Posted 6:29 PM by Gene

Ever since I started this blog I've wanted to devote every week to a review of CDs I have, and so if you will forgive my verbosity I discuss tonight a great jazzman and a great record producer.

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Though he cut only twenty commercial sides in his horribly short life (he died of TB at 22), Charlie Christian was a huge influence in jazz because he brought it the electric guitar. He was to the instrument what his boss Benny Goodman was to the clarinet: precise, never wasting a note, with a born intelligence for improvising, and when the music required it, a warm, understated eloquence. It stretches credulity to claim he invented bop, as some would, but its primordial stirrings are surely there. His impact was immediate -- we hear it in the King Cole Trio, which owes a lot of its emotional wallop to the guitar -- and it was long lasting, through his de facto "pupils" Wes Montgomery and George Benson, whose sound is uncannily like Christian's, but then they obviously studied under the right teacher.

Two years back Sony issued a four-disc box (literally a box, shaped like Christian's Gibson guitar amp) of his tracks with Goodman's sextet, plus three sides with the band. Calling it The Genius of the Electric Guitar is pure show-biz bunk but we can't deny something God-given is here, something more than mere talent. The sextet is odd for its low-key, almost cerebral sound, thanks to the pairing of Goodman's high-polished style and Lionel Hampton's vibes; it sounds like jivey chemists at work. But if it didn't scream it was never less than sublime. With the band Christian did two jazz classics: Fletcher Henderson's up-tempo "Honeysuckle Rose" and the great "Solo Flight," exactly as named. The set ends with a remarkable document: a twenty-four-minute jam session with the sextet minus Benny and bass, which despite extremely variable audio emerges as jazz in its rarest of forms: swinging and ethereally beautiful.

I recommend this box but with two big qualifiers: first, because Christian recorded so little and because jazz buffs are obsessive completists it has LOTS of repetitive alternates (Benny seems to have loved his own tunes; one has ten takes through two sessions); it's best to skip those on first hearing and just go for the good parts. Second is its notorious packaging: the imitation guitar amp was okay, but someone decided to win a Grammy® by putting the discs not in jewel boxes but in a foam piece with slits; mine came from the factory scuffed, and one was scratched. To be sure, scuffing and scratching do nothing to the sound, but it is exasperating to work the discs in and out, and the design can't prolong their life. (Fortunately Sony's excellent Count Basie set came in a conventional jewel box. More on that later.)

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Goddard Lieberson was the Bill Paley of music. If this sounds like an insult (and one could think that given what Paley's life ultimately amounted to) it isn't; despite his surface flash and flair (he signed his letters "God") he was perhaps the greatest producer and businessman records ever knew. He helped push the LP; he all but invented the audiobook by greenlighting Ed Murrow's I Can Hear It Now (the most important record ever made, but that requires some time); he pioneered mail-order media by founding what is now Columbia House, and most important, he signed a galaxy of stars, from Leonard Bernstein to The Nose to Johnny Cash and Bob Dylan; he made Columbia the preeminent label through two decades, until Steve Ross's embalmers at Warner invented disposable music. (Several minuses: he was two years behind RCA in recording in stereo, and he hired LEGENDARY DAVIS, who hired LEGENDARY YETNIKOFF.)

His greatest triumph of all, the reason his name will live, was in his cast albums, almost ninety of them, some of the finest recordings the industry knew; superb albums with taste and intelligence and an unmistakable sound; he brought Broadway to records, and thus to the masses, and for long as he recorded cast albums the musical thrived, though it was already in its waning days. Lately the niche label DRG has been licensing some Sony/CBS product, mostly flop musicals from the early sixties; that hardly matters because these albums are highly entertaining.

Bravo Giovanni for one stars the Italian tenor Cesare Siepi and Michele Lee in a show that I think has something to do with an Italian restaurant in Rome that serves chicken chow mein (one cannot be sure with flop musicals, or their liner notes), and the producers seemed to know it was a commercially dubious proposition because they ordered its orchestrator make the music LOUD!, and the conductor to play it LOUDER!!, and the songs (by Milton Schafer, who had one hit in his career, "He Touched Me") have cute little annoying tics, but they're so well sung (especially by the great character actor George S. Irving; who knew he had such a voice?) you don't notice.

First Impressions was a misbegotten Abe Burrows adaptation of Pride and Prejudice, with a score by three writers (including George David Weiss, co-inventor of "Can't Help Falling in Love") who don't know when to set the music, so they set it anywhere; Polly Bergen and Farley Grainger's accents suffer from jet lag. Happily Hermione Gingold has the time of her life after her smash in Gigi, and if Miss Bergen's part should really be sung by a Barbara Cook -- she's too breathy alto and worldly-wise -- again it scarce matters when a whole album has such a smiling glow.

The Happiest Girl in the World was a short-lived attempt to set Aristophanes's Lysistrata to Offenbach and E. Y. "Yip" Harburg; but somehow the great operettist seems mildly antediluvian next to sex, and Harburg's lyrics are very good as always (he held down the preciousness this time), but not wickedly funny as they must be; it's the sort of show that can only exist in the ideal of one's head, as uninhibited eroticism and real life don't mesh. Lieberson's firm hand overcomes the weaknesses, not least in some of the singing; and there will never be another Cyril Ritchard.

Upcoming on DRG's release schedule is something unaccountably out of print for decades: The Mad Show. I've never heard it; I question how mirth-provoking it can be with songs by the tuneless Mary Rodgers and a pseudonymous lyric by HERR DOKTOR SONDHEIM. Still it's one more reissue to look forward to. Now why couldn't DRG license What Makes Sammy Run? from the schlockmeisters Steve and Eydie and do some vault research to issue it in stereo?

P. S. I see one of the omnipotent POWER LINE gang acknowledges that Mark Steyn wrote a book about musicals, and all but confesses it's beyond his understanding by labeling it "eccentric," but we'll assume it's okay because he's a true believer. Honest, what SUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS will TYPE....

Posted 1:50 PM by Gene

The Florida Marlins will not be allowed to play in their stadium after the 2010 season, the latest factor in the team's prolonged struggle to get a new ballpark.

Pro Player Stadium president Bruce Schulze said 2010 is the last of a series of one-year lease options for the Marlins, who share the complex with the Miami Dolphins. He said dropping the Marlins would let the stadium pursue such events as cricket and soccer.

Is this an insult or WHAT?

Posted 1:40 PM by Gene

A Burger King employee was fired after she refused to return a 10-foot-tall SpongeBob Squarepants balloon that she sold for $1,025 in an Internet auction.

Another PROUD eBay seller.

The balloon was one of several listed on eBay. Dozens of the balloons have been stolen from the roofs of Burger Kings from Florida to Utah since the release of The SpongeBob Squarepants Movie, authorities said.

OR:

We believe people are basically good.

And with our diligence, we can make them bad.

Posted 1:37 PM by Gene

YASSER WAS POISONED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Translation: The Palis still don't want peace.

P. S. We can be sure news hacks, being sympathetic to the cause, would invent some information.

Posted 10:39 AM by Gene

Question: If Victor Yushchenko's wife could taste poison on his lips when they kissed, why couldn't he?

This is, after all, THE FORMER SOVIET UNION.

Posted 10:36 AM by Gene

SUMNER's doing a TV movie about MICKEYMOUSE NIXON AND MICHAEL.

Watch out, SUMNER -- someday someone might do a TV movie about YOU.

Posted 10:22 AM by Gene

And speaking of bootstraps, you have to wonder how many of our superiors have been able to get away with their nanny problem.

Posted 10:15 AM by Gene

Both sides have set their brains in cement on poverty, conservatives touting the social-Darwini -- er, BOOTSTRAPS approach, liberals insisting we must smother the poor with social programs. It would never occur to the parties that maybe neither panacea works.

Posted 7:26 PM by Gene

Well, not finally: What's the difference between this CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGE press release and a DNC press release?

I'll give you extra time to think.

Posted 7:02 PM by Gene

Finally, our GOOD GUY OF THE DAY:

Packers quarterback Brett Favre showed off his new hair cut to the media Wednesday.

No. 4 has a buzz cut.

He shaved it for a good reason, however.

His wife, Deanna, is undergoing chemotherapy for breast cancer and is starting to lose her long brown hair.

Favre wants to show her his support.

"She'll look a hell of a lot better than me without hair, but maybe that will make her feel better. I don't know. She has to do it, has no choice, but whatever support I can give her," Favre said.

Even if he does play against your team.

Posted 6:48 PM by Gene

Still and all, why the campaign against BRENTCORP, or any concerted campaign supportive of SHOW-BIZ, is doomed to hit a brick wall:

TOTAL REVENUES FOR THE TOP 100 MEDIA COMPANIES IN 2003:
$208,895,000,000

TOTAL REVENUES FOR THE TOP 100 MEDIA COMPANIES' PARENTS IN 2003:
$505,007,000,000

AVERAGE ANNUAL REVENUE GROWTH FOR THE TOP 100 MEDIA COMPANIES IN 2003:
7.716%

(Caveat: the second number is misleading as it includes huge companies whose principal business isn't media, i.e., AmEx, Bill's Buggy Empire and GE Bancorp. Further some companies in the first tally are inexplicably absent from the second. But one should keep these numbers in mind when show-biz [and BIG-BIZ] proxies like STERNO!!!!! try to paint this as a fight against little guys.)

(Further caveat: the first number does not include several members of THE CONSPIRACY, including Sony, or any "music" companies.)

Posted 6:00 PM by Gene

BRENTCORP STRIKES AGAIN!

I'm beginning to wonder if BRENTCORP might be an entertainment industry plot to rid it of ANY standards.

Posted 5:32 PM by Gene

And in news of the thea-TAH, Lord Schlockintosh is expanding Mary Poppins from 90 minutes to three hours, which alone is reason enough to put it off limits to young kids -- and older kids and adults too.

Posted 5:20 PM by Gene

ASTOUNDING NEWS FROM THE MOTION PICTURE REALM!!!!!

Nicole Kidman Withdraws from "Producers" Film

Or in the words of the immortal Ben Jonson:

Nay, you must never hope to lay her now. [The Alchemist, IV.v.37]

Posted 5:14 PM by Gene

Romy must be feeling better:

Anyone care to help monitor Washington Times' mistakes?

Hey ROMY! Care to help monitor the PAPER OF RE-CORD'S MISTAKES?

NO.

Posted 2:28 PM by Gene

Andy Rooney says Viacon Network may do AN HOUR-LONG EVENING NEWS!

Hey Andy, I've got a great motto: "The NEW hour-long CBS Evening News! Twice the news, twice the lies!"

And maybe three times the memos!

Posted 1:17 PM by Gene

A disciple of St. Warren of Buffett, the pious former CapCities CEO Tom Murphy, likened Michael Ovitz to cancer.

So what does that make MICKEYMOUSE NIXON?

Posted 1:06 PM by Gene

Berlusconi acquitted of corruption

Shucks! And he's a CONSERVATIVE.

Posted 10:30 AM by Gene

ROMY sounds a little ticked because WALTER WINCHELL!!!!! "and other blogs" "cut-and-pasted" our crusading Chattanooga reporter's memo.

So what is "ROMENESKO"?

Posted 9:59 AM by Gene

A METAL FAN mourns the loss of A MASTER.

But why couldn't he have used a blog instead of A WIRE SERVICE?

"LEGACY," sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Time to update THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY, again.

Posted 9:48 AM by Gene

THE GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT IN THE HISTORY OF ART IS ALSO A GREAT VEHICLE FOR PRODUCT PLACEMENTS!

Posted 9:33 AM by Gene

KLUMPH, KLUMPH, KLUMPH, KLUMPH: Now BigMedia's proxies have a new shtick, accusing BRENTCORP of being the BEAN COUNTERS of PRUDERY.

I DON'T LIKE MR. PATRIOTIC GORE EITHER. (And of course this typist [who once wrote a LENGTHY piece about his namesake the PERFESSER OF BAD TV] snickers about P.G.'s compromises with RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, not because RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s slime, but because he's "CONSERVATIVE.") Still what his outfit does is what used to be handled by standards-and-practices departments (which have been disbanded) and advertisers (who now believe good taste is CENSORSHIP.) Yes, it's stupid behavior, and it's nitpicking to the nth degree, but BRENTCORP's doing it BECAUSE NO ONE IN THE BIZ HAS ANY SENSE.

Posted 8:49 AM by Gene

OH oh:

In other comments Thursday, [Sirius Satellite Radio chairman Joseph] Clayton promised to give [YAHWEH!!!!!] "all the freedom he wants" to host his morning show on Sirius. But he quickly noted that the Federal Communications Commission issues the company's licenses.

STERNO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 8:16 AM by Gene

"I'M GOING OUT TELLING THE STORY THAT I THINK IS THE BIGGEST STORY OF OUR TIME: HOW THE RIGHT-WING MEDIA HAS BECOME A PARTISAN PROPAGANDA ARM OF THE REPUBLICAN NATIONAL COMMITTEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I think we're all QUITE UPSET that Bill Moyers won't be telling stories any more, as he's decided to MOVE ON into retirement.

'Bye Bill! Watch your car on the way out.

Posted 6:50 AM by Gene

SONY! YOUR MARKETING RESEARCH PEOPLE LOOKING FOR ANOTHER DWEEB?????

Posted 6:33 AM by Gene

So long as those who even modestly question Islam are ZIONISTS!!!!! and INFIDELS!!!!!, we may assume it will be holy to fly airplanes into buildings, and butcher women and children.

At least people are asking questions, which is more than they were doing five years ago.

Posted 6:24 AM by Gene

A major spill of dense, viscous fuel from a freighter that ran aground was menacing sensitive wildlife habitat in the Aleutian Islands, but finding the six crew members lost at sea remained a priority....

It takes years of highly specialized training to be able to type like this. Human life is possibly less important than coating birds with petroleum goo. I don't like coating birds with petroleum goo -- we had a spill of our own in these parts -- but I don't like the notion that birds are AT LEAST AS IMPORTANT AS PEOPLE either.

No wonder news hacks ask their questions under ASSUMED IDENTITIES.

Posted 7:59 PM by Gene

David Brudnoy, one of the few intelligent voices in talk radio, and possibly the last, has died. At least he is free from cancer now, and AIDS, and is at peace.

Posted 6:27 PM by Gene

Reading this link from -- I'll admit it -- LITTLE makes me wonder if I bestowed too much benefit and not enough doubt.

Posted 5:41 PM by Gene

In a nutshell, Iran will stay enslaved because the mad mullahs have too much practice in totalitarianism.

Posted 5:04 PM by Gene

Another ROMY flash! A local CITY RAG (eeeeeeeeew!) runs a 4,711-WORD PRESS RELEASE proclaiming that MR. BOONDOCKS has a millionaire brother in the SPORTS NEWS BIZ. We're told he has ATTITUDE. So listen to this quote at the tag end:

"If Jordan's ability to instill heart in Scottie Pippen and keep the theatrics of Dennis Rodman to a minimum -- all while being grossly underpaid -- doesn't prove [his greatness], nothing will." [Emphasis added]

Or this one:

"The La Salle mess has already gone on for far too long. Let us all stop pretending we don't know why. Leaders lead by example. They stand up, accept responsibility....Those on [La Salle president Michael] McGinniss's level usually do so face-to-face instead of relying on websites and foolish support from uninformed students...."

Some flack says this is the BLACK MENCKEN OF SPORT. But sports typing is about disgorging tons of words while striking a pose, and proves all too well THE MASTER'S line, when he was asked whether "anyone of the modern age" could have written the faked poems of "Ossian": "Yes, Sir: many men, many women, and many children."

Posted 4:59 PM by Gene

And Michael Crichton's wrong because he's CON-SER-VA-TIVE.

I can think of lots of reasons for knocking a hack novelist, and usually his politics are last. But then I'M not TOENAIL.COM.

Would you hurry up and SELL this thing, Buggy Bill?

Posted 4:57 PM by Gene

It's Hip To Be Wrong

By that thinking you redefined HIP!

Posted 3:41 PM by Gene

Figures -- a NEWS HACK asked those tough questions of Rummy -- through DECOYS.

There are two ways of facing this: as more NEWS HACK chicanery, or as a bold move. We'll give this guy the benefit of the doubt and say the latter, despite the usual slant and spin the HACKS give Iraq news, for these soldiers were aching to ask tough questions, and Rummy's not the sort who likes his questions tough.

Posted 2:55 PM by Gene

Bush: No Payroll Tax Hike for Soc. Sec.

So he says.

Posted 9:39 AM by Gene

Matsushita Electric Industrial is changing all its' subsids' names to "Panasonic."

I suppose it's a good idea, although it underlines the notion that corporate chieftains believe their customers are basically stupid, but I still think Matsushita Electric Industrial has a majestic ring to it.

Posted 9:36 AM by Gene

Well, at least Rummy's not taking it too personally.

P. S. Hey guy, better look behind you! CHRIS DODD CAAAAAAAAAAAARES FOR OUR SOLDIERS!!!!! (PFFH-HH-HH!!!!!)

Posted 9:23 AM by Gene

Leaders of the gay rights movement are embroiled in a bitter and increasingly public debate over whether they should moderate their goals in the wake of bruising losses in November when 11 states approved constitutional amendments prohibiting same-sex marriages.

Duuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....

Posted 8:46 AM by Gene

Doctors 'look after their own'

Not too warm-and-fuzzy making when the doctor being looked after is the evil Harold Shipman.

Posted 8:37 AM by Gene

Dino DeLaurentiis is ALIVE?

Posted 8:27 AM by Gene

DNC 'BOSS' DEAN GIVES DEMS SCREAMING MEEMIES

You mean:

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!?

Posted 8:23 AM by Gene

Shucks, three tourist traps close in the ever-forward-looking land of Broadway.

Posted 8:10 AM by Gene

KING PRIG BRENT BOZELL IS ACTING LIKE THE TRAPPED WEASEL HE IS! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Yeah. MR. P. G. BABBITT (P. G. standing for PATRIOTIC GORE), who is perfectly capable of his own self-administered ROACH-MOTEL RESERVATION, is TRAPPED by a PROXY for THE CONSPIRACY, THE BROADCASTING CONSPIRACY, THE CABLE-TV CONSPIRACY -- very democratic.

Oh and congratulations on that new AirAmerica stint. I thought you were content with blogging? Must've gotten wind of the news.

Posted 6:51 AM by Gene

DEAR MR. PUBLIC EDI-TOOOOOOOOOOOOOR: I suggest running the same GLIBERAL column over and over. Since he's going to say the same THINGS over and over (Bush is EEEEEEEEEEEEVIL, Red Country's filled with HYPOCRITES, born-agains are PRUDES, etc., etc., etc.) it would save you a lot of money, since you wouldn't need to keep GLIBERAL on the payroll. It might also save you some of the LAUGHTER you folks seem to be encouraging in PINCH's ever-loving desire to be the PCest of the PC. How about it, EDI-TOOOOOOOOOOOOR?

Or, if you REALLY want to jolt him, have him write AN ARTS COLUMN AS HE'S SUPPOSED TO.

Posted 6:44 AM by Gene

Laptop computers may damage the ability of young men to father children, doctors warned yesterday.

Working with the devices balanced on the thighs raises the temperature of sperm by almost three degrees centigrade.

That is enough to trigger fertility problems which - with frequent exposure - could be permanent, experts warned.

Look on the bright side: they won't be able to father kids who spend all day playing computer games.

Posted 6:22 AM by Gene

Iraqi interim president: Insurgents will be gone in a year

I don't know that I'd make such a promise, as it may give the global yaya movement inspiration, and get the news hacks SMILING; nonetheless it is heartening that Iraq is committed to wiping out the holy cockroaches, though it mean a long extermination.

Posted 5:31 PM by Gene

PROFILE IN COURAGE:

Kucinich, 20 Members of Congress, Send Letter Of Support For UN Secretary-General Annan
Letter Sent Today To Secretary of State Colin Powell
WASHINGTON -- December 8 -- Twenty-one Member [SIC] of Congress, led by Congressman Dennis J. Kucinich (D-OH), sent a letter to Secretary of State Colin Powell today in support of United Nations Secretary-General Kofi Annan.

The letter states:

We are writing to express our support of United Nations Secretary-General Kofi Annan, who has recently been under attack by some American lawmakers for the U.N's Oil-for-Food program scandal occurring under his watch. Such an attack on the second-term Secretary-General and Nobel Peace laureate is disgraceful and premature. There has been no hint of impropriety on the part of the Secretary-General, who on numerous occasions has proven his honesty and integrity. Furthermore, we specifically reject all calls for his resignation.

In order to address the allegations of mismanagement of the Oil-for-Food Program, Secretary-General Annan appropriately appointed an independent panel led by Chairman Paul Volcker, former chairman of the U.S. Federal Reserve, to investigate the allegations. The panel is comprised of members independent to the U.N. and has unrestricted access to all relevant U.N. records and information, including interviews with all relevant U.N. officials and personnel, regardless of seniority.

Secretary-General Annan made his intentions for complete transparency unmistakably clear on April 15, 2004 when he said, "Transparency is the only way to deal with allegations [like those surrounding the Oil-for-Food Program], and by far the best way to prevent corruption from happening in the first place. That, I believe, will be one of the main lessons we have to learn from this affair, whatever the outcome of the inquiry."

We support the investigation called for by the Secretary-General and headed up by Chairman Volcker and encourage the Administration to support this independent investigation as well.

In the wake of heavy criticism against Secretary General Annan, we want to highlight the shared responsibility by the United States for the alleged fraud and abuse that occurred in the Oil-for-Food Program. The responsibility and enforcement capacity for checking unauthorized oil sales was provided to all UN Member States, of which the United States is one, and in the Gulf area, to the multinational Maritime Interception Force (MIF). The role of oversight for all contracts awarded under the Oil-for-Food Program belonged to the Security Council's 661 Committee, of which the U.S. had a representative for the entire duration of the Program. The UN's Office of Internal Oversight undertook regular program audits and the program's escrow account was audited every six months by external auditors.

It should also be noted that the majority of Saddam's stolen revenues came from illicit oil trade deals outside of the Oil-for-Food Program with Jordan, Syria and Turkey. According to the Duelfer Report, nearly 75 percent of Iraq's illicit income during the sanctions period was generated through oil sales to Iraqi's neighbors. According to Senator Carl Levin, senior democrat on the Permanent Subcommittee to investigate the Oil-for-Food scandal, Iraq's ongoing oil sales to its neighbors were no secret. The United States and the other nations in the United Nations knew of them and deliberately let the trade continue, presumably to maintain the support of Iraq's neighboring countries for the sanctions and to attain other foreign policy objectives.

In 1994, Congress barred U.S. foreign aid to any country violating the Iraqi sanctions unless the President issued a waiver, but both the Clinton and Bush administrations issued waivers year after year to allow Jordan and Turkey to keep getting U.S. foreign aid despite their sending billions to Saddam. The United States also failed to take any meaningful action to stop Syria's illegal trade with Iraq.

The condemnation of Secretary-General Annan and the call for his resignation are inappropriate. We urge the Administration to voice confidence for the Secretary General to help quell premature backlash and to support in good faith the independent investigation carried out by Chairman Volcker.

Joining Kucinich on the letter were Reps. Watson (D-CA), Lee (D-CA), Davis (D-IL), Hinchey (D-NY), Woolsey (D-CA), Solis (D-CA), Brown (D-OH), McDermott (D-WA), Clay (D-MO), Filner (D-CA), Stark (D-CA), Serrano (D-NY), Baldwin (D-WI), Farr (D-CA), Olver (D-MA), Sanders (I-VT), Miller (D-CA), Rodriguez (D-TX), Kleczka (D-WI), and Jackson-Lee (D-TX).

Pffh-hh-hh-hh-hh hh hh hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 4:56 PM by Gene

HD-DVD Must Die: Sony's Blu-ray is the better next-generation DVD.

TRANSLATION: Sony's Blu-Ray will probably die.

Posted 1:32 PM by Gene

The IMUS division of NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW!!!!!) has announced JOE BIDEN'S RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT!

Excuse me while I look for a speech to copy.

Posted 1:26 PM by Gene

SEN. MIGHTY MOUSE McPAIN YIELDS TO LOBBYING!

Wasn't Save-the-Day a member of the K-----g F--e?

Posted 11:05 AM by Gene

This is EXACTLY where Bollywood movies should play -- on CELL PHONES.

Posted 11:01 AM by Gene

HED OF THE DAY (despite the typo):

ABC New's [SIC] Vargas Girl Asks: Why So Few Women in Prime Time?

I know, I KNOW, it's a PUN, but isn't that what TV newsbroads are supposed to be?

Posted 10:41 AM by Gene

I have not closely followed Maryland's Gov. Ehrlich's contretemps with the TRIB Baltimore Edition, but judging from this shoulder shrugging any paper that can say his lieutenant governor "brings little to the team but the color of his skin" (snicker snicker) and whose columnist can interpret the facial expressions of his chief spokesman at a hearing he didn't attend definitely has ATTITUDE.

Posted 9:18 AM by Gene

And in more ROMY news, Dubya's favorite biographer Kitty has been CENSORED at Washingtonian!

STERNO -- er, never mind.

Posted 9:15 AM by Gene

Shucks, the man whose face inspired the NEWS HACK'S CREED is ending his column.

Now if only more of his fellow overpaid pundits could join him.

P. S.

But even during the drug-induced brilliance of 1970s Hollywood [i.e., "I READ PETER BISKIND! YAAAAAAY!!!!!"], Wasserman's taste at Universal was always conservative, middle-aged, and middlebrow: no Coppolas, no Altmans, no Scorseses.

A man who can type like this is CW to the CORE. Sure you really want to quit? You and SOB's paper go WELL together.

P. P. S. While that last statement is undoubtedly true, fact is he was forced out, and he likens himself to Mary McGrory. Is there a connection here?

P. P. P. S. Professor is sad to see him go because he was "fair." Maybe, but you have to wonder how fair a contributor to USAOKAY!!!!! and TWXSTER rag can be. I remember being annoyed enough with his write-by-numbers Lew Wasserman column to e-mail him. A man who can think CW about show-biz is going to think CW about anything.

Posted 8:37 AM by Gene

"ALAS," George "MY BUSINESS IS MY BUSINESS" Will concedes his business -- THE GAME is not PERFECT.

Alas, George will forget his low dudgeon when it comes time to sell the game again.

Posted 8:29 AM by Gene

EMPLOYES BE DAMNED!! WE NEED OUR ROWING MACHINES!!!!!

Posted 8:16 AM by Gene

Rumsfeld gets tough questions from troops

Rumble rumble rumble, mutiny mutiny mutiny.

Well, not yet.

Things like this will happen when a defense secretary loves himself.

Posted 6:46 AM by Gene

Oooooooooooooooh, more CENSORSHIP: the TWXSTERS (and of course RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!'S hacks make hash of the subsidiary's name -- it's NOT "Nine Line") are editing out nasty anti-religious references from a new CINEMATIC MASTERPIECE.

I think we MUST get STERNO on the job here. Maybe he can personally appeal to KING RICHARD.

Posted 6:23 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: They're plopping down another layer of management (call it the CZAR and his CZARETTES) that gets to say DO THIS! DO THAT! and won't do anything.

Meantime, at Langley, they'll still do their acrostics and tune in to THE BEEB.

Posted 6:39 PM by Gene

Latrell "Lateral" Sprewell pays for uttering a naughty word to a girl -- woman, I mean.

I was about to say more incidents like this and there'll be no endorsements, but we ALL know the DEPRAVITY of THE AMERICAN SOCIETY OF WILLFULLY IGNORANT ADVERTISERS.

Posted 6:25 PM by Gene

Incidentally, today THE PAPER OF RE-CORD bemoaned the dearth of straight plays (good or otherwise, mostly otherwise) trodding the Main Stem.

Why can't this disease spread to "MUSICALS"?

When will our cultural mavens get the message -- EITHER DO IT RIGHT OR DON'T DO IT AT ALL?

Posted 5:31 PM by Gene

What do AD-AGENCY EXECS and NEWS HACKS have in common?

You'll never guess.

Posted 5:21 PM by Gene

I don't know who "DJ Drummond" is, but I DO know he's a SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGER, and I also know that reading 1,012 words criticizing E. J. "Who? MOI?" Dionne, Andy S. and Nicholas "Advanced Stage" von Hoffman is, if not a total waste of time, certainly very close, as they all write self-parody, and self-parody is beneath contempt. But SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS must ALWAYS pile on the contempt, because THUS is the way to IMMORTAL STARDOM.

Posted 5:17 PM by Gene

More ONWARD and UPWARD with the AHTS: A JOHN LENNON MUSICAL!!!!!!!!!!

With UNKNOWN SONGS!!!!! Right.

BROUGHT TO YOU BY CHEAP CHANNEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 3:13 PM by Gene

The dump-Annan movement has predictably prompted a countermovement. Russia, China, Britain, France, Germany, 54 African nations, the European Union, and the editorial board of the New York Times have all have expressed their support for Annan. A key argument by his supporters is that it would be unfair for him to leave before the investigations into the Oil-for-Food scandal and Annan's role in it are complete. But which investigations exactly do they mean? The investigations that Annan is obstructing, or the one that he is influencing?

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD QUESTION!!!!!

Posted 1:12 PM by Gene

OoooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooh, someone LEAKED a "CLASSIFIED CABLE" (HARDY-HAR-HAR!!) from the CIA station chief in Baghdad saying THE WORLD MAY COME TO AN END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How often does HE listen to the Beeb?

Posted 10:51 AM by Gene

Jack, Jack, when it comes to words to describe a person's politics, all you need do is read THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY:

MODERATE: A liberal.

CENTRIST: Same as MODERATE, but usually applied to someone who's just right of PROGRESSIVE.

PROGRESSIVE: An off-the-chart liberal who doesn't sound so bad.

CONSERVATIVE: A Nazi. Can be interchangeably used with Roman Catholics, Iranian mullahs, or Tom DeLay.

NAZI: An Israeli, or George W. Bush.

And keep in mind, "liberals" don't exist.

Posted 9:12 AM by Gene

The Great Stone Face of Annoying TV Commercials is -- AFRAID TO LIVE IN MALIBU!!!!!

Shut up, Face. You make more money from one of your shoots giving people the willies than I will make in my entire life.

P. S. NO ONE HOLDS A GUN TO YOUR HEAD AND FORCES YOU TO SAY TRICKY DICK WAS ONE OF OUR GREATEST PRESIDENTS.

Posted 6:35 AM by Gene

Why should Christian believers have to knuckle under the demands of a PC state?

Now just use a little common sense and try not to proclaim America a "Christian" (wink wink) Nation. Okay?

Posted 6:27 AM by Gene

With luck, both sides will continue posturing on steroids, and THE GAME will still be compared unfavorably with pro wrestling.

Posted 6:25 AM by Gene

"A republic, if you can keep it."

Posted 8:19 PM by Gene

I wouldn't be surprised to learn that Target banned the Salvation Army to be super-PC and suck up to the media types to whom it must give too much sustenance, AND as a form of demographically-inspired social snobbery; on the other hand, what the Army does IS soliciting -- and why must it do it with those @#$%&* BELLS?

Where's Sister Sarah when you need her?

Posted 7:48 PM by Gene

Golden Era of U.S. Women's Soccer Ending

No more spontaneous displays of sports bras?

Posted 7:45 PM by Gene

Here's a deal, ZELIG SELIG: You accept government intervention in the steroids mess -- and in exchange, you forfeit your antitrust protection. HOW'S THAT?

There's one deal we can be SURE Sen. McPAIN won't have the GUTS to cut.

Posted 7:43 PM by Gene

Was it really two?

Who cares? Larry deserves the money.

Posted 6:12 PM by Gene

ANOTHER SHINING CORNER MOMENT:

A QUESTION FOR ONE OF OUR LANGUAGE MAVENS [Rich Lowry]

E-mail:

“I once asked this of Mr. Buckley without success.

Why do we say 'millions', 'thousands', 'hundreds', and even 'scores', but 'dozens' rather than 'tens'?

Any light shed on this subject would be most welcome.”

Posted at 03:53 PM

I won't touch that with a dozen-foot pole.

Posted 5:40 PM by Gene

Ohio Certifies Bush as the Winner by Nearly 119,000 Votes

SHUT UP, HHWWWALTER CRRRONKITE JR.

P. S.

Has it been an embarassing year for sports? [Home-page SIC]

YOUR SPELLING'S NO GOOD EITHER.

Posted 5:32 PM by Gene

Let's see, we're going to spend zillions on prescription drugs for geezers, and we're going to borrow zillions to finance these so-called "personal retirement accounts" for geezers....

WHAT IS DUBYA UP TO?

Posted 5:25 PM by Gene

Current law calls for broadcasters to return the airwaves once 85 percent of U.S. households receive digital signals, or the year 2006, whichever comes later. Only about 2 percent of U.S. households have digital equipment to receive the signals, according to the Consumer Electronics Association.

I think we really ought to RUSH into DIGITAL TV, GENERAL JR.

Posted 5:14 PM by Gene

The con-SER-va-tives at NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, who don't know their cultural rear ends from a hole in the ground (and you can also remove the word "cultural"), and who frequently crib -- this time from Bloomy -- think it's good news that thanks to cost-cutting geeks we'll get "more Spider-Man 2 and The Incredibles, less Gigli and Surviving Christmas."

Whoopee. More cartoon movies, fewer cartoon-like movies. ONward and UPward with the AHTS!!!!!

Posted 5:08 PM by Gene

SYNERGY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Is DANNO palming off fake memos that much worse than EDDO palming off a VIACON BOOK?

Ed Bradley's questions...were not just toothless but gumless.

Actually the whole 60 MINUTES STAFF has worn DENTURES for DECADES -- which they only put in when interviewing CONSERVATIVE REPUBLICANS.

Posted 1:27 PM by Gene

The man who boasted he won a WaPost.com junk popularity poll (with some ballot-box stuff...er, PLEAS FOR VOTES) is mad because DAILY KOS is rigging one of HIS.

little and DAILY KOS. Two more IDIOTS made for each other.

Posted 1:10 PM by Gene

MR. PATRIOTIC GORE and STERNO learned a motto you could only get at the latter's once place of worship, amidst the preying TWXSTERS, but which equally applies to the dens of iniquity on the Potomac: Lie down with dogs, get up with MILLIONS.

AND THE PUBLIC CAN NEVER STOP SCRATCHING.

Posted 11:55 AM by Gene

It has been my privilege to write this column for the Union-Tribune for 13 tumultuous years. These last few years have been unique, marked by an unjust impeachment, a tainted election and an unjust war. It was a good time to be a columnist.

But this is to be it here. A week ago, a column of mine, without discussion, was killed, and I gave my notice.

Sounds like YOU won't be missed.

Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I forgot. There's always THE PAPER OF RE-CORD. Good luck! (Pffh-hh-hh)

Posted 11:42 AM by Gene

And if, as THE ONE MAN CRUSADE AGAINST THE CULTURAL JIHADISTS is forever telling us, Nick Dorken is THE GREATEST BLOGGER OF THEM ALL, why has he last updated nineteen days ago?

Posted 11:29 AM by Gene

FIGURES he would write this way:

We just learned that some 40 percent of Americans are on some kind of constant medication - many designed to ease the ups and downs of mild depression, or heartburn, or obesity, and so on. We have drugs for hard-ons....

What the SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS forget is that people can STOP reading them just as fast as they start -- FASTER, because they don't have the heft of a media institution behind them, and even the most FAMOUS of bloggers is an electronic PEA-SHOOTER. So when Andy S. WAILS about gay marriage, and STERNO WAILS about prudes, and little WAILS about the people who DON'T LIKE HIM, they are tempting -- PLEADING to the surfers to GO AWAY. And GO AWAY THEY WILL, and the more they insist of being SINGLE-ISSUE TERRIBLE-TEMPERED MR. BANGS, the better the chance of it.

Posted 11:21 AM by Gene

This should be fun: BRENT'S STARTED A FIGHT WITH STERNO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BLOOD ON THE FLOOR!!!!!

Posted 10:54 AM by Gene

RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'S PROVIDING NEWS!!!!! FOR CHEAP CHANNEL'S TALK RADIO!!!!!!!!!!

Now instead of being bad, talk radio can be BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 6:44 AM by Gene

An interesting result in another study of press bias:

One surprise is that the Wall Street Journal's news pages have the most liberal rating of all, 85, about the same as the typical Democrat in Congress.

SURPRISE?!?!?

Posted 6:26 AM by Gene

Do heroin, help Osama.

Posted 6:22 AM by Gene

A Google News search of "Tillman" and "horror" yields 224 posts.

Yep, I think THE NEWS HACKS ARE SMILING AGAIN.

Caveat: it's three stories, but news hacks instinctively know how far three stories can go. THEY'RE SMILING AGAIN.

Posted 4:09 PM by Gene

Just as anyone can say "genius," anyone can say "overrated." Forgetting that some people who would now say "overrated" once said "genius," in a 24-365 media world value judgments count for nothing, and we're stuck with the detritus of decades of junk culture, unshakable and ineradicable.

Posted 4:02 PM by Gene

Hmm, maybe with Yasser whooping it up in Hell with thousands of "virgins" some of the parties finally realize they can't stay mad forever.

Posted 10:41 AM by Gene

Sorry to Volokh, but I'm beginning to wonder if the iPod crowd doesn't have the right idea after all. The solace of record collecting is the hard copy, with its cover art and disc art and liner notes; but increasingly the record companies are skimping on liner notes (for licensed reissues they'll often just print the original and frequently skimpy notes), and cover art is unimpressive in a jewel box, and though the CD is infinitely superior to the LP (whatever the audio geeks think) you're still stuck (as I am) with hundreds of CDs cluttering up your living space, and the need for racks to store them. PLUS many albums you listen to once, and never again, no matter how good they are; you just don't have the time to listen to them -- or the inclination. (I haven't even started buying DVDs yet. That's NEXT.)

And then there's the problem of buying music sound unseen, of relying on reputations, or the blurbs of news hacks, or your own base instincts. I just got through listening to an album of Scarlatti from the UK's Hyperion label, a very VERY good label, and after a relentless twelve-minute harpsichord solo I wanted to tear my hair out. I wish I could remember the writer who likened Baroque music to background music; it frequently says the same thing over and over again, and too often it's nothing. (There are a number of great works from the era, though, such as Purcell's opera Dido and Aeneas.) It's not just Baroque; I often purchase from the all-too-similarly named Collectables and Collectors' Choice Music labels, and with them it's the second-tier big bands of the forties, bands that specialized in a very-heavy-baritone-sax-laden "sweet" music, bands that played exactly the same music the same way in 1947 as in 1939 (i.e., Dick Jurgens, or the unaccountably popular Orrin Tucker). Yet you must buy these albums, because you must buy records, because your intellectual curiosity demands it.

iPod fans keep theirs in a tiny box. Yes, I think they may have the right idea.

(Two recent listens I can recommend without reservation: the magnificent soundtrack of The Magnificent Seven, and this double-bill with Judy Garland.)

Posted 10:21 AM by Gene

SHUCKS, I am SO DISAPPOINTED that the Republican lobbyist and would-be successor to the late JACK, BILLY "SLEAZEBALL" TAUZIN, could not preserve his HEREDITARY RIGHT to PASS HIS HOUSE SEAT ON TO HIS SON.

BYE BILLY! Watch the door on the way out.

Posted 9:10 AM by Gene

Hmmm, the riot in Auburn Hills a was a FAMILY affair!

They always seem to be, don't they.

Posted 9:08 AM by Gene

Police at Paris' top airport lost track of a passenger's bag in which plastic explosives were placed to train bomb-sniffing dogs, police said Saturday. Warned that the bag may have gotten on any of nearly 90 flights from Charles de Gaulle, authorities searched planes upon arrival in Los Angeles and New York.

INSPECTOR CLOUSEAU!!!!!

Posted 9:06 AM by Gene

Doody Dowd says she can't stand Christmas, which means others who can't must now labor under THAT burden.

Posted 8:41 AM by Gene

THE 231-AWARD-WINNING MR. MARK SPEAKS (no, he's not on the cover):

Sighhhhhhhhhhhh, well, I guess it is Christmas, and all these Bible-thumping holy rollers out there (not that they read our magazine -- not that they CAN read) have to be placated -- well, that's the solace, they came out to see Mel, and that's show-biz, and if it's show-biz it's good for the magazine...and one thing I know, whether it's a cover story or a teaser, we're gonna put show biz out front every damned week, and we'll win the awards by shafting the military or Dubya. Kill every last one of our brainless readers with TWO stones! And we can forever hoodwink the trade with all the plugs by performing a public service.

GOD I hate to be reminded of when I'm not king of the universe. Well, there's one solace: Jesus didn't edit a newsmagazine, hahaha.