THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
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Saturday, September 02, 2006
The more news hacks issue tortured mea culpas about how everyone hates them, the more we realize they egg on the likes of THE NO-SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN ZONE and HHHWALTER CRRRONKITE JR. because they think their petulant tantrums are PROFIT CENTERS.
Uh, Benny, you saying China might have a depression that could stop all our clocks?
And how did "hard landing" become a code word for recession or depression?
And how did "hard landing" become a code word for recession or depression?
New York's Finest were kept busy by the MTV Video Music Awards on Thursday, busting actor-rapper Mos Def outside Radio City Music Hall during the show.
Another [C]RAPPER makes a BRILLIANT career move!
Another [C]RAPPER makes a BRILLIANT career move!
Great Minds Think Alike: Even as the PAPER OF RE-CORD bemoans the few good movie roles for women, the WaPost carts out its P-Ulitzer winning ad-blurbist to bemoan the lack of good action roles for men. How often must we hear these screams and wails for the past from the same scribblers who insist we're living in a MEGAPLATINUM AGE OF ENTERTAINMENT?
DOWN WITH AD-BLURBISTS!
DOWN WITH AD-BLURBISTS!
Friday, September 01, 2006
Wehell, I guess we...hit another jackpot!
Cindy Manzettie, chief credit officer for Fifth Third Bank in Cincinnati, said it's not the "lender's responsibility to help the consumer determine the appropriate payment option each month.... Paternalistic regulations that underestimate the intelligence of the American public do not work."
Cindy! Meet Dow 36,000 and Larry Kudlow!
Cindy Manzettie, chief credit officer for Fifth Third Bank in Cincinnati, said it's not the "lender's responsibility to help the consumer determine the appropriate payment option each month.... Paternalistic regulations that underestimate the intelligence of the American public do not work."
Cindy! Meet Dow 36,000 and Larry Kudlow!
Call it SHAFERISM: No sooner does one rag breathlessly intone of a crisis that another must poopoo it, so that we end up believing neither. Okay, maybe America's campuses aren't raging firetraps, but since most college fires seem connected to alcohol, and since alcohol is responsible for so much good in the academic Plato's Retreats -- needless deaths, date rapes, DUI, vandalism -- why get worked up over somebody getting worked up?
P. S. I predict someday Michelle will write for some thoroughly CW rag and do a crisis story of her own.
P. S. I predict someday Michelle will write for some thoroughly CW rag and do a crisis story of her own.
We don't know which is more tiresome: hearing about Jessica Simpson's voice or hearing self-serving pundits debate the PLAME CASE again.
Kofi Annan, the UN Secretary-General, said today that he had won a pledge from Syria to respect an international arms embargo against the militant group Hezbollah.
Pffh hh hh hh hh hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!
Pffh hh hh hh hh hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!
This Dow 36,000 article on the "value" of professional college athletes looks at it from the usual lunkheaded glibertarian greed-is-good angle, but its point is undeniable: football factories use their top athletes as indentured servants. Why not knock off the pretensions they're learning anything and have them play for pay?
BRENT'S ON THE WARPATH OVER NAUGHTY WORDS!
Really Brent has such a legalistic mind: a word like "ass" sets his hair on fire, but a half-hour of patriotic loppings and gashings and gorings and he says, "Everyone MUST see this picture." MORON.
P. S. We can imagine what the equal and opposite dimwit B. S. DEFENDER will think, which is just as bad in its own way.
Really Brent has such a legalistic mind: a word like "ass" sets his hair on fire, but a half-hour of patriotic loppings and gashings and gorings and he says, "Everyone MUST see this picture." MORON.
P. S. We can imagine what the equal and opposite dimwit B. S. DEFENDER will think, which is just as bad in its own way.
A senator who had singled out an Indian man at a campaign event and referred to him as "Macaca" declined a leadership award from a minority scholarship fund Thursday after donors protested his selection.
LENNYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!! WEBB FOR SENATE!!!!! A01!!!!!!!!!!
LENNYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!! WEBB FOR SENATE!!!!! A01!!!!!!!!!!
Which came first: the chicken or the actress? The PAPER OF RE-CORD is issuing a long think piece about why women can't get SERIOUS ROLES in FILLUM. There are two answers: 1. There aren't enough serious movies; and 2. There aren't enough good actresses with faces you want to look at.
We would like to think A Chorus Line is the seventies' version of The Black Crook. Oh yes, we recall the orgasmic acclaim, how the likes of slowly dying Richard Rodgers, who hadn't written a hit tune in thirteen years and never would again, called it the greatest show in HISTORY, or whatever he said; but after forty years people finally stopped wanting girls in tights and started wanting -- music, just as nothing will stop the similarly trendy mechanical contraptions of Lord Lloud Wubbish and Lord Schlockintosh from gracing the scrap metal yard. Further Mike admits A Chorus Line's success came from a shock value that isn't shocking anymore (boy has our culture advanced!), and, let us face it, from its unique expression of DOOM, GLOOM AND ENNUI that fit in perfectly with an age of Watergate and Gerry and losing Vietnam (HOORAY!!!!!) and a country wallowing in a nervous breakdown. That was also, let us further face it, THE DISCO AGE. We must also note that, despite years of loving preparation, the film version BOMBED at the box office, so maybe trendiness doesn't sit all that well outside the Coasts. We understand why the media flacks would go gaga over this masterpiece, wanting to relive those thrilling days BEFORE JANET, but we do hope its reception gets a good dose of Ecclesiastes, though we fear otherwise -- and with people finally realizing Marv Hamlisch couldn't write a good tune without help from Scott Joplin or Jerry Herman.
Hey Mike! Someone tell your intern about HTML!
Hey Mike! Someone tell your intern about HTML!
Sumner appears to be gimmicking up His nightly news so He can get viewers who He assumes would watch it at 3 a.m. We said the newspapers would resort to gimmicks, and while they haven't gone full bore yet beyond free tabloids, we also said it wouldn't stop the audience from fleeing. How many outside the denture-adhesive crowd watch the network news? And anyone with a computer can glean far more news in 22 minutes, and Lucy van Pelt's perky face and slimmed-down figure can't change that.
Thursday, August 31, 2006
AH-nult makes HISSSSSSSSSSSS-TORRRRRRRRRRRRRRY!!!!!
"The fact is that if we do not do something to stop carbon emissions in this world, we are going to see a diminution of the quality of life and, eventually, all life," declared Senate President Pro Tem Don Perata, D-Oakland, at a celebratory press conference.
What cares the party of ABORTION about life?
Schwarzenegger had insisted on creating an escape clause that would allow for a delay in the deadlines in case of a natural or economic disaster. He got that.
I guess that makes him a moderate-to-liberal Democrat.
"The fact is that if we do not do something to stop carbon emissions in this world, we are going to see a diminution of the quality of life and, eventually, all life," declared Senate President Pro Tem Don Perata, D-Oakland, at a celebratory press conference.
What cares the party of ABORTION about life?
Schwarzenegger had insisted on creating an escape clause that would allow for a delay in the deadlines in case of a natural or economic disaster. He got that.
I guess that makes him a moderate-to-liberal Democrat.
Greed is BAD...unless you serve on the board of PAPER OF RE-CORD COMPANY, in which case it's -- mitigated.
(Via the indescribable Romy)
(Via the indescribable Romy)
Dubya must have had his first or second talk with his EHDYUKAYSHUN SEHKRUHTEHREE, because she likened her Every Child a Dilbert Act to Ivory Soap.
Any ideas whether it's useful in washing out MAHDAM SEHKRUTEHREE's mouth?
Any ideas whether it's useful in washing out MAHDAM SEHKRUTEHREE's mouth?
Woodstein gets ready to throw a tantrum:
Bernstein takes the brunt of the criticism in the uncorrected galleys for the 288-page book. Shepard calls one chapter, "Bernstein Unchaperoned," and quotes from the divorce records of his breakup with Nora Ephron, as well as a 14-page letter he wrote to her about the depiction of the husband in her semi-autobiographical "Heartburn" movie. [Excuse me, there may have been a book before that. What does GREG know? --ED] But she also explores Woodward's three marriages, his failures in the infamous Janet Cooke episode at the Post, and the problematic nature of his reliance on anonymous sources.
Yes sir, we can call them -- LEGENDARY!
(Via the usual Romy)
Bernstein takes the brunt of the criticism in the uncorrected galleys for the 288-page book. Shepard calls one chapter, "Bernstein Unchaperoned," and quotes from the divorce records of his breakup with Nora Ephron, as well as a 14-page letter he wrote to her about the depiction of the husband in her semi-autobiographical "Heartburn" movie. [Excuse me, there may have been a book before that. What does GREG know? --ED] But she also explores Woodward's three marriages, his failures in the infamous Janet Cooke episode at the Post, and the problematic nature of his reliance on anonymous sources.
Yes sir, we can call them -- LEGENDARY!
(Via the usual Romy)
The alliance between Google and Apple may make the prospect of outdueling Microsoft’s empire better than ever. [Home-page blurb]
Just one problem: the zillions of computers with Bill's Bugs.
Just one problem: the zillions of computers with Bill's Bugs.
YOOHOO!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAANYBODY OUT THERE?!?!?
Soldiers found mass graves believed to hold the remains of up to 300 people allegedly killed by communist guerrillas in the 1980s during a purge of suspected spies in the Philippines' remote east, officials said Thursday.
Another 300 who were sacrificed to the god that failed.
Another 300 who were sacrificed to the god that failed.
"YOU ARE FREE TO SAY WHAT YOU LIKE ABOUT US, IN THE SAME WAY WE ARE FREE TO SAY WHAT WE LIKE ABOUT YOU!!!!!!!!!!" [Overemphasis added]
LET THEM EAT FOREIGN NEWS!
(Via [oh well] The Corner)
LET THEM EAT FOREIGN NEWS!
(Via [oh well] The Corner)
U.N. must act urgently on Darfur
As urgently as it's acted on Iran?
Let us know when you get to Darfur!
As urgently as it's acted on Iran?
Let us know when you get to Darfur!
The hacks are making much that Bob Schieffer intends to spend his twilight years as a country-music powerhouse. We could suggest a few songs that would be good templates for a retiring news anchorpoop, but we'll leave it to others to suggest them.
(Via the no-doubt-tone-deaf Romy)
(Via the no-doubt-tone-deaf Romy)
Hey! I think I smell a new scam to separate taxpayers from their money: $20 MILLION NON-PROFIT-HOSPITAL CEOS!
LEGENDARY! LEGENDARY WELCH! They need you in the hospital executive suite! STAT!
LEGENDARY! LEGENDARY WELCH! They need you in the hospital executive suite! STAT!
Dick said he would like to see the current ratings system replaced by one that gives more detailed information about what a film contains so that parents -- and parents alone -- can determine what their children see.
Here we thought this guy had something to say, and he proves just another Hollywood ass. Isn't that what JACK'S PROFOUNDLY HELPFUL ALPHABET SOUP does? And what if somebody doesn't like the rating then?
These idiots should stick to excreting toxic waste.
And every day he's in his job, SAMMY GLICKMAN offers more evidence of senile dementia.
(Via MediaBistro)
Here we thought this guy had something to say, and he proves just another Hollywood ass. Isn't that what JACK'S PROFOUNDLY HELPFUL ALPHABET SOUP does? And what if somebody doesn't like the rating then?
These idiots should stick to excreting toxic waste.
And every day he's in his job, SAMMY GLICKMAN offers more evidence of senile dementia.
(Via MediaBistro)
"Both magazines share a common challenge," says Walter Isaacson, former managing editor of Time magazine and now chief executive of the Aspen Institute think tank. "It's not a question of one beating the other but both being smart enough to reinvent themselves for the 21st century."
Old newsrag editors never die, they just spout their CW somewhere else.
(Via MediaBistro)
Old newsrag editors never die, they just spout their CW somewhere else.
(Via MediaBistro)
An odd career move:
Coke North American President Resigns
Donald Knauss To Become Chairman-CEO of Clorox
Coke North American President Resigns
Donald Knauss To Become Chairman-CEO of Clorox
I've got a better idea: let's preserve the Ohio presidential ballots in the John Kerry Presidential Library.
Pffffffffffffffffffffffffffft!
Pffffffffffffffffffffffffffft!
Forty-four assistant principals are so inept that no city school wants to hire them - but they'll all have jobs when classes begin next week, Schools Chancellor Joel Klein bemoaned yesterday.
Klein said he must waste "millions of dollars creating jobs we don't need" - money that could be used to hire 80 teachers - because the assistant principals' jobs are protected by their union contract and state law.
Sounds like government to me. Maybe we can get Dubya to finance a few more.
Klein said he must waste "millions of dollars creating jobs we don't need" - money that could be used to hire 80 teachers - because the assistant principals' jobs are protected by their union contract and state law.
Sounds like government to me. Maybe we can get Dubya to finance a few more.
Glenn Ford has died. Among other things he was lucky enough (lucky is an understatement) to star in two movies with Rita Hayworth. I think I can see why.
“Noel Coward once told me, ‘You will know you’re old when you cease to be amazed.’ Well, I can still be amazed,” Ford said in a 1981 interview with The Associated Press.This man must have been something to have known Noël Coward. But then he knew and worked in Hollywood when it was still worth knowing and working in, and we envy a man like that.
Yet another small piece of the old show-biz disappears, leading us closer to its oblivion.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
While the outlook appears stark, diplomats involved in negotiations with Iran are convinced that a deal is still possible between Washington and Tehran that could settle all outstanding issues stretching back to the Iranian revolution in 1979 which swept the Islamic regime into power.
What does this mean, RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!? Do this mean we can let bygones be bygone and just hop into bed with Nukeman? Does this mean we throw all sorts of high-tech at them? Does this mean we're happy the country has an Islamic dictatorship? Does this mean we send half of Foggy Bottom over to celebrate the anniversary of the hostage taking? Does this mean Jimmah is our ambassador? And who are these diplomats? Are these the same invented straw men Your toadies always knock down in DA POST and THE WEEKLY STANDARD?
Four posts with RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s name in one day is not good for the sanity.
What does this mean, RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!? Do this mean we can let bygones be bygone and just hop into bed with Nukeman? Does this mean we throw all sorts of high-tech at them? Does this mean we're happy the country has an Islamic dictatorship? Does this mean we send half of Foggy Bottom over to celebrate the anniversary of the hostage taking? Does this mean Jimmah is our ambassador? And who are these diplomats? Are these the same invented straw men Your toadies always knock down in DA POST and THE WEEKLY STANDARD?
Four posts with RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s name in one day is not good for the sanity.
In more news from our favorite celebrity flack Rog:
Paris Hilton’s debut album — which was first unveiled here last winter — has been rejected by pop fans. Paris sold just 76,000 copies in her first week, which means it’s over. Considering how much time and money were put into this ridiculous project at Warner Music Group, when “real” acts are waiting their turn, well … don’t get me started …
Don't get her boyfriend (and your boss) RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! started!
Paris Hilton’s debut album — which was first unveiled here last winter — has been rejected by pop fans. Paris sold just 76,000 copies in her first week, which means it’s over. Considering how much time and money were put into this ridiculous project at Warner Music Group, when “real” acts are waiting their turn, well … don’t get me started …
Don't get her boyfriend (and your boss) RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! started!
A LIBERAL NRA?
Make no mistake: this will appear in THE PAPER OF RE-CORD soon -- and then disappear. We'd like to see a LIBERAL NRA amass the war chest the real one has. This "if-you-can't-beat-them-co-opt-them" approach further underlines the liberal rot. Moreover it shows that on some positions, with some groups, true opposition is untenable.
That said, the NRA is pretty skunky smelling too; it played a big part in turning our politics into a national tantrum in a whorehouse.
Make no mistake: this will appear in THE PAPER OF RE-CORD soon -- and then disappear. We'd like to see a LIBERAL NRA amass the war chest the real one has. This "if-you-can't-beat-them-co-opt-them" approach further underlines the liberal rot. Moreover it shows that on some positions, with some groups, true opposition is untenable.
That said, the NRA is pretty skunky smelling too; it played a big part in turning our politics into a national tantrum in a whorehouse.
Family income up, but not pay
Ranks of uninsured Americans grow to 46.6M
LEGENDARY WELCH! Is that you laughing?
Ranks of uninsured Americans grow to 46.6M
LEGENDARY WELCH! Is that you laughing?
The first word that comes to mind to describe a mother who'd drive her sons to "tagging" sessions is MORON.
Just the first.
Figures: she had an arrest record.
Just the first.
Figures: she had an arrest record.
"This is such senseless stuff. These universities have to wake up and realize these are children when they are 18. They are not adults. There has to be some responsibility there. As a parent you kind of turn your kids over to the university, trusting that they will be OK and that they will be protected somewhat."
The Plato's Retreats of academe decided long ago in loco parentis is squaresville.
The Plato's Retreats of academe decided long ago in loco parentis is squaresville.
And here's a beneficiary: a four-hour Today show!
Hey Jeff Zucks! Hey Little Jeffy! Why don't you make it 24 hours a day and call it The Today Network? Then you'll really boost your profits!
(Via the inevitable Romy)
Hey Jeff Zucks! Hey Little Jeffy! Why don't you make it 24 hours a day and call it The Today Network? Then you'll really boost your profits!
(Via the inevitable Romy)
Three former football players at New Mexico State University have sued the institution and its head coach, charging that they were driven from the team because they were Muslim. University officials say the accusations were disproved by an internal investigation last fall and that the players were kicked off the squad because they performed poorly and behaved badly.
We're of two very annoyed minds about this. The Christianity of professional college football is the Christianity of Babbitt and Dubya. On the other hand a certain Muslim (think SUPERHOOPER) screams every time he can't get his way.
Whatever happened to the idea of the Brotherhood of Man?
We're of two very annoyed minds about this. The Christianity of professional college football is the Christianity of Babbitt and Dubya. On the other hand a certain Muslim (think SUPERHOOPER) screams every time he can't get his way.
Whatever happened to the idea of the Brotherhood of Man?
And another of TownHall.com's colyumnists -- Newt's ex-spokesmouth -- is on the RAMPAGE:
The West is being run, more or less, by the most incompetent generation of middle-aged white men since the 6th century -- when they let the Roman Empire collapse without providing for an alternative (other than the Dark Ages.)
BRING BACK NEWT!
The West is being run, more or less, by the most incompetent generation of middle-aged white men since the 6th century -- when they let the Roman Empire collapse without providing for an alternative (other than the Dark Ages.)
BRING BACK NEWT!
News is a business transaction: there's always a seller and a buyer.
The first Arab to win the Nobel Prize in Literature is dead -- and a lot of good it did him:
Despite millions readers [SIC] in the Arab world, Mr Mahfouz's books are still unavailable in many Middle Eastern countries because of his support for the Camp David peace treaty that Anwar Sadat, the late Egyptian President, signed with Israel in 1978 - a peace move viewed with fury by many in the Arab world at the time.
He was also stabbed by a holy cockroach. Perhaps the worst infamy, however, is that RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! does not mention him by name on His home page.
Which comes first, the Arabs living in peace with Israel -- or Hell freezing over?
Despite millions readers [SIC] in the Arab world, Mr Mahfouz's books are still unavailable in many Middle Eastern countries because of his support for the Camp David peace treaty that Anwar Sadat, the late Egyptian President, signed with Israel in 1978 - a peace move viewed with fury by many in the Arab world at the time.
He was also stabbed by a holy cockroach. Perhaps the worst infamy, however, is that RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! does not mention him by name on His home page.
Which comes first, the Arabs living in peace with Israel -- or Hell freezing over?
The sound of heavy drooling from the capital of the universe: MetLife is putting a huge apartment complex on the Lower East Side up for sale. It says $5 billion: but when you have
Why do we think the winner will end up a loser?
the most active developer in New York City, the Related Companies; one of the largest landlords, Glenwood Management; Tishman Speyer, which controls Rockefeller Center; two publicly traded real estate companies, Archstone and Vornado; the international bank UBS; and the Blackstone investment firm, as well as the Rudin, Durst and LeFrak real estate familiesin the bidding -- $20 billion! $50 billion! $100 BILLION! THE SKY'S THE LIMIT!! Then we can Rendellize it full bore with $100 MILLION CONDOS and....
Why do we think the winner will end up a loser?
Credulousness at AmSpec:
One afternoon the New York Post ran six full pages about Kann's [SIC] private life. "PERV'S LAIR. INSIDE JONBENET SUSPECT'S SEEDY BANGKOK DEN OF SIN," trumpeted the Daily News. "SEX CHANGE SHOCKER" came next. (The word "shock" is the key to tabloid reporting, with "Britney Baby Shocker" the ideal headline. One new publication is dispensing with pretense altogether and naming itself "Shock!") Now I realize you can't expect much from the News and Post but unfortunately both are coupled to rather sensible editorial pages -- and remember, the alternative is reading the New York Times.
1. That depends on your definition of "sensible." 2. I guess a "sensible" editorial page can't overcome the senselessness of RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s hacks. Maybe we're not so credulous.
One afternoon the New York Post ran six full pages about Kann's [SIC] private life. "PERV'S LAIR. INSIDE JONBENET SUSPECT'S SEEDY BANGKOK DEN OF SIN," trumpeted the Daily News. "SEX CHANGE SHOCKER" came next. (The word "shock" is the key to tabloid reporting, with "Britney Baby Shocker" the ideal headline. One new publication is dispensing with pretense altogether and naming itself "Shock!") Now I realize you can't expect much from the News and Post but unfortunately both are coupled to rather sensible editorial pages -- and remember, the alternative is reading the New York Times.
1. That depends on your definition of "sensible." 2. I guess a "sensible" editorial page can't overcome the senselessness of RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s hacks. Maybe we're not so credulous.
Shucks, here we were used to Mr. Mark and his unstinting jernalistic excellence, and now WaPo comes along and kicks him upstairs!
[H]e is expected to stay with Newsweek, possibly working on some broader strategic job....
Translation: they give him a cozy office and a fatter salary, and he attends meetings all day. Hardly different from his current job except he's not the editor of AMERICA'S NO. 1 -- 2 NEWSRAG.
Now we have to think of a nickname for his successor. We'll find one!
P. S. And sooner than we thought: his successor is one of REV. PETERS's boys, meaning he'll put the fire of the lef -- TRUTH into the rag! We're looking forward to your slant -- TAKE on the news!
I know -- Jonny the Boy Wonder!
[H]e is expected to stay with Newsweek, possibly working on some broader strategic job....
Translation: they give him a cozy office and a fatter salary, and he attends meetings all day. Hardly different from his current job except he's not the editor of AMERICA'S NO. 1 -- 2 NEWSRAG.
Now we have to think of a nickname for his successor. We'll find one!
P. S. And sooner than we thought: his successor is one of REV. PETERS's boys, meaning he'll put the fire of the lef -- TRUTH into the rag! We're looking forward to your slant -- TAKE on the news!
I know -- Jonny the Boy Wonder!
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
The worst words a RealTOR® can hear when building 500,000 condos:
"IT HAS SUDDENLY BECOME A BUYERS' MARKET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" [Overemphasis added]
And what story on the Cooling of Condo-mania is complete without RealTORs® complaining that the NEWS BIZ forced them to build 500,000 condos?
"IT HAS SUDDENLY BECOME A BUYERS' MARKET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" [Overemphasis added]
And what story on the Cooling of Condo-mania is complete without RealTORs® complaining that the NEWS BIZ forced them to build 500,000 condos?
$400 for top-of-the-line Vista -- and $259 for an upgrade!
That's BRILLIANT marketing, Bugmeister!
#50 in Amazon.com, and the upgrade's #45 -- people are roaring to buy this! (Pffffft!) But explain this, Bug:
Discontinued by manufacturer: Yes
That's BRILLIANT marketing, Bugmeister!
#50 in Amazon.com, and the upgrade's #45 -- people are roaring to buy this! (Pffffft!) But explain this, Bug:
Discontinued by manufacturer: Yes
Larry "Gekko" Kudlow says the Feds should have gone the supply-side route. At first blush it seems sensible especially given the way Dub and our Congress BURNED money "helping" the Gulf Coast. But "a zero capital gains tax" and letting "any new businesses started up in New Orleans...be tax-free for 5-10 years" is spending tax money too. Possibly it might have worked, but the epochal devastation might have put paid to any economic schemes. And most likely, given Lousiana's corruption before, that tax largesse would have seen the inside of politicians' pockets first.
Katrina, as much as 9/11, seared our nation's rudderlessness into our psyches, and it will take more than harebrained schemes by anybody to put us right.
Katrina, as much as 9/11, seared our nation's rudderlessness into our psyches, and it will take more than harebrained schemes by anybody to put us right.
Some Nooz flack wastes our time with his list of Branson East musicals opening.
We can be sure of this: 1. Several of the shows will be willed to success because Branson East's cash flow depends on them (Mary Poppins, Les Miz); 2. Several of the shows will be willed to success because they're self-evident IMMORTALITIES (A Chorus Line, the genius of HERR DOKTOR SONDHEIM); and 3. Several of the shows will be willed to success because the critics already have the raves in their hard drives (that sex musical). That there's not one worthy work among these masterpieces is obvious (Quick! Sing us an F-bomb!), but that won't prevent the BENs from selling them, or Branson East from deluding itself it's not a tourist trap.
We can be sure of this: 1. Several of the shows will be willed to success because Branson East's cash flow depends on them (Mary Poppins, Les Miz); 2. Several of the shows will be willed to success because they're self-evident IMMORTALITIES (A Chorus Line, the genius of HERR DOKTOR SONDHEIM); and 3. Several of the shows will be willed to success because the critics already have the raves in their hard drives (that sex musical). That there's not one worthy work among these masterpieces is obvious (Quick! Sing us an F-bomb!), but that won't prevent the BENs from selling them, or Branson East from deluding itself it's not a tourist trap.
Another fight over who'll get to succeed the Lord God Sumner.
If these imbeciles spent as much time making good entertainment as they spend in ego battles we'd have the MEGAPLATINUM AGE the hacks always say we live in.
If these imbeciles spent as much time making good entertainment as they spend in ego battles we'd have the MEGAPLATINUM AGE the hacks always say we live in.
A year after Hurricane Katrina devastated Mississippi and Louisiana, President Bush and Democratic leaders are converging on the Gulf Coast this week to commemorate the losses while continuing the political argument over the federal response to the country's largest natural disaster.
TRANSLATION: They're still pointing fingers and still doing nothing.
TRANSLATION: They're still pointing fingers and still doing nothing.
And in more exaggeration from the much devalued British Empire:
Collapse of JonBenet murder case stuns US [Home-page hed]
This is like that stupid hed Stale.com ran the other day. I wasn't stunned. I suspect even many who followed the story closely weren't stunned. Not only do British news hacks not have to be bribed, they don't have to be bribed to be stupid.
Collapse of JonBenet murder case stuns US [Home-page hed]
This is like that stupid hed Stale.com ran the other day. I wasn't stunned. I suspect even many who followed the story closely weren't stunned. Not only do British news hacks not have to be bribed, they don't have to be bribed to be stupid.
I want KLo or Hugh or Jo-NAH or Em or Ninny Medved or the Bloggers of the Millennium or SAM LITTLE or other knee-jerk conservatives to tell me after reading this article about the EEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL of Abu Ghraib we just closed (and the countless Iraqi citizens Saddam hanged in the ninth graf) that RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is a CONSERVATIVE.
Monday, August 28, 2006
JOKE OF THE DAY:
Tom Cruise's production company, ousted last week in an unusually public dispute with Paramount Pictures, has signed a two-year financing deal with an investment partnership headed by Washington Redskins owner Daniel Snyder.
PREDICTION: Snyder has money troubles with both. How can he finance a candle burning at both ends? By the way Dan, Couch Jumper isn't 22 anymore.
I like the name too -- First & Goal. After a few flubs it may have to be called Fourth & Long.
P. S. We forgot: he controls Six Flags, another money maker. He was going to be the next Walt Disney. We're waiting, Uncle Walt.
Tom Cruise's production company, ousted last week in an unusually public dispute with Paramount Pictures, has signed a two-year financing deal with an investment partnership headed by Washington Redskins owner Daniel Snyder.
PREDICTION: Snyder has money troubles with both. How can he finance a candle burning at both ends? By the way Dan, Couch Jumper isn't 22 anymore.
I like the name too -- First & Goal. After a few flubs it may have to be called Fourth & Long.
P. S. We forgot: he controls Six Flags, another money maker. He was going to be the next Walt Disney. We're waiting, Uncle Walt.
All that melodrama and the authorities apparently won't press charges against the guy who said "Me! Me!" (Note though "a TV station" said, it, and that means a video police blotter, and we know how trustworthy they are.)
Now (presumably) back to square one, where this seemed destined for all along.
Now (presumably) back to square one, where this seemed destined for all along.
Now it's teen suicides.
Is there nothing RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s site can't be linked to?
(Via USAOKAY!!!!!.com)
Is there nothing RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s site can't be linked to?
(Via USAOKAY!!!!!.com)
Ehud says he's "responsible", and stays in office.
Hey if all I had to do was use a word, I'd do that too!
Hey if all I had to do was use a word, I'd do that too!
WHY must something like this appear in a CONSERVATIVE Web site, where it can be mocked or ignored simply because the Web site is CONSERVATIVE?
"But we should not forget that so many of our soldiers and Marines are performing not only honorably, but heroically, in very difficult circumstances," he added. "Their contributions should not be tarnished by the acts of a very, very few."
If only we hacks could return to the golden age of Vietnam, and not have to run such a graf at ALL.
If only we hacks could return to the golden age of Vietnam, and not have to run such a graf at ALL.
Dressed in a tuxedo, his face finally showing the passage of time....
Do you find something slightly distasteful in this line? I do. For years the hacks kept calling Dick Clark a teenager, even when it was obvious he looked his age, albeit with better hair and skin tone. Now that he's making a painfully slow recovery from his stroke, NOW we admit to it. Maybe if we'd shown a little sense earlier we wouldn't have had to make this offensive statement. But to think news hacks have any sense is to think the sun rises from the west.
Do you find something slightly distasteful in this line? I do. For years the hacks kept calling Dick Clark a teenager, even when it was obvious he looked his age, albeit with better hair and skin tone. Now that he's making a painfully slow recovery from his stroke, NOW we admit to it. Maybe if we'd shown a little sense earlier we wouldn't have had to make this offensive statement. But to think news hacks have any sense is to think the sun rises from the west.
Hezbollah leader Sheik Hassan Nasrallah said yesterday that he would not have ordered the July 12 seizure of two Israeli soldiers had he known it would provoke a war that leveled Shi'ite villages and neighborhoods throughout Lebanon.
We thought your side won!
We thought your side won!
Here's another word ruined from overuse: gravitas. Once it described a deep philospoher, or an especially weighty professor. Now it describes a perky face reading off a TelePrompTer. If we had to define news hacks by their gravitas they'd be -- airheads.
(Via the inevitable Romy)
(Via the inevitable Romy)
Sunday, August 27, 2006
What has gotten into our national psyche that we can't rebuild New Orleans, or lower Manhattan? Part of it is the inept leadership, starting at the very top; Dubya's the sort who spends much of his time in hiding, literally and figuratively. But so much of it is the feeling that we can't, we shouldn't, we won't. It is a total negation of the spirit that made America history's mightiest republic. We're doomed if we can't recapture it. And we'd better do it now.
Meantime we learned those two freed FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!News reporters converted to Islam at gunpoint, which they might not have had to do if they'd worked for AP, or Al Reut.
And no, just because they work for an allegedly "con-SER-va-tive" news operation means nothing.
P. S. at 7:40 p.m.: I think I should explain myself to those of you coming across me via Real Clear Politics (thank you AGAIN, RCP!): First off, I hope you read me, and find me amusing. Second, it's a tradition with me (or rather a very bad habit) to use rows of exclamation points after the names of conservative outfits that have an exaggerated sense of power, or with anything related to Rupert Murdoch, who is with his empire what Khrushchev was with his shoe. I know I have a weird way with my words, but I'd rather be weird than bland. And I meant to say that I wonder if even a conservative news organization can't be subjugated by PC politics just as easily as AP or Al Reut; and we should remember at heart Rupert is no conservative.
Again, I hope you read me, and come back at least a couple of times.
And no, just because they work for an allegedly "con-SER-va-tive" news operation means nothing.
P. S. at 7:40 p.m.: I think I should explain myself to those of you coming across me via Real Clear Politics (thank you AGAIN, RCP!): First off, I hope you read me, and find me amusing. Second, it's a tradition with me (or rather a very bad habit) to use rows of exclamation points after the names of conservative outfits that have an exaggerated sense of power, or with anything related to Rupert Murdoch, who is with his empire what Khrushchev was with his shoe. I know I have a weird way with my words, but I'd rather be weird than bland. And I meant to say that I wonder if even a conservative news organization can't be subjugated by PC politics just as easily as AP or Al Reut; and we should remember at heart Rupert is no conservative.
Again, I hope you read me, and come back at least a couple of times.
Romy is ON CALL today! Why? Because The Paper of Re-cord has run a head-scratching piece about why KnightRidder had to disappear. How could such a great newspaper company, with 85 P-ULITZERS and possibly hundreds of thousands of other awards, just -- vanish? Well, as is typical with stories like this, it's always somebody else's fault: the greedy shareholders, shortsighted advertisers, beancounters from Podunk. It's never, EVER the fault of the people who actually make the product. They won 85 P-ULITZERS, didn't they?
SO WHAT?
P. S.
While Mr. Sherman’s firm has been shedding some of its newspaper stocks, largely at the direction of dissatisfied clients, about 10 percent of his portfolio remains invested in newspapers. (As of June 30 his firm owned 13 percent of the common stock of The New York Times Company.)
PIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNCH!!!!!
SO WHAT?
P. S.
While Mr. Sherman’s firm has been shedding some of its newspaper stocks, largely at the direction of dissatisfied clients, about 10 percent of his portfolio remains invested in newspapers. (As of June 30 his firm owned 13 percent of the common stock of The New York Times Company.)
PIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNCH!!!!!
The ASSociated Press is VERY selective of its sponsors!
That's okay -- midriffs set us on fire too!
As a public service, we post in full "The Week Ahead 28 August – 3 September 2006, Committee meetings and political groups week – Brussels", the goings on of Europe's Parliament, from the EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-U's Web site:
Preparing for the plenary. Parliament’s political groups will devote most of the week to preparing for the Strasbourg plenary session of 4-7 September. The main points on the agenda will include a vote on a report on EU – China relations, as well as debates on the events of the summer.
Lebanon. The Foreign Affairs Committee will hold a special meeting to debate the Middle East crisis with representatives of the Council and the Commission. (Tuesday)
Congo. Development Commissioner Louis Michel will take part in a discussion with MEPs in the Development Committee on the observation mission for July’s elections in the Democratic Republic of Congo. (Monday)
Human Rights. A public hearing organised by Parliament’s Sub-Committee on Human Rights will discuss the concept of ‘transitional justice’ and the alternatives to impunity for past human rights violations in societies moving towards democracy. The meeting will analyse various approaches which have been taken in Africa, Latin America and the Arab world. (Monday)
Pre-session press briefing. Any changes to the plenary agenda made by the Conference of Presidents will be announced at the regular pre-session press conference at 11am on Friday 1 September in Brussels.
Polish Prime Minister. EP President Josep Borrell will hold a meeting with Jaroslaw Kaczynski, the Prime Minister of Poland. (Wednesday)
Just to let people know The World's Most PC Deliberative Body (well, outside the Cornell University Faculty Senate) keeps up with world affairs.
Preparing for the plenary. Parliament’s political groups will devote most of the week to preparing for the Strasbourg plenary session of 4-7 September. The main points on the agenda will include a vote on a report on EU – China relations, as well as debates on the events of the summer.
Lebanon. The Foreign Affairs Committee will hold a special meeting to debate the Middle East crisis with representatives of the Council and the Commission. (Tuesday)
Congo. Development Commissioner Louis Michel will take part in a discussion with MEPs in the Development Committee on the observation mission for July’s elections in the Democratic Republic of Congo. (Monday)
Human Rights. A public hearing organised by Parliament’s Sub-Committee on Human Rights will discuss the concept of ‘transitional justice’ and the alternatives to impunity for past human rights violations in societies moving towards democracy. The meeting will analyse various approaches which have been taken in Africa, Latin America and the Arab world. (Monday)
Pre-session press briefing. Any changes to the plenary agenda made by the Conference of Presidents will be announced at the regular pre-session press conference at 11am on Friday 1 September in Brussels.
Polish Prime Minister. EP President Josep Borrell will hold a meeting with Jaroslaw Kaczynski, the Prime Minister of Poland. (Wednesday)
Just to let people know The World's Most PC Deliberative Body (well, outside the Cornell University Faculty Senate) keeps up with world affairs.
And how many times has G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLEBLOGGER refused to open when you wanted to post?
Somebody tell Larry and Sergey (if they know what Blogger is): November 1 will be the one-year anniversary of "Maintenance on Saturday" on the Dashboard. Are you zillionaire clowns keeping it up because it was an especially good fix? Or an especially bad one?
And November 14 (a Tuesday) is the one-year anniversary of "Maintenance on Monday, November 14." Are you morons trying to turn these into national monuments?
Somebody tell Larry and Sergey (if they know what Blogger is): November 1 will be the one-year anniversary of "Maintenance on Saturday" on the Dashboard. Are you zillionaire clowns keeping it up because it was an especially good fix? Or an especially bad one?
And November 14 (a Tuesday) is the one-year anniversary of "Maintenance on Monday, November 14." Are you morons trying to turn these into national monuments?
Oops:
Most Democratic candidates in competitive congressional races are opposed to setting a timetable for pulling U.S. troops out of Iraq, rejecting pressure from liberal activists to demand a quick end to the three-year-old military conflict.
You guys running as Republicans? What would Speaker Babs think?
Most Democratic candidates in competitive congressional races are opposed to setting a timetable for pulling U.S. troops out of Iraq, rejecting pressure from liberal activists to demand a quick end to the three-year-old military conflict.
You guys running as Republicans? What would Speaker Babs think?
Another famous USAOKAY!!!!!.com home-page juxtaposition:
N.D. town short on police cars Man leads officers on a destructive chase and crashes his van into 10 cruisers
NASCAR
Kenseth rolls to victory
N.D. town short on police cars Man leads officers on a destructive chase and crashes his van into 10 cruisers
NASCAR
Kenseth rolls to victory
Mr. Mark comes back from vacation -- and he puts this Pluto dust-up on the cover? Come on, Markie -- we want to be told want to think, and what to buy! We want to be told Democrats and show-biz are the root of all wisdom, and Republicans are the root of all evil! Whatsa matta, Markie? You publish on the wrong day of the week?
And the TWXSTERS aren't any better today -- they're navel-gazing about stars. Are we thinking of expanding our outreach?
Well one of the TWXSTERS got in the spirit -- he rootrootroots for Ms. Babs. We want a DEMOCRATIC CONGRESS!!!!! Can you help? Do birds fly?
(Certainly we help with this story: you'd almost have to guess Babs has a 3 lifetime rating from the ACU, and a 95 for 2005 from the ADA. I smell THE NEXT HENRY LUCE! [Pe-eeew!])
And the TWXSTERS aren't any better today -- they're navel-gazing about stars. Are we thinking of expanding our outreach?
Well one of the TWXSTERS got in the spirit -- he rootrootroots for Ms. Babs. We want a DEMOCRATIC CONGRESS!!!!! Can you help? Do birds fly?
(Certainly we help with this story: you'd almost have to guess Babs has a 3 lifetime rating from the ACU, and a 95 for 2005 from the ADA. I smell THE NEXT HENRY LUCE! [Pe-eeew!])