Posted 3:21 PM by Gene

Well, see you on Monday! I don't like the enforced exile, but you will get this when you install memory cards the wrong way. I did get a replacement -- a LENNY! (And a monitor too.) It's "refurbished" merchandise from an eBay seller, but considering the number of outfits flogging it I wouldn't be surprised if Len's holding a fire-sale of new goods from the old manufacturer, much as Sony did last year with MiniDisc recorders, a greater likelihood given they carry a one-year warranty (new on Lenny's PCs is three years), whereas similar goods from HP on uBid carry ninety days'. It's an INDUSTRIAL-STRENGTH model with XP Pro, which is okay by me, even if I just bought the Home edition. I suspect Len will be strictly laptops before long; anyone can make a box. Never mind that nearly anyone can make a laptop too.

Posted 3:18 PM by Gene

A CHARTER MEMBER OF THE AMERICAN SOCIETY OF WILLFULLY IGNORANT ADVERTISERS DOES IT -- AGAIN:

Procter & Gamble Co. will stop advertising its Secret Sparkle Body Spray to children under 12 following a ruling by the Children’s Advertising Review Unit that P&G's marketing program violates safety provisions of the group’s self-regulatory guidelines.

P&G launched the product –- the first mass-market body spray directed at girls -– this spring with efforts that included sampling and a now-ended co-branded sweepstakes giving away iPod Shuffles at Limited Too, a fashion chain for girls ages 7 to 14. But the body spray carries a "Keep Out of Reach of Children" warning. [Emphasis added]

This is PRECISELY why P&G and its partners in Reverse Robin Hooding sponsor so much JUNK TV: ONE HAND DOESN'T KNOW WHAT THE OTHER'S DOING -- AND THEY WANT TO KEEP IT THAT WAY.

Posted 1:21 PM by Gene

The new big argument at Romy's is over newspaper-site registration. I always tell reasonably close to the truth, which must make me the worst kind of mark, but I must agree with that fellow from the Dallas Morning News: since these folk are kind enough to give me what we used to pay for for free it's the least I can do. As to those who rail over "invasions of privacy," I answer, the Web is history's BIGGEST invader of privacy.

Posted 1:06 PM by Gene

That the Dimocrats have been carefully "distancing themselves" from Chairman Footinmouth suggests that not one of them has the guts to say what someone brave enough would say -- GOV. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHH!!!!! should RESIGN. Why can't someone say that? Do the scrambled eggheads and the Hollywood fornicators have THAT kind of stranglehold on the party? Or is courage something for the OTHER SIDE?

Posted 11:37 AM by Gene

Report: West Coast group to buy Pittsburgh Penguins

TRANSLATION: They're buying nothing for something.

Posted 11:31 AM by Gene

I don't know what to make of the NEW! IMPROVED!! Nielsens. On the one hand it's bad news if more people are taking TV painkiller in ever larger doses, especially as that means THE AMERICAN SOCIETY OF WILLFULLY IGNORANT ADVERTISERS can REALLY ramp up the spending on BAD TV. On the other hand, why is Frisco's TV consumption up over 31 percent, but LALA's up only 7.5? My guess is there's a lot of statistical fantasy to these numbers, just as with public opinion polls and anything else that tries to make a literal out of a figurative.

Posted 9:04 AM by Gene

'Batman Begins,' and the franchise starts over [Home-page teaser]

USAOKAY!!!!! begins, and the selling starts over and OVER and OVER and OVER....

P. S. Actually, this article isn't as bad as we might expect from OKAY!!!!!, though Scott mentions the mythical entity "Warner Bros." and not TIME WARNER. And it contains this interesting quote:

"We'll have to see if more than the comic-book nerds turn out," says Box Office Mojo's Brandon Gray. "It's one thing to make a movie for fans. It's another to make a film all of America wants to see."

Actually, we rather hope THE CONSPIRACY keeps making movies for NERDS, if it can go the way of the horse-and-buggy. It certainly doesn't make them for ADULTS.

Posted 8:53 AM by Gene

RUMBLE RUMBLE RUMBLE, MUTINY MUTINY MUTINY:

" DO [NRO Corner SIC] YOU THINK THAT THE FOCUS ON MICHAEL JACKSON HAS HURT YOU?" [K. J. Lopez]
Ugh.

Neil Cavuto asked that of the president. I know the few times I've met the president I have been in total groupie mode, so I shouldn't talk. But you get an interview with the president and you ask him about Michael Jackson? That dude's been on cable news too long. Next he'll ask the leader of the free world about car chases.

Posted at 06:26 AM

1. Yes he has, and 2. I think too many con-SER-va-tives have been watching FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!NEWS too long.

Posted 8:45 AM by Gene

The ANIME PHREAKS do it AGAIN:

Hardware: PC Case Made Completely of Fans

Posted 8:39 AM by Gene

A great moment in FINANCIAL HISTORY:

Citigroup to Pay $2 Billion in Enron Lawsuit

With Citigroup, we should say ANOTHER.

Posted 8:36 AM by Gene

Bolivian Lawmakers Select Caretaker President

In that part of the world aren't they always?

Posted 8:26 AM by Gene

ANYTHING CURLEY'S STOOGES can do, the REUT'S FREEDOM FIGHTERS can do BETTER -- LOTS BETTER:

Who would win a fight between Batman and Balzac, Superman and Steinbeck?

The answer may be obvious in literary terms, but comic books are breaking down the stereotype of lightweight entertainment for teenage boys more interested in superheroes than Shakespeare's men in tights.

So -- Batman is better than Balzac, and Superman's better than Steinbeck! We're living in a PLATINUM AGE OF ART! (But don't flatter yourself, typist; anybody could be better than STEINBECK.) And Shakespeare's men wear TIGHTS! Does that include FALSTAFF? Somehow we don't see him in tights.

Graphic novel sales grew around 25 percent in 2004 to more than $205 million, according to trade news Web site ISV2.com...

That's roughly 70 cents per every man, woman and child in America -- WOW!!!!!!!!!!

...which said the fastest growing sector was manga -- Japanese comic books similar to the popular anime cartoons that are now a major part of children's programming on U.S. television.

Pardon -- they don't even qualify as FETUSES.

Posted 8:23 AM by Gene

Chicago Declares 'Roger Ebert Day'

Does that mean everyone's forced into a hospital to have surgery so their thumbs always point UP? Or can they merely stay home and PROTEST?

Posted 8:18 AM by Gene

Radio Personality 'Cousin Brucie' To Join Sirius

The medium's future...is its past.

Good luck, ZONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN.

Posted 8:15 AM by Gene

Report Details F.B.I.'s Failure on 2 Hijackers

OR:

"By building our intelligence capabilities, improving our technology, and working together, we have and will continue to develop the capabilities we need to succeed against all threats," said Cassandra Chandler, an assistant director at the bureau.

TRANSLATION: Knock on wood. Nor does it help that the director's first name is Cassandra. The last thing we expect from the Fumblers, Bumblers and Incompetents is PROPHECY.

Posted 8:11 AM by Gene

And the Republic falls further into dissolution and disrepute:

FRONT-RUNNER FOR PUBLIC BROADCAST AGENCY IS FORMER GOP CHAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah, we know what it's like, ST. WARREN. Life's a -- RICHIE RICH.

Posted 8:08 AM by Gene

Reid: No documents, no Bolton

Translation: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 3:50 PM by Gene

Along with the buzz-making news that it was bringing Intel inside its computers, Apple on Monday touted the fact that it will deliver the two-millionth copy of its new operating system, Tiger, by the end of this week. The next version of Mac OS X, said Apple chief executive Steve Jobs, dubbed "Leopard," will roll out about the time Microsoft's Longhorn is scheduled to ship.

"The response to Tiger is off the charts," crowed Jobs in a statement....

"We intend to release Leopard at the end of 2006 or early 2007, right around the time Microsoft expects to release Longhorn," Jobs said.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Microsoft reiterated plans to launch its own Windows-based "hypervisor" software for running multiple operating systems.

Bob Muglia, senior vice president in the Windows Server Division, said on Tuesday that the software will be "built directly in Windows and will allow companies to virtualize multiple operating systems."

Do I smell another useless battle for universal domination coming on?

Posted 3:32 PM by Gene

THE ASSOCIATED PRESS, EVER ON THE CUTTING EDGE OF TRUTH-GATHERING:

Experts Decode Coldplay's Album Cover Art

LONDON - Is Coldplay trying to tell us something with that multicolored symbol on the cover of their new album? Cubelike images adorn the packaging, both on the cover and the liner notes, of "X&Y," the British band's much-anticipated third album that was released Tuesday.

New Music Express asked a number of top art experts to figure out what the geometric figure on the cover means. They've concluded that it's a 19th-century telegraphic code known as the Baudot Code, or The International Telegraph Code Number One. It was used in teletype machines in the late 1800s.

So, what does it say on the album cover? It says, appropriately enough, "X and Y." The rainbow colors are there just to make it pretty.

A message on the back of the liner notes says, "Make Trade Fair." The band is politically active, and lists several Web sites in the liner notes at which fans can get involved in global affairs.

CURLEY!!!!! YOUR STOOGES HAVE OUTDONE THEMSELVES!!!!! NYUK!!!!! NYUK!!!!! NYUK!!!!!

Posted 3:29 PM by Gene

An epochal moment at SLASHDOT:

SIMPSONS FILM IN PREPRODUCTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 3:24 PM by Gene

YET ANOTHER DEFINITION OF DELUSIONAL:

Why the media loves the disastrous Howard Dean and doesn't understand the greatness of Ken Mehlman.

YET ANOTHER DEFINITION OF DELUSIONAL:

THERE ARE THREE MEDIA ANALYSTS who command wide readership and deserve their influence--Jay Rosen of NYU, who writes PressThink, Jeff Jarvis of BuzzMachine and now the New York Times [SIC], and Howard Kurtz of the Washington Post.

This from the SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGER for the LITTLE GUY. Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhh....

Posted 3:21 PM by Gene

"I think there is no divide today between the U.S. and Europe as far as the main objectives of Iraq."

1. CHUCKLE CHUCKLE CHUCKLE! 2. Maybe the death of the EEEEEEEEEEEUUUUUUUUUUU has put the fear of God into our rivals.

Posted 3:18 PM by Gene

Panel: NASA has work to do before return to flight

Isn't that putting it mildly? Isn't this admitting maybe the Orbiting Jalopy shouldn't go up again, whatever the gung-ho bleats of solidarity?

Posted 3:16 PM by Gene

The more these show-biz morons pull PR stunts THE LESS WE LIKE THEM.

Posted 3:13 PM by Gene

Time for a Google-Time Warner merger!

DO IT! Then with luck you'll be worth $30 a share!

Posted 2:11 PM by Gene

This will be a LONG SUMMER for the movie conspiracy. And when some AINT-IT-COOL-NEWS-STYLE BLUBRIST can remark, "How could anything with Kevin Kline and Steve Martin be so unfunny?", one can only answer, BECAUSE IT'S A MOVIE.

Posted 9:46 AM by Gene

The Ralph Kramden of Congress says our war in Iraq is JUST LIKE the Holocaust.

Here is another argument for passing a law requiring every public official have his mouth surgically closed.

Posted 9:11 AM by Gene

Bob Costas is a very appropriate successor to Larry CourtJester. While no one could ever approach that unique blend of sycophancy toward his guests, disgust toward his audience, inanity and megalomania of the Jester, Bob has enough of the sports broadcaster in him to be regally fatuous, and to ask stupid questions that sound intelligent. Congratulations, Your Royal Lowness!

Posted 8:46 AM by Gene

The idiot blabbermouth SEAN is CHARGING for his blog, which is rather like taking up a collection to buy the BROOKLYN BRIDGE.

Posted 8:43 AM by Gene

"They brought this litigation not because of money in any capacity; it was always about responsibility," attorney Gregory McNeill said.

Somehow I suspect suing for $200 million may not necessarily be about responsibility.

Posted 8:42 AM by Gene

Two days after his arrest on assault charges, Oscar winner Russell Crowe shifted into damage-control mode on Wednesday, publicly apologizing for his telephone-throwing tantrum in the midst of a promotional tour for his latest film. [Emphasis added.]

So THAT'S why he did it!

Errrr....

Posted 8:25 AM by Gene

Top Saudi Says Kingdom Has Plenty of Oil

And plenty of terrorists?

Posted 8:15 AM by Gene

More EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL from the extremist, hermetically-sealed, RACISTSEXISTHOMOPHOBIC WORLD of DUBYA:

Latest Confirmed Nominee Sees Slavery in Liberalism

And she's BLACK! What do we call her, PINCH? AUNTIE TOM? Or do we call YOU narrow-minded and bigoted as USUAL?

Sounds like she's ready to shake out a few cobwebs.

Posted 1:56 PM by Gene

WOODSTEIN!!!!!

BUSH AIDE SOFTENED GREENHOUSE GAS LINKS TO GLOBAL WARMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GET ME A PULITZER!!!!!

Posted 1:53 PM by Gene

Star Wars: Episode III -- Revenge of the Sith has failed in China to create the kind of excitement that it has in the rest of the world. China Daily reported Tuesday that the film earned only $3.37 million in its first week of release in the world's largest nation. The newspaper commented that the failure of the film likely reflects cultural differences, noting that its "virtual world seems too celestial to be acceptable to many Chinese movie fans," many of whom, it said, have more adult tastes than Westerners.

Maybe they've already pirated it. But THEN...

The newspaper observed that Titanic, by contrast, earned $38.5 million on the Chinese mainland market and attributed its success to "the universal theme of love."

So much for THAT.

Posted 9:48 AM by Gene

"A WHITE, CHRISTIAN PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

How does FILET OF SOLE taste, CHAIRMAN FOOTINMOUTH?

Posted 9:06 AM by Gene

Time Warner has a P/E ratio of just 23, and a price/sales ratio of less than 2. It's hard to believe this stock trades in the same market as Google.

In the same UNIVERSE.

Posted 9:04 AM by Gene

Further hmmm....

A cache of weapons and bugging devices has been found at Iraq's abandoned embassy in London, the country's newly appointed ambassador said....

The discovery was made when new Iraqi ambassador Dr. Salah Al Shaikhly recently opened the embassy for the first time since staff abandoned it just before the war started in 2003.

Al Shaikhly told BBC radio Wednesday the arms haul, which dates from Saddam Hussein's regime, included four machine guns, 10 handguns and four silencers. The weapons had been found in one of the 20-odd safes at the embassy.

"It was amazing, you really despair when you know this kind of arsenal was kept at the Iraqi Embassy," Al Shaikhly said.

"There were also other things which looked like electric cattle prods," he added.

Aside from boxes of live and spent ammunition, there were also telescopic cameras and bugging devices.

"I believe they must have been bugging their own people inside the embassy ... Such was the regime, it didn't trust anybody. Everybody was spying on everybody else," the ambassador said.

You kidding? These were the GOOD guys. Right Chariman Footinmouth?

Posted 9:02 AM by Gene

A man once seen by show-biz hacks walking on water has parted with his stake in GE BANCORP ENTERTAINMENT.

Maybe He knows something too.

Posted 8:59 AM by Gene

Hmmm....

Far from cleaning up the atmosphere, the Amazon is now a major source for pollution. Rampant burning and deforestation, mostly at the hands of illegal loggers and of ranchers, release hundreds of millions of tons of carbon dioxide into the skies each year.

Brazil now ranks as one of the world's leading producers of greenhouse gases, thanks in large part to the Amazon, the source for up to two-thirds of the country's emissions.

Before you go attacking BIG MEAN UNCLE SAM, maybe you folks had better look in your own backyards, eh?

Posted 8:56 AM by Gene

If BIGMEDIA keeps pulling gags like this who says they'll still be BIG?

Here's betting VIACON or its successor changes formats again in a year.

Posted 8:50 AM by Gene

Deep Throat's unmasking comes in an era when secrets are scarce

Maybe that's why, in the end, it really didn't matter.

Posted 1:34 PM by Gene

Transcript shows Kerry's Yale grades similar to Bush's

Duuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....

Posted 11:35 AM by Gene

Sears Holdings Swings to 1Q Loss

WELL! I guess owning all that "valuable" real estate may not be enough. You may have to -- SELL MERCHANDISE.

Posted 11:32 AM by Gene

I hope the three servers who troll my blog every now and then will forgive me, but not having a computer at home has put me out of the blogging mood. It is just not the same twiddling your thumbs when you could be writing all sorts of inane, witless, unfunny comments about people who live for all practical purposes on Mars. I hope to be back to my usual sarcastic self eventually -- if I can figure out what kind of PC to get.

Posted 10:05 AM by Gene

Jeez, now even England won't vote on the One-Europe, One-Bureaucracy Charter. What will France and Germany do?

Posted 9:15 AM by Gene

One of the greatest white elephants in American history will have to wait another century.

Posted 9:11 AM by Gene

Study: G-rated fare more profitable

Hey Sammy! SAMMY GLICKMAN! WHY DO YOU MAKE SO LITTLE OF IT?

Posted 3:24 PM by Gene

Courts-martial for Koran abuse unlikely: official

No! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now if we could put NEWS HACKS on the case they'd find abuse even where none existed!

Posted 2:39 PM by Gene

Lohan wonders why tabloids care

Because they LOVE YOU.

Actress: 'I don't know why I'm so interesting'

I don't either.

Posted 12:03 PM by Gene

Well! The formerly Great White Way celebrates Herr Mike's SUCCESS -- and "LAYS AN EGG" by tying its LOWEST RATING EVER!!!!!

Proof, yet again, that theatre doesn't even qualify as a minority interest anymore.

I see MONTY PYTHON'S BLAZING SADDLES won three awards and RICHARD RODGERS' GRANDSON'S SHOW won six. The elitists must have voted with clothespins on their noses.

Posted 10:58 AM by Gene

Oh, no -- the NINE FINGERS say you can't GET HIGH for MEDICINAL PURPOSES!

Expect to hear a LOT from GLIBERTARIANS the next few days -- they can be more liberal than LIBERALS.

Posted 10:24 AM by Gene

What if you don't build a stadium and the Olympics don't come?

Posted 10:21 AM by Gene

Shucks, his weepy, factually doubtful masterwork did less biz than expected; now the Richard Burton of our time gets arrested for his TEMPER.

Talk about BAD LUCK.

Posted 10:12 AM by Gene

Oooooooooooooooooh, Apple's going to put THE ENEMY in its computers!

What will THE CORE say?

Posted 9:56 AM by Gene

15!

Posted 9:10 AM by Gene

Well, I went and DID IT: I managed to install a memory card on my computer backwards and blew out the motherboard. WHAT A COMPLETE AND UTTER IMBECILE I AM. This is why I haven't posted in almost two days. Just as well; I can get a new PC that's far more up-to-date, at a reasonable cost, and I don't need a new monitor yet; and I can still salvage my new hard drive, DVD burner and video card, so I'm only out about $100 on the OS and the memory -- and I'm close to deciding on a new machine, so all is not lost.

One other thing: not having to follow the annoying events of the day I feel, almost -- PEACEFUL.