expression.

"If I can't wear makeup," he said, "then the girls or the staff can't wear makeup."

PINCH! You must write an EDITORIAL about this.

Posted 10:15 AM by Gene

The studies concluded that readers between the ages of 21 and 29 have abandoned daily papers and prefer to get news online or from television shows like The Daily Show and even The Simpsons. But newspaper staffs can bring young readers back to dailies by dramatically altering the way they write and package stories. The stories have to be short, snappy, and irreverent, the studies said.

ALMOST A YEAR AGO:

Soon GENS X and Y will be leading the truth-telling charge, with their lack of literacy and their complete disdain for excellence in the arts, and we could have doozies of gimmicks before long in the papers, things like graphical news stories (based on graphical novels -- you know, 400-page comic books) and graffiti-mural stories, and news raps, and pop stars as columnists (almost wholly ghosted); and what's more the current old fogies will probably choose people with POLITICAL experience, and with GENS X and Y that can only mean one thing: the ANARCHIST movement. (Sort of the Woodstock Generation's reflection in the mirror, n'est-ce pas?)

This merely confirms NEWS HACKS are out to make their rags even MORE UNREADABLE.

Posted 10:04 AM by Gene

I don't believe in capital punishment for drug pushing, but boy if this is true these two Gomer Pyles come close to deserving it.

Come to think of it, Gomer was a good guy.

Posted 10:00 AM by Gene

MODEL RAILROADER'S READER OF THE YEAR!

Posted 9:54 AM by Gene

A Texas businessman, along with a Bulgarian and a British citizen, have been indicted in a scheme to pay millions of dollars in kickbacks to Saddam Hussein's regime as part of the United Nations' oil-for-food program, federal prosecutors said Thursday.

A TEXAS businessman. Do I hear liberals salivating?

Posted 9:43 AM by Gene

"It's the response of people who are righteously annoyed by Fox's false advertising and who are unable to see their views regularly presented on cable TV," says Steve Rendall, senior analyst for the liberal watchdog group Fairness & Accuracy in Reporting, based in New York. ''Do we endorse FOXBlocker? No, because we would like to see more diversity in cable broadcasting. We think viewers benefit from opinions they don't believe in."

Did you clear that with DAVID "CRYBABY" BROCK?

Posted 9:16 AM by Gene

And speaking of the BOY TOY MITCH, how many aspiring writers have written poems on the backs of exam books, never to be heard from again?

If Tennessee Williams and BOY TOY were contemporaries Tennessee wouldn't get THE TIME OF DAY.

(Thank you, ArtsJournal.com.)

Posted 9:09 AM by Gene

I hate to flog this DEAD WRITING, but that OPRAH BOY TOY is getting WHUPPED because lots of NEWS HACKS are JEALOUS, jealous of a SCRIBBLER who can write BELCHES and CHEAP PATHOS and make ZILLIONS from it. Not that they have reason for the jealousy; work for a big-name paper and your chances of selling a book or screenplay are fifty-fifty -- and being in a LUXURY NEWS SUITE HELPS. This said, one cannot stand his GUTS because his career has been one uninterrupted ASCENT. It's time for the BOY TOY to face a little HUMILITY, if that's POSSIBLE with someone as GREAT as HE. (Yes, I guess I'M JEALOUS TOO.)

But being a PAPER does the FREEP know what a REPUTATION IS?

Posted 8:55 AM by Gene

Speaking of ads, maybe the SENIOR CLUNKER BROTHER did have a good reason to get mad, but instead it got MAD -- and redirected more of its spending to the kind of JUNK TV it'll pay DOUBLE FOR in FIVE YEARS.

Posted 8:51 AM by Gene

TV AD-SKPPING [SIC] LOSSES TO HIT $27 BILLION OVER FIVE YEARS

OOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooh, all that money the AMERICAN SOCIETY OF WILLFULLY IGNORANT ADVERTISERS will -- SPEND ON TV ANYWAY!!!!!

Posted 8:11 AM by Gene

I would LOVE to know why G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLEBLOGGER'S TOOLBAR decides I should only have hits FIVE HOURS A WEEK.

Posted 6:46 AM by Gene

'Appalling' song choice dooms Turner on 'Idol'

Here's one way news hacks can hasten their biz' demise: by devoting MORE and MORE TIME and RESOURCES to PIECES OF JUNK LIKE THIS, thereby guaranteeing WE HAVE NOTHING TO READ ABOUT.

And thank YOU, CURLEY! (NYUK! NYUK! NYUK!)

Posted 6:39 AM by Gene

More bad news from THE PAPER OF RE-CORD: Young Catholics may be turning more -- CONSERVATIVE.

Aren't we folks supposed to ensure it's the other way around? Maybe that's why it isn't working this time.

Posted 6:37 AM by Gene

SNIDELY changes the subject, which means the story gets even MORE repulsive.

And NO SNIDE, we DON'T NEED your HOUSE of ILL REPUTE to REVIEW JUDGES. We have ENOUGH comedy from the OTHER CHAMBER.

Posted 6:29 AM by Gene

That NEWS HACKS can devote UNTOLD MILLIONS OF WORDS TO THEIR TEAM'S OPENING tells us where the center of the universe is -- which is why people can't stand them OR their universe's center.

Posted 4:56 PM by Gene

I gather eXTreMe tRAcKiNG that most of what hits I get come from G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLEBLOGGER'S TOOLBAR, meaning hardly anybody hits my site for me. I cannot go on typing into a void. But if the Web is any comfort, it's a HUGE one.

Posted 4:53 PM by Gene

One hates to comment on such press releases, but here's guessing Dorothy's dress goes for a LOT more than five digits as the POP-CUL-TYURE AUCTION BIZ is in a permanent state of EBAY.

Posted 4:50 PM by Gene

I'll congratulate Toenail.com: never has anyone made the female breast more sexless -- or repulsive.

Posted 3:06 PM by Gene

Well, RFK in Washington won't be called National Guard Stadium.

Doesn't that sound like something in Bolivia? And only $6 million of OUR money.

Posted 2:47 PM by Gene

That's okay -- for us it's NON too.

We don't know if another Europe's possible. The current one's IMpossible.

Posted 1:27 PM by Gene

A scant nine years after creating CHEAP CHANNEL, $1000-A-MONTH CABLE BILLS and the V-CHIP (PFFH-HH-HH!!!!!), a REPUBLICAN wants a NEW TELECOMMUNICATIONS ACT.

Why didn't you MORONS get it right the LAST time?

Posted 1:21 PM by Gene

What's maddening about the Mitch Albom biz -- and no, he shouldn't be FIRED -- is that his punishment will be symbolic. He'll still make millions OPRAHIZING, he'll still make millions GASSING ABOUT SPORT. One could say Mitch is a victim of PRESS BIAS. Why? Because perhaps if NEWS HACKS had done an excellent job these last thirty or so years people wouldn't notice "transgressions" like this. They'd view them as jokes, as people used to. Well, THE PRESS ISN'T FUNNY ANYMORE.

Posted 12:35 PM by Gene

Train station? Airport terminal?

A MUSEUM. FIGURES.

Posted 8:26 AM by Gene

The RUSH LIMBAUGH of the HOUSE compares SNIDELY WHIPLASH to the I-MAN!!!!!

I think likening your hero to an alcoholic comedian may not be that flattering.

Posted 8:24 AM by Gene

If people want to pay $50 and up for a vaudeville ticket, it's their money.

Posted 6:48 AM by Gene

It seems the BBC is making a documentary about a single song, Bob Marley’s beautiful "No Woman, No Cry." And one that deserves it. I’ll have more to say about "No Woman, No Cry" and its singular, initially mistaken meaning in my life.

Let me guess -- it's -- EVERYBODY'S FAVORITE ROCK BLURBIST, DEEP PHILOSOPHER AND HITLER EXPERT!

Posted 6:44 AM by Gene

If the SENIOR CLUNKER BROTHER can boast of all the JUNK TELEVISION it finances, if it can yell to the world that it WON'T TAKE IT FROM THE LALATIMES ANYMORE, the LEAST it can do is put its MARK OF EXCELLENCE on its RATTLETRAPS.

Posted 5:40 PM by Gene

Bolton Appears Headed for Confirmation

SHUCKS, ANOTHER reactionary makes his way into the government. Where's CHUCK HAGEL when you NEED him?

Posted 5:01 PM by Gene

The TRENT LOTT MEMORIAL MICKEY MOUSE PROTECTION ACT does AN INVALUABLE SERVICE for the NOBLE CAUSE of FREE SPEECH.

This is ONE REASON I get MAD at the likes of SNIDELY.

Posted 4:59 PM by Gene

In more exciting news of the THEA-TAH, SUZANNE SOMERS is doing a one-woman show!

Well, she's somewhat better looking than WHOOPI.

Posted 11:34 AM by Gene

The HOLY COCKROACHES haven't finished casing the joint YET.

Posted 11:08 AM by Gene

More EXCELLENT NEWS in high finance:

Feds Indict 15 for Securities Fraud

Posted 10:20 AM by Gene

From Jim Wright to Newt Gingrich, powerful House leaders have become targets of opposition.

And what do Jim "The Author" Wright, Newt "Dennis the Menace" Gingrich and SNIDELY WHIPLASH have in common? They all look like HEAVIES.

Posted 10:04 AM by Gene

More AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW:

The serial killer Harold Shipman was badly affected by having his privileges cut in prison in the weeks before he hanged himself, an inquest heard today.

The good news:

Harold Shipman's method of death was swift and effective, the inquest was told.

Just like 250 other times.

Do we Americans know who this monster was?

Posted 10:01 AM by Gene

The STUFF that concerns GEEKS:

Linux: Is Ubuntu a Compatibility Nightmare for Debian?

Posted 6:50 AM by Gene

REV. AL has a SWEET TOOTH? WHO'D have THOUGHT?

Posted 6:36 AM by Gene

The man who keeps an eternal flame lit for TRICKY DICK on the grounds of his 200-ROOM MANSION, the GREAT STONE FACE OF ANNOYING TV ADS, says THESE CALUMNIOUS ACCUSATIONS AGAINST SNIDELY WHIPLASH MUST STOP!

GUILTY AS CHARGED!

Posted 6:29 AM by Gene

You engaging in PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY, ST. WARREN?

Maybe You'd better slick up YOUR WEB SITE now.

Posted 6:25 AM by Gene

Free enterprise wins again in the drug trade!

CAVEAT: this is AAAAAAAARP. By the way, whatever happened to the drug industry's lobbyist, the former kingmaker SLEAZEBALL GUMBO, the SNIDELY WHIPLASH of LOUUUUUUUUSIANA? Seems he's kept a low profile since he's been living the good life. Come out, come out, wherever you are!

Posted 6:22 AM by Gene

One of RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'S brightest lights, JUDITH, is GOING HOLLYWOOD, confirming the PUBLISHING BIZ isn't about literature, it's about discouraging people from reading.

Posted 6:52 PM by Gene

Sen. O'Specter is preparing an asbestos-liability bill with Democrats, which means we probably won't hear about it because the topic's so interesting.

Posted 6:42 PM by Gene

We knew THE PAPER OF RE-CORD had a LOVE AFFAIR with WOODSTER THE PERV, but we didn't think he WROTE TV BLURBS for it.

Posted 6:40 PM by Gene

Suspicious wires from a CD player -- another good excuse to hermetically seal the Congress, if it isn't locked, bolted and hammered shut already.

Posted 11:58 AM by Gene

Speaking of Ka-CHINNNNNNNNNNNNNG!:

It takes some 60 pages to list all the authors who presented studies at the annual meeting of the American College of Cardiology in March, and another 30 pages to list all their financial conflicts. Many academic researchers serve on the speakers' bureau of one company or another, helping to educate other doctors. Others work as consultants, often a necessary step in bringing drugs to market. Still others work on company-funded clinical trials, the main way that medicines are studied for safety and efficacy.

All of these are lucrative gigs that can make or break a career in medical research. If a researcher wants to run a clinical trial on a Genentech cancer drug, it's unlikely to happen if the company doesn't want to pay. (The National Institutes of Health funds relatively few trials.) Speaking can help raise an expert's profile among his peers.

Well, SOMEONE will benefit from all this logrolling -- LAWYERS.

Posted 11:52 AM by Gene

Stadium Land Rush
Developers Deal for Prime Properties Around Ballpark Site

Do I hear the sound of PRISON GATES CLANKING?

Posted 11:46 AM by Gene

HED OF THE WEEK:

CORRECTED: Microsoft Files 8 Counterfeit Lawsuits

Posted 11:27 AM by Gene

You show-biz clowns did well enough despite censorship BEFORE; you should be able do to well enough AGAIN.

Posted 11:21 AM by Gene

A mother and child die in a molotov-cocktail bombing, but because it's "gang-related" we can go ho-hum.

What makes us tolerate so much murder?

Posted 10:47 AM by Gene

The American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers is buybuyBUYING BASEBALL!!!!! BUT:

[T]here’s another reason baseball is doing well: the canceled National Hockey League season. “If you take the Stanley Cup playoffs out of April, May and June, it leaves a lot of ratings points to make up,” said Ray Warren, managing director at OMD. “There are also fewer spring rating points for the NBA, which is mostly on cable now. So it seems like it would be hard for baseball not to succeed.” [LAST GRAF.]

And you can't intimidate your subordinates by saying, "I SAW THE STANLEY CUP FINALS AND YOU DIDN'T!" Especially when they play in an empty house.

Posted 10:32 AM by Gene

UH oh:

Now, I haven't made up my mind about Delay [NRO Corner SIC] yet. I think it is obvious that there is a liberal campaign to "get Delay [Second NRO Corner SIC]." But that doesn't mean he's not guilty.... of something.

Okay Jonah, maybe this is a highly coordinated smear effort. But as I've said before, this is ALSO ABOUT SNIDELY WHIPLASH, and he's guilty...of SOMETHING.

Posted 10:15 AM by Gene

Another post from ROMY:

"...I think that American newspapers have taken a very serious wrong turn, and that aside from a few newspapers the quality of the product is in decline, especially for the reader, and I think that newspapers have forgotten that their readers are readers and love writing - writing is what people want. They don't want a sort of concept of journalism; they want writers. And writers are always individuals.

"This is what people turn to newspapers for. They don't turn to newspapers for advice and for personal service and for sort of glossy pieces about lifestyle and home decor and cooking and how to bring up your children. They're really looking to newspapers for the same thing that people looked to newspapers for back before television - television didn't change anything and USA Today didn't really change anything."

There are two ways of taking this: 1. This is GARRISON KEILLOR, and he's mad that papers aren't running enough BUSH=HITLER, or 2. We should take it as is. We will be generous today and go with 2., in which case we agree 100 percent with him.

Posted 9:33 AM by Gene

At least the Pakistanis had the guts to admit their national's being held for ransom, which they will no doubt have the guts to pay.

Posted 9:10 AM by Gene

STUPID is READING A (ahem) GRAPHIC NOVEL. STUPID SQUARED is WILLINGLY READING AN AD DISGUISED AS A (ahem) GRAPHIC NOVEL.

Untold adolescent stupids go DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Posted 9:03 AM by Gene

Possible GOOD NEWS:

Hollywood's box-office slump continued as overall revenues remained down for the seventh-straight weekend. The top 12 movies took in $80.3 million, off 18 percent from the same weekend last year.

Revenues for the year have fallen slightly behind those of 2004, when Hollywood rang up record domestic grosses of $9.4 billion.

That means attendance is down too. Must keep in mind BRENT'S FAVORITE MOVIE played this time last year, but here's hoping, here's hoping....

Posted 8:59 AM by Gene

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW:

Harold Shipman, the GP who killed more than 250 of his patients, was in "deep despair" about being separated from his family, according to his prison diary.

What about his "patients"?

Posted 8:52 AM by Gene

It's official: the video game biz' ALPHABET SOUP is even worse than JACK'S!

Posted 8:46 AM by Gene

JOKE OF THE DAY (courtesy of ArtsJournal.com): A POP MUUUUUUUUUUSIC CRRRRRRITIC complains of BAD SOUND at RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROCK CONCERTS.

Hey guy, better check your ears.

Posted 6:44 AM by Gene

There is a DIFFERENCE, I'm afraid, between forgiving MR. LAW and REHABILITATING him.

Posted 6:40 AM by Gene

Do we really need HOWIE HAIRSHIRT, who is proof ANYONE can be a media apologist, to tell us ANYONE can be a BLOGGER?

Posted 6:37 AM by Gene

Unfortunately, BRENTCORP, you media professionals ALL have your favorite types of violence -- ad-blurb copywriters like decapitations and arm-loppings; you like exploding soldiers and floggings (WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAP!!!!!). What's more you both root for violence for a cause -- the blurbists for "beauty," you for GOD AND COUNTRY. Millionaire scribblers, millionaire lobbyists, millionaires and BUMS taste about alike to me.

Posted 6:28 AM by Gene

Waste...fraud...abuse...LEGACY.

That NEWS HACKS admit a SLICK program like COPS didn't work is like watching the sun rising in the west, but we'll take it.

Posted 7:41 PM by Gene

Here's alarming news from JIM BAKKER'S FORMER HOMETOWN that seems to have gotten ZERO PLAY (and I can't directly link to it because this is an exceedingly cute Macromedia Flash-equipped site):

ScentAir Technologies Signs Major Distribution Deal
Muzak to distribute innovative aromatic products alongside its musical repertoire.
April 08, 2005

CHARLOTTE, NC – ScentAir Technologies, Inc., the leading provider of scent branding solutions for retailers and brand marketers, signed a multi-year deal with Muzak, LLC, to distribute ScentAir’s patented environmental scent systems to its clients.

Muzak, the nation’s premier music and audio messaging provider, agreed to deliver ScentAir’s innovative retail enhancement in conjunction with its music service as a way to more fully craft and develop an exclusive experience for its customers.

“We are extremely pleased with our new partnership with Muzak,” said ScentAir President and CEO David Van Epps. ScentAir approached Muzak because of its similar market and complementary product line that easily could be delivered to clients simultaneously. “The ScentAir/Muzak relationship is designed to allow Muzak to bring an important new service to its clients that enhances an already innovative brand. It's the perfect extension for a company that is all about creating experiences for its clients."

Fort Mill, SC-based Muzak and Charlotte, NC-based ScentAir finalized the multi-year agreement on April 4. Effective immediately, the deal specifies that Muzak will offer its clients the ScentAir service, while ScentAir opens up its full collection of scents and patented scent-systems to Muzak at a volume based wholesale pricing schedule. The distribution agreement is a product enhancement for both companies, opening up additional markets to each. Muzak and ScentAir will work in tandem – offering clients and their customers a myriad of original retail experiences.

“Our products are very compatible and it was an easy connection to make,” said Muzak Senior Vice President of Product and Marketing Kenny Kahn. “Throughout its 70-year history, Muzak has always been about enhancing the customer’s retail experience. Being a ScentAir distributor enables us to offer our clients another strong motivator. This is a powerful combination,” said Kahn. “It was a good fit for Muzak and a smart partnership for ScentAir.”

“Retailers can use music and aromas in similar ways to affect customers’ choices,” said Van Epps. “Researchers have proven that our sense of smell has a great impact on consumers’ behavior and mood. Couple an enticing smell with appropriate music and our clients can create a unique experience for their customers.”

TRANSLATION: Not being content to deafen us with its foreground abominations, MUZAK wants to stink us out of stores too. What's to prevent Muzak from dispensing other kinds of things in the air -- elixirs, for instance, to make people feel good? Haven't these IDIOTS heard of INDOOR AIR POLLUTION?

The good news: MUZAK's losing a lot of money, and its only "independent director" just quit because he complained the company wouldn't sumbit to an impartial audit. The bad news: It's losing money largely because of onerous interest payments on its debt; and what's more, MUZAK'S SALES ARE UP.

P. S. To get to this outrageous news you must do the following: go to Muzak.com, then click on your desired bandwidth in the right-hand window (it doesn't matter), then in the left-hand window under the heading "Information" click on "Muzak," then under the heading "01" click on "Press," then under the heading "02" click on "Press Releases." It's currently the one at the top. That the company went to such lengths to obscure this shows the it's up to NO GOOD.

Posted 6:46 PM by Gene

Having tried to avoid SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS lately, I have just now come across this:

I wonder if [GM's boycott of the LALA Times] has anything to do with [the paper's] recent shilling for Syria and North Korea?

little is so frequently over the top that something like this hardly even registers. When proud members of The American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers have sponsored The Osama Channel and Hezbollah TV does one really think they give a damn about SYRIA and NORTH KOREA? They view them as emerging markets. Back on your tricycle, Charles.

Posted 6:40 PM by Gene

How many are TWXSTERS THIS time?

Posted 6:34 PM by Gene

NEWS HACKS -- UNBIASED, IMPARTIAL AND FAIR AS USUAL:

DELAY DRAWS FIRE FROM THE RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [home-page hed]

This is like NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, only LIBERAL. It links to:

Shays calls for DeLay to step down, say he's 'hurting' GOP

I'm waiting for Jim "Profile in Courage" Jeffords to chime in.

Just as SNIDELY WHIPLASH doesn't care how SLEAZY he is, NEWS HACKS no longer care how BIASED they are.

Posted 5:01 PM by Gene

An exceptionally USEFUL post from THE SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGER for the LITTLE GUY:

Byron York's new The Vast Left-Wing Conspiracy is riveting reading, full of original material and insight. You really need to buy this one and then pass it on.

Now replace Byron York's book with, say, Michael Moore's Stupid White Men and you'll imagine a post by Kos, which should tell you how INVALUABLE THIS post by MR. BIG MAN for the LITTLE GUY is.

Posted 4:56 PM by Gene

I didn't know maintaining a bully pulpit was so expensive.

CAVEAT: Next time, DOW JONES FREELOADERS' BIZNEWS EDITION, do NOT mention Henry Waxman's party affiliation.

Posted 4:49 PM by Gene

John Kerry thinks he can win the next election by pushing "voting reform."

You lost, MONSIEUR HEINZ -- even WITH all those DEAD VOTERS.

Posted 4:28 PM by Gene

I just reminded myself of something to post about two days hence, especially given my second item today: Tuesday will be the 60th anniversary of FDR's death. Expect lots of con-SER-va-tive fuming over what a wicked man he was as the father of big government (couldn't Honest Abe lay claim to that?), with undertones of Pat Buchanan's Pearl Harbor conspiracy theory. Yes, FDR did things he shouldn't have: he had way too much faith in bureaucrats and eggheads, he tried packing the Supreme Court, he paid little attention to the Jews of Europe, he interned the Japanese-Americans; at worst he could be devious indeed. But he did win a war, and he chose his successor well, despite himself, and he did come to realize -- albeit too late for him -- that America could not trust Stalin or his blood-soaked henchmen. Close doesn't just count in horseshoes, and FDR was close enough.

It will also be the 60th anniversary of the accession of Harry Truman. Con-SER-va-tives will think of something with him too.

Posted 4:21 PM by Gene

Terry Teachout wrote a sad book review for the April Commentary about the demise of the classical music biz. He blames it in part on orchestras unwilling to play new music. The problem is (and as Mr. Teachout himself says) the new stuff was never up to the old. Why play third-rate new music when you have first-rate old music? So the concert hall became a mausoleum. Classical music will never completely die out; there'll always be a guilt feeling among our superiors for endorsing mediocrity, or worse; but is a culture worth saving that has no good serious music?

Posted 4:18 PM by Gene

There's a new fad here in Philthydelphia: CONDOS. There are about 500 condo projects going on, which supposes two things: 1. That there are LOTS of high-paying jobs in town, or 2. That there are lots of high-paying jobs in the suburbs held by YUPPIES who really want to reverse-commute and be in the middle the crime and the graffiti. As both assumptions seem, well, a little questionable, and as so many million-dollar houses are a-building all over America, we can hope in time they become at least AFFORDABLE condos.

Posted 1:51 PM by Gene

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANYBODY OUT THERE?

Posted 1:48 PM by Gene

Meantime China and Japan are busy debating WHOSE Asian century.

Posted 1:43 PM by Gene

Wen sees 'Asian century' for IT industry

...and auto industry, and clothing industry, and electronics industry, and....

Posted 1:37 PM by Gene

Santorum advises DeLay to respond to ethics questions

What he ought to do is shut his mouth up except to say IT'S ALL GEORGE SOROS'S FAULT!

Posted 8:44 AM by Gene

We should not be surprised that LIBERALS assume the WRATH of GOD over BAKE SALES, for their RIGHTEOUSNESS is HOLY -- even if it's HALF-BAKED.

Posted 8:30 AM by Gene

KATE Moss' crackhead rocker fianc‚[SIC], Pete Doherty, is a one-minute wonder in bed with a less-than-impressive endowment, his ex-girlfriend says. Doherty's French ex, Carole Desbois, 27, tells London's News of the World that Doherty, 26, whom she dated in the summer of 2001, "never kept going sexually for more than a few minutes at a time. The drugs definitely affected his sex drive. He often went limp during sex because of the drugs." She also sniffs, "He's pretty inexperienced" in the sack. Before she consented to sex, Desbois said she had to scrub down the filthy rocker, who stank to high heaven. "It was like standing next to a pile of manure," Desbois says. "The grimy odor would have put me off having sex. I did everything for him that night from washing his hair to clipping his fingernails because they had so much dirt underneath." And this was before Doherty started shooting up. "He was only smoking cannabis, taking speed [or] acid," she notes. "He hadn't moved on to hard drugs. He didn't have the money."

Aren't you glad we have RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?

Posted 8:24 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: Cardinals run for office too, sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Posted 8:15 AM by Gene

I know, it's BLUNDER, and yes, NEWS HACKS want to get rid of SNIDELY WHIPLASH BECAUSE HE'S CONSERVATIVE, and yes, GEORGE SOROS has written MOST of these STORIES, but it's also SNIDELY WHIPLASH, and he IS a WORLD-CHAMPION SLEAZEBALL.

The more con-SER-va-tives deny SNIDE'S ETHICALLY CHALLENGED the more THEY look like SLEAZEBALLS TOO. POP-UP POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWERLINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 8:13 AM by Gene

We need the League of Nations to tell us the HOLY COCKROACHES wanted NUKES.

Sure we should have put that in the PAST TENSE, O NUCLEAR OVERSEER?

Posted 8:08 AM by Gene

'DukesFest' Reunites Cast Members and Fans for 2005 Celebration of the Original Hit Series 'The Dukes of Hazzard'

I was about to say now SUMNER won't shut up about this, but the film's being made by the TWXSTERS. Oh well, one organized-crime syndicate is just like another.

Posted 8:07 AM by Gene

Silent Cardinals Prepare to Choose Pope

At least SOMEONE these days knows how to keep his mouth shut.

Posted 8:02 AM by Gene

I gather, then, that Vijay and Wrong-Way do not like each other.

Posted 7:59 AM by Gene

Just because Marines want to come home, ST. WARREN, doesn't mean they've suddenly taken YOUR SIDE.

Posted 7:54 AM by Gene

And in more earth-shattering news, BLUNDER finds a memo that reveals -- FDR was SICK.

We need YOU to report these things? I wonder -- where were you in 1944 and 1945? (PFFH-HH-HH!)

Posted 7:50 AM by Gene

I can hear MR. MARK now: "Why did that g-----n Pope have to die at the end of the week? Why did he have to be so popular? Sighhhhhhhhhh, now we have to devote TWO issues to him. All these holy-rolling -- well, I guess, Catholics aren't such holy rollers, but dammit! Why couldn't we plug -- er, feature Mariah Carey on the cover? Why do we have to waste so much of our space on a dead body?"

Why do 3,000,000 dimwits waste so much money on YOU?