THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
Blogroll Me!
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Posted
1:16 PM
by Gene
Overrated Optimism: The Peril of Positive Thinking
Then you get the byline:
By Barbara Ehrenreich
Then you get:
Americans have long prided themselves on being "positive" and optimistic — traits that reached a manic zenith in the early years of this millennium. Iraq would be a cakewalk! The Dow would reach 36,000! Housing prices could never decline! Optimism was not only patriotic, it was a Christian virtue, or so we learned from the proliferating preachers of the "prosperity gospel," whose God wants to "prosper" you.
Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....The TWXSTERS really should stick to animated cartoons.
Posted
1:14 PM
by Gene
For God's sake what's wrong with would-be prime ministers wearing decent clothes? Haven't we had enough of pols as slobs?
Posted
12:59 PM
by Gene
"Chris had a midlife crisis and came out of it totally turned on by Greg's celebrity, gorgeous looks and bank account," says a south Florida friend of the couple. "They didn't take time to get to know each other. Both of them are narcissistic and want to control. In a celebrity marriage, only one person can be like that."
Norman and Evert never set up a home together. He stayed in his Jupiter Island manse, "Tranquility," while Evert remained in her nearly $3 million Boca Raton home. The couple would sleep over at each other's houses.
Posted
12:39 PM
by Gene
He deserves the prize. S'allright!
S'allright!
Fidel too -- and he can do it himself!
Posted
12:39 PM
by Gene
Under the Democratic bills, federal tax credits to help make health insurance affordable for millions of low- and middle-income households won’t start flowing until 2013 — after the next presidential election. But Medicare cuts and a sizable chunk of the tax increases to pay for the overhaul kick in immediately.
The eat-your-vegetables-first approach is causing heartburn for some Democrats.
We've found a motto for His Omnipotence!
Posted
11:20 AM
by Gene
Dynamite the Nobel prize in economics (Emphasis added)
But because thousands of people seem to be employed to award the Dynamite Memorials, and because they are a source of national pride in Scandinavia, this won't happen.
(Via Seeking Alpha)
Posted
9:46 AM
by Gene
USA Today boss: "Circulation declines are temporary"
Oops, I'm very sorry -- wrong link! (Romy, natch)
Posted
9:34 AM
by Gene
A news hack's work is never done, is it.
P. S. The Daily Kaplan's editorial.
P. P. S. ESPNCORP used to employ this actress, but I can't think of her name -- oh yes! Douglas! Donna Douglas! That pretty girl Elly Mae in The Beverly Hillbillies!
Posted
9:23 AM
by Gene
The POT....
Posted
9:18 AM
by Gene
After the two world wars YOUR continent brought us, THORB-JOERN JAG-LAND....
OR:
"Their meetings are extremely secretive," said Beth Fischer, a political scientist at the University of Toronto who was a Nobel Fellow and spent time at the Nobel Institute in 2002. "There are very few people who really know what the conversations are in the room. Generally speaking, Norway is a very left-leaning country. That's going to be reflected in the selection of the prize."
Which may explain why even LIBERALS were embarrassed.
Posted
2:55 PM
by Gene
Well that's one way of putting it.
Posted
1:41 PM
by Gene
Al-Qaeda suspect was nuclear researcher at CERN
One of two suspected al-Qaeda collaborators arrested in France this week was a researcher at the European Organisation for Nuclear Research (CERN) in Switzerland, a judicial source said on Friday.
We should note that Europeans inspired history's two most catastrophic wars and invented Communism and fascism, Zyklon B and the GULAG. What right have they to teach us morals?
Posted
1:37 PM
by Gene
You mean even the hotel guests are getting wise to that garbage dump of press releases?
Hey Frank! Smile!
Posted
1:15 PM
by Gene
Posted
11:39 AM
by Gene
Posted
11:32 AM
by Gene
I wonder if this won't collapse in the end because Very Littler Jeffy wants too much -- and BRIAN ROBBER wants too much.
If Comcast is succesful, it intends to retain NBC's current management, sources said.
Hmmm, maybe we're wrong on the latter -- this can only mean JEFF "GO FOURTH" ZUCKS!
Posted
11:24 AM
by Gene
Posted
11:08 AM
by Gene
Obama doesn't deserve the prize, yet.
Yes, the president has said he wants a world free of nuclear weapons, but as Jonathan Schell wrote in our pages, he has a long way to go before that vision becomes reality. That path must include the US Senate ratifying the comprehensive test ban treaty, and even a full court press from the White House can't guarantee that will happen this fall.
Then there's the matter of Obama's multilateralism and partnering with the UN. As Naomi Klein pointed out, the Obama administration, like its predecessor, boycotted the UN Durban anti-racism conference [BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!], using the flap over language on Israel-Palestine as an excuse to duck the actual issues about racial justice the conference cautiously raised. As for climate change, Obama has yet to commit to attending the December climate change conference in Copenhagen, and if that jaunt to Denmark is going to succeed in reducing carbon emissions, the US will have to bring a lot more to the table than it is currently offering.
I could go on: fully closing Gitmo and restoring civil liberties and compliance with the Geneva Conventions; negotiating with Iran in good faith; withdrawing from Iraq and, of course, withdrawal from Afghanistan. Escalation, or even maintaining the status quo there, would alone discredit this award in history's eyes.
-- but not to worry; this award was "aspirational".
Posted
11:05 AM
by Gene
The Democratic chairmen of several key committees overseeing war policy, including the House Armed Services and Intelligence committees, say they back the military's request for a troop buildup in Afghanistan - despite House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's stance that Congress will not support deploying more U.S. forces.
Posted
11:02 AM
by Gene
As if we needed to know.
Posted
11:00 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:57 AM
by Gene
1. Technically, true. 2. I guess being God now means that He can go on being brazenly cheaply partisan.
(Via -- oh well -- MS. TRAVERS)
Posted
10:52 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:49 AM
by Gene
Market Car Bombing in Pakistan’s Peshawar Kills 50
What will His Omnipotence do about that?
Posted
10:46 AM
by Gene
The other day, a colleague of mine called the Coen brothers “Stanley Kubrick’s grandchildren,’’ and he didn’t mean it as a compliment. He was referencing the cold, almost inhuman brilliance the filmmakers share; the cynicism that allows no emotion beyond the unforgiving laugh. (FIRST TWO SENTENCES)
We've said it before, we say it again -- news hacks stumble on the truth. And THEN they let it get away from them, being so incurious to follow through on it.
Posted
10:44 AM
by Gene
Obama's winning the peace prize shows these prizes are political, not governed by the principles of credibility, values and morals.
Why should Obama be given a peace prize while his country owns the largest nuclear arsenal on Earth and his soldiers continue to shed innocent blood in Iraq and Afghanistan?
TALIBAN SPOKESMAN ZABIHULLAH MUJAHID
We have seen no change in his strategy for peace. He has done nothing for peace in Afghanistan. He has not taken a single step for peace in Afghanistan or to make this country stable.
We condemn the award of the Noble Peace Prize for Obama. We condemn the institute's awarding him the peace prize. We condemn this year's peace prize as unjust.
We'll say this much: they're knowledgeable.
Posted
10:41 AM
by Gene
Ask Dr. Kissinger.
Posted
10:39 AM
by Gene
ANYONE could do better than PVT. ZELL.
Posted
10:34 AM
by Gene
Yep, we'd expect those to praise it.
Posted
10:32 AM
by Gene
Better keep our fingers crossed.
Posted
10:31 AM
by Gene
The Nobel shows Obama is still popular abroad. But it doesn't help much if the U.S. is seen as a banana republic.
ZEITGEIST!!!!!
Posted
10:16 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:09 AM
by Gene
But even the hacks are not pleased:
Obama's Nobel: The Last Thing He Needs
Posted
8:06 PM
by Gene
On balance, this seems a healthier reaction than falling like schoolgirls for the candidate's "centrism," "fiscal responsibility," "post-partisan temperament," and other hooey like certain conservatives thinkers [SIC] we could mention.
Does that includes the sons of the founders of N------- R-----?
Posted
7:22 PM
by Gene
The Newseum's Tim Russert Shrine (Home-page link; posted today at 4:06 p. m.)
You read it here first!
Mickey K too -- and I beat Gawker by two hours!
Posted
7:20 PM
by Gene
The number of cocaine users in the U.K. has doubled to 1 million in the past decade, according to the United Nations World Drug Report 2009.
The more coke, the more minarets.
Posted
3:10 PM
by Gene
How many times do you click to escape ads in news Web sites?
Posted
2:46 PM
by Gene
When you need the money!
Posted
2:21 PM
by Gene
DOW UP 5,000!!!!!
Posted
1:22 PM
by Gene
A NEUHARTISM OF THE MONTH AWARD (POLITICAL DIVISION) TO JANE!
Posted
1:15 PM
by Gene
Thankfully enough news hacks are still in his thrall that they'll see it as just the very dark underside of a cloud in his heaven.
Posted
9:51 AM
by Gene
And He did it through PIRACY!
Why am I not surprised?
(Via IWantMedia)
Posted
9:35 AM
by Gene
That PILLHEAD is an ASS is another story -- and that this ASS might find a better use of his money (regardless of the NFL's supposed permanent upward trajectory) is yet another.
Posted
9:13 AM
by Gene
I don't know -- is it wise to name a movie for your target audience?
Posted
8:49 AM
by Gene
Speaker Babs doesn't like Whiny Reid either? No wonder he's in trouble.
Posted
8:26 AM
by Gene
DOW UP 2,000!!!!!!!!!!
Alcoa’s results were “A POSITIVE START TO THE EARNINGS SEASON!” said John Stephenson, who helps manage C$1.5 billion ($1.4 billion) including Alcoa shares at First Asset Investment Management in Toronto.
“IT'S GREAT TO SEE!” Stephenson said in an interview after the results were announced. “YOU DON'T SEE MANY TIMES WHERE PEOPLE BLOW AWAY THE NUMBERS TO THIS DEGREE!!!!!” (Huffing puffing overemphasis added)
If these assorted sales...ANALYSTS and other touts would just blow -- then the Dow wouldn't be up 10,000 points by Christmas.
Posted
8:10 AM
by Gene
Now -- the Good Intentions Prize.
P. S. I now see I was unduly harsh; the winner lived behind the Iron Curtain and documented its horrors. Nonetheless I never heard of her. How many people have? And that is because literature in general and fiction in particular are no longer A-1 in the cultural marketplace, except for the hyperhacks.
Posted
5:15 PM
by Gene
U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder and Education Secretary Arne Duncan pledged federal support on Wednesday to fight a surge in youth violence in Chicago and other cities, calling the brutal beating death of Derrion Albert, a teenager on the city's South Side, a wake-up call for the country.
But neither offered specifics or outlined any new strategies on how the government would help quell the increase in the number of violent deaths among teens.
Posted
3:11 PM
by Gene
Did ever anyone do the same for ST. EDWARD OF MURROW? Or ST. JOSEPH OF P-ULITZER? OR ST. ADOLPH OF OCHS? What makes this guy so eternally wonderful?
Posted
2:43 PM
by Gene
Some idiots in the PR biz STILL call him LEGENDARY.
(First link via Seeking Alpha)
Posted
11:30 AM
by Gene
Posted
11:18 AM
by Gene
Oct 7, 11:17 AM EDT
Alicia Keys gets her Oprah Winfrey on
By MESFIN FEKADU
Associated Press Writer
NEW YORK (AP) -- Alicia Keys has influenced many lives with her soulful, heart aching piano-driven songs for almost a decade.
Now that the Grammy-winner has established herself as one of music's brightest stars, Keys is ready to inspire others - without singing a tune.
Keys is launching AK Worldwide, a company that will handle the 28-year-old's projects outside of music.
The first is The Barber's Daughters, a handcrafted jewelry line engraved with messages of hope. Keys will also launch a Web site, iamasuperwoman.com, devoted to spotlighting inspirational women and causes.
Keys says her creative work as a businesswoman has spilled over to her music - and that's reflected on her upcoming CD, "The Element of Freedom," to be released Dec. 1.
On the Net: http://www.aliciakeys.com
What's the difference between this and one of those pretend news articles in papers that's slugged "Advertisement"?
You keep running such PR, CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!), and no amount of charging for "exclusive content" will help.
Posted
9:48 AM
by Gene
The ribosome research, the academy said, is being used to develop new antibiotics.
I said it before, I'll say it again: Increasingly, what is the connection between the Dynamite Memorial science prizes and us?
Posted
9:27 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:17 AM
by Gene
That's the number of words in MICKEY D's OFFICIAL MONOPOLY® RULES.
The last three words are probably the most significant:
NBC Universal, Inc.
This means the entire top management at the Mick will be schmoozing from now until THE UPCOMING GAMES end.
You sure you should be wasting that money on JUT-JAW, Jim?
Posted
8:57 AM
by Gene
What? They're taking on the national pastime?
Posted
8:53 AM
by Gene
Half-a-dozen of the other: Democrats sleeping on the job running the Congress.
We shouldn't make too much of this -- better our Congress stay sound asleep than flailing wide-awake -- but these guys did boast they were going to work work work, and they play play play with the peasantry as usual.
Posted
8:39 AM
by Gene
It's going hard-core?
Or is it turning into a women's title?
When does someone finally extinguish the light on that fossil's fossil?
(Via MediaBistro)
Posted
8:35 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:28 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:17 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:35 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:00 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:42 PM
by Gene
Pharma Drops Search Advertising After FDA Warning
Sponsored Links Fall 84% Following Dressing Down for Violating Marketing Guidelines
Posted
5:40 PM
by Gene
When do we concede His Omnipotence is not -- oh, never mind.
Posted
5:34 PM
by Gene
This is Bloomy's to lose.
(Via Seeking Alpha)
Posted
1:52 PM
by Gene
But NOT the most fundamental challenge of all: a product one step above raw sewage.
“Everything is being revamped and changed, but what is really changed?” asked one leading talent agent, who declined to be identified.
“This notion of ‘change’ is just for change’s sake,” he said. “It’s not really changing anything. It goes back to -- if you put talented people in who appreciate artists, you’ll do well.” [LAST TWO GRAFS]
TRANSLATION: If you change the execs and they "appreciate" the "artists", it alchemizes all that stuff just above raw sewage into GOLD!
Still looking for a job, Sharon?
[Caveat to second link: THE WALL STREET JOURNALS CONSERVATIVE EDITION.]
Posted
12:01 PM
by Gene
431 NEW HIGHS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
11:14 AM
by Gene
(Via the usual Romy)
Posted
9:40 AM
by Gene
And we wonder if the CCD is an entirely benign invention as it has helped set up a surveillance society. Ultimately these inventors are as blameless as Vladimir Zworykin when he came up with fully-electronic television -- but it is amazing how seldom scientists think through the consequences of their discoveries.
Posted
5:07 PM
by Gene
The moveemakers in Pawtucket could start with this one -- it looks like a HIP Monopoly® house!
Posted
11:51 AM
by Gene
"Doonesbury" creator: There's nothing I can do to prepare for a post-newspaper future
Greensboro News & Record
"Other than hope that the large media companies will come to their senses and form a gated Web collective along the lines of cable TV," says Garry Trudeau. "They need to form a news utility, financed by subscription or micropayments because going it alone has been disastrous for all of them."
Posted at 10:38 AM on Oct. 5, 2009
Pay for YOUR chicken scratch?
AND:
"I'm not saying I'm not worth it," says Peter King, who offered to give back some of his salary to save jobs at Sports Illustrated. "But I make a stupid amount of money. Sometimes it seems a little absurd considering what's happening in our business."
Pay for YOUR ridiculous salaries?
(Romy permalinks added)
Posted
9:41 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:19 AM
by Gene
Salazar v. Buono
At issue: Whether the government can permit the display of a crucifix on public land as per the Establishment Clause.
Yes; the Fingers don't want to be viewed as the sort of atheists most people see them as.
Maryland v. Shatzer
At issue: The scope of the rights of police suspects, as given in the court's landmark 1966 decision, Miranda v. Arizona.
From my microscopic knowledge the Fingers have been tweaking Miranda for years in favor of law enforcement, and I doubt that will change.
Graham v. Florida / Sullivan v. Florida
At issue: Whether life imprisonment for juveniles on nonhomicide charges constitutes cruel and unusual punishment.
No; the Fingers have a way of occasionally doing things that seem almost inhumane, especially when confronting the maniacs in states like Texas where you can get life for littering.
National Rifle Association v. Chicago / McDonald v. Chicago
At issue: Second Amendment rights to gun ownership.
Sorry, but I think the Second Amendment exists. Chicago loses.
American Needle v. National Football League
At issue: Whether sporting leagues should be exempt from antitrust regulations.
The Fingers will NEVER bring down America's Profit Center!
Posted
8:52 AM
by Gene
Study: Press pays little attention to economic woes of ordinary people [You-know-who link]
Oh please, not only are you hacks our superiors, you're our economic superiors. Your salaries allowed you to stop hanging around "ordinary people" ages ago so you could write advertorials for movee stars and high-mucky-muck execs. Stop going humble on us. You're as humble as His Omnipotence, the god you elected to office.
Posted
8:45 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:37 AM
by Gene
Onward and downward toward the "Literature" and "Peace" prizes.
Posted
4:58 PM
by Gene
1. U.S. Media Revenue Set for Historic 2009 Decline
That's the kind of historic we like!
The BAD news:
[T]he media industry is poised to emerge with less debt and stronger balance sheets.
Meaning it can still hector the peasants!
2. Banks Turn Message Back to What Consumers Want
TRANSLATION: They think they can ADVERTISE the public past their fees, their credit-line reductions, their HELP FROM UNCLE SUCKER. That and they've turned their branches into Starbucks. I suspect our nationalized banks have another think coming.
Posted
4:48 PM
by Gene
Good luck!
(Via Seeking Alpha)
Posted
4:22 PM
by Gene
Q: But not every impact can be broken down into dollars and cents, right?
A: Sure. One of the biggest benefits of an Olympics - or a similar event - is civic pride.
Chinese residents overwhelmingly said hosting the 2008 games would improve their image around the globe, despite its eye-popping $40 billion price tag.
After Germany poured millions into hosting the World Cup in 2006, data showed there wasn't much economic impact. But research also showed Germans were much happier afterward.
What it comes down to: Winning an Olympic games will make Rio de Janeiro an even more exciting city. But it might not make Brazilians rich.
One of the central tenets of RENDELLISM is that civic pride is a good. Philadelphia has so much history we could take it to the bank. But other than low-paying tourist jobs how much does history help? Meantime we must live in the here-and-now -- a city sixty percent ghetto, with little industry and lots of taxpayer-leeching institutions, that loses residents no matter how many high-end apartments we must build. Civic pride is to the RENDELLIST what faith healing is to a corrupt evangelist -- and even Jim Bakker admitted he was wrong, more than we can ever expect of a louse like EDDIE.
I mention this too because the BLUTOS are about to embark on another three-week-long mission to make lots of noise on weekdays around 1 a. m. I will not say what I said the last time. And last time the epochal triumph came as our economy threatened an immortal collapse. Things are not much better now -- and no amount of horn tooting and drunken reverie will help Philadelphia, or anyone else.
Posted
1:56 PM
by Gene
We could say shut up to him too.
Posted
1:01 PM
by Gene
Greenspan says unemployment will top 10 percent
Well Wizard, you helped get us there.
"This is an extraordinary period and temporary actions must be taken, especially to assuage the angst of a very substantial part of our population."
Can't some Wizards ever shut up?
Posted
12:01 PM
by Gene
IOC: American TV rights worth less after Rio win
This presumes the depr -- recess -- ECONOMY isn't over by 2016. (Something it might be difficult to presume.) No, MICKEY D's and COKE and whoever else leads a charmed corporate life will come to the rescue, and RUPERT or SUMNER or their successors (something else it might be difficult to presume) or BRIAN ROBBER (that might be difficult to presume) will burn more money so that they can rule the world, even though it be an electronic illusion.
Posted
11:59 AM
by Gene
We can't help it but ET TU, Kenneth?
Posted
11:12 AM
by Gene
We hate to make a big deal of little things, but really, Mark should stick to being Joan Rivers to PILLHEAD's Johnny Carson.
P. S. at 4:40 p. m. Somebody anonymously corrected PILLHEAD's Accent. Maybe he was thinking Australian Broadcasting Corporation?
