Posted 6:09 PM by Gene

Elsewhere in the Big Double-A Scribble:

"A promotion that gets people to throw things at the TV -- unique," said Greg Wilson, creative director at Detroit agency Driven Communications.

Now we understand why PEOPLE WARNER gave up on the WEATHER CHANNEL -- too many splotches on the screen.

Posted 6:08 PM by Gene

Somehow conducting a poll to say the NBA is rigged may not be the most credible thing to do, but that doesn't negate its credibility.

Posted 5:10 PM by Gene

"Tiny Tim." Stay classy, Huffies.

And did THEY know he would die so suddenly? Or are you upset that anyone would have DARED criticize the beloved St. Timothy, even beforehand?

I am SICK of this veneration en masse, but those who harbor skeptical thoughts will gain their revenge when this revered force of truth becomes history's footnote, as he will.

And here waft the first tendrils of RUMBLE RUMBLE RUMBLE, MUTINY MUTINY MUTINY.

I am restoring my previously deleted post.

P. S. And HERE and HERE and HERE and HERE.

Posted 10:27 AM by Gene

Meantime we noted this story in -- aptly enough -- the MESS:

'Lucky' girl hit by lightning, then wins lottery

We are happy for the young woman, nevertheless (and I hate to obsess over this) it reminds me of Third Coming: He was struck by some sort of political lightning, then won a lottery and became our Chief Scorekeeper. This is why I despise our ruling superiors -- they got where they are by luck, or conniving, and almost never from merit, and to the last person lack the saving grace of humility to realize how tenuous their happiness is.

Posted 10:19 AM by Gene

The Chief Scorekeeper. Here is another reason the death of the Third Coming of Christ rankles. We had this Chief Scorekeeper who arbitrarily decided Hillary was finished. At the time people criticized Him for deciding the election. Now these same people, who are suck-ups at heart, have collapsed in a pile of grief. Our politics stinks because news hacks must anoint Chief Scorekeepers, and many others whose love of country and the people is in serious doubt. The nationwide paroxysm of anguish proves yet again our superiors have no connection with the peons, and have no reason to connect.

And doesn't the term Chief Scorekeeper have the vague odor of the Mafia, and of desperados notching their guns?

Happily the international press has come to a different conclusion -- it seems hardly to have reported on the earth-shattering loss at all.

Posted 10:18 AM by Gene

McCain & Powell? How about Obama & Powell?

How about it, Colin? Why not this one chance to stick it to -- to serve your country.

Posted 9:10 PM by Gene

After trying to read 16,000 comments on the Times' Web site praising Tim which caused my computer to freeze I decided to at least temporarily remove my post. Everyone says he had uncommon kindness and decency. Had I known the man I'd have done so too. It's just that I get so cranky when 5 million people say the same thing, and the Times calls him a "towering" figure as though he were John Peter Zenger or Joseph Pulitzer -- or Adolph Ochs, and this is the guy who unelected Hillary, and he was buddy-buddies with Drunken Slob until it got inconvenient, and he was a central part of a news culture that grows ever more dysfunctional, and it's hard for me to find kindness and decency in a system now the definition of unkind and indecent, a system so rank it would perfume the sweetest rose with a skunk smell. And I believe we should cut public figures no slack. Police officers and firefighters and soldiers put their lives on the line for low pay. All the broadcast news hack does is put his mouth on the line for millions, and his foot in his mouth for more, and such is the business's amnesia his cumulative faults vanish even as we're stuck with the ever-aggregating burden of their memory. So all right, Timmy was the salt of the earth, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa, but that doesn't mean we forget his business forever pours salt in our psychic wounds. And I hope this is the last I have to write about this.

And yes, I believe Little Jeffy and Jeff Zucks will replace him with the Tantrum Twin because he too has a big booming voice.

P. S. As might be expected The Wiki's Tim bio is far longer than the other preceding greats', a clear sign its Achilles heel is the now, and that will be its downfall.

P. P. S. Sixteen months ago Anna died, and the jernalistic overkill is now just one more chain in the news biz' long line of embarrassed silences. Her Wiki bio is longer than Tim's. Someday the site will resemble the loose-leaf supplements in the Book of Knowledge. The VITAPHONE!

Posted 4:37 PM by Gene

How often can print rags do stories touting the same old "WORLD'S MOST INFLUENTIAL BLOGS" over and over again?

As often as they like.

(Via IWantMedia)

Posted 3:36 PM by Gene

Stunning news: Tim Russert has died of a heart attack (although not entirely unexpected with his type-A interviewing.) Are Little Jeffy and Jeff Zucks tone deaf enough to promote one of the TANTRUM TWINS to his post?

(Via NYTimes.com via Marketwatch.com; link at 3:47 p.m.)

P. S. One hates to talk in this manner but if I'm to judge from two Corner gasps (both from extremely profitable writers who pundit too much) this will occasion the type of uncontrolled self-parodying media mourning we last saw when the Second Coming of Christ died -- and Russert attended the funeral, which should remind us he was an insider, and part of the ruling crowd, and the ruling crowd may not always have our best interests in mind, to put it mildly.

And let us not forget it was scarcely a month ago when Russert unelected Hillary.

In other words, by tomorrow afternoon we'll be mad as hell again.

P. P. S. "A TOWERING FIGURE IN AMERICAN JOURNALISM." A half hour and already it's entered the hagiography phase.

("TOWERING" has since given way on the Times' home page to "prominent", suggesting even our superiors may have an inkling this could go too far.)

Posted 3:21 PM by Gene

We hope this is the correct verdict; God knows fame has stood in the way of many others.

Although it can cut both ways, as the tale of Ronald Reagan's labor secretary showed.

Posted 3:17 PM by Gene

The Jack Valenti of Mortgages had lots of friends in high places, and despite the less than optimal outcome bribery for legislation never ends.

Other participants in the V.I.P. program included former Secretary of Housing and Urban Development Alphonso Jackson, former Secretary of Health and Human Services Donna Shalala, and former U.N. ambassador and assistant Secretary of State Richard Holbrooke. Jackson was deputy H.U.D. secretary in the Bush administration when he received the loans in 2003. Shalala, who received two loans in 2002, had by then left the Clinton administration for her current position as president of the University of Miami. She is scheduled to receive a Presidential Medal of Freedom on June 19.

And a reward richly deserved!

(Via The Mess)

Posted 10:45 AM by Gene

The Irish have rejected the Treaty of PCDom -- you know, the one that would have subjected Europe to further regulations on the length of bananas and the width of potatoes, and would have made abortions legal in Ireland, despite the government's denials, meaning no doubt it was true -- so the triumph of Islam may have to wait a while.

Posted 10:31 AM by Gene

You know how TV shows have "billboards"? As in "PIECE OF CRUD! BROUGHT to YOU byyyyyyyyyy...." WELL, I propose MOVIES have billboards -- as in "MAMMA MIA! BROUGHT to YOU byyyyyyyyyy IKEA!"

Posted 8:54 AM by Gene

Another EPOCHAL example of political oratory, from the Red-Light Man:

Having tried charts, speeches and even all-nighters to protest what he sees as Republican obstructionism in the Senate, New York Democratic Sen. Charles Schumer took to quoting British songstress Amy Winehouse Thursday, hoping to drive home his message.

“It’s sort of like that song,” said Schumer speaking to reporters Tuesday afternoon, "Democrats say, 'Let’s legislate,' and [Republicans] just say, 'No, no no.'”

Winehouse — whose struggles with substance abuse caused a media firestorm — won six Grammy’s last year on the strength of her song “Rehab,” which containes the hook Schumer took such glee in repeating.

“They need rehab, I guess,” said Schumer....

I guess you need brains, Red-Light -- or maybe a dose of what makes Joe "Ask-Not" Biden such a great speaker.

Posted 8:36 AM by Gene

Col. Zell's lost his publisher at the Trib!

That's a mighty fine replica of the Titanic you bought there, Col.! Who knew it had rats?

And somebody at the Sun-Times must have been gloating; he repeated the second and third grafs -- for good measure!

(Via MediaBistro)

Posted 8:27 AM by Gene

The very Zeitgeisty very CW rag that ran the fake Hitler diaries and the fake Koran in the toilet is hiring the fake Steve Jobs.

Congratulations, JonBoy! You've won the lottery! Now can you use the proceeds to rehire the people who quit?

Posted 8:17 AM by Gene

When they are not taking the bribes that aren't bribes, our Congresspoops write vitally needed pieces of -- legislation, like this one proposing broadcasters and cable networks turn down the volume on commercials.

We've got an idea, Anna -- give the broadcasters and cable magnates a HUGE tax break for doing it!

Posted 7:55 AM by Gene

Speaking of Romy:

Media and Critics Split Over Sexism in Clinton Coverage

Wait a second! Wasn't this a case of two really super-duper-duper good guys? And how the one super-duper-duper good guy was simply more electable than the other? Seeing how we had to defend our great perk of ruling the universe we HAD to treat the other super-duper-duper good guy unfairly. Hillary can respect that -- whatever her unelectability she's still a super-duper-duper good guy, just like us. And if the coverage was unfair, well, we admit even perfect people like us may have a latent streak of racismsexismhomophobismIslamophobism -- so whip us with a wet noodle!

In short, when you think the hacks are full of it, they fill themselves with some more of it.

Posted 7:48 AM by Gene

Yahoo `Damaged Goods' After Yang Fails to Revive Microsoft Deal

And how would it have differed from the Yahoo! before the deal?

Posted 7:47 AM by Gene

Congress is still taking the bribes they don't call bribes as usual.

Posted 7:41 AM by Gene

We have learned the sad story of a pop-mu-SIC cri-TIC forced to resign when his Hearstie overlords discovered his writing was full of ectoplasm. It must be a stupid writer who can have his column ghosted; even in this day when blogging beats all, who would not want a prominent spot in a dinosaur newspaper...for pay? We'd guess the man has excuses; he was doing "translations", for one thing -- his beat was Mexican music -- and besides he sounds like just another of the species of pop-mu-SIC cri-TIC who writes all too much and thinks all too little; imagine the exemplars of the breed, geniuses like Robert "Over the" Hilburn and Jim DeRogatis. Uncovering this fool will not stop the copying and transcribing of CW that goes on all the time in pop-mu-SIC criti-CISM, one news industry creature that should go extinct.

(Revised 8:20 a.m. We thought ArtsJournal posted it first but Romy can never be denied.)

Posted 7:36 AM by Gene

We wonder that "Not-So-Smart" Alex Kozinski isn't a HERO among con-SER-va-tives. He should certainly be a HERO to MS. TRAVERS -- he is a SOUTH PARK CONSERVATIVE. "[I]ntellectual rigor, writing flourishes and an outlandish — some say boorish — personality" -- is this not THE GREATEST COMIC MASTERPIECE OF ALL TIME to the core? Now let us ponder if the LALA Times hadn't brought the proud judge's, er, fancy to the public eye. What if he had turned this into a Dreyfus case and let a pornographer go free because of his own, er, love of cows? Possibly even SOUTH PARK CONSERVATIVES would have fumed a little, but then they could have excused themselves by saying here is a great con-SER-va-tive jurist, continuing a proud tradition of patriotic American iconoclasm.

In short, con-SER-va-tives would have confirmed Judge Not-So-Smart Alex is a pervert.

Posted 7:34 AM by Gene

My mother died on Saturday, and due to my total incompetence (my answering machine was busted, and though I bought a new one three weeks ago I hadn't installed it, as I only get solicitations and wrong numbers) I only found out on Wednesday, and I'd been busy making such little preparations for the burial I hadn't the inclination to post. Though I generally do not write personal entries I will have one for the weekend.

Posted 6:44 PM by Gene

McCain Criticizes CEOs' Pay in Speech to Businesses

Gekko Kudlow hangs his head in shame.

Posted 6:03 PM by Gene

Ars Technica tweaks the cable biz -- and friends of the Republican National Committee are ANGRY!

Posted 5:39 PM by Gene

The redo of the landmark '60s TV spy spoof may ride Steve Carell's star power to major B.O., at least initially. But it's nothing you want to take off your shoe and call home about.

No, given the bowel movements THE CONSPIRACY grunts out we're more apt to do this:

Posted 5:32 PM by Gene

I'm going to India next month and I want to give this message that all religions are equal.

Alas the Pope may not want to acknowledge some religions are more equal than others.

Posted 5:29 PM by Gene

Which further inspires us: which candidate will be first with a tantrum on the campaign trail?

And why are we betting it isn't Boobs McKeating?

Posted 5:26 PM by Gene

Merrill "McTrough" McPeak, Wesley -- hey Messiah, where's George McClellan?

Posted 5:22 PM by Gene

Okay, Junior Birdmen, maybe you would feel a little grumpy, but maybe you wouldn't feel so grumpy if a few of your comrades hadn't given a sky-high taxi ride to nukes over the country.

Posted 5:20 PM by Gene

What will Kirk Kevork -- Kerkorian do with 20 million Ford shares, except what he's done with auto shares in the past: sell them?

Posted 5:12 PM by Gene

Operation Lets Muslim Women Reclaim Virginity

Presumably so they won't get beaten by their loving relatives if they prematurely lost it.

Posted 5:06 PM by Gene

People like Katie, and "Bob Costas, Jim Nantz and Phil Simms", came out today to say goodbye to Jim McKay, meaning on occasion the bigwigs can pay tribute to the good guys.

If we sound a bid acidic -- and we don't mean to -- it's that over a year ago oafs like RUMMY and Speaker Babs and half of Hollywood had a nervous breakdown over DOCTOR EVIL, and we will always remember that.

Posted 5:00 PM by Gene

General Motors Corp. is sending a "Dear John" letter to big oil.

They should have sent it sixty years ago, when the SENIOR CLUNKER BROTHER destroyed the trolley biz so it could sell more GAS GUZZLERS.

"Dear Oil," a new TV spot begins. "We've had this great relationship for many years. We think we will both be a lot happier and healthier if we see less of each other."

Of course the General isn't serious because 1. It's talking down to the public, the first clause in the charter of The American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers, and humor is the first tool to deke out your retarded customers; and 2. a bit much of its infrastructure is built on SUVs, and maybe gas prices can come down, and so...

we write another Dear John letter!

Posted 9:45 AM by Gene

AP NEWSALERT!!!!!

KRANJ, Slovenia (AP) -- President Bush says world's economies are responsible for pegging value of US dollar . [sic]

Who's have guessed, ASSPress?

Posted 6:46 PM by Gene

Also via ArtsJournal:

Brokeback Mountain to become opera

If this doesn't prove anybody can write one, nothing does.

Posted 6:45 PM by Gene

“By creating cities, we create ourselves. When we despoil our cities, we despoil ourselves. Our most cherished memories will henceforth generate the poison of regret, of irretrievable loss, even of hatred of what we prized most. We then flee from the world and from ourselves. A beautiful village, a beautiful house, a beautiful city can become a home for all, a universal home. But if we lose this aim we build our own exile here on earth.”

A eulogy not just for STARCHITECTURE but for our whole modernized and improved culture.

(Via ArtsJournal)

Posted 5:19 PM by Gene

Can exercise help prevent addiction?

This is an odd question, especially as we thought some forms of exercise (like jogging) were addictions.

Posted 5:14 PM by Gene

Why hasn't Nelson Mandela spoken out against Robert Mugabe?

As every answer to the question would be politically incorrect I suspect it best not to answer it.

Posted 5:02 PM by Gene

Is the Lord God of Stevedom starting to show cracks in His -- immortality?

Posted 5:01 PM by Gene

Saudi Arabia will call for a summit between oil producing countries and consumer states to discuss soaring energy prices, Information and Culture Minister Iyad Madani said Monday.

Anything like Congresspoops calling a hearing on speculators?

We thought so.

Posted 9:21 AM by Gene

Blazing news from the ASSPress:

Lionel Richie: I survived life with Nicole

Posted 5:22 PM by Gene

Despite what AM-NES-TY INTER-NAAAAA-TION-NAL says, this is long overdue. Policemen shouldn't have to use deadly force against mere neurotics, or other unhappy people.

Posted 5:00 PM by Gene

Of course reading such instant CW as this and this we don't know why USELESS NEWS has to be the fall guy. When media types say the weekly newsrag is obsolete they're really saying it's as necessary as ever but it needs a different "platform". We say so long as it's selling cultural trends it likes and show-biz properties it likes (not to mention Democratic candidates it likes and defeats in Iraq and Afghanistan it likes) we can only pray for a few needed termites.

And by the way JonBoy, slapping Danny Gross's name on a by-line isn't THAT impressive -- even at Stale.com.

Posted 3:32 PM by Gene

If it's Sunday, it must be Big Double-A Scribble Time:

1. "It's a very smart, strategic move," said Brenda White, senior VP-director of publishing activation at Starcom Worldwide...."They're really embracing change," Ms. White added, "vs. fighting or just thinking about it."

And what could Brenda be talking about? Democrats? Auto companies? How about USELESS NEWS going BI-WEEKLY?

2. Of course only Messiahs or marketing types could paint a defeat as a victory, which is why they're POURING MORE MONEY INTO JUNK TV THAN EVER.

3. Speaking of marketing types and heartburn:

Ad Age: In the Big Mac campaign launching this week, you're bringing back the chant: two all-beef patties, special sauce, etc. What's new about this?

Mr. Golden: Customers will be able to go online, create or mix their own version of the two all-beef patties jingle through MySpace. We're going to take what we believe to be the best of all of those submissions and we're actually going to put that on air for the last couple of weeks of the campaign, so the creative will have a natural, built-in freshening for the last couple of weeks of the flight.

Ad Age: Why Big Mac? Why now?

Mr. Golden: Featuring Big Mac is a natural for the brand. It's the flagship product of our brand and a large and growing category, being burgers. For me, I can't think of a better representation of the brand and the personality of the brand without having Big Mac coming to the forefront.

And this is the same Ronny who staunchly refuses to make His coupons available anywhere but through newspapers -- but then Ronny IS another of those eighty-somethings of the American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers showing he looks good in a micro-mini-skirt -- on MYSPACE.

4. And in other genius, the company Ralph Kiner calls Toh-ota is selling cars to black women with the line, "If Looks Could Kill", which may not be the smartest motto given how many blacks get murdered every year. Just what we need, Toh-ota: to turn your cars into Nike sneakers.

Posted 12:31 PM by Gene

Mayor Michael Bloomberg and ABC News made a formal offer to host the first proposed presidential town hall meeting between John McCain and Barack Obama, according to a letter being sent to both candidates Sunday.

Honorary, will you just run for a third term as you've threatened?

Posted 12:22 PM by Gene

Speaking of Anybody, the GOP no doubt thinks it can beat The Messiah with taxes. I wouldn't try that. I'd doubt most common folk have seen much improvement in their income thanks to Republican giveaways to the rich; aside from its irrelevance in a downturn people may view "taxes" as a code-word during election time. The irony is the fool Dems have loudly proclaimed they're raising taxes, and like the fool Wimp Mondale they're talking an advantage into it. The problem was, of course, Wimp Mondale wasn't holy and sexy.

Posted 9:14 AM by Gene

Such is the decrepit state of Republicans that the Democrats can run Anybody against them, and Anybody will win.