Eugene David ...The One-Minute Pundit |
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED: I know more than you. I make lots more money than you. I'm smarter than you. I'm sexier than you. I appear on TV all the time. I work ten minutes a day. I rule the universe. I'm going to live forever. You are an idiot. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2: A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3: I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity. --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4: News isn't news when we don't report it. PERMALINKS: THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE! Blogroll Me! |
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Posted
5:06 PM
by Gene
Posted
4:37 PM
by Gene
Next, the letter I -- the movee biz' middle name.
Posted
2:12 PM
by Gene
Looks like a toss-up. Fox is owned by News Corp., owner of The Wall Street Journal. [Second sentence, second graf] Boasting as usual, SLIME? (Via Seeking Alpha)
Posted
1:19 PM
by Gene
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
1:12 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:00 PM
by Gene
Posted
12:27 PM
by Gene
Posted
12:20 PM
by Gene
MODERATE!!!!! Republicans Test Party Unity [Moderate overemphasis added] Besides fiscal policy--which is as anti-Obama as it gets--Bass' pitch to voters is different from what most Republican challengers are offering this year. On abortion, he's pro-choice. On Speaker Nancy Pelosi, her lieutenants, and their environmental and energy policies: he's prepared to sit at the table and hammer out solutions.... [Third graf] Besides [SIC] being pro-choice, many of these Northeastern Republicans are pro gay marriage and want to unwind the military's "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy. Many support federal funding for stem cell research, want to see global warming taken more seriously, and oppose privatizing social security. [Tenth graf] TRANSLATION: They're liberals, or at best GLIBERTARIANS, which is essentially the same thing. There's nothing wrong in calling such people liberals. If Mr. How-WELL's hacks had hedded this "Liberal Republicans Test Party Unity" we'd have had no objection. But that code word MODERATE is a sign of a news hack trying to pull one on his audience, and that is why so many news hacks will think their biz was brought down by the DO-NOT-CALL LAW until the last paper is printed. Friday, October 15, 2010
Posted
7:09 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:10 PM
by Gene
Not to worry -- we'll still outsource jobs to you...if we have any jobs left.
Posted
5:56 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:23 PM
by Gene
H is next (a shame ST. JACK OF VALENTI didn't create an H rating, to stand for the four-letter place where movees come from), but before we go: ![]() Zachary Quinto. ![]() George Gershwin. ![]() SPOCK.
Posted
5:21 PM
by Gene
The Republicans say, thank you!
Posted
1:19 PM
by Gene
The dialogue is awash in platitudes proffered as profundities, statements promptly and needlessly repeated identically or nearly, awkward or portentous pauses, and lines that are mere superfluous monosyllables or even less: “Mmm,” now and then with something added, occurs 35 times. Jo-NAH! He cant DO this to a genius -- because he's CON-SER-VA-TIVE!!!!!
Posted
11:26 AM
by Gene
Now all BCU has to do is increase its enrollment to 800,000 and Philly will have NO MORE GHETTO!
Posted
8:46 AM
by Gene
When do WE get some, BEN?
Posted
8:35 AM
by Gene
You keep it up, NUKEMAN, and that's not the only Israeli gift you'll be getting.
Posted
8:24 AM
by Gene
And yes, there are more important things to think about right now.
Posted
8:16 AM
by Gene
(Via the usual AHTSJournal) Thursday, October 14, 2010
Posted
8:49 PM
by Gene
Which should make the owner of The Ugliest Building in the World the perfect model for CONSERVATIVES.
Posted
8:42 PM
by Gene
If the mistake had been anything other than "Whitey" in a city with a history of racial politics, the costly correction might not have been necessary, officials said. Well, we could think of a few other non-racial examples but no further comment.
Posted
8:26 PM
by Gene
BUT (and with such a big butt there must be a big BUT): Credit lines and loans to small companies were slashed during the Great Recession. Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke recently estimated that $40 billion worth of loans to small businesses disappeared. Bank of America played its part in the decline. Like many banks, it makes loans through the Small Business Administration's government-banked lending programs. Those loans represent a very small portion of overall small business lending, but they are an easily tracked indicator of a bank's lending activity -- and Bank of America has pulled back sharply. In 2008, Bank of America made 3,296 loans totaling $102.3 million through the SBA's flagship 7(a) loan program. Many went bad: Ken Lewis, then the company's CEO, infamously called the bank's small business loan portfolio a "damn disaster." In 2009, at the height of the credit crisis, the financial giant made just 308 SBA loans, totaling $17.6 million. Its lending barely picked up in 2010. In the SBA fiscal year that ended Sept. 30, Bank of America made 185 7(a) loans, totaling $22.8 million. ![]()
Posted
7:20 PM
by Gene
Kathleen Edward, who has Huntington's disease — a fatal brain disorder — had been taunted by neighbors in Trenton, both verbally and on Facebook. Fortunately in the first graf she "received the royal treatment this morning: a limo ride and toy shopping spree. The Web has made hate faster -- and thankfully when hate comes faster, love comes faster still.
Posted
6:56 PM
by Gene
Nice going, JPOD -- a fine way to repay your BOSS.
Posted
6:28 PM
by Gene
![]() Before ST. JACK OF VALENTI, before RUPERT and SUMNER, there was the Colosseum. One can see the latter producing the gruesome spectacles there and the former justifying the slaughter of Christians in the Senate. Today a bit more of it is open to the public -- but not the whole thing, given its precarious state brought on by centuries of neglect and weather. Despite its hideous past the Colosseum is precisely what Poe had in mind, but we should never forget that Roman glory came at an incalculable price, paid for with the collapse of a corrupt and bankrupt empire.
Posted
5:53 PM
by Gene
The industry's SCARLET LETTER next... ![]()
Posted
5:48 PM
by Gene
Here's betting tomorrow the BIG C's filled with HENRY HONESTS!!!!! talking 1,000 or higher. If that happens we can be sure something unpleasant is down the road at the Wall Street Casino -- and the Casino can't think unpleasant thoughts without wreaking revenge on US. P. S. at 7:37 p. m. AND LUNACY ON TUESDAY!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
2:34 PM
by Gene
Among Mueller's investors were former Janus Fund manager Blaine Rollins, who worked for Mueller Capital Management as director of research. Rollins' attorney has said he had no knowledge of the alleged Ponzi scheme. Another investor was R. Scot Sellers, chief executive of Centennial-based Archstone, a real estate investment trust. Sellers earned $19.6 million in 2006, Forbes reported. James Burke and Stephen Creamer, executives with Denver-based High Sierra Energy LP, invested with Mueller, according to Dow Jones Newswires. Other investors were car-dealership owners and executives from the automotive- sales industry, including Todd Maul of Broomfield, a former AutoNation executive; and Edward Calus of Cherry Hills Village, who sold Elway a Nissan dealership in 1997. Any wonder the stock market's daydreaming? Any wonder the foreclosure business is such a mess? (Via Yahoo! Sports)
Posted
2:03 PM
by Gene
DOW 500 GIGASUPERHYPERHEXAMEGAZILLION QUINTILLION!
Posted
1:47 PM
by Gene
Speaking of for profit, some Republican has proposed what sounds like a Caveat Emptor for For-Profit-College-Students Act! Expect more such shenanigans from BANEHEAD and MITCH. Hey guys, better not sit too comfortably on your majorities -- we don't like you EITHER.
Posted
1:45 PM
by Gene
Posted
11:08 AM
by Gene
Count on THE WALL STREET JOURNALS CONSERVATIVE EDITION to turn this into A POLITICAL STORY. (Via the usual dolts at NRO)
Posted
10:28 AM
by Gene
P. S. McDonald's moved into the Oak Brook facility from an office within the Chicago Loop in 1971.[9] AMERICA'S MOST PC QUASI-GOVERNMENTAL BIG BUSINESS!
Posted
9:44 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:34 AM
by Gene
If this doesn't redefine the word insight! Well, that's okay -- when BANEHEAD takes over he'll just lease the House to all his party's friends in big business and among the megarich, just like Realtor Denny, and we'll find new villains, and maybe a new party.
Posted
9:29 AM
by Gene
We've had two years to fix this mess and no one's fixed it yet? Increasingly, when we think of the Wall Street Casino, we think mirage.
Posted
8:46 AM
by Gene
DOW 100 GIGAHEXAMEGAKAZILLION QUADRILLION!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
8:42 AM
by Gene
But to be sure, the bad would have been impossible without National Lampoon whatever the title of a book. (Via WeeklyStandard.com)
Posted
8:13 AM
by Gene
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Posted
9:01 PM
by Gene
Posted
8:23 PM
by Gene
Tomorrow -- the Fs, and there are more of THOSE.
Posted
8:22 PM
by Gene
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Posted
5:41 PM
by Gene
TWENTY-TWO LETTERS TO GO!
Posted
5:35 PM
by Gene
Another stirring argument, JEFF, for putting Your WHOLE RAG behind a WALL.
Posted
5:23 PM
by Gene
Oh, but we forget -- he applied his meaningless twaddle to AMAZON.COM. P. S. Any story with 7,774 WORDS will inspire a coma before it inspires outrage, however credible.
Posted
3:20 PM
by Gene
Posted
3:12 PM
by Gene
DELL INC. CHIEF EXECUTIVE MICHAEL DELL MAY BID TO BUY THE COMPUTER MAKER HE FOUNDED!!!!!, the head of hedge-fund firm Maverick Capital Management said Tuesday. DELL COULD ALSO PAY A LARGE, SPECIAL DIVIDEND!!!!!, Lee Ainslie remarked during a speech at the Value Investing Congress in New York. [Value-investing overemphasis added] Look guy, isn't DOW 11,000 a daydream enough for you Casino dealers? (Via Seeking Alpha)
Posted
3:10 PM
by Gene
Posted
12:24 PM
by Gene
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!
Posted
11:23 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:45 AM
by Gene
"[T]he public safety benefits of having free and local radio's lifeline service in mobile devices is undeniable...." As they know in MINOT, NORTH DAKOTA. (Via the usual AHTSJournal) Monday, October 11, 2010
Posted
11:45 PM
by Gene
Posted
11:13 PM
by Gene
Posted
10:48 PM
by Gene
Posted
8:57 PM
by Gene
Only twenty-three letters to go! ![]() Long ago and far away....
Posted
5:44 PM
by Gene
Posted
2:12 PM
by Gene
It can always eat the public alive.
Posted
12:18 PM
by Gene
Friends, sisters and pals.... Will you two SHUT UP already?!?
Posted
10:16 AM
by Gene
Given this is the same neutered nation that released Cancer Man under BP's disinterested guidance that might be a bit much to expect.
Posted
10:03 AM
by Gene
It's not their money. Sunday, October 10, 2010
Posted
7:15 PM
by Gene
Twenty-four more letters to go.
Posted
7:02 PM
by Gene
![]() A $10 million underground air shaft -- er, chapel! ![]() A mosque in DUBAI!!!!! that resembles -- we won't say. STARCHITECTS say organized religion in all its guises has never been more dense.
Posted
6:40 PM
by Gene
1. The CRAINIACS document an active case of cognitive dissonance. On the one hand (if one can believe a mere poll) "tween" girls increasingly can't stand -- M---Y C---S. (That we believe.) On the other hand they're wearing more mascara. Well, at least their hearts are in the right place -- unless SUMNER and RUPERT get something else of theirs in the wrong place. 2. Media-Savvy Gen Y Finds Smart and Funny Is 'New Rock 'n' Roll' P. S. We know what happened to rock 'n' roll. 3. ![]() ENOUGH ABOUT THE CHAN-GING ROOOOOLES OF MEN. This has happened before. Remember George Washington showed more of his legs than the women. 4. Last Thursday, three days after Gap unveiled the logo, Ad Age asked Ipsos Observer to take the pulse of consumers on the issue. The independent research company polled consumers overnight Thursday, garnering just over 1,000 responses by 10 a.m. Friday. All told, just 17% of consumers were even aware Gap had changed its logo -- some 80% said they had no idea the logo had changed (the remaining 3% said they didn't know what Gap was). Why does one begin to suspect Gap engineered a reaction to its logo along with the logo? We've seen worse -- the PC doofus INDRA is the expert at that. 5. 'Urban' Trope Misses a Large Swath of Black Consumers Middle-Class Images Abound, but Advertisers Are Ignoring Single Moms, Gays and Lower-Income African-Americans at Their Peril This is a joke. Hasn't big business gone out of its way to ignore "lower-income African-Americans" on purpose?
Posted
6:39 PM
by Gene
Pfffffffffffffffffffffft!
|