THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
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Saturday, March 20, 2010
This is astonishing: some Russians don't like Belly Kisser...and are willing to say so?
Perhaps there's hope even for that nation yet.
Perhaps there's hope even for that nation yet.
If only David Gergle Jr. weren't such a dweeb because he's on to something. First came the solid left hook of "rights" without end, then the stiff right cross of greed without end, and now America's down for the count. In the end Gergle grasps at straws; he proposes we replace our present dysfunction with "community", hard to perceive when the Web makes us more self-centered and alone than ever.
Friday, March 19, 2010
GEN. LEAK TWO-FACE is at is again:
Former U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell said new sanctions on Iran to persuade it to stop enriching uranium won’t work because the Islamic republic is “determined to have a nuclear program.”
“I don’t see a set of sanctions coming along that would be so detrimental to the Iranians that they are going to stop that program,” Powell said in an interview with Bloomberg special contributor Judy Woodruff. “So ultimately, the solution has to be a negotiated one.”
Like the last five years of negotiations!
Former U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell said new sanctions on Iran to persuade it to stop enriching uranium won’t work because the Islamic republic is “determined to have a nuclear program.”
“I don’t see a set of sanctions coming along that would be so detrimental to the Iranians that they are going to stop that program,” Powell said in an interview with Bloomberg special contributor Judy Woodruff. “So ultimately, the solution has to be a negotiated one.”
Like the last five years of negotiations!
Thursday, March 18, 2010
TRANSLATION: Al Franken's taken the humor out of "humorist" and is now just an ist.
(Via MICHAEL!!!!!!!!!!)
(Via MICHAEL!!!!!!!!!!)
We scream too much. Whatever happened to stoicism? There are times when you can't help getting angry but some people seem to be angry all the time -- and they seem to be proud of it. They have (in the stupid parlance of our time) "issues."
So do the people who must make obscene phone calls to the likes of Bart Stupak and his family. They definitely have -- "issues."
(First link via Vulture; second link via WeeklyStandard.com)
So do the people who must make obscene phone calls to the likes of Bart Stupak and his family. They definitely have -- "issues."
(First link via Vulture; second link via WeeklyStandard.com)
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
TRANSLATION: Reading public opinion polls GE BANCORP, an INTERNATIONAL bank, is trying to prove it's not entirely "DEMOCRAT".
Wait Slightly Bigger Very Little Jeffy -- aren't you selling Your Most Important Media Product to BRIAN ROBBER?
Under chief executive Ralph J. Cortiner, a pioneer in decentralization, GE had 139 plants in 38 states....
How many is it now? Six in three states?
Wait Slightly Bigger Very Little Jeffy -- aren't you selling Your Most Important Media Product to BRIAN ROBBER?
Under chief executive Ralph J. Cortiner, a pioneer in decentralization, GE had 139 plants in 38 states....
How many is it now? Six in three states?
Hey BRIAN ROBBER! We have an idea! Raise your rates so you can make MORE MONEY-LOSING ROTTEN MOVEES!
...his debacle-filled tenure....
Attorney General and Chief Social Engineer Effete Q. Snob? THAT MENSA man?
Attorney General and Chief Social Engineer Effete Q. Snob? THAT MENSA man?
In a happily down year The American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers nonetheless does its patriotic duty:
Kantar also measured "branded entertainment," determining that product brands appeared by name or logo on screen for 10 minutes and 12 seconds per hour during primetime broadcast network programming in 2009. That's up from 9 minutes and 8 seconds per hour in 2008.
Kantar, though, does not distinguish between product placement that is paid for and brands that appear in shows for free.
When commercials are added into the mix, brand names and logos appear on screen on broadcast networks during primetime for 24 minutes and 16 seconds each hour.
So THAT's why TV viewing is up!
Incidentally, it says here SLIME and the moron MR. BEWKES are among the top-10 advertisers, meaning they're selling a lot of their extrusions.
Kantar also measured "branded entertainment," determining that product brands appeared by name or logo on screen for 10 minutes and 12 seconds per hour during primetime broadcast network programming in 2009. That's up from 9 minutes and 8 seconds per hour in 2008.
Kantar, though, does not distinguish between product placement that is paid for and brands that appear in shows for free.
When commercials are added into the mix, brand names and logos appear on screen on broadcast networks during primetime for 24 minutes and 16 seconds each hour.
So THAT's why TV viewing is up!
Incidentally, it says here SLIME and the moron MR. BEWKES are among the top-10 advertisers, meaning they're selling a lot of their extrusions.
FORBESLIST.com home-pages a story saying we're having a "credit contraction"!
What happened to DOW 13,000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?
What happened to DOW 13,000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Speaking of con-SER-va-tives I learned to my great annoyance today that the Verizon subsidiary that provides my internet service is ending it next month for no reason. The best way of knowing why con-SER-va-tives are full of it on the economy is to track down an ISP, or a cable company.
Meantime while the idiot hacks concentrate on their upcoming profit center with a fervor not seen since the death of that cow impersonator they can ignore stories like this astonishing theft of tens of millions in prescription drugs from Eli Lilly. We won't begin to guess at a motive but obviously some drugs are overpriced enough to make it extremely profitable.
Hey YOUR OMNIPOTENCE! Wanna make a speech in CONNECTICUT?
(Via USAOKAY.com)
Hey YOUR OMNIPOTENCE! Wanna make a speech in CONNECTICUT?
(Via USAOKAY.com)
Today I mailed out my Census form. Some con-SER-va-tives have decided to protest the RACE question by identifying themselves as "American". This is a stupid gesture. Only clerks will see it and they'll roll their eyes. I don't like our government making race such a sticking point but it already knows too much (and not enough) about us; what's an irrelevant factoid like this?
One could make a case for privatizing the Census; but if a con-SER-va-tive wished to make an ASS of himself he'd propose Nielsen -- which should do as good a job guessing the population as it does guessing TV audiences from samples of thousands.
One could make a case for privatizing the Census; but if a con-SER-va-tive wished to make an ASS of himself he'd propose Nielsen -- which should do as good a job guessing the population as it does guessing TV audiences from samples of thousands.
Fed Renews Pledge To Keep Rates Low for a Long Time
TRANSLATION: 1. This depr -- RECOVERY's going to last a while. 2. We get to finance DOW 13,000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TRANSLATION: 1. This depr -- RECOVERY's going to last a while. 2. We get to finance DOW 13,000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PVT. ZELL says "the market is not overbought"!
Contrarian indicator?
“Willie Sutton said it all when he was asked why he robs banks,” Zell said. “That’s where the money is. We’re in distressed debt because that’s where the value is.”
Hey PVT.! Why flatter yourself quoting Willie Sutton?
(Via Seeking Alpha)
Contrarian indicator?
“Willie Sutton said it all when he was asked why he robs banks,” Zell said. “That’s where the money is. We’re in distressed debt because that’s where the value is.”
Hey PVT.! Why flatter yourself quoting Willie Sutton?
(Via Seeking Alpha)
And speaking of DOW 130,000:
GE May Resume Increases to Dividend in 2011, Finance Chief Says
After reducing it from 31 cents to 10! WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GE May Resume Increases to Dividend in 2011, Finance Chief Says
After reducing it from 31 cents to 10! WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Meantime a paper that's loudly putting up A WALL proclaims C-Span's putting all its video on the Web for free, which hints at a disconnect somewhere.
"When you're named after the creator [of the networks] ... to the consumer, that's alphabet soup, it doesn't mean anything," he said.
With this bold insult to MOUTH FROM THE SOUTH some TWXSTER functionary has pretty well summed up the needlessness of most television -- and the worthlessness of "BRANDING".
With this bold insult to MOUTH FROM THE SOUTH some TWXSTER functionary has pretty well summed up the needlessness of most television -- and the worthlessness of "BRANDING".
We are starting to wonder if G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE has a China strategy, but plainly it would not have landed in its mess if had not so naively proclaimed its superiority to the rest of its peers when in truth it shared their same leaky boat.
It is too easy to opine on something like this awful chain of suicides at Cornell. A con-SER-va-tive could chuckle about how it's happening at a SUPERLIBERAL SCHOOL, but it's a bit more than that. Combine the lack of community at most ehdyukayshun faktorees with the lack of in loco parentis and the destruction of what was good about our old values, and the essential emptiness of much of hyer lurning, and you will have such dreadful occurrences.
WE CONTINUE TO EXPECT THE DOW JONES INDUSTRIAL AVERAGE TO FINISH THE YEAR AT 13,000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Wall-of-worry-scaled overemphasis added]
And then what, SUPERGEKKOS?
I repeat what I've said before: When do the GEKKO KUDLOWS sell us on trickle-down again -- or are they reluctant because it would help His Omnipotence?
And then what, SUPERGEKKOS?
I repeat what I've said before: When do the GEKKO KUDLOWS sell us on trickle-down again -- or are they reluctant because it would help His Omnipotence?
Sunday, March 14, 2010
I have just come up with a fantastical prediction: Their itchy brains sorely tempted to top the odoriferous outrage of last year, who will the left-...RIGHT-thinking Swedes (or is that Norwegians) splat with their "Peace" Prize?
How about YAHWEH SPIELBERG!!!!!
And if that doesn't work there's always THE OTHER LORD GOD STEVE -- although He might take that as an insult.
How about YAHWEH SPIELBERG!!!!!
And if that doesn't work there's always THE OTHER LORD GOD STEVE -- although He might take that as an insult.
While the discord between Apple and Google is in part philosophical and involves enormous financial stakes, the battle also has deeply personal overtones and echoes the ego-fueled fisticuffs that have long characterized technology industry feuds. (Think Intel vs. A.M.D., Microsoft vs. everybody, and so on.)
And let us say again -- may BOTH sides lose!
(Via Seeking Alpha)
And let us say again -- may BOTH sides lose!
(Via Seeking Alpha)
KKR and Warner Music eye break-up bid for EMI: report
TRANSLATION: JUNIOR is still vainly trying to recoup the zillions he stupidly lost.
(Report.)
TRANSLATION: JUNIOR is still vainly trying to recoup the zillions he stupidly lost.
(Report.)
I will not repeat THE MASTER's line about patriotism -- I've used it too often -- but it seems apt now: Why do media types, who'd do everything they could to avoid serving in war, act so patriotically when confronted by a TV series on the network they love? We may ask if the arthouse flick no one saw also benefitted. Who has the guts to knock the true patriots fighting wars when we already have a bad-enough rep?
And as we know, the only true patriotism to media types is SYNERGY.
And as we know, the only true patriotism to media types is SYNERGY.
To anyone out there paying attention: I have not forgotten my blog; I have no incentive to post. A little stomach problem has tortured my peace of mind, but even three years ago with an abscessed tooth I noted the futility of typing, and I've tired of being among the discarded shells in the peanut gallery. Most likely I will type on, but not with the obsession of before.