THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
Blogroll Me!
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Saturday, March 08, 2008
As the estate of Dr. Seuss prepares for another mammoth product placement and another huge increase in its worth, we thought we should excerpt from HSX.com's description of it:
The story builds on the theme that every person is important no matter how big or small.
Which is a fraud on the face of it because 1. In Hollywood little guys are aborted fetuses. 2. Guess-Who (and not HORTON) runs its distributor.
The story builds on the theme that every person is important no matter how big or small.
Which is a fraud on the face of it because 1. In Hollywood little guys are aborted fetuses. 2. Guess-Who (and not HORTON) runs its distributor.
George Clooney: Fabio Could 'Probably' Beat Me Up
The Conscience of the World vs. The Man with the Big Bazoom. NO COMMENT.
The Conscience of the World vs. The Man with the Big Bazoom. NO COMMENT.
Here's one reason why I despise EDDIE!!!!!: he's one of our leading makers of silk purses. And you know where silk purses can come from. He thinks doctors can replace welders. Let's see EDDIE!!!!! and the others who believe in the "knowledge-based economies" turn out as many doctors as China can turn out people to make lead-painted toys. That EDDIE!!!!! is so big on gamb -- GAMING shows he's hedging his bet; even he may sense in the back of his empty head that not that many people are smart enough to be doctors. Happily some people may be smart enough to be gamb -- GAMING-addiction counselors.
Obviously these two Paper of Re-CORD reporters haven't been to our state before.
Obviously these two Paper of Re-CORD reporters haven't been to our state before.
Friday, March 07, 2008
[O]wner Elliot Osher noted that President Bill Clinton had oral sex in the White House "and they didn't close the White House."
Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh, I believe it was a different kind of...house.
Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh, I believe it was a different kind of...house.
Another stupid idea from Ms. Travers:
Random veep rumor of the day: Carly Fiorina, former head of Hewlett-Packard, as McCain's #2?
She was on board early.
STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Random veep rumor of the day: Carly Fiorina, former head of Hewlett-Packard, as McCain's #2?
She was on board early.
STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Goody! The unemployment rate went down because the labor force went down!
I took a lot of unneeded homes to do that.
I took a lot of unneeded homes to do that.
And on a topic that does have the advantage of being newsworthy (and that LALA should therefore have resisted running) the pile of declining assets run by the JACK VALENTI OF MORTGAGES passed on two consultants' recomendations before choosing a third who was easier on his checkbook. Way to go, free enterprise!
A congressional hearing will focus the minds wonderfully.
A congressional hearing will focus the minds wonderfully.
You wouldn't suppose running stories like this and having buyouts like this would be connected, would you? Noooooooooooooooo. After all, as the late John Carroll wisely told us, it was THE DO-NOT-CALL LAW what DONE IT.
Subprime fallout hits college loans
Default rate soars on auto loans
I believe we have left the world of coincidence.
Default rate soars on auto loans
I believe we have left the world of coincidence.
Ron Paul hints he's quitting race
"Hint"? Nobody's hint-hinted something to him?
I've heard of tilting at windmills but this is ridiculous.
"Hint"? Nobody's hint-hinted something to him?
I've heard of tilting at windmills but this is ridiculous.
Thursday, March 06, 2008
The question is not whether user-generated content is dead, it's whether it was ever truly alive. The vast megatonnage of blogging and YouTube must inevitably implode into nothingness thanks to its randomness and idleness and lack of authority. It is no accident what few bloggers and video types achieved good fortune with these media had professional backgrounds. It would not hurt us for more to abandon their idiot typing and uploading pastimes, and let people who know what they're doing take over again, though it means the tyranny of hacks who couldn't think straight if the Lord God painted a bold white line before them.
Terrorist...or gunman...or MILITANT?
That it's one of ASSPRESS'S HACKS totally obliterates whatever minuscule moral standing it has regarding its long-forgotten POLITICAL PRI -- photographer.
Rice says peace negotiations will resume
SHUT UP, COLINETTE.
That it's one of ASSPRESS'S HACKS totally obliterates whatever minuscule moral standing it has regarding its long-forgotten POLITICAL PRI -- photographer.
Rice says peace negotiations will resume
SHUT UP, COLINETTE.
Pundits keep telling us the Web is good for shame. Well we all know who went long on subprimes and related idiot investments; they've been shamed good and loud in the court of public opinion. Now is the time, we suggest, for Web denizens to shame the let-'em-eat-cake superfinanciers who are long oil, wheat, corn and other commodities, whose luck is making us broke; these are the nine-, ten- and eleven-digit misanthropes whose great-great-grandchildren's great-great-grandchildren will never suffer, but who are turning America upside-down by the ankles with their psychotic speculation. Yep, great wealth is bringing the malefaction back.
Time for con-SER-va-tives to fume: the DEMOCRAT Congress is about to persecute these three geniuses for...MAKING MONEY!
If anyone should be persecuted for making money, it's these bozos.
Yes, it is possible we're talking our way into a recession. But it's also possible we talked our way into a bubble that helped lead to a recession. The hot air flows both ways.
Until today we had not even heard about how the co-founder of THE PEOPLE'S POP-CULTURE AND EVERYTHING-ELSE ENCYCLOPEDIA ditched his girlfriend on his site, and really, such stories shouldn't interest us at all, as we already know the Web can turn anyone into an instant jerk.
Nor should we link to anything from NICK DORKEN's MULTI-BILLION...DOLLAR (?!?!?) empire, for he would seem proof that one can be a Web jerk and avoid the consequences of it.
Nor should we link to anything from NICK DORKEN's MULTI-BILLION...DOLLAR (?!?!?) empire, for he would seem proof that one can be a Web jerk and avoid the consequences of it.
AP NEWS ALERT!!!!!
WASHINGTON (AP) -- The Labor Department says new applications filed for unemployment benefits fell sharply last week to 351,000.
DOW UP 1,000!!!!!
Oops -- the "highest since September, 2005"?
DOW DOWN 1,000!
Will you clowns make up your minds?
WASHINGTON (AP) -- The Labor Department says new applications filed for unemployment benefits fell sharply last week to 351,000.
DOW UP 1,000!!!!!
Oops -- the "highest since September, 2005"?
DOW DOWN 1,000!
Will you clowns make up your minds?
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
Unbiased, non-partisan, non-voting LENNY'S at it again:
McCain Trails Clinton, Obama in New Poll
GOP Candidate's AGE!!!!! a Factor for More Than a Quarter Surveyed [Overemphasis added]
Hey Lenny, why didn't you just hed this, "Iraq Quagmire-Supporting Geezer Trails Dems"?
McCain Trails Clinton, Obama in New Poll
GOP Candidate's AGE!!!!! a Factor for More Than a Quarter Surveyed [Overemphasis added]
Hey Lenny, why didn't you just hed this, "Iraq Quagmire-Supporting Geezer Trails Dems"?
PAUL DRECK INFILTRATES SLASHDOT:
RECORD BOX OFFICE INDICATES MPAA 'PIRACY PROBLEM' HOT AIR!!!!!!!!!! [Record Slashdot overemphasis added]
Hey Paul, saying RECORD BOX OFFICE!!!!!!!!!! on ZERO ATTENDANCE GROWTH is a pretty fair blast to roast a chicken too.
RECORD BOX OFFICE INDICATES MPAA 'PIRACY PROBLEM' HOT AIR!!!!!!!!!! [Record Slashdot overemphasis added]
Hey Paul, saying RECORD BOX OFFICE!!!!!!!!!! on ZERO ATTENDANCE GROWTH is a pretty fair blast to roast a chicken too.
PR NEWSWIRE PRESS RELEASE OF THE WEEK:
Former Guatemalan Government Official Convicted of U.S. Drug Charges
But isn't that what Central American officials aim for?
Former Guatemalan Government Official Convicted of U.S. Drug Charges
But isn't that what Central American officials aim for?
Somebody named Friedman -- and somebody named ROMY -- MUST ask this:
Why are so many black columnists endorsing Obama?
Why are so many black columnists endorsing Obama?
Don't tell us, let us guess -- Dubya's starting a new dance craze called the Non Sequitur!
And speaking of the BUG, if it's dubious stats, it's gotta be FORBESLIST:
Bill Gates drops to No. 3 on billionaire list
Not SUPERMAN anymore? Not to worry -- your bridge partner St. Warren IS!
Who in his right mind takes Forbeslist seriously?
Bill Gates drops to No. 3 on billionaire list
Not SUPERMAN anymore? Not to worry -- your bridge partner St. Warren IS!
Who in his right mind takes Forbeslist seriously?
Speaking of, the Paper of Re-CORD, having just sold us an exceptionally poignant and well-written account of ghetto life, now sells us something else:
As Yahoo flails around for an anything-but-Microsoft plan, here is a crazy, but maybe not too crazy, idea: Merge AOL, Myspace and Yahoo....
Obviously somebody's hankering for the golden age of dot-com, or $750 a share, or heck, $90 a share -- or maybe someone's saying, hey, if we can sell books like that we can sell ANYTHING.
As Yahoo flails around for an anything-but-Microsoft plan, here is a crazy, but maybe not too crazy, idea: Merge AOL, Myspace and Yahoo....
Obviously somebody's hankering for the golden age of dot-com, or $750 a share, or heck, $90 a share -- or maybe someone's saying, hey, if we can sell books like that we can sell ANYTHING.
Never trust a Web site in lavender and maroon: Today Microhoo! runs a home-page plug:
MTV bans Barkley video
MTV will not air Gnarls Barkley's video "Run," and it has nothing to do with sex or violence. » The reason
The (putative) reason: a strobe effect that can make people "sick". Having thus plugged a no-talent Microhoo! gets onto the true business at hand: displaying a pop-up window that reads:
The page at http://music.yahoo.com says:
Illegal character
Looks as if the Bugmeister's taken up residence before he's taken possession! A computer fritzing NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO JONNY, AL REUT AND MICROHOO!!
MTV bans Barkley video
MTV will not air Gnarls Barkley's video "Run," and it has nothing to do with sex or violence. » The reason
The (putative) reason: a strobe effect that can make people "sick". Having thus plugged a no-talent Microhoo! gets onto the true business at hand: displaying a pop-up window that reads:
The page at http://music.yahoo.com says:
Illegal character
Looks as if the Bugmeister's taken up residence before he's taken possession! A computer fritzing NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO JONNY, AL REUT AND MICROHOO!!
This will get B. S. DEFENDER excited: the LALATimes will report the news through CHEAP CHANNEL using ten digital billboards! Heck the article contains the word "viral"!
How many people will notice?
How many people will notice?
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
If housing is at its worst "since the Great Depression", that would seem to mean housing is in a depression -- and what is to prevent the rest of this Babbitt-built economy from having a depression?
To their credit, Alabama officials have packaged a set of strong incentives for business development.
TRANSLATION: Fred "Nonstop McLaughlin Mouth" Barnes is for taxpayer-financed bribes!
TRANSLATION: Fred "Nonstop McLaughlin Mouth" Barnes is for taxpayer-financed bribes!
Rog again:
HBO’s nine-hour mini-series, "John Adams," is based on a real story, you know.
That was the running joke at Monday night’s star-studded premiere at the Museum of Modern Art.
And some of them STILL don't know.
HBO’s nine-hour mini-series, "John Adams," is based on a real story, you know.
That was the running joke at Monday night’s star-studded premiere at the Museum of Modern Art.
And some of them STILL don't know.
Republicans like McCain most, but Obama not too far behind
TRANSLATION: The Messiah is almost as moderate as Boobs McKeating. (?!?!?)
TRANSLATION: The Messiah is almost as moderate as Boobs McKeating. (?!?!?)
THE CONSPIRACY unleashes dogs to dog pirates of dogs!
Another brilliant solution from SAMMY GLICKMAN!
Another brilliant solution from SAMMY GLICKMAN!
We need more microbes!
Okay Professor, how can you and your nanotech-loving friends solve this problem?
Okay Professor, how can you and your nanotech-loving friends solve this problem?
Look folks, we long ago learned not to trust news organizations -- for many different reasons.
(Via MediaBistro)
(Via MediaBistro)
...I appreciate the fact that you really snatched defeat out of the jaws of those who are trying to defeat us in Iraq.
Now remember Dubya, half-a-million a speech -- and always deliver the same speech. Heck even the mistakes can be the same. Got that?
Now remember Dubya, half-a-million a speech -- and always deliver the same speech. Heck even the mistakes can be the same. Got that?
Because we expect SLEAZE from show-biz, we expect SLEAZE in its private dealings; hence, SUPERNIKKI!!!!! notwithstanding, the trial of this private eye will be met by most with one giant snooze.
(Via BloomyLite)
(Via BloomyLite)
Yet another falsehood from the publishing biz.
Really, the memoir should be banned; not only is it the stomping ground of liars, it is the wellspring of treacle.
And Michiko praised it. Of course there's no way the ad-blurbists should be expected to know better; on the other hand, they don't have to, not with their adjectives in the holster.
Really, the memoir should be banned; not only is it the stomping ground of liars, it is the wellspring of treacle.
And Michiko praised it. Of course there's no way the ad-blurbists should be expected to know better; on the other hand, they don't have to, not with their adjectives in the holster.
Another epidemic of bullets, in Memphis.
How many of our civic "leaders" willingly accept such carnage in the name of quarantining poor people?
How many of our civic "leaders" willingly accept such carnage in the name of quarantining poor people?
Monday, March 03, 2008
The ad-biz is having a fit of ethics because a couple of keyboard bangers may have caused an agency exec to kill himself. We can't say yes, and we can't say no; it would be a trivial man, as one person puts it here, who'd kill himself because a bloggers' venom. But too often the Web's rage is unchecked, and all that rage feeds on itself. Personal attacks on private citizens are intolerable. But bloggers, like so much of media, are about making the intolerable tolerable.
As for one of the blogs mentioned, we can safely say what millions of visitors say of millions of blogs, with far less justification: our first visit was our last.
(Via MediaBistro)
As for one of the blogs mentioned, we can safely say what millions of visitors say of millions of blogs, with far less justification: our first visit was our last.
(Via MediaBistro)
The resolution authorizes inspections of cargo to and from Iran that is suspected of carrying prohibited equipment, tightens the monitoring of Iranian financial institutions and extends travel bans and asset freezes against persons and companies involved in the nuclear program.
It adds 13 names to the existing list of 5 individuals and 12 companies subject to travel and asset restrictions. The new names include people with direct responsibility for building fast-spinning centrifuges that enrich uranium ore and a brigadier general engaged in “efforts to get round the sanctions” in the two earlier resolutions.
The new measure also bans all trade and supply of so-called dual-use items, materials and technologies that can be adapted for military as well as civilian ends.
Hey Luigi! Have any more bowls of wet noodles?
It adds 13 names to the existing list of 5 individuals and 12 companies subject to travel and asset restrictions. The new names include people with direct responsibility for building fast-spinning centrifuges that enrich uranium ore and a brigadier general engaged in “efforts to get round the sanctions” in the two earlier resolutions.
The new measure also bans all trade and supply of so-called dual-use items, materials and technologies that can be adapted for military as well as civilian ends.
Hey Luigi! Have any more bowls of wet noodles?
Merging three big automotive companies may NOT create a Toyota.
Did these guys learn anything from Jürgen "Shempp" "Schrimpp" SCHRRRRRRRRRRRREMPP?
Did these guys learn anything from Jürgen "Shempp" "Schrimpp" SCHRRRRRRRRRRRREMPP?
Kevin Drum links to "one of the most harebrained posts I've ever read" -- BUT, as he says here, two days later,
There's a class of people (patron saint: Ann Coulter) whose sole objective is to provoke a response. Link to me! Talk about me! Help me promote my new book! So no matter how deserving of ridicule they are, it turns out that ridicule actually helps them. This presents us with a quandary: ignore such pieces, thus allowing idiocy to sit unchallenged? Or fight back, thus providing the authors with exactly what they wanted?
He has no answer, and all we can say is that the Web seems designed to optimize idiots and idiocy, and in that alone it may not be the hope of mankind some to this day insist it is.
There's a class of people (patron saint: Ann Coulter) whose sole objective is to provoke a response. Link to me! Talk about me! Help me promote my new book! So no matter how deserving of ridicule they are, it turns out that ridicule actually helps them. This presents us with a quandary: ignore such pieces, thus allowing idiocy to sit unchallenged? Or fight back, thus providing the authors with exactly what they wanted?
He has no answer, and all we can say is that the Web seems designed to optimize idiots and idiocy, and in that alone it may not be the hope of mankind some to this day insist it is.
St. Warren goes into His Thinker pose:
Buffett said that "from a common-sense standpoint right now, we're in a recession," though the U.S. economy has not yet recorded two straight quarters of declining gross domestic product, a traditional indicator of recession.
He said the environment is "nothing like '73 or '74 yet," referring to a deep economic downturn also marked by rising oil prices, higher inflation and falling stocks.
Still, he said investors should not rule out a significant economic downturn, and that Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke has a "very tough balancing act" in trying to boost economic growth without kindling inflation. Buffett said there is a fair chance that inflation may ignite in a "serious way."
What does St. Warren know that any ordinary investor doesn't? Or does His great knowledge and insight come from having invested in 1965?
[T]he building suffers from too much jazz, too much angularity, too much discordant massing.
Is this the Newseum you're talking about or the press?
It isn't just corporate, it's a corporate building hiding behind the First Amendment.
Heck, even the natives are wise.
(Via MediaBistro)
Is this the Newseum you're talking about or the press?
It isn't just corporate, it's a corporate building hiding behind the First Amendment.
Heck, even the natives are wise.
(Via MediaBistro)
Some Lilliputs south of the border are talking war.
The only practical outcome is it will make oil more expensive, as if anything's needed for that.
The only practical outcome is it will make oil more expensive, as if anything's needed for that.
Now all that badmouthing by news hacks about how rotten the housing market is has spread to the municipal-bonds biz and the student-loan racket.
Just how many unneeded houses DID you Babbitts build?
Just how many unneeded houses DID you Babbitts build?
Sunday, March 02, 2008
Here's a great reason the Os-CARS® deserved their low ratings -- and a few of the winners deserved not to be seen.
By the way, just because she's French doesn't mean she's that good looking.
By the way, just because she's French doesn't mean she's that good looking.
We could say this story sounds almost like a publicity stunt 39 years after the fact, and that would make us sound stupid, but we don't think even the GREATEST GEEZER ROCKER OF THEM ALL much cares anymore.
If it's Sunday, it must be Big Double-A-Scribble Time:
1. Unilever, P&G War Over Which Is Most Ethical
Sure. Both these companies could give all their profits to charity (we wouldn't advise it) and they'd STILL come across as gigantic misanthropic louts so long as they finance JUNK TELEVISION. This is just a fight to see who can be more lunkheadedly PC. How many times must we repeat ourselves repeat ourselves repeat ourselves?
P&G's Pur has one of the most elaborate cause-marketing efforts -- a $20 million program that aims to purify 2 billion liters of water in Africa and save 10,000 lives by 2012.
New Age as the program may be, the ads are classic package goods. The Pur water-purification packets make for an amazing product demo. Take the most turbid swamp water imaginable, mix in a sachet of Pur Purifier of Water and strain it through a cloth. Within a minute or so, it produces a pitcher of perfectly clear, drinkable water.
The trouble is, the people who need it most have no money.
The road to Hollywood is paved with good intentions.
2. The Blue-Light Barneys: That's Kmart's Design
Problem is, I don't think Barneys are located in broken-down strip malls.
3. In an Effort to Get 'Cool,' Microsoft Finally Calls in Crispin
Hopes Hip Shop Can Help Sex Up Windows' Image With $300 Million Push
Sex with the BUGMEISTER?!? BLEAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!
4. And speaking of how SAMMY GLICKMAN has solved the problem with JACK'S TOXIC SOUP forever and ever:
Distributor Lionsgate will release "Frontier(s)" without any rating assigned to it from the Motion Picture Association of America -- giving the film access to more screens than it would have with an NC-17 rating.
This sounds like idle typing to us -- the Big Double-A Scribble has done a favor for this outfit before -- but never underestimate the willingness of the movie excretion trade to do the wrong thing to make a buck. And given how companies like P&G and Unilever are so big to finance such excretions indirectly that's why we wouldn't trust their good intentions if they wafted down from the heavens on the wings of angels.
Here's betting it bombs anyway.
1. Unilever, P&G War Over Which Is Most Ethical
Sure. Both these companies could give all their profits to charity (we wouldn't advise it) and they'd STILL come across as gigantic misanthropic louts so long as they finance JUNK TELEVISION. This is just a fight to see who can be more lunkheadedly PC. How many times must we repeat ourselves repeat ourselves repeat ourselves?
P&G's Pur has one of the most elaborate cause-marketing efforts -- a $20 million program that aims to purify 2 billion liters of water in Africa and save 10,000 lives by 2012.
New Age as the program may be, the ads are classic package goods. The Pur water-purification packets make for an amazing product demo. Take the most turbid swamp water imaginable, mix in a sachet of Pur Purifier of Water and strain it through a cloth. Within a minute or so, it produces a pitcher of perfectly clear, drinkable water.
The trouble is, the people who need it most have no money.
The road to Hollywood is paved with good intentions.
2. The Blue-Light Barneys: That's Kmart's Design
Problem is, I don't think Barneys are located in broken-down strip malls.
3. In an Effort to Get 'Cool,' Microsoft Finally Calls in Crispin
Hopes Hip Shop Can Help Sex Up Windows' Image With $300 Million Push
Sex with the BUGMEISTER?!? BLEAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!
4. And speaking of how SAMMY GLICKMAN has solved the problem with JACK'S TOXIC SOUP forever and ever:
Distributor Lionsgate will release "Frontier(s)" without any rating assigned to it from the Motion Picture Association of America -- giving the film access to more screens than it would have with an NC-17 rating.
This sounds like idle typing to us -- the Big Double-A Scribble has done a favor for this outfit before -- but never underestimate the willingness of the movie excretion trade to do the wrong thing to make a buck. And given how companies like P&G and Unilever are so big to finance such excretions indirectly that's why we wouldn't trust their good intentions if they wafted down from the heavens on the wings of angels.
Here's betting it bombs anyway.
THIS IS A WARNING: ShoWest, the movie excretion biz' biggest chance to congratulate itself this side the falling Os-CARS®, is happening next week in Vegas, and among the subjects on the docket are:
“The Insurance Market is Changing”
As well it might be; you don't know when angry moviegoers might finally decide to torch a few popcorn restaurants.
“Cinema Marketing - Driving Loyalty and Frequency”
We can start by upping the number of commercials before the extrusion, that'll be a help. God knows ethanol will help up the price of the popcorn. Grungier establishments would also work.
“Hot Topics in HR”
How did this biz get so BORING?
“Is That Your Credit Card Interchange Fee in Your Pocket, Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?”
We REPEAT....
“The Collective Wisdom of Movies: Seeing the Forest
Through the Trees”
Data compiled by Nielsen PreView™
What happens when you gather 400 movies across
two years, across all genres, across all consumer
media? Collective wisdom.
TRANSLATION: THE MOVIE EXCRETION BIZ IS NOW USING MORE FOCUS GROUPS TO MAKE MORE EXCRETIONS -- PERIOD.
AND:
Presentation of the USA TODAY/ Coca-Cola Consumer
Choice Award for Favorite Movie of 2007 to “The
Bourne Ultimatum” as voted on by the readers of USA
Today
Which means the WHOLE SHOW-BIZ PR STAFF of OKAY!!!!! WILL BE THERE PLUGGING AWAY!!!!!
No mention of the public-outreach TRIUMPH of last week. Oh, and no mention of JACK'S SECRET-BOTULISM-RECIPE ALPHABET SOUP either; we've solved that problem forever and ever.
By the way, attendance appears to be heading down to EVEN after another great weekend, and declining. GOOD!
“The Insurance Market is Changing”
As well it might be; you don't know when angry moviegoers might finally decide to torch a few popcorn restaurants.
“Cinema Marketing - Driving Loyalty and Frequency”
We can start by upping the number of commercials before the extrusion, that'll be a help. God knows ethanol will help up the price of the popcorn. Grungier establishments would also work.
“Hot Topics in HR”
How did this biz get so BORING?
“Is That Your Credit Card Interchange Fee in Your Pocket, Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?”
We REPEAT....
“The Collective Wisdom of Movies: Seeing the Forest
Through the Trees”
Data compiled by Nielsen PreView™
What happens when you gather 400 movies across
two years, across all genres, across all consumer
media? Collective wisdom.
TRANSLATION: THE MOVIE EXCRETION BIZ IS NOW USING MORE FOCUS GROUPS TO MAKE MORE EXCRETIONS -- PERIOD.
AND:
Presentation of the USA TODAY/ Coca-Cola Consumer
Choice Award for Favorite Movie of 2007 to “The
Bourne Ultimatum” as voted on by the readers of USA
Today
Which means the WHOLE SHOW-BIZ PR STAFF of OKAY!!!!! WILL BE THERE PLUGGING AWAY!!!!!
No mention of the public-outreach TRIUMPH of last week. Oh, and no mention of JACK'S SECRET-BOTULISM-RECIPE ALPHABET SOUP either; we've solved that problem forever and ever.
By the way, attendance appears to be heading down to EVEN after another great weekend, and declining. GOOD!