THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
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Saturday, January 30, 2010
Now the ASSPress pretty well reverses itself and says the MILITANT trials will cost us $200 million minimum, and obviously the Chief Social Engineer is going to scream for them until Hell freezes over, which shouldn't matter to him for we doubt he believes in it.
I have dutifully tried to listen to the highly-acclaimed (speaking of revuer talk) meeting in Baltimore, but to me it's just another example of another overused term: kabuki. Both sides platituded past each other. And while I'd love for His Omnipotence to surpass my expectations -- he still has some wan pixie dust left from his rapidly fading charisma -- there's something about his almost monotonous baritone and automatonic thinking that makes my brain wink off. In the end, nothing will come of this, regardless of how many pundits show their boundless awe with another overused term: theater. Government must be more than bad acting.
The resulting political and public outcry has forced the Obama administration to consider looking for a friendlier home for the high-profile trial, even as the legitimacy of the New York Police Department's security plan and its estimated cost goes unchallenged.
Well, we suppose the PD could protect the courtroom with ten cops and three barricades, and God knows New York's finest haven't always been, and perhaps (as the ASSPress hacks insinuate with these loaded words) some pols came up with convenient numbers to challenge a politically nauseating act, but let us remember His Omnipotence started the ball rolling by saying in so many words MILITANTS were common criminals in disguise, and by appointing a Chief Social Engineer eagerly looking for excuses to avoid his duty to the people.
Well, we suppose the PD could protect the courtroom with ten cops and three barricades, and God knows New York's finest haven't always been, and perhaps (as the ASSPress hacks insinuate with these loaded words) some pols came up with convenient numbers to challenge a politically nauseating act, but let us remember His Omnipotence started the ball rolling by saying in so many words MILITANTS were common criminals in disguise, and by appointing a Chief Social Engineer eagerly looking for excuses to avoid his duty to the people.
The quality of movies has not kept pace with the soaring grosses, to put it mildly. Many critics have cast a skeptical eye at the releases of 2009. For example, in a recent article lamenting the paltry offerings in the fall awards season, Wall Street Journal critic Joe Morgenstern attacked the "compromised, bloated and misshapen" movies of the season.
Even when these new movies are adapted from highbrow literary works, they cry out for better writing. Older movies were smart to employ many novelists and playwrights who honed their craft in other art forms. Perhaps today's producers need to cast a wider net in luring more gifted writers to try their hand at screenwriting. These 21st century film technicians are more wizardly than ever, but the art of graceful, light-fingered storytelling has been lost on the road to a 3-D, digitized Oz.
Consider 10 high-profile movies -- all eagerly anticipated, some likely to be in the Oscar race when nominations are announced Tuesday -- that are strikingly reminiscent of better movies from the past. In some instances these new pictures pale in comparison to classics from Hollywood's golden age. But in other cases, today's movies falter when placed against films from just a few years ago.
Somebody said that in LALA?!?!?
Or is this just another alibi for praise?
This artistic and commercial drought is partly due to production cutbacks. After flooding the market with too much schlock for much too long, the studios are releasing 40% fewer films than they did last fall. But it also reflects a feeling, widely shared by filmmakers and industry veterans, that Hollywood's production apparatus has broken down. Most movies presently manufactured by the studio process are as compromised, bloated and misshapen as they are—even in its darkest days General Motors knew that a car required four wheels and an engine—because the thinning ranks of executives at most studios no longer know how to make feature films that please broad segments of the audience.
An alibi. This hand-wringing sounds so damned FAKE -- perhaps because we've heard it all before, just as we've heard the concomitant RAVES WAY TOO OFTEN before.
Even when these new movies are adapted from highbrow literary works, they cry out for better writing. Older movies were smart to employ many novelists and playwrights who honed their craft in other art forms. Perhaps today's producers need to cast a wider net in luring more gifted writers to try their hand at screenwriting. These 21st century film technicians are more wizardly than ever, but the art of graceful, light-fingered storytelling has been lost on the road to a 3-D, digitized Oz.
Consider 10 high-profile movies -- all eagerly anticipated, some likely to be in the Oscar race when nominations are announced Tuesday -- that are strikingly reminiscent of better movies from the past. In some instances these new pictures pale in comparison to classics from Hollywood's golden age. But in other cases, today's movies falter when placed against films from just a few years ago.
Somebody said that in LALA?!?!?
Or is this just another alibi for praise?
This artistic and commercial drought is partly due to production cutbacks. After flooding the market with too much schlock for much too long, the studios are releasing 40% fewer films than they did last fall. But it also reflects a feeling, widely shared by filmmakers and industry veterans, that Hollywood's production apparatus has broken down. Most movies presently manufactured by the studio process are as compromised, bloated and misshapen as they are—even in its darkest days General Motors knew that a car required four wheels and an engine—because the thinning ranks of executives at most studios no longer know how to make feature films that please broad segments of the audience.
An alibi. This hand-wringing sounds so damned FAKE -- perhaps because we've heard it all before, just as we've heard the concomitant RAVES WAY TOO OFTEN before.
BOOM BOOM BOOM (you know, the golfer who always gets himself in trouble) said he was retiring, but then he must have remembered you-know-who wasn't around, and he quit his quitting.
Washington Times to name RIGHT-LEANING!!!!! journalist Sam Dealey as new editor [NAZI overemphasis added]
Nice going, Howie Hairshirt. So if a rag chose a known left-leaning editor you wouldn't notice. Nor would BROCCOLI.
Yes, we know it's Rev's paper. But yours is 18-percent owned by GOD.
I say it's BROCCOLI, and I say the hell with it! (And I LIKE broccoli.)
Nice going, Howie Hairshirt. So if a rag chose a known left-leaning editor you wouldn't notice. Nor would BROCCOLI.
Yes, we know it's Rev's paper. But yours is 18-percent owned by GOD.
I say it's BROCCOLI, and I say the hell with it! (And I LIKE broccoli.)
Friday, January 29, 2010
Government officials say a flight was diverted to Jacksonville, Florida, because the name of a passenger on board was an apparent match to a name on the terrorist watch list.
Was he eight years old?
Was he eight years old?
ARCHDaily!
A reader sent us this quite unusual project. We don’t know where it is or who designed it, so if you know please do tell us. What do you think it is? My guess, something related with music…
Who knows -- maybe even your readers are ashamed?
A reader sent us this quite unusual project. We don’t know where it is or who designed it, so if you know please do tell us. What do you think it is? My guess, something related with music…
Who knows -- maybe even your readers are ashamed?
I AM ASHAMED AT YOU! USA TODAY HAS ALWAYS TAKEN GREAT PRIDE IN BEING THE FIRST WITH THE NEWS ON SUPER BOWL ADS -- AND WE LET OUR COMPETITION BEAT US BLACK AND BLUE!! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, REMEMBER, SUPER BOWL ADS ARE OUR PROFIT CENTER! AND WE NEED MORE ORIGINAL PRESS RE - WRITING ON SUPER BOWL ADS!!!! WE CAN'T LET EVEN A BRILLIANT PUBLICIST LIKE SHARON WAXMAN BEAT US AGAIN!!!!! SO REMEMBER, NEXT TIME, WE MUST BE FIRST WITH PRESS -- NEWS!!!!!!
SUPER BOWL ADS ARE OUR PROFIT CENTER!!!!!!!
(Via MICHAEL, who'd perfectly fit in the USA OKAY!!!!! luxury suite on days like these)
SUPER BOWL ADS ARE OUR PROFIT CENTER!!!!!!!
(Via MICHAEL, who'd perfectly fit in the USA OKAY!!!!! luxury suite on days like these)
Iran was the destination of 40 tons of weapons from North Korea that were seized in Bangkok, Thailand, on Dec. 12, according to a confidential report to the United Nations Security Council by the Thai government.
Two bowls of wet noodles -- in two directions!
(Via FinViz)
Two bowls of wet noodles -- in two directions!
(Via FinViz)
A profit center for plastic surgeons did an interview for SI about the late-night bozos, of whom she was assuredly one (it's down now), and most of the commenters are agreed: Joan isn't funny, Jut-Jaw isn't funny, and Red isn't funny. Batting 1.000 is pretty good in my book.
Now that Democrats intend to throw a long-running tantrum over Justice Alito for allowing FAT-CATS back into campaigns (PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!) perhaps this is the time to unearth my idea that the Nine Fingers should be ELECTED -- with TERM LIMITS.
Let me guess: National Public Newstalk Radio has a problem with Israel. Let me further guess: The problem is Israel.
(Via the usual Romy)
(Via the usual Romy)
Attorney General and Chief Social Engineer Effete Q. Snob must be in a furor every waking moment (and perhaps in his sleep too) because the PEONS will not let HIM try MILITANTS in NEW YORK to show even MILITANTS must be allowed to PROVE they have been PERSECUTED by an EVIL -- oh wait, he's in the cabinet.
And how little sense do His Omnipotence and His Chief Social Engineer have? Even DEMOCRATS are opposed.
And how little sense do His Omnipotence and His Chief Social Engineer have? Even DEMOCRATS are opposed.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Gizmodo, Drudge Fooled by Fake 'TSA Porn'
Nick Dorken and WALTER WINCHELL!!!!! Why am I not surprised?
Nick Dorken and WALTER WINCHELL!!!!! Why am I not surprised?
Dealing with a pregnant mistress and a suspicious wife, John Edwards and a close aide agreed by the middle of 2007 to solicit funds from a wealthy widow who had promised to "do whatever it takes" to make him president, according to the former confidant's new book.
Bunny Mellon, the widow of banking heir Paul Mellon, began sending checks "for many hundreds of thousands of dollars" hidden in boxes of chocolates, according to "The Politician" by former Edwards aide Andrew Young.
Casanova's going to JAIL!
Bunny Mellon, the widow of banking heir Paul Mellon, began sending checks "for many hundreds of thousands of dollars" hidden in boxes of chocolates, according to "The Politician" by former Edwards aide Andrew Young.
Casanova's going to JAIL!
11:36 AM NYSE (NYX) reports delays in quotes on symbols A through HZZ.
Is one of those whizzy computers up to some trading?
Is one of those whizzy computers up to some trading?
Can you recall a CEO leading his charges in a pep rally?
Maybe if a few of the overstuffed seat warmers left their executive suites -- but then the only way they'll leave their suites is if they're fired.
MB2! We wondered when you'd dance the tarantella!
Must've been busy counting the billions for ESPNCORP. If you took company men like MB2 and SHARON out of media you couldn't have media.
Must've been busy counting the billions for ESPNCORP. If you took company men like MB2 and SHARON out of media you couldn't have media.
Boo hoo: ESPNCORP is finally closing the remnant of the former WHINER BROTHERS studio, home of SCREAM!!!!! and Academy Awards®.
WHINER COMPANY IS NEXT!
When we think of the movies that defined the latter part of the 20th century - the movies that mattered, that stories that hit pop culture like a hammer and left a dent – more often than not they came from Miramax.
“The Piano.” “Pulp Fiction.” “Sex, Lies and Videotape.” “Clerks.” “The English Patient.” (See slideshow)
All too often, we may find ourselves saying: Why doesn’t Hollywood make those movies anymore?
We're lucky it can't!
But Sharon, you can always get a job with HARVEY -- and we hope the company goes bust the next day!
WHINER COMPANY IS NEXT!
When we think of the movies that defined the latter part of the 20th century - the movies that mattered, that stories that hit pop culture like a hammer and left a dent – more often than not they came from Miramax.
“The Piano.” “Pulp Fiction.” “Sex, Lies and Videotape.” “Clerks.” “The English Patient.” (See slideshow)
All too often, we may find ourselves saying: Why doesn’t Hollywood make those movies anymore?
We're lucky it can't!
But Sharon, you can always get a job with HARVEY -- and we hope the company goes bust the next day!
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
There is boisterous amazement around the BRANSON EAST theme parks that SCARLETT CAN ACT!!!!! But that lady from England proves that just about anyone can sing who puts his mind to it, and ac-TING, we might say, is a kind of music without notes, and once you remove the words from the ac-TOR's hollow head you often get THE SECOND COMING OF CHRIST. No, I am NOT amazed.
But what can you expect from interns who can write 913 WORDS on SLIME's Major Bowes act?
But what can you expect from interns who can write 913 WORDS on SLIME's Major Bowes act?
More GREAT: Luke Spielberg's making a musical.
I don't know exactly how tone-deaf the man who tried variety TV 32 years ago is, but I'd wager it's up there.
I don't know exactly how tone-deaf the man who tried variety TV 32 years ago is, but I'd wager it's up there.
I see London. I see France. I see the Super Bowl's underpants.
I see GanNETtoids convincing themselves again if they plug Super Bowl ads hard enough they too can land a luxury suite.
I see GanNETtoids convincing themselves again if they plug Super Bowl ads hard enough they too can land a luxury suite.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
What a difference a year makes. But I’m pleased to report that before I came up here tonight, I was able to sign a contract with my publisher for a new book. I’m going to call it The Audacity of Oops.
Hey Bill Buckleyson! That would be a great title for your next BRILLIANT satirical novel!
Hey Bill Buckleyson! That would be a great title for your next BRILLIANT satirical novel!
The NRF said today it expects retail sales to rise 2.5% in 2010, up sharply from a 2.5% sales decline in 2009.
Meaning after two years we're nearly back where we started!
Meaning after two years we're nearly back where we started!
With Apple Tablet, Print Media Hope for a Payday
TRANSLATION: Now the news hacks REALLY have an incentive to plug Stevedom!
(Via MediaBistro)
TRANSLATION: Now the news hacks REALLY have an incentive to plug Stevedom!
(Via MediaBistro)
Believe me when I say that torture porn flicks embarrass the industry which has been moving away from that and towards PG-13 fright fare.
Oops! Wrong link.
I told you not to believe SUPERNIKKI!!!!!
Oops! Wrong link.
I told you not to believe SUPERNIKKI!!!!!
I've been reading The Roosevelts: An American Saga, by Peter Collier with David Horowitz. At the front of the book, there's a detailed family tree, showing the connections between the "Oyster Bay Roosevelts" (TR and close kin) and the "Hyde Park Roosvelts" [SIC] (FDR and close kin). The branches were linked by Eleanor Roosevelt, who was TR's niece and FDR's wife.
Anyway, the family tree shows the offspring of Eleanor and FDR. They had five children who survived childhood (and one who didn't). Between them, these five children had 19 different spouses.
So?
Anyway, the family tree shows the offspring of Eleanor and FDR. They had five children who survived childhood (and one who didn't). Between them, these five children had 19 different spouses.
So?
Monday, January 25, 2010
Obama to reintroduce himself during State of the Union
Hi! My name's God and I'm running for president.
Hi! My name's God and I'm running for president.
And in more RENDELLISM NoMotown creates a bustling center of activity called Midtown with -- you'll never guess this -- a UNIVERSITY! And a MEDICAL CENTER! AND "[p]lenty of foundation funding, along with state, city and federal dollars aimed at boosting inner-city development"! Which should prevent it from having to turn half its acreage into FARMLAND.
And as the movee biz attempts to hire a new contact with the FBI we see SAMMY GLICK...MAN has hired himself out to something called Refugees International. HE should KNOW.
Massachusetts has tried an extra-strength dose of RENDELLISM, and look at all the good it's done:
[E]ducation and health care employment in Massachusetts grew by more than 20 percent over the past decade. Leisure and hospitality, which includes restaurants and hotels, grew by almost 12 percent.
But average wages in education and health care, more than $900 a week, are a third lower than manufacturing’s average of nearly $1,300 a week, according to state statistics. The average weekly wage in leisure and hospitality, about $400, is two-thirds lower than manufacturing.
Meantime manufacturing stinks because a previous version of RENDELLISM stated HIGH-TECH!!!!! was the thing. Does anyone in GUVMENT know his rear end from a hole in the ground?
[E]ducation and health care employment in Massachusetts grew by more than 20 percent over the past decade. Leisure and hospitality, which includes restaurants and hotels, grew by almost 12 percent.
But average wages in education and health care, more than $900 a week, are a third lower than manufacturing’s average of nearly $1,300 a week, according to state statistics. The average weekly wage in leisure and hospitality, about $400, is two-thirds lower than manufacturing.
Meantime manufacturing stinks because a previous version of RENDELLISM stated HIGH-TECH!!!!! was the thing. Does anyone in GUVMENT know his rear end from a hole in the ground?
The reformed PC Web version of GLENN BECK!!!!!!!!!! chose a fine time to make new friends.
Once a crank, always a crank.
P. S. We didn't click on the link because we can read such stories in our head, and the Web increasingly decreases in its utility because we can read ever more stories in our head.
Once a crank, always a crank.
P. S. We didn't click on the link because we can read such stories in our head, and the Web increasingly decreases in its utility because we can read ever more stories in our head.
The Daily Kaplan tries to buck up itself and its charges:
Obama is the first truly wired president, the first to have Internet access at his desk and to converse regularly via e-mail. This fingertip access sends him "constantly" online, said one senior adviser, and the information he finds there influences his thinking and some of his deliberations. He also "uses the Internet like a normal adult," said another aide, "reading news articles, checking sports scores."
You mean now we have to blame the BUGMEISTERS and the Dalai Lamas of Mountain View?
Obama is the first truly wired president, the first to have Internet access at his desk and to converse regularly via e-mail. This fingertip access sends him "constantly" online, said one senior adviser, and the information he finds there influences his thinking and some of his deliberations. He also "uses the Internet like a normal adult," said another aide, "reading news articles, checking sports scores."
You mean now we have to blame the BUGMEISTERS and the Dalai Lamas of Mountain View?
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Here we were talking about how WFMU's blog had gotten into a punkified rut when one of its contributors (best known for very bad mp3 transfers of stand-up comedy albums on his blog) runs an interesting piece about the LEGENDARY late-night disaster that was The Jerry Lewis Show, and for an honorary cherry he tops it off with a link to an American Heritage interview with Rudy Vallée, who must have been some piece of goods but we would gladly have loved to have known him -- especially when he laid into Frank Loesser, who almost unintentionally revived his career after years of bad movies:
Have you considered doing another Broadway show?
Not really. Broadway is too much of an asphalt jungle. Not that I can’t handle myself in the infighting. It’s now fairly well-known how they tried to dump me from the cast of How to Succeed. The songs I had been given were corny and almost amateurish, which was the way composer Frank Loesser had intended them to be for my role as the tycoon, J. B. Biggley. Nobody understood that I didn’t need any rehearsal of these simple songs. I had introduced songs on my radio shows, to twenty million listeners, that sometimes I had only run over once, and I refused to sit in a small, hot rehearsal room and sing the goddamned songs for three or four hours steadily, which was what Loesser had all the cast do with his songs. Loesser started the ouster, and about two weeks before the out-of-town tryouts in Philadelphia, I got the word that they wanted me out of the show. My contract was for fifty-seven weeks, which figured out to around ninety thousand dollars. They offered me forty thousand to get out. I knew that if I insisted on full payment of the contract, I couldn’t legally work at anything else for a year. But I was terribly hurt and humiliated. They had chased me for months to do it. “Nuts!” I told my agent. “I want the full fifty-seven weeks. I’ll take it and sit on my ass. The hell with them.” I don’t know whether it was the thought of paying me all that money or what, but they decided to let me stay. When the show opened and people started asking what casting genius had picked Rudy Vallée for the role of old J. B. Biggley, they all bowed their heads graciously.
No, they don't make stars the way they used to.
P. S. This is the same Frank Loesser who was so insistent on reprising his songs in Guys and Dolls his director George S. Kaufman retorted, "If you reprise the songs I'll reprise the jokes." They don't make composers and directors the same way either.
Have you considered doing another Broadway show?
Not really. Broadway is too much of an asphalt jungle. Not that I can’t handle myself in the infighting. It’s now fairly well-known how they tried to dump me from the cast of How to Succeed. The songs I had been given were corny and almost amateurish, which was the way composer Frank Loesser had intended them to be for my role as the tycoon, J. B. Biggley. Nobody understood that I didn’t need any rehearsal of these simple songs. I had introduced songs on my radio shows, to twenty million listeners, that sometimes I had only run over once, and I refused to sit in a small, hot rehearsal room and sing the goddamned songs for three or four hours steadily, which was what Loesser had all the cast do with his songs. Loesser started the ouster, and about two weeks before the out-of-town tryouts in Philadelphia, I got the word that they wanted me out of the show. My contract was for fifty-seven weeks, which figured out to around ninety thousand dollars. They offered me forty thousand to get out. I knew that if I insisted on full payment of the contract, I couldn’t legally work at anything else for a year. But I was terribly hurt and humiliated. They had chased me for months to do it. “Nuts!” I told my agent. “I want the full fifty-seven weeks. I’ll take it and sit on my ass. The hell with them.” I don’t know whether it was the thought of paying me all that money or what, but they decided to let me stay. When the show opened and people started asking what casting genius had picked Rudy Vallée for the role of old J. B. Biggley, they all bowed their heads graciously.
No, they don't make stars the way they used to.
P. S. This is the same Frank Loesser who was so insistent on reprising his songs in Guys and Dolls his director George S. Kaufman retorted, "If you reprise the songs I'll reprise the jokes." They don't make composers and directors the same way either.
ARCHDaily!
"2 Sisters House"? Would it be sexist to call them -- it ugly?
OR:
Four white Monopoly houses!
"2 Sisters House"? Would it be sexist to call them -- it ugly?
OR:
Four white Monopoly houses!