Eugene David
...The One-Minute Pundit

Saturday, May 09, 2009


Wealthy Wall Street financiers and other business figures provided crucial support for Mr Obama during the election, backing him over the Republican candidate John McCain as the right leader to rescue the collapsing US economy.

But it is now dawning on many among them that Mr Obama was serious about his campaign trail promises to bring root and branch reform to corporate America - and that they were more than just election rhetoric.


"Now" it is "dawning" on you? NOW?

When were you born?

And what did you expect after what you did?


Here's the thing about liberals: they can (occasionally, very occasionally) come out for folks like the middle-aged industrial workers shafted by Big Money. Then they cuddle up to the media-industrial complex or throw tantrums about NAZI CHRISTIAN REPUBLICANS and the ball game's over.


ASSPress, having courageously disclosed The One's burger, "reports" an assertion that one in every fifty American children is "homeless." Is this the truth or its this another factoid for lobbying us peons with?


AND FURTHER ON EXASPERATING: ST. WARREN does a "parody" of an Apple ad, and a curse word is one of the first things out of His mouth. Complain about it and people like the ST.'s minions call you a PRUDE. (It wasn't even labeled "NSFW", which might have helped.) Well lately, ST., we suspect Your STOCK PRICE has caused more than a few shareholders to curse, yet it doesn't seem to have redounded on You. Maybe the time has come.

Oh and YOUR HOLINESS, when are You bringing NON-PARODY ADS back to GRATE.COM? Or are You part of the Political Class?

And no thanks to HENRY HONEST, whose site is fast becoming the TMZ OF BUSINESS.


I'm supposed to be SHOCKED, SLIME? (SHOCKED! is one of the language's most overused words -- especially in combination with the instant cliché from Casablanca.) Is there any would-be star who's normal? Is anyone normal? The biz you've run into the ground expunged that word decades ago.

That is why such stories go beyond boring -- to irritating, and even excruciating.

(Via The Daily Beast, whose founder's little darling KEN FELATTA made SUMNER a permanent scourge -- and that Methusaleh specializes in the fake outrage too -- and from its description this may be another news practical joke)

Friday, May 08, 2009


Oops, maybe the depr -- recession IS OVER!!!!!!!!!!: A sales -- ANALYST says G000,000,000GLE is again on its way to A TRILLION DOLLARS -- well, $200 billion, anyway. The journey to inflated riches begins with the first TOUT.

Knuckleheads like this almost make us wish for a depression.


Presumably this scum will be back in the heinous high life when they've reached majority, having learned a few things in the dying England's criminal-"justice" system.


If this story is accurate The One is choosing among a monochromatic crowd to replace the Dullard. When presidents choose new Fingers why can't they be honest and say they want people who think like they? The One made a strong enough odor when he used the word "empathy", but that was typically two-left-footed sly -- why not come out and make a total stink and say you want your choice to be an ultra-liberal?

Thursday, May 07, 2009


We figure if we cared for SELIGISM we might care about this, but one megaplatinum age for the "sport" is enough for us.


Here's how BofA gets back into the black: by selling 1.25 BILLION shares of common.

Maybe if you closed down some of those unneeded branches like the one you're opening in our neighborhood to replace another one scarcely a block away....


I should not be redundant but CHARGING WON'T WORK. SLIMES think the problem is the "structure". No, OJ's would-be publisher, the problem is the content. What do You offer, SLIME, that's worth paying for? Don't say the Journals; they're free through GOOGLE. And they're not what they used to be, thanks to Your overpaying -- the big reason You're huffing and puffing to charge. Who in his right mind would pay for DA POST? And why should we pay for stories about Your Major Bowes act, or Obama's burgers, or stories on stupid Web sites? And that's ninety percent of the total news hole these days. Yes SLIME -- and COMPANY, the Web is an easier (though not a better) way of getting the news. But that isn't the all of it. If people genuinely liked their papers they might still pay for them despite the inconvenience. What's more, once you start charging, SLIME and COMPANY, your most precious talent will do a vanishing act -- like the vaunted columnists of The Paper of Re-CORD. Remember? And how much pay-worthy talent do you have? I for one would not miss Frank "STROKE!" Rich again -- or David Gurgle Jr. And how do you account for your star writers who frequently blog? And the problem with charging is it's not just news, it's all media. Who wants to reward JUNIOR for his no-talents? And people are running away even from free media; why should JEFF ZUCKS live in luxury picking shows by throwing darts at targets, and hitting their viewers in the behind? You merely exacerbate that situation by charging. The one mass medium not seeing audience declines is the movees, and they have a small but devout (and stupid) following that will pay for anything; the rest of America knows better. Why should the news biz be magically exempt from public exasperation? No, all that happens if you charge is a few free sites rack up the traffic, and the ASSPress, already America's defacto state news organization, tightens its grip. How does that help you?

The only answer to this supposed tragedy -- and let us not underestimate the Democratic Congress's capacity for stupid ideas -- is an Internet content tax, maybe $5 or $10 per subscriber per month, to pay for the news. But we know BIGMEDIA: the money will go straight into profits and only improve content on the margins, if at all. No SLIME and COMPANY, you brought this richly deserved fate upon yourselves -- by gutting the content.

P.. S. Mort Zuck's idea of BINGO has many problems (like opening the door to uncontrolled Web gamb -- GAMING, for one) but it may not be as dorky as it sounds.


Ridge not running for Senate

I suppose this means the hacks can dance on their desks again. I might wait a few months before trashing your luxury news suites -- again.


The Renaissance produced The Tempest; our age produces video games with goofy titles (Duke Nukem, a backhanded tribute to John Wayne if ever there was one). The geeks don't seem too unhappy at this long-expected announcement as they're ready to onanize to SUMNER's CRITICALLY-ACCLAIMED!!!!! exhumation of Star Trek.

(Second link via Seeking Alpha)


A snake in the new financial Garden of Eden -- regulation!!!!!

It wouldn't be driving stock prices up 200 percent for no good reason, naaaaaaaaaaah.


We keep seeing these stories about how Vlad's Puppet is building up a power base and is for democracy and is really the go-to guy and blahblahblah, which makes us wonder -- does he have a PR office as big as The One's ?


Back up to

74,631 GOOGLE NEWS LINKS!!!!!

A BIG CAVEAT: It is obvious many of the stories have nothing to do with the GREAT DAY; many simply use "Obama" or "100" or both. As we said before G000,000,000GLE is an extremely imprecise tool for measuring news content. But given his grand coronation by the press count us suspicious that it continues. We will drop this gag, however -- for now.

Wednesday, May 06, 2009


THIS IS PREPOSTEROUS: back up to

70,390 GOOGLE NEWS LINKS.

(51,747 sort-by-date.)

Are you hacks preparing for 200?!?


For the last twenty-five years our superiors have believed economies can glitz their way to prosperity. The Reagans and Thatchers believed if society created enough investment bankers and other hyperrich parasites who created enough screwloose schemes and paid themselves idiotic sums for said schemes their wealth would trickle down to the little people they wouldn't want to know. The Clintons and Dubyas believed if society spent zillions on a highly-controlled strictly technocratic EHDYUKAYSHUN and created a generation of Dilberts we'd have permanent prosperity through computering. There are variations: the RENDELLISTS believe in spending zillions on health care and EHDYUKAYSHUN and building casinos and convention centers and stadiums and movee studios and hoping the millions put out of work can get menial jobs therein. FDR II believes we can create shiny clouds of non-existent money and spend them to the same effect. But they too believe in glitz. We've had twenty-five years of glitz, and all that fake stardust hasn't amounted to too many specks of dust.


In the end, he says, this "stunning" trend of young people becoming less religious could lead to America's next great burst of religious innovation.

This can mean two things: 1. More McChurches, more video walls, more pop music, more feel-good "sermons", or, 2. Can someone translate this into an idiom I can understand, please?


$35 BILLION for B of A...$15 BILLION for WELLS...why 10,000 for the DOW?


CRISIS AT GE BANCORP NETWORK NEWS IN WASHINGTON! Part of a former "NEWSROOM" was CONTAMINATED WITH ASBESTOS!!!!!!!!!!

Hey guys, it's nothing like the news you contaminate us with every day.

(Via MediaBistro)


No one will care who Tiger Woods was a century from now. But they still will remember Mozart.

This is a...conservative?!?

(Via Spectator.org)


Branson East is such a forlorn place that Mike Riedel is asking Dolly to emcee the annual Theme Park Awards despite her having let loose a big stink bomb, and the roustabouts still have ego enough to think their snubbing Arthur Laurents is important, however mean and ugly he is.


President Obama, Cut Corporate Taxes Instead

Could it be -- the wishy-washy BizWeek's going -- conservative?!?


Shucks Howie, now it really is official -- the Glob isn't going out of biz. Now you'll have more reasons to earn your exorbitant salary.

Tuesday, May 05, 2009


Meantime, in news the ASSPRESS might ignore if it could, GM has authorized an astounding 1-for-100 reverse split, meaning what shareholders are left had better be supremely hopeful.


MORE NEED-TO-KNOW NEWS FROM THE ASSPRESS:

Obama, Biden satisfy sizzling burger craving


If we added such press releases to the "Obama 100" stories we could triple the score.




We could say so much of this latest ARCHDaily.com brainstorm we wouldn't know where to start. We leave that to our surfers hunting for Sophia Loren. The caption says these are "to be installed in non hospitable beaches or arid hills nearby the sea." Okay, how do you get there? Do you board the box and let it hop over the non-hospitable beaches and arid hills?


INCREDIBLY -- down to 65,101 links in GOOGLE NEWS (and only 48,762 in sort-by-date). We would say sanity is slowly returning to the news biz except it never existed there, so we'll just use an instant cliche and speak of some green shoots pulled up by yellow-bellied sapsuckers. (Don't you HATE when people talk alike?)

We know G000,000,000,000,000GLE is a highly imperfect measure of this eternal love affair, but the presence of so many links means the presence of so many love letters.


And I wish I could think of something about Dom DeLuise other than that he was a celebrated chef, he was part of Burt's clique and he was on The Hollywood Squares, but he did make people laugh, no small feat especially these days.


BULLETIN [!] CDC: SCHOOL CLOSURES FOR FLU NO LONGER NECESSARY

Were they ever necessary?


Terry Teachout posts very insightfully on Peanuts (and he links to an essay equally as insightful), including this tidbit:

For my generation, part of the point of watching a TV series was its regularity. It was a social event, a communal activity. You structured your week around it, and so did your family and friends. The introduction of the VCR eliminated this iron necessity, and for me it also eliminated much of the attraction of series TV, which I no longer watch.

TRANSLATION: SUMNERS and SLIMES and JEFF ZUCKS can YouTube and Hulu TV series to death, but that won't bring them back, especially when other things conspire to make them so unappealing.


Jo-NAH, in witticisms to endure as long as the English language:

For Kemp, the bigger the pile of manure, the more likely there was a Christmas pony somewhere. With Specter, spreading manure is always its own reward.

Kemp's death should be cause for deep reflection about what the Republican Party is about. Specter's defection is much less significant. Yes, we can appreciate that a rat is telling us something important when it flees a sinking ship, but we don't have to admire the rat.


I wish I could think up a snappy rejoinder to this brilliance, but instead am reduced to NO COMMENT.

(Via his Web site)

P. S. We had not typed of Jack Kemp because we could not think of anything to say other than he was the ultimate policy wonk, he ran with Mr. Viagra and he had a big hair helmet (not intending disrespect but that's all we could say). Con-SER-va-tives are awash in nostalgia largely because the Reagan he helped sweep into office was swept out last year by the ANTI-REAGAN, and we're stuck with him and his nostrums for some time.


The Caymans prove my point: Any big business that calls itself "international" gives itself carte blanche to commit treason.

Monday, May 04, 2009


In learning "Obama 100" now has
74,912 GOOGLE NEWS LINKS,


we found this scintillating story from the ASSPress -- we hope they don't mind if we steal...er, cut-and-paste it in full (any such use of ASSPress property being stealing, even when it steals from itself):

Eds: In an effort to track when corrections are made to graphics,...


Eds: In an effort to track when corrections are made to graphics, you can set up an e-mail notification on apexchange.ap.org. The Associated Press is no longer supporting FreeHand format and as of Dec. 1, 2008, FreeHand files were no longer transmitted. Please make the necessary adjustments to your workflow. Only Adobe Illustrator and PDF files are posted. If you have any questions, contact Customer Support at (212) 621-1905.

6 p.m. Monday, May 4 National/World INFLUENZA HISTORY: Graphic shows selection of influenza pandemics and pandemic scares since 1918; 3c x 2 1/2 inches; 146 mm x 63 mm; with BC-MEDSwine Flu-Reality Check; MOVED Monday, May 4.

TAX HAVENS: Map locates tax havens around the world; 2c x 6 1/2 inches; 96.3 mm x 165 mm; with BC-USObama-Taxes; MOVED Monday, May 4.

FOREIGN ADOPTIONS: RETRANSMITS graphic that moved April 3; graphic shows foreign adoption statistics; 1c x 3 1/2 inches; 46.5 mm x 88 mm; with BC-AFMalawi-Madonna Adoption; MOVED Monday, May 4.

SWINE FLU CASES: Graphic shows daily reported U.S. cases of swine flu since April 23 by the CDC; 1c x 3 3/4 inches; 46.5 mm x 95 mm; with related swine flu stories; MOVED Monday, May 4.

Business PENDING HOME SALES: Chart shows seasonally adjusted annual rate of pending U.S. home sales; 1c x 3 1/2 inches; 46.5 mm x 88 mm; with BC-USEconomy or related stories; MOVED Monday, May 4.

CONSTRUCTION: Graphic charts construction spending for the past 13 months; 1c x 2 1/2 inches; 46.5 mm x 63 mm; with BC-USEconomy or related stories; MOVED Monday, May 4.

Sports PREAKNESS LOGO: Official 2009 Preakness Stakes logo; 1c x 1 1/4 inches; 46.5 mm x 31 mm; with related stories; MOVED Monday, May 4.

Advances and Features OBAMA 100 LOGO: Logo marks Obama 100 days in office; with any related story; MOVED Wednesday, April 22.

CRIB LOGO: Logo to accompany series on parenting; 1c x 2 inches; 46.5 mm x 50 mm; with BC-Tales from the Crib; MOVED Tuesday, April 14.

ACCOUNTABILITY LOGO: Logo to accompany series of stories on government accountability; 1c x 1 inches; 46.5 mm x 25 mm; with related government accountability stories; MOVED Monday, March 30.

NEW FRUGALITY LOGO: Logo to accompany business stories about frugal trends; three sizes; 1/2c x 1 1/4 inches; 20 mm x 31 mm; 1c x 3/4 inches; 46.5 mm x 19 mm; 2c x 3/4 inches; 96.3 mm x 19 mm; with BC-New Frugality; MOVED Monday, March 30.

PARENTING TEENS LOGO: Logo to accompany story on parenting teens; 1c x 1 1/2 inches; 46.5 mm x 38 mm; with BC-FEAParenting-Teens; MOVED Monday, March 9.

HARD TIMES LOGO: Logo to accompany a series about the financial troubles America faces; 1/2c x 1/2 inches; 20 mm x 13 mm; with any related stories; MOVED Monday, April 13.

MELTDOWN 101 LOGO: Logo to accompany business story series explaining certain aspects of the financial meltdown; 1/2c x 1 1/2 inches; 17 mm x 38 mm; with any related stories; MOVED Monday, April 13.

COOKING DEADLINE LOGO: Logo for cooking on a deadline; various sizes; with FoodDeadline stories; MOVED Monday, April 13.

Weekly BOX OFFICE: Graphic shows U.S. box office sales for the past weekend; two sizes; 1c x 4 3/4 inches; 46.5 mm x 121 mm; 3c x 1 5/8 inches; 146 mm x 41 mm; with related stories; MOVED Monday, May 4.

NIELSENS: Graphic shows the top 10 weekly television shows; 1c x 5 3/4 inches; 46.5 mm x 146 mm; with related stories; ETA Tuesday, May 5.

ASK AP LOGO: Logo to accompany Ask AP; 1c x 1 inches; 46.5 mm x 25 mm; with BC-Ask AP; MOVED Monday, April 13.

ASK A DESIGNER LOGO: Logo to accompany Ask Designers series; 1c x 2 1/4 inches; 46.5 mm x 57 mm; with any BC-FEAHomes-Ask Designers story; MOVED Monday, April 13.

ON THE NET LOGO: Logo for placement with weekly On the Net column; multiple sizes; 1c x 1 inch; 46.5 mm x 18 mm; half-column x 1.25 inches; 17 mm x 33 mm; with BC-On the Net; MOVED Monday, April 13.

CYBERTRIPS LOGO: Logo for use with BC-TRVTravel-CyberTrips; 1c; 46.5 mm; MOVED Monday, April 13.

NOTES The Associated Press is no longer supporting FreeHand format.

Please make the necessary adjustments to your workflow. Only Adobe Illustrator and PDF files are posted. If you have any questions, contact Customer Support at (212) 621-1905.

AP Web Graphics is no longer in service, but all members can expand and save their searches, view links to other content types and more on our new site - AP Exchange (apexchange.com). For account setup information, call (877) 836-9477.

To search AP Graphics that are older than two weeks, visit AP Photo Archive at http://photoarchive.ap.org.

AP uses Stuffit to compress Graphics. To decompress graphics, members need Stuffit Expander, which is free and available at http://www.stuffit.com/expander.

(Copyright 2009 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.) APNP 05-04-09 1700CDT |

BOY! Are we glad you told us THAT!

P. S. These four North Dakota stations love this story -- they've posted variations thereof hundreds of times!


And now that the recession is over, oil is going back to being a big bugaboo. Thank fully we can ignore that until much later.

On the other hand predictions of $200 oil can be as fantastic as previous predictions of $200 oil.


The soon-to-be-1.2-million-strong Zeitgeist (second time today -- too many) offers an explanation for its NEW! IMPROVED! ways:

(One thing you'll find less of: celebrity news. Our research told us you didn't want it, which is a relief since we were doing it only because we thought we had to.)

And for two other reasons, no doubt: 1. PEOPLE does it better and 2. We're doing "cultural coverage", which is a tony version of the same thing.

"Reinvention" is code for the same old wine in the same new bottles, with a little CO2 added.

(Via the usual Romy)


The Lord God Pinch was bluffing.

Shucks Howie, now your paper won't hire all the dedicated truth-tellers you said it wouldn't hire.


From Anna's final column for the Zeitgeist:

Throughout the country there seems to be an understanding that this is and ought to be a time of reinvention, in the economy, in education, in the office. But no one seems eager to reinvent on an individual level. Yet never has there been a time when fresh perspective and new ideas were more necessary.

We just looked up Kaplan, Inc.'s price -- down $6.45. It's not twenty or thirty, but it's moving the right direction, especially as the Wall Street Casino officially announced today the recession has ended.

(Via the usual Romy)


69,320 LINKS IN GOOGLE NEWS!!!!!

Sort by date and it's 52,893 -- and counting.


The left is starting to pick on its nominees for Dullard's robe. How brilliant does a rank ideologue have to be?

And we say that from both sides.


Norman Thomas Grandson fears our politics may be turning into a "monoculture".

Today would be a good day for Kaplan, Inc. to go down, oh, twenty points, but that probably won't happen.

Sunday, May 03, 2009


Why does this irritate me?

Back in the old days, you used to have a feel for the common people, a sense that the “popular” in “popular culture” meant of and for the people, not, as it does in high school, “cool and obnoxious.” But now it seems you prefer to mock or condescend to regular folks, or else just render them invisible in fantasies of universal ease, affluence and entitlement. That bubble has burst, and it’s high time you emerged from yours.

Perhaps because I saw this first:

Belatedly, the Globe has been trying to present as its public face the salt-of-the-earth types in the backshop, guys who live in towns like Weymouth and went to work at the paper out of high school.

These are the same blue-collar Massachusetts natives that the bow-tied bumkissers upstairs alternately disdain or despise as mean-spirited bigots who can’t be trusted to vote the “right way.”


And this is slightly irritating because Howie, with his RADIO salary, is much closer to the bow-tied bumkissers. It has been quite a while since BIGMEDIA had a knack for pleasing its customers. We see it in newspapers going out of business; we see it in effete ad-blurbists apologizing for their effetery and their blurbs; we see it in the well-timed populism of bigmouth millionaires.


YESTERDAY'S FADS: And speaking of Sue does anyone remember George Moran and Charles Mack? Oh they were very popular in the twenties: two "comedians" who played vaudeville and radio, and made several pictures. I put "comedians" in quotes for two reasons: first, they were blackface -- they billed themselves "The Two Black Crows" -- and second, they weren't funny, with or without the greasepaint. Yet their recordings (they made fourteen 78 sides, for Columbia -- we confess to having them on our hard drive) are fascinating because their jokes are so bad -- I don't want to say they're good, although they can inspire an unintended laugh; but they're bad the way we can't take our eyes off something repulsive, and it is a wonder they got laughs even in the twenties. But popular they were; the act broke up only with Mack's untimely death at 46 in 1934. Their slide into obscurity should remind us that being popular or even well-publicized doesn't mean you're any good.

And yes, I know of Amos 'n' Andy, who started at about the same time, but they haven't broken through oblivion lately either, despite being the most popular radio act of their day.


We wouldn't wish an illness on anyone, but Henry Honest gives us reason for hope:

Swine Flu Getting More Web Buzz Than Susan Boyle


66,280 LINKS IN GOOGLE NEWS.

When, WHEN will The Hundred Days end?


MB2 must be thinking of his many sources of revenue again:

Liberal orthodoxy has made the state dependent on a volatile source of revenue -- high income tax rates on the wealthy.

You mean the grass roots and their no-tax-at-any-cost routine had nothing to do with it?

Home
Site Meter eXTReMe Tracker