Eugene David<br>...The One-Minute Pundit

Posted 8:30 AM by Gene

ANNOYING: Not for the first time this week, the local news hacks have announced how CONFLICTED we should feel when the IGGLES win the Super Bowl. Let's see you do that then; the DOGS will never have existed. Already StinkyInky Media Co. has readied the 200 special sections. This is the toy-department-of-JERNALISM equivalent of HOWIE HAIRSHIRT, and it stinks like a pile of dead fighting pit bulls.

Posted 8:24 AM by Gene

...Daniel Boone, Twelve O'Clock High, Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea, Lost in Space, The Green Hornet, The Ghost & Mrs. Muir, Land of the Giants and Room 222....

It's a measure of this platinum age of show-biz that William Self's résumé looks so impressive -- and we haven't mentioned Batman, Peyton Place and M*A*S*H. In their day derided as time-filling bubblegum, as most of these shows were, now they look almost like genius, a tribute to the genius of our time. Will any similarly busy TV producer of today elicit anything but shrugs and "What was that"?

P. S. SUPERNIKKI!!!!! says he was "a great guy", and though we're loath to ever believe her for once we will.

Posted 8:20 AM by Gene

The cable monopolies respond to cord cutting with crippled low-end service. This will not stop the loss of subscribers, or the contempt from the turnips squeezed for their monthly cable bill.

Posted 7:58 PM by Gene

NOT ARCHDaily!

Baltimore, aka Inner Harbor and a ghetto, brings back B of the Bang!

Posted 7:00 PM by Gene

Speaking of HARVEY WHINER, we were ignorant of THIS BIG FAT PUBLICITY STUNT until Yahoo! had to tell us. Such outrages will be manufactured, fake, hypocritical, purest Kabuki as long as we're content with a million abortions and shoot-'em-ups in the ghetto.

Sorry to have obsessed so much over show-biz, but the PR types in and out of the news biz were full of it today.

Posted 6:34 PM by Gene

Sorry Dan, you con-SER-va-tives can scweam and cwy all you want, but BABS has you in a pickle. Look, we know she's posturing -- that's her middle name -- but your side wants the Bush "tax-cut" extension only for your friends the hyperrich, for whom it was intended. We want to see your guys explain in as many euphemisms as possible why trickle down's good, why redistributing wealth to the hyperrich is good, why unchecked buying and merging and trading is good, the whole nine yards -- because that's what your side endorsed for so long, and that's why it got shellacked in two successive Congressional elections, and that's why it's ON PROBATION.

Posted 5:59 PM by Gene

Meantime the Trent Lotts presented whoever's running that FBI office on 1600 Eye St. NW a big pre-Christmas gift -- an anti-piracy act the Feds can no doubt turn into the body scanner of the Web. Tragically the House hasn't taken up the piece of -- LEGISLATION, and certainly won't in the lame-duck session. Somewhere, ST. JACK OF VALENTI cries -- acid rain.

And IF Mr. Bewkes did this on purpose we should definitely apply Mary McCarthy's line to HIM.

Posted 3:55 PM by Gene

I imagine con-SER-va-tives are screaming, but why would Dubya's tax cuts have helped economic growth -- except among the hyperrich? They weren't supposed to.

(Via Seeking Alpha)

Posted 3:42 PM by Gene

We were about to say we're on the WHINER BROTHERS' side this time except they're famous for their publicity machine, and they are certainly not for courage. We'd hope, however, if they're not just engaged in another ad campaign they'd take this outside Encino and ruin JACK'S BOTULISM-LADEN ALPHABET SOUP once and for all. We suspect they'll prove us wrong and themselves as total cynics.

In the meantime, we have some priceless quotes. Perhaps none is more entertaining than Fields' statement in Thursday's release that the MPAA's R for Hooper "violates The Weinstein Company’s right to freedom of speech under the state and US constitution." Er...

Count us proved wrong. But what can one expect of tyrants and frauds? Harvey should have starred in The Producers; he had the scum for it. Since he seems to be playing to the Congress too we can only hope someday it forces ST. JACK's as-yet-unanointed successor and that blithering idiot who runs CARA to a hearing -- and further forces them to testify UNDER OATH.

Posted 3:14 PM by Gene

Mr. Passikoff, the president of Brand Keys, a New York research company that monitors consumer perception of brands, noted that Ms. Kardashian is currently tied with Snooki at the top of its celebrity loyalty index, a survey that gauges consumer engagement with celebrities. Kourtney and Khloé Kardashian also figure in the top seven.

“There was a time when Paris Hilton topped that list, when she was the most famous person for being nothing we had ever seen,” Mr. Passikoff said. (Ms. Hilton is now in third place.) Interestingly, he noted, many consumers associate Ms. Kardashian with entrepreneurship, far more so than other celebrities. [Emphasis added]

1. NO COMMENT. 2. Your Royal Highness Pinch -- the wall. THE WALL!!!!!

(Via NEWSER!!!!!, where it's 68 percent "annoying", 14 percent "scary" and five percent "depressing")

P. S. at 7:15 p. m. Yes, we can associate KIM!!!!! with entrepreneurship -- of the BERNIE kind. A RETROACTIVE NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO ERIC! (Via HENRY HONEST!!!!!)

Posted 2:26 PM by Gene

The British Vicarage and Tea-Time Club is losing store managers!

How will it ever be able to brew the tea?

Posted 2:09 PM by Gene

Speaking of moguls, we're not sure companies like AMC are wise to push restaurants in their movee houses, as it might cause patrons to get sick; on the other hand if the food's good enough maybe the patrons will skip the movees, knowing there's no way a movee can ever be better than a meal.

Posted 1:13 PM by Gene

Mr. Bewkes, our favorite PEPE LÉ PEW-producing media mogul, tells us why He's not a media mogul:

In the old media business world, people spoke of moguls who were often self-promoting guys and undisciplined when it came to deals and the like. "We're not moguls anymore," Bewkes said later. "We're reasonable people" who try to make the right decisions.

Okay Jeff, let's compare You and Jack Warner. He was a mogul. He might have been self-promoting and undisciplined. He and his brothers brought sound to the movies. His studio also produced Casablanca, something You couldn't do in a million years. Or let's compare You and Henry Luce. Okay, we grant we don't like Luce. He was a tyrant and a news-slanter. ("They saw Ike, and they liked what they saw!!!!!") But he also founded a number of big magazines. You merely shuffle papers.

On the other hand, by dint of Your job You are a mogul. Despite Your essential impotence You wield more power than some heads of state. For a mogul to say He's reasonable is like Hef saying He's chaste. And any Guy who'd remake The Wizard of Oz word for word may not be making the right decisions.

Oh Jeff, given what Your Empire -- I mean, Your lemonade stand disgorges we wonder why You'd have any concerns for Your son. Or was a CONGRESSMAN in the audience?

(Via I Want Media)

Posted 9:51 AM by Gene

GM's back in the bloom of health, though the doctors and nurses tending it nearly died.

Although judging from this the doctors are still fudging its vital signs.

Posted 9:16 AM by Gene

We've changed our mind: the sooner TINA!!!!! and The Former Jesus Christ shut down or obscure or obfuscate SIDSWEEK.com the better.

Posted 9:06 AM by Gene

A conundrum: Televangelists are usually very "bottom-line oriented" when it comes to turning their flocks upside-down and shaking out their money; yet they're not so bottom-line-oriented when it comes to spending the money -- witness the Bakkers' extravagance or Rev. Schuller's need to build a huge cathedral and stock it all the time with entertainment. That they end up bankrupting themselves over a broke theology is somehow not unexpected.

Posted 8:27 AM by Gene

Speaking of leeches, we can guess Deval's response to this GE BANCORP blackmail: "Oh please, pretty please Jeffrey, don't take our jobs away! We promise to do anything and everything for you! We'll give you all the money from our budget for the next ten years if it would help! Please, PRETTY please Jeff, DON'T TAKE OUR JOBS AWAY!!!!!"

Posted 8:24 AM by Gene

We really had to GUESS this: A liberal think tank is courageously accusing the Cesspool on the Pacific of sucking up $1.5 billion in state tax subsidies to produce its junk. Needless to say the money benefits no one but the junk producers. Further needless to say the St. Jack of Valenti Memorial Society is showing that it, like other lobbying groups, reserves its right to be tone deaf. Can anyone doubt these subsidies are another taxpayer giveaway, another excuse to create more taxpayer teats for more pigs?

Posted 9:16 PM by Gene

Really?

Posted 8:57 PM by Gene

Dubya got one too!

Is somebody running for president?

P. S. We should know better than to trust Mort Zuck; the Daily Nooz corrected itself -- PAPA's getting the award. Well, somebody's not running for President. Given how kindly we treat PAPA has it ever gone to his head to run for another term?

Posted 5:43 PM by Gene

But Morrison's own attorney, Bob Josefsberg, said there was some very believeable testimony that the singer did expose himself.

"There were credible witnesses and an honorable jury," Josefsberg said. "This wasn't some kangaroo court that in the old South lynched someone without any evidence. This was a fair trial."

Hey Chuck, CHUCK -- you lost the election. There's no need to toady to news hacks anymore.

Some of those urging Crist not to grant the pardon pointed out that Morrison, had he been convicted today, would be put on a sex offenders list, especially since he exposed himself to minors.

"Do you consider a sexual predator designation so low on the ladder of crimes that he should receive a pardon?" Alyce Burke asked in an e-mail. "Quite a strong statement to be made by you while the state and the country battle with sexual predators."

Can't you go QUIETLY into lobbying, Chuck?

Posted 5:33 PM by Gene

ARCHDaily!

Where's Ren and Stimpy to go along with it?

Posted 5:30 PM by Gene

Sarah Palin Says She Could Beat Obama

TRANSLATION: SARAH!!!!! is to the Dems what BABS!!!!! is to the GOP.

Posted 5:24 PM by Gene

Though operators blame the economy and high unemployment, Ian Olgeirson, senior analyst at SNL Kagan believes other factors are at play. "It is becoming increasingly difficult to dismiss the impact of over-the-top substitution on video subscriber performance, particularly after seeing declines during the period of the year that tends to produce the largest subscriber gains due to seasonal shifts back to television viewing and subscription packages," Olgeirson said.

The DO-NOT-CALL LAW did NOT work for newspapers, and it WON'T work for CABLE.

Posted 5:07 PM by Gene

Obama to honor Buffett with medal of freedom [SIC]

...for being a Democrat who made a lot of money by investing in 1965!

BRKA and BRKB DOWN today! PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!

Posted 2:11 PM by Gene

Bill Gates Wants to Build a Nuclear Reactor

NO COMMENT!!!!!

Posted 2:08 PM by Gene

ANOTHER reality-show campaign?

CNBC happens to be airing a Donald Trump special tonight, so of course this is a nice bit of pre-show hype.

Of course!

Posted 8:54 AM by Gene

Just what we need, self-adoring loudmouths -- a reality show about campaigning for the White House. That's what it will amount to.

We're guessing the two bozos are looking for a producer. How about this guy?

(Via NEWSER!!!!!)

Posted 8:38 AM by Gene

DC COMICS PICTURES is doing THE MAN FROM U.N.C.L.E. -- and "A LIVE-ACTION REMAKE" (SIC!) OF THE WIZARD OF OZ!!!!!

WHEN DOES PEPE LÉ PEW COME OUT, STINKER?

Posted 5:16 PM by Gene

Woebegone cities like Detroit might start to come back if -- if -- government realizes jobs must come from business, not from government. And only business could reclaim all the newly freed-up land otherwise doomed to urban "farming" and wilderness for people who preen. But most cities will remain quarantines for poor people, with all the ills and unions and pressure groups attendant thereto; and even the most resourceful and insightful businesses may not get up the strength and mass needed to overcome that. Regardless as FDR said, "The country needs and, unless I mistake its temper, the country demands bold, persistent experimentation. It is common sense to take a method and try it: If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something." Never was this truer than with the cities.

Posted 5:10 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: Black Friday is a sweepstakes, and most shoppers lose.

Posted 11:43 AM by Gene

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!! Recently we mentioned BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZ' attempt to immortalize himself with The Great Gatsby, and now the casting's public: AUDREY HEPBURN II is playing Daisy. NO NO NO NO NO!!!!! It's far worse than Mia Farrow, who at least was cute once. Where do these hacks get the unbudgeable idea she's attractive? For Daisy to sweep James Gatz off his feet she must be ultraspectacular. That she's something of an airhead does not at all detract from that. Would he even notice Audrey at one of his wild parties? She'd be the wallflower. And Leonardo's playing James. NO NO NO NO NO!!!!! The only person who could ever have played him was the young Bing Crosby. Think I'm wrong? In his early years he was agreeably flippant and lighter than air, a go-getting optimist with a ready smile, and enigmatic too, just like Gatz. (Being every man's pal and every woman's lover would not hurt.) Leonardo merely looks effete. He also looks dull, and Gatz was not dull. SPIDER-MAN's playing Nick, which means no matter how good he is he's still SPIDER-MAN. No mention of who's playing Daisy's husband Tom, which suggests BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZ is ready to screw up big time -- to the sound of ooohs and aaahs from the Gang of 27, and the usual rave reviews.

Which raises another thing: Gatsby's famous for its elusive, sideways understatement. Is this quite the right property for the creator of MOULIN ROUGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?

P. S. For what it's worth, Warner Baxter, who played the title role in the lost 1926 silent version, doesn't look like him either. Neither did Alan Ladd. Robert Redford was closer but I think he's missing a certain spunk, although he might have worked quite well as the sardonic Nick.

Come to think of it, the young Fred Astaire could have played Jay Gatsby too -- with the advantage of dancing feet.

Posted 10:26 AM by Gene

Youths lost to violence often in city's supervision

We may wonder, with even the best run and most well-meaning of governments, whether there can be anything like supervision.

Posted 10:00 AM by Gene

While China manufactures everything, we make Zyngas.

And how did SharesPost, Inc. become the Mother Goose of finance?

Posted 9:39 AM by Gene

Yes, we noticed that last night an ex-con rather brutally beat an over-the-hill jock vastly remunerated by an idiot owner solely for his reputation, but we're nonetheless sure the ex-con will not be fully rehabilitated until he garnishes endorsements, and the FLASHER OF THE NFL has made that prospect even less likely.

Posted 9:12 AM by Gene

And in another exercise in nostalgia, we see newsmen are once again blaming the continuing and exceptionally justified decline of the news biz on everything but themselves. Ad revenues down, check; newsprint up, check; too much debt, check -- the only thing missing is the DO-NOT-CALL LAW. Of course it has nothing to do with the PRODUCT, an increasingly hard-to-take concoction whose smell emanates even through the Web sites (which are also holding things down); it clearly has nothing to do with, say, devoting twenty-seven typists to show-biz and five to the Congress. No, so long as the hacks are in denial we too should be in denial -- of our money, for their product.

(Via MediaBistro)

Posted 9:09 AM by Gene

For now, at least, we can forget the many years people have made increasing fun of British royalty, and think once again, however briefly, that they somehow are better than we mere mortals.

P. S. at 11:05 p. m. Although we suspect after BIGMEDIA are through with their hundred million hours of coverage this may well be an argument against marriage.

Posted 7:01 PM by Gene

We really must do to Playbill.com what we do to ARCHDaily! Today it ran a revolting plug for this new Branson East theme park How to Succeed in Hogwarts Without Really Trying, and of course the first thing that must come to the mind of anyone who isn't a giddy teen or the expense-account jerks or blue-rinsers who attend the parks is, CAN HE SING? We can guess the answer because its producers (who include Two Left Feet Productions [!!!!!]) have signed a new ORCHESTRATOR and ARRANGER, and we know what that means -- in this case, taking the wrecking ball to this most brilliant and brilliantly scored of scores. With luck it will come down like that smokestack in Ohio.

P. S. Once again, the wonders of the Web:

Q. Can Daniel Radcliffe sing or play any instrument?

A. Daniel Radcliffe is a fan of punk and indie rock. He plays the bass guitar. ChaCha!

With two left feet!

P. P. S.

ChaCha (http://www.chacha.com) answers who, what, when, where and why, and has emerged as the # 1 way for advertisers and marketers to engage with their audience of choice. Through its unique "ask-a-smart-friend" platform, ChaCha has answered nearly one billion questions since launch from more than 21 million unique users per month via SMS text (242-242™), online (http://www.chacha.com), Twitter (@chacha), Facebook app, iPhone app, Android app, and voice (1-800-2-ChaCha™). Working with major brands such as Paramount, AT&T, Palm, Johnson & Johnson, P&G, Coca-Cola, McDonald's, Sonic, and presidential political campaigns, ChaCha.com is one of the fastest growing mobile and online publishers, according to Nielsen and Quantcast.

ChaCha was co-founded by proven innovator and entrepreneur Scott Jones and is funded by VantagePoint Venture Partners; Rho Ventures; Bezos Expeditions; Morton Meyerson, former President and Vice Chairman of EDS as well as Chairman and CEO of Perot Systems; Rod Canion, founding CEO of Compaq Computer; the Simon family; and Jack Gill, Silicon Valley venture capitalist.

Which would be more appropriate: this or this?

Posted 6:20 PM by Gene

ARCHDaily!

No matter how you slice it and dice, it, it's still a parking garage in disguise.

Cleveland, not content to put a mausoleum on the lake, now must put a black box in its downtown.

Are those folks still mourning their deposed king?

Posted 6:15 PM by Gene

The Crainiacs deposited something in my in-box:

The ME* Conference - GE, Kraft, ESPN, Time Inc, McCann Worldgroup and More

Yes, who better to hold a ME conference than those first four and an ad agency?

AND it's sponsored in part by SUMNER and The Econowiz! Perfect!

Posted 5:58 PM by Gene

One must ask: What if the public hadn't temporarily lost its senses in 2008 and, unlikely and unpleasant though it would have been, elected a Republican Congress?

Posted 5:42 PM by Gene

When it comes to SARAH!!!!!, even con-SER-va-tives must concede defeat:

To my mind, the comparison with Ronald Reagan's acting career doesn't really hold up. Reagan was an actor who left Hollywood and went into politics. For the analogy to work, Reagan would have had to have resigned the California governorship, then appeared in Bedtime for Bonzo, and then run for president.

Posted 5:40 PM by Gene

The soap opera called CHOLLY can be defined in two words:

1. Hubris.

2. GUILTY.

Posted 5:38 PM by Gene

Staggering news at the Cesspool of the Pacific:

Only 3 Animated Movies to Get Oscar Nominations

Posted 3:20 PM by Gene

I have too often said USAOKAY!!!!! spends disproportionate resources "covering" show biz -- and this ROMY link proves it.

Twenty-seven show-biz publicists versus FIVE covering Congress and FIVE covering the economy. IDIOTS!

A NEUHARTHISM FOR ALL TIME AWARD TO USAOKAY!!!!!

Posted 6:25 PM by Gene

If it's Sunday it must be Big Double-A-Scribble Time:

1. Here is a mystery: Why would BUD charge more to BUD? And why wouldn't INBEV-Anheuser-Busch pay whatever it can to get its executives in the luxury boxes and especially so they could boast to the clerks for three months that I WAS AT THE WORLD SERIES AND YOU WEREN'T!!!!!?

Or maybe even INBEV-Anheuser-Busch can realize that SELIGISM doesn't pull quite the ratings it used to? Yes, is -- a puzzlement.

2. SLIME wants to compete with the KAPLAN, INC. division of KAPLAN, INC.?!? Didn't He already burn money on the new big thing called MySpace?

3. "More than ever, we're focusing on contemporizing and making our iconic brands more relevant to today's consumers," said Dana Anderson, senior VP-marketing strategy and communications.

TRANSLATION: More than ever, Kraft Foods wants to waste Its turnips' wages on JUNK TELEVISION.

4. The bad news: The Republicans will try to underfund the FDA.

The good news: Between that and the GOP's caveat-emptorism it's time for Big Pharma to par-TYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 11:30 AM by Gene

It's official: God wants His throne for at least four more years.

Posted 11:11 AM by Gene

ARCHDaily!

A NEAR TRAGEDY IN LOUISVILLE: A team of STARCHITECTS was all ready to put up this masterpiece of toy blocks on the city's waterfront -- but then just as with THE DRILL BIT ON THE LAKE, the Babbitts financing it ran out of money, and the citizens of that burg could only dream of the great and noble edifice lost forever, except to the denizens of sites like ARCHDaily! Thankfully the local EDDIE!!!!!s, sensing the need to boost CIVIC PRIDE, applied for STIMULUS MONEY, and with luck in another ten years the locals will be demanding this nationally acclaimed eyesore be torn down, perhaps requiring more tax money.

Posted 10:36 AM by Gene

PATRIOTIC GORE, seething with undisguised envy at how LIAR LIAR BROCK spent tens of thousands of his Boss's GEORGE!!!!!'s money on a meeting with SLIME, evens the score by alleging NINE-TENTHS OF CNN'S GUESTS ARE LIBERAL!!!!!!!!!!, or whatever number he needs to excite PILLHEAD!!!!! with. The problem is, PAT (pronounced PATE, as in empty), every time YOU open your mouth, and any time LIAR opens his, you make us wish an angry mob could grab BOTH of you by the scruffs of your chicken necks and permanently SUTURE them.

A PLAGUE O' BOTH YOUR HOUSES!

Posted 10:10 AM by Gene

LIGHTS! CAMERA!! RENDELLISM!!!!! Lately, if you've skimmed The Wrap.com's weekend box-office stories, you may have noticed a curious phrase: "after tax credits". This means, in one form or another, we the taxpayers are helping to finance rotten movees. A core tenet of RENDELLISM is that civic pride is a good, and that one way of boosting it is throwing tax dollars at location movee shoots and hoping some spare nickels and dimes roll back to us. EDDIE!!!!!, who can never get enough face time in the mirror and is about to enter a long and loud career in show-biz, is, needless to say, giddy about the prospects of burning money on masterworks like The Last Airbender, and creating thousands more high-paying jobs in foodservice -- or as this comment notes regarding a new Burbank on our suburban fringe, "I keep hearing about all these jobs the studio is creating but can't find word one about them (save Aramark jobs) on the web and NO response from Sun Center Studios....anyone else have better luck?" (Link added.) Well all we can say is keep trying, and if you can't get that richly remunerative job as an extra on a commercial someday Sun Center WILL shine on you -- for catering help!

Unfortunately the Commonwealth's new governor has taken lessons from Chris, which means with luck he'll slash and burn this tax giveaway.

And for her breathless hyperbole following a long and distinguished career of never finding a movee she didn't like, A NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD TO CARRIE!