THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
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Saturday, November 01, 2008
No matter how many stupid things The Lord says -- or paraphrases -- they can't hurt Him because He is, after all, The Lord.
He was less interested in what motivates people to act without integrity than in the words they use to camouflage and perpetuate their dishonesty: for Orwell, bad language and bad politics were one and the same.
ZEITGEIST shouldn't talk Orwell. If he appeared in the rag's luxury suites he'd rip the staff from stem to stern for their partisan full-nelsons on English...after which ST. WARREN would triple their salaries.
ZEITGEIST shouldn't talk Orwell. If he appeared in the rag's luxury suites he'd rip the staff from stem to stern for their partisan full-nelsons on English...after which ST. WARREN would triple their salaries.
Hamas leader Ismail Haniyeh said on Saturday that the next United States president should reverse current policy toward the Palestinians by lifting the embargo on the Gaza Strip and cutting back support for Israel.
Come on, God! The history books await You.
Come on, God! The history books await You.
Ax Suggests Something Fishy About Breaking Story About Obama Aunt
November 01, 2008 1:54 PM
HENDERSON, NEV. -- David Axelrod, the senior campaign strategist for Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill., today suggested there was something fishy about the story of Obama's long-last half-aunt living in the U.S. illegally breaking now, with three days left in the presidential race.
"The campaign issued a statement on that, you know, and I don't have anything more to add to it," Axelrod told reporters, "other than I think people are suspicious about stories that surface in the last 72 hours of a national campaign. And I think that they're going to take that - they're going to put it in that context."
Liberal websites such as Talking Points Memo have gone so far as to call the story a "smear," noting that the aunt's presence in the U.S. first broke in the Times of London, owned by conservative media magnate Rupert Murdoch, was then pounced on by conservative media outlets (and others), and her illegal status was confirmed to the Associated Press by a federal law enforcement official.
WHOOPS! Wrong link. Sorry, Jake.
November 01, 2008 1:54 PM
HENDERSON, NEV. -- David Axelrod, the senior campaign strategist for Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill., today suggested there was something fishy about the story of Obama's long-last half-aunt living in the U.S. illegally breaking now, with three days left in the presidential race.
"The campaign issued a statement on that, you know, and I don't have anything more to add to it," Axelrod told reporters, "other than I think people are suspicious about stories that surface in the last 72 hours of a national campaign. And I think that they're going to take that - they're going to put it in that context."
Liberal websites such as Talking Points Memo have gone so far as to call the story a "smear," noting that the aunt's presence in the U.S. first broke in the Times of London, owned by conservative media magnate Rupert Murdoch, was then pounced on by conservative media outlets (and others), and her illegal status was confirmed to the Associated Press by a federal law enforcement official.
WHOOPS! Wrong link. Sorry, Jake.
Another vote of confidence for the Wall Street Casino:
Not a single U.S. company has gone public since mid-August....
Not a single U.S. company has gone public since mid-August....
Meantime, muzzled Vice-President Kinnock promises to be bi-partisan, a task made more difficult if his God doesn't remove the duct tape.
The days of HYER LURNING's bilking its clients into amassing itself bigger endowments are over -- for now.
Hey Messiah! How about a bailout for HYER EDD?
(Via Seeking Alpha)
Hey Messiah! How about a bailout for HYER EDD?
(Via Seeking Alpha)
TRANSLATION: Despite the ever helpful friendly adjectives of ad-blurbists, could the no-taste section of the public that frequents the popcorn restaurants finally be tiring of grossout comedies?
Sorry HARVEY WHINER -- and sorry too SAMMY GLICK...MAN; the word "PORNO" hurt.
Why not SAMMY GLICK...MAN in a new post: Secretary of Entertainment?
Self-serving GanNETtoid P. S.
Gross-out humor in movies is getting more vulgar and off-putting, ostensibly to stand out from all the similar jokes that went before. Do filmmakers really think that propels the art form forward? Or do they assume it's that tough to amuse audiences jaded and inured by increasingly risqué gags?
Ms. Pig -- PUIG, you and your fellow EIGHT-MINUTE BLURBISTS encouraged this jjjahhn-rrrRRRUH with your RAVES.
Sorry HARVEY WHINER -- and sorry too SAMMY GLICK...MAN; the word "PORNO" hurt.
Why not SAMMY GLICK...MAN in a new post: Secretary of Entertainment?
Self-serving GanNETtoid P. S.
Gross-out humor in movies is getting more vulgar and off-putting, ostensibly to stand out from all the similar jokes that went before. Do filmmakers really think that propels the art form forward? Or do they assume it's that tough to amuse audiences jaded and inured by increasingly risqué gags?
Ms. Pig -- PUIG, you and your fellow EIGHT-MINUTE BLURBISTS encouraged this jjjahhn-rrrRRRUH with your RAVES.
TRAGEDY:
Memo: "Basically, the LAT no longer has a Washington bureau"
Happily they won't need it after electing their Lord.
Why couldn't TRIB have stayed public? Then we'd be talking $2 a share -- and that for Dem Cubbies.
Memo: "Basically, the LAT no longer has a Washington bureau"
Happily they won't need it after electing their Lord.
Why couldn't TRIB have stayed public? Then we'd be talking $2 a share -- and that for Dem Cubbies.
The NEW CW™ helpfully provides us a list of The Lord's Acolytes in His cabinet, and while chances are this list is eighty percent wrong it is still discouraging to see all these retreads. Some of the names are most interesting: the old hyperliberal Abner Mikva as an "outside counsel"; the Internet's Inventor as a pontificator on climate change and Ambassador to Make People Like America Again; Linda Douglass as press secretary (Bias? What bias?); a Citigroup executive and Messiah follower as White house economic adviser; Eric Holder as CHIEF DEFENDER OF ABOR...CHIEF QUOTAMEI...er, attorney general (Pardons pay!); the 70-year-old former Citigroup exec Bob Rubin or the 81-year-old Paul Volcker in Treasury; YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHH!!!!! as head of HHS (because he was a doctor; but then so was Marcus Welby); GEORGE MILLER!!!!! as education secretary; Susan Collins as Der Homeland boss (one less Republican senator! ha ha ha! Oh wait -- doesn't she vote with OUR side?); Max "I AM TOO A PATRIOT!" Cleland as head of VD -- I mean Veterans Affairs; likewise Tammy Duckworth, who qualifies because of Iraq and the evil war we will end in two months; Jane Harman in CIA or as Director of National Intelligence, just to prove we CAN be tough; Jesse Jackson (Jr.) in HUD (!!!!!); Terminator as Energy Secretary, where presumably he can waste money too, or Earl "Bicycle" Blumenauer; Dick Gephardt in Labor ('RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!); William Bratton as drug "czar", from which post he will resign when the word "legalization" starts popping up. There are other Republicans but if we had to guess the only likely ones are Lincoln "Mush" Chafee in EPA and Tom Kean in Education, where they will be happily out of the way.
And while You're at it, Lord, maybe You can entice the nation into rewriting the Constitution! Your native Hawaii did!
(Or, as You will no doubt inspire thousands of bureaucrats into forcing us to write it, Hawai'i. Go ahead, Lord! It's only an apostrophe!)
Still, no matter what the agenda may be, conventions have a way of running away from the people who conceive them.
Hmm, maybe not such a good idea -- it could turn America into a state of permanent Republicanism. Huh Lord?
(Or, as You will no doubt inspire thousands of bureaucrats into forcing us to write it, Hawai'i. Go ahead, Lord! It's only an apostrophe!)
Still, no matter what the agenda may be, conventions have a way of running away from the people who conceive them.
Hmm, maybe not such a good idea -- it could turn America into a state of permanent Republicanism. Huh Lord?
And here's the next big news-hack J'ACCUSE: Employers are ordering their workers to hide their tattoos.
Hey Lord!! I think this merits a CIVIL RIGHTS probe!
Hey Lord!! I think this merits a CIVIL RIGHTS probe!
Friday, October 31, 2008
GREG cheers up through all the DO-NOT-CALL-LAW-inspired layoffs -- as he sees hope for the future:
BMOC: College Papers Back Obama -- By 79 to 1
BMOC: College Papers Back Obama -- By 79 to 1
In His own way, PINCH reaches out to the faithful, the true believers, the ones who watch FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!News to prove reactionism knows no politics, and says, don't worry, we'll ALWAYS be together.
Still, it is not as though election is a psychiatric condition.
After certain people get through with election it is.
Still, it is not as though election is a psychiatric condition.
After certain people get through with election it is.
One might dismiss it as an intellectual exercise but this FT blog post is scary. We too remain convinced that people are trying to talk themselves into thinking this financial disaster is not severe, or is easily contained. SIVs and CDOs would seem to speak otherwise. (Of course screaming DEPRESSION!!!!! all the time won't help either.) And it concludes with this observation:
[T]he 1920s had neither television nor the internet. Information, decisions, and implementation can now be carried out in seconds, which harms the quality of decisions and nerves. Transparency is usually preferable, but unmitigated speed might be harmful. CNBC and Bloomberg can spread worldwide panic instantly.
One could ascribe a few hundred minus Dow points to JIM!!!!! CRAMER!!!!!!!!!!! alone. And somehow we can't imagine even The Messiah giving new heft to the ciphers ruling the world. Let us hope Ben and Co. know what they're doing; sometimes it doesn't seem that way.
(Via SeekingAlpha)
[T]he 1920s had neither television nor the internet. Information, decisions, and implementation can now be carried out in seconds, which harms the quality of decisions and nerves. Transparency is usually preferable, but unmitigated speed might be harmful. CNBC and Bloomberg can spread worldwide panic instantly.
One could ascribe a few hundred minus Dow points to JIM!!!!! CRAMER!!!!!!!!!!! alone. And somehow we can't imagine even The Messiah giving new heft to the ciphers ruling the world. Let us hope Ben and Co. know what they're doing; sometimes it doesn't seem that way.
(Via SeekingAlpha)
Here's a charming figure: one in four mortgaged homes may end up "underwater".
Here's another:
Seven hard-hit states -- Arizona, California, Florida, Georgia, Michigan, Nevada and Ohio -- had 64 percent of all "underwater" borrowers, but just 41 percent of U.S. mortgages.
Two Rust-Belt states and five states in smiley-faced Mallopia. It's a wonder more people don't owe.
Here's another:
Seven hard-hit states -- Arizona, California, Florida, Georgia, Michigan, Nevada and Ohio -- had 64 percent of all "underwater" borrowers, but just 41 percent of U.S. mortgages.
Two Rust-Belt states and five states in smiley-faced Mallopia. It's a wonder more people don't owe.
As phair-weather Phillies phans head home to nurse their seventh beer, let us compare Budball's 2008 numbers with 1980's. Average ratings points: down 75 percent. Average total audience: down over 68 percent. Percent of total U. S. population watching in 1980: 18.66 percent. The number for 2008: 4.32 percent.* There is no way around these stats -- thanks to too many reasons to count, Budball has become a game with no hits and untold errors.
*These last two numbers are dubious, to be sure, but add a multiplier effect of people talking baseball and clearly Americans cared for the game far more in 1980 than now.
*These last two numbers are dubious, to be sure, but add a multiplier effect of people talking baseball and clearly Americans cared for the game far more in 1980 than now.
JPMorgan Chase (JPM) said Friday that it is expanding its program to modify mortgages to try to avoid foreclosures on up to $70 billion in loans.
Well, thank YOU, Mr. Carbuncle MorganChase! We are SO appreciative! With all OUR largesse it's the LEAST you can do!
Well, thank YOU, Mr. Carbuncle MorganChase! We are SO appreciative! With all OUR largesse it's the LEAST you can do!
PILLHEAD must have 500 interns scattering over this one: Whether The Lord will swear Himself into the throne with His MIDDLE NAME (which TNR helpfully CAPITALIZES). If He does, that would seem to indicate His Church will engage in constant pulpit-pounding, which may not be the nirvana this intern imagines.
WALTER WINCHELL!!!!!!!!!! says The Lord kicked a reporter off the campaign plane because his paper endorsed his opponent!!!!!
ROMY says The Lord DIDN'T kick a reporter off the campaign plane because of his paper's endorsement!!!!!
I HATE DUELING SPINMEISTERS!!!!!
ROMY says The Lord DIDN'T kick a reporter off the campaign plane because of his paper's endorsement!!!!!
I HATE DUELING SPINMEISTERS!!!!!
The good news: THE EDWARD R. MURROW OF COMEDY and the BILL O'REILLY OF THE LEFT could be passé if The Lord wins.
The bad news: PILLHEAD and Loudmouth Hannity would come back. PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!
"A lot of people are going to suffer from withdrawal after the election," said Hunter, only half-joking. "What are people going to talk about after there's no more campaigning?"
THEMSELVES, as always.
(Via The Daily Beast)
The bad news: PILLHEAD and Loudmouth Hannity would come back. PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!
"A lot of people are going to suffer from withdrawal after the election," said Hunter, only half-joking. "What are people going to talk about after there's no more campaigning?"
THEMSELVES, as always.
(Via The Daily Beast)
If one in seven voters is still "persuadable" at this stage one must ask, how little do they know or, how little do they want to know?
PEOPLE NEWSRAG lists the Large Hadron Collider as its fifth best invention of 2008 (yes, another listicle), which may explain why PEOPLE INC. just decided to lay off 600.
Oh, we think the Aquatic Geek may be another of the 50, but lacking a list we're not about to click fifty times to find out.
Oh, we think the Aquatic Geek may be another of the 50, but lacking a list we're not about to click fifty times to find out.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Speaking of grim milestones, this USAOKAY!!!!! show-biz publicist takes a different tack from years gone by in plugging the Os-CAR® nominees -- he avoids the word dark!
Duh, how many did GCI just lay off?
"The illusion that this all happens because a movie is good is out the window," Poland says. "The reality is, there is a structure and a business to campaigning for an Oscar."
TRANSLATION: The Os-CAR® nominees are mutts with a pedigree.
Duh, how many did GCI just lay off?
"The illusion that this all happens because a movie is good is out the window," Poland says. "The reality is, there is a structure and a business to campaigning for an Oscar."
TRANSLATION: The Os-CAR® nominees are mutts with a pedigree.
Oh dear -- bad news for the hacks:
U.S. deaths hit low in Iraq
Remember how they kept giggling and chortling about their GRIM MILESTONES? That act seems funnier now.
U.S. deaths hit low in Iraq
Remember how they kept giggling and chortling about their GRIM MILESTONES? That act seems funnier now.
AS PREDICTED.
Only Zelig would think single-digits for the first time GOOD.
The solution seems so handy. Start the games at 7:30 p.m. ET, especially on the weekends. That means the first pitch, not a Fox pre-game talkathon. Given the usual length for a World Series game, the late innings would come from 10-11 p.m. Very comfortable viewing time from the Atlantic to the Pacific.
EEHOVER ME BLUUDY DEAD BOHDEE!!!!! Or however they put it in Kangarooland.
Only Zelig would think single-digits for the first time GOOD.
The solution seems so handy. Start the games at 7:30 p.m. ET, especially on the weekends. That means the first pitch, not a Fox pre-game talkathon. Given the usual length for a World Series game, the late innings would come from 10-11 p.m. Very comfortable viewing time from the Atlantic to the Pacific.
EEHOVER ME BLUUDY DEAD BOHDEE!!!!! Or however they put it in Kangarooland.
Exclusive: U.S. Expects Bin Laden Message Near Election
We were about to say "Brian Ross -- wrong as usual", but thankfully ESPNCORP Network News seems to be an equal-opportunity empty speculator.
We were about to say "Brian Ross -- wrong as usual", but thankfully ESPNCORP Network News seems to be an equal-opportunity empty speculator.
The Econowiz, again endorsing a candidate and holding its nose, discerns a pitfall for The Lord:
[T]he risk remains that on economic matters the centre that Mr Obama moves to would be that of his party, not that of the country as a whole.
[T]he risk remains that on economic matters the centre that Mr Obama moves to would be that of his party, not that of the country as a whole.
Unlike with the sad case of the Christian Science Monitor, we would not be unhappy to see Metro go; it added a second rip to rip-'n'-read. It's also trash on the sidewalk. That said it provides a useful service for some. Perhaps people will go back to paying for a newspaper. Now there's a thought!
I believe for the first time we have a reasonably balanced account of what The Lord may do in opening His Church. It stands to reason He would not wish to squander His political capital -- and He won't have much economic capital to begin with. If The Messiah can prove to be the coalition builder He occasionally makes noises as being, we will stop referring to Him with sacred sarcasm. The problem is, the ancient Congressional leadership may try to tempt Him, and, like Eve, He may find the temptation too great.
I smile, though two people read me:
No one in baseball’s hierarchy wants to address shortening the regular season. And no one will even consider a warm-weather, fixed site for the World Series. [Emphasis added]
Great minds think alike!
P. S. on 10/30 at 10:50 a. m. Peter Gammons thought of it first. Great minds still think alike!
No one in baseball’s hierarchy wants to address shortening the regular season. And no one will even consider a warm-weather, fixed site for the World Series. [Emphasis added]
Great minds think alike!
P. S. on 10/30 at 10:50 a. m. Peter Gammons thought of it first. Great minds still think alike!
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
More evidence of the permanence of this undying triumph in a juxtaposition from BloomyLite:
Sports
•Phillies Win World Series for Second Time After Beating Rays 4-3 in Game 5
•John Daly Spends Night in Jail After Drunken Night at Hooters, Police Say
And I ruefully recall how he was the Great New Thing of Golf. What a joke.
Sports•Phillies Win World Series for Second Time After Beating Rays 4-3 in Game 5
•John Daly Spends Night in Jail After Drunken Night at Hooters, Police Say
And I ruefully recall how he was the Great New Thing of Golf. What a joke.
I just came across this on ESPN.com, from its Magazine, from Rick Reilly, about the revered basketball coach John Wooden:
He never made more than $35,000 a year, including 1975, the year he won his 10th national championship, and never asked for a raise.
Saccharine nostalgia will not do, but dammit, we've lost something.
P. S. He's 98 now, and from all accounts he has lived a truly good life in every way.
He never made more than $35,000 a year, including 1975, the year he won his 10th national championship, and never asked for a raise.
Saccharine nostalgia will not do, but dammit, we've lost something.
P. S. He's 98 now, and from all accounts he has lived a truly good life in every way.
Well, The Other Messiah has come. I did a thing just now I'm a little ashamed of; a bunch of younguns were making a lot of noise in my hallway, and afraid they'd do it all night I opened the door and gave them the evil eye, which shut them up; now I presume they'll be drunk for hours. I suppose I shouldn't have done it; and it's no excuse that living alone and without a family (may as well admit to it) has turned me into a human prune; but I'm dyspeptic. The world ignored this triumph despite its name being attached to it, and on Friday it's back to being a dysfunctional city with little industry, a huge underclass, murders (down 51 this year, at least), bureaucrats as parents and spiraling debt. The only beneficiaries are the owners, who will now drool over their ranking in Forbeslist, and the players, about to triple their salaries in other climes.
I only hope the "celebrations" aren't too severe.
P. S. at 11:05 p.m.: Most of the celebrants seem to be in their twenties. Perhaps I'm sour as I find it increasingly hard to fit in Center City thanks to Rendellism and its notion of educational factories über alles; it's become a hip haven of Connies and Clydes -- where I live is a defacto dorm -- and I've lived in this town long enough to know well enough when most apartment buildings were elderhostels. Part of me resents the change; so if I overstated the notion the other night of Blutoism it was with a rather shriveled heart. Part of me would celebrate too, if I were twenty-something and drank. In the end it's like New Year's. Who in his right mind celebrates being one year older, unless he's eight?
Besides, I must admit, the Phillies haven't been the same for me since Whitey died. That was the year before MARK!!!!! and SAMMY!!!!!, the GREATEST YEAR IN BASEBALL HISTORY, the year that ruined the sport for me and others forever.
I only hope the "celebrations" aren't too severe.
P. S. at 11:05 p.m.: Most of the celebrants seem to be in their twenties. Perhaps I'm sour as I find it increasingly hard to fit in Center City thanks to Rendellism and its notion of educational factories über alles; it's become a hip haven of Connies and Clydes -- where I live is a defacto dorm -- and I've lived in this town long enough to know well enough when most apartment buildings were elderhostels. Part of me resents the change; so if I overstated the notion the other night of Blutoism it was with a rather shriveled heart. Part of me would celebrate too, if I were twenty-something and drank. In the end it's like New Year's. Who in his right mind celebrates being one year older, unless he's eight?
Besides, I must admit, the Phillies haven't been the same for me since Whitey died. That was the year before MARK!!!!! and SAMMY!!!!!, the GREATEST YEAR IN BASEBALL HISTORY, the year that ruined the sport for me and others forever.
Shhh, don't say anything: The Lord has...poor relations.
We wonder what SLIME is up to. One day praising The Lord -- well, every day thinking of Himself.
We wonder what SLIME is up to. One day praising The Lord -- well, every day thinking of Himself.
Uh, Rog, I don't think Ed Sullivan had The Man on.
Sullivan had a keen understanding of what various demographic segments of his audience desired to see. As an impresario for the highbrow, he debuted ballerina Margot Fonteyn in 1958 and later teamed her with Rudolf Nureyev in 1965; saluted Van Cliburn after his upset victory in the Tchaikovsky competition in Moscow; and welcomed many neighbors from the nearby Metropolitan Opera, including Roberta Peters, who appeared 41 times, and the rarely seen Maria Callas, who performed a fully staged scene from Tosca. As the cultural eyes and ears for middle America, he introduced movie and Broadway legends into the collective living room, including Pearl Bailey, who appeared 23 times; Richard Burton and Julie Andrews in a scene from the 1961 Camelot; Sammy Davis Jr. with the Golden Boy cast; former CBS stage manager Yul Brynner in The King and I; Henry Fonda reading Lincoln's Gettysburg Address; and the rising star Barbra Streisand singing "Color Him Gone" in her 1962 debut. Occasionally, he devoted an entire telecast to one theme or biography: "The Cole Porter Story," "The Walt Disney Story," "The MGM Story, and "A Night at Sophie Tucker's House."
DEFINITELY, no.
Sullivan had a keen understanding of what various demographic segments of his audience desired to see. As an impresario for the highbrow, he debuted ballerina Margot Fonteyn in 1958 and later teamed her with Rudolf Nureyev in 1965; saluted Van Cliburn after his upset victory in the Tchaikovsky competition in Moscow; and welcomed many neighbors from the nearby Metropolitan Opera, including Roberta Peters, who appeared 41 times, and the rarely seen Maria Callas, who performed a fully staged scene from Tosca. As the cultural eyes and ears for middle America, he introduced movie and Broadway legends into the collective living room, including Pearl Bailey, who appeared 23 times; Richard Burton and Julie Andrews in a scene from the 1961 Camelot; Sammy Davis Jr. with the Golden Boy cast; former CBS stage manager Yul Brynner in The King and I; Henry Fonda reading Lincoln's Gettysburg Address; and the rising star Barbra Streisand singing "Color Him Gone" in her 1962 debut. Occasionally, he devoted an entire telecast to one theme or biography: "The Cole Porter Story," "The Walt Disney Story," "The MGM Story, and "A Night at Sophie Tucker's House."
DEFINITELY, no.
Hed of the Day:
Teen who killed his family will have few options as inmate
Despite several ideas we decided "no comment" was best.
Teen who killed his family will have few options as inmate
Despite several ideas we decided "no comment" was best.
Marty reminds us if Boobs had had any brains or sense or speaking style he could have spun a mighty thick thread around the House Democratic leaders -- but then no one expects FDR from either party anymore.
And lately, the more I've thought of The Lord the more I've thought of Nixon. They have three salient character traits in common: "literacy", intensity and humorlessness. I haven't mentioned their intense stares and burbling baritones. And in the back of my head I think The Messiah is just as capable of obsessing over His enemies as Tricky Dick. We hope not. We shall see.
And lately, the more I've thought of The Lord the more I've thought of Nixon. They have three salient character traits in common: "literacy", intensity and humorlessness. I haven't mentioned their intense stares and burbling baritones. And in the back of my head I think The Messiah is just as capable of obsessing over His enemies as Tricky Dick. We hope not. We shall see.
That final hour should tell us the Wall Street Casino is still capable of playing some big money-losing tricks on the sucke...investors.
P. S. at 7:55 p. m. LITTLE JEFFY DID IT!
P. S. at 7:55 p. m. LITTLE JEFFY DID IT!
Speaking of the Big Double-A Scribble, proof some in-the-know trade jernalists may not know as much as they think:
Using its network and other media assets to promote its artists was one of the more attractive propositions when CBS announced the revival of CBS Records in 2006. The label was first established in 1938, and was home to musicians such as Aerosmith, Tony Bennett, Miles Davis, Bob Dylan, Earth, Wind & Fire, Billie Holiday, Billy Joel, Frank Sinatra, Bruce Springsteen and Barbra Streisand. In 1988, CBS Records was acquired by Sony, and a few years later, was integrated into Sony Music Entertainment.
There's NO RELATION between the two outfits, Brian -- except for a NAME.
By the way, since SUMNER's forever in a tizz over people stealing His intellectual property rights -- are we alone in thinking His logo looks a little like
this one?
Using its network and other media assets to promote its artists was one of the more attractive propositions when CBS announced the revival of CBS Records in 2006. The label was first established in 1938, and was home to musicians such as Aerosmith, Tony Bennett, Miles Davis, Bob Dylan, Earth, Wind & Fire, Billie Holiday, Billy Joel, Frank Sinatra, Bruce Springsteen and Barbra Streisand. In 1988, CBS Records was acquired by Sony, and a few years later, was integrated into Sony Music Entertainment.
There's NO RELATION between the two outfits, Brian -- except for a NAME.
By the way, since SUMNER's forever in a tizz over people stealing His intellectual property rights -- are we alone in thinking His logo looks a little like
this one?
The more we hear of "close" (a lot of it from con-SER-va-tives) the more we imagine one of two outcomes: 1. The Lord wins by 5 or 6 points; or 2. Boobs wins the popular vote but loses the Electoral College.
Plus add balky voting machines into the mix and it's going to be a tough night.
Plus add balky voting machines into the mix and it's going to be a tough night.
Al-Qaeda geek Momin Khawaja found guilty of Bluewater bomb plot
This hed raises a question: How many geeks are in Al-Qaeda?
This hed raises a question: How many geeks are in Al-Qaeda?
After Hudson deaths, Chicago vows to fight rising murder rate
TRANSLATION: If the Windy City's immortal mayor (and we mean that literally) and its other mu-ni-CI-pal types can avoid doing anything about ghetto crime and NO SNITCHIN'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, they will.
TRANSLATION: If the Windy City's immortal mayor (and we mean that literally) and its other mu-ni-CI-pal types can avoid doing anything about ghetto crime and NO SNITCHIN'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, they will.
Hey Zelig! I got an idea: How about Your Festival in neutral warm-weather sites?
Well, we figure, that other big sport does it -- You know, the one with the odd-shaped brown ball? And that doesn't hurt its ratings.
Just a thought, Zelig. We know You haven't any.
Well, we figure, that other big sport does it -- You know, the one with the odd-shaped brown ball? And that doesn't hurt its ratings.
Just a thought, Zelig. We know You haven't any.
Boeing sees China buying 3,710 new planes by 2028
WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That will save our economy! DOW 100,000!!!!!
WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That will save our economy! DOW 100,000!!!!!
BizWeek gloats that cable's no longer a discretionary item! So why did CMCSA (doesn't that ticker symbol barely suggest an indecent word?) go down 8% despite increasing its extortion? Because Brian Robber can't get new subscribers? Who needs new subscribers?
My favorite restaurant MICKEY D's is removing a slice of cheese from the double cheeseburger, calling it a McDouble, selling it for $1, and hiking the double cheesburger's price to $1.19. We know all about commodities but we also know all about Mickey D's, the Mickey Mouse of capitalism.
Who'll wager the McDouble's still on the menu after a couple of years?
Who'll wager the McDouble's still on the menu after a couple of years?
"A lot of people like to make fun of cable... They think it’s something for people who don’t get news...."
We get the news, Phil. We don't get cable.
(But that's only because we still haven't gotten our HD monitor yet -- and even then we still won't GET cable news.)
We get the news, Phil. We don't get cable.
(But that's only because we still haven't gotten our HD monitor yet -- and even then we still won't GET cable news.)
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Banks are in defensive mode, reducing assets on their balance sheets and hunkering down for their annual year-end book closing. They aren't about to go back out on a limb with credit.
Add that to the slowing economy, rising joblessness and an unstable housing market, and it's a safe bet that lending will be slower for the foreseeable future, no matter how much the government urges bankers to ignore their own business instincts.
Business instincts? Wasn't it their brilliant business instincts that got them into the position to fleece Uncle Sucker?
Add that to the slowing economy, rising joblessness and an unstable housing market, and it's a safe bet that lending will be slower for the foreseeable future, no matter how much the government urges bankers to ignore their own business instincts.
Business instincts? Wasn't it their brilliant business instincts that got them into the position to fleece Uncle Sucker?
Hey Messiah! Would you like to personally speak with Nukeman over this one?
I hate citing Howie Hairshirt since he's such a profitably self-serving ninny, but I have to as he reports sad news: The Christian Science Monitor is all but ending its print edition. Of course this has many reasons, not least the "church"'s declining fan base, and its screwy finances, and an exorbitantly failed TV venture; but at least for most of its time the Monitor has stood for good, sound, dull reporting, and if the last word doesn't fit in perhaps it should; maybe good reporting shouldn't be exciting.
Oh -- and we mustn't forget THE DO-NOT-CALL LAW. This may have helped claim yet another innocent target.
Oh -- and we mustn't forget THE DO-NOT-CALL LAW. This may have helped claim yet another innocent target.
Drug prices highest in poorest neighborhoods
This is one reason we may need a Democratic reign. But then the party brings in so much excess baggage....
I hate knee-jerk REPUBLICANS! I hate knee-jerk DEMOCRATS! I HATE KNEE JERKS!
P. S. Somebody alert QUIN -- SOCIALISTS RUN REUTERS!!!!!
This is one reason we may need a Democratic reign. But then the party brings in so much excess baggage....
I hate knee-jerk REPUBLICANS! I hate knee-jerk DEMOCRATS! I HATE KNEE JERKS!
P. S. Somebody alert QUIN -- SOCIALISTS RUN REUTERS!!!!!
Another reason to PRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAISE THE LORD:
Gates: Future for U.S. Nuke Arsenal Looks 'Bleak'
And with Treasury Secretary BARNEY announcing a 25% defense cut that future may look bleaker. By the way Barn, it's not just sabre-rattling; it's keeping our missiles and warheads from going kerflooey.
My guess is The Lord will let the Secretary of Defense know who the real Secretary is.
Gates: Future for U.S. Nuke Arsenal Looks 'Bleak'
And with Treasury Secretary BARNEY announcing a 25% defense cut that future may look bleaker. By the way Barn, it's not just sabre-rattling; it's keeping our missiles and warheads from going kerflooey.
My guess is The Lord will let the Secretary of Defense know who the real Secretary is.
Okay Dave: Is this a mea culpa or a middle finger?
The bad news: KAPLANCO up nearly 49. The good news: the bond-rating agencies may downgrade its debt.
P. S. at 6:26 p.m. It turns out there's a KAPLANCO in the learning biz -- and it's not related. So we'll just call it KAPLAN INC. KAPLAN INC. does.
The bad news: KAPLANCO up nearly 49. The good news: the bond-rating agencies may downgrade its debt.
P. S. at 6:26 p.m. It turns out there's a KAPLANCO in the learning biz -- and it's not related. So we'll just call it KAPLAN INC. KAPLAN INC. does.
Now, having all but elected His Holiness, having swooned over Him and kissed His feet, NEWS HACKS are now starting into their MEA CULPA MODE for having done so!
I HATE NEWS HACKS!!!!!!!!!!
(Via, oh well, Contentions)
I HATE NEWS HACKS!!!!!!!!!!
(Via, oh well, Contentions)
The TWXSTERS have re-issued the Our Gang shorts on DVD, and it sounds to us like a mixed blessing -- at best:
In one particularly eyebrow-raising short, Stymie - Buckwheat's predecessor as the main black member of the gang - thinks his brother has been turned into a monkey by a magician. In another, Lincoln Perry, the notorious actor known as Stepin Fetchit, turns up as Stymie's shuffling, slow-talking dad.
We salute PEOPLE WARNER for refusing to censor this sort of thing (that means George Feltenstein, the extraordinary head of Warner's video archive operations), but we never found these shorts funny as we watched Al Alberts Showcase (those who saw it will know what we mean), and the dialogue was soooooooooooooo sloooooooooooooooow, and you could drive three 150-car freight trains through the pauses, and all the jokes were written by Western Union, and there was that infernal one-tempo mickey-mouse music (which sounded better issued on CD -- slightly). Such Our Gang gags would not be funny in Warner cartoons (we're thinking the monumentally-banned "Coal Black") -- and we know they're not funny in live action, and especially when Our Gang does them...and they're definitely NOT funny with Stepin Fetchit.
And we've bought all four of Sony's new Three Stooges collections thus far, itself a mark of dubious taste.
In one particularly eyebrow-raising short, Stymie - Buckwheat's predecessor as the main black member of the gang - thinks his brother has been turned into a monkey by a magician. In another, Lincoln Perry, the notorious actor known as Stepin Fetchit, turns up as Stymie's shuffling, slow-talking dad.
We salute PEOPLE WARNER for refusing to censor this sort of thing (that means George Feltenstein, the extraordinary head of Warner's video archive operations), but we never found these shorts funny as we watched Al Alberts Showcase (those who saw it will know what we mean), and the dialogue was soooooooooooooo sloooooooooooooooow, and you could drive three 150-car freight trains through the pauses, and all the jokes were written by Western Union, and there was that infernal one-tempo mickey-mouse music (which sounded better issued on CD -- slightly). Such Our Gang gags would not be funny in Warner cartoons (we're thinking the monumentally-banned "Coal Black") -- and we know they're not funny in live action, and especially when Our Gang does them...and they're definitely NOT funny with Stepin Fetchit.
And we've bought all four of Sony's new Three Stooges collections thus far, itself a mark of dubious taste.
The NEW! CW™ says the press is biased against Boobs but it isn't really biased because the bias is a momentum bias and not an ideological bias, and one kind of bias cancels another out, and...
Guys, why not just sell out to KAPLANCO as we think you will?
P. S. We had previously referred to a KAPLANCORP until we discovered there's a contractor of that name in Massachusetts, with a Web site, and not wishing to embarrass an innocent party, we'll now speak of KAPLANCO -- enough for a GUILTY party.
Guys, why not just sell out to KAPLANCO as we think you will?
P. S. We had previously referred to a KAPLANCORP until we discovered there's a contractor of that name in Massachusetts, with a Web site, and not wishing to embarrass an innocent party, we'll now speak of KAPLANCO -- enough for a GUILTY party.
And in other Hollywood buncombe:
No NORM, we couldn't do it without YOU APPLYING THE TAPE.
Although this article unintentionally points out how susceptible we are to fads, and this may be America's most faddish election ever.
No NORM, we couldn't do it without YOU APPLYING THE TAPE.
Although this article unintentionally points out how susceptible we are to fads, and this may be America's most faddish election ever.
How do we know NEWS HACKS have gone too far?
When Linda Bloodworth-Thomason criticizes KEITH O!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Via MediaBistro)
When Linda Bloodworth-Thomason criticizes KEITH O!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Via MediaBistro)
The World's Greatest Blogger stumbles upon an ASTOUNDING, ORIGINAL thought, much as Newton discovered gravity when the apple found him: Are these two bozos the BEST we can DO?
Jeez, now we understand your EARTH-SHATTERING REPUTATION, Perfesser!
Or to quote from Forbeslist's Thought of the Day:
"Boldness becomes rarer, the higher the rank."
-Karl Von Clausewitz
(Via Contentions, which is known for falling apples too)
Jeez, now we understand your EARTH-SHATTERING REPUTATION, Perfesser!
Or to quote from Forbeslist's Thought of the Day:
"Boldness becomes rarer, the higher the rank."
-Karl Von Clausewitz
(Via Contentions, which is known for falling apples too)
Monday, October 27, 2008
Mohamed ElBaradei, the chief of the International Atomic Energy Agency, said in a speech on Monday that the number of reports of nuclear or radioactive material stolen around the world last year was “disturbingly high.”
Best not to ask what the League of Nations will "do" about it. We know.
Best not to ask what the League of Nations will "do" about it. We know.
Deep Throat had a director?!?!?
Say guys, if you want more heds like "LA Times Lays Off 75", you'll run lengthy obits with the word "iconic." RIGHT PINCH?
Say guys, if you want more heds like "LA Times Lays Off 75", you'll run lengthy obits with the word "iconic." RIGHT PINCH?
Shucks, Sen. Moderate and Jack "Drone" Reed won't help The Lord. What shall He do?
(Via Marc Ambinder)
(Via Marc Ambinder)
I think I see what Jonny's trying to get at -- that Al Franken could be a great Senator because he's iconoclastic. Problem is (beyond the cliché that Congress reeks with comedians) the House already had a Rush Limbaugh, and PILLHEAD's partisans ascribe to Him a fiery wit, which usually takes the form of self-serving tantrums. No, we'd guess Al's iconcolasm won't rise above the level of boilerplate, seasoned with an occasional media-friendly bon mot, or, with luck, a little foolish foot-stomping --- and we doubt he'll pass as much legislation as wind.
Better still, of course, would be to let Franken be Franken, or rather what he thinks Franken should be, which would mean a campaign issue every day.
(Via The Daily Beast)
Better still, of course, would be to let Franken be Franken, or rather what he thinks Franken should be, which would mean a campaign issue every day.
(Via The Daily Beast)
The Lord's Acolyte of the Interior at Columbia:
[H]e told the audience he decided not to run for president because he had clashed with his party over so many issues. But, he said, "Maybe I was wrong."
Thou? Wrong? Never.
[H]e told the audience he decided not to run for president because he had clashed with his party over so many issues. But, he said, "Maybe I was wrong."
Thou? Wrong? Never.
In the presence of The Lord, every hack "with a notepad and a word processor thinks he's Norman Mailer."
Thus it has always been, only more so.
Meanwhile the LALATimes has just laid off another 75, mostly in its publici -- er, feature-writing department, which has no relation to this, nor will the layoffs to come.
Thus it has always been, only more so.
Meanwhile the LALATimes has just laid off another 75, mostly in its publici -- er, feature-writing department, which has no relation to this, nor will the layoffs to come.
The BEEB has its own O--- and A------ (we'd rather not have to mention their names)...
The show was cleared for broadcast by a senior editorial person at the corporation, although making malicious or abusive phone calls is a crime and can lead to a fine or a sentence of up to six months in prison.
...and an ostrich farm too!
The show was cleared for broadcast by a senior editorial person at the corporation, although making malicious or abusive phone calls is a crime and can lead to a fine or a sentence of up to six months in prison.
...and an ostrich farm too!
U.S. newspaper circulation declines accelerate
LET US PRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAISE THE LORD!
LET US PRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAISE THE LORD!
A condo architect scratches his head over the Great Manhattan Condo Boom, and comes up with an answer:
And what will the market look like a year or two from now? “I think there will be a lot of empty apartments,” he said.
And what will the market look like a year or two from now? “I think there will be a lot of empty apartments,” he said.
Let's take a guess: What has required more resources at the oh-no-we're-not-in-default StinkyInky Publishing Co.: local news since January, or the SPECIAL TWENTY-SECTION SOUVENIR WORLD SERIES VICTORY EDITIONS!!!!!?
Meantime USAOKAY!!!!! campaigns for the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee, meaning with markets tanking we're looking at below $9.00 a share for GCI, n'est'ce pas?
Oh well, Democrats in government can't help everybody. Unless we have a NEWSPAPER BAILOUT PLAN.
Oh well, Democrats in government can't help everybody. Unless we have a NEWSPAPER BAILOUT PLAN.
Okay KAPLANCORP, how do we CAMPAIGN on this story?
1. Oh not to worry, President Obama will NEVER take away your GUNS!
2. SERVES THE REDNECKS RIGHT!
1. Oh not to worry, President Obama will NEVER take away your GUNS!
2. SERVES THE REDNECKS RIGHT!
Last line of a review of what by all accounts is a very fine critical film compendium by David Thomson:
So why bother to ask, as he does here, “Is it possible that the movies are going to end up as museum pieces?” They already have.
So why bother to ask, as he does here, “Is it possible that the movies are going to end up as museum pieces?” They already have.
And I must post this picture from LALATimes.com of a funfest in San Diego because Blutos were clearly at work there. Thanks to these louts the San Diegans will be voting on whether to ban alcohol from their beaches. Anything that quiets Blutoism I favor.
And in the end I see little difference from drunks honking horns and drunks rioting, because it takes so little to touch them off. That may be why we don't have SELIGFEST games on Fridays -- or deciding games on Saturdays.
I think I know why these Blutos cheering gets on my nerves. Fifty years ago fans would have celebrated with a few minutes of cheering and camaraderie and quiet contentment. Now the game is for child-men to see who can make the biggest drunken ass of himself, all because they saw it in a fifth-rate "comedy". It's this desire for permanent adolescence that has scarred the boomers and their offspring. Permanent adolescence may be at the heart of the mindless spending that has brought on the credit mess. I could do without the Blutos showing off. Fortunately a blowout on a Sunday night has taken some of the sting out of their celebration.
And what with Selig's brilliant management this could be the first single-digit-rated SELIGFEST ever. People are only watching here, in a town thinking it can cheer off low esteem and arrested development; they're barely watching in Tampa. The Bill Gates of Sport deserves it. But does America deserve it? We once followed the Series, the Miss America Pageant, the Os-CAR®s. Now they're shadows. What good does it obtain us not to be able to hang our hopes on anything?
And what with Selig's brilliant management this could be the first single-digit-rated SELIGFEST ever. People are only watching here, in a town thinking it can cheer off low esteem and arrested development; they're barely watching in Tampa. The Bill Gates of Sport deserves it. But does America deserve it? We once followed the Series, the Miss America Pageant, the Os-CAR®s. Now they're shadows. What good does it obtain us not to be able to hang our hopes on anything?
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Bunsen Honeydews may try to convince us that their research on providing human brains with a glorified USB port "will let a paralyzed person pick up a cup and take a drink of water" and all that, but the fact remains when such a human-computer interface becomes reality we will cease our identity as homo sapiens.
(Via Arts & Letters Daily, with its usual oblivious squib)
Speaking of, the latest notion is that Nukeman is "exhausted", to which we say, something was supposed to be wrong with North Korea's midget tyrant, and somehow evil endured.
Oh, I forgot -- Dubya says we're not supposed to call the midget evil anymore.
Oh, I forgot -- Dubya says we're not supposed to call the midget evil anymore.
If it's Sunday it must be Big Double-A Scribble Time;
1. We can thank the -- whatever this economic hiccup is (not to mention private-label firms) for disabusing consumer-goods outfits of the notion they can raise prices with impunity.
2. We can further thank the -- whatever this economic hiccup is for disabusing content providers of thinking they can charge $200 a month for cable and the like and $1000 a year for formerly "advertiser-supported media" with impunity.
3. The tiresome political sites that will see traffic evaporate after Election Day think they can stem the outward flow of eyeballs with line extensions. Good luck!
4.
PepsiCo and its extremely PC CEO are spending zillions changing their flagship's logo, thinking it can drive sales. To which we say, what good did changing the logo do AT&T or UPS?
1. We can thank the -- whatever this economic hiccup is (not to mention private-label firms) for disabusing consumer-goods outfits of the notion they can raise prices with impunity.
2. We can further thank the -- whatever this economic hiccup is for disabusing content providers of thinking they can charge $200 a month for cable and the like and $1000 a year for formerly "advertiser-supported media" with impunity.
3. The tiresome political sites that will see traffic evaporate after Election Day think they can stem the outward flow of eyeballs with line extensions. Good luck!
4.
PepsiCo and its extremely PC CEO are spending zillions changing their flagship's logo, thinking it can drive sales. To which we say, what good did changing the logo do AT&T or UPS?
Apparently flipping the bird to TV viewers with the annoying SeligSigns™ behind home plate while getting a chance to rest your feet on a luxury-box railing won't cut it when your shares fall 76 percent.
Oh by the way SELIG, that was quite a COUP you engineered there -- starting a game at 10 p. m.! That should do WONDERS for your ratings!
Oh by the way SELIG, that was quite a COUP you engineered there -- starting a game at 10 p. m.! That should do WONDERS for your ratings!
While the Democratic SuperCongress is busy with its kangaroo court against VEEP BIG-OIL AND CO. maybe it could investigate where all our hyperrich-banker bailout money is going.
(Via Jim Fallows)
(Via Jim Fallows)
One thing that increasingly bothers us is that "investors" (or rather, disinvestors) have thrown the proverbial baby out with the bath water. Looking at charts we're astonished how many stocks just cratered in September. We wonder if indexes like the DJIA and the S&P may actually underestimate the carnage. When a company like Pep Boys has a market cap less than the value of its store fixtures that should be a bargain, but with the disinvestors throwing stocks overboard right and left perhaps there is no rule for value.
There's a big fight in England over a supposed vast increase in on-air swearing, and the contest-rigging, news-biasing Beeb naturally says, "NOT ME!" (In the manner of big business by assuming a thoroughly fake "responsibility", that is.) The only solution to such trends is to give up. BIGMEDIA pay no attention to even the staunchest complaints, and the Web, which increasingly inspires them, is a worldwide sea of garbage.
Finally, KAPLANCORP engages in a little -- investigative reporting on Our Savior:
Sen. Barack Obama's record-breaking $150 million fundraising performance in September has for the first time prompted questions about whether presidential candidates should be permitted to collect huge sums of money through faceless credit card transactions over the Internet. [First graf]
And here is the source:
Concerns about anonymous donations seeping into the campaign began to surface last month, mainly on conservative blogs. [Beginning of fifth graf]
Translation: How about under $300 for KAPLANCORP next month?
Sen. Barack Obama's record-breaking $150 million fundraising performance in September has for the first time prompted questions about whether presidential candidates should be permitted to collect huge sums of money through faceless credit card transactions over the Internet. [First graf]
And here is the source:
Concerns about anonymous donations seeping into the campaign began to surface last month, mainly on conservative blogs. [Beginning of fifth graf]
Translation: How about under $300 for KAPLANCORP next month?
Interesting that in PaperofRe-CORD.com are two oddly complementary stories next door to each other in the Arts listings: the first about the fading tradition of New York cabaret, the second of an astonishing project that has unearthed the sounds of nineteenth-century classical musicians. In any other ages these would be a sideshow, but that these are lead cultural stories says where our culture is. Pop music is dead, and classical music is nearly dead, and one may as well say I'm not feeling so well myself.