Eugene David ...The One-Minute Pundit |
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED: I know more than you. I make lots more money than you. I'm smarter than you. I'm sexier than you. I appear on TV all the time. I work ten minutes a day. I rule the universe. I'm going to live forever. You are an idiot. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2: A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3: I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity. --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4: News isn't news when we don't report it. PERMALINKS: THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE! Blogroll Me! |
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Posted
6:42 PM
by Gene
I think we get the message, JonBoy: we must drum climate change into their dear little ears...the only problem being we can't drum it into as many dear little ears as we used to, an unfortunate consequence of rather being right. Which may explain the relative reason of what we've skimmed of this piece -- it seems to highlight the limits of drumming along with the unlimits of Mr. Internet's "flexibility" -- but then we'd rather not have to read a whole article just to figure out if KAPLAN, INC. will throw another tantrum...and so, alas, we didn't. SIXTY PERCENT, JonBoy! P. S. In addition to the newspaper, [KAPLAN, INC.] owns Kaplan Inc. [SIC] educational business [SIC], CableOne, a small cable company whose customers live mainly in the Northwest and Gulf States, six television stations and several other print and online publications, including Slate, Express and El Tiempo Latino. Hmmm -- I think we're MISSING something!
Posted
5:35 PM
by Gene
It certainly speaks to me. I don't like discussing my personal life but I've lived in a cocoon and can't escape. Though Babbitt was the last word in conventional -- he was especially conventional in his religion, attending church as everyone else did; he'd have appreciated today's mega-"churches" -- he was not quite the prototype of the Organization Man people think. No, he was Walter Mitty before James Thurber coined the name. We forget the book really deals with a sensitive man's midlife crisis: Consumed by a sudden dissatisfaction with his bourgeois ways Babbitt tries becoming a Lothario in the spirit of the Twenties, but he can't drink with pleasure, and he is much too self-conscious but to see others' faults, and it fails him. He sulks back to his miserably conventional life and his dumpy wife and not-too-bright children. And speaking of the Second Coming, he had a brief devotion to baseball. This is where Babbitt has such value; we get to see life on another planet called America. ZELIG and the greedmeisters posit a day of baseball purity to mask their foulness, but the sport was very difficult to follow in its supposed golden age; there were no night games (and no blacks), and no television or even radio -- you had to be at the game, an inconvenience at best for working people, or follow it "live" at a local newspaper. Or to quote from the salient spot: Baseball, he determined, would be an excellent hobby. "No sense a man's working his fool head off. I'm going out to the Game three times a week. Besides, fellow ought to support the home team." He did go and support the team, and enhance the glory of Zenith, by yelling "Attaboy!" and "Rotten!" He performed the rite scrupulously. He wore a cotton handkerchief about his collar; he became sweaty; he opened his mouth in a wide loose grin; and drank lemon soda out of a bottle. He went to the Game three times a week, for one week. Then he compromised on watching the Advocate-Times bulletin-board. He stood in the thickest and steamiest of the crowd, and as the boy up on the lofty platform recorded the achievements of Big Bill Bostwick, the pitcher, Babbitt remarked to complete strangers, "Pretty nice! Good work!" and hastened back to the office. He honestly believed that he loved baseball. It is true that he hadn't, in twenty-five years, himself played any baseball except back-lot catch with Ted--very gentle, and strictly limited to ten minutes. But the game was a custom of his clan, and it gave outlet for the homicidal and sides-taking instincts which Babbitt called "patriotism" and "love of sport." Notwithstanding the ham-handed commentary at the end we can see that for many sports are something less than a full-time devotion, and for a reason. And Babbitt can still speak to us because it survived Babbitt. Despite his less-than-success in business Harry S Truman was his good side; Dubya (whose first name is also George) would have reclined comfortably in Babbitt's many lazy prejudices and platitudes. And we have recent evidence it may yet be vaguely alive. Recently PILLHEAD's favorite intellectual wrote a telling review of a novel from the "thriller" novelist Robert Ferrigno set in the America of 2040, where half the country is an Islamic republic and the other half fitfully Christian. While this seems unthinkable given how easily we can demoralize ourselves it is not impossible. Or as this Substitute Host puts it, Meanwhile, the [Bible] Belt is less a bastion of republican virtue than an impoverished swamp of garish sentimentality whose national shrines are Waco and Graceland. An impoverished swamp of garish sentimentality -- definitely the successor to Babbitts. (It does seem strange that PILLHEAD and his fellow yappers could not come to the rescue, but that's another novel.) Sinclair Lewis wrote a book called It Can't Happen Here. He was thinking of other isms. Given our weakness for stinky political fads and the tenacity of our enemies, it can.
Posted
2:31 PM
by Gene
Posted
2:11 PM
by Gene
Is it fair to say that Alfred Nobel did little to advance the cause of peace and much to thwart it as a chemist who invented dynamite in the 1860s? Yes. He profited from war. That was why he became a peacemaker; well, not a peacemaker, but he saw the consequences of dynamite, how war became more efficient, an even more awful killing machine. And since then he's made a LOT of peace, THORB. The literature prize continues to go to ever more obscure choices. Had you heard of Herta Müller, the Romanian-German writer who is this year’s laureate? To be honest, no, I hadn’t. Have you read any novels by last year’s laureate in literature, Jean-Marie Gustave Le Clézio, of France? Not before, but I read him afterward. It’s difficult reading. What about Philip Roth or J. D. Salinger or Alice Munro or Joyce Carol Oates, who have freed literature from falseness and decorum, but whom the committee continues to overlook? Most people say what you are saying: Why don’t you choose one who is more known? Because how many Americans write like Europeans? INTERVIEW HAS BEEN CONDENSED AND EDITED. P. S. All RIGHT, it's pronounced like THIS, which makes it sound worse. (Via MICHAEL)
Posted
2:01 PM
by Gene
We know all about SWAGGER, disciples of NEUHARTH -- which may be why your stock has lost ITS. Here's the best part: the NETt's being "IMPACTED" by LENO! GO JUT-JAW!
Posted
1:25 PM
by Gene
AND PEOPLE WARNER HAS RUN ANOTHER DISCLAIMER! Don't SPIN OFF your RAGS, Mr. BEW-kes -- SHUT THEM DOWN!
Posted
1:18 PM
by Gene
We are rather pleased to note WACKO's CRITICALLY-ACCLAIMED MASTERWORK is not doing the $250 MILLION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SUPERNIKKI!!!!!!!!!! and her fellow press agents said it would, which makes us doubt whether that splotched friend of children will have much of an afterlife himself. (First link via SUPERADAM!!!!!)
Posted
1:05 PM
by Gene
Six People Shot in Five Separate Incidents in Phila.
Posted
12:56 PM
by Gene
(Via ESPNCORP Network News)
Posted
10:35 AM
by Gene
Aw geez Sue, get a little shuteye! Take a cue from the NEUHARTH PLAYBOOK -- BLURB!
Posted
10:13 AM
by Gene
![]() We're surprised STARCHITECTS didn't stage a huge rally to prevent this Frisco hotel's demolition.
Posted
10:04 AM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: BANEhead doesn't have a clue either. P. S. at 1:58 p. m. Well all right, the Elephant Party does have these talking points. But why couldn't it have come up with them, say, four years ago? We would note too point no. 4 is largely revenge at Democrats. We must admit, though, even someone suffering from PICA might not have an appetite for a 1,990-page bill. (GOP link via the usual folk at Commentary) Friday, October 30, 2009
Posted
1:23 PM
by Gene
Illinois Teacher Fund Confronts $35 Billion Unfunded Liability We don't want to think how many other Illinois Teacher Retirement Systems there are. (Via FinViz)
Posted
11:16 AM
by Gene
When does this company formally change its name to KAPLAN, INC.? Meantime The Daily Broccoli pleads for government handouts for its news division. SELF-SERVING MORONS -- you COULD open a SALON. (Both links via MediaBistro)
Posted
10:52 AM
by Gene
Maybe if he brought on some nappy-headed...never mind.
Posted
10:45 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:19 AM
by Gene
Consumers shouldn't worry! They should INVEST -- like WE DO!!!!!
Posted
9:41 AM
by Gene
Russia fails to protect journalists, activists, prison inmates and others at odds with authorities from a wide range of abuses, including torture and murder, the U.N. Human Rights Committee said Friday. Okay, that's done -- now on to the business of prosecuting ISRAEL.
Posted
9:18 AM
by Gene
![]() Hey hand, the only democracy in this country is my democracy. S'allright? S'ALLRIGHT!
Posted
9:15 AM
by Gene
Now he'll have to be content spending the rest of his life making very profitable speeches and being an appendage to sleazy businessmen.
Posted
8:59 AM
by Gene
Looking for a Job? Pre-register for the New York Post Job Fair Today!” [SIC]
Posted
8:50 AM
by Gene
And how many of the press agents who obsessively blurb about their favorite teevee shows would say the same thing about some of the shows they obsessively blurbed?
Posted
8:47 AM
by Gene
4-legged movie stars vie for 'canine Oscars' LONDON (AP) -- Four-legged screen stars are vying for the Fido Film Awards, billed as the canine equivalent of the Oscars. Nominees announced Friday include the animated dog stars of "Bolt" and "Up," the titular mutt in "Marley and Me" and - in a rare non-canine choice - the dapper, George Clooney-voiced "Fantastic Mr. Fox." They are competing for prizes in categories including historical hound, rom-com rover and comedy canine. Award organizer Toby Rose said the past year had scene [SIC!!!!!] "an unprecedented run of dog successes at the international box office." The Fidos call themselves the world's first international awards for canine screen stars. The winners will be chosen by a panel of British film critics and announced at a Nov. 22 ceremony in London. Necessary! P. S. at 2:52 p. m. Testimony to the Web's (and news hacks') infallibility: For "Award organizer Toby Rose said the past year had scene" G000,000,000GLE shows 1,690 LINKS -- and TWO CORRECTIONS. P. P. S. on 10/31 at 10:20 a. m. There are now 1,150 links -- and 146 corrections. Progress!
Posted
8:42 AM
by Gene
Guess who really gets beaned with government as beanball. (Via MediaBistro)
Posted
8:37 AM
by Gene
Bad time? Any time for sports overspending at professional college teams is a GREAT time! AND it keeps the clien -- students happy! Civic pri -- school spirit!
Posted
8:32 AM
by Gene
More alike than everyone thinks. NOW somebody tells us.
Posted
8:30 AM
by Gene
A good reason for a. paying $500 a year for The Econowiz and b. paying at least that much for it on-line. That and BUGMEISTER BILL reads it, supposedly. Thursday, October 29, 2009
Posted
10:23 PM
by Gene
Nearly half the members of a powerful House subcommittee in control of Pentagon spending are under scrutiny by ethics investigators in Congress, who have trained their lens on the relationships between seven members and an influential lobbying firm founded by a former Capitol Hill aide. Possible.
Posted
9:22 PM
by Gene
HARDY-HAR-HAR!
Posted
3:52 PM
by Gene
Edmunds.com says a lot of those sales would have happened anyway, with or without the clunkers program. Of more than 690,000 vehicles sold, only about 125,000 of the sales were entirely due to the government's added inducement, Edmunds.com says. The rest of buyers just got lucky by getting the government to kick cash into deals that they would have proceeded with anyhow. When the cost of the program is spread over just those extra incremental sales, the total is $24,000 per vehicle. That's just about $2,000 shy of the average amount paid for a new car by buyers in August, $26,915. DOW UP 180 KAZILLION TODAY!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
1:18 PM
by Gene
Posted
11:33 AM
by Gene
DOW UP 1,000! (Via Seeking Alpha)
Posted
10:45 AM
by Gene
We said it before: If PILLHEAD ruled America unions and organizing would be illegal. If SPEAKER BABS ruled America union membership and dues would be mandatory.
Posted
8:59 AM
by Gene
Zell, who reaped a $39 billion windfall unloading his real estate empire, stands to lose the $315 million he personally put into the complex transaction two years ago. "It's certainly the most amount of money I've lost in a single deal," he said in a Bloomberg interview. The 68-year-old billionaire, who daily rides one of his 15 prized motorcycles to work, said that if he could turn back the clock on the flopped deal, he "would have married someone else." You mean PVT. ZELL wouldn't have married himself?
Posted
8:51 AM
by Gene
I really wish NIKKI!!!!! "ZEIGFIELD" FINKE!!!!! would stop hectoring us about morals and stick with selling things.
Posted
8:47 AM
by Gene
Does that mean we can like him?
Posted
8:37 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:30 AM
by Gene
We've stared at a monitor long enough -- we know. (Via MediaBistro)
Posted
8:27 AM
by Gene
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Posted
10:23 PM
by Gene
Sorry Mr. Moon 'n' Stars, big 'n' clumsy go together.
Posted
10:16 PM
by Gene
Posted
9:55 PM
by Gene
I shouldn't have said that but given victims like PARIS!!!!! I couldn't resist.
Posted
8:36 PM
by Gene
It appears we are NOT finished with DOMESTIC holy cockroaches. Vigilance, ALWAYS vigilance. We must post this comment: WorkedTooMuch wrote: I deeply regret that a canine unit was lost in defense of our (and his) country. It is quite possible that the dog took a bullet that would have otherwise taken out a human agent. I'm more of a cat person than a dog person, yet I never fail to remember the intelligence and faithfulness that a well trained dog can display. RIP, my friend. Good (sniff) dog! (Via ASSPress via MyWay.com)
Posted
8:27 PM
by Gene
A proposal to ban lighting up in New York’s parks has exposed the puritanical agenda behind the crusade against smoking. Patrick Basham directs the Democracy Institute and is a CATO INSTITUTE adjunct scholar. John Luik is a Democracy Institute senior fellow. They are co-authors of Hidden in Plain Sight: Why Tobacco Display Bans Fail. [Smoking overemphasis added] Everyone has an agenda, sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Posted
7:58 PM
by Gene
Haven't retired prime ministers heard of Douglas MacArthur?
Posted
3:28 PM
by Gene
Posted
3:17 PM
by Gene
![]() This one we must put in our neat-O file. America must make up her mind about space exploration. The thing is: if we'd put all the money we BURNED ON FINANCIERS into the effort... ...we could have sent them to the moon ON A SPACESHIP.
Posted
1:15 PM
by Gene
We note with some annoyance that StinkyInky Publishing Co. is in danger of selling at a fire-sale price. (Not OUR danger.) I can see its moth-eaten flagship doing this: Say the SELIGISM Series goes seven games. I see a fourteen-inning seventh game with lead changes each half-inning. When "our" side finally wins in the bottom half (bases loaded, two outs, full count, natch) the BLUTOS go into full riot mode. Our Stinky Inky, having run so many press releases during the Center City condo boom, does them a favor by draping the front page in a promotional "PHILLIES REPEAT!!!!!!!!!!" wrapper (i.e., a fake front page with four pages of photos) and playing down the rioting on the real front page. Yes, I can see a newspaper bankrupt in more ways than one doing this. Of course the NOO YAWK tabloids would respond by gleefully overplaying the story on THEIR front pages, meaning more than one newspaper will be unreadable the day after. (Second link via the usual Romy)
Posted
11:39 AM
by Gene
Well, He can go back to managing BizWeek -- or maybe flirting with the women.
Posted
10:49 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:23 AM
by Gene
Why am I supposed to be bombed, PEOPLE WARNER? Wouldn't it be more astonishing if someone in big media and its tendrils didn't succumb to drugs?
Posted
10:16 AM
by Gene
Remember when people were calling this guy "conservative"? Nope, just another European. On one occasion Sarkozy triggered the cancellation of an entire EU event he was due to host in Evian, because he wanted to sleep in his own bed at the Élysée palace. By then, hundreds of journalists, EU officials and national delegations had either already arrived in Evian or were on their way. Your typical Congresspoop would appreciate that.
Posted
8:39 AM
by Gene
Suburb of Greenwich and Fairfield doesn't sound that flattering either, as that's where many of NOO YAWK's corporate HQ went. Heck any town that BOASTS it'll make $15.5 million from each of its SELIGISM Series games has a self-esteem problem. It wouldn't hurt to be humble a little. But as we said before, we in Philthydelphia have plenty to be humble about.
Posted
8:30 AM
by Gene
When the markets go up a zillion points...who cares?
Posted
8:25 AM
by Gene
U.S. colleges and universities are graduating as many scientists and engineers as ever, according to a study released on Oct. 28 by a group of academics. But that finding comes with a big caveat: Many of the highest-performing students are choosing careers in other fields. The study by professors at Rutgers and Georgetown suggests that since the late 1990s, many of the top students have been lured to careers in finance and consulting.
Posted
8:20 AM
by Gene
Still, Democrats must ask themselves whether there’s anything they can do over the next year--for example, a meaningful shift toward fiscal restraint--to reduce the intensity level of the conservative assault. If not, the combination of an energized opposition and an electorate battered by high unemployment, slow growth, and the perception of out-of-control spending could set the stage for an ugly outcome. Already liberals are speaking of one-party government in the past tense. (Via -- oh well -- JENNIFER)
Posted
8:14 AM
by Gene
WOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sort of makes all the money You vacuumed from the turnips worth it, huh HONORARY MAYOR MIKE? And how much does Your government waste in a day, Honorary? The more these government clowns make up numbers the more their turnips think revolution. Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Posted
3:11 PM
by Gene
In 2006, Ray appeared in The Secret, a popular documentary in which he and others promoted the philosophy that positive thinking makes good things happen. He also appeared on Oprah.
Posted
2:35 PM
by Gene
Yes Sparky, SELIGISM is, regardless of what its founder says about day games.
Posted
1:21 PM
by Gene
Posted
11:36 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:25 AM
by Gene
All the more reason to raise tuition! Cal spokesman Mogulof said, "There's a reason that 10,000 students come to every home football game. "They're not just at Berkeley to attend class. They come to be part of a community." KOLLEDGES believe in the civic-pride humbug too!
Posted
9:15 AM
by Gene
And how many of these geniuses do it themselves?
Posted
9:09 AM
by Gene
I'm guessing we will also hear from con-SER-va-tives. They should shut up too.
Posted
9:06 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:50 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:27 AM
by Gene
I suspect the professional sports buffs are picking "our" guys, and I wouldn't care less either way but for the prospect of more sleepless nights, and more Blutory. I further suspect this will do better in the ratings; last year was such an anomaly. But onward and downward thereafter for a sport that -- richly deserves it. Interesting too that Joysey's rooting mostly for the Yanks, but then Joysey's mostly an Apple suburb. No wisecracks about the smell. Got it? Nope.
Posted
3:25 AM
by Gene
P. S. at 10:48 a. m. The presence of all the celebrities led me to ignore the Cuban blogger (!), but the fact remains these are choices you'd expect from PEOPLE WARNER, and from ER. P. P. S. at 11:07 a. m. We also note that two of the "most overrated" appeared as "best" blogs in the list for 2008. And witness this roll-your-eyes observation: By most estimates, this is the 10th most popular blog on the planet: a site that lets users upload pictures of cats and affix funny captions to them written in a made-up language. Further evidence of the decline of Western civilization. TRANSLATION: Most listicles are worthless. Monday, October 26, 2009
Posted
7:11 PM
by Gene
Posted
3:39 PM
by Gene
![]() SUPERTWEEZERS!!!!! ![]() Doesn't this building look bureaucratic - in an award-winning way? ![]() Where's the other speaker?
Posted
3:18 PM
by Gene
CNN finishes last among the four cable news networks The GOOD news: > CNN has nearly 6 million followers on Twitter Pffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft!!!!! (The usual Romy link)
Posted
2:19 PM
by Gene
The other hot topic of the day was, not surprisingly, the impact of the expected Comcast-NBC Universal deal. Jessica Reif Cohen, 1st VP/Managing Director at Banc of America Securities-Merrill Lynch Research, said Comcast's potential deal to acquire a majority interest in NBCU could create “incredible” value for the MSO. Though she noted that a failed deal could hit Comcast's stock hard, her backing was enough that one media-company CEO in the crowd said afterward, “I should go fill my boots with Comcast stock right now.” Coming on the heels of that famous sales -- ANALYST stock was not what I was thinking of.
Posted
2:10 PM
by Gene
Posted
2:01 PM
by Gene
How apt that carbon nanotubes may cause the same problems as asbestos.
Posted
1:55 PM
by Gene
No, I don't think he'll be president.
Posted
1:37 PM
by Gene
DOW 500,0 -- oh wait, not today. Sunday, October 25, 2009
Posted
9:08 PM
by Gene
OR -- whatever comes after NEWSPAPERS can only be an IMPROVEMENT. (Via -- it figures -- CBS SPORTS)
Posted
8:26 PM
by Gene
Kohlberg Kravis and Goldman Sachs fools that's who.
Posted
6:24 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:14 PM
by Gene
For firms with more than 50 employees, the fee could be as high as $750 multiplied by the total size of the work force if only a few workers needed federal aid, these officials said. That is a more stringent penalty than in a bill that recently cleared the Senate Finance Committee, which said companies should face penalties on a per-employee basis. [Emphasis added] How many firms have 50 to 1000 employees? Are they large too? The more they talk, the more they write, the more convoluted this gets.
Posted
1:58 PM
by Gene
Okay Anna, if this is a time for action, why did KAPLAN, INC. take such a big non-baby step with your rag's circ -- BACKWARDS? Since you're telling the truth why not tell it to more people? Oh, telling truth costs money. It didn't used to.
Posted
1:42 PM
by Gene
The credulous might find this a worthwhile essay -- and one could mount a defense of the man, however unlikely. It might make for decent writing. Not being that credulous I did a little experiment: using Find in Firefox I typed in four letters: B - U - S - H ![]() Ta-DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I didn't bother reading it. Here we have a reason newspapers deserve their troubles. A computer could type out most of the contents. Pinch pays this bozo what? A million? To repeat himself all the time? Perhaps he's a profit center. We should recall though when Pinch tried His first experiment with paid content no one missed him -- or any of His other columnists. His approach deprives us of unconventional viewpoints -- not conservative vs. liberal, but truly unconventional ideas, like a defense of the Balloon Boy's father. Absurd -- but it could make people think. Instead we get the usual 800 words of verbally-induced coma. The press's collapse has not deprived the most deserving of unemployment of their jobs. The time has come.
Posted
9:43 AM
by Gene
Believe YOU? NIKKI!!!!! "ZEIGFIELD" FINKE!!!!!?
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