Posted 8:18 PM by Gene

We'd guess this easily ignored story means HD-DVD players and drives will now have to be equipped for two competing formats, which means a long rollout for HD discs, which means more confusion and annoyance for TV buffs and computer users alike, which means -- the high-tech industry doing business as usual.

Posted 7:10 PM by Gene

Shucks, the majority of those surveyed by CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES said they don't want us to pull out of Iraq.

"Whether the war is a mistake is less relevant than what we should do now," said John McAdams, a political scientist at Marquette University in Milwaukee. "A fair number of people may think it's a mistake, but still don't want to lose."

And then there are those who think the war's a mistake and want us to lose, including many Democrats -- and MOST NEWS HACKS.

Posted 6:45 PM by Gene

Secretary of State Powell defends our incarcerations of terrorists?

And he says we should stay in Iraq for years?

What's gotten into him? Has he tired of -- LEAKING every ten minutes?

Posted 6:41 PM by Gene

U.S. Sen. Trent Lott says personal losses he suffered because of Hurricane Katrina will weigh on his decision whether to run for re-election in 2006.

The Mississippi Republican lost his waterfront home in Pascagoula during the Aug. 29 storm.

"It was about half my net worth. I have a $400,000 loss after the flood insurance," the former Senate majority leader said.

We don't want to be too hard on you Trent, but after the way you passed the Mickey Mouse Permanent Copyright Protection Act we say you'd be a GREAT lobbyist. Go for it!

Posted 4:24 PM by Gene

Heat, humidity and hurricanes -- and still they come to Florida, an alleged almost 1,000 a day!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!!! Another state turns to ticky tacky. One might not suppose it could become the California of the South, huh?

Posted 4:13 PM by Gene

P.S. All roads lead to Grover Norquist. He was the maestro and Abramoff's key ideological pawn. Will he be frog-marched off K Street in handcuffs? It would hardly shock me.

If an army of police and federal agents frog-marched hundreds of K Street lobbyists off in handcuffs it would hardly shock me either. I'd agree though, Grover Norquist, friend of Islamists, gives off a very strong skunk smell.

Via NRO, whose Ranesh opines:

Foer also says that Abramoff corrupted the whole conservative movement. I think the movement is more corrupt than it was 10 years ago.

I think when BUTTMAN finances CATO that goes without saying.

Posted 1:29 PM by Gene

Jack Anderson, who was once an important newspaper columnist, has died. RIP.

Posted 1:19 PM by Gene

And speaking of THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE, and as reported before, Jack "Everyone Under 17 Admitted" Fithian is FIGHTING BACK to make sure the moviegoing experience is BETTER THAN EVER! He may have a tough time, however, what with the junk on the screens, the junk on the floors, and the junk in the ears.

Posted 1:09 PM by Gene

Having initiated one Benny-Allen feud with the Derb, Andy S. tries to spark another with the PROFESSOR.

Isn't being a leading solo comedy act enough for you?

Posted 12:55 PM by Gene

Dubya admits he wiretapped but said what THE PAPER OF RE-CORD did was illegal.

Here's another story where two wrongs don't make a right. If the histories of J. Edgar Hoover and the CIA teach us anything it's that the secret-agent schemes can quickly get out of anyone's control. But then many of those whose hearts bleed over these DESECRATIONS OF THE CONSTITUTION would take offense in spying even on the HOLIEST of HOLY COCKROACHES and further agree the war in Iraq is lost. Honest, doesn't anybody have his head screwed on properly nowadays?

And I increasingly resent that media of all types take slavishly official positions: the MMMMMMMMMMSSSSSSSSSSMMMMMMMMMM of the Democratic Party, its heirs and assigns, SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS for Dubya lock, stock and platitude. Can we trust ANYONE to be honest?

Posted 12:39 PM by Gene

News hacks will be in a state of delirious tremors because APE III made a comeback -- but this is still less than some prognosticators predicted for the opening day. I'd further note that it appears for all PAUL DRECK'S proverbial blather the BEEEEEEEEEEE-OOOOOOOOOOO won't be that much higher than last year's -- and HUGH AND K-LO's favorite movie will be down by at least fifty percent, which again gets me to thinking whether WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!!!!! The Jesus Slasher Movie wasn't a fluke; but they will NOT STOP BOASTING that THEIR MOVIE will have evidently done more business in its first THREE days than THE APE might do in its first FIVE.

BETTER NEWS: BEEEEEEEEEEEE-OOOOOOOOOOOOO may be down next weekend from last year, when some now forgotten movies had the usual deceptive big opens.

Again, it is IDIOTIC to pay these manufactured numbers mind but movies are at the center of the HACKS' universe, and therefore are at the center of OUR universe.

P. S. Some good news: Lee's Movie Info says top-10 receipts are down from last week.

Posted 10:51 AM by Gene

Which is worse: GET-A-LIFES! spending their whole lives playing their computer games, or ECONOMISTS eructing about it?

(Via ArtsJournal.com)

Posted 10:36 AM by Gene

The NEW YORK POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! informs us that WALTER "THE SPYWARE COWBOY" WINCHELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! informs us that MEDIA WATCHDOGS (TRANSLATION: BRENT) are exercised because THE PAPER OF RE-CORD took that HOT story right out of a BOOK one of its AUTH -- REPORTERS cooked up for VIACON.

And wouldn't you know, the POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! copied off the WAPOST, which said the plug -- STORY came right on the heels of a totally coincidental NEWS PEG.

You can't trust ANYBODY in this biz.

(POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! story via -- who else? THE FREEP, which at times is the Web's version of OH, SHUT UP.)

Posted 10:26 AM by Gene

Gulf Arab leaders will call on Iran to shun nuclear weapons to avoid more instability in the energy-rich region already affected by volatility in Iraq, a senior official said on Saturday.

Yeah, you don't need nukes to incinerate Israel -- just big OIL bombs!

Posted 10:15 AM by Gene

OH oh, someone has alerted JONAH, the WORLD'S THINKER, that APE III is NOT DOING WELL! And he offers -- EXPLANATIONS! Such as -- THE APE IS HUMAN!

KEEP THIS GUY AWAY FROM MOVIES!

Posted 10:06 AM by Gene

JOE LIEBERMAN TURNS TRAITOR AGAIN!

We don't want to get too excited; Joe is merely the BOOBS McKEATING of the DEMOCRATS, and they both have morality and the drunken lout IMUS in common. Nonetheless it is heartening that not every Donkey Party member has lost his senses.

Posted 9:58 AM by Gene

MORT ZUCK throws a DOUBLE-WHAMMY on His site today: a gruesome photo of a suicide attempt of a notorious sex criminal, plus a teary valentine (UNCREDITED on the page it runs) to YOU-KNOW-WHO.

A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO RICHARD HUFF!

ZUCK, YOU CAN'T RUN OUT OF MONEY FAST ENOUGH.

P. S. January 9 will be a BAD DAY because thousands of hacks will be spending ALL DAY plugging ZONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN. With any luck a few will be fired for listening.

Posted 9:55 AM by Gene

There were lots of excellent albums during 2005....

Hundreds of excellent albums. THOUSANDS. Heck every pop-"music" act made an excellent album in 2005. That's why the biz enjoyed ALL-TIME-HIGH SALES this year. Right, guy?

Thank you for reminding us, ROBERT "OVER THE" HILBURN, why you deserved to be BOUGHT OUT.

Posted 9:52 AM by Gene

Many words get the news hacks' saliva flowing: Abortion. Iraq. Dubya. Movies. Entertainment. These words get them to spin and sell to their heart's delight. There are several words, however, that seem to force the hacks to hide under a desk in a boarded-up closet equipped with six dead-bolt locks. One of those words is SCIENTOLOGY.

Posted 9:35 PM by Gene

I wonder if I use the words "I wonder" too often.

Posted 9:20 PM by Gene

We can boil this article down to three words: taxes, spending, regulation. All three have ballooned in the last twenty-five years -- a putatively Republican time. One wonders if we're now past the point where government has grown so big it can never be reformed. We are surely not helped by Dukes, or Great Alaskan Boars, or Dubyas.

(Via NRO)

Posted 6:04 PM by Gene

Iran Could Be Sanctioned for Riling Israel

Oooh, scare me! Like each country in the EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-U doing one less $10-million-dollar deal a year!

THIS will bring IRAN to its KNEES!

Posted 5:58 PM by Gene

A company called Top Cow Productions has sold a comic-book -- GRAPHICAL NOVEL to the movies, meaning it can add to the world's supply of bovine methane.

Posted 5:46 PM by Gene

May we suggest that when five hundred hacks cover a story, and they all cover it the same way -- that they STOP COVERING THE STORY? Is it really necessary, for instance, to run hundreds of promos? Having untold hacks sell us stories like this in the same way guarantees that we'll get further from the truth, for all these hacks must hew to the same CW. Besides they think their newspapers as plywood boards and must whack us mercilessly under all circumstances, and we don't like being whacked by hacks.

News hacks specialize in sadism.

Posted 5:29 PM by Gene

I have sent a soon-to-be-trashed comment to Forbes.com for its exasperating practice of having a slide show to what seems like every story. The shows' information could be best told in one page; instead Little Malcolm forces his surfers to click click click through as many as ten slides -- all to expose his readers to ads. It is AT LEAST as bad as registrations, and shows a contempt for the reader. But I suppose it will continue so long as Little Malcolm boasts about his site's zillions of hits (and we'd guess the practice is meant to inflate those numbers too).

RICHIE-RICH MORONS.

Posted 5:04 PM by Gene

Rebuffing aggressive overtures from Microsoft, Time Warner has agreed to sell a 5 percent stake in America Online to Google for $1 billion as part of an expanded partnership between AOL, once the dominant company on the Internet, and Google, the current online king.

$20 billion -- that's a far cry from $350 BILLION, isn't it.

Which is where G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE will be in three months.

REMEMBER AOL PEOPLE WARNER!

Posted 4:57 PM by Gene

Let's see...there's GOT to be a WATERGATE here SOMEPLACE....

No more ROMY this week! I've overdosed!

Posted 4:54 PM by Gene

Effete Edelstein calls it "cataclysmic"!

Cataclysm: An occurrence inflicting widespread destruction and distress.

You mean like HURRICANE MEL?

Posted 2:43 PM by Gene

What's the difference between a Senator and a lobbyist?

Damned if we know, other than the Senator holds office, and the lobbyist holds office hostage.

Posted 2:38 PM by Gene

Today's a ROMY DAY! Dubya undercuts himself by having his brain go on autopilot and utter things like a walking, talking, dissembling, dyslexic cliche factory ("[I]t's important for the American people to understand that we will do--or I will use my powers to protect us, and I will do so under the law, and that's important for our citizens to understand"). News hacks (and out of respect for Mr. Lehrer we will not include him, as he's respectable) undercut themselves by wanting us to lose this war. Talk about being caught between a rock head and the rock heads of the hard place.

Posted 2:02 PM by Gene

Oops! Spoke too soon! BOB is joining FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!NEWS!

How long before he does something stupid there?

(Via -- inevitably -- THE FREEP, where they seem to be of two minds: a GREAT con-SER-va-tive, and an ass.)

P. S. Romy doesn't know yet, because he hates conservatives.

Posted 12:57 PM by Gene

ShowBizData.com: $6.2 million Thursday for APE III.

"Houston, we've got a problem."

The FLACKS who must keep likening this to Titanic, as if that's a compliment (their way of saying "please, dear God, let this be a smash, so I can still be in the most important business ever known!"), forget that was the fluke hit to end all fluke hits, and the reason was that millions of stupid teenage girls showed dozens of times to worship Leo, and to cry idiotically. Unless they have a sudden crush for the APE it now appears a similar fluke is unlikely.

Posted 11:55 AM by Gene

Bye BOB! Watch the door on the way out.

Posted 10:54 AM by Gene

We see Terry Teachout was very seriously ill, but is now out of the hospital and, we hope, ready to resume blogging -- and writing -- again.

Take care of yourself, Terry.

Posted 10:30 AM by Gene

Arab states quiet over Ahmadinejad remarks

Shhh, don't say anything, but that nutcase in Iran is OUR nutcase.

Posted 10:04 AM by Gene

Next May starts with Tom Cruise's "Mission: Impossible III" and "Poseidon," a remake of the disaster flick "The Poseidon Adventure," with Tom Hanks' "The Da Vinci Code," the superhero sequel "X-Men 3" and the animated tales "Cars" and "Over the Hedge" quickly following.

Who wants to bet the slump continues next year?

(Via ArtsJournal.com)

Posted 9:20 AM by Gene

Feds: Black ran his media empire as a criminal enterprise

He would not be the first one.

Posted 8:47 AM by Gene

NBC Universal names Zucker CEO of TV group

The PETER PRINCIPLE is at work again!

Posted 6:52 AM by Gene

Speaking of STERNO, I see ZONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN's paying for that brilliant blogger's god's last day on earth on Yahoo! You wonder why He didn't go whole hog and pull the Dayton Daily News gag on the site. Oh well, tah-tah, god. It was nice knowing your idle boasts.

And ZONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN, why does Your site make him look like a black militant?

OR:

“Who cares? I'm glad he's gone. It will open up mornings for buyers that have had to pass on the stations because of him.”

P. S. at 12:03 P. M. And speaking of the god, he gets a nice parting gift:

J.P. Morgan downgraded Sirius Satellite Radio and XM Satellite Corp. on Friday, saying both players in the burgeoning industry face near-term challenges to subscriber growth.

Posted 6:40 AM by Gene

We're surprised the what's-good-for-People-Warner brigade hasn't tried more such customer-insulting gimmicks; this gag is worthy of Mr. Mark -- or STERNO when he ran EEEEEEEEEEEEEW! We're in for MORE selling from news hacks, not less, and even those of us whose name is not ROMENESKO should be angry.

(Yes -- via YOU-KNOW-WHO)

Posted 6:32 AM by Gene

Count on news hacks and reeserchers to conspire on a hed:

Mona Lisa Was 83 Percent Happy

Posted 6:30 AM by Gene

It must be bad -- DA POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! reviewed it in rhyme -- to the tune of "Comedy Tonight", no less.

I suppose it's possible this greatness could still be a hit, and I'm girding up for that; the thing is, most of THE GREATEST MUSICAL OF ALL TIME's fans aren't 15-year-olds.

Posted 9:04 PM by Gene

David "NON" Germain couldn't have done a better job spinning APE III's income had he been in the Washington bureau and spinning BOOBS McKEATING.

And how apt on the same page as this egregious PR was THIS EGREGIOUS PR from WHORVIS COMMUNICATIONS. Lies, DAMN LIES AND PR.

Posted 7:33 PM by Gene

IT GETS BETTER:

Here's some grim news, especially if Mel Brooks holds a place in your personal ethos of funny and a mediocre movie musical is like a stake through your heart. "The Producers" on screen, as a musical, does not work. It is not very funny. It doesn't look right. It's depressing.

IT GETS BETTER:

'Producers' have a flop on their hands
Mel Brooks may have finally hit upon a way to lose money with "Springtime for Hitler."

OR:

As creaky as the traditional musicals it once poked fun at, "The Producers" has been entombed — lox, shtick and two smoking bagels — as a theatrical fossil, and reinforces the danger in returning to the same material one time too many.

IT GETS BETTER:

EVEN A. O. DOESN'T LIKE IT!

[H]ow come the movie feels, in every sense, like a rip-off? Nobody expects the jokes to be fresh or the songs to be any good. Some of the big laugh lines have been provoking groans since the first, nonmusical "Producers" movie way back in 1968, and probably even longer, since even that film was a fond, nostalgic embrace of a dying show business tradition. And no one - probably not even Mr. Brooks himself - would suggest that he belongs in the pantheon of American theatrical composers. ("I'm gonna put on shows that will enthrall 'em/ Read my name in Winchell's column"? It ain't Rodgers and Hammerstein. It ain't even M. C. Hammer.) So it may take a faithful rendering on-screen to reveal the real essence of "The Producers" in its musical incarnation - its vulgarity, its cynicism, its utter lack of taste, charm or wit.

I think we have a HIT on our hands!

P. S. I must confess I almost feel sorry for Kerngershwin: ad-blurbists lifted him to the skies, and now ad-blurbists are plunging him to where Beelzebub lurks. One wonders if this whole rotten spectacle would have happened if the blurbists hadn't been writing for their vanity. Consider this graf from the fool Jack Mathews:

I don't know if there's ever been a more awe-inspiring moment in theater than the "Springtime for Hitler" number in the play, when a mirrored ceiling tilts down and exposes the swastika created below - Busby Berkeley-like - by the dancing storm troopers.

Why does the thought of this scene not drive me to the hysterics the infernal flack John Heilpern had when he raved the masterpiece for the late Talk Magazine -- run by the WHINER BROTHERS, chief backers of the show? Having dancers doing a swastika formation -- and if that isn't obvious enough, having elaborate stage machinery demonstrate they're doing a swastika formation -- suggests the Pelion of unfunny piling on Ossa. An earlier, more discriminating theater crowd would have greeted it with boos and rotten eggs. THE GREATEST MUSICAL OF ALL TIME was just a fad like hula-hoops, a mania like tulip bulbs; but where those fads and mania were harmless, this one exposes the rot in our culture, as this show thoroughly depended upon unearned adulation, was the plaything of a small, self-centered, hermetic coterie of snobs, and proved again that in show-biz excellence is the flimsiest of constructs.

In short, this is one of the most overrated vehicles in all show-business history. And this is why I get no little satisfaction from these reviews -- a rueful satisfaction.

Posted 5:55 PM by Gene

Elvis sings again -- maybe.

Doesn't his label get first rights?

Posted 5:49 PM by Gene

SHUCKS:

BRATTLEBORO, Vt. (AP) -- A lesbian couple who entered into the nation's first same-sex civil union are splitting up amid allegations of violent behavior.

The state of Ben, Jerry, Congressman Commie and Sen. Profile-in-Courage mourns.

Bari Shamas, a member of the Vermont Freedom to Marry Task Force, said gay relationships are prone to the same difficulties as heterosexual marriages.

"There's no proof that our relationships are any better than heterosexual relationships," Shamas said.

What will ANDY S. say?

Posted 5:27 PM by Gene

The VOLOKHHEADS talk about that FACE TRANSPLANT'S ETHICS, meaning they lose us in the first graf, wordiness or no wordiness.

Posted 5:07 PM by Gene

Effete Edelstein continues his long goodbye to ST. WARREN by mentioning that he's become a favorite of THE SPYWARE COWBOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Needless to say they BOTH deserve each other.

On the other hand he calls KERNGERSHWIN HAMMERSTEIN'S MASTERWORK "EXCRUCIATING", so we'll cut him a LITTLE slack for now.

Posted 5:00 PM by Gene

There is much torturous posturing on both sides. We must have standards, and we trust our military men to abide by them. But there's no real way of knowing whether we're torturing people unless someone does an investigative report or decides to be a hero, or unless some COURAGEOUS CONGRESSPOOP wants to make an issue of it. Practically speaking I doubt it will have much impact, even as a PR statement. And if heaven forfend we are attacked again, it is highly unlikely people will be holier-than-thou about interrogations. We must say, though, any Republican who's a favorite of NEWS HACKS simply CANNOT BE TRUSTED.

Posted 2:15 PM by Gene

TIME WARNER FAMILY TIER LEAVES OUT NICKELODEON

This and the $12.99 monthly tithe atop the basic charge prove People Warner did this on purpose to show family cable tiers won't work.

They won't; but now we know that we cannot trust one word out of the CABLE CONSPIRACY, including "a" and "the."

And a la carte is coming through the Internet's back door whether you crooks like it or not.

Posted 1:38 PM by Gene

White House announces billions for levees

Ka-CHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 1:05 PM by Gene

According to ShowBizData.com APE III did $10 million its first day, which sounds low to me given the PR. The running time is no excuse as THE POPCORN RESTAURANT CONSPIRACY probably has it up on 10,000 screens. I'd guess it'll probably do as expected, but I wonder.

It also took some viewers out of HUGH and K-LO's favorite, and the rest of the biz hardly registered.

P. S. If APE III fizzles, LUKE SPIELBERG GETS HIS OSCAR®, no matter how overrated or PC He is.

P. P. S. At 5:15 P. M.: BoxOfficeMojo puts the number at $9,755,745, or $2,735 per venue -- or a little over $700 a venue more than The Polar Express in reissue at IMAX houses. Is the ape giving off flop sweat?

Also, THE GAY COWBOYS added two venues and its average went down by 25 percent. I wonder about that too.

It is PREPOSTEROUS to pay such close attention to these DUBIOUS numbers but after the UNCEASING PUBLICITY BARRAGE of recent weeks it's impossible not to.

Posted 10:37 AM by Gene

Turnout high for most peaceful vote so far

Do I hear more grumbling in the luxury news suites?

Posted 10:21 AM by Gene

With every passing day Ub Iger must rub His hands a little more expectantly, as He should soon get His chance to replace Nightlight (WE thought it up first!) with THE EDWARD R. MURROW OF COMEDY, or some other suitable rubbish. And the sooner the better, even if 10,000 NEWS HACKS must tell us how AWFUL the current rendition is.

We note this sentence in Tom Shales's review:

That was the third of the usual three segments on the program, traditionally [sic] the spot for news of the pop-culture scene -- a plug for George Clooney's film "Syriana" was the attraction on another night. [Emphasis added]

That is what every TV-news story on entertainment is. For that matter that's what every NEWS HACK story on entertainment is. But then His Former Highness Lord Koppel ran plugs too (witness his knighting of Bruce), so it may be more than just a pandering thing.

Posted 9:56 AM by Gene

As they always do with good economic news con-SER-va-tives will no doubt take credit for something where no credit is due, as this was nature's version of a roller coaster.

Posted 9:45 AM by Gene

The LALA Times has given its readers another reason to hope someday it goes out of business by having somebody write a tout -- BLOG about VEGAS.

Please guys, leave the blogging to professionals.

Posted 9:34 AM by Gene

The NEW Marie Antoinette Daily (we'll call it MAD) has ANOTHER BRAINSTORM:

What we are left with, then, is that people do not want real health insurance. I would gladly take a health insurance policy with a $10,000 deductible per individual, and I suspect that many of my wise, risk-averse TCS readers would, too. But we are in a tiny minority!

We'll bet you have a sugar daddy!

Posted 9:29 AM by Gene

I MISSED BUSH'S SPEECH TODAY, as I was in a faculty hiring meeting this afternoon....

Shucks Professor, you shouldn't let ANYTHING stand between you and your BLOG!

Posted 9:26 AM by Gene

And why should Joe Camel sell drinking?

Posted 9:22 AM by Gene

Ford flip-flops, as we half-expected it might, proving once again business is nothing if not PC (when it isn't psychotic). But given the stock is in single-digits we suspect (as do some alleged "experts") it's a question of multiplying an ad budget by 0.

Posted 8:44 AM by Gene

Mort Zuck has folded his reincarnation of Spy, and while we too would like a smart, sassy, fearless magazine, one Spy may have been too many.

And face it, maybe names aren't as risible as they used to be.

(Via -- YOU-KNOW-WHO)

Posted 8:23 AM by Gene

Philip Roth has a suggestion:

"Now you're talking! I would be wonderful with a 100-year moratorium on literature talk, if you shut down all literature departments, close the book reviews, ban the critics. The readers should be alone with the books, and if anyone dared to say anything about them, they would be shot or imprisoned right on the spot. Yes, shot. A 100-year moratorium on insufferable literary talk. You should let people fight with the books on their own and rediscover what they are and what they are not. Anything other than this talk. Fairytale talk. As soon as you generalise, you are in a completely different universe than that of literature, and there's no bridge between the two."

Rewrite this to add movies, music, recorded sound, television and thea-TAH and we say AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMEN!!!!!

(Via Arts Journal.com)

Posted 6:47 AM by Gene

We hate to harp on what we thought would be the sleeper of the Oscar® season, but we wonder if KERNGERSHWIN HAMMERSTEIN's problem isn't that his movie is so bad as maybe his musical wasn't that good, but that a series of events turned it into a "you-had-to-be-there." How can The Boys be so wonderful on stage and so terrible on screen? If this were truly an outstanding show it would have worked regardless. Granted, few stage musicals have made a totally successful transition to film, but it can be done. It can't be done when the property is full of knowing smirks, rancid ham acting, fourth-rate gags and fifth-rate tunes. And that, I'm afraid, is the problem with THE GREATEST MUSICAL OF ALL TIME, and once again the Noo Yawk ad-blurbists show themselves up as monumental asses.

This may also explain why The Boys plugged the "end" of their partnership as they plugged the movie the other day. This is the end, and given the delighted reviews that greeted their Branson East exercise in greed we would advise them to take the money and run at the end of the run.

P. S. The worst part about THE GREATEST MUSICAL OF ALL TIME is the crowd-pleasin' dishonesty of its premise, which must have been cute even in 1968. If instead of a HITLER MUSICAL The Boys had produced an ANTI-SEMITIC [C]RAP CONCERT the ad-blurbists would have zipped up their terminals. It might also have been (theoretically) a show worthy of Ben Jonson. But alas, we could never have greatness from a center of the universe like KERNGERSHWIN HAMMERSTEIN.

Posted 6:46 AM by Gene

It's official: business is a psychosis.

Posted 7:25 PM by Gene

Jimmah has apologized to the family of a recently deceased Baptist leader for cleverly likening him to the Ayatollah Khomeini.

Jimmah probably should not be likening anybody to that late, great statesman, owing as how he helped install him. That said, Jimmah was merely exercising the impulse of certain morons to call Christians Jihadists, a practice the late GLIBERAL perfected by turning his face beet red and and swelling his head to three times normal when doing so. We understand Jimmah may still be annoyed by how his presidency turned out, but we'd suggest he leave the freak shows to the freaks, however much he may yearn to be one.

(Via -- oh well -- THE FREEP)

Posted 5:32 PM by Gene

OH oh: Lou "10-Watt" Lumenick, one of the guys who went NUTS over APE III, is mad because it wasn't nominated for the Golden Glob. But in this commentary of those singularly idiotic awards he also had this to say, which means we can't entirely badmouth the guy:

The HPFA [Does that not sound like an acronym for a federal hospital agency or what? --ED.] gives separate awards in several categories for comedies and musicals, and the best picture list here is almost as strange.

There are actually a couple of mainstream movies here, though one of them, the ungainly movie version of the Broadway hit "The Producers," is surely among the very worst major movies turned out by Hollywood this year.

And considering the level of Hollywood's genius THAT is the equivalent of challenging a man to a duel.

He's also badmouthing THE GAY COWBOYS. This will be a GREAT year for the OSCARS®!

P. S. With deepest apologies to the great Johnny Mercer, I've come up with the first two lines of a great lyric:

I'm a gay cowhand
From the movie land.

I only wish I could come up with the rest. Maybe it's just as well.

Posted 5:25 PM by Gene

Conservatives might be on stronger ground going after the profusion of warning labels and brochures, as there is little to protect an idiot from himself.

Posted 5:20 PM by Gene

We know we shouldn't fall into the "anecdotal" trap, but when it takes a newspaper to solve an AmEx card problem you can be sure AmEx does not give the proverbial tinker's damn about its customers.

Posted 5:11 PM by Gene

Which raises a question: what's the difference between movie ad-blurbists and the crowds in "The Emperor's New Clothes"?

"But he hasn't got anything on," a little child said.

"Did you ever hear such innocent prattle?" said its father. And one person whispered to another what the child had said, "He hasn't anything on. A child says he hasn't anything on."

"But he hasn't got anything on!" the whole town cried out at last.

The Emperor shivered, for he suspected they were right. But he thought, "This procession has got to go on." So he walked more proudly than ever, as his noblemen held high the train that wasn't there at all.

Famous last words of Dorky Denbys and Effete Edelsteins.

Posted 5:09 PM by Gene

We would not be surpised if this infernal annoyance attracts a nationwide audience because it's a Bette Davis film in drag. On the other hand, we would not be surprised if it doesn't draw a nationwide audience for that same reason.

With stories like this banging us over the head all the time we would not be surprised if someday we donate our computer to charity, or spare it the agony and just dump it in the trash.

And NO, MICKEY, we are NOT impressed that you call a fellow Stale.com's scribbler's scribble "annoying," as you no doubt have much kinder words in private.

Posted 5:03 PM by Gene

Romy and his pals may think beancounting like this proves they're unbiased, that if anything they bend over backwards to please conservatives. It proves nothing; if a news organization were to quote all conservative sources (not right nor likely) and consistently engaged in the liberal slanting and weasel-wording it would STILL be liberal.

Posted 2:59 PM by Gene

MITT'S RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT!

Officially.

More or less.

Posted 2:56 PM by Gene

Why Are Workers Earning Less Than They Used To?

Because of -- ENVIRONMENTAL REGULATIONS!!!!!

We may presume FREE ENTERPRISE has nothing to do with it.

When Dow 36,000's guys want to they can go KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH! with the best of them.

Posted 11:20 AM by Gene

Shucks, Katie would get a PRICE CUT for hectoring the people?

Do you still want to RULE THE WORLD?

(Via -- YOU-KNOW-WHO)

Posted 9:25 AM by Gene

Somebody named T. D. Banknorth wants to put video ads on his dull slab of Boston concrete, which is okay by us -- especially if he can get TAXPAYERS to pay for them, and maybe cause a few traffic accidents, which would be nicer.

Posted 9:18 AM by Gene

Gotta be THE FREEP -- AGAIN:

DAM FAILS IN MISSOURI! PEOPLE REPORTED MISSING (JUST BREAKING!)

And someone links to:

Dam Breaks in Missouri, One Person Reported Missing

Really, we'd rather you guys obsessed over GAY COWBOYS, and their PUBLICIST.

Posted 9:03 AM by Gene

When Slick went on his nation-building jag, con-SER-va-tives laughed. Now that it's part of official Pentagon policy, what will they say?

Posted 8:54 AM by Gene

Which came first: the bad cars or the loss of dealerships?

Someow we doubt it will get that bad. Auto dealers must be like supermarkets and offer the biggest variety. Then again maybe they have too much rotten produce.

Posted 8:41 AM by Gene

People Inc. had what hacks always like to call a BLOODBATH, but please pardon us for thinking the veins have run dry:

Among those losing their jobs are Jack Haire, exec VP-corporate sales and marketing group; Richard Atkinson, exec VP- news and information group; Eileen Naughton, president, the Time group; David Kieselstein, president, the parenting group; Fred Poust, senior VP-sales and marketing, corporate sales, under Mr. Haire; and Steve Buerger, VP- sales and marketing, corporate sales.

Job cuts are always painful, yet given those titles we must wonder how many of these positions were truly necessary. God knows there are already enough figureheads in corporate America. Now why couldn't People Warner have fired some WRITERS, like DICK "GUNS CAUSED COLUMBINE" CORLISS?

P. S. Romy breathes a sigh of relief: "Fewer than 20 of the departing employees are from the editorial side of the company." People Inc. can STILL TELL THE TRUTH!

Posted 8:35 AM by Gene

A review of three new John Simon anthologies reminds us what we don't have any more, and why we're the poorer for it.

P. S. Someone named John Simon writes occasional reviews for BloomyLite, but we're convinced it's an imposter.

(Via ArtsJournal.com)

Posted 8:19 AM by Gene

The RELIGIOUS RIGHT IS CENS -- is AWAKENING MEDIA! GOD knows what TERROR this means for AMERICA'S COUCH POTATOES!!!!!

To its credit BW quotes from neither STERNO nor The American League of Air Polluters. That's progress.

Although it's strange a business rag should write about morals with a slight sneer, after ENRON, MCI WORLDCOM, etc., etc., ETC.

Posted 8:12 AM by Gene

Sirius has God -- XM has...SHAKESPEARE!!

But only once a week.

Posted 6:59 AM by Gene

No! NO!! A PAN for THE GAY COWBOYS!!!!!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, a shrug anyway. This is Andrew Sarris, who's written ad blurbs for 200 years.

P. S. Another less-than rave -- from The New York Press, which few have heard of, and which, in any case, is considered...con-SER-va-tive.

First thing to know about Brokeback Mountain is that it doesn't remotely take place in the real world.

Gay cowboys? Meet MOVIE AD BLURBISTS!

Posted 6:50 AM by Gene

DAVID CASSIDY (!) does THE RAT PACK -- with SPECIAL GUEST STAR BOBBY DARIN!!!!!

The actor would sit in the audience until one of the Rat Packers would say, "And now we have a special guest, Mr. Bobby Darin!"

Cassidy, says a source, would then "come out of the audience like a bolt of lightning," performing his two songs — "Mack the Knife" and "Beyond the Sea" — "with the energy of a tsunami."

He'd bound over to the saxophone player and shout in his ear: "Hey, man, give me the reeds!"

"The guy playing the saxophone was terrified," says a production source. "He winced every time David came near him."

Cassidy also exhorted the audience to snap their fingers along with him.

If not enough people started snapping, he'd yell: "Hey, I said, snap your fingers!"

"They were trying to eat, but he was so aggressive, they'd drop their knives and forks and try to snap with him," says a source.

It wasn't easy, since Cassidy sometimes had trouble finding the beat, so the finger snapping was all over the place.

Dave, you oughta come to Branson East -- the NEW AUDIOANIMATRONICS CAPITAL of the WORLD!

P. S. The show is closed, and not for repairs -- but our invitation is ALWAYS open!

P. P. S. EXCELLENT NEWS: The Supper Club has replaced David's Rat Pack with THE RAT PACK!!

Or rather with "Gary Anthony as Frank Sinatra, Russ Loniello as Dean Martin and Louis Velez as Sammy Davis Jr."

Gary, Russ and Louis -- perhaps we can get it to have a kind of ring to it.

Maybe they can still get Dave to jump up on the stage as Bobby Darin and bother the sax man, if they have one.

BETTER: It's coming straight from engagements in "London, Las Vegas, Branson, MO, and Europe"!!!!! (I guess London's not in Europe.) Branson East's getting more like the real thing every day!

Or as this hack must say, it's "coming in to fill the void", which suggests a void's filling a void left by a void.

[First link updated 9/7/2008]

Posted 6:43 AM by Gene

It's merely a question now of which tyrant will run People Warner. It's bad either way, although we prefer four or five People Warners, if only to undo the damage of SYNERGY.

Posted 6:40 AM by Gene

That Iranian president is a laff riot!

And we suspect lots of others are laughing along, and shaking their heads -- and feigning disgust.

P. S. at 7:15 p.m.:

The United States, Israel and the European Commission -- along with individual European countries -- have condemned the remark.

The other Arabs lowered their heads to somewhere beneath their legs.

Posted 7:59 PM by Gene

When I was a little boy I wanted to be one of two things: a pain where the sun don't shine, or a Hollywood publicist.

The Web lets me do both!

And I don't have to grow up either!

Posted 7:44 PM by Gene

Forgive us for thinking Bob Ney is the Congresspoop who once made a speech on the floor of the House with a paper bag over his head.

He should.

Posted 7:40 PM by Gene

Here's a new one from CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES: a press release for a TV show -- AFTER it bombed in the ratings.

You have the DVD rights? Or is this a joint venture with THE SPYWARE COWBOY?

(Via -- all too inevitably -- THE FREEP)

Posted 6:26 PM by Gene

2006 Brings Many 'Da Vinci'-Esque Books

TRANSLATION: Imitation is the sincerest form of making money.

Posted 5:51 PM by Gene

House Republicans, UAW Reach Pensions Deal

I guess that means it'll nickel-and-dime workers -- AND cost a lot of money.

Posted 5:18 PM by Gene

Richard Cohen demonstrates why our reliance on hacks to do one thing and only one thing damages our culture, and no more so than with the career effete snobs of film. I suspect this quote will NOT appear above the title:

It's impossible to summarize the plot of "Syriana." Most reviewers have called it complicated, often using the term as a compliment. I can tell you from firsthand experience that you will never know what's going on. It's doubtful the screenwriter-director himself, Stephen Gaghan, can tell you. The best I can do is quote from the New York Times review by A.O. Scott, who says the movie is an "intriguing narrative about oil, terrorism, money and power." Scott, incidentally, loved the movie.

But the reason I include "Syriana" in my imaginary time capsule is not its complicated plot but its simplistic politics. Again, I turn to Scott: "Someone is sure to complain that the world doesn't really work the way it does in 'Syriana': that oil companies, law firms and Middle Eastern regimes are not really engaged in semiclandestine collusion. . . . O.K., maybe. Call me naive -- or paranoid, or liberal, or whatever the favored epithet is this week -- but I'm inclined to give Mr. Gaghan the benefit of the doubt." As you can see, movie critics spend a lot of time in the dark.

To be sure, his take on this movie is as fresh as his take on politics is usually stale; but we can't expect the ad-blurbists to write a good political column because their outlook is 100% stale. Mr. Cohen has said in so many words why we cannot trust the blurbists, and sadly, by extension most news hacks: from long training and experience they have their heads buried in CW sand, and are getting in deeper.

Posted 4:45 PM by Gene

I will make a prediction: minus a gale-force stink of Effete Edelsteining (which may well happen), popular music won't recover in our lifetimes. It's in the same morbid shape as our movies, with a fake glow of health from technology. Again we must look back to the 19th century. What has survived from it save stray folk tunes? Or the occasional Gay-Nineties weepie like "After the Ball"? (And that from its use in Show Boat.) Stephen Foster, the pre-eminent pop composer of his time, wrote songs dead to ours: minstrel tunes about "darkies", and flowery parlor ballads. Perhaps the technology can preserve the junk, as formaldehyde preserves the corpse; the professional toady Michael Wolff shrewdly observed that technology kept stupid rock tunes alive far longer than they had a right to live, and thus set up the current downfall. But the 19th century had its technology too: it was called the piano. Nearly every decent home had one, and some households were voracious buyers of sheet music; multi-million sellers were not uncommon. The piano in turn was overtaken by the phonograph, and the early days of the industry teach us a lesson too. Anyone here remember Alma Gluck singing "Carry Me Back to Old Virginny"? It was a million seller for Victor. Not long after Paul Whiteman, on the same label, recorded a multi-million-selling whatisit called "Whispering", starring a slide whistle. Today Whiteman is remembered, if at all, as a fat man with an odd face who introduced Bing Crosby (who has himself suffered undue neglect), Bix Beiderbecke, Hoagy Carmichael and the Rhapsody in Blue. Even a titan like George M. Cohan, the first consistent writer of good, memorable pop songs, is forgotten but for his patriotic tunes and Jimmy Cagney. There is one more reason a new creative burst of pop music can't happen: the three decades of immortal songs of the twenties through the fifties were largely an accident, and today's long lemming march of lousy tunes is intentional.

P. S. on 4/2/2006: Scholarly research of Victor Talking Machine's files by those fine antediluvian-record buffs at Mainspring Press indicates the old-tyme record biz was just as good at propogating untruth as the new: Alma Gluck's recording sold "only 70,189 copies," and Paul Whiteman's sold 214,575 -- excellent sales for their day, but hardly a million.

Posted 3:25 PM by Gene

1,150 words over an inane turf battle. The hacks will slant whatever the venue, whatever the name, whatever the size or color or style of the font. That the hacks are making such a big thing out of a lousy title after a year that reeked with news slanting says a great deal for their sincerity.

(Via -- YOU-KNOW-WHO)

Posted 1:48 PM by Gene

I know this is supposed to be an aw-isn't-that-cute press release, but to me it's just another step toward a race of androids, or a world of Frankenstein monsters.

Posted 1:12 PM by Gene

I guess COLUMBIA JERNALISM REVUE has gotten into the satire biz full time.

Leaving aside whether the ne plus ultra of self-parody should be doing satire, we'll say this: if Little Malcolm gets into his annoying Richie Rich mode, the editors of the REVUE can equally get into a POMPOUS ASS mode.

(Via -- YOU-KNOW-WHO)

Posted 12:15 PM by Gene

"We were and still are the most important Italian city in terms of producing things," Gattino says. "The attitude of people here is very disciplined and very much an attitude toward work. ... People in Torino thought they had to produce, they had to build cars. Leisure was the last thing."

But work is a shrinking commodity in Torino.

At its peak as Italy's Motown in the '80s, Fiat had 100,000 employees here. Now, it's 15,000.

TRANSLATION: Italy's Rust Belt got the GE BANCORP GAMES!

Hey Ed! GOV! I suggest we lobby GE BANCORP to stage their summer games in PITTSBURGH!

Posted 12:00 PM by Gene

At the Freep the true believers appear to be having big fights over whether WALTER "THE SPYWARE COWBOY" WINCHELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s -- you know.

I doubt it. He's already in love with four things: himself, his fortune, his hat, and the hole it covers up.

P. S. Freep pulled the thread, presumably because he's in negotiations with them.

Posted 11:11 AM by Gene

America's (Second) Biggest Hawk

IS BOOBS McKEATING RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT?

And is he auditioning press secretaries?

(Sorry for the FRONTPAGE MAGAZINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Posted 10:59 AM by Gene

OoooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooh, Howard "CW" Fineman calls John Belushi's biographer "the official court stenographer for the Bush administration"!

Now THAT takes GUTS!!!!!

He also says "the news about the news is bad."



GOOD!

(Via E&P)

Posted 10:49 AM by Gene

We are sorry to hear about this suicide. We must nonetheless wonder if (God forbid) another 9/11 happened would that knock THE EDWARD R. MURROW OF COMEDY off the air?

(Via Mediabistro.com)

Posted 10:36 AM by Gene

And speaking of Steve Lopez, a nice Christmas present for his BIZ from S&P:

Media Companies: Not So Boffo in 2006

Posted 10:23 AM by Gene

And speaking of critically-acclaimed, the execution of our favorite gang member did not go as smoothly as one might have hoped, meaning the hacks will be on the job for weeks.

And children's author. (Sorry for the NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

AND:

Nothing I saw made me feel any differently about Williams, the Crip co-founder whose legacy is terrorized neighborhoods and a chorus of weeping mothers.

His anti-violence books and speeches were too little, too late, and the methodologizing of him was as unconvincing as the Nobel nominations.

BUT....

I make enough money to feel guilty.

(Via [alas] TAS)

Posted 10:20 AM by Gene

"This is the first time in the history of the Golden Globes that all of the best (dramatic) film nominees are independent movies made for under $30 million," said Philip Berk, president of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association.

This is the first time in the history of the Oscars® we've gotten a single-digit rating! HA HA HA!!!!!

Well, not likely. But we may be getting there!

P. S. I wonder if the less-than-honest proprietors of the Golden Globs were making "a statement" against CGI. Perhaps they subconsciously recognize that today's "popular" masterworks are in bed with the overblown theatrical spectacles of the 19th and early 20th centuries which have disappeared without a trace. (Anyone for reviving the original stage version of The Wizard of Oz?) But in doing so they made another statement: that the Dorky Denbys and Effete Edelsteins of ci-ne-ma reviewing, with their flowery lockstep and their insightful conformity, now rule over movie making, with the consequence that as CGI becomes irrelevant through its constant MORE, so the ad-blurbists' kind of movie becomes irrelevant by never attracting an audience outside the places where the elite gather to masturbate.

Posted 8:51 AM by Gene

Bob Schieffer gets behind the new star player for the team! (Even though she hasn't signed yet.)

We cannot WAIT for the rah-rahing from conservatives.

(Via YOU-KNOW-WHO)

Posted 6:47 AM by Gene

And here's a different kind of sales pitch: the celebrity valentine. This too sells; the boys have A MOVIE. But it also sells the writer to his subjects because it enables him to think he's their friends. We've known too much of what happens when news hacks make friends. We don't want friendships; we want facts, we want truth. Save valentines for your SWEETHEARTS -- and for VALENTINE'S DAY.

A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO JOE!

Posted 6:44 AM by Gene

The first thing you don't want to see when you're surfing the Web in the morning is the sales pitch. SOB pioneered the sales pitch. Every time this reader encounters a sales pitch he feels used, and he gets angrier, because the sales pitches help the hacks excuse the self-righteousness and the bias. I've said it before: if NEWS HACKS are going to sell let them SELL THE SPACE AND SLUG THEIR STORIES ADVERTISEMENT.

A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO GARY!

Posted 6:34 AM by Gene

Saudi Arabia Looks Past Oil in Attempt to Diversify

Terrorism isn't enough?

All RIGHT, all right, the nation's economy's liberalizing. So has CHINA'S.

Posted 6:32 AM by Gene

Shucks, no riots.

Even the [C]RAPPERS were silent.

Now if only the hacks could have their mouths sutured we'd be okay.

Posted 7:02 PM by Gene

Advertisers as whiny spoiled brats -- at the SUPER BOWL:

Just how seriously clients take their Super Bowl advertising can be seen in the controversy generated during last year’s telecast on Fox, when GoDaddy.com ran an ad that drew viewer complaints for being too risqué; Fox pulled that same spot later in the telecast. Fox insiders said Pepsi, which was in the same commercial pod as the first GoDaddy spot, also complained to the network about the ad, contending that it ruined the environment for its own spots....

Sources said McDonald’s was particularly miffed last year when its “Lincoln Fry” spot got spectacularly poor reviews among critics and consumers. The company had decided last year that if its spot didn’t make the top 10 in the USA Today poll, it would not be back in the ’06 game, sources said. McDonald’s had no comment. [EMPHASIS ADDED.]

Plus -- THE UNTHINKABLE may be happening:

The price of a 30-second spot has remained relatively flat in recent years because, sources say, marketers have become more reluctant to spend so much. In the 24 years that Nielsen Monitor-Plus has tracked prices in the game, the cost to advertise has increased all but six times, with five of those instances coming in the last 10 years. More recently, the price for the 2003 telecast was down 2 percent to $2.15 million per :30. In 2002, the price was unchanged at $2.2 million.

How far along ABC is in selling the game is uncertain. The network would not comment at all last week on its progress—a possible sign that the game may not be selling as well as in past years. Normally at this time of year, at least 75 percent of the 58 in-game spots have been sold, and the network with the game confirms, if only on background, how many it has left. Last year at this time, Fox was 75 percent sold, and in 2003, CBS was roughly 80 percent sold.

There are some indications from the client side that Super Bowl time is not selling as quickly as in past years. Procter & Gamble confirmed that its brands would be on the sidelines for the second consecutive year, with the possible exception of recently acquired Gillette, for which plans have not been finalized, a company representative said. And perennial advertiser Pepsi is reducing its spot load by one or two, sources said.

General Motors will showcase its Cadillac brand once again this year, but a rep said the number of spots that GM will put in the game was not finalized (last year it had six in-game spots). But the automaker still sees value in the game.

Well thank God there are SOME people with sense! There's still value in SHOWING OFF YOUR TICKETS -- even while your market share goes to hell in a handbasket.

Posted 6:24 PM by Gene

A Saudi prince believed to be the wealthiest businessman in the Muslim world has donated $40 million for Harvard and Georgetown to expand their Islamic studies programs, the schools announced Monday.

Do all those mosques have anything to do with it?

Posted 6:01 PM by Gene

The PAPER OF RE-CORD says:



The movie biz IS BETTER THAN EVER!!!!!

Posted 5:57 PM by Gene

And in more news of the limitless future for the thea-tah:

Original Grease Star to Play Judy Garland

Would such a hed be necessary if the actress were Judy Garland? And would such a show be necessary if we had Judy Garland?

We note too Billy Joel's Greatest Hits finally closed last night, but not before the MASTER HIMSELF gave one final oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh-WAH!

Alas, there's no bright golden haze on the meadow anymore.

Posted 5:43 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: Biz as usual from the cable biz, after we appease the Congresspoops with our meaningless reform.

We'll see the results in several years when hardly anybody subscribes to family tiers, and TV gets even worse.

And the S-word may hit the fan next year.



WILL MONUMENTAL FRAUDS LIKE THE GREAT ALASKAN BOAR AND DR. EVIL EVER GET LOST?

Posted 5:25 PM by Gene

ANOTHER SUPREMELY IDIOTIC WASTE OF TIME FROM CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES. Biased stories in themselves aren't that bad; show-biz press releases in themselves aren't that bad; combine the two, and set them off with superpablum like this, and the total effect is INTOLERABLE.

Posted 5:03 PM by Gene

And further on the subject of CGI -- er, MOVIES (ugh), we wonder if the OSCAR® people may not be in a fix this year, despite all the genius. In the VALENTI ERA and beyond the problem has been not not finding the best film among a solid bunch but finding the least bad. And here all this season's masterworks have -- flaws. THE GAY COWBOYS has its ad-blurbists' lockstep huzzahs, which we would like to think have been the subject of much (if muted) ridicule, and it is not RED COUNTRY fodder. LUKE SPIELBERG'S HAND WRENCHING is PC, and one wonders about its appeal to the industry's Jews. GEISHA GIRL's beauty is no doubt skin deep. The sad tale of JOHNNY CASH was only a modest hit, and should the Academy Award® really go for a two-hour impersonation? Likewise with TRUMAN, which has been seen by masses of INDIFFERENCE. THE KNIGHTING OF ST. EDWARD OF MURROW resounded to the applause of BigMedia's titanium-gloved stainless-steel fist clapping. ROSIE'S NEPHEW'S OTHER SCAB PICKING (qv) looks to be doing a quick getaway. WOODSTER THE PERV's already won the Oscar®, a long time before his adopted-daughter wife was born. We cannot discount KERNGERSHWIN HAMMERSTEIN's immortality, but that would be yet another instance of NOO YAWK BLURBISTS HUGGING THEMSELVES, and we suspect it isn't very good. With all these masterworks THE SECOND REMAKE OF KONG could be the favorite by B. O. default -- and it has two alibis in past CGI winners and the greatest self-congratulations that ever appeared above a title; but this poses a problem because the ACADEMY® would be rewarding the remake of a revered original that didn't win A SINGLE OSCAR® NOMINATION. That might leave CGI LEWIS, IF its numbers hold up, and many would be opposed because it's CHRISSSSSSSSSSSSTIAN. It's also potentially the least unpalatable winner. But why should the BEST PICTURE-OSCAR® WINNER win for being LEAST UNPALATABLE?

The best thing POLITICALLY speaking would be to let the two CGIs battle it out, though the muses would hold their noses. But if we know THE ACADEMY® it will probably do the ARTHOUSE routine again, for which we fervently hope.

P. S. Hey AL REUT, couldn't you electronically slug some stories ADVERTISEMENT so we'd know to avoid them?

Posted 4:59 PM by Gene

A warning -- even if it comes from MR. SHOW-BIZ EXPERT:

Hollywood studios would like to believe that digital effects are worth the cost, if only because they hold the prospect of a licensing cornucopia for toys and video games. But, alas, the studios also confront the less happy reality that even state-of-the-art CGI, if it gets out of synch with the story, does not create an audience either at the movie houses or on DVD. Sony learned this lesson recently with the $133 million sci-fi bomb Stealth, as did DreamWorks with its $120 million sci-fi bomb, The Island. Despite massive CGI and marketing expenses, neither studio earned back $18 million from the U.S. box office on these films. (Sony, at least, was able to repackage Stealth as part of a video game for its PlayStation Portable.)

To be sure, some directors, notably Peter Jackson in the Lord of the Rings trilogy, George Lucas in the Star Wars franchise, and Sam Raimi in the two Spider-Man films, have succeeded brilliantly in overriding audience-alienating effects that proceed from the schizoid split of movies. But fewer and fewer directors have the clout with the studios—or the budget flexibility—to control, even if it means redoing, the CGI side of the production. If this new economy of illusion allows the CGI side of a production to overwhelm the director's ability to tell a coherent story in his live-action side, digital effects may prove to be the ruination of movies.

MAY prove?

Posted 3:41 PM by Gene

SHUCKS! Tookie's dying after all.

Now let's see if we truth-tellers of the news biz can foment some RIOTING.

(Originally posted from a CNN hed)

P. S. I shouldn't be flippant, but I'm opposed to death sentences for A murder, even of policemen. And had Tookie shown genuine remorse for his CRIMES instead of launching a PR campaign I could understand clemency. The problem is, the people support the death penalty, and too many of those who don't are our effete-snob oppressors, which invites flippancy. And when they bleed over death sentences while potentially profiting from them (as in the hacks' lip smacking prospect for RIOTS) they remind us of Shylock's line, "If you prick us, do we not bleed?" -- and the effete snobs seem only to bleed INK.

We must further consider his goose was cooked when the NINTH CIRCUIT turned him down.

Ah-NULT probably did the right thing for the wrong reasons.

Posted 3:35 PM by Gene

We have taken to crediting where we find certain stories out of pangs of conscience -- we should have done this from the beginning -- and also to remind us where we get stories, and as the originating sources deserve credit for piquing our interest. We do hope though that we're not too reliant upon two or three sources, though it seems to us sometimes we are.

Posted 3:31 PM by Gene

The loss of Koppel is the loss of a filter....

And this is precisely what the hacks will NEVER discern: we want the truth full bore. We don't want it viewed from askance, or through blinders or colored lenses -- and we DON'T want a filter. The truth isn't toxic gas, or a cigarette.

These bozos will never get over this -- TRAGEDY.

(Via -- YOU-KNOW-WHO)

Posted 3:11 PM by Gene

"'Brokeback' was an old-fashioned romance that also fulfilled the group's impulse to be daring and original....It combines the best of both these elements....It seemed like such a daring departure from what he'd been known to do before....Even in the Hollywood, commercial, popcorn genre she's worked in, she has extraordinary respect from a cross-section of critics here. She's very, very engaged in her character — she really knows what to do in front of a camera, always."

WHAT NORMAL PERSON TALKS LIKE THAT?

Maybe Trib can offer Gene a buyout. We hope so.

Posted 2:37 PM by Gene

Theh's somethin' scwewy goin' on awound heawh:

The MSNBC cable network plans to flood the Internet this week with its largest concentrated online pitch, running advertising on hundreds of Web sites and blogs....

MSNBC will take over every pixel of ad space on Wednesday on three Web sites: newsweek.com, slate.com and washingtonpost.com....

Aren't they all affiliated with...oh, never mind.

(Via ShowBizData.com)

Posted 2:25 PM by Gene

With the lopped limbs, money bags, look-alikeness and general lack of humor we think we can understand why editorial cartoonists may not be a top newspaper priority.

(Via E&P)

Posted 2:15 PM by Gene

We can only wonder why the ad biz didn't start remaking commercials sooner, it having run out of "creativity" a while ago.

This is the next big shoot-yourself-in-the-foot fad for these clowns.

(Via Money.cnn.com)

Posted 2:07 PM by Gene

More Beltway bribery -- only we don't call it bribery, we call it lobbying.

(Via NRO)

Posted 1:43 PM by Gene

Steve Case Now Says Split Up Time Warner

Where were you six years ago?

Posted 10:33 AM by Gene

The PAPER OF RE-CORD NEW ENGLAND EDITION solemnly intones of the late Richard:

He told the TRUTH.

Just like news hacks.

Isn't Renee accepting a buyout? Join Robert "Over the" Hilburn!

Posted 10:26 AM by Gene

Another quote from Little Malcolm:

"Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored."
--Aldous Huxley

He didn't know NEWS HACKS.

Posted 10:10 AM by Gene

Well! Merck's journal mischief has inspired a mistrial in a federal case against it!

We haven't heard the end of this.

(Via Marketwatch and Street.com)

Posted 9:59 AM by Gene

More HEAD-SCRATCHING from the PAPER OF RE-CORD:

Hollywood Gives the Press a Bad Name

Pffh-hh-hh hh hh hh hh hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!

Another ROMY recommendation!

Posted 9:34 AM by Gene

Hugh (or as we may have to call him now, HUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) has introduced us to a new listing in our CW BLOGGERS LIST!

All these bloggers to read and we'll never get attention.

Posted 9:09 AM by Gene

Why hasn't that occured to Congresspoops? They can call their wasteful spending "PHILANTHROPY"!

Posted 9:04 AM by Gene

When two of nine grafs of a wire-"service" story are devoted to lists of names it is not worth reporting.

The film jury was: producer Robert G. Rehme, director Martha Coolidge, critic David Denby, scholar Anna Everett, director Norman Jewison, producer Tom Pollock, director Jay Roach, critic Lisa Schwarzbaum, scholar Vivian Sobchack, author David Thomson, critic Kenneth Turan, scholar Stephen Ujlaki and producer Laura Ziskin.

The TV jury's members were: director Marshall Herskovitz, Academy of Television Arts & Sciences president Dick Askin, writer Lionel Chetwynd, scholar Mary Corey, producer Tony Jonas, producer Jeffrey Kramer, critic Melanie McFarland, scholar Tara McPherson, producer Dorothea Petrie, director Frank Pierson, critic James Poniewozik, writer Del Reisman and critic Matt Roush.

Remember to put them on our blacklist.

Posted 8:52 AM by Gene

ROMY discloses EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL:

Beginning Jan. 1, the WIBA newsroom will be called the Amcore Bank News Center.

Ever heard of the CAMEL NEWS CARAVAN?

Posted 8:50 AM by Gene

No sooner does SUMNER waste His money on DreamWorks KGB than this Amazon.com pitch appears in my mailbox:

40% Off Top-Selling DreamWorks Titles

Posted 8:45 AM by Gene

I suggested it before: Coke, Mickey D's and Heinz should merge! Instant PepsiCo! What efficiencies! What bigness!

What a mess.

Posted 8:29 AM by Gene

"Paz, what kind of name is that?"

"It means something. It means 'peace' in Spanish. What's your name?"

"Roger. Roger Wallace. It means, 'I am Roger Wallace.' "

Surfer Dude, stick to taking bribes.

(Via ArtsJournal.com)

Posted 8:20 AM by Gene

The Hot Zone's cold.

Because it is a film about current events in the Middle East, “Syriana” is a good fit for Mr. Sites’ content. Don Buckley, senior VP-interactive marketing, movies at Warner Bros., said “the advertising suited the environment.” But he couldn’t think of any other film that would fit there.

“This content is not for the faint of heart,” Yahoo’s Mr. Moore said.

But conspiracy theories -- okay!

Posted 6:43 AM by Gene

Ken Felatta has been saying some not-so-nice things about PINCH lately.

Is that to make up for all the nice things he's said about SUMNER?

Word of the Day from ROMY: GRAVITAS.

Posted 6:38 AM by Gene

OH oh, STERNO's GOD and his boss ZONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN may be in TROUBLE:

Sirius is high on Stern but there are signs that it is under pressure to lower its ad rates.

Earlier this year, ad buyers were reportedly told that a spot on Stern's new show would be $20,000. Advertisers and ad buyers said they would balk at that price now.

"I'm sure it's down more to reality after they did their analysis," an advertiser said.

And wait till those adolescents who signed up find his program has ADS.

Posted 6:27 AM by Gene

An R. Emmett scribbler links to this Sean Wilentz piece about the death of decent political writing that concludes as follows:

Democracy has been broadened far beyond what Jackson himself could have imagined, but our politicians' prose is reduced to, at best, hollow sentimentalism and, at worst, a manipulative semi-literacy of a kind that would have made the supposed barbarian Andrew Jackson wince. The memory of a time when American party politics was worthy of a writer's respect, let alone professional involvement, has almost disappeared. American literature has distanced itself from an essential part of national life, and American politics has debased what was once an uplifting language of democracy.

...and of course our Emmettian has to get in what he supposes the last word:

I think Wilentz is a little too zealous here. For one thing, he omits the literary talent involved in politics in the latter half of this century (though he does mention Gore Vidal), such as William F. Buckley, Tom Wolfe, Christopher Buckley, or Ayn Rand (forgive me for lumping them together), among others (I'm also thinking about Michael Crichton and Tom Clancy, though I doubt someone of Wilentz's preferences would agree)....

We must conclude our scribbler has probably done a few "frankly"s and "in this country"s and "the perfect is the enemy of the good"s and "if not now when and if not us who"s and "I knew (fill in the blank) and you're no (fill in the blank)"s for hack politicos in his day, and five of these six have the advantage of being the sort of hacks you'd meet at Beltway cocktail parties to flatter over their aimless typing, and the sixth is conservative PC. Professor Wilentz is right. Our politicos are semi-literate -- we say aliterate at best -- and so are their toadies.

Posted 5:53 PM by Gene

TNR decided to post Leon Wieseltier's piece on THE OSCAR® BEST PICTURE (possibly because someone made a mistake in the original), and I think he's written something for Luke Spielberg's tombstone:

The film is powerful, in the hollow way that many of Spielberg's films are powerful. He is a master of vacant intensities, of slick searings. Whatever the theme, he must ravish the viewer. Munich is aesthetically no different from War of the Worlds, and never mind that one treats questions of ethical and historical consequence and the other is stupid. Spielberg knows how to overwhelm. But I am tired of being overwhelmed. Why should I admire somebody for his ability to manipulate me? In other realms of life, this talent is known as demagoguery. There are better reasons to turn to art, better reasons to go to the movies, than to be blown away.

But this is precisely why "people" go to the movies anymore, and especially why they spend billions on home theater: to be blown away. If it weren't for being blown away there'd be no movies anymore.

Honest, I'm tired of talking about the Oscars®, and I'm tired of my R-in-a-circle shtick, but that's because NEWS HACKS must obsess over these things, and plaster their stories in every medium day and night, though the grand event be three months away.

Posted 5:28 PM by Gene

Now some group called New York Film Critics Online, which is most likely an excuse for further annoying adjectives in RottenTomatoes.com, has nominated something called The Squid and the Whale for an OSCAR®.

We hope all the nominees are films normal people haven't heard of, and that viewers turn off the ceremony in droves.

Posted 5:09 PM by Gene

The government engages in psychological warfare; the PAPER OF RE-CORD engages in psychological warfare. The government employs over a thousand; the PAPER OF RE-CORD CO. employs many thousands. The government wants to influence the war; the PAPER OF RE-CORD wants to influence the war. The government is "secretive"; the PAPER OF RE-CORD is secretive. The last we looked however, the government wanted us to win.

Posted 2:20 PM by Gene

Our dear friend HUGH (whom I've mentioned twice today, or two times too many) is excited about what the Iranians may be doing, but he neglects this buried paragraph:

The date set for possible Israeli strikes on Iran also coincides with Israel’s general election on March 28, prompting speculation that Sharon may be sabre-rattling for votes.

So, this may be as real as a Christmas tree on the moon. What should really worry us is the holy cockroaches coordinating their efforts. Whether they're that sophisticated we might soon have to find out. Osama taught us the dangers of underestimation.

MEANTIME:

Iran on Sunday offered the United States a share in building a new nuclear power plant in an apparent effort to curb U.S. opposition to its atomic program.

MAKE -- ME LAUGH!!!!!

Posted 2:18 PM by Gene

Next on the hacks' agenda: forcing people to watch womens' sports.

It would be like goosing ERRAmerica's audience -- going from a zero to a zero.

Posted 1:56 PM by Gene

Hmmm, the new weenie of Britain's Conservatives may have taken favors for not-so-nice reasons.

How sadly befitting his party's name.

Posted 1:15 PM by Gene

The first hermetically-sealed ad-blurbists' group expels OSCAR® gas -- and it's another victory for WALTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Plus that guy nobody knows outside the arthouse circuit is well on his way to his own OSCAR®.

How low can the ratings go this time -- especially with EMCEE TROUBLE?

Posted 1:05 PM by Gene

CHRIS WALLACE SAYS HIS LEGENDARY DAD IS SENILE!

That's okay; the whole biz got the disease along time ago.

Posted 12:59 PM by Gene

And speaking of NRO:

LAST TORTURE POST FOR A WHILE [Jonah Goldberg ] [SIC]

No, there'll be plenty more where that came from.

Posted 12:43 PM by Gene

We shall NEVER shut up HUGH and KATHRYN now (but we should remember: there's NEXT week -- although that's what I said for WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!!!!! The Jesus Slasher Movie), but it is obvious that unless this year's GREATEST FILM OF ALL TIME does $1 BILLION on its first weekend the BEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH will still be down, and gratifying so.

P. S. Last January we gave a NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK award to some freelancing toady for his cloying PAPER OF RE-CORD press release about how Arthur Freed was producing some cutesy pie movie about nudity. Well, the WHINER BROTHERS just opened it -- on the arthouse circuit -- and it BOMBED! Mr. Freed (whom we suspect isn't that smart a man) spent $20 million on it, so the toady says. Had he spent it on us we'd have lived comfortably for 400 years. Heck we could have taken the money and invested it ourselves and given him a nice rate of return; G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE's doubled in eleven months. We suppose though Mr. Freed's investors don't mind. They were dazzled by all the pulchritude.

P. P. S. to WALTER "THE SPYWARE COWBOY" WINCHELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!: Don't they pay you ten percent? They should.

Posted 11:04 AM by Gene

European youth may not have a reason for being, but they do have binge drinking to help them forget.

Do I hear the jackbooted KLUMPH! KLUMPH! of Islamists getting louder?

Posted 10:30 AM by Gene

Please, pretty please dear God, let Narnia make $2 BILLION!

Posted 10:21 AM by Gene

A week after getting out two ad-blurbist gasbags to plug this year's GREATEST MOVIE OF ALL TIME Mort Zuck says it's okay for his reporter to waste some time and salary interviewing people on total fantasy.

How many stories did YOU do on Osama, Zuck?

Posted 10:11 AM by Gene

Lord (or rather lord), we'd LOVE to think this guy's telling -- THE TRUTH; but there are certain readers (well, they don't pay for newspapers anyway; they get it all for free on the Web) who think we're propagandists, so we have to say maybe on occasion, just to keep their mouths shut; but God (or rather god) we can feel it in our bones -- this man is a SENTINEL OF TRUTH!

Posted 9:58 AM by Gene

And speaking of ac-TORS, Rosie's Nephew mounts his soapbox in London and foams at the mouth at the EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL that will be done so long as wise men like him will not have their way.

OR:

Clooney insists that he has no intention of running for political office [pffh-hh-hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!! --ED.]....Instead he sees himself as “an irritant — picking at the scab a little — to challenge authority. My father taught me that”.

And obviously your AUNT never taught you that the best way an ac-TOR can make an ASS of himself is to SPEAK OUT. All Rosie ever did with her mouth was sing. Her rep will surely outlive YOURS.

Posted 9:45 AM by Gene

And speaking of the PAPER OF RE-CORD, this should get HERR DOKTOR SONDHEIM out of his midtown penthouse or wherever he lives and right straight into PINCH'S INNER SANCTUM POST HASTE:

Sweeny Todd's Game of Musical Chairs

How can they DO this to THE GREATEST OPERA OF ALL TIME?????

Posted 9:44 AM by Gene

An ac-TOR is a suspect in the murder of a police officer in the Bronx, which should help his career.

Posted 9:40 AM by Gene

And PEOPLE NEWSMAGAZINE, after having done such a GREAT PUBLIC SERVICE, decides it needs a little rest, and runs a cover piece on news photos, which should greatly excite its fans on the road to its egregious Person of the Year title.

Thank God and Mr. Mark this is double-issue time; these rags won't annoy us next week! But there's plenty more synergy and truth and salesmanship where these came from!

Posted 9:32 AM by Gene

Well, we've given up on Mr. Mark running a cover movie plug for now; it was, as the ad-blurbist Mr. Ansen says, a "dog year" for the greatest industry known to man, although you can be sure he says that out of both sides of his mouth (and we could say every year's a dog year, each worse than the last, but that wouldn't be selling the property). Fortunately we can make fun of Dubya again (let us guess, having not read the article -- he must turn to MODERATES) but that has a low rate of returns as coffee tables have come to expect it. What is remarkable is we synergistically knock the upcoming GE BANCORP GAMES; Little Jeffy's gonna haveta give St. Warren a lecture. And we need Mr. Mark to tell us DreamWorks didn't work?

Those coffee tables must be feeling mighty sore.