Eugene David ...The One-Minute Pundit |
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED: I know more than you. I make lots more money than you. I'm smarter than you. I'm sexier than you. I appear on TV all the time. I work ten minutes a day. I rule the universe. I'm going to live forever. You are an idiot. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2: A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3: I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity. --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4: News isn't news when we don't report it. PERMALINKS: THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE! Blogroll Me! |
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Posted
5:32 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:58 PM
by Gene
Wait! Didn't the election end in November?
Posted
1:39 PM
by Gene
No. 1 · Shimstu
Posted
12:44 PM
by Gene
Well, if that's your happiness....It sure isn't mine. (If only someone could come up with a punctuation mark to symbolize the rolling of eyes.)
Posted
11:20 AM
by Gene
Betcha they don't give money to small biz that easily.
Posted
11:12 AM
by Gene
![]() WE NEED TO TARGET ISRAEL WITH THE KIND OF MOVEMENT THAT ENDED APARTHEID IN SOUTH AFRICA!!!!!!!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!! And what did YOUR paper say about NEVILLE CHAMBERLAIN?
Posted
11:08 AM
by Gene
Friday, January 09, 2009
Posted
6:55 PM
by Gene
![]() Another Modernaires tune has hit me on the head: "There! I've Said It Again." Most people know the timorous tenor Bobby Vinton's version, forgetting the so-called Million-Dollar Monotone Vaughn Monroe "introduced" it back in '45 -- though I learned just yesterday that Benny Carter first played it in '41, but wasn't a hit with it -- amazing with such a supremely gorgeous ballad, which was meant for the full-throated group treatment (Monroe sang it with a girl quartet); but then we must remember Glenn Miller was first with "I'll Never Smile Again," which he took with Ray Eberle at a quick and indifferent tempo never thinking his rival Tommy Dorsey and the Pied Pipers (and Frank Sinatra) would make it the kind of slow, dreamy ballad he specialized in. Listening to this masterpiece of pop music I know why I get exasperated at the press's mental dross that turns every last bit of fool's gold into solid platinum. American culture was once as big as the continent, and larger than life; listen to Copland's Billy the Kid and you hear a composer almost in awe of his nation. You could be proud of it, and of you. Though we can't view it through anything but the grotesquely distorting prism of its time, of the golden age of radio, and the golden age of film, and the golden age of song (and the golden age of war), The Swing Era could not have been made anywhere else; and its tunes were larger than life, not a few coming from the pens of patriotic immigrants like Harry Warren who brought opera to the music. Today it's all screamin' 'n' whackin'. That one-hit wonder whose picture I posted today will be long gone before she has a chance to make another, but that picture makes me grimace because if someone with any looks sang like Doris Day or Kitty Kallen or Peggy Lee or Jo Stafford, and she sang Styne and Cahn, or Burke and Van Heusen, unlikely though it is and despite the incorrigible notion of "retro" she'd not only be the champagne toast of America, she'd be every young man's fantasy, instead of another of the SOB SUMNER's girl-toys and another shrug of the shoulders. But what truly rankles is when the hacks get their hands on our current undying genius; [C]RAP (for one example) is less offensive than the idiots who turn it into high art and excuse its every prejudice, and thus twist the knife for its every sleazy manner of offense. And always the typists must close their pea minds to what we once were, and once did, conveniently assuming a defensive posture to speak of genius when even they know better. That's why I say against all reason if every last movie ad-blurbist and TV ad-blurbist and rock cri-TIC lost his job it would be America's victory, and why, disastrous though it would be, I long for the day MNI sells for ZERO.
Posted
3:47 PM
by Gene
(This too via Cheapie Marketwatch)
Posted
3:18 PM
by Gene
While Mr. Rubin has defended his performance since joining Citigroup in 1999, insisting that the bank's problems were due to wider turmoil in the financial system, not failures by Citigroup, he is "tired of it," a person familiar with the matter said. DITTO. (Via the Journals' poor relative Cheapie Marketwatch)
Posted
2:44 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:27 PM
by Gene
(Via Seeking Alpha)
Posted
1:18 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:02 PM
by Gene
Shut up, Jackson, and go back to slanting the news with your friends. P. S. Kaplan, Inc. still 60 percent from its all-time high.
Posted
12:25 PM
by Gene
How about on the -- front page? [Romy link]
Posted
12:15 PM
by Gene
![]() You know, if this dame sang "Sentimental Journey" or "It's Been a Long, Long Time" instead of that usual screaming pop pap we just might find her attractive.
Posted
11:55 AM
by Gene
The amount of bad news is staggering, even compared to the pitiful previous year, which also had its share of cat-fighting and pink slips. Among the print publications that sank in ‘08 are No Depression (which didn’t dip in circulation), Harp, and Resonance. In addition, the Tribune Company (which includes the L.A. Times and Chicago Tribune) and Creative Loafing were forced to declare bankruptcy, The New York Times had a number of staff buyouts (including noted music industry watcher Jeff Leeds), Entertainment Weekly and Rolling Stone instituted layoffs (Rolling Stone alone had three rounds of it), XXL fired its editor-in-chief, Maxim became vulnerable to creditors, and both Blender and Rolling Stone had to find new publishers. Even the online world wasn’t spared as the Paper Thin Walls collective shut down, the promising online Juke Service didn’t even get a chance to open, Gawker had to cut its pay for staff, and Yahoo instituted lay-offs as well. UK music magazines didn’t fare any better, with many of them dropping in circulation or barely holding on to their previous numbers. And all of that is still a drop in the bucket compared to the industry as a whole—in all, it’s estimated that over 21,000 jobs were lost in the publishing biz in 2008. Given the ADJECTIVES you clowns spew out and the inescapable publicity stunts you subject us to every damned day of the year -- as I said with the writedown in prof jobs, this is NOT bad news. For print scribes in the music world, the biggest headache came in the form of disappearing advance copies. Weeklies usually need at least two weeks lead time, and monthly publications need about two months or more, but Nine Inch Nails, the Raconteurs, Gnarls Barkley, and Beck sent many editors scrambling when they put out their new albums without any advance. TRANSLATION: You're also mad you're not getting as many PERKS. (Via the annoying ArtsJournal, which must link to such tripe)
Posted
11:53 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:49 AM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: The One should do this to make the Wall Street Casino feel better. Hasn't it felt good enough? Thursday, January 08, 2009
Posted
11:37 PM
by Gene
Posted
11:27 PM
by Gene
Here is another and annoyingly frequent example of the eyeball-rolling inanity the press foists on us in the name of excusing every noble cause: the the-superrichies-are-cutting-back-on-their-ostentation-because-they're-too-chicken-to-flout-their-superriches story. Your success stories from the luck dispensaries of Wall Street and Hollywood will be back to flaunting their bad taste when they can get away with it. And even if we could think their flaunting is good, the example of yesterday (such as Veronica Lake) says otherwise in a thousand words.
Posted
6:47 PM
by Gene
Pffh-hh-hh hh hh hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!
Posted
6:33 PM
by Gene
NUF SAID. (Via WeeklyStandard.com)
Posted
6:30 PM
by Gene
Just a suggestion.
Posted
6:27 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:07 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:57 PM
by Gene
![]() Yesterday: The Chrysler Building, 30 Rock, Lever House. Today: Ice cubes on a stick. Thankfully these are NOT going up, a rare instance of common sense defeating AHT.
Posted
5:53 PM
by Gene
When Congresspoops do the "I'm in Love with a Wonderful Guy" routine something's up.
Posted
5:48 PM
by Gene
Hey Slick! Care to help a friend in need?
Posted
11:02 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:45 AM
by Gene
Stories like this please us because Wall Street (like the bigmedia and politics) is essentially a luck dispensery, and these cretins were long overdue for bad. The only problem is they can wreak revenge on the harmless, which they're doing with exquisite ferocity.
Posted
9:21 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:16 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:48 AM
by Gene
Forte's business found a steady stream of customers because he told investors he was earning them consistent returns of between 8 percent and 14 percent, one investor said. How many other such geniuses still crawl in the financial woodworks?
Posted
8:28 AM
by Gene
Mr. Bew-KES, why can't you lay this guy off?
Posted
8:21 AM
by Gene
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
Posted
6:39 PM
by Gene
The nation's tax code is so complex that taxpayers spend nearly $200 billion a year on the work required to comply with requirements, the government's taxpayer advocate said in a report released Wednesday.... The tax code is likely to get even more complex in the coming weeks as Congress considers an economic stimulus package that is expected to include about $300 billion in tax cuts, including breaks for individuals and businesses. Some of that money could go back to the taxpayers and help the economy -- don'tcha think?
Posted
6:28 PM
by Gene
The Romers' research actually undercuts the Keynesian approach in a more fundamental way. They find that tax cuts to offset a recession are ineffective, but their reasoning would also apply to government spending increases to offset a recession. In other words, if she believes her own research, Christina Romer should be a strong critic of her new boss's policies. In other words, economies may resist dogmas, regardless of what Gekko "Grasso" Kudlow and the Angry Nobelist Paul Krugman think. Whose dogma will work best now?
Posted
3:06 PM
by Gene
Watch Out For Watchmen [Jonah Goldberg] My first post at Big Hollywood is up. It's pretty much for rightwing comic book geeks. 01/07 01:17 PM
Posted
1:59 PM
by Gene
Live by the pink sheets....
Posted
1:36 PM
by Gene
Why does Ub Iger continue to maintain the illusion He's in the broadcasting business?
Posted
11:41 AM
by Gene
Posted
11:28 AM
by Gene
And a Ponzi in a pear tree!
Posted
11:06 AM
by Gene
WASHINGTON (AP) -- President-elect Obama declines to take position on whether Burris should get Senate seat. Outspoken as usual.
Posted
10:55 AM
by Gene
Prices remain so low that oil is being stored at sea to avoid selling it at current market prices.
Posted
9:46 AM
by Gene
And tons of antioxidants! (Via The Daily Beast, where somebody's giving this a deserved thumbs-down)
Posted
9:28 AM
by Gene
THANNNNNNNNNNK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU, DUBYA!
Posted
9:26 AM
by Gene
(Via SeekingAlpha)
Posted
9:10 AM
by Gene
(Via IWantMedia)
Posted
9:07 AM
by Gene
Oh, shut up loonies. One'll do you enough favors.
Posted
8:57 AM
by Gene
(Via MediaBistro) P. S. at 9:16 a. m. PEOPLE WARNER CABLE is writing off $15 BILLION in cable franchise rights (i.e., GOODWILL). How much of nothing do cable subscribers pay for every month? P. P. S. at 9:23 a. m. TWXSTERS WRITING OFF $25 BILLION! $40 BILLION IN ZERO FROM THE UNIVERSE'S GREATEST MEDIA COMPANIES!
Posted
8:38 AM
by Gene
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
Posted
11:45 PM
by Gene
A TWXSTER Commerce boss, a TWXSTER surgeon general, a TWXSTER press secretary for Veep Kinnock -- is The One intending to bail out PEOPLE WARNER?
Posted
6:36 PM
by Gene
NO MORE BUSHES IN THE WHITE HOUSE!
Posted
6:19 PM
by Gene
And fool me three times and everyone will call you "AMERICA'S MOST INFLUENTIAL BLOGGER!!!!!" and you can run anything you please. And fool me four times and you're worth $200 million. (First and second links via IWantMedia)
Posted
6:08 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:05 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:03 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:56 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:50 PM
by Gene
(Via CuteLittlePinkPaper.com)
Posted
5:44 PM
by Gene
Which leads us, somehow, to our MNI IRRATIONAL EXUBERANCE WATCH. It finally closed up 30 cents at $1.80. We will make this a daily feature until all those investors (or short-sellers, or whatever) come back to their senses, which may not be soon.
Posted
3:45 PM
by Gene
We could ask whether the stimulus package is one great big earmark, but that would be like asking if a Hamas hospital is a hospital.
Posted
3:43 PM
by Gene
Only $73 to go to an all-time high!
Posted
9:01 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:40 AM
by Gene
If the news biz spent half as much time improving its product as it spends tantruming without a cause, Sam Zell would still be a colonel.
Posted
5:52 AM
by Gene
Not bloody likely. Monday, January 05, 2009
Posted
6:35 PM
by Gene
Given the source we shall merely say, NO COMMENT.
Posted
5:54 PM
by Gene
"THE REASON FOR DEATH IS THE ISRAELI ARMY!!!!!!!!!!" Arini said, as medics rushed in with more wounded people. [On-the-side-of-the-angels overemphasis added] If we had to guess ASSPress and its partners in JERNALISM have been running nothing but "humanitarian" stories lately. P. S. McClatchy Company (NYSE: MNI) 45% HIGHER; [DAMMIT!] continuing higher today but not hearing any news that would justify today's rally on strong volume. Shares of McClatchy rose more than 36% on Friday. [DOUBLE-DAMMIT!] With about 22.5% of its float shorted during December, today's move could be the result of short sellers covering their downside bets. PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!! Consolation: GCI's still under ten, and that new ad platform didn't budge PAPEROFRECORDCO.
Posted
5:43 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:34 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:28 PM
by Gene
RNC hopefuls predict Obama backlash Be careful what you wish for -- it might backlash YOU. Speaking of -- chairs, there have been hundreds of thousands of posts in con-SER-va-tive sites about his, meaning some people really need to get a JOB.
Posted
5:25 PM
by Gene
He never had much use for politics - he says he registered as a Republican for his initial run against Democratic Rep. Roy P. Dyson in 1988 only because it was cheaper than filing as an independent candidate.... Happily, These are peaceful days for Gilchrest, who spoke of feeling liberated after losing a bitterly fought primary last year to conservative state Sen. Andy Harris. It pleases Gilchrest that tomorrow, Frank M. Kratovil Jr., the Queen Anne's County Democrat whom he crossed party lines to endorse in the general election, will be sworn in as his successor. Happy fishin' -- WAYNE! When time's up this honorable man will be another lobbyist.
Posted
5:09 PM
by Gene
Zeitgeist did some reporting?
Posted
5:06 PM
by Gene
We figure at least one of the THREE HEADS on that DOG must be smiling.
Posted
5:06 PM
by Gene
DreamWorks, SoBe, Intel, NBC Plan 3-D Super Bowl Ad
Posted
5:04 PM
by Gene
No -- only the ASSPress can do that. Here's betting Al does win eventually, and here's praying he lives down to his reputation.
Posted
4:58 PM
by Gene
Posted
3:44 PM
by Gene
Posted
3:37 PM
by Gene
After giving us her personal holiday recipes, Gwyneth Paltrow shares her post-holiday diet secret in her latest GOOP newsletter. Gwyneth admits, “I need to lose a few pounds of holiday excess. Anyone else? I like to do fasts and detoxes a couple of times during the year, the most hardcore one being the Master Cleanse I did last spring. It was not what you would characterize as pretty. Or easy.” Working with her doctor, a detox diet specialist, Gwyneth has created a seven-day elimantion diet that helps detox the body. “As I do not wish to subsist on lemon water in the middle of winter, I asked my doctor, a detox diet specialist, for the guidelines he uses to achieve a good detox that is not as hallucinogenic (in a bad way) as the Master Cleanse,” says Gwyneth. “What it came down to was this: you can detox easily and effectively while you continue to eat as long as you are cutting out the foods and other substances that interfere with the detoxification process.” While cutting out dairy, grains with gluten, meat, shellfish, anything processed (including all soy products), fatty nuts, nightshades (potatoes, tomatoes, peppers and eggplant), condiments, sugar and obviously no alcohol, caffeine or soda, Gwyneth’s diet consist of salads, fruit smoothies, chicken, soups and lots of water. Click here to read the full scoop on Goop.com. One word: GROSS!
Posted
3:32 PM
by Gene
NO MORE RELIGIOUS FLYING-SAUCER SEX-TALK SHOWS!
Posted
3:28 PM
by Gene
Posted
3:27 PM
by Gene
Pardon us while we mourn. Sunday, January 04, 2009
Posted
4:28 PM
by Gene
Providing government support can muddy that mission, said Paul Janensch, a journalism professor at Quinnipiac University in Connecticut, and a former reporter and editor. "You can't expect a watchdog to bite the hand that feeds it," he said. Never mind watchdogs -- WE'RE HUNGRY!
Posted
4:26 PM
by Gene
Posted
4:20 PM
by Gene
At what point does Littler throw up his hands and pull a Tyco -- a government-aided Tyco?
Posted
2:47 PM
by Gene
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Too bad it's bogus– half the pages on the site are either not counted on the clock or open in new tabs, escaping the timer.
sigh