THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
Blogroll Me!
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Posted
4:32 PM
by Gene
We may guess at why; not that many people want to march off a cliff with Ramsey Clark. But we may guess at another reason: the lesson of Vietnam has sunk in. Not the lesson that NEWS HACKS would want us to learn, of an immoral war blahblahblah, but of the following catastrophe of Southeast Asia. Whether or not the war was wise, for us to pull out now portends another catastrophe, one with more than reeducation camps.
But if the next war has a lesson, it will be two-fold; not to believe the hacks who yearn for our failure, and also to look with suspicious eyes at the Professors and Victor Davis Hansons who always proclaim "Mission Accomplished." We cannot countenance the notion of perpetual disaster, but the notion that we have succeeded beyond our wildest dreams sounds like a man talking himself into optimism. And when it comes to war, optimism can be as deadly a sin as pessimism.
Posted
9:55 AM
by Gene
(Via MediaBistro)
Posted
9:27 AM
by Gene
The ghost of JAYSON yet stalks the prestigious corridors.
(Via USAOKAY!!!!!, which is pretty good at making mistakes itself)
Posted
9:23 AM
by Gene
She's worse than HELEN THOMAS!
Posted
9:16 AM
by Gene
Maybe it's people eating healthier. Or maybe people don't want to pay caviar prices for cotton candy. Or maybe it's the background noise the popcorn restaurants insist on playing while they're eating. That would take care of any appetite.
Posted
9:27 PM
by Gene
The current regime of testing is aimed at raising the test scores of students who are performing poorly. It is an entirely skills-based approach, geared toward using the threat of federal sanctions to raise a low common denominator. It leaves out subjects like history, civics, literature, the arts, foreign languages — and advanced courses in every subject. As a result, many states have adopted a dumbed-down definition of proficiency.
Under the old regime of the College Board, the nation's schools had standards that were uniform, predictable, and elevating; they were written and revised by those who were in the nation's classrooms. Today the states and the federal government have taken over the responsibility for setting the nation's standards. So far the results are unimpressive. It is by no means clear that public officials, given political and bureaucratic constraints, can accomplish what the College Board once did — or that they even know what ought to be done.
Where are Butler and Eliot now that we need them again?
(Via Arts & Letters Daily, which is also run by the CRONIKUL OF HYER EHDYUKAYSHUN)
Posted
9:26 PM
by Gene
HOLLYWOOD [Andrew Stuttaford]
"Sadly," Warren, why "sadly"? If lefties in Hollywood (even the insert-nasty-adjective-of-choice Michael Moore) have found a successful marketing model, good for them. That's capitalism. Besides, folks on the right shouldn't knock Hollywood for having a product that nobody wants to watch (the usual refrain these days) at the same time as knocking it for, well, having a product that people (but the "wrong" sort of people) want to watch. As for your idea for more 'heartland' films, absolutely. I'm sure there's a big, neglected market for them, and the more voices out there, the better. I just hope that they aren't you know, too wholesome...
Posted at 05:40 PM
Will you clowns SHUT UP?
Posted
9:23 PM
by Gene
And not just for betting wrong.
Posted
9:01 PM
by Gene
MR. GUCCIONE: The music itself is a very lackluster and genetically weak culture. Music is built by generation upon generation. The '70s built on the '60s, the '80s came out of those together and you kept building. That cycle gets quicker and quicker. Things like video culture meant that a different set of valuations held currency, such as your looks. Rock 'n' roll was the people's music; now it can only be the beautiful people's music.
Bob Guccione Jr. admits in so many words that pop "music" stinks.
Posted
5:53 PM
by Gene
IF YOU are worried about how much you owe on your credit cards, this might put things in perspective: America’s national debt limit was increased yesterday to $9 trillion. That’s $9,000,000,000,000 — enough to buy Buckingham Palace 9,000 times.
And FURTHERMORE:
$9 TRILLION...
Is roughly four times Britain’s GDP
Equates to $1,500 for every man, woman and child in the world
Would buy all the tea in China. In fact it would buy all the tea in the world for the next 2,000 years.
Is enough to solve the Palestinian crisis by rehousing every Israeli and Palestinian family in a £1.5m detached house in Henley-on-Thames
Would build 28 Eiffel Towers — constructed out of gold.
Dubya -- DO IT!
Posted
5:43 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:42 PM
by Gene
Hear! Hear! Let's make movies for ADULTS again.
Posted
5:37 PM
by Gene
Don't worry E. J., it was only a dud.
BOOM!!!!!
Posted
5:32 PM
by Gene
The Post will not reveal circulation and ad revenue figures to Media Life, but data available elsewhere paints an alarming picture. Ad revenue is up just slightly over the past five years, to $783.5 million last year from $770.6 million in 2000, according to TNS Media Intelligence.
But circulation has tumbled, falling by 137,695 for the weekday paper in the past decade, from 816,474 for the year ended Sept. 30, 1995 to 678,779 for the six-month period ended Oct. 2, 2005. That's a decline of 17 percent. That's according to numbers from the Audit Bureau of Circulations, the latter of which has not been audited yet and is based on publisher statements.
If the Post must struggle to hold onto readers, other papers must be in real trouble, or so it would seem.
Analyst John Morton says what the Post is experiencing is in some ways typical, the result of online publications taking a bigger bite out of print newspapers. He does not see that changing.
“Generally speaking, their circulation will continue to decline,” Morton said yesterday. “I don’t know that there’s any solution.”
We know this: the solution is NOT: 1. Running more show-biz plugs, 2. Devoting the whole of front pages to marshmallow stories, 3. Making the paper look more colorful than the Nawlans Mardi Gras, and 4. TELLING THE TRUTH.
Posted
5:24 PM
by Gene
What shall we do now to stop radical neo-Naz...oh, never mind.
Posted
5:17 PM
by Gene
Court Lets Tenn. Issue Anti-Abortion Plates
Isn't there anything we can DO? Maybe we can get KOS to lead a coup, or something. PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!
Posted
5:03 PM
by Gene
I thought such reporting was illegal.
Oh, we'll find a way. It's those CHRISTIAN liars, or something.
Posted
11:36 AM
by Gene
It really might be time for conservatives to sit out elections. Better to do it this fall, so the Dems get the blame for the next two years and we can come back in 2008, than to work for a bunch of big-government cretins to maintain a bare GOP majority this time, only to have the good guys go down in flames at all levels of government in 2008.
What makes me conclude that it's not even worth the effort for conservatives this year? The latest in a long, long, LONG, LONG string of spineless, unprincipled votes by a congressional GOP utterly unwilling to act like conservatives. Already the Senate GOP had decided to ignored President Bush's call for further savings (from projected increases) in entitlements. Yesterday, they went further, voting to bust the proposed discretionary budget caps by an astonishing $16 billion. And that's $16 billion not spread over five years, but in just the one fiscal year beginning October 1.
These people are hopeless fools. (Actually, the words that come to mind are stronger than that, the sorts of words that in comic strips get represented by symbols like this: %&*%%$*$# .
Let'em lose in November. They deserve it.
And then we can replace them with JACK NICKLAUSES!!!!!
Posted
10:46 AM
by Gene
Sean Higgins: Frank Kelly Rich gets drunk for a living. 03/17 8:12 a.m.
A good idea when scanning NRO -- and ESPECIALLY the CORNER.
Posted
10:29 AM
by Gene
Detroit public radio chief charged with embezzlement
And this is the guy who got sued for changing his station's format from classical to news! Some broadcaster.
Posted
8:52 AM
by Gene
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW!, your favorite TV shows are SAFE.
Posted
8:45 AM
by Gene
This is the moral equivalent of a glibertarian saying greed is bad.
Posted
8:41 AM
by Gene
We know this MO -- the two words will sweep the country like a movie publicity campaign, but in the end, we would not be surprised if there is no trial, and no war crimes; in the meantime, the HACKS get to masturbate again.
Posted
8:05 AM
by Gene
How many RICHIE RICHES are going to live in all these CONDOS?
Posted
5:01 PM
by Gene
Posted
4:59 PM
by Gene
Posted
4:54 PM
by Gene
Please remember...he is human first...reporter last. My heart and prayers go out to anyone involved or has been affected by the needless war.
Posted by: Tonya Mar 16, 2006 3:52:00 PM
Followed by...
Why must there be debate over this?
Can we never put aside political agendas and just be thankful that the man is recovering from his injuries?
Posted by: Bob Mar 16, 2006 3:44:28 PM
The last time to talk politics is when a man faces a long recovery from war wounds.
Posted
2:56 PM
by Gene
The original guest list featured Frank Sinatra, Andy Warhol and various Rockefellers, Whitneys and Vanderbilts. Tuesday's 700 partygoers included Dylan Lauren, Nina Griscom, Tinsley Mortimer and a smattering of television starlets wearing masks, sipping Champagne and trying to untangle high heels from all the dresses with trains.
AND Lake Bell and Aisha Tyler! GIANTS!
Posted
12:22 PM
by Gene
This is the sort of affirmative action we can support. Now when will HAHVAHD MUTUAL FUND do it?
Posted
11:21 AM
by Gene
(Via AmSpec, which STILL WANTS JACK NICKLAUS IN THE SENATE!!!!!)
Posted
11:18 AM
by Gene
Jon Klein, you have our total support.
Posted
11:14 AM
by Gene
With his money and connections he could make the whole world unaffordable.
Posted
11:10 AM
by Gene
This man wants to make a three-part epic in Punic!
Judging from this picture I'd say he has trouble enough with English.
Whatever became of SKY MASTERSON?
Posted
11:07 AM
by Gene
Lewis applauded the country's sense of humor, saying he believed it "took France through all those difficult years, and will take it through difficult times now because the French are not afraid to laugh."
The problem is, the types who rioted recently have a strange sense of humor.
(Sorry for the NewsMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Posted
8:24 AM
by Gene
The rhetorical battle has been joined, but the two sides just can't seem to agree on what they're fighting over. In fact, they keep talking past each other.
Isn't that the point of the Beltway, for people to talk past each other -- while haranguing us?
Posted
8:18 AM
by Gene
Soon there'll be NOWHERE without a traffic jam -- or with peace and quiet!
Except the Corn Belt.
Posted
8:16 AM
by Gene
The thing is when news hacks start talking about WALLS we know what they really mean: they want to bash more conservatives and Republicans. But you don't have to see that using a newspaper or TV "news" show as an advertising venue SMELLS.
(Via ROMY, who is extremely annoyed)
Posted
6:36 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:29 AM
by Gene
Pfffffffffffffffffffft!
Capitol Records, one of the few record companies to be based on the West Coast, has included on its roster Frank Sinatra, the Beatles, the Beastie Boys and Radiohead.
We can be sure from this list the hack had to throw in Blue out of guilt feelings, and we're sure her tastes tend more to Radiohead. News hacks are such philistines.
Posted
4:54 PM
by Gene
Can't he bloviate by himself?
Posted
4:52 PM
by Gene
A. They both run STORIES.
Posted
3:39 PM
by Gene
Of course it depends on the CLATCH's definition of "excess."
A Pennsylvania state senator from Philadelphia, Vince Fumo, has confirmed that he is seriously considering making his own bid.
Do I smell a) an indictment or b) state ownership? That really WOULD make the INKY STINKY!
Posted
1:52 PM
by Gene
Thanks, Joe. I didn't know that.
(Via the usual ROMY, who can "often fail to detect nuance and irony" himself.)
Posted
1:08 PM
by Gene
(Via the artless Corner)
Posted
12:07 PM
by Gene
It may not help either that ten thousand publicists are always turning her into a trend, or when Jerry "SIEG HEIL!" Yang and Terry "MR. WARNER BROS." Semel torture us with a promotional campaign.
Posted
10:36 AM
by Gene
Quin, Wlady, et al:
Jack Nicklaus has had at least two spasms of very serious money/business troubles, near bankruptcy. So personal and business history might reveal some skeletons, and Nicklaus himself would probably recoil from the idea of self-financing.
Don't forget he lives in two states, Florida and Ohio. In which does he vote?
Posted By: Lawrence Henry
Hey EM! This is ALMOST as good an idea as putting RONNIE on MT. RUSHMORE! I say GO for it!
Posted
10:30 AM
by Gene
Meaning either his hundreds of advisers leaked it, or his hundreds of advisers leaked it to make it sound better.
Posted
10:27 AM
by Gene
To judge by the slobbering devotion displayed by most daily newspapers these days, you'd think that The Sopranos was more or less the only program left on television.
You would think that, wouldn't you.
Posted
10:15 AM
by Gene
Add Lemony Snicket to the list of things to avoid on Friday the 13th, says Snicket’s publisher, HarperCollins. It’s the publisher’s Snicket-esque way of promoting the release date of A Series of Unfortunate Events 13: The End, the final book in Lemony Snicket’s bestselling series on Friday, Oct. 13.
TRANSLATION: THE TENTPOLE DIDN'T WORK.
Posted
10:12 AM
by Gene
Thanks again, Lord, for your FORMAT WARS.
Posted
10:09 AM
by Gene
Ford, 63, was quoted as saying that he needed "to do a little practicing with the whip" to avoid injuries.
Whip? How about practicing to avoid broken bones?
Posted
10:04 AM
by Gene
Amazing what kinds of things can happen when you want a better JOB.
(Via MediaBistro)
Posted
9:45 AM
by Gene
"Got Milk?" helped sell dairy products. Now Hollywood is considering a branding campaign of its own. Would "Movies: Just like DVDs, but Larger," be out of the question?
Dan Glickman, who now runs the Motion Picture Assn. of America said that when he was U.S. Agriculture Secretary the agency's businesses benefited from such promotional campaigns as "Got Milk?," "Pork: The Other White Meat" and "Beef: It's What's for Dinner."
Okay SAMMY, think of the least appetizing food you can -- how about BRUSSELS SPROUTS -- and SELL IT!
And we LIKE Brussels sprouts.
"There are some movies that I said, 'Even if you could see it for free, you wouldn't,' " said Peter Brown, the chairman of AMC Entertainment, which operates more than 5,600 screens.
I got an idea, Pete: sell tickets for POPCORN -- and you get to SEE A MOVIE AT NO EXTRA COST!
(Via ArtsJournal.com)
Posted
8:49 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:47 AM
by Gene
Don't tell DUBYA!
Only about one out of every 4,000 alumni of top 10 MBA programs were among the highest-paid executives in 2004 -- the equivalent, in a class of 250 students, of one lucky soul striking it rich every 16 years.
So much for learning buzzwords.
Posted
5:19 PM
by Gene
Director Rob Reiner's reviews have never been worse.
Wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwell! Could it be that we we've spent so much of our life in the warm glow of good luck and praise, first as a member of an historic acting dynasty (well, he was a comedian), and then to hear our name mentioned as the rightful successor to Ernst Lubitsch and Preston Sturges, maybe even Billy Wilder? And now that we've done something -- MEATHEADED, what better to do than to blame it on standing up for the right to make money from GUVMENT -- for the sake of a noble cause. It was better when his crusade for BETTUR PUHBLIK EHDYUKAYSHUN was an eccentricity, the sort of well-meaning do-gooding we associate with Hollywood politicking at its least malignant; but as anyone in show-biz knows, you can never have too much power -- or money.
In the immortal words of Archie Bunker, MEATHEAD, go stifle yourself.
Posted
5:11 PM
by Gene
We don't mean to be disrepectful to the late Miss Stapleton, as we have no doubt she was very good -- she had to be doing Tennessee Williams -- but when the heds run "Academy-Award winning actress dies" we're missing something.
Posted
5:08 PM
by Gene
Watch for attendance to still decline, even after quarreling loudmouths.
(Via ditto)
Posted
5:04 PM
by Gene
This is why the high-mucky-muck news hacks who think disguising their truth-telling groupthink with show-biz PR may find they'll probably get laid off after all.
(Via the usual ArtsJournal.com)
Posted
3:29 PM
by Gene
Nevertheless there is a good policy argument against what Ohio has done. Special tax breaks come at the expense of general tax relief, with no guarantee they will be more productive in generating growth. That's a policy dispute for each state to conduct, though, bad or imperfect tax policies don't violate the constitutional order. Personally I would prefer to see states compete in lowering individual and corporate taxes, and property taxes, rather than try to micro-manage business decisions with targeted tax cuts. But that's just me.
You and a few others.
Posted
12:42 PM
by Gene
PERISH THE THOUGHT!!!!!
The democratizing effects of blogging continue!
(Via IWantMedia.com)
Posted
12:35 PM
by Gene
A. The liberal spends. The compassionate conservative spends.
Any other stupid questions?
Posted
9:05 AM
by Gene
So -- the government had 20 years to fix this. Doesn't this absolve Dubya -- a little?
Posted
8:55 AM
by Gene
If David Gregory seems like a bit of a showman in the White House pressroom, it's worth noting that, as the son of a Broadway producer, he grew up meeting the likes of Richard Burton, Rex Harrison and Henry Fonda.
Let's see: the first was a roaring drunk, the second a tyrannical megalomaniac, and the third gave us Hanoi Jane. We can see how it rubbed off. Howie Hairshirt is DENSE.
And then there's this classic balancing act:
Gregory is emerging as the Sam Donaldson of the Bush years, the outspoken, aggressive, smart-aleck correspondent serving as a symbol for conservatives who detest the press and liberals who want reporters to crusade against the White House.
Just what he needs, Howie Hairshirt: an ego boost. Howie, have you considered retiring? THAT would save your employers a LOT of money -- and your readers the cost of TUMS.
(Via the inevitable ROMY)
Posted
8:51 AM
by Gene
Indeed we can think of a lot of things that we'd ditch before the stock tables.
Posted
6:50 AM
by Gene
E! Networks, which is comprised of the E! celebrity channel and the Style fashion channel, is valued at around $3 billion, the person said Monday, declining to be identified because the deal has not been finalized.
If CONcast wants to raise rates it should value it at $10 billion, or $20 billion, or however much it needs to ultimately put itself out of business.
Posted
6:48 AM
by Gene
This is not a warts-and-all biography; Mr. Deffaa is too affectionate toward his subject for that (though there are hints of Cohan's many infidelities — apparently he might have shared the title "Sex Machine" with James Brown as well).
This scribbler's name is Hunka. A Hunka what we'd rather not know.
Posted
9:38 PM
by Gene
This IS cute, for once -- even if it IS G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE.
Posted
9:32 PM
by Gene
If this isn't a telling demonstration of the CLATCH's strategy. But limiting yourself to RED COUNTRY may not limit the scorn.
Posted
9:19 PM
by Gene
THE CONTEST has begun.
Let's see how THE SAME BLITHERING SCRIBBLING FRAUDS WHO TURNED THEIR BACKS ON THE HOLOCAUST respond to this one.
Posted
7:57 PM
by Gene
THE CORNER is in CRISIS. The damfool show is the GREATEST of ALL TIME. We defended the CARTOONS. Can it mock -- RELIGION?
The answer is probably yes, so long as JONAH, K-LO and PODMAN are there. (No word yet from THOSE damfools.)
Posted
3:09 PM
by Gene
But the MLB [sic] is unlikely to want to be seen to be making too much of Mr. Bonds’ achievements, and what could have been a celebration of a march to history will likely end up being a slow crawl through negative public perception and an internal ethical challenge for the MLB [sic] and television partners Fox and ESPN.
ETHICS?!?!?
Posted
8:49 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:47 AM
by Gene
Estimated admissions for the year-to-date are down nearly 6% from last year.
The nice thing with The Hollywood Stenographer is it makes this the last sentence in the story, presumably so as not to upset all the moguls responsible for the decline in the first place.
Posted
8:38 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:43 AM
by Gene
P. S. The CLATCH is selling off twelve papers. TRANSLATION: The new GanNETt!
P. P. S.
Scant Bidding for Knight Ridder Tells Story of Decline
P. P. P. S. The CLATCH hits a 52-week low!
Posted
1:55 PM
by Gene
Now listen to Mozart's brief choral piece "Ave Verum Corpus." The opening statement is warm, major-key and almost innocent. With the words "cujus latus" the music continues its major-ness; then, after one measure, it descends suddenly into an unstable harmony (a diminished seventh chord, if you are interested). We are headed toward minor-ness and a darker mood.
This is powerful listening in itself, but then, in the very next stroke, Mozart alters a single note (C sharp to C natural) and by some miracle our ears find themselves driven, not inevitably downward into D minor, but upward into the reconciling key of F. Just as we put up our umbrellas, the sun comes out. We don't know whether to be happy or sad, and so we are both. These few measures are something Cimarosa would not have thought of in a thousand years.
Yes, there is a difference between "excellence" and genius.
(Via a post in the FREEP -- somewhat astonishing, as the members' favorite music is "AH'M PRAYOUD T'BE a CAYYYYYN -- AMERICAYYYYYN!!!!!"
Posted
1:40 PM
by Gene
PAUL DRECK! BETTER START WORRYING AGAIN!!
Posted
9:15 AM
by Gene
