Eugene David ...The One-Minute Pundit |
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED: I know more than you. I make lots more money than you. I'm smarter than you. I'm sexier than you. I appear on TV all the time. I work ten minutes a day. I rule the universe. I'm going to live forever. You are an idiot. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2: A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3: I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity. --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4: News isn't news when we don't report it. PERMALINKS: THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE! Blogroll Me! |
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Posted
9:04 PM
by Gene
We thought each brick of Yankee Stadium was worth at least its weight in gold.
Posted
5:28 PM
by Gene
CAVEAT: The new David Gurgle.
Posted
4:36 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:30 PM
by Gene
That's one good thing about this crisis: it may stop TRUMPing dead in its tracks.
Posted
1:28 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:24 PM
by Gene
Presumably an announcement that He's pulled another one on Dubya, but why that commonplace should cause diplomats to stand at attention is beyond us.
Posted
1:21 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:11 PM
by Gene
Meantime we get an inkling SUMNER may be in danger of losing His empire thanks to either His or His daughter's machinations. Why do I think the crisis isn't over yet? (First link via USAOKAY.com)
Posted
12:15 AM
by Gene
It's true John McCain hasn't had much luck running against Obama (so far!). But that luck might change if McCain ran against the Democratic Congress in addition--and against the prospect of undivided, unchecked, liberal Democratic government. Compared with that, even "gridlock" might start sounding pretty good to the American people. After all, they didn't much like one-party, big-government conservatism. They should really be worried about one-party, big-government liberalism. Pffh-hh-hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!! Friday, October 17, 2008
Posted
11:38 PM
by Gene
Posted
11:27 PM
by Gene
Alas, judging from this tantrum in his blog, this professor may have a bit of a resemblance to the proverbial stopped clock. (Via -- oh, well -- Phi Beta Cons)
Posted
11:02 PM
by Gene
But meantime guy, don't spend the rest of yours dreaming of pot. That's a different kind of burning.
Posted
10:54 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:43 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:40 PM
by Gene
On the other hand all the Messiah talk did upgrade His chances, didn't it.
Posted
5:27 PM
by Gene
Obviously He isn't Adlai -- but who else could He be? We hope eventually He can give us cause to hold off the capitalized pronouns and the "Messiah" gag. But Janns sparked it. We'll be waiting. "Don't underestimate the capacity of Democrats to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. Don't underestimate our ability to screw it up." Thankfully, we won't.
Posted
5:23 PM
by Gene
Moreover Dame Kiri has called her a fake singer, adding to our skepticism.
Posted
5:07 PM
by Gene
Arguments in favor of continuing the tradition [of presidential endorsements]: Our editorial board follows the news closely, is well-informed on the issues and has a strong sense of the community, so our opinion is useful to readers. Endorsements, like all editorials, help spark debate and discussion, an essential part of the democratic process. Arguments against: We don't interview the presidential candidates, as we do the candidates for local and state offices, and, in this digital age, we have no special access to information about them. Presidential endorsements contribute to the polarization in our society and tend to aggravate readers and lead them to believe our coverage is biased. The latter wins.
Posted
4:56 PM
by Gene
FURTHER TRANSLATION: JLo's twins for eggheads. (Emended and corrected at 5:19 p. m. I used "scourge." Stupido!) (Further corrected at 5:48 p. m. I forgot some punctuation. Double stupido!)
Posted
3:41 PM
by Gene
Posted
3:20 PM
by Gene
Although I think it got there some months ago.
Posted
3:12 PM
by Gene
Posted
3:02 PM
by Gene
Meantime, Wednesday Fitch Ratings released a report saying "default (not necessarily bankruptcy) is a real possibility." Fitch's outlook on the company is "Negative," it's [Big C SIC] current rating on Tribune's IDR "CCC". Plus He appears to be gradually giving up on selling dem Cubbies. Way to go, COL.! ROMY hasn't posted on this yet?!? P. S. at 5:03 p. m.: Ditto. Yes, the paper has stood for Republican principles for a long time. In 1855, a young politician named Abraham Lincoln wandered into the offices of the Tribune on Clark Street. Lincoln handed over $4 for a subscription and complimented the new co-owner and managing editor, Joseph Medill, on his stand against intolerance. "I didn't like it before you boys took hold of it," he said of the Tribune. And now that COL. has gotten hold of it and messed up the place with His muddling and his debt you REALLY won't like it. Romy found this one!
Posted
2:35 PM
by Gene
![]() Jonny Hairshirt may think himself EXTREMELY clever for writing this 18 days before an election, but all he's doing his waving his big plum-stained paws in the direction of 1150 15th St., NW and whispering, "HEY!!!!! ISN'T HOWARD GETTING A LITTLE OVER THE HILL?!?!?!?!?"
Posted
12:01 PM
by Gene
You would, Rog.
Posted
9:01 AM
by Gene
By the way, ST., we wouldn't rate a president's excellence by how well he writes. Nixon wrote books too (although most after he left office). And Warren Harding was a newspaper editor.
Posted
8:46 AM
by Gene
![]() In my never-to-be-published comic novel about my college career I say mice are scientists' favorites because they're cute and they'll do anything you want them to. After seeing this I'm thinking the same is true for rats, only rats tend to be not-so-cute.
Posted
8:40 AM
by Gene
Almost all of the McCain ads and one-third of the Obama ads were negative. Leaving aside what we've said before about campaign advertising, if this is true (these are SLIME's Wall Street Journals) it might account for why Boobs may lose the election: you have to be for something too. (Via MediaBistro) Thursday, October 16, 2008
Posted
1:33 PM
by Gene
Nonetheless these things accrete, don't they.
Posted
1:30 PM
by Gene
WhoooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPS.... (Via MediaBistro)
Posted
1:15 PM
by Gene
![]() ACME Communications is being delisted from the Nasdaq Global Market, and also intends to deregister its common stock and cease filing reports with the SEC. Shucks!
Posted
1:13 PM
by Gene
Whatever You say is next! USAOKAY!!!!! would be nothing if it didn't grant favors to show-biz types. Oh, it's nothing anyway.
Posted
11:51 AM
by Gene
![]() We are astonished and saddened to learn that Edie Adams, the very very comely and talented singer and actress and the devoted wife of Ernie Kovacs until his dreadful freak death in a Corvair in 1962, has died. But for Mrs. Kovacs the morons at ABC would long ago have erased his famed 1961 specials. By the way, she played Daisy Mae in the original Broadway production of Li'l Abner. Nuf said. P. S. Well, not nuf said: Julie Newmar and Tina Louise were also in that show. Siggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....
Posted
11:37 AM
by Gene
Posted
11:32 AM
by Gene
Half-a-dozen of the other: Romy gets mad because "[d]uring the buildup to the Iraq War, the company warned clients that coverage of war protests 'turned off news consumers,' according to Salon", with Romy conspicuously making sure the last three words and the link were missing.
Posted
11:22 AM
by Gene
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!! [From SeekingAlpha.com]
Posted
9:09 AM
by Gene
Barclays buys more Lehman assets than wanted after Excel error
Posted
8:55 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:34 AM
by Gene
Posted
2:25 AM
by Gene
Why exactly would anybody want this job?
Posted
1:52 AM
by Gene
(Via Game On!)
Posted
12:43 AM
by Gene
Aside from being deprived of my sleep I'm angry because these cheering cretins don't realize a Series win only benefits the owners -- and the players who will quickly decamp for richer sites -- and then I can see our governing superiors with their feet on the rails in their luxury boxes, who couldn't stop the slaughter in our ghetto (yes, we have a ghetto) if they had Superman, but still manage to act as though they rule the planet, and on whom their smug smiles cannot be wiped off even by a conviction. I wonder how much crowd "control" and cleaning up the vomit costs us tonight, and when they win the Series. Enough that we can't afford. One other thing -- what is the average profit margin in Seligism? Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Posted
7:47 PM
by Gene
Meaning 1. The people are starting to reward these incompetent prima donnas for years of earning 30,000 times their average workers' pay; and 2. The next incompetent prima donna may not be so lucky.
Posted
5:59 PM
by Gene
So did your thankfully retired managing editor. One good thing about the latest Wall Street Psychosis: WPO down 43.60 POINTS today, to another eleven-year low.
Posted
5:51 PM
by Gene
How can you sue someone Whose home address is everywhere? Chambers, who graduated from law school but never took the bar exam.... Legisla-TOR of the year? lawyer of the year? How about doofus of the year? Chambers, who has served a record 38 years in the Nebraska Legislature, is not returning next year because of term limits. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA -- oh, never mind.
Posted
5:39 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:34 PM
by Gene
And Selig and SLIME said -- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMEN!
Posted
5:32 PM
by Gene
ACLU: Federal death row inmates denied health care
Posted
5:28 PM
by Gene
Besides maybe The Lord can inflict His Righteous Wrath on them after the election.
Posted
2:17 PM
by Gene
Although most of the surveyed banks were “actively looking for credits” among potential business borrowers, recent consolidation affecting banks in the region has led to some interruption of loan marketing efforts at those institutions. You don't suppose...hmmm....
Posted
1:58 PM
by Gene
By the way, HARVEY WHINER, if your extrusion's so outrageous why didn't you -- GO ALL THE WAY?
Posted
10:54 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:16 AM
by Gene
Elsewhere what the Big V assures us is a BIG CAST will do a CON-SUHT RRRREADING of ONE OF HERR DOKTOR SONDHEIM'S CLAS-SICS, which is just as bad in its own way.
Posted
8:59 AM
by Gene
That's a first.
Posted
8:37 AM
by Gene
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Posted
8:01 PM
by Gene
Posted
7:56 PM
by Gene
BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
7:54 PM
by Gene
[M]odern music is a tough sell, and orchestra seats that usually go for $175-$220 were discounted to $30 following a $500,000 donation by a Met board member. It's the bargain of the season. So are stocks!
Posted
5:54 PM
by Gene
US pledges to curb 'fat cat' pay in $250bn rescue
Posted
5:40 PM
by Gene
using the Blu-ray “Sleeping Beauty” to push the company’s new BD Live technology, which requires an Internet connection. Every time I tried to load it on my desktop computer, my software player choked on the 58-page “End User’s License Agreement” and crashed, so I don’t know how well the new features work. And all so the kiddies can send text messages while they're watching. Well, Uncle Walt (whoever he was) loved toy trains.
Posted
5:27 PM
by Gene
Another argument against Republicans.
Posted
5:21 PM
by Gene
And I'm getting a little tired of predictions. Nobody knows and everyone acts as if he does.
Posted
5:00 PM
by Gene
As for "our" team, I suppose (being a municipal worker) we'll get half-a-day off to "celebrate". Knowing how stupids overran Broad Street the last time I think I'll go to the library.
Posted
3:34 PM
by Gene
And he has a very strong point about the movement in the third to last graf, but then he blows a gasket about Terry Schiavo, which says GREATEST is no social conservative, which also says too many conservatives -- of the GREATEST kind and the subscription-canceling kind -- blow with whatever wind pleases them. And that includes Bill. P. S. Rich Lowry says it was a guest column, and no hard feelings. Really, I'm tired. (Via the usual Romy)
Posted
11:28 AM
by Gene
![]() Of course there'd be no room in this "library" for books. With all the "saw-toothed glass" and "conga lines" and "leaping arcs" where would there be room? And who'd want books in there when the roof inevitably leaks? (Via the usual ArtsJournal)
Posted
11:16 AM
by Gene
Growing hope of what? G000,000GLE at $747 again? Turning a major major recession into a merely major one? We are resigned to what governments had to do to get the financial markets out of their alternating lethargy and psychosis, but we don't delude ourselves; as they've already shown, when they want to screw up, they will -- and no one can stop them.
Posted
11:10 AM
by Gene
(Via Portfolio.com)
Posted
10:57 AM
by Gene
"We are on the brink of an Electoral College blowout, and there is a possibility for huge Democratic gains in the Senate, which means Barack Obama could be the most powerful president we've seen since George W. Bush in the years immediately following 9-11, or Lyndon B. Johnson in 1964," Mr. Harris said. And while Romy is understandably excited look what these two lunkheads got us. If The Messiah is anything like them we're in for a rotten four (or eight) years, but John was so busy hugging himself he didn't notice. He wouldn't have, co-editing Politico.
Posted
8:49 AM
by Gene
You said it, chairman. Monday, October 13, 2008
Posted
8:23 PM
by Gene
Jeff Greenfield Sit Down and Shut Up
Posted
6:42 PM
by Gene
Posted
4:46 PM
by Gene
He's dissing XP ME too!
Posted
4:39 PM
by Gene
It's the Thinking Man's Game, Stupid Reversing the hed and subhed makes more sense. P. S. While we soldier on, we're discouraged to see thousands of bloggers typing out hundreds of thousands of entries fixating on their hatred of Tony Kornheiser, among other things, and getting far more hits in a second than we'll get in ten years. It would appear TV has no monopoly on obsessive, loudmouthed, DUMB commentary, whatever the sport.
Posted
2:04 PM
by Gene
We can dream -- and we can only dream -- that SI-DOM were a public company, selling for $0.75 a share.
Posted
1:49 PM
by Gene
1. Dubya's muddleheaded rebate didn't work and 2. Minuscule tax cuts won't either.
Posted
1:35 PM
by Gene
Hitchens [Mark R. Levin] If you thought there was hope for this guy, reconsider. 10/13 12:55 PMAw shucks, does that mean we must never ever ever ever pay attention to this guy again?
Posted
1:23 PM
by Gene
LONG LIVE THE EMPIRES! LONG LIVE THE KINGS! (Via the usual Romy)
Posted
1:15 PM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: The same old slant in MOD new clothes. Newsstand sales down 17.3 percent in the first half of '08. Who needs readers? (Via MediaBistro)
Posted
10:17 AM
by Gene
At last! I got his name right! "He took radio, which was akin to the used-car business, and made it a vital part of the entertainment business." No no -- LOWSY MAYS took radio from the used-car business into the NEW-CAR business. And look where it got CHEAP CHANNEL! P. S. We are in dangerous territory here: what with the proverbial second acts in American life and NEWS HACKS it may be premature to write off any of their cretinous favorites as "finished"; but I can just see him trying to get back on the radio. "Herbert -- who"? And all the teens will think him an overaged hippie or a dirty old man. Oh jeez, his name IS Herbert. P. P. S. from a disciple: “Radio today is so bad, it's embarrassing.” Look at it this way, Horace: you're embarrassing in private. HORACE! (First link via IWantMedia)
Posted
10:13 AM
by Gene
We couldn't believe President Reagan; we couldn't believe President Bush, we couldn't believe President Clinton; we couldn't believe President Bush (ditto). What's one more name?
Posted
10:08 AM
by Gene
Bailout, North Korea ... [Kathryn Jean Lopez] ... is this all an argument against second terms?
Posted
10:00 AM
by Gene
In the back of their puny heads, maybe con-SER-va-tives have come to realize the time for lying down and dying for the hyperrich has ended -- for now.
Posted
9:44 AM
by Gene
Poll: Obama Up by 10 Points A Deserved Dose of Humility That deserved dose of humility is for losing a football game. We can't imagine any hack applying such a hed anywhere else. We've seen enough public clowns in our lives who deserved humility and never got the demand for it from news hacks like the Redskins. And of course news hacks deserve no humility for constantly trying to win elections for their candidates by pounding the table with their subtly rigged public-opinion polls. The continuing economic crisis in their business brings them no humility. The thought of their co-workers being escorted from the news suites by security guards brings no humility. They themselves could lose their jobs and it would bring no humility. The news business is perfection, even as the one perfection it successfully strives for is its work forces and stock prices approaching zero.
Posted
9:41 AM
by Gene
This means two things: 1. It's not a hot-button issue this year and 2. On any important topic neither candidate has any courage or sense.
Posted
9:37 AM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: Another stock in single digits pairs with a company with a false identity to fill air time.
Posted
9:29 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:23 AM
by Gene
See, the hacks act as if they can be smug forever. They will not budge even as thousands of their colleagues lose their jobs and whole companies stand on the verge of bankruptcy. So when they cheer The Lord's Ascension in their luxury news suites, the sound will be slightly hollow. Well, that's all right -- stocks are going up today.
Posted
9:18 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:09 AM
by Gene
See, not ALL Americans are bad. Sunday, October 12, 2008
Posted
3:46 PM
by Gene
US Headed For Demise Under Democrats, Obama We'll see about that.
Posted
3:41 PM
by Gene
These next few months I would not like to be one of them Blue Dogs. How far can you go to uphold The Truth without being unelected?
Posted
3:34 PM
by Gene
Posted
10:17 AM
by Gene
The good news: They're creditors just like everyone else. (Via SeekingAlpha.com)
Posted
10:14 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:13 AM
by Gene
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