THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
Blogroll Me!
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Saturday, July 24, 2004
Awwwwwwwwww, po ittle Mike is mad cause dey won't wet him pway at the convention, awwwwwwwwwww.
Don't worry Mike, there's always the BA'ATH PARTY.
Don't worry Mike, there's always the BA'ATH PARTY.
This fall, the Nickelodeon network will go off the air for three hours one Saturday and urge its young viewers to play instead.
Just like the home-shopping channels shut down for Christmas.
Just like the home-shopping channels shut down for Christmas.
One other thing: the head of the Blogrolling Trust and his faithful sidekick STERNO have gushed about how BLOGGERS will bring some sort of NEW DIMENSION to the infomercials. Yeah. They'll get to see just like other news hacks tons of people in funny-looking clothes saying stupid things, and they'll know first-hand what melting from boredom in a FROZEN ZONE is like, and they too can write tons of placeholding malarkey about having to listen to tons of people in funny-looking clothes saying stupid things while melting from boredom in a FROZEN ZONE.
WHAT THE INFOMERCIALS ARE FOR:
DNC Media Availability
BOSTON, July 24 /PRNewswire/ -- Frank Szollosi, 32, a DNC Platform Committeeman & Toledo City Councilman arrived in Boston Friday for a week of baseball & politics surrounding the Democratic National Convention.
Szollosi is available to provide on-site analysis on the battleground state of Ohio from Friday 7/23 through Friday 7/30 in Boston.
As a member of the DNC Platform Committee, Szollosi successfully fought for platform language to address the theme of balancing rights and responsibilities as Americans, as well as language that expresses Democrats' commitment to eliminating hunger. He plans on lobbying Democratic leaders for additional Homeland Security money for cities -- to help prepare our local heroes: fire fighters, police and emergency responders.
As a third generation Democratic politician, Szollosi brings Presidential campaign experience with him to Boston. In 2000 he served as the Gore/Lieberman -- Ohio Coordinated Campaign NW OH Field Director. In 1996 he served on the Clinton-Gore Media Team at Squier, Knapp, Ochs Communications on Capitol Hill. In 1992 he led George Washington University Students for Clinton to campaign during the fabled '92 NH primary. He also brings gov't experience from work in the Clinton White House, Ohio Statehouse, and as a Press Secretary for Congresswoman Marcy Kaptur.
Leaving behind the world famous Toledo Mud Hens for a few days, Szollosi will be at Fenway Park for the Red Sox-Yankees series.
DNC Media Availability
BOSTON, July 24 /PRNewswire/ -- Frank Szollosi, 32, a DNC Platform Committeeman & Toledo City Councilman arrived in Boston Friday for a week of baseball & politics surrounding the Democratic National Convention.
Szollosi is available to provide on-site analysis on the battleground state of Ohio from Friday 7/23 through Friday 7/30 in Boston.
As a member of the DNC Platform Committee, Szollosi successfully fought for platform language to address the theme of balancing rights and responsibilities as Americans, as well as language that expresses Democrats' commitment to eliminating hunger. He plans on lobbying Democratic leaders for additional Homeland Security money for cities -- to help prepare our local heroes: fire fighters, police and emergency responders.
As a third generation Democratic politician, Szollosi brings Presidential campaign experience with him to Boston. In 2000 he served as the Gore/Lieberman -- Ohio Coordinated Campaign NW OH Field Director. In 1996 he served on the Clinton-Gore Media Team at Squier, Knapp, Ochs Communications on Capitol Hill. In 1992 he led George Washington University Students for Clinton to campaign during the fabled '92 NH primary. He also brings gov't experience from work in the Clinton White House, Ohio Statehouse, and as a Press Secretary for Congresswoman Marcy Kaptur.
Leaving behind the world famous Toledo Mud Hens for a few days, Szollosi will be at Fenway Park for the Red Sox-Yankees series.
These games are about DOPING, these games are about ADVERTISING, these games are about BOONDOGGLING, these games are about SPYING.
Does anyone other than the news hacks who will plug THE GAMES to death believe they're about SPORT?
Does anyone other than the news hacks who will plug THE GAMES to death believe they're about SPORT?
Gridlock AND bankruptcy! You can do it! It's up to YEEEEEWWWWWWW, NOOOOOOOO, YAWWWWWWWWWK, NOOOOOOOOOO, YAWWWWWWWWK!!!!!
(I hate that tune.)
(I hate that tune.)
How on Earth the universe can be taken seriously when physicists such as Stephen Hawking can rethink black holes is one of the mysteries of the cosmos.
How on Earth gobbledygook-spouting SUPEREGGHEADS like Stephen Hawking can be taken seriously is one of the mysteries of the cosmos.
How on Earth gobbledygook-spouting SUPEREGGHEADS like Stephen Hawking can be taken seriously is one of the mysteries of the cosmos.
The company that gave us Porky's and God knows what else shows it's no slouch in the battle to compete with Howie the Hair Shirt for self-serving media mea-culpas.
This is why I don't trust FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!News -- NOT because it's con-SER-va-tive.
Errrrr, THIS TOO.
This is why I don't trust FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!News -- NOT because it's con-SER-va-tive.
Errrrr, THIS TOO.
Looks like "Whata" Burglar made them install cameras in the changing rooms.
Really, they should use anti-shoplifting tags. (NOT KIDDING.)
Really, they should use anti-shoplifting tags. (NOT KIDDING.)
Here's an idea: in 2008 the cities that "win" the infomercials should be shut down completely. Mass relocations would be an excellent idea.
NO MORE INFOMERCIALS!!!!!
NO MORE INFOMERCIALS!!!!!
"Listen," he says, "the reason I get so much media for a [bleep] that don't sing is because of my integrity."
And the lack thereof from MEDIA.
And the lack thereof from MEDIA.
45% say Kerry should quit seat, poll indicates
A Republican poll. NewsMax!!!!!!!!!! should link to it.
You must see the Boston.com slide show (I can't link to that) which so eloquently states why holding these quadrennial infomercials (conventions) makes no sense.
A Republican poll. NewsMax!!!!!!!!!! should link to it.
You must see the Boston.com slide show (I can't link to that) which so eloquently states why holding these quadrennial infomercials (conventions) makes no sense.
Friday, July 23, 2004
From the same gov that's given us cargo planes that can't fly. (CAUTION: Curley's [Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!] STOOGES at work.)
Oh! I finally learned those are "random Zappa quotes" you run on your pages! Wasn't he the HOWARD STERN OF ROCK? EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
Microsoft Corp., the world's largest software maker, said Friday it will hire as many as 7,000 employees worldwide in its current business year as it continues to expand and to fill vacant positions.
That's a lot of entomologists!
Take THAT, Kinsley.com!
That's a lot of entomologists!
Take THAT, Kinsley.com!
Looks like "THE WORLD'S GREATEST SALESMAN!!!!!" (STERNO) and "A REAL NICE GUY!!!!!" (JIM "POUND THE TABLE" CRAMER) pulled a DICKIE "DA CAPO" GRASSO on VIACON!!!!!
CONGRATULATIONS, ZONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! Now can you just FADE AWAY?
P. S. I learned by accident NOT EVERYONE'S FOND OF YOU, ZONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN.
CONGRATULATIONS, ZONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! Now can you just FADE AWAY?
P. S. I learned by accident NOT EVERYONE'S FOND OF YOU, ZONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN.
HMMMMMMMMMMMM, maybe THE EVISCERATION OF RONALD REAGAN got to the ADVERTISERS, who got to BUGGY BILL, who got him to PUT THE 'ZINE UP FOR SALE!
LET KINSLEY BE KINSLEY!
WHOOOOOOOOOOO WILLLLLLLLLL BUYYYYYYYYYYYYY?????
LET KINSLEY BE KINSLEY!
WHOOOOOOOOOOO WILLLLLLLLLL BUYYYYYYYYYYYYY?????
NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DOES IT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:
MOORE SPEECH AT DEM CONVENTION GETTING ALL THE ATTENTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He's not speaking AT the convention, he's speaking at a fringe event (although these being Dems, it isn't so fringe). Chalk another one up for CARL LIMBURGER and his DREAD TRUTH TELLERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
P.. S. In fairness, Son of Dean for President says he's speaking AT the convention also, but unless the ground under Cambridge mysteriously moves P. R. MIKE and his gang nearer the Fleet Center I don't think he'll actually speak there.
MOORE SPEECH AT DEM CONVENTION GETTING ALL THE ATTENTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He's not speaking AT the convention, he's speaking at a fringe event (although these being Dems, it isn't so fringe). Chalk another one up for CARL LIMBURGER and his DREAD TRUTH TELLERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
P.. S. In fairness, Son of Dean for President says he's speaking AT the convention also, but unless the ground under Cambridge mysteriously moves P. R. MIKE and his gang nearer the Fleet Center I don't think he'll actually speak there.
PEPSICO'S UP TO NO GOOD: The other day I was in a pizza shop when I heard a Lay's ad similar to these knocking one of our local potato-chip brands, Herr's. (I remember it because PEPSICO'S idiots ran it on a crap-dispensing piece of radio junk that used to be a classical station.) I'd bet in every corner of America PEPSICO's knocking local potato-chip brands, and using the likes of CHEAP CHANNEL and VIACON (both in billboards as well, lest we forget) to do it. (Remember too it supported Hezbollah TV, so PEPSICO's capable of anything.)
Hmm, isn't that ENRON KEN's last name?
Hmm, isn't that ENRON KEN's last name?
The Olympics essentially are a unique industry demanding specialized facilities that take up valuable real estate and are rarely used, argues Rob Baade, an economics professor at Lake Forest College.
“When it comes to town it doesn’t mesh well with the economic system you already have in place,” he said.
He dismisses economic analyses generated by bid planners, saying the benefits inevitably are overstated and many costs are overlooked. Economic forecasts omit the impact of the many people who either leave town or avoid going out during large sporting events for fear of getting caught in traffic, he pointed out. Years of construction in Athens have been more than an inconvenience for shopkeepers, some of whom have reported losing 90 percent of their business.
Yeah but if you're a CEO or a top exec at Olympics parent GE Bancorp or you own a press pass, you get a paid ten-week vacation! Isn't that what THE GAMES are about?
“When it comes to town it doesn’t mesh well with the economic system you already have in place,” he said.
He dismisses economic analyses generated by bid planners, saying the benefits inevitably are overstated and many costs are overlooked. Economic forecasts omit the impact of the many people who either leave town or avoid going out during large sporting events for fear of getting caught in traffic, he pointed out. Years of construction in Athens have been more than an inconvenience for shopkeepers, some of whom have reported losing 90 percent of their business.
Yeah but if you're a CEO or a top exec at Olympics parent GE Bancorp or you own a press pass, you get a paid ten-week vacation! Isn't that what THE GAMES are about?
The composer is — reverent pause, please — Stephen Sondheim, whose name alone causes acolytes of the American musical to bow their heads.
Hey Ben, don't you have a temple in your dwelling, like most theater ad-blurb copywriters?
Best worship someone else after this masterwork.
Hey Ben, don't you have a temple in your dwelling, like most theater ad-blurb copywriters?
Best worship someone else after this masterwork.
Thursday, July 22, 2004
HEADS:
Mayor Richard Daley on Wednesday declined to answer questions about possible irregularities in a multimillion-dollar city garbage-cart contract detailed in a front-page Tribune report.
TAILS:
But Daley lashed out at the newspaper and another Tribune Co. subsidiary, the Chicago Cubs, for what he said was their failure to disclose a June 9 incident involving a falling piece of concrete at Wrigley Field.
Mayor Richard Daley on Wednesday declined to answer questions about possible irregularities in a multimillion-dollar city garbage-cart contract detailed in a front-page Tribune report.
TAILS:
But Daley lashed out at the newspaper and another Tribune Co. subsidiary, the Chicago Cubs, for what he said was their failure to disclose a June 9 incident involving a falling piece of concrete at Wrigley Field.
ESPNCorpNetworkNews.com is an aggressively uninviting Web site, otherwise I'd have noticed far sooner this feature on the notion that a more male world is a more violent world. It sounds PC, but it makes sense. Who wants to live in a world of one sex -- except terrorists?
Spain offers poll experts to Iraq
Why not send some CHICKENS!!!!!
Does WHORVIS COMMUNICATIONS run the SPANISH government TOO?
Why not send some CHICKENS!!!!!
Does WHORVIS COMMUNICATIONS run the SPANISH government TOO?
In the name of somebody called "Allah":
Relying on the cockpit recorder and flight data, the commission said terrorist-pilot Ziad Jarrah violently rocked the jet's wings and told another hijacker to block the door. With the sounds of fighting outside the cockpit, Jarrah asked, "Is that it? Shall we finish it off?"
Another hijacker, who wasn't identified, replied, "No, not yet. When they all come, we finish it off."
Jarrah then began pitching the nose of the plane up and down to throw passengers off balance.
Seconds later, a passenger who wasn't identified yelled, "In the cockpit! If we don't, we die!" And 16 seconds afterward, another passenger yelled, "Roll it!" Investigators previously have said they believe passengers tried to use a food cart to break the cockpit door.
Jarrah said, "Allah is the greatest! Allah is the greatest!", and he asked his fellow hijacker, "Is that it? I mean, shall we put it down?"
The other hijacker answered, "Yes, put it in, and pull it down."Roughly 90 seconds later, the jet rolled onto its back and crashed into a Pennsylvania field at more than 580 mph, killing everyone aboard.
The commission concluded that the hijackers remained at the controls of the plane, "but must have judged that the passengers were only seconds from overcoming them."
The commission said the hijackers' destination was Washington. It praised the courage of the passengers and said their struggle "saved the lives of countless others, and may have saved either the Capitol or the White House from destruction."
And one hopes where the hijackers are, there is no Allah.
Relying on the cockpit recorder and flight data, the commission said terrorist-pilot Ziad Jarrah violently rocked the jet's wings and told another hijacker to block the door. With the sounds of fighting outside the cockpit, Jarrah asked, "Is that it? Shall we finish it off?"
Another hijacker, who wasn't identified, replied, "No, not yet. When they all come, we finish it off."
Jarrah then began pitching the nose of the plane up and down to throw passengers off balance.
Seconds later, a passenger who wasn't identified yelled, "In the cockpit! If we don't, we die!" And 16 seconds afterward, another passenger yelled, "Roll it!" Investigators previously have said they believe passengers tried to use a food cart to break the cockpit door.
Jarrah said, "Allah is the greatest! Allah is the greatest!", and he asked his fellow hijacker, "Is that it? I mean, shall we put it down?"
The other hijacker answered, "Yes, put it in, and pull it down."Roughly 90 seconds later, the jet rolled onto its back and crashed into a Pennsylvania field at more than 580 mph, killing everyone aboard.
The commission concluded that the hijackers remained at the controls of the plane, "but must have judged that the passengers were only seconds from overcoming them."
The commission said the hijackers' destination was Washington. It praised the courage of the passengers and said their struggle "saved the lives of countless others, and may have saved either the Capitol or the White House from destruction."
And one hopes where the hijackers are, there is no Allah.
I think this pretty well proves that old Fitzgerald saw, "The rich, they are different from you and me."
They're weirder.
They're weirder.
The NEW, VASTLY IMPROVED, PRE-IP000,000,000 G000,000,000GLEBLOGGER has MORE CONVENIENCES to MAKE YOUR BLOGGING LIFE EASIER:
1. Try to paste something into an existing post and the cursor moves -- practically anywhere it wants to!
2. Post in E-Z-BLOGGER or HTML and you get more redundant links, hiccups and googaws than even the most EXPERIENCED blogger needs!
1. Try to paste something into an existing post and the cursor moves -- practically anywhere it wants to!
2. Post in E-Z-BLOGGER or HTML and you get more redundant links, hiccups and googaws than even the most EXPERIENCED blogger needs!
"(Fill-in-the-blank) May Hurt Bush Chances" seems to have replaced QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!! as the News Hacks' Hope of the Week. Witness this hed:
Jul 9, 2004
Will Lay Indictment Be a Drag on Bush Campaign?
Lost Angeles Times
Yep, I couldn't have put it better myself.
Jul 9, 2004
Will Lay Indictment Be a Drag on Bush Campaign?
Lost Angeles Times
Yep, I couldn't have put it better myself.
ONWARD AND UPWARD WITH THE ARTS (or, More CW from BW):
"A lot of writers are to the left of the Democrats."
You said it, Jonny.
Edmund White, who's now head of Princeton University's creative writing program, was the only artist I contacted who expressed concern about the relative uniformity of political views in the American artistic community. "In France, there are many respected writers on the right," he noted when I tracked him down by e-mail. "In America or England, it would almost be impossible to be a writer on the right."
OR:
He loved Big Brother.
P. S.:
Arthur Goldberg (no relation to Whoopi), a retired New York money manager and prominent contemporary art collector, paraphrases Marshall McLuhan in explaining why artists may have some unique political insights to offer. "McLuhan said that the difference between artists and the rest of us is that we go through life looking in the rearview mirror and artists go through life looking through the windshield," Goldberg says.
Most people usually clean their windshields.
"A lot of writers are to the left of the Democrats."
You said it, Jonny.
Edmund White, who's now head of Princeton University's creative writing program, was the only artist I contacted who expressed concern about the relative uniformity of political views in the American artistic community. "In France, there are many respected writers on the right," he noted when I tracked him down by e-mail. "In America or England, it would almost be impossible to be a writer on the right."
OR:
He loved Big Brother.
P. S.:
Arthur Goldberg (no relation to Whoopi), a retired New York money manager and prominent contemporary art collector, paraphrases Marshall McLuhan in explaining why artists may have some unique political insights to offer. "McLuhan said that the difference between artists and the rest of us is that we go through life looking in the rearview mirror and artists go through life looking through the windshield," Goldberg says.
Most people usually clean their windshields.
CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES campaign, er, report that P. R. MIKE will GET OUR GUY -- whoops -- A DEMOCRAT elected PRESIDENT!
Him and who else?
Him and who else?
British Worry That Drinking Has Gotten Out of Hand
One more sign there's no substitute for an empire.
One more sign there's no substitute for an empire.
I know little of Jerry Goldsmith other than that his schtick was dissonance -- you know a Goldsmith score by the rows and rows of threatening chords; call it Music to Remake Buck Rogers By -- but his death reminds us there was a time, before movies became better than ever and their soundtracks greatest-hits anthologies, when people knew film composers by name -- Steiner, Newman, Waxman, Korngold, Rosza, Herrmann, Raksin -- and they knew them because they wrote music that stood on its own count, away from the flickering of the movie house. Thankfully the Beatles and Bob Dylan and the latest crapper ALWAYS trump that.
SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGER discovers something I posted the day before.
Think you can lend me some of your 200 billion zillion quadrillion quintillion hits, SUPE?
Think you can lend me some of your 200 billion zillion quadrillion quintillion hits, SUPE?
The ever-more-dumbed-down Beeb lends a sympathetic ear to a guy who says one of our culture's leading Marie Antoinettes has a right to demand they eat cake.
A Rhode Island lawmaker, paralyzed at a young age by a stray bullet, will introduce the son of Republican icon Ronald Reagan to the Democratic National Convention next week.
Is this a practical joke?
Is this a practical joke?
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
[A]nalysts expressed concern about eBay's near-term growth prospects abroad and worried that the stock may have peaked.
You gotta love those Wall Street sales -- analysts; here eBay's stock's gone down eighteen points in the last month and NOW they're worried it MAY have peaked.
Send in the Alka-Seltzer.
P. S. Make that twenty-two points.
You gotta love those Wall Street sales -- analysts; here eBay's stock's gone down eighteen points in the last month and NOW they're worried it MAY have peaked.
Send in the Alka-Seltzer.
P. S. Make that twenty-two points.
Why we will still see hostages in the news media: because it means bad news for the Iraq campaign; because it means QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!; because it means we can elect a DEMOCRAT TO THE WHITE HOUSE, and if we can keep it up we can keep DEMOCRATS IN THE WHITE HOUSE FOREVER. And besides, NEWS HACKS ARE A THUG'S BEST FRIEND.
Just one thing: when DIPPITY-DO! wins the White House, doesn't Iraq become HIS problem?
Just one thing: when DIPPITY-DO! wins the White House, doesn't Iraq become HIS problem?
AN OPEN LETTER TO THE MARIE ANTOINETTES OF MU-SICK:
If you want to jump up and down and stomp your feet and bare your pearly-white caps in anger and tell the world GEORGE W. BUSH IS A NAZI, fine with me. Remember this: every time you do so you flip the bird to those who may not agree with you. You think it won't hurt your careers? Whoopi would still be endorsing SlimFast if she'd just told a few mild jokes and ogled John Edwards's hair. And it may not just be yourselves you're hurting. The concert biz has seen better days; so everytime you call Michael Moore THE SAVIOR OF HUMANKIND you may well be providing fewer jobs for the roadies and ticket takers. Ah, but what are they? The scum of the earth! Well, what about the people who work for the companies responsible for your moribund recording careers? I don't mean the pimps in gold chains; they'll always have jobs. I mean the people in the replicating plants who stamp the CDs and insert the liner books and tray cards; the people in the distribution side who move your product in and out of the warehouses; the managers and clerks in the ever dwindling realm of the record stores; the conscientious newbies looking to produce great albums for the reissue labels. BMG and Sony Music say they'll fire 2,000 when they consummate their merger. Want to add to that head count? Keep talking!
I really don't think you give two hoots about the lowlifes who support your mammoth egos; they're someone to scream at when they give you twenty bottles of Perrier backstage instead of the contractually-agreed-upon 32. But lowlifes have lives too -- not so gilded as yours, but they have families to support, and mortgages to pay off, and tuitions to finance, and you raging Marie Antoinettes don't help their cause one iota when you tell a vast chunk of your audience, STOP ATTENDING MY CONCERTS AND STOP BUYING MY RECORDS. They will do so -- and who knows, one day it may finally catch up to YOU.
If you want to jump up and down and stomp your feet and bare your pearly-white caps in anger and tell the world GEORGE W. BUSH IS A NAZI, fine with me. Remember this: every time you do so you flip the bird to those who may not agree with you. You think it won't hurt your careers? Whoopi would still be endorsing SlimFast if she'd just told a few mild jokes and ogled John Edwards's hair. And it may not just be yourselves you're hurting. The concert biz has seen better days; so everytime you call Michael Moore THE SAVIOR OF HUMANKIND you may well be providing fewer jobs for the roadies and ticket takers. Ah, but what are they? The scum of the earth! Well, what about the people who work for the companies responsible for your moribund recording careers? I don't mean the pimps in gold chains; they'll always have jobs. I mean the people in the replicating plants who stamp the CDs and insert the liner books and tray cards; the people in the distribution side who move your product in and out of the warehouses; the managers and clerks in the ever dwindling realm of the record stores; the conscientious newbies looking to produce great albums for the reissue labels. BMG and Sony Music say they'll fire 2,000 when they consummate their merger. Want to add to that head count? Keep talking!
I really don't think you give two hoots about the lowlifes who support your mammoth egos; they're someone to scream at when they give you twenty bottles of Perrier backstage instead of the contractually-agreed-upon 32. But lowlifes have lives too -- not so gilded as yours, but they have families to support, and mortgages to pay off, and tuitions to finance, and you raging Marie Antoinettes don't help their cause one iota when you tell a vast chunk of your audience, STOP ATTENDING MY CONCERTS AND STOP BUYING MY RECORDS. They will do so -- and who knows, one day it may finally catch up to YOU.
My friend from CollegeBoard.org is back! Listen, friend from CollegeBoard.org, if you want to use ANY quote of mine in a future SAT, you're more than welcome -- so long as I get remunerated. Do you like my blog? Please, tell a few friends about it. I'm tired of getting three or four hits a day, and being cut off from the blogging world with the flip of a psychic switch. Meantime, I'll try to think up a few more clever phrases so you'll keep coming back. I do thank you!
When you're having trouble sleeping from all the guilt feelings aroused by the money you've made as THE GREATEST DOCUMENTARIAN OF ALL TIME, P. R. MIKE, here's a story that should put you in the land of pleasant dreams:
Officials raise estimate of death toll on lower WTC floors
Officials raise estimate of death toll on lower WTC floors
Actual hed from CBS.Marketwatch.com:
10:56 U.S. will consider quotas on sock imports from China
10:56 U.S. will consider quotas on sock imports from China
WILL SANDY "WHATA" BURGLAR LOSE DIPPITY-DO! THE ELECTION?
He and the WHOOPSTER can't help.
He and the WHOOPSTER can't help.
WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWELL!! We may have to change his name to Sandy "Whata" BURGLAR!!!!!
(Sorry for the NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!)
(Sorry for the NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!)
From Oct. 28 to Nov. 15, at least one football game — major college or pro — will be televised each day. That includes Election Day.
OR:
[Knight] Commission chairman William Friday, president emeritus of the University of North Carolina, says the wall-to-wall TV proves "presidents haven't gotten ahold of the issue, which is driven by money and not academic concerns."
"The question is, is this an academic enterprise or are you running an entertainment enterprise? In these manifestations, it looks like entertainment."
Who said colleges were ever in the academic biz?
OR:
[Knight] Commission chairman William Friday, president emeritus of the University of North Carolina, says the wall-to-wall TV proves "presidents haven't gotten ahold of the issue, which is driven by money and not academic concerns."
"The question is, is this an academic enterprise or are you running an entertainment enterprise? In these manifestations, it looks like entertainment."
Who said colleges were ever in the academic biz?
Sen. Ossified Kleagle dictates a "book," and OMERTA slyly hints maybe it'll sell "1.2 million copies"!
Be careful, OMERTA, a couple of your colleagues decided to retire over just such boasting.
Be careful, OMERTA, a couple of your colleagues decided to retire over just such boasting.
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
OMERTA and Robert "Over the" Hilburn come to the aid of a TRUTH TELLER!
1. She's over the hill too, Bob; and 2.
1. She's over the hill too, Bob; and 2.
SUBWAY LAUNCHES MASSIVE CHILDHOOD OBESITY CAMPAIGN
This means they put only ONE slice of meat in now?
This means they put only ONE slice of meat in now?
Bye BYE, BERGER!
(Sorry for the NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
P. S. Favorite NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stupid Bias Moment:
Berger, as is usual in such cases, claimed he was withdrawing voluntarily.
How do you know?
P. P. S. Hey GREAT AND NOBLE SUPERDUPERGIGAMEGABLOGGER! You helped dump Whata Berger and you aren't POSTING?!?!?!?!?
(Sorry for the NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
P. S. Favorite NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stupid Bias Moment:
Berger, as is usual in such cases, claimed he was withdrawing voluntarily.
How do you know?
P. P. S. Hey GREAT AND NOBLE SUPERDUPERGIGAMEGABLOGGER! You helped dump Whata Berger and you aren't POSTING?!?!?!?!?
Poll: Protestant majority in U.S. eroding
I'm SURE Israel=apartheid South Africa=NAZI has NOTHING to do with it.
I'm SURE Israel=apartheid South Africa=NAZI has NOTHING to do with it.
Looks like the whole senior management's vamoosed from Oak Brook...'cause here comes
THE McDONALD'S® FUN TIMES ACTIVITY BOOK!!!!!
DID YOU KNOW?
The Olympic Games® started in Greece more than 2,500 years ago as a friendly competition and featured only one event -- a footrace.
They may have to consider that again.
My friends need to get to the park for their events. Can you help?
Has it been built?
Did you know? [SIC]
The 5 rings symbolizing the Olympic Games® represent the 5 major parts of the world participating -- North America, South America, Europe, Asia and Australia.
Golly gee! We thought they symbolized Coca-Cola®, John Hancock®, Kodak®, Panasonic® and MICKEY D'S®!!!!! -- the five partners of -- WHOOPS! We forgot Samsung®, Atos Origin®, Sports Illustrated®, Swatch®, Visa® and Xerox® -- the ELEVEN OFFICIAL PARTNERS OF THE OLYMPIC MOVEMENT®! (Shouldn't there be ELEVEN RINGS?)
In this summer's 28th Olympic Games® [shouldn't that be THE GAMES OF THE XXVIII OLYMPIAD®?!?!?!?], there will be 10,500 athletes from 200 countries, participating in 28 sporting events.
And half-a-million security people, 100,000 executives, 200,000 broadcasters and news hacks -- and 30 spectators.
What has 18 legs and catches flies?
A McDonald's® at 11 p.m.
Why are basketball players such messy eaters?
Because on their salaries they can afford 30 maids.
And this will pass without comment:
Ronald McD.®: Say, I don't think that's the way our events were supposed to end.
THE McDONALD'S® FUN TIMES ACTIVITY BOOK!!!!!
DID YOU KNOW?
The Olympic Games® started in Greece more than 2,500 years ago as a friendly competition and featured only one event -- a footrace.
They may have to consider that again.
My friends need to get to the park for their events. Can you help?
Has it been built?
Did you know? [SIC]
The 5 rings symbolizing the Olympic Games® represent the 5 major parts of the world participating -- North America, South America, Europe, Asia and Australia.
Golly gee! We thought they symbolized Coca-Cola®, John Hancock®, Kodak®, Panasonic® and MICKEY D'S®!!!!! -- the five partners of -- WHOOPS! We forgot Samsung®, Atos Origin®, Sports Illustrated®, Swatch®, Visa® and Xerox® -- the ELEVEN OFFICIAL PARTNERS OF THE OLYMPIC MOVEMENT®! (Shouldn't there be ELEVEN RINGS?)
In this summer's 28th Olympic Games® [shouldn't that be THE GAMES OF THE XXVIII OLYMPIAD®?!?!?!?], there will be 10,500 athletes from 200 countries, participating in 28 sporting events.
And half-a-million security people, 100,000 executives, 200,000 broadcasters and news hacks -- and 30 spectators.
What has 18 legs and catches flies?
A McDonald's® at 11 p.m.
Why are basketball players such messy eaters?
Because on their salaries they can afford 30 maids.
And this will pass without comment:
Ronald McD.®: Say, I don't think that's the way our events were supposed to end.
The Hamburglar®: Maybe not, but it sure was fun trying.
And expensive.
P. S. Contents of an actual tray liner handed out today at my local MICKEY D'S®:
Blue Cross® RiverRink™ Festival Pier at Penn's Landing
2001-2002 SEASON
OPEN THROUGH FEBRUARY 28, 2002
Get your 2 for 1 admission coupons in the McDonald's® Entertainment Value Center today!
OH oh, David Gergle says Whata Berger's not a crook.
Maybe he's not a crook, but given David Gergle's tastes, maybe he's not not a crook.
Maybe he's not a crook, but given David Gergle's tastes, maybe he's not not a crook.
Looks like I'm back to one hit a day. What gives? It's almost as if someone shuts a switch off somewhere. ANYBODY OUT THERE?!?!?
QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!! STRIKES AGAIN:
One Bombing, Many Versions
Iraqis on the Street Quick to Blame U.S.
Translation: Overpaid U.S. News Hacks Quick to Quote Iraqis on the Street Quick to Blame U. S.
At least it was on page A12 this time.
One Bombing, Many Versions
Iraqis on the Street Quick to Blame U.S.
Translation: Overpaid U.S. News Hacks Quick to Quote Iraqis on the Street Quick to Blame U. S.
At least it was on page A12 this time.
Figures:
Some observers said she was responding to protests in Manila calling for withdrawal of the troops. Also, questions have been raised about the legitimacy of her election as president in May. And an economic policy calling for higher taxes and reduced government spending made her vulnerable politically.
Question: why hasn't THE GREATEST BLOGGER OF THEM ALL mentioned this? Why is he devoting millions of words to Sandy "Whata" Berger stuffing papers down his pants?
Some observers said she was responding to protests in Manila calling for withdrawal of the troops. Also, questions have been raised about the legitimacy of her election as president in May. And an economic policy calling for higher taxes and reduced government spending made her vulnerable politically.
Question: why hasn't THE GREATEST BLOGGER OF THEM ALL mentioned this? Why is he devoting millions of words to Sandy "Whata" Berger stuffing papers down his pants?
Pa.'s Rep. Greenwood considers quitting
Quitting? Wouldn't he get better PR switching parties?
To complete the deal: he's becoming A LOBBYIST.
P. S. You can tell news hacks are happy when they start daydreaming of TAKING OVER THE HOUSE.
Quitting? Wouldn't he get better PR switching parties?
To complete the deal: he's becoming A LOBBYIST.
P. S. You can tell news hacks are happy when they start daydreaming of TAKING OVER THE HOUSE.
Ted Turner Humanizes Terrorists
Hate to say it, Dave, Ted has virtually nothing to do with "his" networks anymore.
Hate to say it, Dave, Ted has virtually nothing to do with "his" networks anymore.
Monday, July 19, 2004
A hero ain't even a SANDWICH in LALALand:
Disney executives have acknowledged they overpaid for [the ABC Family channel]. Critics, including former board vice chairman Roy E. Disney, say the deal shows Eisner's poor management skills.
Roy Disney and another former board member, Stanley Gold, approved the deal, but said they did so based on optimistic growth estimates from management.
Disney executives have acknowledged they overpaid for [the ABC Family channel]. Critics, including former board vice chairman Roy E. Disney, say the deal shows Eisner's poor management skills.
Roy Disney and another former board member, Stanley Gold, approved the deal, but said they did so based on optimistic growth estimates from management.
Looks like the American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers is going full force into a new means of financing junk television: PRODUCT PLACEMENTS.
By the way, Mm Mm Good! Gang, Garfield, the Movie was NOT a hit. Think your PRODUCT PLACEMENT had something to do with it?
By the way, Mm Mm Good! Gang, Garfield, the Movie was NOT a hit. Think your PRODUCT PLACEMENT had something to do with it?
If Not Cheney, Powell, Say Americans
Please, thinking of ONE prima-donna is enough.
By the way, "centre" is spelled CENTER. EH?
Please, thinking of ONE prima-donna is enough.
By the way, "centre" is spelled CENTER. EH?
When people migrate to the same city because they've heard the air is pure:
Philadelphia may now have cleaner air than Phoenix, according to the Environmental Protection Agency. In 2003, the EPA rated Philadelphia as having "good air quality" 52 percent of the days, compared to 45 percent for Phoenix. Among nine major cities, Minneapolis was tops at 61 percent and Chicago was lowest, at 7 percent.
Philadelphia may now have cleaner air than Phoenix, according to the Environmental Protection Agency. In 2003, the EPA rated Philadelphia as having "good air quality" 52 percent of the days, compared to 45 percent for Phoenix. Among nine major cities, Minneapolis was tops at 61 percent and Chicago was lowest, at 7 percent.
"Only in the beginning when they held a sword over my head and were threatening me. The threat was major. They never beat me. They treated me according to Islamic law."
Well HOW NICE of them.
Well HOW NICE of them.
Just because one works in show-biz doesn't necessary mean the work's interesting. And for a writer, this lady could use a little more precision in her language:
I watched the movie yesterday. It had opening credits on it, which means it's likely I got the whole thing....
She means she received a complete version of the film via FedEx, but given the double meaning of got and the way movies are these days I must be forgiven for having read it differently.
I watched the movie yesterday. It had opening credits on it, which means it's likely I got the whole thing....
She means she received a complete version of the film via FedEx, but given the double meaning of got and the way movies are these days I must be forgiven for having read it differently.
AIR AMERICA, THE LIBERAL TALK-RADIO NETWORK THAT LAUNCHED AT THE END OF MARCH ON WLIB-AM, HAS LANDED IN SECOND PLACE IN THE NEW YORK TALK ARENA, ITS 1.7 SHARE IN THE 25-TO-54 DEMOGRAPHIC BEATING RIVAL WOR’S 1.0 SHARE, ACCORDING TO THE SPRING ARBITRON REPORT!!!!!!!!!!
WOR’S HOSTS INCLUDE CONSERVATIVES BILL O’REILLY AND BOB GRANT. NYAHHHHHH NYAH-NYAH NYAHHHHHHHHHH NYAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! [Editorial comment mine; Crain's publications don't do that. News hacks do.)
This gets reported.
Why didn't you mention this, Byron?
WOR’S HOSTS INCLUDE CONSERVATIVES BILL O’REILLY AND BOB GRANT. NYAHHHHHH NYAH-NYAH NYAHHHHHHHHHH NYAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! [Editorial comment mine; Crain's publications don't do that. News hacks do.)
This gets reported.
Why didn't you mention this, Byron?
Another BRILLIANT Forbes.com Quote of the Day:
"What the public criticizes in you, cultivate. It is you."
-Jean Cocteau
This has INFINITE possibilities. Let's see: Jean Cocteau was French, so how about...arrogance, denial, haughtiness, collaborating -- good qualities to cultivate!
"What the public criticizes in you, cultivate. It is you."
-Jean Cocteau
This has INFINITE possibilities. Let's see: Jean Cocteau was French, so how about...arrogance, denial, haughtiness, collaborating -- good qualities to cultivate!
Arnold's 'girlie men' quip draws fire From Dems, of course.
Somebody at USAOKAY!'s gonna get FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRED!
Somebody at USAOKAY!'s gonna get FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRED!
CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES try to send Ah-NULT into INTERNAL EXILE for being SEXIST AND HOMOPHOBIC!!!!!!!!!!
Isn't there a place we could send CURLEY STOOGES into internal exile for being blithering incompetents?
Isn't there a place we could send CURLEY STOOGES into internal exile for being blithering incompetents?
Mark J. Penn, Clinton's pollster, maintains that the liberalism charge is still dangerous for Democrats, who he says should move aggressively to rebut the accusation. The liberal label is dynamite, he said, because for many of the 80 percent of the electorate who do not identify themselves as liberals, the word is synonymous with high taxation and naive dovishness on national security.
Is that why we rebut it so hard with our campaigning and weasel words, LENNY?
Is that why we rebut it so hard with our campaigning and weasel words, LENNY?
Sunday, July 18, 2004
ANOTHER REASON DR. EVIL WILL LIVE FOREVER: STERNO approvingly links to some geek who thinks movies will magically improve if we -- I don't know what, only it involves TECH, LOTS of TECH (and 1,430 words), and somebody being ARTISTICALLY CHALLENGED (light-gray letters on a black background) I'm not sure I should give a hoot what he says even if I could make out the words.
Besides, isn't the problem with movies today TOO MUCH TECHNOLOGY?
Besides, isn't the problem with movies today TOO MUCH TECHNOLOGY?
The ALPHABET SOUP NAZIS' BROTH causes SALMONELLA in AD-BLURB COPYWRITERS:
[DR. EVIL] custom-made the ratings system in 1968 to stave off regional censorship, and it worked. The problem is that the system is now geared to accommodating the most sensitive tastes in the country. R-rated movies with full frontal male nudity wouldn't raise an eyebrow in the above-named markets, but they'd cause fire drills and heart attacks in the South and in the other red states.
So, in New York, we're watching movies that have been tweaked to fit ratings that will keep them out of trouble in the most culturally ignorant and intolerant communities in the country. [DR. EVIL] had to do that in 1968; if he hadn't, the Catholic League of Decency and a hundred local censorship boards would have driven the Hollywood studios to bankruptcy trying to edit films to suit a multitude of standards.
Those threats are gone today. They might come back if the MPAA opened the floodgates and let films go out unrated.
BRING 'EM ON!
[DR. EVIL] custom-made the ratings system in 1968 to stave off regional censorship, and it worked. The problem is that the system is now geared to accommodating the most sensitive tastes in the country. R-rated movies with full frontal male nudity wouldn't raise an eyebrow in the above-named markets, but they'd cause fire drills and heart attacks in the South and in the other red states.
So, in New York, we're watching movies that have been tweaked to fit ratings that will keep them out of trouble in the most culturally ignorant and intolerant communities in the country. [DR. EVIL] had to do that in 1968; if he hadn't, the Catholic League of Decency and a hundred local censorship boards would have driven the Hollywood studios to bankruptcy trying to edit films to suit a multitude of standards.
Those threats are gone today. They might come back if the MPAA opened the floodgates and let films go out unrated.
BRING 'EM ON!
It's gotta be...
Kerry Urged to Denounce Dangerous Anti-GOP Tactics
New York Congressman Peter King....
NEWSMAX!!!!!
Kerry Urged to Denounce Dangerous Anti-GOP Tactics
New York Congressman Peter King....
NEWSMAX!!!!!
Well, THIS is better: The GLIBERAL gets to talk about a movie parody of TV news (a week late, but great columns take time), which means he gets to talk about TV news, which means he gets to stand before the mirror and do his best imitation of a stroke imagining the EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL of Dubya. Cute trick, Gliberal! But will it play in a circus?
Mr. Mark must have been thinking, gee, twenty-two years ago my COMPETITOR put Steve on the cover, and look what happened! Yeah. Less than a five percent market share. Now Mr. Mark puts Steve on his cover, oblivious to the fact that for all the PR relatively few people have iPods, and relatively few download to them (remember the Pepsi promotion?), and they only play MP3s, which at least one commentator has suggested are long ago obsolete. I would say history repeats itself but it always DOES in the newsrags.
Besides, Steve looks a little loony. Couldn't you have come up with a better cover, Mr. Mark?