THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
Blogroll Me!
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Saturday, December 04, 2004
Wal-Mart Still Sees Sales Up 1-3 Pct.
COMMIES DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Maybe overcrowded stores full of CHEAP CHINESE MERCHANDISE did it.
COMMIES DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Maybe overcrowded stores full of CHEAP CHINESE MERCHANDISE did it.
And speaking of Mighty Mouse: THE KING OF NEW MEDIA devotes 1,289 WORDS to DEEP ANALYSIS about how BLOGGERS LIKE HE can MAKE BIG MONEY.
That guy can just approach a computer and be a headache.
That guy can just approach a computer and be a headache.
Friday, December 03, 2004
A number of bloggers and pundits are suggesting the COZ for the NAACP's next chief. Here's a list of reasons that won't happen, all in this article: Cholly "The Black Ralph Kramden" Rangel, Rev. Elijah Cummings, Carol "Prez" Moseley Braun, Mary Frances Berry, JULIAN BONNNNNNNNNND!!!!! -- and Kweisi Mfume.
A covert contradiction in terms:
C I Host to Reward 'Squeaky Clean' Professional Athlete: Guerilla Stunt to Pay $10,000 to First Steroid-Free Tattoo Recipient
C I Host to Reward 'Squeaky Clean' Professional Athlete: Guerilla Stunt to Pay $10,000 to First Steroid-Free Tattoo Recipient
MORE LAUGHS FROM AN AHHHTISTICALLY RESURGENT THEA-TAH: Guess who's co-starring in that up-and-coming (in several senses) ELVIS revue! SHAKESPEARE!!!!!
Time to do Ophelia's mad scene.
Time to do Ophelia's mad scene.
What bothers this hack at Toenail.com isn't the corruption, it's the beliefs. Had Toenail.com existed in the "70s and 80s" it surely would not have spoken a blessed syllable about Democratic malfeasance; one reason the Newt "Dennis the Menace" Gingrich and his fellow GOP House leaders (like SNIDELY WHIPLASH) made asses of themselves in the minority is that NEWS HACKS wouldn't report all the shady dealing. (Indeed they screamed CORRUPTION!!!!!!!! much the same way this hack has.) We can be sure Toenail.com kept pretty circumspect about Slick too. What is more, this kind of typing is counterproductive as there are strong corrupt undercurrents in the GOP -- how could there not be in the party of Credit Mobilier, Teapot Dome and Watergate? No, if you object to someone's core beliefs, argue on the beliefs, not in the vain hope that you can taint the beliefs by screaming CORRUPTION!!!!!!!!
IBM's probably selling its PC biz to a CHINESE firm.
We all know about the PC being "a commodity" and "slim margins" and blahblahblah, so why do stories like this still rankle? Since when has the U. S. Capitol relocated to Bentonville, Arkansas?
We all know about the PC being "a commodity" and "slim margins" and blahblahblah, so why do stories like this still rankle? Since when has the U. S. Capitol relocated to Bentonville, Arkansas?
WELL, I guess the newly rejuvenated game of $ELIGBALL has a little PROBLEM.
Amazing too how we'd rather NOT win a championship when the news goes sour.
Oooh, what a noble battle: a locally powerful party hack against a nationally powerful party hack.
May the worse man win, and he probably will. (I'm guessing SNIDELY WHIPLASH, if only because he has MORE POWER.)
May the worse man win, and he probably will. (I'm guessing SNIDELY WHIPLASH, if only because he has MORE POWER.)
The U.S. Central Intelligence Agency knew dissident military officers were planning a coup in 2002 against Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, according to purported U.S. intelligence documents posted on the Internet.
Well at least this time it knew of SOMETHING.
Well at least this time it knew of SOMETHING.
LONDON (Reuters) - Dow Chemical Co, in a major policy reversal, is accepting full responsibility for the 1984 Bhopal disaster in India, a company spokesman said on Friday.
Through a story the Beeb says is a HOAX.
MORE GREATNESS in the news biz.
Through a story the Beeb says is a HOAX.
MORE GREATNESS in the news biz.
A photograph of President Bush planting a kiss on the cheek of National Security Adviser Condoleezza Rice after tapping her for secretary of state raises the question: How do we view kissing between colleagues? [Home-page hed]
OH, SHUT UP.
OH, SHUT UP.
Thursday, December 02, 2004
DAMMIT, the goons and their bosses are planning to talk!
I was hoping they'd go ahead and cancel the season. I think we can get along quite well with one fewer sport.
I was hoping they'd go ahead and cancel the season. I think we can get along quite well with one fewer sport.
Why shouldn't the dreadful decline of Iris Murdoch serve as an allegory for our larger culture? Just as a writer had to use simpler words and sentences in the face of an awful disease, so our culture is dumbing itself down -- for no better reason than to further admire itself in an increasingly distorted funhouse mirror.
The mark of MORE hack Toenail.com filler:
What makes a great network anchorman?
Let's change one word in that sentence:
What makes a great local anchorman?
Just changing the word brings the inanity of the sentence into bold relief. We cannot expect "GREATNESS" (whatever that is) from the likes of some do as s/he rips and reads his/her way through If It Bleeds, It Leads; so how can we expect "GREATNESS" from the glorified mannequins who rip-and-read their way to $7 million salaries on the NETWORKS' NIGHTLY NEWS? But Toenail.com needs its filler.
What makes a great network anchorman?
Let's change one word in that sentence:
What makes a great local anchorman?
Just changing the word brings the inanity of the sentence into bold relief. We cannot expect "GREATNESS" (whatever that is) from the likes of some do as s/he rips and reads his/her way through If It Bleeds, It Leads; so how can we expect "GREATNESS" from the glorified mannequins who rip-and-read their way to $7 million salaries on the NETWORKS' NIGHTLY NEWS? But Toenail.com needs its filler.
George Clooney's CONSERVATIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
?
Think we could go back to the days when AC-TORS were DENIED THE RIGHT TO VOTE?
?
Think we could go back to the days when AC-TORS were DENIED THE RIGHT TO VOTE?
Dolphins star Ricky Williams sez he's outta the game
Duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, this dope loves his dope too much, duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
P. S.
Duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I got social-anxiety disorder -- I don't like touching a football before 70,000 screaming maniacs without my DOPE, duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, this dope loves his dope too much, duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
P. S.
Duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I got social-anxiety disorder -- I don't like touching a football before 70,000 screaming maniacs without my DOPE, duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Am I the only one who's noticed that HHWWALTER CRRRONKITE JR. has a BIG HEAD on MESS.COM's home page?
How apt for his pea brain.
Jump to his "blog" and his head is slightly smaller. Slightly.
TYCO INTL. LAUNCHES AD CAMPAIGN TO REBUILD IMAGE
Well for starters you could say you make some neat toy trains! (PFFH-HH-HH!)
Well for starters you could say you make some neat toy trains! (PFFH-HH-HH!)
Ten posts (counting this one), zero hits.
AAAAAAAAAAANYBODY OUT THEEEEEERE?????
AAAAAAAAAAANYBODY OUT THEEEEEERE?????
Star WAPOST reporter HENRY WAXMAN runs a FRONT-PAGE PRESS RELEASE saying ABSTINENCE EDUCATION is EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL because it MISLEADS!!!!!
I could say something about MISLEADING DEMOCRATS but I don't think it would make it in THE PAPER OF RE-CORD BELTWAY EDITION.
Hey DEMS! Why not move your offices from Congress to the WAPOST luxury news suite? Forget it, you've been there for years.
I could say something about MISLEADING DEMOCRATS but I don't think it would make it in THE PAPER OF RE-CORD BELTWAY EDITION.
Hey DEMS! Why not move your offices from Congress to the WAPOST luxury news suite? Forget it, you've been there for years.
On the day The Paper of Re-CORD Company announces higher costs and a sizable charge to expense options, the FLAGSHIP PAPER wastes precious pulp wondering how many comebacks John Travolta has had.
PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUBLIC EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDITORRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!
PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUBLIC EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDITORRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!
Well, THE GLIBERAL's found a new way of getting his face beet red and his head swelling to three times normal: all someone has to say to him is, NASCAR. Never mind the guy probably didn't know what it was until somebody mentioned it in a NEWSPAPER COLUMN, in association with the EEEEEEEEEEEEVIL RED COUNTRY. Given a choice of a stock car, an Indy car, a Formula One car, a funny car or a Soap Box Derby car, he couldn't tell.
When Will Rogers said, "All I know is what I read in the papers," he had THE GLIBERAL in mind.
When Will Rogers said, "All I know is what I read in the papers," he had THE GLIBERAL in mind.
They also serve who only stand and wait
SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS' MOTTO: They also serve who only sit and scream.
SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS' MOTTO: They also serve who only sit and scream.
I wonder if this was worth it:
Judge signs Jiffy Lube settlement
Millions of plaintiffs sued over small fees the company charged on its oil changes. They will each receive a $5 coupon. (AP) [Home-page hed]
Judge signs Jiffy Lube settlement
Millions of plaintiffs sued over small fees the company charged on its oil changes. They will each receive a $5 coupon. (AP) [Home-page hed]
Wednesday, December 01, 2004
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL:
[John] Tierney [would-be Bill Safire replacement] has a tendency to support his point of view using sources with a clear ideological or special interest agenda, without properly identifying them. In a 2000 column Tierney attacked CBS for an old report in which it had suggested that apples treated with the pesticide Alar carried a cancer risk. He wrote that the American Council on Science and Health, which he identified as "a consumer education group in New York," had demanded a correction and an apology from CBS. But Tierney left out the fact that ACSH is funded by major corporations -- including McDonalds, Pfizer, Kraft Foods, ExxonMobil, and Anheuser Busch -- all with stakes in the issues it focuses on. And one of those corporate funders, Uniroyal Chemical Company, is the manufacturer of Alar.
So it's okay when PINCH'S SAINTS cite a LIBERAL SPECIAL-INTEREST GROUP without calling it LIBERAL. We always liked your GOOSE-STEP THINKING, COLUMBIA JERNALISM REVIEW.
P. S. The guy's a GLIBERTARIAN. Doesn't THAT smell enough?
[John] Tierney [would-be Bill Safire replacement] has a tendency to support his point of view using sources with a clear ideological or special interest agenda, without properly identifying them. In a 2000 column Tierney attacked CBS for an old report in which it had suggested that apples treated with the pesticide Alar carried a cancer risk. He wrote that the American Council on Science and Health, which he identified as "a consumer education group in New York," had demanded a correction and an apology from CBS. But Tierney left out the fact that ACSH is funded by major corporations -- including McDonalds, Pfizer, Kraft Foods, ExxonMobil, and Anheuser Busch -- all with stakes in the issues it focuses on. And one of those corporate funders, Uniroyal Chemical Company, is the manufacturer of Alar.
So it's okay when PINCH'S SAINTS cite a LIBERAL SPECIAL-INTEREST GROUP without calling it LIBERAL. We always liked your GOOSE-STEP THINKING, COLUMBIA JERNALISM REVIEW.
P. S. The guy's a GLIBERTARIAN. Doesn't THAT smell enough?
It has come to this: USAOKAY!!!!! devotes 1,899 WORDS to why so many people come dressed to work as slobs.
Again, as always, one lousy graf will do:
"Please. What's the big deal about putting on a tie? Or having only one piercing in each ear?" Gail Madison demands. "You can't go to London or Paris for business with orange hair."
Again, as always, one lousy graf will do:
"Please. What's the big deal about putting on a tie? Or having only one piercing in each ear?" Gail Madison demands. "You can't go to London or Paris for business with orange hair."
Toenail.com has long specialized in filler, and this typing may qualify as one of its all-time top fillers. Really, why should we care if Jerry Dreckheimer has gone "soft" (you wonder why this clown didn't make more of the obvious POLITICAL angle here; JAKE would have been pleased) when all we know is most of his movies will die before he does; or if they have any life it will be for home-theater demos. The Dreckmaster is surely one reason Olly complained about the loss of "movie-movies." Only at Toenail.com is a vice considered a virtue, and only then for the purpose of creating idlest FILLER.
We don't have "movie-movies" anymore; we have big-screen TV -- and big-screen TV for big-screen TVs.
The perfesser of navel staring Marvin is MAD AS HELL! because jernalism is TILTING RIGHTWARD!!!!!
Ah for the golden days when we could TELL IT TO HENRY THE K!! About what a GOD he was.
Ah for the golden days when we could TELL IT TO HENRY THE K!! About what a GOD he was.
Speaking of Mr. MY BUSINESS IS MY BUSINESS, he's suggesting the Wiz of Oz move to Treasury.
What would happen to the stock market?
What would happen to the stock market?
As might have been expected, D. C.'s city council didn't have the guts to prevent the fleecing of its taxpayers in the name of -- ZELIG SELIG.
GEORGE WILL should be happy.
P. S. This story does seem to have a second act, though.
GEORGE WILL should be happy.
P. S. This story does seem to have a second act, though.
Here's a chart I'd like to see, one comparing DVD players and big-studio prerecorded DVD discs. The former: going way down. The latter: a straight line, trending slightly up.
HD DVD is another excuse to trend the latter line up.
HD DVD is another excuse to trend the latter line up.
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
TRANSLATION: SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS ARE MORPHING INTO NEWS HACKS -- WITH ALL THE GREED AND IRRESPONSIBILITY ATTENDANT THERETO.
But then I would expect dissembling from a SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGER -- and from DOW 36,000.
But then I would expect dissembling from a SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGER -- and from DOW 36,000.
Well, at least we won't have to ask if Sony rigs JEOPARDY!!!!! anymore -- at least until its research department finds another golden boy.
And thank you as always, NEWS HACKS, for keeping this MEDIA-STATE SECRET.
And thank you as always, NEWS HACKS, for keeping this MEDIA-STATE SECRET.
Another con-SER-va-tive demonstrates his ignorance so he, too, can say GRRRRRRRRRREAT!!!!!:
Running Kellogg’s for the last five years, Carlos Guttierez [typical NRO Corner SIC], the man the President nominated yesterday to become the next secretary of commerce, expanded the company’s sales by 43 percent. How?
There can’t be many big, established consumer goods companies that expanded their sales half as dramatically during the past five years. Did Guttierez [a second typical NRO Corner SIC] somehow enable Kellogg’s to steal market share from Post and Quaker Oats? Diud [a THIRD typical NRO Corner SIC] he introduce an array of new products? Or did he increase sales overseas, persuading millions of Chinese and Indians to start their mornings with Frosted Flakes?
There must be dozens of twenty-two or –three year old analysts on the island of Manhattan at this very moment who have access to Kellogg’s last few annual reports. Would one or two of you kindly drop me a line? The Rice Krispies boys, Tony the Tiger, Sam the Toucan and I all want to know how Gutierrez [WwwwwwELL! He got it RIGHT this time!] turned in such remarkable performance.
Uh, Petey, he did it principally by BUYING KEEBLER.
Running Kellogg’s for the last five years, Carlos Guttierez [typical NRO Corner SIC], the man the President nominated yesterday to become the next secretary of commerce, expanded the company’s sales by 43 percent. How?
There can’t be many big, established consumer goods companies that expanded their sales half as dramatically during the past five years. Did Guttierez [a second typical NRO Corner SIC] somehow enable Kellogg’s to steal market share from Post and Quaker Oats? Diud [a THIRD typical NRO Corner SIC] he introduce an array of new products? Or did he increase sales overseas, persuading millions of Chinese and Indians to start their mornings with Frosted Flakes?
There must be dozens of twenty-two or –three year old analysts on the island of Manhattan at this very moment who have access to Kellogg’s last few annual reports. Would one or two of you kindly drop me a line? The Rice Krispies boys, Tony the Tiger, Sam the Toucan and I all want to know how Gutierrez [WwwwwwELL! He got it RIGHT this time!] turned in such remarkable performance.
Uh, Petey, he did it principally by BUYING KEEBLER.
Another BRILLIANT idea from STERNO!!!!!!!!!!:
I repeat my advice to CBS: You should replace Dan Rather with Jon Stewart.
Yeah. BRILLIANT IDEA. He'd chase away the Polident and Depends crowd while alienating his fans, and then he'd turn SO self-serious he'd have a breakdown on the air to rival Jessica Savitch's -- or DANNO's.
HAVE ANY MORE BRILLIANT IDEAS, KING OF NEW MEDIA?
I repeat my advice to CBS: You should replace Dan Rather with Jon Stewart.
Yeah. BRILLIANT IDEA. He'd chase away the Polident and Depends crowd while alienating his fans, and then he'd turn SO self-serious he'd have a breakdown on the air to rival Jessica Savitch's -- or DANNO's.
HAVE ANY MORE BRILLIANT IDEAS, KING OF NEW MEDIA?
Brokaw crafting a personal send-off
Friends and Fellow-Citizens:
The period for a new election of a citizen to administer the Executive Government of the United States being not far distant....
Oh wait, that ALREADY HAPPENED.
Friends and Fellow-Citizens:
The period for a new election of a citizen to administer the Executive Government of the United States being not far distant....
Oh wait, that ALREADY HAPPENED.
OoooooooooOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooh, the INTERNATIONAL RED CROSS issues "SECRET" reports (interesting how SECRET reports become PUBLIC) charging we engage in -- TORTURE!!!!! at GITMO!!!!!!!!!!
These being mostly Europeans (and anti-Sem...shhhhhh!), they would charge ten meals a day, wall-to-wall carpeting and La-Z-Boys and DirecTV in every room as torture.
These being mostly Europeans (and anti-Sem...shhhhhh!), they would charge ten meals a day, wall-to-wall carpeting and La-Z-Boys and DirecTV in every room as torture.
SO, we can blame CIRCULATION INFLATION ON: broken-down printing presses, the dot-com bust, 9/11 (WAIT! I thought people LOVED us after that!), "CHANGING LIFESTYLES", cable, corrupt executives -- everybody but OURSELVES.
P. S. KICKBACKS....
P. S. KICKBACKS....
The censorship boys of academe win a Godly (er, PINCHly) victory permitting them to shut out army recruiters for you can guess the reason.
It seems odd though that these noble models of the mortarboard runway would add the First Amendment to their wardrobe given their concerted efforts to ban it. (Doubly odd that many are hiding their identities -- until you realize they're addicted to that elixir of youth called FEDERAL FUNDS.) And of course the real reason they're doing it is not gays, but GUNS -- they can't stand a man who owns one (unless, of course he's a crook).
It seems odd though that these noble models of the mortarboard runway would add the First Amendment to their wardrobe given their concerted efforts to ban it. (Doubly odd that many are hiding their identities -- until you realize they're addicted to that elixir of youth called FEDERAL FUNDS.) And of course the real reason they're doing it is not gays, but GUNS -- they can't stand a man who owns one (unless, of course he's a crook).
I'D LIKE TO SUBJECT THE WHOLE G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLEBLOGGER STAFF TO A LIE DETECTOR TEST. THE ONLY THING THEY'D TELL THE TRUTH ABOUT IS THAT THEY'RE WORTH A LOT OF INFLATED MONEY.
[W]e will be pushing new code to both gather information on these freezes as well as revise some features to put less strain on the database.
THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE MEANING TO THIS: THEY DON'T KNOW WHEN THEY'RE BREAKING DOWN, AND TO "FIX" THE PROBLEM THEY'LL SACRIFICE FUNCTIONALITY. BUT WHO NEEDS A FIX WHEN YOU'RE HEADED TO $5,000 A SHARE?
[W]e will be pushing new code to both gather information on these freezes as well as revise some features to put less strain on the database.
THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE MEANING TO THIS: THEY DON'T KNOW WHEN THEY'RE BREAKING DOWN, AND TO "FIX" THE PROBLEM THEY'LL SACRIFICE FUNCTIONALITY. BUT WHO NEEDS A FIX WHEN YOU'RE HEADED TO $5,000 A SHARE?
Monday, November 29, 2004
Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I suppose I SHOULD be more respectful of people like Mr. Gutierrez, but why is it so many of America's head honchos are interchangeable technocrats? Besides I have NO respect for the CEOs of our leading consumer-marketing powerhouses because they spend so much of their time financing JUNK TELEVISION, and they REVEL in it. (Think how many times The Big K has run promos on its cereal boxes and you can only be convinced their biggest product line is SHOW-BIZ.) At least this guy's new job is largely ceremonial, dodging jet lag at international conferences, acting as a one-man Rotary Club for big business (but nonetheless with a strong possibility of mischief; if he's like too many of his predecessors, he can give goodly departments of the store away). He will also attend the occasional BUSINESS-and-EDUCATION conferences whose sole purpose is to see that our SKOOLS turn out more COGWHEELS for the CUBICLE MAZES, and anything else be DAMNED.
I guess I'm annoyed too because THE MOST POWERFUL POWER LINE!!!!! (besides using the inevitable annoying "Grrreat!" in recopying Dubya's words) ran a piece on one of the too many rockers to whom SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS spend too much of their non-blogging time listening. Honest, if they had better tastes they probably wouldn't say "GRRREAT." But then they probably wouldn't be SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS.
P. S. Even MARKETWATCH's tablepounders concede that despite firing blameless workers and spending half his time in Hollywood Carlos has just managed to get Kellogg's profits above 1994 levels. This, among technocrats, is an ACHIEVEMENT.
I guess I'm annoyed too because THE MOST POWERFUL POWER LINE!!!!! (besides using the inevitable annoying "Grrreat!" in recopying Dubya's words) ran a piece on one of the too many rockers to whom SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS spend too much of their non-blogging time listening. Honest, if they had better tastes they probably wouldn't say "GRRREAT." But then they probably wouldn't be SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS.
P. S. Even MARKETWATCH's tablepounders concede that despite firing blameless workers and spending half his time in Hollywood Carlos has just managed to get Kellogg's profits above 1994 levels. This, among technocrats, is an ACHIEVEMENT.
Violent crime in schools cut in half over 10 years, government says
This is an accomplishment?
Schools have taken a number of steps, from installing metal detectors and hiring more security personnel to implementing programs aimed at curbing bullying, which can lead to more serious crimes.
I repeat, this is an accomplishment?
The report found students are more apt to be victims of violence outside schools.
I repeat...oh, never mind.
This is an accomplishment?
Schools have taken a number of steps, from installing metal detectors and hiring more security personnel to implementing programs aimed at curbing bullying, which can lead to more serious crimes.
I repeat, this is an accomplishment?
The report found students are more apt to be victims of violence outside schools.
I repeat...oh, never mind.
BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH (Or, STERNO's a WOMAN who writes for WIRED.com!):
I'm more inclined to believe that poverty, disenfranchisement, desperation, racism, child abuse, ignorance and gang mentality...
...lead to terrorism? So how do you fight terrorism? By being NICE to people?
OHHHHHHHHHHH, you're talking about POOOOOOOOORN, about those EEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL SAM BROWNBACKS who want to REGULATE EVERY PC. Well, the PORN spamsters seem to have done enough to make PCs virtually useless. I guess I can live with 1000 come-ons every day in my in-box. Can you? Can your friends' children? (From the way you type we may safely assume you have none.)
I'm more inclined to believe that poverty, disenfranchisement, desperation, racism, child abuse, ignorance and gang mentality...
...lead to terrorism? So how do you fight terrorism? By being NICE to people?
OHHHHHHHHHHH, you're talking about POOOOOOOOORN, about those EEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL SAM BROWNBACKS who want to REGULATE EVERY PC. Well, the PORN spamsters seem to have done enough to make PCs virtually useless. I guess I can live with 1000 come-ons every day in my in-box. Can you? Can your friends' children? (From the way you type we may safely assume you have none.)
Overheard today at Mickey D's:
She can sing without MUSIC?
Hey bud, you don't know music these days.
She can sing without MUSIC?
Hey bud, you don't know music these days.
No, MR. NO-SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN ZONE, there's a DIFFERENCE between passing phony memos and saying, "Hey babe, you've got nice boobs. Mind if I stimulate their erogenous zones?"
MR. NO-SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN ZONE may be challenging THE GLIBERAL as AMERICA'S MOST INSULAR, SELF-SATIRICAL, STUPIDEST PUNDIT.
MR. NO-SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN ZONE may be challenging THE GLIBERAL as AMERICA'S MOST INSULAR, SELF-SATIRICAL, STUPIDEST PUNDIT.
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGLE
BLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGGER'S
SLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW
AGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN.
Let me guess -- GOOG WENT UP TODAY!!!!!
And a big fat THANK YOU to the ZILLIONAIRE DO-NOTHINGS in MOUNTAIN VIEW for losing TWO OF MY POSTS!!!!! HOW MANY OTHER POSTS DID YOU LOSE TODAY?
BLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGGER'S
SLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW
AGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN.
Let me guess -- GOOG WENT UP TODAY!!!!!
And a big fat THANK YOU to the ZILLIONAIRE DO-NOTHINGS in MOUNTAIN VIEW for losing TWO OF MY POSTS!!!!! HOW MANY OTHER POSTS DID YOU LOSE TODAY?
Dubya's chosen the price-gouging sugar-sweetening Kellogg's CEO Mr. Gutierrez as his Commerce chief.
What would you rather do -- make millions financing CRAPPY TELEVISION and boasting you know all of Hollywood, or run a bureaucracy?
I guess Dubya needed another Hispanic.
Then again...after four years at Commerce, maybe Carlos will go out and find himself another regal throne -- how does GE BANCORP sound? -- and thus emboldened his royal fits really WILL hit the fan!
P. S. Prez calls him a "visionary." TRANSLATION: He bought Keebler.
What would you rather do -- make millions financing CRAPPY TELEVISION and boasting you know all of Hollywood, or run a bureaucracy?
I guess Dubya needed another Hispanic.
Then again...after four years at Commerce, maybe Carlos will go out and find himself another regal throne -- how does GE BANCORP sound? -- and thus emboldened his royal fits really WILL hit the fan!
P. S. Prez calls him a "visionary." TRANSLATION: He bought Keebler.
If America's "news"papers couldn't run ads like this, how could they fill in the space between the ads?
It's something to consider the next time you hear of press bias, or a correction, or Hairshirt Howie or Hairshirt Shaw on another of their lengthy mea culpas, or CIRCULATION INFLATION.
P. S. We shouldn't be surprised: Hearst's been running ads in the news hole since Billy Randolph BLEW UP THE MAINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's something to consider the next time you hear of press bias, or a correction, or Hairshirt Howie or Hairshirt Shaw on another of their lengthy mea culpas, or CIRCULATION INFLATION.
P. S. We shouldn't be surprised: Hearst's been running ads in the news hole since Billy Randolph BLEW UP THE MAINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Raising lots of money in political campaigns is one thing. But if it is not spent wisely, it can do more harm than good.
Who says it ever does any good?
P. S. George $oro$ spent $23.4 million, which in his case qualifies as CHUMP change.
Who says it ever does any good?
P. S. George $oro$ spent $23.4 million, which in his case qualifies as CHUMP change.
Sunday, November 28, 2004
If I were a con-SER-va-tive I wouldn't get TOO excited that Ollie's masterwork's a bomb (or as POWER LINE!!!!! would put it, a BOMB!!!!!!!!!!) because despite his many flops Ollie, like Spike Lee and Woodster the Perv, is a succès d'estime in the BIZ, and the only way he'd be stopped from making movies is if he turned -- CON-SER-VA-TIVE.
STERNO's alter ego and former fellow SYNERGIST DICK "GUNS CAUSED COLUMBINE!!!!!" CORLISS writes 5,261 TIRESOME WORDS about movie sex, and OF COURSE, being a FLAILING BURNING HACK he must NOT realize he thoroughly VOIDS his 5,261 TIRESOME WORDS with TWENTY WORDS from Mike Nichols:
"I think sex in a movie is boring," Nichols says, "just as a scene of someone eating dinner is not that interesting" [punctuational SIC]
So this is what we've come to: all that FREEDOM, all that SEX, and the topic is BORING. This is why I HATE AD-BLURB COPYWRITERS with an ASEXUAL PASSION: their OPEN-MINDED GROUPTHINK helped GET MOVIES in their CURRENT MESS -- and our SOCIETY TOO.
"I think sex in a movie is boring," Nichols says, "just as a scene of someone eating dinner is not that interesting" [punctuational SIC]
So this is what we've come to: all that FREEDOM, all that SEX, and the topic is BORING. This is why I HATE AD-BLURB COPYWRITERS with an ASEXUAL PASSION: their OPEN-MINDED GROUPTHINK helped GET MOVIES in their CURRENT MESS -- and our SOCIETY TOO.
If this PAPER OF RE-CORD account of Lockheed Martin is to be believed, there is no "revolving door" when government is business, and business is government.
Last graf quoting the head of this for-profit agency:
"I don't say this lightly," he said. "Our industry has contributed to a change in humankind."
It could contribute to an even bigger change if you're not careful.
Last graf quoting the head of this for-profit agency:
"I don't say this lightly," he said. "Our industry has contributed to a change in humankind."
It could contribute to an even bigger change if you're not careful.
Which is not to say that MR. MARK ever forgets his ROOTS -- the HITLER DIARIES, Joe "Nobel Prize in Literature" Klein, etc. AS IN:
Earlier this fall, Jackson invited NEWSWEEK to be the first to visit the set of "King Kong"....
LIKE HELL. GE BANCORP SENT THE INVITE. So we should say LITTLE JEFFREY wooed your flack to the set, or Bob "Plastic Man" Wright -- or, at least figuratively speaking, PAT KINGSLEY, since she figuratively writes half the rag.
P. S. The Imagineering Goodthings folks (we should give credit to the FRENCH WATER WORKS FOLKS, since it really happened under their mismanagement) are doing this because there's a King Kong attraction at its theme park in Universal City -- a GREAT REASON TO REMAKE A REVERED PICTURE. Sounds like SIX SIGMA to me!
P. P. S. Universal didn't even make the original. RKO RADIO did.
P. P. P. S. RKO was once a joint venture run by (among others) Joe "The Fascist Fornicator" Kennedy Sr. and RCA. Guess what happened to RCA. It is not written in the Bible that GE BANCORP has to last forever.
Earlier this fall, Jackson invited NEWSWEEK to be the first to visit the set of "King Kong"....
LIKE HELL. GE BANCORP SENT THE INVITE. So we should say LITTLE JEFFREY wooed your flack to the set, or Bob "Plastic Man" Wright -- or, at least figuratively speaking, PAT KINGSLEY, since she figuratively writes half the rag.
P. S. The Imagineering Goodthings folks (we should give credit to the FRENCH WATER WORKS FOLKS, since it really happened under their mismanagement) are doing this because there's a King Kong attraction at its theme park in Universal City -- a GREAT REASON TO REMAKE A REVERED PICTURE. Sounds like SIX SIGMA to me!
P. P. S. Universal didn't even make the original. RKO RADIO did.
P. P. P. S. RKO was once a joint venture run by (among others) Joe "The Fascist Fornicator" Kennedy Sr. and RCA. Guess what happened to RCA. It is not written in the Bible that GE BANCORP has to last forever.
WwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwELL!!!!! After MR. MARK'S MASTERPIECE, the greatest achievement in magazines since MARGARET BOURKE-WHITE'S FORT PECK DAM graced THE FIRST COVER OF HENRY LUCE'S LIFE, what can he do for an ENCORE?????
Of course -- MEMORY DRUGS!!!!!
We don't need them, MR. MARK, to remember how BAD BLUNDER's been over the years.
Of course -- MEMORY DRUGS!!!!!
We don't need them, MR. MARK, to remember how BAD BLUNDER's been over the years.