Posted 4:15 PM by Gene

Barron's, the business flack sheet that is THANKFULLY "behind the wall," has come up with a Top-30 CEOs list. Leaving aside the utility of lists of anything, and especially anything that calls ST. WARREN OF BUFFETT "the conscience of business," one must first ask on seeing such a list, how many of these heroes will lose their jobs for lousy performance? How many will be indicted or convicted? It would never occur to Barron's unAbelsons that lists sow seeds of doubt.

Posted 1:00 PM by Gene

Meantime CHEAP CHANNEL and the BAD THEATER CROWD are forced to take a HUGE LOSS on a musical revival, which makes on wonder how long P&G can finance these VANITY PRODUCTIONS.

Unfortunately we know the answer -- FOREVER.

Posted 12:52 PM by Gene

Paul Henning, the creator of The Beverly Hillbillies, has died -- or as this obit puts it:

Henning was born on a farm in Missouri on Sept. 16, 1911 and grew up in Independence. As a teenager, he worked behind the soda fountain at Brown's Drugstore, where he met Harry Truman, who advised the young boy to become a lawyer, his daughter said.

We are tempted to say something but will merely hold our peace.

Posted 12:35 PM by Gene

A federal criminal investigation has uncovered evidence that the government of Pakistan made clandestine purchases of U.S. high-technology components for use in its nuclear weapons program in defiance of American law.

--------------------------------------------------------

In a major policy shift, the United States announced Friday it would sell F-16 fighter jets to Pakistan, rewarding an ally but angering its neighbor and rival, India.

Citing their gratitude for Pakistan's help against Islamic militants, U.S. officials said they would authorize the sale of at least 24 of the fighters in a package of aircraft and maintenance services worth about $1.5 billion.

Hey CONDI! You trying out for GENERAL II?

Posted 12:24 PM by Gene

Bush's delayed public reaction to the shooting stood in contrast to his swift and high-profile intervention this week to prolong the life of Terri Schiavo, a brain-damaged woman in Florida whose feeding tube was removed.

And the public's reaction to terrorist attacks stood in contrast to REUTERS calling them the work of "militants," "guerillas," "insurgents," and "another man's freedom fighters."

REPEAT AFTER ME: COMPUTER -- C-O-M-P-U-T-E-R....

Posted 12:14 PM by Gene

The Great White Way has a NEW THEME SONG:

TE-le-VI-SION, TE-le-VI-SION!

(I'm sick of it!)

TE-le-VI-SION, TE-le-VI-SION!

To be sung at maximum loudness, with a maximum of MELISMA.

(Apologies to Stan Freberg.)

Posted 10:10 AM by Gene

What goes around, comes around:

Months after he endorsed Democrat John Kerry for president, the mayor of the tiny town made famous by President Bush's ranch has decided not to seek re-election.

Shucks, sometimes heroism DON'T pay.

Campbell's endorsement of Kerry attracted little attention outside Crawford, while a similar move by the local Lone Star Iconoclast made headlines around the world.

Maybe the PAPER ought to resign TOO.

Posted 9:54 AM by Gene

LEGENDARY WELCH GETS HIS REP BACK -- ON EVERYBODY'S FAVORITE VIDEO PRESS KIT, 60 SELLING MINUTES!

"We think about me being 80 and she's 55 and, you know, will I be a bumbling idiot someday?" Welch said.

But that's what you were, LEGENDARY -- a GENIUS!

OR (NEXT line):

Some, like ex-wife Jane Beasley, might agree.

P. S. OL' LEGENDARY was interviewed by DANNO, who ALSO knows something about EXCELLENCE in REPUTATIONS.

Posted 9:44 AM by Gene

ANOTHER ERROR MESSAGE FROM NEW, IMPROVED G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLEBLOGGER:

HTTP Status 500 -

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

type Exception report

message

description The server encountered an internal error () that prevented it from fulfilling this request.

exception

javax.servlet.ServletException: Servlet execution threw an exception
at org.apache.catalina.core.ApplicationFilterChain.internalDoFilter(ApplicationFilterChain.java:269)
at org.apache.catalina.core.ApplicationFilterChain.doFilter(ApplicationFilterChain.java:193)
at org.apache.catalina.core.StandardWrapperValve.invoke(StandardWrapperValve.java:256)
at org.apache.catalina.core.StandardPipeline$StandardPipelineValveContext.invokeNext(StandardPipeline.java:643)
at org.apache.catalina.core.StandardPipeline.invoke(StandardPipeline.java:480)
at org.apache.catalina.core.ContainerBase.invoke(ContainerBase.java:995)
at org.apache.catalina.core.StandardContextValve.invoke(StandardContextValve.java:191)
at org.apache.catalina.core.StandardPipeline$StandardPipelineValveContext.invokeNext(StandardPipeline.java:643)
at org.apache.catalina.authenticator.AuthenticatorBase.invoke(AuthenticatorBase.java:494)
at org.apache.catalina.core.StandardPipeline$StandardPipelineValveContext.invokeNext(StandardPipeline.java:641)
at org.apache.catalina.core.StandardPipeline.invoke(StandardPipeline.java:480)
at org.apache.catalina.core.ContainerBase.invoke(ContainerBase.java:995)
at org.apache.catalina.core.StandardContext.invoke(StandardContext.java:2415)
at org.apache.catalina.core.StandardHostValve.invoke(StandardHostValve.java:180)
at org.apache.catalina.core.StandardPipeline$StandardPipelineValveContext.invokeNext(StandardPipeline.java:643)
at org.apache.catalina.valves.ErrorDispatcherValve.invoke(ErrorDispatcherValve.java:171)
at org.apache.catalina.core.StandardPipeline$StandardPipelineValveContext.invokeNext(StandardPipeline.java:641)
at org.apache.catalina.valves.ErrorReportValve.invoke(ErrorReportValve.java:172)
at org.apache.catalina.core.StandardPipeline$StandardPipelineValveContext.invokeNext(StandardPipeline.java:641)
at org.apache.catalina.core.StandardPipeline.invoke(StandardPipeline.java:480)
at org.apache.catalina.core.ContainerBase.invoke(ContainerBase.java:995)
at org.apache.catalina.core.StandardEngineValve.invoke(StandardEngineValve.java:174)
at org.apache.catalina.core.StandardPipeline$StandardPipelineValveContext.invokeNext(StandardPipeline.java:643)
at org.apache.catalina.core.StandardPipeline.invoke(StandardPipeline.java:480)
at org.apache.catalina.core.ContainerBase.invoke(ContainerBase.java:995)
at org.apache.coyote.tomcat4.CoyoteAdapter.service(CoyoteAdapter.java:223)
at org.apache.jk.server.JkCoyoteHandler.invoke(JkCoyoteHandler.java:261)
at org.apache.jk.common.HandlerRequest.invoke(HandlerRequest.java:360)
at org.apache.jk.common.ChannelSocket.invoke(ChannelSocket.java:604)
at org.apache.jk.common.ChannelSocket.processConnection(ChannelSocket.java:562)
at org.apache.jk.common.SocketConnection.runIt(ChannelSocket.java:679)
at org.apache.tomcat.util.threads.ThreadPool$ControlRunnable.run(ThreadPool.java:619)
at java.lang.Thread.run(Thread.java:534)


root cause

java.lang.OutOfMemoryError: unable to create new native thread
at java.lang.Thread.start(Native Method)
at com.pyra.blogger.Blog.publishAsync(Blog.java:1938)
at com.pyra.blogger.frontend.PublishHandler.perform(PublishHandler.java:133)
at com.google.servlet.handlers.ActionHandler.execute(ActionHandler.java:27)
at com.google.servlet.handlers.AuthenticatedHandler.execute(AuthenticatedHandler.java:106)
at com.google.servlet.pipe.HandlerDispatchPipe.invoke(HandlerDispatchPipe.java:82)
at com.pyra.blogger.frontend.PyraJspDispatchPipe.invoke(PyraJspDispatchPipe.java:71)
at com.google.servlet.pipe.ServletPipe.invokeNextPipe(ServletPipe.java:118)
at com.pyra.blogger.frontend.ProfileLogPipe.invoke(ProfileLogPipe.java:48)
at com.google.servlet.pipe.ServletPipe.invokeNextPipe(ServletPipe.java:118)
at com.google.servlet.pipe.StatsPipe.invoke(StatsPipe.java:64)
at com.google.servlet.pipe.ServletPipe.invokeNextPipe(ServletPipe.java:118)
at com.google.servlet.pipe.PendingRequestPipe.invoke(PendingRequestPipe.java:31)
at com.google.servlet.pipe.ServletPipe.invokeNextPipe(ServletPipe.java:118)
at com.google.servlet.pipe.HttpRedirectPipe.invoke(HttpRedirectPipe.java:43)
at com.google.servlet.pipe.ServletPipe.invokeNextPipe(ServletPipe.java:118)
at com.pyra.blogger.frontend.IdentityCookiePipe.invoke(IdentityCookiePipe.java:137)
at com.google.servlet.pipe.ServletPipe.invokeNextPipe(ServletPipe.java:118)
at com.google.servlet.exceptionhandling.ExceptionHandlerPipe.invoke(ExceptionHandlerPipe.java:99)
at com.google.servlet.pipe.ServletPipe.invokeNextPipe(ServletPipe.java:118)
at com.google.servlet.pipe.LocaleContextPipe.invoke(LocaleContextPipe.java:116)
at com.google.servlet.BaseServlet.doGet(BaseServlet.java:89)
at javax.servlet.http.HttpServlet.service(HttpServlet.java:740)
at javax.servlet.http.HttpServlet.service(HttpServlet.java:853)
at org.apache.catalina.core.ApplicationFilterChain.internalDoFilter(ApplicationFilterChain.java:247)
at org.apache.catalina.core.ApplicationFilterChain.doFilter(ApplicationFilterChain.java:193)
at org.apache.catalina.core.StandardWrapperValve.invoke(StandardWrapperValve.java:256)
at org.apache.catalina.core.StandardPipeline$StandardPipelineValveContext.invokeNext(StandardPipeline.java:643)
at org.apache.catalina.core.StandardPipeline.invoke(StandardPipeline.java:480)
at org.apache.catalina.core.ContainerBase.invoke(ContainerBase.java:995)
at org.apache.catalina.core.StandardContextValve.invoke(StandardContextValve.java:191)
at org.apache.catalina.core.StandardPipeline$StandardPipelineValveContext.invokeNext(StandardPipeline.java:643)
at org.apache.catalina.authenticator.AuthenticatorBase.invoke(AuthenticatorBase.java:494)
at org.apache.catalina.core.StandardPipeline$StandardPipelineValveContext.invokeNext(StandardPipeline.java:641)
at org.apache.catalina.core.StandardPipeline.invoke(StandardPipeline.java:480)
at org.apache.catalina.core.ContainerBase.invoke(ContainerBase.java:995)
at org.apache.catalina.core.StandardContext.invoke(StandardContext.java:2415)
at org.apache.catalina.core.StandardHostValve.invoke(StandardHostValve.java:180)
at org.apache.catalina.core.StandardPipeline$StandardPipelineValveContext.invokeNext(StandardPipeline.java:643)
at org.apache.catalina.valves.ErrorDispatcherValve.invoke(ErrorDispatcherValve.java:171)
at org.apache.catalina.core.StandardPipeline$StandardPipelineValveContext.invokeNext(StandardPipeline.java:641)
at org.apache.catalina.valves.ErrorReportValve.invoke(ErrorReportValve.java:172)
at org.apache.catalina.core.StandardPipeline$StandardPipelineValveContext.invokeNext(StandardPipeline.java:641)
at org.apache.catalina.core.StandardPipeline.invoke(StandardPipeline.java:480)
at org.apache.catalina.core.ContainerBase.invoke(ContainerBase.java:995)
at org.apache.catalina.core.StandardEngineValve.invoke(StandardEngineValve.java:174)
at org.apache.catalina.core.StandardPipeline$StandardPipelineValveContext.invokeNext(StandardPipeline.java:643)
at org.apache.catalina.core.StandardPipeline.invoke(StandardPipeline.java:480)
at org.apache.catalina.core.ContainerBase.invoke(ContainerBase.java:995)
at org.apache.coyote.tomcat4.CoyoteAdapter.service(CoyoteAdapter.java:223)
at org.apache.jk.server.JkCoyoteHandler.invoke(JkCoyoteHandler.java:261)
at org.apache.jk.common.HandlerRequest.invoke(HandlerRequest.java:360)
at org.apache.jk.common.ChannelSocket.invoke(ChannelSocket.java:604)
at org.apache.jk.common.ChannelSocket.processConnection(ChannelSocket.java:562)
at org.apache.jk.common.SocketConnection.runIt(ChannelSocket.java:679)
at org.apache.tomcat.util.threads.ThreadPool$ControlRunnable.run(ThreadPool.java:619)
at java.lang.Thread.run(Thread.java:534)



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Apache Tomcat/4.1.24

AND NOT THE FIRST TIME.

WE'RE TIRED OF YOUR INTERNAL SERVER ERRORS, CLEM KADIDDLEHOPPERS.

Posted 9:39 AM by Gene

More playing with words like a baby playing with its food -- from THE REUT, natch:

Many Germans Want Berlin Wall Back, Study Finds

Survey SAID:

Nearly a quarter of western Germans and 12 percent of easterners want the Berlin Wall back -- more than 15 years after the fall of the barrier that split Germany during the Cold War, according to a new survey.

The results of the poll, published Saturday, reflected die-hard animosities over high reunification costs lowering western standards of living and economic turmoil in the east.

I suspect some people would like their respective security blankets back. For decades Southerners wanted slavery back. Lately Russians have wanted Stalin back. More than a few Germans may want Hitler back. What do such Family Feud-style surveys prove except that people like security blankets?

Posted 9:32 AM by Gene

MORE TRUTH AND BEAUTY FROM ST. WARREN:

A week after their unprecedented intervention in the Terri Schiavo case, Republican congressional leaders find themselves in a moral and political thicket, having advanced the cause as a right-to-life issue -- only to confront polls showing that the public does not see it that way.

"How deep is this Congress going to reach into the personal lives of each and every one of us?" asked Rep. Christopher Shays (Conn.), one of only five Republicans in the House to vote against the Schiavo bill.

This is a declaration of war on the reader. The HACKS are willing to declare their bias in the first two paragraphs. There is no need to read further, as there often isn't. This is also proof that NEWS HACKS can do what they please, THE CIRCULATION BE DAMNED -- although I suspect there may be a few MILD oaths at THE HOLY CHURCH in Omaha, Nebraska. But JUST mild. Truth is ALWAYS mightier than the CIRCULATION.

Repeat after me, Shailagh and Mike. COMPUTER. C-O-M-P-U-T-E-R. INTERNET. I-N-T-E-R-N-E-T.

Posted 9:26 AM by Gene

Kennedy, Chafee Could Face Off in R.I.

One could be uncharitable and say, Tweedledum vs. Tweedledee. Of course one could be a SIX-DIGIT TYPIST in a LUXURY NEWS SUITE and pine, if only ALL elections were like THIS.

We may have to add REVERED to the NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY.

Posted 9:46 PM by Gene

The SENIOR CLUNKER BROTHER hinted it might ditch a brand -- and now it says it won't.

This will happen when you drop product quality like a lead weight, then fight a frantic rear-guard action to promote it, then spend zillions of dollars on rebates to inflate your sales because people don't trust your quality, and zillions of dollars in CRAPPY TELEVISION to convince people no you're not putting out junky cars and you're not using rebates to promote the notion that you're building junky cars.

What's good for GM....

Posted 8:55 PM by Gene

Remember the syringe needles in the Pepsi-Cola cans?

Sales have dropped sharply at Wendy's fast food restaurants in the area of northern California where a woman claimed she found part of a finger in a bowl of chili, but analysts say....

God there's nothing NEWS HACKS like better than creating a PANIC!

Posted 7:32 PM by Gene

Hey "Jonathan Pollard [wasn't he a SPY?], Bernie Kukoff, CHEAP CHANNEL ENTERTAINMENT, Harbor Entertainment, ESPNCorp Arthouse Films, Bob and Harvey WHINER, Stanley Buchthal, Eric Falkenstein, Nina Essman/Nancy Nagel Gibbs, Jean Cheever and Margaret Cotter, in association with Barney Rosenzweig, Meri Krassner, FGRW Investments, and Karen Jason and Phil Ciasullo Conard"! I have two BRILLIANT ideas for "Broadway musicals"! The first is CAN'T STOP THE MUSIC: THE VILLAGE PEOPLE MUSICAL! What could be a better idea than a live remake of a film musical many agree is one of the worst of all time -- but hey, you can play it up as CAMP, and then there's the -- GAY angle, and you could have a chorus line of SAILORS, and with everybody clapping their hands above their heads this is a SURE-FIRE SMASH! I say GO FOR IT! YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY-M-C-A!

The second is BAND ON THE RUN: THE PAUL McCARTNEY AND WINGS MUSICAL! As those who've been in a supermarket lately know the poet laureate of rock wrote more KEE-YUTE songs in the mid-seventies than just about anyone, all with irritating hooks and self-parodying effects that have made them a favorite of retailers who LOVE to SMIRK. Combine that with a "storyline" out of THE MONTY PYTHON HIGH-SCHOOL REVUE -- maybe about all those people "knockin' at the doh-oh," can't you hear the LAUGHS when MARTIN LUTHER comes in STONED? -- and you have another SMASH, a SMASH that'll leave 'em SINGING ALONG when they're not ROLLING IN THE AISLES!

And if THOSE don't work out -- well, why not a musical based on PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE?

Think we can meet sometime?

(Sorry Jerry and Ockie, sorry Dick and Larry, didn't mean to make you roll over in your graves.)

Posted 5:04 PM by Gene

Let's see the HACKS run on about THESE executions.

SNAIL-CRAWL is more like it.

Posted 4:54 PM by Gene

This nation of fewer than 300,000 people is a staunch U.S. ally, but there is a strong undercurrent of public anger at the government's support for the U.S.-led Iraq war, which was opposed by four fifths of Icelanders.

TRANSLATION: BAD EQUALS GOOD!

Posted 4:38 PM by Gene

I know LILEKS is capable of good stuff, very good stuff, so why does his site increasingly resemble The Family Circus?

Daddy needs a vacation.

Posted 4:29 PM by Gene

SHUCKS, a NOBLE serviceman who NOBLY refused to fight in the UNJUST WAR in IRAQ has IGNOBLY been denied asylum in CANADA.

But -- there's a "GROWING TRICKLE" of such NOBLE servicemen, which, in good course, could become an even...GREATER trickle!

Hey LENNY! Why wasn't this on A-1?

Posted 3:08 PM by Gene

The teen who shot five fellow students to death at his high school had watched a movie about a school shooting with friends earlier this month -- skipping ahead to some of the most violent scenes, a friend said on Friday.

Richard COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISS!!!!!

Grant said he himself was taking 20 milligrams a day of Zoloft, another antidepressant, and the boys talked in detail about their medication. He said Weise told him he was taking 40 milligrams a day of Prozac: 20 in the morning, 20 at night.

"Everybody changes when they start taking antidepressants," Grant said. "He was a lot more quiet. I wouldn't say any better."

LAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWYERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRS!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 2:43 PM by Gene

Racially Charged Incidents Rattle L.A.

Ooooooooooh, does that mean we HACKS can start a RIOT now?

Law enforcement authorities say it's unfair to characterize the region of more than 3 million people in Riverside and San Bernardino counties as a racist bastion. But....

BIAS? WHAT BIAS?

Posted 1:29 PM by Gene

SERRPRYZE:

NEW YORK (AP) -- City officials recalled preparation material for math tests that had been sent to teachers after discovering they were filled with math and spelling mistakes.

Posted 1:19 PM by Gene

Forbes invents an INSTANT CLICHE: that show-biz is being taken over by SUITS. What's been running it these last fifty years? SUITS were the reason we went from THE GREATEST MOVIES OF ALL TIME in the SEVENTIES to DRECK. (So the moron PETER BISKIND says.) Truth is entertainment has always been run by chameleons; just the outer skin has changed.

Posted 1:03 PM by Gene

The staff announcer, like the elevator operator, is a relic. Technology made both obsolete, but with the staff announcer accreted those sinister notions held only of BROADCASTERS: that BROADCASTERS, for all their excessive exposure, must be ANONYMOUS, and further (and here they were aided by the proud members of THE AMERICAN SOCIETY of WILFULLY IGNORANT ADVERTISERS) they must all sound alike -- no accents, no quirks, nothing. THIS is the TRIUMPH of CHEAP CHANNEL, of 10,000 radio stations and 2,000 TV stations sounding EXACTLY alike. Here is a small but significant reason we hold BROADCASTERS on a level below CREMATORIUM OWNERS.

Little Jeffrey reading this would say, "Good! One less expense."

Posted 10:10 AM by Gene

"In the '50s and '60s, everybody went to the movies," says Chabot, adding that with all the competition from other entertainment sources, including ever more sophisticated home theaters, people are getting out of the moviegoing habit. "We need to do more to develop the habitual moviegoer," he says.

"I worry about all the digital delivery," says Ms. Moore. Once movies can be delivered directly into the home, she adds, all the cheap popcorn and clean floors in the world won't matter. "How long is it before they just won't need us at all?"

I'd say that'll happen thirty years ago.

Posted 10:03 AM by Gene

Neither the pot seller nor the tantrum thrower were enough.

You think there's a moral here? IN VITALEDOM? Never.

Posted 9:35 AM by Gene

AIG to Remove Greenberg Should He Plead the Fifth

By that standard no CEO would be safe.

Posted 9:29 AM by Gene

I was about to post, "IT AIN'T NOTHIN' BUT A HOUUUUUUUUUND DOG!", but it occured to me this one will probably be crawling with curious FLEAS.

Posted 9:27 AM by Gene

This story has been around for several days and now we're using it against the military?

OR:

"Tora Bora was teeming with Taliban and Qaeda operatives ... but Mr. bin Laden was never within our grasp," wrote Franks, who retired in 2003 and backed Bush in the election.

BIAS? WHAT BIAS?

Posted 8:28 PM by Gene

We're all for second chances, but after many years reading SPORTS HACKS we've come to know their second chance means

$.

OR:

At Texas A&M, he noticed white squares of paper in the student section.

"At first I thought they said something like, 'Beat Oklahoma State,'" Curry said. "It was a picture of me, like 'Wanted by the Oklahoma Police Department.'"

We can forgive, but we must realize some other may not be able to forgive, especially with athlete-students selling POT, and we must further realize this IS VITALEDOM, where the only thing that matters is

$.

Posted 8:07 PM by Gene

THE REUT DOES IT AGAIN: it's PROUD of a GRAFFITI...ARTISTE who smuggled "ART" into four museums -- and it took months for the nose-in-the-airs to notice. Of course one reason THE REUT's so PROUD of this stunt is the "ART." The PC politics aside (that didn't have anything to do with our reporting this, RIGHT REUT? NOOOOOOOOO.), we may liken this to Daffy Duck drawing moustaches on posters -- and he did it better.

Posted 5:07 PM by Gene

GEEKS:

Uber-Review writes "If you ever aspired to be the next Jerry Seinfeld instead of the next American Idol. Maybe the product featured by Wired is just right for you. Joke-e-oke, basically a karaoke with stand-up comedy material. Joke-e-oke is a laptop rigged to a video projector allows you to choose from a list of stand-up comedy icons to perform. A built in laugh track is added, timed perfectly to accent punch lines. Obstacles are programmed in so participants onstage get a taste of what real comedians go through by firing off heckle lines for the bar crowd to yell in unison at the Joke-e-oke participant."

GET A LIFE!!!!!

Posted 4:51 PM by Gene

The rotten-egg smell from the refineries, the chemical haze, the constant hiss that sounds like an idling jet plane, the explosions and fires -- they are part of life in Texas City.

You make Philadelphia sound good.

Posted 4:23 PM by Gene

THE CORE TENET OF RENDELLISM: Have WHOLE central neighborhoods dominated by YOUNG UPSCALE PROFESSIONALS, and to HELL WITH THE KIDS.

And to hell with the GHETTOES too, another tenet of RENDELLISM.

Posted 1:36 PM by Gene

"Random violence, a suicidal mass-murderer, and people who blame the media afterwards. Yep. must be the 21st Century. God bless America."

I will not link the PSYCHO to Richard "GUNS CAUSED COLUMBINE" Corliss or THE GLIBERAL, yet judging from this writhing-in-Hell shootist's remarks the resemblances of thought are not entirely coincidental.

Posted 1:28 PM by Gene

It is, to say the least, ASTOUNDING that TOENAIL.com would stick up for the rights of the allegedly vegetative, but we'll take these small moral victories where we can -- at least until ST. WARREN'S DWEEBS write another of their MASTERPIECES in IRONY.

Posted 1:22 PM by Gene

YAAAAAAAAAY!! The con-SER-va-tive's favorite tyrant gets his IMMUNITY back!

Posted 12:22 PM by Gene

A CERTAIN CLASSIC:

A charismatic stranger brings music into a drab town and people's lives are changed forever in a Broadway musical that might have been called The Music Man had that title not already been taken and if the songs weren't ones made famous by Elvis Presley.

Posted 12:19 PM by Gene

AS BARRY BONDS LIMPS AWAY, TEAM ADS HAIL HIS RETURN

Another testimony to the POWER of ADVERTISING.

Posted 12:05 PM by Gene

Poll: Evangelicals Oppose Gov't on Schiavo

Schiavo Case Highlights Catholic-Evangelical Alliance

Who says NEWS HACKS can't have it both ways?

Posted 10:41 AM by Gene

A juxtaposition from IWantMedia.com:

Millions Keep Downloading Free Music

Radio Giant Attuned to Web for Ads Boost

Is there a DISCONNECT here?

Posted 10:37 AM by Gene

EDDIE DOES IT AGAIN!

PA Governor Rendell Announces Funding to Rejuvenate Philadelphia Neighborhoods

If his talk were money our city would be paved with gold -- and then we wouldn't need GAMING.

Posted 10:32 AM by Gene

WHO'S DAN RATHER?

SHUT UP, POWERPOPUP!!!!!

Posted 10:25 AM by Gene

Let's see how long it takes before the Grand Street Person of Chess complains about the WEATHER.

OR:

"THE UNITED STATES IS AN ILLEGITIMATE COUNTRY ... JUST LIKE THE BANDIT STATE OF ISRAEL - THE JEWS HAVE NO RIGHT TO BE THERE, IT BELONGS TO THE PALESTINIANS!!!!!" said Fischer, whose mother was Jewish. "THAT COUNTRY, THE UNITED STATES, BELONGS TO THE RED MAN, THE AMERICAN INDIAN....IT'S ACTUALLY A SHAME TO BE A SO-CALLED AMERICAN BECAUSE EVERYBODY LIVING THERE IS ... AN INVADER!!!!!"

We'll cut the Grand Street Person of Chess a break; he should know something about invaders -- being a space alien.

But we won't cut the ICELANDERS a break; their IQs may not be much higher than the temperature.

Posted 10:15 AM by Gene

The WAPOST grasps at the TRUTH:

Shooter Described As Deeply Disturbed

This looks like a hed for Woodstein!

Posted 5:36 PM by Gene

JOHN EDWARDS is podcasting.

Are we all as excited as YOU, Professor?

Posted 5:33 PM by Gene

Today the Sun-Times says the weather in the Windy City is 39 degrees and "UNENDING."

Who writes these squibs? Someone from the TRIB?

Posted 5:30 PM by Gene

Whether a person is conscious or not may seem like a simple question, but neurologists say that determining a person's level of awareness can be a complex diagnosis based on signs that aren't always apparent to untrained eyes.

It can even be a complicated call for trained eyes.

That's why we have JUDGES.

Posted 5:19 PM by Gene

MR. MARK finds a JESUIT "bioethicist," proving once again there's NO GOD LIKE AN EDITOR-IN-CHIEF.

Posted 5:17 PM by Gene

It's a little hard to speak of VINDICATION, Lord Kofi, when your SON's involved.

Posted 5:10 PM by Gene

NEXT UP on the news hacks' agenda to create an environmental crisis: SOOT.

Somehow though it doesn't sound as sexy as carbon dioxide.

Posted 5:06 PM by Gene

Hey Mick, you expect SHAME from a company that's given us the second coming of TRICKY DICK, HARVEY WHINER, LORD KOPPEL OF EISNER, THE V-MAN (AWE$OME, BABY!!!!!!!!!) and PEE-TAH?

Posted 3:19 PM by Gene

OOOOOoooooh, now the SCOTTISH franchise of the British Vicarage and Tea-Time Club declares it doesn't just serve its brew -- STRAIGHT!

Before long we'll have 500 Tea-Time Clubs!

Posted 12:25 PM by Gene

The state official who offered a job to a man convicted in absentia in the murder of an American wildlife researcher in Africa has resigned.

Does the man who got the job file a lawsuit?

Posted 12:20 PM by Gene

Oh dear oh dear, we've been killing too many Iraqi insurgents. What shall we do?

Whine and pout and look for a few anonymous sources who'll insist we've got fresh QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 8:57 AM by Gene

MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL AND GM SIGN SPONSORSHIP DEAL

TRANSLATION: They're buying those annoying SELIG SIGNS behind home plate -- AND they get LUXURY BOXES ON STERRRRRRRRRRR...!

Posted 8:34 AM by Gene

In a nod to the first-person form of journalism he popularized, Hunter S. Thompson's will calls for all his property to flow into "The Gonzo Trust" to be managed by three people the writer knew for years....

Trustees are attorneys Hal Haddon of Denver and George Tobia of Boston, and historian Douglas Brinkley of New Orleans.

Shucks, it isn't Uncle Duke and two drug dealers.

Posted 8:30 AM by Gene

STERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRNO:

"I'm a fan of zombie films, have been for years, as well as fan of horror movies in general. I like to write horror stories, read about Nazi Germany and history, and someday plan on moving out of the US."

The kid also liked metal. There's plenty of the MOLTEN stuff where HE is.

Posted 8:16 AM by Gene

More courage from The Cute Little Pink Paper:

As of March 15, Harvard’s Faculty of Arts and Sciences officially lacked confidence in president Lawrence H. Summers. Fortunately or unfortunately for Mr. Summers, the president has ample private reserves.

You'd think a cute little pink paper that put Mademoiselle Sex-on-the-Brain in the spotlight and curse words on its front page would stand for more then "fortunately or unfortunately."

Posted 7:02 AM by Gene

In other personnel news in the Mafia that is show-biz:

TV Chief at Fox Going to Paramount

No slighting anyone, but as THE MASTER would say, she won't find any difference in the climate.

Posted 6:55 AM by Gene

The once-future governor of South Dakota engages in the kind of kinky behavior that would only get him promotions and raises at his former employer VIACON and should serve him well at his present one GOODTHINGS ENTERTAINMENT.

Of course GOODTHINGS ENTERTAINMENT doesn't talk on personnel matters, not when we may give a big raise to somebody who'd be fired anywhere else in LITTLE JEFFREY'S KINGDOM, and especially a self-admitted ALCOHOLIC.

Posted 6:53 AM by Gene

Liberalism, American-style, is dying on the vine.

We may point out that the Roman Empire lasted for a good many decades longer than the rot should have permitted it. We may also point out that cockroaches have survived for millions of years despite no useful purpose.

Posted 7:38 PM by Gene

A FREEPER COGITATES:

Always look for the union label...then buy something without it.

Unfortunately, ANOTHER FREEPER COGITATED:

You prefer "MADE IN CHINA"?

Posted 7:34 PM by Gene

A terror suspect held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, was a commander for Osama bin Laden during the Soviet occupation of Afghanistan in the 1980s and helped the al-Qaida leader escape his mountain hide-out at Tora Bora in 2001, according to a U.S. government document.

Hmmmmmmmm, maybe we aren't holding just low-level drones in GITMO after all.

Posted 7:17 PM by Gene

And in other news of book bur -- PUBLISHING excellence, another Mary -- Matalin -- will "run" a VIACON (for now) imprint, meaning at the moment SUMNER may be more conservative than RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 7:16 PM by Gene

MARY MAPES TELLS ALL!

Or 1. As much as her lawyers allow her to, OR 2. Mary WHO?

Posted 5:31 PM by Gene

Judge in Schiavo Case a Clinton Appointee

Is this the truth or a thumbs-up?

Posted 5:25 PM by Gene

BLOGGERS OF THE MILLENNIUM! YOU GET YOR WISH!! STRIB HIRES A CONSERVATIVE!!!

Posted 5:12 PM by Gene

HERR DOKTOR SONDHEIM'S SEVENTY-FIFTH, another of those artificial stories made to sell things, is not a cause of celebration, but one of contemplation, and scorn, as we see the vast empty hole where a lively musical theater was, and as the DOKTOR, with his obsessions and pretensions, helped to excavate it. We forget that this genius was a pupil of Oscar Hammerstein II, and he carried Hammerstein's earnestness to its logical bitter end, and where Hammerstein spoke to all people for all time with songs like "Ol' Man River," the DOKTOR's musicals, with their cutesy artsy angles ("A musical about POINTILLISM?!?", as David Denby quoted a theatergoer in one of his few lucid moments) and death-fixation, predictably became cult favorites for a trendy and marginal elite. It is no wonder John Simon (who must take a little responsibility himself as a fan of HERR DOKTOR) mourned as he did after watching THE HIGH-SCHOOL REVUE. Is a culture without a musical theater a culture worth defending?

Posted 4:53 PM by Gene

Any relation of Yours, LORD GOD PINCH?

Posted 4:49 PM by Gene

This should warm the cockles of the hearts of all those who think these things solely random, the mischievous work of a bad fairy: our shootist wore a bulletproof vest. Methinks we've gone beyond the depraved-on-accounta-they're-deprived angle with this one.

And a police holster. Psycho doesn't do this new-minted resident of Hell justice.

P. S. I had to check in on STERNO to see if he's had something to say on this story -- an act I try doing as seldom as possible now, as his blog has become an unsavory stew of self-righteousness and table-pounding. Fortunately he hasn't. We all know what he would synergize if he could.

Posted 1:36 PM by Gene

DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH:

LISBON, Conn. (AP) -- A state trooper was suspended for 15 days without pay after he was recorded on a 911 tape saying "too bad" to a caller seeking help for a man injured in a motorcycle accident.

Posted 1:31 PM by Gene

Sacre bleu! The French have to WORK for a living?

Posted 1:30 PM by Gene

A lot of good that sign did.

Posted 1:17 PM by Gene

This has to be one of the dumbest corporate logos there is. Can you imagine anything less environmentally friendly than a gasoline company? Or ExxonMobilChevronTexaco using a flower symbol? But one guesses its prime purpose is not to serve as a corporate logo but to communicate a PC ethos, like most good businesses. I happened to ponder this today from my local MICKEY D'S, another PC paragon.

Posted 11:03 AM by Gene

Chaney to return next season

AWE$OME, BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 10:59 AM by Gene

Even if we STERNO this as not a "root cause," Hitler is still capable of death and destruction sixty years after the bunker.

Posted 10:31 AM by Gene

Black Coaches in N.B.A. Have Shorter Tenures

PINCH! This may be your GREATEST J'ACCUSE since -- AUGUSTA!

Posted 9:21 AM by Gene

Note to media, showbiz: The status quo is history

That's okay; they'll just come up with a new status quo.

Posted 9:11 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: The LORD GOD PINCH goes WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!

Posted 9:01 AM by Gene

The farce resumes in the FEDERAL courts.

Didn't the CONGRESSPOOPS realize Federal judges know everything too?

Posted 8:46 AM by Gene

OOOOOoooooh, the BIG BOPPIN' BICEP'S APPROVAL RATING'S DOWN.

Since when is he running for office?

Posted 8:37 AM by Gene

RENDELLISM No. 1: GAMING LOSERS ARE SISSIES.

RENDELLISM No. 2: This is just another attempt to start another money-hogging bureaucrat-employing program.

As to RENDELLISM No. 1, only the HOUSE WINS; and as to RENDELLISM No. 2, the whole point of GAMING as a PANACEA was to FINANCE GOVERNMENT PROGRAMS.

Posted 8:31 AM by Gene

I'm leaving that "TEST" up for a post dated last night (I posted it today) to reconstruct YET AGAIN one of three posts that vanished thanks to CLEM'S HAM-FISTEDNESS. The best I can do is reconstruct the post as I wrote it, and I'm not even sure it ever did post. I will be doubly wary with CLEM from now on -- and shortly I will switch to another blogging provider.

Posted 6:52 AM by Gene

Why WOODSTER the PERV is knock-down-drag-out-man-the-lifeboats-and-call-the-plumber FUN-NY:

The closest the film gets to making [a joke] is when Hobie is moved by his luck in going home with the nymphomaniac to direct his eyes heavenwards and mutter: "I'll never vote against school prayer again." Though nearer the mark than most of the film's attempts at humor, even this is slightly off target. No one will ever again vote against school prayer -- or for it either -- since no one is given the chance to vote on what some judge has decided is unconstitutional.

If this incompetent gag made it here, and how many likewise incompetent gags have made into the MASTER's other works of art? As THE HIGH-SCHOOL REVUE proves, comedy is NOT funny.

This will be the last I mention the WOODSTER for three months, when his next movie comes out.

Posted 6:34 AM by Gene

I'd have commented on TWXSTER RAG's cover synergism about TV, but have not because of that damfool value-creating notion of putting the cover story off limits to the public, but I suspect for once the TWXSTERS have outdone MR. MARK in zeitgeisting foolishness; after all, any company that can stamp out assembly lines worth of goose-stepping organization men who bleat GUNS CAUSE COLUMBINES is sure to suggest that the public relax and enjoy their rape by TV PRODUCERS.

Posted 6:28 AM by Gene

CLEM (that's KADIDDLEBLOG for the uninitiated) is fast -- and you don't have to open two windows to post! WOW!!!!!

We will still not forget the posts you've torn up, CLEM, nor the long delays, nor not being able to post for hours the day after Election Day -- and we know from impatient experience you'll be back to your old FREDDIE THE FREELOADER ways soon enough. Although never in history was any freeloader worth YOUR zillions.

Posted 6:27 AM by Gene

Well, this must count for something; Dubya's gotten the Europeans not to sell arms to China despite their own fervent, democratic desires.

We should never, however, mistake anything the Europeans do for principle.

Posted 6:25 AM by Gene

McCain Trumpets Bush Social Security Plan

What did they pay him?

Posted 6:22 AM by Gene

Lord Kofi will reform the League of Nations by expanding the Security Council.

MORE speechmaking!

Posted 6:52 PM by Gene

If this press release were music it would be "The Stars and Stripes Forever," though the words would be "It's a Sin to Tell a Lie."

ANOTHER CO-NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD -- to SCOTT!!!!!

[Reconstructed from a post deleted unilaterally by KADIDDLEBLOG.]

Posted 6:42 PM by Gene

ALL RIGHT, STERNO, GUNS CAUSE...oh NEVER MIND.

[This is a reconstruction of another post deleted unilaterally by KADIDDLEBLOG. While it may be vanity to repost something like this, I did post it last night when this story broke, and I want the record to show that.]

P. S. CLEM HID MY ORIGINAL POST. HERE it is -- and here's the proof I posted it when I said I did.

Posted 6:25 PM by Gene

Speaking of broke, Blogshares and PubSub's LinkRanks aren't working.

Why bother with them? We all know who wins.

[Reconstructed from a post deleted unilaterally by KADIDDLEBLOG.]

Posted 6:12 PM by Gene

I needed comic relief after that, and I found it -- MSN's BRANDING.

Haven't you scalded enough folks, BUGMEISTER?

Posted 6:10 PM by Gene

This is a wrenching story, but at least from tears will come justice.

Posted 6:01 PM by Gene

In all the photos I ever saw of Bobby Short he was smiling. Can you imagine a [C]RAPPER smiling? Can you imagine a [C]RAPPER as a gentleman? If the comparison of this superb cabaret man and [C]RAP doesn't show how the floor has collapsed from under pop music I don't know what does.

Posted 5:35 PM by Gene

"I think one question out there is where is the sense of outrage? How does it get kindled or rekindled? One quick example-there are 550 people being held at Guantanamo Bay, 50 are in maximum security, 500 are not in maximum security. The government has said that none of them has intelligence value. There are two processes to determine their standing. We filed a FOIA Request. We've gotten nowhere. We've covered this, and our stories virtually have gotten no play. This is an important issue....What do we do to get people's attention?"

I'm disturbed by Dubya's secrecy obsession too -- but here's the problem, CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!): You once loudly belched that the news biz is run by CONSERVATIVES. What's more, CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!), two of your biz' great CRUSADES against government secrecy -- the Pentagon Papers and Woodstein's Watergate probe -- were politically LIBERAL. We know instinctively when you take on our government's secrecy you'll weight it down with that HEAVY IDEOLOGICAL BAGGAGE. So we can't trust you to go after government secrecy because it's bad, we can only assume you go after it because it's CONSERVATIVE. THAT'S the pretty pickle your lockstep ideological conformity has put us in, STOOGE.

P. S. I would have linked to my own post but I've discovered KADIDDLEBLOG'S PERFORMED ANOTHER IMPROVEMENT TO ITS SERVICE -- YOU CAN'T ACCESS OLD POSTS ON "EDIT POSTS."

Posted 5:33 PM by Gene

Coke to launch new no-calorie soda

Sure we should call it "Zero" after what happened with New Coke?

Posted 5:29 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: KADIDDLEBLOG'S STILL BROKE, AND THAT'S OUR LAST UPDATE FOR THREE WEEKS.

AND THANK YOU FOR LOSING TWO MORE OF MY POSTS.

Posted 5:27 PM by Gene

Iceland grants citizenship to Bobby Fisher [SIC]

I guess there was nothing better to do on those long winter nights.

SIEG HEIL BOBBY!!

Posted 11:33 AM by Gene

Excellent news: a think tank says we have 10.3 million illegals.

Whatever happened to NAFTA? Whatever happened to border patrols?

Posted 9:09 AM by Gene

I do not expect good lines of anyone who ever worked for our KNIGHTRIDDERDOM (or rather KNIGHTRIDDERDUMB) the InkyDinkyDooDoo -- I don't expect good lines of ANYONE who works for KNIGHTRIDDER, period -- but New York's ad-blurb copywriter has -- accidentally, no doubt -- come up with one for our favorite cinema artiste, WOODSTER the PERV:

[C]huckle at Radio Days and he’ll slap you upside the head with the dead fish of September.

But then what did I say the other day about mackerel?

Posted 8:30 AM by Gene

POINTED OBSERVATION OF THE DAY, from JOHN SIMON:

Now, if ever, is time to conclude with a lament for the current state of the Broadway musical. Where once there was true originality that takes chances, now we have nothing but previously tested stuff, as if success in another, earlier form, guaranteed safe transport. There are to my knowledge highly promising musicals by old, expert hands languishing in drawers, because the new, corporate producers will only sponsor supposedly surefire, farcical, or sentimental recyclings. Unfortunately, what may or may not be financially safe is artistically almost always a surefire disaster.

Posted 8:26 AM by Gene

We are not inclined to cut REV. AL too much slack, seeing how shakedowns and ACTIVISTS go together like a horse and carriage, but we will cut him some, until his ego gets the better of him.

Posted 8:23 AM by Gene

What is 1 plus 1?

I'm Sorry, No Results Were Found.

-----------------------------------------

A business of corruption without precedent the lawsuit of the public markets of Island-of-France opens today in Paris. 47 prevented will have to be explained on the drifts on a large scale of the financing of the political formations - of right-hand side like left in the Nineties...

-----------------------------------------

With Barry buying the worthless Ask.com for $2 billion and G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000gle worth $50 billion, I don't think the dot.com boom has died out yet.

Posted 6:41 AM by Gene

With the SENIOR CLUNKER BROTHER's shares in the tank and people wondering whether it can ever make money on cars, count on USAOKAY!!!!! to come to the rescue with a CO-NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD WINNER proclaiming CADILLAC'S -- COOL!!!!!!!!!!

What's good for GanNETt -- er, GENERAL MOTORS is good for...what?

Posted 6:35 AM by Gene

It is dreadful that the government tied itself into knots over one person, but it's dreadful that so many KNEE-JERKS think human life is DISPOSABLE.

Posted 6:29 AM by Gene

Barry Diller, who in years gone by was seen walking on water by show-biz flacks and sales -- ANALYSTS, is about to buy the useless Ask Jeeves search engine for $2 billion.

And if he makes money off this then he'll really -- be mortal.

Posted 4:15 PM by Gene

More of what we little guys are up against, from the SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGER for the Little Guy:

What MSM can learn from Mary.

Over at the sites of MarkDRoberts and Al Mohler, a series of posts on Mary, Mother of God, is providing the unlikely material for yet another lesson for MSM on how the rules of reporting have changed.

Roberts and Mohler are both accomplished theologians, authors, pastors, and teachers. (Both are also friends.) A series of posts on the Protestant view of Mary and whether that view is evolving towards the Catholic treatment of Mary might not be on every reader's "must see" list, but these essays should be.

First, Mohler is generally complimentary on Time's effort, writing that "[t]he TIME cover story is a prime example of a serious theological issue treated with respect and fairness." And Mohler is correct as to the tone of the Time piece, and is eager to move quickly to argue the status of Mary with his colleagues in the theological academy. Roberts is also headed into that fray, but he first did some sleuthing on some of the evidence presented by the author, David Van Biema, on the central assertion of the article, and the result isn't complimentary to Van Biema or his editors.

In his post, "A Pro-Marian Tipping Point? Evaluating the Evidence," Roberts looks at the central piece of evidence that Van Biema uses to suggest that the "Catholic-style" move towards Mary on the part of Protestants is indeed entering the mainstream of Protestant denominations: a sermon from a big name pastor, John Buchanan, of Chicago's Fourth Presbyterian Church.

Read the Roberts' post for yourself, but I think you wil conclude that if Van Biema's article was a college course paper, he could end up flunking, with the paper returned with the scrawled comments: "Nicely written, but the evidence does not support your thesis. In fact, you stretched so far it can only be said that you distorted the truth to get to your preconceived conclusion."

Here's the key finding made by Roberts: "Does Buchanan's place for Mary confirm Van Biema's thesis of a Protestant 'pro-Marian tipping point' that will impact Protestant liturgy, piety, and even the 'actual messages of the Reformation'? I've read Buchanan's sermon twice, and I just don't see it. Not at all."

Van Biema's manipulation of his evidence is not a Jayson Blair offense, but it is still very troubling. A lawyer who wrongfully used case law in this fashion to press a point of argument in a brief would be violating a core principle of legal ethics. Perhaps journalists don't mind having lower standards than lawyers, but I haven't seen any of them admit to that.

Time never used to have to concern itself with the possibility that its cover stories could be stripped down to their central assertions and fact checked and discredited on the treatment of their evidence even before the issue left the racks. At most some letters would appear a few weeks later, carefully laid out among the complimentary missives, and the band played on.

Now, whether the subject is Mary or mechanical engineering, writers have to work with the certain knowledge that far more expert voices than theirs will be heard and, crucially, that their every assertion will be double-checked with the speed and thoroughness that the blogosphere allows.

Hugh, what in Hades are you writing about? I've gone up and down and left and right through your post and I can't make it out. It sounds like some minor debating point in religious doctrine -- and if so, why devote so many words to it? All right, maybe it isn't so minor; you boast as is the SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS' wont to have moved a book on Amazon.com. Does that mean anything? Here's what always gets me: most of my posts are one or two sentences. Who pays me attention? But SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS like YOU can engage in belching contests for HOURS, and NOBODY MINDS. In fact it's part of your infernal SEX APPEAL. As I've said before, life isn't forever; DON'T WASTE OURS WITH DENSE ZILLION-WORD POSTS.

P. S. All right SUPE, I clicked on the link and learned what your fuss is about -- the Virgin Mary is increasingly popular with Protestants. Why is this so consequential? Why did you and so many other bloggers unleash millions of words on something ultimately less than earth-shattering?

Posted 3:10 PM by Gene

In November 2001, a Qatari was killed after he fired a Kalashnikov at the U.S. base.

"Everyone called him a martyr," al-Nauimi said. "They said he will go to heaven. But this guy who died in front of the school, he will go to hell."

I guess it depends on where you commit your martyrdom.

Posted 1:26 PM by Gene

One of these things is just like the other....

Protesters Hit The Streets

Pot Clinics Grow Like Weed

(From SFGATE.COM, where else?)

Posted 1:17 PM by Gene

Sumner decides He's NOT immortal.

Will You make up Your mind?

Posted 12:59 PM by Gene

"Show me all this money that I'm supposedly making."

TRANSLATION: Show me the money!

Posted 9:58 AM by Gene

It took far too long — more than four years — but the end of an era finally arrived last week. The reign of the imperial executive is officially over. R.I.P., celebrity CEO.

Odd coming from you, Terry -- you prostrated yourself before the expensive shoes of LOLLIPOP LOU DOBBS, who celebritized one CEO after another. His favorite was UNCLE BERNIE SCHWARTZ, the man who gave our missile store away to the Chinese, but there were others. I still cringe at how he had STEVE 'N' GERRY in his studio after THE MERGER and gassed reverently about SYNERGY. We know he liked MR. MEAN BUSINESS -- he had him on repeatedly to boast on how teasing little kids helped the bottom line. Mustn't forget LEGENDARY WELCH, who no doubt appeared quite a few times to gloat over his own IMMORTALITY. And how many times did he ask credulous softballs of MICKEYMOUSE NIXON? Hank Greenberg, Ken Lay, Bernie Ebbers -- he called them ALL by their first names. A LOT of good that did. But then you CAN judge a man by the COMPANIES he keeps. Shut up, Terry. You helped make the CELEBRITY CEO TOO.

Posted 9:56 AM by Gene

Unless we're careful, we're going to wear out the word "hero."

Sorry, that word was worn out looooooooooooong ago.

Posted 9:06 AM by Gene

Today's KNIGHTRIDDER PHILLY BROADSHEET MONOPOLY pulls a double-whammy on its readers. First is a front-page story bemoaning the city's awful homicide rate in ghetto neighborhoods. (Complete with ZOOMIFYING interactive map!!!!!) And that's all it does. One suspects that for weeks the cloistered suburban-dwelling IDIOTS on the Editorial Board debated whether to endorse solutions and decided against it because it might mean an increase in -- POLICE BRUTALITY. God knows NEWS HACKS have made enough righteous bad suggestions on how to improve things, but an article that whines and kvetches without advancing solutions doesn't have the dignity of being useless; it's cynical, and worse, it posits that some problems are TOO POLITICALLY CORRECT TO BE SOLVED. If KNIGHTRIDDER'S DIMWITS think they're going to restart their string of P-Ulitzers from decades gone by with this cowardly exercise in moral evasion they have another think coming. Worse, in their helpless flapping of arms KNIGHTRIDDER'S IDIOTS seem to have commissioned a COLUMNIST to endorse GUN CONTROL, which all but confirms the EDITORIAL BOARD DID debate this and DIDN'T WANT TO DO ANYTHING -- and wanted to make it appear that they DID. This ranks among THE MOST SHAMELESS BUNCOMBE IN THIS ROLL OF CHARMIN SINCE THE AMBASSADOR RIGGED AN ELECTION AGAINST MILTON J. SHAPP.

Second is a NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD WINNER -- an "A&E" piece by the paper's TV ad-blurb copywriter named Storm which shows conclusively that most articles (the P-Ulitzer tryouts excepted) pass from terminal to printed page without editing save for spellchecks. The guy brrrrrrrrapps in so many words that TV DRAMA IS BETTER THAN EVER!!!!! (Of course he doesn't have the guts to say THAT, but he says it.) If Harold Ross in a bad mood had met this piece of typing it would have self-incinerated on his desk. "Storm," he would have barked, "if TV's so great why aren't people watching?" The numbers he's foolish enough to throw out ("15.1 million," "12.6 million," "12.4 million," "11.7 million," "10.3 million") are generally less than five percent of the population, suggesting those viewing this BETTER-THAN-EVER TV are basically a TiVo-mad clique much like our enlightened blurbists. (This blurbist spends all day programming HIS. "Button, button, which button? So much BRILLIANCE!! MY HEAD'S GONNA EXPLODE!!!") He further dynamites his column with this Bartlettian masterwork of words: "[I]f TV history is a guide, the joy won't last forever. Like the stock market, prime time is a cyclical beast, and today's darling eventually becomes tomorrow's dog." HEY BOZO! You don't SUPPOSE that would include the IMMORTAL DARLINGS OF ENTERTAINMENT you've just spent A THOUSAND WORDS PRAISING, do you? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Oddly enough, for all its meritorious selling, it isn't the lead in the A&E section (though it's teased on the print edition's front page); that goes to a piece of twaddle by an ad-blurb copywriter once bylined Steven X. Rea who writes about the Kurosawa of ANIME. This is the guy whose MASTERWORK got distributed by ESPNCORP here in the states to huge indifference, which the blurbists ascribed to a "lack of marketing." Of COURSE it DIDN'T have anything to do with the fact that WHEN YOU'VE SEEN ONE ANIME CHARACTER, YOU'VE SEEN THEM ALL.

I repeat, TODAY'S DAILY NEWSPAPER IS NOT WORTH BUYING.

[Reposted from yesterday with addenda and links.]

Posted 8:46 AM by Gene

Okay, BLUNDER RAG, fool me once, shame on you. FOOL ME TWICE....

Mr. Mark, we'll guess. A bunch of guys high on something wanted to impose a JUDGMENTAL philosophy on the world, and they wanted to start wars and make people hate one another. So they invented the story of the Virgin Birth to get folks to think there was something special and otherworldly about their philosophy, and they chose a gay ma -- I mean, they chose somebody they called JESUS, who went around and started preaching this philosophy and claimed supernatural powers to make himself (not Himself; we reserve that for true gods like ST. WARREN OF BUFFETT) even more credible. Then he (ditto) got himself (double ditto) CRUCIFIED, which made the bunch of guys REALLY nuts, so they invented the story of his (triple ditto) "RESURRECTION" so they could preserve their religion and spread it elsewhere and make lots of money. And we have all these lib -- THEOLOGIANS who have sheafs of papers from SEMINARIES and LIBRARIES that PROVE....

Why didn't you just put that HIGH-SCHOOL REVUE on the COVER? Limited appeal? It didn't do that well at the box office? You have your FINGER on the PULSE of AMERICA? Okay, Your Highness.

Whatever one thinks of Christianity...

The gospel of MR. MARK is MUCH more truthful. We just won an award from ADWEEK!