THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
Blogroll Me!
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Friday, September 24, 2010
"Painfully awkward and pointless" and "SCREAMINGLY FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" (JPOD, who will say these things), ERIC SEVAREID laid a BIG EGG before Congress, and some twerp name Zoe laid an even bigger egg.
We could smell this stench coming, and it does not surprise us our SUPERIORS couldn't for they bathe in what they think is Chanel No. 5.
We could smell this stench coming, and it does not surprise us our SUPERIORS couldn't for they bathe in what they think is Chanel No. 5.
What a day! CNN fired Jon "Ratings" Klein and BRIAN ROBBER fired -- er, JEFF ZUCKS is leaving GE BANCORP NETWORK. Maybe the Peter Principle has its Peter Principle after all.
Zucker wrote that he has not figured out his next move.
That's easy -- run another network into the ground! Pfffffffffffffffffft!
Zucker wrote that he has not figured out his next move.
That's easy -- run another network into the ground! Pfffffffffffffffffft!
Zuckerberg Overtakes Jobs And Murdoch On Forbes Rich List (Guardian)
And a few doors down on MediaBistro:
A New Era At Forbes: Staffer Calls Cover Story 'Stupefyingly Inane' (Aol / Daily Finance)
Sounds like the same old era to me.
And a few doors down on MediaBistro:
A New Era At Forbes: Staffer Calls Cover Story 'Stupefyingly Inane' (Aol / Daily Finance)
Sounds like the same old era to me.
When retiring University of Illinois at Chicago professor Bill Ayers co-wrote a book in 1973, it was dedicated in part to Sirhan Sirhan, the assassin of Robert F. Kennedy.
What goes around....
(Via -- oh well -- The Corner)
What goes around....
(Via -- oh well -- The Corner)
Thursday, September 23, 2010
No mystery man to me: the slime Jeffry Picower was in the scum Bernie Madoff's pocket -- or perhaps it was the other way around.
Slime and scum -- what's the difference except most slime and scum isn't worth BILLIONS.
Slime and scum -- what's the difference except most slime and scum isn't worth BILLIONS.
The head of HAHVAHD MUTUAL FUND'S LERNING STUB with that wonderful name of FAUST strikes a blow for hissssssssssstory, causing the junior senator from Massachusetts to unleash a well turned rhetorical blow to her solar plexus, no doubt in turn causing some of the more ENLIGHTENED types at the MUTUAL FUND'S STUB to darkly whisper of assassination, though they forget whom the junior senator succeeded.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
THE NATION'S ADPAPER, apparently having not done enough of a job with its last promo, issues a follow-up campaign for KFC.
A NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD TO BRUCE!
A NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD TO BRUCE!
Con-SER-va-tive pundits are alarmed by His Omnipotence's sextuple-fisted, muscle-building, spinach-eating, steroid-popping notion that AMERICA CAN STAND ANOTHER TERRORIST ATTACK!!!!! We think we know what Abe Lincoln II MEANT: that America has the guts to stare down its enemies. But as we've said, The Second Coming of Christ would rather not make enemies, because having enemies could mean having to fight them, and God does NOT like fighting (except the run-off-at-the-mouth political kind). And because FDR was a PROFESSOR we have to parse His every word, as when He conspicuously avoided mentioning His fellow God the other day, and so we must assume JFK said that if we take another hit, fine -- just meekly taking the hit shows how great we are. This is the ETERNAL ORATORICAL GENIUS we elected, a titan who can't let the words trip blithely off His tongue without them tripping HIM up.
Programming for Dummies: Dissastisfied, Some Wall Street Technologists Flee for Start-Up Life [SIC!!!!!]
Say that quickly ten times!
Say that quickly ten times!
PLAYER ARRESTED!!!!!
The computers were supposed to help Detroit Public Schools students compete in a high-tech world. That's until burglars broke into schools, hauled away laptops worth $158,800 and sold them as far away as the Middle East.
On Tuesday, 10 men, including a Michigan State University football player and another MSU student, were charged with participating in a crime ring that sold 104 stolen computers in seven other states, Canada and the United Arab Emirates. Internal tracking devices led officials to stolen DPS computers.
You gotta beeeee a foot-balllll HEEEEEEEEEE-ROOOOOOOOO....
Second-year player figures to earn his share of playing time at tight end!!!!! [Well, it depends on where he'll be playing.]
2009 SEASON (FRESHMAN): Named to the Big Ten All-Freshman Team by the Sporting News and Rivals.com!!!!!
HIGH SCHOOL AND PERSONAL DATA: Tom Lemming's Prep Football Report, SuperPrep and PrepStar All-American!!!!! [Heroic overemphasis added]
Who knew sports hacks are ignoramuses?
...majoring in finance.
THAT we believe.
The computers were supposed to help Detroit Public Schools students compete in a high-tech world. That's until burglars broke into schools, hauled away laptops worth $158,800 and sold them as far away as the Middle East.
On Tuesday, 10 men, including a Michigan State University football player and another MSU student, were charged with participating in a crime ring that sold 104 stolen computers in seven other states, Canada and the United Arab Emirates. Internal tracking devices led officials to stolen DPS computers.
You gotta beeeee a foot-balllll HEEEEEEEEEE-ROOOOOOOOO....
Second-year player figures to earn his share of playing time at tight end!!!!! [Well, it depends on where he'll be playing.]
2009 SEASON (FRESHMAN): Named to the Big Ten All-Freshman Team by the Sporting News and Rivals.com!!!!!
HIGH SCHOOL AND PERSONAL DATA: Tom Lemming's Prep Football Report, SuperPrep and PrepStar All-American!!!!! [Heroic overemphasis added]
Who knew sports hacks are ignoramuses?
...majoring in finance.
THAT we believe.
...an organically grown station such as EVR deftly leveraging street cred, an easy relationship with artists, and the identity of a bohemian counterculture neighborhood into a burgeoning Internet audience....
Finally! We get OUR kind of radio station!
Somebody's lobbying for no royalties. Does any "news" story not serve a covert purpose?
(Via the usual annoying AHTSJournal)
Finally! We get OUR kind of radio station!
Somebody's lobbying for no royalties. Does any "news" story not serve a covert purpose?
(Via the usual annoying AHTSJournal)
One of our favorite sites for burning money on CDs and DVDs has this on sale. We probably won't buy it -- we'd rather not see Raquel as a dental assistant however briefly because it reminds us of our teeth -- but this is yet another sign that despite all the GREATEST ARTISTIC ACHIEVEMENTS OF THE LAST QUARTER CENTURY Hollywood used to be able to do certain things better.
Did JIMMAH's one term have this many fights?
[T]he book describes a professorial president who assigned “homework” to advisers...
We sure aren't grading YOU on a curve.
...but bristled at what he saw as military commanders’ attempts to force him into a decision he was not yet comfortable with. Even after he agreed to send another 30,000 troops last winter, the Pentagon asked for another 4,500 “enablers” to support them.
The president lost his poise, according to the book. “I’M DONE DOING THIS!!!!!” he erupted.
To ensure that the Pentagon did not reinterpret his decision, Mr. Obama dictated a six-page, single-space “terms sheet” explicitly laying out his troop order and its objectives, a document included in the book’s appendix. [JIMMAH-II-LOSING-HIS-POISE overemphasis added]
Now think health care....
[T]he book describes a professorial president who assigned “homework” to advisers...
We sure aren't grading YOU on a curve.
...but bristled at what he saw as military commanders’ attempts to force him into a decision he was not yet comfortable with. Even after he agreed to send another 30,000 troops last winter, the Pentagon asked for another 4,500 “enablers” to support them.
The president lost his poise, according to the book. “I’M DONE DOING THIS!!!!!” he erupted.
To ensure that the Pentagon did not reinterpret his decision, Mr. Obama dictated a six-page, single-space “terms sheet” explicitly laying out his troop order and its objectives, a document included in the book’s appendix. [JIMMAH-II-LOSING-HIS-POISE overemphasis added]
Now think health care....
This does not compute: The cash pile called BUGMEISTERDOM is raising its dividend and borrowing money to keep its shareholders happy. Its stock is down two percent.
Or maybe it does compute given where the money comes from.
Or maybe it does compute given where the money comes from.
We wish to make it clear we deplore vandalism of public property, but when the commercials come in at FULL EARTH-SHATTERING VOLUME on these New York subway cars the proprietors can't entirely plead ignorance.
And speaking of intolerable hype, the cri-TICS ADORE THE THIRD GREATEST ARTISTIC ACHIEVEMENT OF THE LAST QUARTER CENTURY because -- it uses NINETY-YEAR-OLD RECORDINGS!
DOWN WITH NEWS HACKS!
DOWN WITH NEWS HACKS!
Huffington Snags NY Times Star!!!!!!!!!! (WaPo) [MediaBistro starring overemphasis added]
TRANSLATION: Huff 'n' Puff's using its venture-capital money. We have NEVER had a fully truthful story about Huff 'n' Puff OR Nick Dorken. No hack has EVER given us credible FACT-based information that either outfit's making money; all we've gotten are charts posted by interns on CuteLittlePinkPaper.com which they charmingly insist show Nick IS MAKING MONEY!!!!! In the absence of facts we're left with the bloviating of two megalomaniacs. We know exceedingly well how many topics are off-limits to the truth with hacks; that these two are now at the top of the list says whether our supposed leading Web news sites are healthy is none of our business.
And the fact HOWIE HAIRSHIRT wrote it is a FURTHER demerit. (We have not clicked on the link and will not click.)
TRANSLATION: Huff 'n' Puff's using its venture-capital money. We have NEVER had a fully truthful story about Huff 'n' Puff OR Nick Dorken. No hack has EVER given us credible FACT-based information that either outfit's making money; all we've gotten are charts posted by interns on CuteLittlePinkPaper.com which they charmingly insist show Nick IS MAKING MONEY!!!!! In the absence of facts we're left with the bloviating of two megalomaniacs. We know exceedingly well how many topics are off-limits to the truth with hacks; that these two are now at the top of the list says whether our supposed leading Web news sites are healthy is none of our business.
And the fact HOWIE HAIRSHIRT wrote it is a FURTHER demerit. (We have not clicked on the link and will not click.)
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Maybe this fiasco called The Commonwealth Games will make EDDIES think twice before spending zillions on THE GAMES. We doubt it.
If this anonymous typist hadn't cited THE SECOND GREATEST ARTISTIC ACHIEVEMENT OF THE PAST QUARTER-CENTURY I might have taken his/her/its bromides against "fun" in the office more seriously. And this typist is on to something. Enforced fun is as much as imposition as any autocratic doctrine, only worse as it goes so radically against human nature, and worse still if you're forced to have fun to get paid. Typist could have said that in a paragraph but then he/she/it wouldn't have fun working for THE GREATEST NEWSMAGAZINE IN THE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE.
DOWN WITH NO-BYLINES!
DOWN WITH NO-BYLINES!
Am I the only person who is perfectly uninterested (or as NEWS HACKS would say, DISINTERESTED) in the Facebook soap opera? There are only three possible outcomes: 1. Someone will get rich vastly beyond justification, 2. Someone will sue somebody for getting rich vastly beyond justification, and 3. Someone has a good chance at losing all that money when people finally learn it wasn't justified.
THE ARM-WAVING ENTHUSIAST asks a hypocritical question:
At this point in his career — 40 features in about as many years — Mr. Allen has both mastered his craft and grown indifferent to it. Does he take any pleasure in making these movies? Does he expect the audience to take any?
To which the answer must be: Why must ANY audience take pleasure in ANY movee when the whole point is to please cri-TICS and win awards? And what's the difference between THIS masterwork and those approved by ARM-WAVING ENTHUSIASTS except this one didn't meet A. O.'s approval?
At this point in his career — 40 features in about as many years — Mr. Allen has both mastered his craft and grown indifferent to it. Does he take any pleasure in making these movies? Does he expect the audience to take any?
To which the answer must be: Why must ANY audience take pleasure in ANY movee when the whole point is to please cri-TICS and win awards? And what's the difference between THIS masterwork and those approved by ARM-WAVING ENTHUSIASTS except this one didn't meet A. O.'s approval?
THE CRAINIACS DO IT AGAIN! Now they bemoan all these ad-agency types quitting their jobs. Don't forget: THERE IS MORE ADVERTISING NOW THAN EVER. Why is it suddenly rocket science to get business? THERE IS MORE ADVERTISING NOW THAN EVER. We KNOW.
Just don't anyone tell the CLIENTS.
Just don't anyone tell the CLIENTS.
Via the usual intransigent AHTSJournal:
Christie's Choice Of New CEO Surprises "In a surprising and unlikely move, auctioneer Christie's has hired, from outside, a former publishing, record company and Disney executive as its CEO. For the firm known for, literally, centuries (it was founded in 1766) of Eton-educated top managers and very little turnover, this is a huge cultural shift."
Why not? Someone realizes aging boomers will pay $20 million for comic books.
Christie's Choice Of New CEO Surprises "In a surprising and unlikely move, auctioneer Christie's has hired, from outside, a former publishing, record company and Disney executive as its CEO. For the firm known for, literally, centuries (it was founded in 1766) of Eton-educated top managers and very little turnover, this is a huge cultural shift."
Why not? Someone realizes aging boomers will pay $20 million for comic books.
WATCHDOG: O'DONNELL 'CLEARLY A CRIMINAL'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Criminal overemphasis added]
The Washington Post has variously described CREW as a "liberal watchdog group",[2] "nonprofit watchdog group",[3] "advocacy group",[4] and "nonpartisan watchdog group".[5] Roll Call reported in January 2008 that CREW files most of its complaints against members of Congress, and "all but a handful... have targeted Republicans". The article stated that CREW had issued press releases against Democrats but usually had not filed complaints against them, with the exception of Senator Mary Landrieu, a conservative Democrat.[6] ...
Melanie Sloan serves as CREW's Executive Director. Prior to starting CREW in 2003, she served as an Assistant U.S. Attorney in the District of Columbia, after having worked for Congressional Democrats John Conyers, Charles Schumer, and Joseph Biden.[15] [Link]
For the last three days (and we should have mentioned this before) we've tried getting our spanking new home-built computer running but have fought a seemingly insoluble conflict between two audio sources. (The problem is quite widespread.) We tried one solution yesterday from the EVGA site's forums but so screwed it up we just shut off our computer for the rest of the night, intent on trying again today. (This time we follow the instructions.) And so for several hours we did without a computer. It was a relaxing feeling, although we couldn't help noticing the faint twinge of withdrawal similar to what we'd feel if we kicked our Coca-Cola habit. By doing without the Web we do without people whose first intent is to grind us into the ground, be they conservatives or liberals, and this story alone proves that for all the mindless chatter about computers improving our lot forever and ever they only give us the same old bad in an industrial-strength new. I may do without the Web more often from here on out -- if I can kick that habit.
P. S. And if I fix that problem it's on to another one involving sudden random BSODs.
The Washington Post has variously described CREW as a "liberal watchdog group",[2] "nonprofit watchdog group",[3] "advocacy group",[4] and "nonpartisan watchdog group".[5] Roll Call reported in January 2008 that CREW files most of its complaints against members of Congress, and "all but a handful... have targeted Republicans". The article stated that CREW had issued press releases against Democrats but usually had not filed complaints against them, with the exception of Senator Mary Landrieu, a conservative Democrat.[6] ...
Melanie Sloan serves as CREW's Executive Director. Prior to starting CREW in 2003, she served as an Assistant U.S. Attorney in the District of Columbia, after having worked for Congressional Democrats John Conyers, Charles Schumer, and Joseph Biden.[15] [Link]
For the last three days (and we should have mentioned this before) we've tried getting our spanking new home-built computer running but have fought a seemingly insoluble conflict between two audio sources. (The problem is quite widespread.) We tried one solution yesterday from the EVGA site's forums but so screwed it up we just shut off our computer for the rest of the night, intent on trying again today. (This time we follow the instructions.) And so for several hours we did without a computer. It was a relaxing feeling, although we couldn't help noticing the faint twinge of withdrawal similar to what we'd feel if we kicked our Coca-Cola habit. By doing without the Web we do without people whose first intent is to grind us into the ground, be they conservatives or liberals, and this story alone proves that for all the mindless chatter about computers improving our lot forever and ever they only give us the same old bad in an industrial-strength new. I may do without the Web more often from here on out -- if I can kick that habit.
P. S. And if I fix that problem it's on to another one involving sudden random BSODs.
Monday, September 20, 2010
U.S. recession ended June 2009, NBER finds
DOW 3 ZILLION!!!!!!!!!!
Yet the NBER also cautioned that its findings bear no relation to the current state of the economy or represent a forecast about the future. If another downturn occurs anytime soon, the NBER said, it would constitute a separate recession.
DOW 10 ZILLION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DOW 3 ZILLION!!!!!!!!!!
Yet the NBER also cautioned that its findings bear no relation to the current state of the economy or represent a forecast about the future. If another downturn occurs anytime soon, the NBER said, it would constitute a separate recession.
DOW 10 ZILLION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wonder how many of these HOT news hacks now venturing onto the Web will like their relative obscurity? And let us not forget -- some of them are already approaching the twilights of their careers, and they may not have B. S. DEFENDER's penchant for self-promotion.
Fineman's move from a print medium to online news is a sign that The Huffington Post, which has until now heavily relied on young bloggers, is maturing.
It's also a sign it'll have to pay huge salaries to the stars, which means now Huff-'n'-Puff's REALLY going to have to fake hits. More NSFW, anyone?
(Via MediaBistro)
Fineman's move from a print medium to online news is a sign that The Huffington Post, which has until now heavily relied on young bloggers, is maturing.
It's also a sign it'll have to pay huge salaries to the stars, which means now Huff-'n'-Puff's REALLY going to have to fake hits. More NSFW, anyone?
(Via MediaBistro)
SUPERNIKKI!!!!! may think she's being SUPERSMART!!!!! by getting another dig in at JEFF ZUCKS, but SUPERNIKKIS have this way of anointing executive geniuses, and as we all know Jeff WAS a GENIUS on TODAY.
AN INSTANT CLASSIC:
CUNY to offer nation's first Master's degree in entrepreneurial journalism
Romenesko Misc.
The City University of New York Graduate School of Journalism says it's establishing the nation's most intensive program in entrepreneurial journalism with the creation of the Tow-Knight Center for Entrepreneurial Journalism and the nation's first Master of Arts degree in Entrepreneurial Journalism. Jeff Jarvis will head the center.
Read the Entire Post
Posted at 8:41 AM on Sep. 20, 2010
With his long history of pleasing his bosses B. S. DEFENDER is EXCEPTIONALLY well qualified to lead a program of ENTREPRENURIAL JERNALISM.
How 'bout KEN FELATTA and LOU DOBBS as PERFESSERS? At the very least there should be an ALAN ABELSON CHAIR for DISTINGUISHED BUSINESS BS. And maybe ROGER EBERT and DICK CORLISS could teach classes in SHOW-BIZ ENTREPRENEURIALISM?
And the FOUNDING DEAN STEPHEN SHEPARD edited BizWeek. Was that in the days it proclaimed THE DONALD worth $500 megazillions? Or when JOHN BYRNE first spoke the holy name of his future boss LEGENDARY WELCH? ENTREPRENEURIAL!
ALL THAT DAVOS SCHMOOZING PAID OFF!
CUNY to offer nation's first Master's degree in entrepreneurial journalism
Romenesko Misc.
The City University of New York Graduate School of Journalism says it's establishing the nation's most intensive program in entrepreneurial journalism with the creation of the Tow-Knight Center for Entrepreneurial Journalism and the nation's first Master of Arts degree in Entrepreneurial Journalism. Jeff Jarvis will head the center.
Read the Entire Post
Posted at 8:41 AM on Sep. 20, 2010
With his long history of pleasing his bosses B. S. DEFENDER is EXCEPTIONALLY well qualified to lead a program of ENTREPRENURIAL JERNALISM.
How 'bout KEN FELATTA and LOU DOBBS as PERFESSERS? At the very least there should be an ALAN ABELSON CHAIR for DISTINGUISHED BUSINESS BS. And maybe ROGER EBERT and DICK CORLISS could teach classes in SHOW-BIZ ENTREPRENEURIALISM?
And the FOUNDING DEAN STEPHEN SHEPARD edited BizWeek. Was that in the days it proclaimed THE DONALD worth $500 megazillions? Or when JOHN BYRNE first spoke the holy name of his future boss LEGENDARY WELCH? ENTREPRENEURIAL!
ALL THAT DAVOS SCHMOOZING PAID OFF!
